Hardly.
Does anyone actually believe that a bunch of rich and entitled Baby Boomer rock stars could create The Dark Side of the Moon?
The following is a list of 10 Boomers who followed a similar fate:
1] David Bowie
2] Mick Jagger
3] Eric Clapton
4] Robert Plant
5] Jimmy Page
6] Bob Dylan
7] Billy Joel
8] Elton John
9] Alice Cooper
10 Neil Young.
Obviously, there’s something to be said for youth and immortality, in spite of the contradiction in terms.
As everyone knows, the holidays are psychologically challenging.
Pharmacies are sold out of sedatives and liquor sales go through the roof.
Of course, children don’t know anything about this because reality is kept at arm’s length so we can live vicariously through them.
~~~
The holiday season often brings along stress and depression – to name just two [a thousand come to mind].
And no wonder.
The holidays present a ridiculous array of demands — parties, shopping, cooking, cleaning, interacting with people you haven’t seen in a long time under fragile pretenses.
But with some practical tips, you can minimize the stress.
You may even end up enjoying the holidays more than you thought you would, which is better than nothing.
According to the Mayo Clinic staff, here are 10 ways to keep stress on the low end of crazy:
1] Acknowledge your feelings. If someone close to you has recently died or you can’t be with loved ones, realize that it’s normal to feel sadness and grief.
It’s OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can’t force yourself to be happy just because it’s the holiday season.
2] Reach out If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious or other social events. They can offer support and companionship. Volunteering your time to help others also is a good way to lift your spirits and broaden your friendships.
3] Be realistic. The holidays don’t have to be perfect or just like last year.
As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well.
Choose a few to hold on to, and be open to creating new ones. For example, if your adult children can’t come to your house, find new ways to celebrate together, such as sharing pictures, emails or videos.
4] Set aside differences. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don’t live up to all of your expectations.
Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion.
And be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry.
Chances are they’re feeling the effects of holiday stress and depression, too
5] Stick to a budget. Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget.
Don’t try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts
6] Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, visiting friends and other activities.
Plan your menus and then make your shopping list.
That will help prevent last-minute scrambling to buy forgotten ingredients.
And make sure to line up help for party prep and cleanup.
7] Learn to say no. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed.
Friends and colleagues will understand if you can’t participate in every project or activity.
If it’s not possible to say no when your boss asks you to work overtime, try to remove something else from your agenda to make up for the lost time
8] Don’t abandon healthy habits. Don’t let the holidays become a free-for-all.
Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt.
9] Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do.
Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring inner calm
10] Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores.
If these feelings last for a while, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.
According to reality as I know it, here are my top 10[not that I’m dismissing any of the aforementioned]:
1] Schedule a therapy appointment
[at least a month in advance of the holidays so you don’t have to go back for another 3].
2] Make sure your medications are up to date and readily available
[in the event of an unforeseen catastrophe, including all of them].
3] Make sure to plan for time to workout.
The stress relief will help defray the cost of refills.
4] Meditate.
What I do is stare at my hands and see if I can get my fingers to stop shaking.
5] Wear something comfortable to gatherings so you can stretch out and cross your legs when tensions run high.
I find myself massaging my feet a lot.
6] Drink.
Don’t get wasted, but a pleasant buzz will help pass the time as you read the liner notes on a Pink Floyd CD compendium.
7] Breathe deeply and often.
When someone asks you what’s wrong, just tell them you like to breathe a lot. That usually does the trick.
8] Bring headphones.
I have found that headphones are a great way to break through stressful situations, even if you have to put them on during bathroom breaks.
9] Pretend to pay attention.
Even if the conversation is boring enough to trigger unconsciousness, just smile and stare into space. I know everyone’s crown molding by heart.
10] Accept the fact that your nieces and nephews are younger than you are, and will probably find a way to challenge your chronological authority.
This is normal, particularly with males, as they attempt to bludgeon their way to the top of the human food chain.
Whatever they say, just nod and go back to staring at the crown molding.
FINAL NOTE
It is a myth that suicide rates are higher during holidays than at other times of the year.
This is because holidays maximize social connection for most people, no matter what it may look or feel like.
