Is Madonna Really Wearing a Mouthful of Grills?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3336303/Madonna-sports-chic-fedora-bizarre-teeth-grills-enjoying-Spanish-Thanksgiving-lookalike-son-Rocco-duo-sport-hair-style.html

No one would accuse Madonna of being a slouch, resting on her laurels and so on…

She works incessantly, travels the world tour after tour after grueling tour.

But no matter how much Madonna tours, she is still 57, not 25.

Hello memo.

The harder she tries to be chronologically seamless, the farther away she lands.

Racing with the devil is a fool’s errand someone who loves her obviously neglected to mention.

Grills? Seriously?

If my 83-year-old mother wore grills, I’d have her committed.

But for Madonna, it’s an unintended tragic pantomime she can afford to ignore.

Delusion, after all, isn’t against the law.

But even Madonna can’t buy back the bad press.

Sadly, she’s become an embarrassment to the Baby Boom.

Not her accomplishments, not her work ethic, not her contribution to the world of Pop.

But everything else.

If my generation’s greatest fear is maintenance of personal dignity, Madonna is our crucible.

So again, it’s all about money, honey, delusion notwithstanding.

John Varvatos Sparks Revolution in Fashion Nostalgia

John Varvatos was born February 1, 1966, which means he missed the Baby Boom by 2 years.

Note: Baby Boom lasted from 1946-1964.

This notwithstanding, he captures the spirit of my generation better than any designer in memory. Period.

~~~

As I gotten older I seem to grow closer to my roots.

I guess it’s true what they say about early impressions being the strongest.

Most therapists would be willing to corroborate this for $200.00, by the way.

Anyway, my deepest passions were those rooted in music, specifically, rock ‘n’ roll.

Why this is I don’t know, because while others were off playing soccer, I sat in dark rooms with electric guitars and vinyl records, playing and replaying Clapton licks, among others.

My dorm room was plastered with glossy posters of Ozzy, Zeppelin, The Who, Cream, Hendrix and other musical gods of the day.

Empty packs of guitar strings were scattered all over the place, picks even worse.

I think it’s safe to say my adolescence was experienced through the fulcrum of music.

Then time passed, decades, and here I find myself with the same music, the same string and keyed instruments, and library of music I can’t live without.

So one day I’m walking through The Galleria in Houston when I happen upon the new John Varvatos store.

Feeling transported back to a place where it all started is to grossly understate the experience.

Joplin’s “Down On Me” was in the air, rock biographies neatly stacked on shelves under framed film photographs of rock stars.

…and the clothing!

Wow.

Seriously?

Could this really be?

Did I actually find my long lost home in the world of John Varvatos?

At this writing my closet looks like his showroom, with a few exceptions, very few.

Once I got my hands on those threads 90% of my clothing went the way of the wind.

Finally a designer was channeling the same vibe.

Though my career has been spent as a photographer and writer, nothing keeps me more tethered to myself than music.

Obviously, I’m not alone.

Brilliant ad. Generations merged.

5 Steps to “Relevance” at Any Age

1] Be a famous rock ‘n roll musician

2] Be a famous actor

3] Write a bestselling novel that becomes a blockbuster movie.

4] Create a new social media platform, like Facebook.

5] Be a famous talk show host, because that’s what talk show hosts are…

Okay, okay I get it. Not everyone is a multi-millionaire celebrity actor-rock star-writer-creator-talk show host….blah blah blah…

But understand that not being in one of the aforementioned categories constitutes being “nobody’ in the context of popular culture.

Seriously.

Of course, most thinking people know that “relevance” isn’t measured by popular culture, though graduate level courses may soon be required to clear up the confusion.

MANIFESTATIONS OF THE PATHOGEN

Post something mildly controversial to any online article and you can count on someone responding with something along the lines of “Who are you?” “Go back to your dead end job!” “You’re a nobody! How much do you make?”

Of course, they could be addressing someone who discovered the cure for Tuberculosis, but it wouldn’t matter because they assume that people who do great things are on the cover of People Magazine, like the rest of the gods, beyond the breath and scope of man.

This is the voice of America’s collective unconscious: We are invisible. We don’t matter. No one cares.

This psycho-pathology then takes a dangerous turn: “I have to make them care. I have to make them notice me. I have to make myself matter [to them, not to me, because I can’t validate myself].”

Road rage is another manifestation of this nightmare: “You think I’m nobody? “Not for long, MF!”

Then the manifestos left by people who commit mass murder in schoolyards: “You will remember me. I will live forever!”

