Is Aging a Disease?

 

0bba1e9bdhttp://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/02/the-narcissistic-injury-of-middle-age/283602/

To the normal person, aging is considered a natural process that one accepts.

To the normal urbanite, it’s a disease like leukemia that one fights tooth and nail with testosterone, dermal fillers, plastic surgery and 6-hour kickboxing classes.

With this in mind, I can state unequivocally that aging is the crucible of my generation.

NEWSFLASH: We are NO LONGER the center of the universe.

Now the only way we get that level of attention is by doing something that lands us on the evening news.

Many refer to this phenomenon as “invisibility.”

Some describe it to be a lot like death, but more expensive.

Whatever it is, though, sucks.

In the article, the answer is to “use our accumulated wisdom and experience to help guide the next generation.”

For some, this is enough. They coach Little league, get involved in charitable causes, move to Florida.

But for millions of others, this is not how they see themselves, or the balance of their lives, which could very well span several decades.

For me, it’s about getting up everyday and putting one foot in front of the other.

Think of it as the first step in a twelve-step program.

If you can’t get out of bed, you just as soon swallow that bottle of Xanax in the closet.

Your next step is to take stock of what you do have and balance it against what you don’t.

I use a Magic Marker and draw a black line down the center of a page: The good is on the left, the bad on the right.

If the “good” column has more entrees than the bad, it’s a good day.

The next thing I do is eat clean. It’s a pain in the ass, but you get used to it.

Then I sit down at my desk and write. This constitutes work, which is critical to any man’s self-esteem. You can’t just drift. It will obliterate whatever is left of you in a heartbeat.

Now you know why people like The Stones still tour. They hardly need the money. It’s about relevance, visibility, and purpose. You have to have a reason to go on.

Okay, so now that you’re eating right and doing something professionally challenging and meaningful, you have to go to the gym.

This does not mean get a gym membership and participate in some senior’s stretching class. It means going to the gym and busting your ass alongside people half your age.

Then you have to rest and recover. This takes longer than it used to and that’s just the way it is no matter what the hell you do.

Next, you will need a life beyond yourself to soften the blows of aging, which involves another human being. Living alone works great for homicidal sociopaths, but not middle-aged men.

If you’re in a dead-end marriage, you owe it to yourself, and your spouse, to either improve the situation or move on.

Putting a hooker on the payroll [like a lot of guys I know] only insures that the already disastrous relationship with your current wife will end up in the hands of attorneys. It’s a downward spiral.

Finally, count your blessings. Remember the list? Read it, over and over and over again until you memorize the good stuff.

I have to do this every day and believe me when I tell you, it keeps the pity party at arms length, which is exactly where it belongs.

By the way, I’m competing again in the USAPL power-lifting competition this July in Houston to hold my state record in the dead lift. Here’s a video of my progress so far…

IMG_1718

 

Anthony Kiedis [52] Dating Wanessa Milhomem [22].

26BAD95100000578-2998726-image-m-173_1426596941000

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2998726/Anthony-Kiedis-52-takes-girlfriend-Wanessa-Milhomem-22-surfing.html

Why is this a story?

Because anything involving successful older men in the company of beautiful young women tends to fly off the shelves.

Why is this?

Because older women [and younger men] want someone to beat on for “dismissing” them.

Here’s one such comment:

“Nancy” from Washington D.C. wrote in reference to someone who said that the relationship made perfect sense…”Except that maybe he’s on a catheter when the kid is graduating from college. or worse, suffering from Alzheimer’s and trying to work out who his kid is…”

“Nancy” like others of her mindset are loath to accept the fact that age disparity may involve far more than a simple exchange of commodities. I might also add that science has repeatedly dismissed the efficacy of crystal balls, so we have no idea who will go first; or when, or how.

Life is not a linear calculation. Weird things happen along the way. Unexpected things. Nobody knows what’s around the next corner. The shoe just drops when it drops.

If Kiedis were to date a 52-year-old woman, she might drop dead tomorrow of a brain aneurism. She might also outlive him by 20 years after he got hit back a garbage truck. Then there’s the fidelity issue, as in what happens if she sleeps with another rock star while Anthony is on tour?

This is when people fall back into the “likelihood” discussion, which is fine as long as everything plays out as planned.