56yr Old Crossfit Masters Competitor Ken Greaves
I was scouring the web for inspirational articles covering training regimens for masters athletes – and let me tell you – there aren’t many.
Instead, what I came across this absurd piece written by two 20-year-olds who went on to win a contest for their advice to older men and women.
Here’s a teaser on the topic of cardio: The American College of Sports Medicine recommends working at a level that is “hard enough to raise your heart rate and break a sweat,” but still allows one “to carry on a conversation.” This ensures that the body is being stimulated but not so intensely that there is a risk of overexertion.
Comment: If I can carry on a conversation while doing cardio, I’m not training. [Note to you 20-year-olds on your Iphones while walking on treadmills].
http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/best_over_60_workout.htm
Myth #1:
“Because hypertrophy and maximal force production are not likely to be goals for the 60 and up crowd, free weights and muscle specialization will not be necessary.”
Really? Says who?
As a 60-year-old power-lifter and cross-fit enthusiast, I train primarily with free weights because they allow my entire body to participate in the stabilization process. I also focus on certain muscle groups that help protect my body when lifting heavy.
No wonder I don’t have back problems. People who tend to sit on machines all day do. So yes, hypertrophy is a big deal as is maximal force production.
Myth #2:
“While teens may be able to handle three days of lifting per week with seven days of cardio, this is not realistic for older adults.”
I train with weights 3 days a week and incorporate 5 days of cross-fit style cardio. I take the weekends off because i have a life outside the gym. And by the way, most teens can’t keep up with my workouts.
Myth #3
“Intensity, too is different [for older athletes], as more tender joints and less conditioned lungs and other muscles are potential issues for older adults to consider.”
While joint pain is always making itself known in one area or another, it’s been doing the same thing since college. So I just work around it until it heals.
Myth #4
“While free weights are often favored by serious gym-goers and exercise enthusiasts, machines are preferable for older adults.”
I don’t know anyone my age at my gym who doesn’t use free weights.
Myth #5
“Machine movements do not rely on stabilizing muscles as much, which is important as older adults may be somewhat deconditioned and will not have sufficiently developed muscles for complex free weight exercises.”
It is true that some adults are deconditioned, but for those of us who train regularly, this is simply not applicable.
Myth #6
“At the age of 60, the body is mostly incapable of building large quantities of new muscle.”
This has to be the most ridiculous comment I have ever read.
Myth #7
“The main goal of working out should be to build some strength and reduce the risk for disease (primarily heart disease). Therefore, a workout should simply be to get the blood flowing and to build some strength without causing any serious injury in the process.”
If my trainer ever said this to me, I’d fire him.
Myth #8
“Supplementing protein shakes is unnecessary and pointless. At this age, the body can’t digest and absorb protein easily, which will result in excess bodily waste and weight gain from supplementation.”
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry for this little idiot.
SUMMARY
20-year-olds haven’t a clue about fitness routines for adult athletes, nor do they have any knowledge of our psychological predispositions.
In my gym, I routinely challenge college kids to jump in with me for sets, but so many have suffered injuries that they rarely show up anymore.
🙂
So, what REALLY are the best workouts for baby Boomers?
ANSWER: It’s a rhetorical question.
Many of you will recognize the person in this photo, not that he cares…
“…You believe that what you are doing is of great importance and that it is affecting mankind wall-to-wall. And then when you get out of it you realize, oh, well, that wasn’t true at all. (laughter) It was just silliness… I realized, geez, I don’t think I care that much about television anymore. I feel foolish for having been misguided by my own ego for so many years.” David Letterman
~~~
At the end of a long career, many of us look back and wonder whether what we accomplished was such a big deal after all.
In other words, did we stack up?
I’ve noticed that many of those who come up short are in the entertainment industry, where ridiculous sums are paid to people who couldn’t hold a normal job if their lives depended on it.
I’m one of them, though I have to say I did hold a normal job for the whole of 3 months after graduating college.
It was at that point in my life when I realized I was going to have to go it alone, freelancing as a photographer – and, at the time – copywriter.
I bring this up because entertainment is where people who can’t make it anywhere else go.