~~~

All of this is the back noise of our culture that affects people of all ages, races and creeds to one degree or another.

Take affluent older men, for example.

What makes them relevant if they happen not to fall into the aforementioned categories?

1] A desire – and ability to – engage people of all ages.

2] Staying in shape, serious shape.

3] Reading, listening, learning always.

4] Knowing technology, the lifeblood of our era.

5] Refusing to babble on about artificial hips, aching joints, and dead and dying friends.

6] Challenging themselves every day, even if it’s sitting still and at peace for 5 minutes a day.

7] Throwing their shoulders back and moving forward like they mean it, not like someone’s dragging them.

8] Staying clear of convention when it suits them.

9] Going to therapy to help separate self-perception from delusion.

10] Not allowing other people to determine how they feel about themselves.

People admire those who aren’t affected by other people, who live their own lives, true to themselves.

“There’s a wonderful sense of well-being that begins to circulate . . . up and down your spine. And you feel something that makes you almost want to smile. So what’s it like to be me? Ask yourself, ‘What’s it like to be me?’ The only way we’ll ever know what it’s like to be you is if you work your best at being you as often as you can, and keep reminding yourself that’s where home is.” Bill Murray in Rolling Stone interview

http://thenewdaily.com.au/entertainment/2014/11/06/bill-murray-worlds-regular-guy/

We can’t change our actual age, be we can certainly change the way we approach it.

I challenge destiny every day of my life.

I also challenge beliefs [my own included], tackle misconceptions, and don’t let life roll over me.

It will if you let it.

Remember, life is a food chain and you are dinner unless you matter more alive.

How Success Changes Middle Aged Men

Male Grooming Arnold Ferrier Photo Bill Morton

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2893083/Would-let-husband-shave-chest-growing-trend-middle-aged-men-wives-say.html

As you will note in the article [above], chest shaving has become commonplace.

It’s also one of many manifestations of what many middle-aged men do once they have achieved a considerable measure of success.

Without that one element [success], there is no rationale for self-idolatry.

~~~

I know this guy in the restaurant business.

When he started out, it was all humility; dressing down, shaking hands, strung out in the quest for relevance.

Then over time and a lot of hard work, his efforts paid off.

He became the proud co-owner of a successful string of hip urban bistro’s with lots of national notice.

Eventually, like others of new-found success, he upgraded his car, his home…his lifestyle.

But something else happened as well: He changed his appearance. All of it.

His once thin frame now boasts long, lean muscle wrapped in a bronze glaze.

His chest, arms, back and legs are completely shaven.

His clothing went from $16 Haynes 100% cotton Tees to $180 John Varvatos V-Neck Jersey Knits.

His Timex “Ironman” was replaced with an assortment of bracelets of various materials and designs; the accouterments of celebrities, rock stars…and wealthy older men who don’t have to care what you think of them, which is how you know they’ve “arrived.”

Gone are the days of the obligatory handshake with a smile.

That’s also been upgraded to a certain vibe of self-righteous aloofness suggestive of someone who now resents how much ass they had to kiss to get to where they are, and now its payback time.

~~~

Without success, older men fade.

They don’t have the fuel to propel change.

In this sense, success is like a transfusion.

While average people adapt to circumstances and resign themselves to an average existence, successful tend to men stand out in crowds.

Even those who practice humility cannot hide the lining of confidence that follows them wherever they go.