In this context, one must conclude that Kiedis will go first.

However, if they stay together for 10 years, that would be 2 years longer than the average marriage lasts between age-relevant couples in the United States.

Win-win.

As for raw statistics, they do bear out that large age gaps lead to higher divorce rates, but I would submit that the reason for this is because many of the people in these relationships are in them for everything BUT emotion.

How long do hookers last? An hour?

In fairness, not every woman is on board with the criticism as the following article illustrates:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/monique-honaman/shes-how-old-do-age-diffe_b_3684419.html

Some people actually understand that love is where you find it no matter what it looks like from the outside.

I am in one of these “doomed’ relationships. My live-in girlfriend of 4 years is 30 years my junior.

Does this make me feel better about myself, my masculinity, or my success in life?

No.

Would I prefer that she be closer to my age?

No. I like beautiful young objects I can kick around like a soccer ball…lol.

You critics really need to get a life.

 

Who Do Some Men Just Get Better With Age?

261FA63A00000578-2970768-image-a-8_14255474950752644076400000578-2970768-image-m-7_1425547488310

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2970768/Liam-Neeson-George-Clooney-Pierce-Brosnan-Hollywood-stars-awesome-age.html#cid=55367783552

When many people envision a 62-year-old man, they don’t see Liam Neeson.

What they do see, quite frankly, is a stereotype many of us in this general chronological ballpark don’t resemble.

Not even close, actually.

So what’s our secret?

1] Eat clean. Lots of fruits and vegetables and high quality protein.

Comments: Eating clean will become a part of your daily ritual. You will eventually learn that while cheat days are occasionally acceptable, it’s best to stick with cheat meals. An entire day of bad eating will cost you a week of rehab.

2] Get plenty of rest. 8 hours a night is like not having to pay a plastic surgeon before their time. 

Comments: In the days before I had a live-in girlfriend, I was out 6 nights a week. My sleep habits were all over the place, but the “running the nights’ rush helped mitigate whatever I lost in REM 4. Of course, I was also younger, which helped. See, the older you get, the less help you get. If this is lost on you, go back to therapy. If you’re more comfortable with an internist, they’ll probably refer you to one.

3] Hydrate. Hydrate. Hydrate. With water, not vodka. You can squeeze a lemon in it if you want a vague reminder of what it was like to down a lemon drop martini.

Comments: The function of the kidneys, which helps to regulate fluid, declines with aging. The ability to recognize thirst decreases with aging — sometimes older people don’t realize they are thirsty. With aging, the amount of body water decreases. So even a small change in fluid intake can cause dehydration. The fallout from dehydration just isn’t worth it.

  • dry mouth and nose
  • loose and/or dry skin
  • skin “tenting” in the forehead
  • increased tiredness and/or weakness
  • restlessness
  • sudden (acute) confusion
  • concentrated urine
  • dizziness and orthostatic hypotension (standing causes sudden drop in blood pressure, feeling dizzy, and even fainting)
  • increased heart rate
  • loss of appetite
  • constipation
  • nausea and vomiting

4] Workout every day of the week: 3 days of weight training, 3 days of cardio, 1 day of stretching and recovery.

Comments: Don’t freak out. I’m not telling you to spend your entire life in a gym. I’m asking for one hour a day: 3 days a week of resistance training for strength, flexibility and bone density, followed by stretching. 3 days a week of cardio at 60-85% of maximum, followed by stretching. 1 day a week to recover. I spend a little time with foam rollers and lacrosse balls to break up the fascia and improve blood flow.

5] Manicure your face: trim eyebrows, nose hair, ear hair, and whatever other hair you may or may not have.

Comments: There’s nothing that says “I’m oblivious” than a lack of personal grooming. A lot of old guys look like tree moss. It’s pathetic. Clearly, they’ve given up. But just remember, when you give up, people give up on you. Put another way, you disappear.

6] Use quality skin products. Borax won’t cut it anymore.

Comments: A lot of guys give me shit about my rather robust regimen of skin products, but they never fail to suggest that I’ve gone under the knife, which is not true. What is true is that I take care of my skin because it no longer takes care of itself. My suggestion is that you see a dermatologist for an overall assessment and product suggestions.

7] Keep “toxic” stress levels low. There’s a difference between good stress and bad stress. One gets you out of bed. The other one puts you in the ground.