It’s not for lack of intelligence, talent, tenacity and perseverance.
It’s for lack of fitting in anywhere else, including everywhere else.
No wonder those who are actually successful in entertainment are referred to as geniuses.
This said, most don’t consider success in entertainment a tremendous accomplishment in the context of mankind, and I guess this is where I’m going.
Letterman looks back and sees a talk show host who interviewed celebrities in exchange for tens of millions of dollars.
He doesn’t see a brain surgeon who saved lives; a forensic anthropologist working at the Smithsonian, or a research scientist searching for the cure for cancer.
On some level I’m sure he’d prefer people see him in proper context, particularly given the fact that he could buy and sell them a thousand times.
It’s embarrassing. I get it.
Recently, I had a conversation with a 72-year-old man who turned out to be a world-renowned organ transplant surgeon with 12 medical books to his credit.
The man was unassuming, but not without presence.
There was gravity in his tone which I found a bit disconcerting, honestly.
Who was this guy? And why was he not pretending to be someone he was not like so many others who never feel complete without a good back story?
He summed everything up in a sentence or two, and just walked away.
That was it.
It got me thinking that no matter what any of us do, we all play a role in what constitutes the totality of the human experience, whether it’s science, art, music, literature…or entertainment.
I don’t know that he needed to reflect on any of this, as his contributions could be counted one life after another.
But I’m sure that in his home one would find art on the walls, literature on the shelves, and memories of his favorite Letterman interviews.
In this sense, entertainment isn’t so ephemeral after all.
Nonetheless, entertainment is the one area of human existence that doesn’t require a formal education, a clean law enforcement record, or green light from the American Psychiatric Association.
No wonder Letterman got paid so much.
I wake up this morning and head to the kitchen where the television is tuned to the news.
This is generally not a good thing as I prefer cartoons in the morning.
This notwithstanding, I’m in a good mood because today is my birthday and, for whatever reason, I’m not depressed about it.
That’s the good news.
The bad news is that if I see one more pocket catheter ad I’m going to hurl!
Now they make them in “designer” colors and deliver them in discrete packaging that resembles a sex toy.
Then there’s this little kid, disabled and begging for money, the violins whining in the background.
It’s like a one-two punch and I haven’t had coffee.
The kid runs the numbers and says that for a contribution of just $30 a month, you can his ass.
“That’s just $1 a day to save me and kids like me, or just 50 cents a day if you spread it out over the course of 2 months. And for a one-time contribution, it’s almost nothing at all.”
But I’m still not budging because I hate the fact that advertising agencies use kids as weapons for cash.
Then there are the cancer patients, all with stories of triumph to share after visiting this hospital or that.
And did I mention wounded vets in wheelchairs, brain damaged, trying to live with dignity in the face of colossal odds?
Rounding things out are the personal injury attorneys asking you whether or not you’ve recently died as a result of taking this or that drug as you may be entitled to compensation.
Call 1-800-BAD-DRUG or some such shit.
It’s brutal.
I’m a Baby Boomer.
They got that part right.
But I don’t use pocket catheters – or catheters at all.
I’m not disabled.
I give to the charities of my choosing with or without the ads.
I also have a attorneys for a wide range of issues, should anything come up.
So I have no idea who the hell these ads are targeting.
And that guy from “24” who keeps telling me to buy gold is an embarrassment.
It is very clear to me that these ads are focused in on the infirm, the elderly, and the flat out dead who apparently still watch television.
So where are the ads of interest to me and my peers?
They keep talking Baby Boomer this, Baby Boomer that and I’m still out of the loop.
It’s like my entire generation is invisible to Madison Avenue.
With this in mind, here’s what I want to hear about because, unlike the others, it’s relevant [and therefore not an embarrassment] to me and my peers:
1] Luxury hotel properties.
2] Automobiles most of us drive [i.e., not Buick].
3] Home automation systems [Think security from a cellphone].
4] Inter-Generational dating sites [i.e., Duh]
5] Private-only healthcare providers [Why wait in line?]
6] 5-star home service providers, including all of them [i.e., where’s the best plumber when you need one?]