In a way, they’re like beacons of hope in an otherwise paralyzing existential nightmare.

And people wonder why The Kardashians are America’s first family.

“Midlife Crisis” Applies to Both Genders

When I was 28 I ran into a guy at my gym who happened to be 33, which, at the time, I considered “old.”

Then I did the math and that very afternoon had my first midlife crisis.

Back then older men were out of shape, heavy drinkers, Viceroy smokers…and resigned to life’s inevitable destiny, which was usually just around the corner.

Then as I got older I noticed that the boundaries became a lot more flexible.

~~~

First identified by Elliot Jacques in 1965 – around the time The Beatles were in the studio working on “Rubber Soul” – the term “midlife crisis” became widely known after it began to be used by Freudian psychologists.

Among them was Carl Jung, who considered it a normal part of adult maturation — the time during which people “took stock of themselves.”

In other words, “What have I done with my life? And furthermore, “Is it enough to pave the way for reasonably healthy self-esteem?”

Jung placed this period in life midway between adulthood and the end of life, which today is anybody’s guess.

Then Erik Erikson, the theorist known for creating the “8 Stages of Development,” explained it as a transition during the stage he called “middle adulthood.”

As I see it, it’s a kind of Post-Modern Renaissance where things like depression, anxiety, and increased alcohol and drug use lead to relief through psychotherapy and medication.

But distraction is not the same as, so many focus their attention on things like hookers and Vicodin that don’t remind them of where they actually are.

But there is a lot of debate these days over whether this crisis is biologically or environmentally based, some believing it is primarily triggered by signs of physical aging [i.e., feeling trapped in a body they no longer recognize], loss of potency for men, and a crappy investment portfolio.

In my view, it’s a little of both.

1] We live longer, so we have more time to contemplate reality, which everyone agrees is a bad idea when you’re no longer 25.

2] We expect to be happier than we should be for middle aged adults, so we spend an inordinate amount of time looking for it.

No one is happier at middle age than we are as young men and women no matter what we tell ourselves.

No wonder everyone is always talking about the virtues of acceptance.

If that makes you happy, great.

Life gives and takes in equal measure. Get used to it.

3] The changing gender roles left men and women financially co-dependent, so while women are today just as likely to have extramarital affairs, buy sports cars and act like juvenile delinquents, we see that the divorce rates are dropping because it isn’t worth the financial hit.

Better to keep the 7-figure house and country club membership than go back to apartment living.

So now who’s “midlife crisis” is it?

We’re both in an emerging maturity crisis and it’s not pretty.

NOTES

Midlife crisis is a term first coined by Elliott Jaques referring to a critical phase in human development during the forties to early sixties, based on the character of change points, or periods of transition. The period is said to vary among individuals and between men and women. Despite popular perception of this phenomenon, empirical research has failed to show that the midlife crisis is a universal experience, or even a real condition at all.

Erik Erikson’s 8 Stages of Development:

How it manifests in men and women:

Men I know revisit their childhoods with 1000 times the cash and only a modicum of additional maturity. They buy houses and cars, take lots of vacations, have their bodies waxed and sculpted, and purchase Filipino prostitutes on the Internet hoping they will love them for who they are.

Older women bond with other single women through travel, book clubs and social events.

Clearly, they are better at acceptance than are men, and, at this writing, usually inherit their estates.

Jon Stewart on “Relevance Waning”

http://www.etonline.com/awards/emmys/172325_jon_stewart_makes_promise_final_daily_show_emmy_speech/

“To everybody on television, I just want to tell you, cling to it as long as you can,” Stewart advised onstage. “Like death, like in the Titanic. Cling to it!”

Stewart admitted that his time away from TV hasn’t been easy.

“I’ve been off of television for six weeks, seven weeks, whatever it is, this is the first applause I’ve heard. It is a barren wasteland out there,” Stewart deadpanned.

~~~

I write a lot about “relevance” in the context of older men, and how the lack of it is akin to surgical castration.

