Obviously, people have nothing better to do with their time.
One of the biggest hurdles we older guys face when trying to maintain our health and fitness goals is finding a core group to keep us on track.
By the time we’ve hit our mid to late 50’s, pretty much everyone our age is gone.
Not dead, necessarily, though you do start hearing more and more about that.
But nowhere [near a gym] to be found.
So our new support group is now comprised of people of all ages.
We’re already in the .01% of men our age just stepping foot in a gym, so imagine how preposterous a challenge to call your old college buddies in for a 2 hour workout.
The hysterical woman in this video reaches far beyond its political framework.
Yes, it is a political rant, but much more importantly, it’s a statement about what it feels like to live as an obese and unattractive middle-age female in the throes of an existential meltdown over feelings of irrelevance and invisibility.
To some this is quite sad.
To people like me, it’s a chapter in my next book about the stratospheric value of youth and beauty.
As you watch, ask yourself why else anyone would ever acknowledge her?
In deference to what’s left of her sanity, one can certainly understand the motivation to assert her existence to the world, a place that otherwise sees right through her.
In this sense, her rant is an assertion of her existence.
I have to admit it’s been a while since I last witnessed such a bizarre manifestation of self-loathing.
Most of the time it’s just a bridge jump and an obscure Obituary notice someplace you can’t even Google.
Nonetheless, it was entertaining, and therefore, accomplished its end no matter how pitiful or embarrassing to her constituency.
I’m going to say some things here that are going to seriously piss off a lot of people.
Not that you aren’t used to it by now, but I’m really going in on this one.
Seat belts please…
The article above from www.yourtango.com appeared earlier this year, but brings up certain realities that mirror my own world.
It was penned by a matchmaker who refuses to handle female clients because, as she puts it, “successful older men prefer to date younger women is because THEY CAN.”
“In this tough singles market, if a man pays top dollar for a matchmaker, he expects nothing less than a 29-year-old model.”
And since women are attracted to confidence and power, they embrace older men who are in possession of both…in abundance.
This is not to say that some younger men aren’t filthy rich.
But if a woman is also looking for security, get in line.
Odds are young men have youth and beauty and nothing more, which is why they don’t need matchmakers. They need bodyguards.
Around Houston, it’s commonplace to see drop-dead beautiful young women in the arms of wealthy older men.
In fact, it’s kind of weird not to, unless the couple have been together a long time and she still looks great courtesy of surgeons and cash.
Is any of this fair? In a certain sense, no.
But in the context of commodities in a world of demand and supply, it’s as fair as it gets.
One guy I know has a list of attributes all women he dates must be in possession of…or the “relationship” will last about an hour.
1] Straight white teeth and healthy gums.
2] Clear complexion.
3] Height/weight proportionate [like a fitness model].
4] Fit [like a fitness model].
5] Breasts and butt perky and proportionate [like a fitness model].
Now, as everyone knows, this woman does no exist. So what many men do is divvy up the attributes to see if whatever is missing can be improved upon.
For example, if a given candidate is small chested, breast augmentation is a slam dunk.
If she needs a little toning up, a personal trainer can get right on that.
If her teeth aren’t perfectly straight – or white – there’s a cosmetic dentist on every street corner.
But not everything can be fixed, so he throws the dice and hope she changes.
But most men of true means don’t have to hope for change because they can afford to purchase love like Gucci handbags.
It’s the guys who don’t have quite enough juice to keep the dice from bouncing of the walls every which way who sleep with one eye open.
Understand that the more money and power a man has, the more line items he can check.
As for these young women, did you know that most Americans haven’t been to Rome?
I know. It’s hard to believe.
The same applies to Aspen, Monaco, Paris and the Amalfi Coast.
Did you know that most young women do not own a Hermes handbag?
So let’s say you’re a 29-year-old woman with looks to burn for the next 3 or 4 years, in a dead-end job, and dating a hot guy who’s sleeping with your best friend, but only when he’s on furlough from prison?
The guy is a derelict. He’s going nowhere but down, and you with him.
Enter a 55-year-old investment banker with class and charm and wit – and yes, money – and the derelict is a very distant memory.
These older men know their positions in the human food chain. They know what they can and cannot do, can and cannot have, and the women are no different.
In the absence of a prominent background and trust fund, the culturally average woman must leverage what she does have in order to acquire what she otherwise never will.
This does not mean that young women who choose to date older men are in it purely for the money. In fact, many fall deeply in love with their daddies.
This is the ideal scenario and it’s more common than you might imagine.
Remember the old expression: “Men fall in love with their eyes, women with their ears.”
So what happens to divorced women in their mid-40’s with kids and a heavy mortgage?
What rich, powerful, handsome 45-year old guy wants a 45-year-old woman with kids?
He wants a 25-year-old fitness model with no kids and a penchant for travel.
The matchmaker offers these three alternatives:
1] Find a matchmaker who accepts women as clients
2] Join hobby groups
3] Get out of the house
I’ll add three more:
1] Get in the best shape of your life.