7] Spa and wellness centers [i.e., places to relax, rejuvenate, and restore].
8] Disease prevention and nutrition [not ads with people in wheelchairs dying from one thing or another].
10] Anything that doesn’t involve retirement, which most of us consider “death in slow motion,” [UrbanDystrophy, the book].
And finally, #11:
11] Whether it’s AARP – or the CDC – please dear God, hire Baby Boomers in advertising who actually get it.
Thank you.
A 2014 article in the Huffington Post written by Arlene Schindler suggests that older women should explore their bisexuality as an alternative to their oftentimes frustrating experiences with men.
One path is referred to as “affectional bonding” or AB.
No wonder they outlive us.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arlene-schindler-/cuddle-parties_b_4800176.html
The findings of the latest National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles (NATSAL) reveals that the number of women reporting same-sex partners has increased from 1.8% to 7.9% over the past 20 years. Sexual lifestyles in Britain have changed substantially in the past 60 years, with changes in behavior seeming to be greater in women than men, most notably the continuation of sexual activity into later life.
After enough time passes and older women find themselves unable to establish relationships with quality, age appropriate men, “affectional bonding” begins to make sense.
According to the article, most women are already naturally bi-curious when it comes to sex; 60 percent were sexually attracted to other women; 45 percent had kissed a woman and 50 percent had fantasies about the same sex. This suggests that women may be more capable of finding people attractive, no matter what orientation they claim. Additionally, it becomes more pronounced as they get older. Approaching mid-life, “AB” makes a lot of sense.
And now, for the anti-male punchline:
Ladies, tired of the hairy chest? Try the softer touch. Has erectile dysfunction got you down and disappointed? Try reframing your options. With affectional bonding, enjoy everything you ever wanted without the messy clean-up.
You can read the rest of the article for yourself and draw your own conclusions.
OVERVIEW
Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you know by now that nothing is a panacea.
Single-hood is tough because you feel emotionally disconnected from the world. It can drain your spirit, fracture your faith in humanity, jade your perceptions.
But the same can be said of toxic relationships.
So we struggle to find balance no matter where it takes us.
Having said this, for men in my particularly peer group, I suggest you contact your attorney and investment counselor before doing anything where the consequences are more expensive than a transient escape.
In women, experience isn’t a carbon credit for lost time.
There’s very little to say about this that hasn’t already been said a thousand times, so I’ll just post the link from The Daily Beast, written by Samantha Allen.
You can also type “Madonna” into the search bar on this site for further commentary on the Queen of Pop or whatever.
I’m twisting the intended narrative here, but the illustration to the left represents how most successful men visualize their roles in the context of the human food chain.
It’s called EGO because it supersedes logic in human populations.
Of course, if you’re rich, it can be argued that ego denotes empirical proof that delusion is everything but.
The illustration to the right is what reality looks and feels like after enough therapy and modest financial success.
Fortunately for men, financial success provides a way out of this existential nightmare, which is not to suggest that once handsome men don’t mourn the erosion of physical beauty, but money can often slow the process to a crawl.
Not so for women whose appearance is considered tantamount to good mental health, therapy notwithstanding.
With this as a backdrop, here is how the evolutionary process has played out for me, a successful Baby Boomer.
Without coming across as a conceited jerk, I was a very handsome young man. I dated pretty much anyone I wanted to date and became accustomed to attracting admirers every time I entered a room. Over time I learned to feed from the positive reflection, the energy that followed me around like a force field. Then as I got older, things changed, and I learned the hard way that while youth and money are the consummate fate, they rarely occur simultaneously. So I had figure out how to balance my assets.
~~~
THE BALANCING OF HUMAN ASSETS IS A UNIQUELY MALE PHENOMENON
Unlike women, men are able to age gracefully as long as the money holds up.
Put another way, money carries with it a certain preternatural quality that enables men to sidestep the aging process well into the final chapters.
In my experience, the reasoning goes something like this:
1] Women tend to be more inspired by what they feel ratter than what they see with their eyes.
[Note: This change takes place as women approach their late 20’s and are still unmarried and not in possession of a 7-figure investment portfolio.]