Nobody – and I mean, NOBODY! – I gives that up without a fight.

When it’s gone, the fallout is always in the news:

Retired athlete now a drug addict; baron of business blows his brains out when risk trumps reward; once-famous actor fades into oblivion under a street lamp in the dead of night with a needle in his arm.

What keeps successful men alive is R E L E V A N C E.

Donald Trump once stated, “…there is nothing more voracious than this man’s hunger for wealth, fame and power,” and after being exposed to many such men in my life, the statement couldn’t be more true.

With this in mind, Stewart isn’t going anywhere.

He misses the applause, the notoriety, the power in a way similar to addicts when on the precipice of withdrawal.

It’s intoxicating.

Ask any retired rock musician what he misses most and the first sentence out of his mouth is “I miss my fans.”

I have a friend who is in various businesses, but the one he loves most is music.

When he’s on stage, he is someone else – infused with life, happy.

When it’s over, he goes back to the other guy, the one who’s a bit resigned, frustrated, bittersweet, sensitive, mildly depressed.

Once you’re on stage there’s no where else to go, particularly when you’re Stewart’s age with decades ahead of you … to do what? Fish?

There are men who’ve made fortunes many times over and are happy to live in relative obscurity with their riches and anonymity.

In fact, many claim to prefer this to fame of any kind.

But the vast majority of them still need some place to hang a shingle, whether it’s starting a charitable foundation, writing books, lecturing, or buying gold-diggers.

Without purpose, we’re nothing more than a memory with a large bank account, which is never big enough to fill in all the empty spaces.

Nothing fills the void when you feel like you no longer matter, even when you do to everyone, but yourself.

No wonder famous rock musicians continue to tour long after the money’s made, – and talk show hosts go on set, night after night, to the sound of their bands, famous guests and high Arbitron ratings.

The moment they walk away, they fade from relevance and time does what it always does.

As an older man who has done a lot with his life, I can personally attest to the fact that people like me don’t lie down for long because an idle life is, indeed, a “barren wasteland.”

We all need a purpose, and for Jon, it’s DEFINITELY another show.

The Spirit of Youth at Midlife: Why Men Need Space to “Misbehave”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/22/midlife-crisis-4-ways-to-deal-changes-male-partner_n_3094414.html

If he wants a damn “motorcycle,” let him have it. Your marriage may depend on it.

If you’re in the same generation as your husband, you may want to keep the following things in mind as you age together:

1] Don’t judge him.

If he wants a motorcycle, you don’t have to jump up and down with joy about it. But you need to respect his desire to do something he’s always wanted to do, but couldn’t for all the reasons one might expect [i.e., job, children, et al].

Most men I know have already proven themselves financially, and now they just want to go back to feeling the way they did when it all started, mostly because they can afford to.

This is also why so many affluent older men have blind checking accounts, but I digress.

2] Remain calm, very calm.

Women should understand [and respect] that men must feel like men in order to continue functioning as men.

Sometimes this includes the viewing of pornography, which most consider normal and well-adjusted behavior.

In the grand scheme of things, it’s no big deal.

But for you women who consider it a form of cheating, you can either walk out on your otherwise faithful husband of 25 years, or just go with the flow.

Beating him up about it will just drive him to places like Ashleymadison.com.

3] Respect his fears about aging.

Older men worry about a lot of things they tend to keep to themselves.

1] Fear about the body breaking down.

2] Fear about retirement.

3] Fear about everything he once felt in control of.

These are all very real to him, common to most, and worthy of consideration from all.

4] Pay attention to his emotional issues.

Brushing off your man’s emotional issues is a recipe for disaster.

I know this will surprise many of you, but men have needs beyond sports and intercourse.

Always keep your marriage a priority, particularly after the kids are gone, and never, ever take him for granted unless you want a hooker at your door at 3 o’clock in the morning with a ransom demand.

SUMMARY

In study after study, it has been demonstrated that an aging man’s greatest fears are all quite similar no matter who he happens to be.