2] Make damn sure your teeth are straight and white
3] Find the best plastic surgeon in town for the necessary maintenance.
As I have said a millions times before, wealthy older women can always hire houseboys.
In fact, I have noticed an extraordinary rise in older women/younger men couplings due to lackluster economic conditions over the past 8 years.
As every older athlete knows, non-athletes are masters of projection.
Whatever they’d like to be doing – but can’t – they pretend is some sort of psychiatric disability in others.
With this in mind, here are 10 of the most often heard comments from older, non-athletic gym members.
I will dissect each of them in turn…
#1] Don’t overdo it!
Translation: I hope you sprain your knee doing all that stuff I wish i could do – or felt inclined, inspired or otherwise not too lazy to do – so I’d fell better about not doing it.
#2] You’re going to hurt your back doing all that weight!
Translation: I hurt my back working in the garden, so I’ll be damned if you get to lift 400 pounds without at least a strained tendon.
#3] You’re not 20 anymore!
Translation: I’m not 20 anymore and man do I feel it. So hell no! You’re not going to feel one bit younger then me!
#4] Are you trying to win a bodybuilding contest?
Translation: I resemble a human leviathan, so no, you don’t get to make me look and feel irrelevant!
#5] Doesn’t all that weight bother your joints?
Translation: I can’t get out of bed without bottle of Advil, so how can you possibly lift that much weight without swallowing two?
#6] Are you taking steroids?
Translation: Because I look like crap, he should look like crap. And if he doesn’t, it’s because he’s taking steroids, which doesn’t count.
#7] You’re my hero! [Back-handed compliment].
Translation: This is back-handed compliment that is both self-deprecating and dismissive. Sure, I’d like to look like that, but what ‘lunatic’ puts in that much effort without some psychiatric disability?
#8] Where do you get the energy to workout like that?
Translation: I have no energy to speak of, so why [or how] does he? This is also a way of putting me in my place through subtle innuendo that he knows I am, in fact, no longer 20.
#9] I know a man who ended up in the morgue doing that.
Translation: I’m afraid to anything physical anymore as I fear death more than I fear doing the things that I love. So basically, I’m already dead.
#10] Are you trying to live forever?
Translation: What difference does it make whether or not I work out? We’re all going to die. Of course, living better always trumps living longer, so there’s that.
There is no question that we Baby Boomers can no longer train the way we did at 20.
But this does not mean we can’t kick the average 20-year-old to the curb in the gym.
In order to do this, we must train smart.
If you can afford it, hire a qualified personal trainer with a degree in Kinesiology.
That’s what I did and it’s why I’m where I am today.
Your trainer can also offer tips on nutrition, and help keep you motivated.
The most common reason I hear from older men as to why they don’t hire a personal trainer is that they don’t want to commit to a certain time to train everyday.
Translation: I don’t really want to put myself through all this crap. Who am I kidding?
Mick Jagger, 73, is now on his 8th child with 29-year-old ballerina Melanie Hamrick.
As you might imagine, people have lots to say about this, mostly negative.
“He’s too old to have a child.”
“Their 44-year age difference is outrageous.”
“She’s a gold-digger.”
“He’s a lech.”
“The whole situation is perverted.”
It’s very easy to criticize people for their unconventional lifestyles.
But last time I checked, nobody put a bullet to Melanie’s head, and I’m sure the children will do just fine…
The article above is just one of many such articles appearing in every media format.
YOUNG BEAUTIFUL WOMEN TRAVEL THE WORLD WITH WEALTHY OLDER MEN
Blah blah blah
No news, right?
Women have been doing this for eons.
But today it’s a little different in that women have learned the art of compartmentalization, not unlike homicidal psychopaths who kill without sympathy or remorse and then attend a family picnic.
Of course, the women in question aren’t killing anyone.
They’re just playing a game that’s becoming culturally sanctioned.
That’s the difference.
Today its considered normal to go to Europe with someone you have no emotional interest in, while having a traditional relationship with a bartender back home.
You get your financial needs met by the older man of affluence and everything else met by the bartender.
People these days have wised up to the fact that you can’t have everything under one roof and this is the contemporary answer.
After all, as the Mercedes Benz commercials keep telling us, “you only deserve the very best.”
Apparently this applies to everyone from ex cons to street pimps.
This is the guy you’re probably familiar with, a bit younger, and before all the steroids. Still very fit, but not totally insane!
So what in god’s name does JK Simmons eat for breakfast? Steroids.
What does JK Simmons eat for lunch? Steroids.
What does JK Simmons eat for dinner? Steroids.
And in case you’re wondering what in the hell JK Simmons is getting so jacked for, apparently it’s for his new “Justice League” role.
Most of you are familiar with the concept of reincarnation, but at my gym, it’s taken quite literally for good reason.
Average guys you’ve seen around the gym for years – decades in some cases – suddenly reappear, almost unrecognizable, with muscle chiseled like Italian marble, and attitudes to match.