2] Security is like a opiate for women. Flashbacks occur over every stage of life reminding them that without it they are lost.
3] Wealthy older men can pretty much date anyone they want utilizing success and hubris as leverage.
On a very fundamental level, women see this and begin to feel that their greatest assets are, in fact, youth and beauty and that women in possession of such qualities tend to land in the better neighborhoods.
See, it isn’t that aging women fear death. It’s the fear that aging and losing the power of beauty eclipses all of their other accomplishments, mostly because it does.
For men, their accomplishments play an almost seamless stand-in for whatever time took.
Of course, all of us get screwed after enough water’s passed under the bridge.
But we’re far from maligned over a few wrinkles and gray hair.
In the end, it’s what we’ve accomplished that stands the test of time.
So while older women report feelings of irrelevance, invisibility and fear as they age, older men tend to report similar things when they’re financially challenged.
![Jan 18, 2009; Glendale, AZ, USA; NFL on FOX analyst Terry Bradshaw during the trophy presentation following the NFC Championship Game between the Philadelphia Eagles and the Arizona Cardinals at University of Phoenix Stadium. The Cardinals won the game 32-25 to advance to Super Bowl XLIII. Mandatory Credit: Chris Morrison-US PRESSWIRE [Via MerlinFTP Drop]](http://Urbandystrophy.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/terry_bradshaw_52531463.jpg)
Mandatory Credit: Chris Morrison-US PRESSWIRE [Via MerlinFTP Drop]
I’d have immediate sponsorship interest, and therefore, a viable shot at chapter 2 of an already illustrious career.
I could also have a home life and time to travel, given the fact that sportscasting isn’t exactly a 9-5 job.
We see this all the time within the ranks of the rich and famous.
In fact, some say “once famous, always so.”
America loves underdogs, particularly those who’ve already climbed the mountain and are ready to do it all over again.
But what about a guy who was successful in something that didn’t earn him international fame, notoriety, and thus, cultural relevance?
His commodity value is now relative to what he did, not what he wants to do now that his career is, for all intents and purposes, over.
And people wonder why so many successful older men freak out.
I’ll elaborate…[and offer a few solutions].
~~~
The 45 to 64 group that makes up nearly half of all new startups in the country, increasing 19 percent since 1996. The older market has seen the most significant growth over the last 15 years.
But as we all know, starting up a new business isn’t a cakewalk for most.
For one thing, there’s FUNDING.
If you’re not famous, you’re less likely to have sponsors beating down the doors.
Adding fuel to the fire, you got your butt kicked in the downturn and are less willing to risk retirement savings on a new venture that’s by it’s very nature, risky.
The next issue is WORK-LIFE BALANCE.
Rigid schedules, family sacrifices…the realities of doing what you had to do at the beginning of the journey.
If you’re not Terry Bradshaw, you need to know that no one’s doing anything but you – probably 12 hours a day.
This dovetails nicely with the final issue: BOUNDARIES.
You may be good at one thing, but not something else…like managing people.
You could outsource, but that’s not cheap and you still have to oversee the work.
SUMMARY
If you’re not already rich and famous, get used to the IRS considering anything you do a hobby.
They’re not dumb.
They know you won’t risk more than you absolutely have to, and that after a certain point you see it as something you enjoy that also helps defray taxes.
This is why they assess a “hobby” tax on successful older people who try to start new businesses and then write off the losses.
No one in their right mind wouldn’t do this since so much money is already being spent trying to make something work.
From personal experience, all I can tell you is this:
1] If you’re not rich and famous and had a career that is still viable, try consulting.
I know lots of retired lawyers who do freelance consulting on the side.
All you need is a cellphone and list of contacts – not a brick and mortar structure filled with expensive equipment and people.
2] If you don’t mind breaking even, or operating at a slight loss, understand that eventually you will have to pay the IRS for your indulgences.
3] If you are rich and famous, do whatever the hell you want.
While you’ll still have to show up once in a while, you’ll still feel relevant.
Just ask Keith Richards.
As covered in my new release, Urban Dystrophy [@Amazon], older men don’t point a finger and “choose” who they date, unless the woman in question is a prostitute with a voracious pimp.