In my world, most men fear 1] impotence for obvious reasons.

This is why they are always having their cholesterol checked, their testosterone increased, and their fitness regimen on a fast track.

Some see this as racing with the devil because it is.

With this in mind, it become obvious then that aging men fear 2] weakness, in general.

No man wants to feel vulnerable, not in full possession of himself.

It is an indignity to most, and the reason so many suffer clinical depression after an injury or illness.

Then there’s the specter of 3] irrelevance that I can’t stop talking about in this blog.

A man with a lifetime of exemplary accomplishments is usually proud of what he’s done, and least likely to let go of it freely.

This is why great achievers keep working.

After all, you’re only as good as your last accomplishment, and if it was over a decade ago, you’ll never have anything to say for yourself at cocktail functions.

There are other concerns, of course, like losing one’s mind, but they are usually subordinate to the ones I just mentioned.

Ageism Strikes…Again.

Vermont Gov. Peter Shumlin, 59 and his fiance Katie Hunt, 31

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3238970/Vermont-Gov-Peter-Shumlin-engaged-marry-year.html#comments

The fact that this is a “story” at all speaks to the lingering ageism in the same world that’s witnessed Olympian Bruce Jenner morph into Caitlin, and gay marriage legalized.

So what’s up with this?

Let’s turn to some of the article’s comments for more insight:

“She doesn’t look 31. She looks older. Seems less shocking that way.”

“He must have money.”

“I would not be happy if I was her parents.”

“He’s a pig. He’s very wealthy so yeah… Right move on her part!”

“Yuck.”

~~~

There were one or two supportive remarks, but that’s it.

So what does this say about us as a society?

It says that there are lots of pissed off older women who feel left behind, and just as many young men who feel that they can’t compete with older men of affluence and power.

See, nobody’s competing with Caitlin Jenner.

Aging is a Bitter Pill [No Wonder We’re All in Denial]

Liam Neeson, 63 ‘Never been healthier…’ for 63.

Ahead of turning 63 on June , he said: ‘My birthday is a touchy subject. I’m going to be 63 — nobody wants to be 63! I’m getting old.

‘What I want more than anything is for it to be ignored. I just hate it and it makes me feel vulnerable. It’s such a private thing — the day you were born, the day you came out of your mother’s womb.

‘Some people hire a boat and do grand things like that, but I just get embarrassed about that sort of celebration and attention.’

~~~

What exactly is 63 supposed to look like?

Does anyone know?

As far as Hollywood is concerned, a 63-year-old actor is supposed to be fit, muscular, dashing…and yes, sexy.

A lot of this is projection, as many industry people are themselves middle age…and beyond.

But in the end it just gets down to pandering to a massive Baby Boomer market in denial.

This aside, how do a very select few 63-year-old men manage to maintain extraordinary levels of youthfulness?

1] Intense physical fitness regimens

2] Balanced diets

3] Low stress

4] Regular testosterone injections

5] Plastic surgery

6] Perfect styling

7] Flattering light

8] A willing suspension of disbelief on the part of audiences

9] Money and power

10] Dying famous at age 27.

~~~

Nobody wins this war.

We can be in spectacular shape at 63, but we’re still 63 no matter how imaginatively anyone spins it.

This is a particularly tough pill to swallow for older men of health and means.

They can afford to travel, dine at 5-star establishments, buy expensive toys, and date beautiful young men and women.

But the problem is that they have very little time to do it before the other show drops.

Think older man’s version of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off for adults and this begins to make sense.

This is why denial is my generation’s crucible.

What “Normal” Looks Like for Rich, Big City Boomers

Buzz Bissinger, 60 with Caitlyn Jenner, 65

I thought this picture was interesting, so I decided to share it with you.

I have nothing more to say…other than the fact that enough money and success have a way of opening doors to behavior that might otherwise remain hidden behind pleated khakis and anonymous Internet hook-ups.

~~~

April 2024
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