Comments: One of the many downsides to getting older is that stress is not something the body handles as well as it used it. The good news, however, is that you don’t have to put up with as much crap as you used to, so use that to your advantage as much as possible. I use the line, “at this stage of the game, I’ve earned the right to just say no.”

8] Choose you gene pool carefully. Unfortunately, this one’s out of your hands, which is a drag since it also happens to be the most important one and the main reason why you have to follow all of the aforementioned rules.

Comments: Your genes will determine the lion’s share of how your life plays out. Some say that only 15% of what you do changes the course of destiny, but I disagree. With perfect genetics I could overdose on heroin at 18.

9] Never let a photographer with an on-camera flash get within ten feet of you for photo ops. If you do, you’ll understand why you should not have allowed this in the first place.

Comments: Understand that you cannot compete with your 25-year-old face. This is why professional models tend to be children in adult clothing. With this in mind, the closer an on-camera flash gets to you, the worse you will look. So either tell the photographer to lose the flash, or step the hell back.

10] If your girlfriend is significantly younger than you are, come to terms with the fact that you will get older as she appears to get younger.

Comments: This is a very real problem for both genders who date inter-generationally. The upside is that the younger of the two will always be appear physically beautiful. The downside is that you will always look like their parent no matter how good you look. There is a hidden cost in every seamless transaction.

Final remarks:

Liam Neeson was photographed on a set in flattering light, which makes the most of his appearance. But understand that no matter what the lighting happens to be, if you live your life like Keith Richards, you will look like Keith Richards no matter what the lighting happens to be. 

 

Aging Takes Toll on the Male Psyche

10q_0425

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/robin-williams-in-a-group-facing-higher-risk-of-suicide-older-white-men-with-depression/2014/08/12/8e1164d6-225e-11e4-86ca-6f03cbd15c1a_story.html

One reader commented:

White middle aged and older men suffer from depression and commit suicide at a higher rate because their life centers around career, status and making money…”

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/baby-boomers-are-killing-themselves-at-an-alarming-rate-begging-question-why/2013/06/03/d98acc7a-c41f-11e2-8c3b-0b5e9247e8ca_story.html

The writer commented:

“…many Boomers are reluctant to accept the realities of aging.”

I’m gonna’ let you in on a little secret: Nobody accepts aging. Nobody. It’s something we all deal with either through denial or prescription medications.

There are exceptions:

1] Those who manage to keep themselves so busy [and distracted] in their careers that they don’t have 5 minutes to think about it.

2] People of low ambition and correspondingly low expectations in culture groups of similar mindsets.

The rest of us have to fight our way through it with varying degrees of success.

I have no way of knowing what Robin Williams felt the day he took his life. No one can stand in another person’s shoes, to inhabit their lives.

But what I can say with absolute certainty is that successful older men do feel intense pressure to maintain relevance, both physically and professionally, and when either one of these falters, the emotional fallout is usually disastrous.

Most people visualize successful older men sitting on a beach in Tahiti, waiting for the gulls to drag them out to sea. But what they fail to consider is that the very things that got them to where they are still burn. Beaches are nice for a weekend, but boredom is usually just around the corner, and, after that…indignity.

 

Sugar Daddy Dating Goes “Normal”

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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2990407/We-NOT-prostitutes-Femail-goes-inside-sugar-daddy-dating-world-women-make-60k-year-relationships-rich-older-men.html

All I have to say about this is kudos to the young women who’ve learn to leverage assets in a tough economy that is largely bereft of a middle class. As a young woman in the article said, “‘You can marry a man who provides the basics for you, while you devote your life to him, wreck your body giving him children, and he’ll still cheat on you.’

Amen.

Love is Hard…Even for the Open-Minded

polyamory

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gracie-x/compersion-a-polyamorous-principle-that-can-strengthen-any-relationship_b_6803868.html?ir=Weird+News&ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000022

Polyamorous relationships are kind of like two primary codependent alcoholics.

I’ve been sober 4 years, but have no tokens as testaments to my sobriety. This, I assume, is because “sex addiction” is still considered a compulsivity disorder, not an addiction.

Nonetheless, I’ve had a monogamous sexual relationship with the same woman for 4 years…and counting.

This is a first for me, quite frankly, and I’m proud of it.