No longer are they just some office guy with a wife, two children and a chronic headache.
Now they’re a Marvel Comics character, performing enormous feats of strength overnight, while shedding bodyfat and building huge mass at the same time.
How does this happen? How does such tremendous transformation in size and attitude occur at such an alarming rate?
How do you think?
How does a distance athlete, for example, maintain so much mass and leanness burning tens of thousands of calories a week — without any strength training?!?
S T E R O I D S
There is NO OTHER WAY to accomplish this feat of preternatural transformation without help from big pharma.
Am I knocking steroid use? Hell no. I’m just calling bullshit on those who refuse to admit the obvious.
Older men of means, and particularly the more vain among us, do not wish to fade out slowly.
They want to run hard, play hard, and look good at any and all cost – cost being the operative word because nothing in life is free, and I’m not talking about the cost of medication.
What’s fueling all of this is a loophole in the medical industry that allows physicians to deal steroids under the auspices of hormone replacement therapy.
It’s been going on for many, many years, and finally, the advertising has paid off.
Now any Internist with an average practice can become a multi-millionaire dealing testosterone, HGH and a litany of other related drugs to affluent older patients who want another shot at youth.
This is considered normal in many circles, mine included.
I bring all this up because most everything you ever read on the Internet about older men achieving these super-human physiques through hard training, diet and rest is absurd.
This doesn’t mean you can’t be fit and strong at 60.
What it does mean, however, is that without drugs, you’ll have to lower the baseline if you’re interested in getting anywhere close to reality without blowing your brains over a goal no human can otherwise achieve.
PHYSICIANS CATCH ON TO THE GRAVY TRAIN
I remember just a few years ago when money started drying up for physicians that alternative income sources started popping up all over town.
Most of them were Botox and Juvederm parties where Internists, for example, would invite 100 of their friends over for injections over cocktails at $500 a pop.
If the parties were big enough, they would offer greater discounts.
This went on for a while until a new breed of doctors started offering testosterone to their patients with “low-testosterone.”
The market for testosterone was ten times more lucrative because it required weekly injections, rather than injections once every two years.
Making things even better for them is the fact that patients don’t have to take blood tests, just have a conversation with the physician about how you don’t feel at 60 the way you did at 25.
At my health club, there is a certain go-to look among the women of affluence: “Long, lean, timeless and elegant” is the way its described.
Bulky, curvy and/or overly muscled women are considered low class.
It’s a look relegated to strippers, sugar babies, and prostitutes for the most part.
But it can also include tattoo artists, bartenders, figure models, and “convention” girls hired to showcase things like expensive automobiles.
Thus, an incredibly thin body has become the new way to signal wealth and distinguish oneself from the masses.
“I’m successful, intelligent and at the top of my game…”
Alexa Chung Amal Clooney look so under-developed that, in some cases, critics say they appear pre-pubescent.
Some stars appear to have waists the same sizes as catwalk models, many of whom measure 24in — the same as an eight-year-old child.
Achieving this look suggests an abundance of leisure time, which is also important element in this equation, reinforcing the overall narrative.
One must spend hours honing their physiques at the gym, and “the income to maintain a fantastically expensive diet and exercise regime.”
They see it as intelligent, sophisticated and timeless…kind of the way they see themselves.
The women, therefore, are reflections of their narcissistic projection.
A businessman wants to introduce a Stepford Wife to his colleagues because of what it conveys.
After all, no one could possibly suggest that she didn’t care about her appearance, or that she was unhappy at home…or depressed.
In fact, quite the opposite.
When a man introduces a woman who is curvy or in any way carrying extra baggage, the take-away is that he is less successful, less powerful.
Further to this is simple physics.
Smaller women are also easier to control in bed, thus reinforcing the man’s power and influence. As men age, they are less agile, which emaciation on the part of the partner mitigates.
And finally, there is the “pre-pubescent” thing.
I hate to dwell here, but in my view, many of these men secretly harbor a fetish for little girls. It’s kind of like statutory rape, only legal.
Seriously, why else would grown men prefer sleeping with someone who resembles a 12-year-old child?
Baby Boomer, Mickey Rourke, 64, struts his crazy shit in Beverly Hills like nobody’s business.
Look at this guy: 64-year-old amalgamation of physical strength and gender-bender audacity.
He’s irony in motion, annihilator of boundaries, the Louis Vitton and Pomeranian standing guard at the castle gates.
After a certain point in life, successful artists just don’t give a crap what you think.
They care about what they think, which inspires the rest of humanity question conformity in general.
So while most guys his age [and level of success] don’t look anything like Mickey Rourke, inside we’re all very similar: Driven, defiant, audacious, struggling to keep the pool of relevance deep and vast against what seems like endless odds.
For this alone you have to give credit where it’s due. Mickey Rourke has taunted fate, living his life inside out in all its glory.
His appearance is emblematic.
Whatever his deepest motives if there are any], the man lives life with a middle finger to the wind, and for that he deserves respect.