There are no guns to anyone’s head, no coercion, no blackmail…and more often than not, no voodoo.
There are simply two people standing in the same space with motives of their own.
But no matter what those motives happen to be, women call the shots. Period. End of discussion.
The last time I felt deceived into believing that I called the shots was back in my 20’s, fueled by piss, vinegar and testosterone in equal measure.
Since that time, things have changed…for the better, frankly.
To say the very least, I’m happy not to be a woman in her 50’s scouring the earth for Prince Charming.
With this in mind, author Renee Fisher recently penned a tongue-in-cheek article titled, “Why Older Men Should Date Younger Women.”
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/renee-fisher/why-older-men-should-date-younger-women_b_6938060.html
In it she posits 10 reasons why such paradigms “work.”
I will list them and follow with a reality-as-I-know-it discussion.
While I don’t have academic credentials working with people involved in age gap relationships, I have at least 3 doctorates in practical experience.
Before I start, allow me to offer some perspective on where Ms. Fisher is coming from…
She begins with “Women over the age of 50 have been complaining ever since their 50th birthday parties that men their age prefer younger women.”
This is what’s referred to as a set-up, as in you’re being set up to see things from a certain perspective, especially if you’re a female Baby Boomer who’s dating experiences mirror hers.
So here goes:
1. Younger women are universally hot and want sex all the time, except when they are reminding you to take your meds, cooking you great meals or sitting with you in front of the TV, watching all your favorite sports teams in action.
COMMENTS: While it is true that young women are universally hot, it has been my experience that sex happens at the same frequency it does in age-relevant relationships. I might also add that i am usually the one reminding the younger women in my life to take their meds, to learn how to cook, and to seek counseling for texting addiction. Nothing’s a panacea.
2. Younger women can explain all of the latest music, social media trends and technology to you in a way you can completely understand and appreciate.
COMMENTS: My girlfriend is a computer geek, and while I’m fluent in most geek-speak, getting her to explain something is like pulling teeth from a dragon.
3. Younger women would prefer to be in bed by 9 P.M., rather than going out to a trendy club.
COMMENTS: In spite of the obvious satire here, the younger women I’ve known are into health and fitness and enjoy evenings in front of computers, not bartenders.
4. Younger women take a sincere interest in learning everything they can about the ’50s and ’60s and ’70s.
COMMENTS: Why would I care whether or not someone took an interest in my generation’s formative years? All I have to do is keep an eye on my classic rock collection before it ends up in someone else’s classic rock collection.
5. Younger women love to give massages (while they are naked), apply medicinal salves and ointments to you (while they are naked), and are masters at cleaning your ears and cutting your hair (while they are naked)
COMMENTS: The only women of any age I know who do this are paid in cash.
6. Younger women are attracted to men who are paying alimony and/or child support.
COMMENTS: Younger women are attracted to men who can afford to pay their bills, all of them.
7. Younger women become easily aroused by nose and ear hair and reruns of “Gilligan’s Island.”
COMMENTS: Like women of all ages, grooming is something everyone expects to the same degree, and the last I checked, my girlfriend and I watch the same television shows.
8. Younger women know all the latest clothing styles, but prefer men who wear shorts, black socks and Crocs.
COMMENTS: At this writing my entire wardrobe consists of John Varvatos, Vince and Prada.
9. Younger women are universally hot and stay that way, no matter what.
COMMENTS: By the time I’m 80, my girlfriend will still be incredibly hot. So yes, she’s spot-on here.
10. The most compelling reason for the older man/younger woman scenario is the maturation rate of women vs men.
COMMENTS: The suggestion that sexual attraction to younger women somehow denotes immaturity is the same reason our planet hosts billions of human inhabitants.
In this sense, yea, we should probably all be in therapy.
~~~
“When you live as long as affluent men do, as well as they do, you can’t help but expect more out of life. A successful career is one thing, but just because you can afford beachfront property doesn’t mean you want to spend it with someone who reminds you that one day soon you’ll be buried underneath it.” Urban Dystrophy, Chapter 25, May/December.