If I were “off the wagon,” I’d openly support polyamorous couplings. I’d be an idiot not to.

If I were a pedophile, I’d support lowering the age of consent to like 9, or something.

We all do what enables our compulsions, addictions and/or perversions whether we choose to admit it or not.

You think the relationship between Bonnie and Clyde was a coincidence? Please.

 

On Dating Men in Their 60’s [or older men, in general]

549b4f06a8262_-_elle-60-year-old-men-dating-v

http://www.elle.com/life-love/sex-relationships/advice/a9/dating-men-in-their-sixties/

In my particular socioeconomic niche, inter-generational dating is considered normal. A lot of this, as expected, has to do with financial security. But it also involves other things tangential to getting older, which I will cover.

In my mind, the only reason not to be open to dating older men is child-bearing, which is often a non-issue as many women these days either forestall, or avoid it altogether. Needless to say, most 60-year-old men are going to be less inclined to put up with raising a family, unless it involves dogs and cats. They’d rather focus their attention on the young women in their lives, which is the point of this article.

My new soon-to-be-available book, Urban Dystrophy, covers a lot of this, but suffice to say, it just makes sense when you balance the commodities of youth and beauty with maturity and appreciation.

I’m in one of these relationships. My girlfriend is 30 years my junior, and we’ve been living together for 4 years. Do her friends wonder if she’s lost her mind? No. In fact, I’ve noticed that many are intrigued as our culture changes.

As for the math, it’s irrelevant. When I’m 70 and she’s 40, we will have been together 14 years. This would constitute a record by today’s standards.

If she stays healthy, she will outlive me. If she doesn’t, I may spend years at her bedside. The point is nobody knows. We all want to run the numbers, but they often don’t pan out.

This is why I don’t think about it. If I did I would be dating someone my own age who would probably kill me long before I was physically dead.

So here are my top 5 reasons for dating older men:

1] Maturity

2] Appreciation

3] Security

4] Desire to please [and pleasure]

5] Experience and/or worldliness

It also bears noting that my SO and share tastes in music, embrace technology and live a healthy lifestyle.

Relevance is not just measured in years.

 

Madonna and Her Battle for Relevance in the Middle Years

madonna-living-for-love-music-video

http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/6487469/madonna-compares-ageism-against-her-to-racism-and-homophobia

Madonna Louise Ciccone [aka Madonna] was born in Bay City, Michigan on August 16, 1958, which makes her 56 years of age. Her career started in 1979 and since that time she has amassed a fortune exceeding $800 million dollars doing exactly what she wanted to do with her life, which is pretty much everything a human being could possibly hope to do in one lifetime, or 100 for that matter.

The tailwind from her career would be enough to propel most clinical narcissists into old age without the help of a therapist, but not Madonna. No. She demands the world see her the way that it did 30 years ago, in spite if the fact that it is 30 years later.

In light of this, it’s no surprise that she levels charges of “ageism” as if that’s going to somehow guilt-trip her fans into some sort of collective hallucination.

The poor woman just fell off the stage during a comeback performance, for god’s sake. That’s about as bad as it gets for a cultural icon that uses fame the way human beings use blood.

Youth is gone, Louise. I’m sorry. I feel it, too. So does everyone else our age. But we don’t do ourselves any favors trying to be something we’re not. If you want to believe the applause you receive from aging women and drag queens constitutes transcendence, I’m sorry.

I remember seeing Madonna at NYC nightclubs back in the late 70’s. She was unknown, striking, wildly creative, and always blitzing for attention. She leveraged the currency of youth to achieve her objectives when she had it in spades. Some people are fortunate that way. Personal conviction is something most of us have to earn over time.

Nonetheless, after many decades of Madonna being Madonna, her relevance is vanishing. And while in all likelihood she can still fill arenas, the reason has everything to do with nostalgia and nothing whatsoever to do with another successful reinvention.

If she wants to act, let her act. Meryl Streep still does it. If she wants to make a nightclub appearance here and there, maybe belt out an old jazz standard, go for it. Woody Allen has a regular gig at Café Carlyle in New York. It’s all good.

With these thoughts in mind, I regret to say that I can no longer rock my crimson Spandex in the gym, in spite of the fact that I haven’t aged a day since 1979.