While Men Fight Their Way Up the Corporate Ladder, Many Women in Houston Fight Their Way Up the Social Ladder [usually fist-to-cuff]

NEW YORK, NY - MAY 14:  Comes With Baggage Founder Lori Levine shows off her one-of-a-kind orange HermËs Birkin at the Comes With Baggage Fashion Editor Preview on May 14, 2013 in New York City.  (Photo by Cindy Ord/Getty Images for Comes With Baggage)

HermËs Birkin bag

http://nypost.com/2015/05/24/inside-the-bizarre-life-of-an-upper-east-side-housewife/

Wednesday Martin, author of Primates of Park Avenue, she found herself, she says, “going native.” She wanted to belong among the Upper East Side mommies who hired stylists and makeup artists for school drop-off and pickup, who got preventive Botox every three months, who perfected the flawless facade.

~ ~ ~

In many ways, this is the female version of my new book, Urban Dystrophy, now available on #Amazon.

Again, money is the buy-in, followed by a tightly-scripted narrative to which all aspirants must adhere – to the letter.

Think of it as high school all over again, but without the food fights.

Men know all about this.

In exchange for a residence at “900 Park Avenue,” women stand at the Devil’s Crossroads and relinquish their souls for a table at the right restaurant where people eat each other.

The ones who survive have the most checks on the list of must-haves.

Age comes to mind.

To wit, the author  refuses to reveal her age.

All we know is “I’m in my 40’s.” 

The reason for this is academic:

Not only are women expected to perform well under the scrutiny of white hot halogen, but because youth and beauty are expected to be indelible commodities, the farther away one drifts, the more perilous the journey.

No wonder Botox runs like rivers on the Upper East Side.

Mothers then pass these values on to their children, who attend the right schools, go on the right play dates, have the right tutors, and generally, explore all that “intensive mothering” can – and damn well better – provide.

People say celebrities are so different from everyone else, but when it gets down to it, money is what splits the herd.

Denial’s a Bitch

madonna-624-1375114464Where she started…

2D11438128-today-madonna-gold-grills-140125.blocks_desktop_medium

What’s left…

After belting out her classic song of female empowerment “Express Yourself,” at Coachella, the 56-year-old pop legend, Madonna, pulled the 28-year-old singer, Drake, back in his chair to plant a heavy kiss on his lips.

Then all hell broke loose.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3036560/Madonna-56-makes-Drake-28-onstage-Coachella-doesn-t-notice-look-horror-walks-off.html

~~~

Naivete in grownups is often charming; but when coupled with vanity it is indistinguishable from stupidity. Eric Hoffer

~~~

Madonna is closing in on 60 years old and a shadow of her former self, which I know is shocking to those of you who think she resembles the woman on the cover of her new CD.

If she were a writer or folk singer or politician or television actor or newscaster or cashier at WalMart she could go on and on and on. But sex symbol? Please.

And that gold dental grill!!! Seriously??? What drugs drive people this far off the ranch???

I guess it has everything to do with being at the top of the pop music world for decades only to feel pressured to pass the baton to the next generation.

If it were me, I’d do the same damn thing as long as I had no idea how ridiculous it made me look.

I’m sure no one let’s her in on this dirty little secret, though.

Why would they? Their careers rest on her perpetuity no matter how desperate she looks in the process.

But what propelled her to stardom is still part of who she is today. In this sense, she is stuck in the past, always looking for the next opportunity to resurrect herself, this time around with an undercurrent of indignant rage.

The bottom line is that she is no longer “herself” on the outside, which means that she has to redefine who she is on the inside.

At this writing, this does not appear to be happening.

Nonetheless, what she’s going through is not unique to women.

Men become the punchlines of jokes when they live the way they did 30 ago, refusing to acknowledge that 30 years have passed.

We all age. It sucks. It’s nature’s cruel joke. Call it what you will. But it’s a reality we all face no matter who we are.

Some fare better than others, mostly because they’re not Madonna.

They don’t have to fill stadiums, pander to fans, focus on trying to bend and shape perception of aging until people no longer see it.

In this sense Madonna as “Madonna” is her own worst nightmare.

If she wants to salvage her dignity and assure a resurrection of sorts, she should take her own advice and perform alone on a simple stage with an acoustic guitar.

No dancers, backup singers, pyrotechnics and god’s knows what the hell else.

Now that would be a concert worth seeing.

POSTSCRIPT

Who attends Madonna concerts?

1] Older women who relate to her midlife delusions.

2] Gay men who imagine Madonna loves them more than she loves herself.

3] No one else that I’m aware of.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/11/madonna-gay-fans-_n_6846882.html

UPDATE

http://www.msn.com/en-us/music/news/drake-weighs-in-on-his-reaction-to-that-madonna-kiss-at-coachella/ar-AAaYOUt

Now Drake has said that, in so many words, he was delighted to have had the opportunity to be kissed by the queen, Madonna.

Yea right, dude.

Best to cover your ass.

The “Ideal Female Physique” to Certain Men of a Certain Age

Film Title: The Stepford Wives.

Not that I need to remind any of you in my demographic, but for “outsiders” interested in what older men find physically ideal in women, you can use the link below to run the numbers for yourselves.

Most women I’m around can recite them in their sleep.

http://www.stepfordwives.org/diary/tag/stepford-wives-body-size/

769558-kosNeedless to say, what you want is not necessarily what you get.

………………..

I was in the gym yesterday when one of the guys I train with commented on how many of the women around us had identical physiques.

I guess my narrative is beginning to rub off on some of these guys.

“OF COURSE THEY ALL LOOK [AND ACT] ALIKE! SO DO BLACK OPS! IT’S HOW THEY WIN WARS!”

………………

Speaking in generalities is always a dicey proposition, but generalizations do have their place, or no one would have the vaguest idea what I was talking about.

To wit, women of a certain demographic – or those aspiring to become members of it – know that a specific appearance is the key to “moving up.”

It’s not that other attributes are ignored. It’s that one opens the door while the other closes it behind them.

Let’s take my health club, for example.

All of the “well married” – or aspirants – look like they rolled out of the same factory.

Their overall physique is best described as “long and lean.”

Some have described it as that of 12-year-old boys in yoga pants and tans.

But why would any man want the women in his life to look like an adolescent boy?

Here are 5 of the most commonly cited reasons, though they tend to avoid using the adolescent boy metaphor:

 

1] High-end fashion apparel is designed around a long, lean look, so women who look this way always look great at cocktail parties and benefits. 

2] Women on the “curvy” side give the impression that the men in their company are, for whatever reason, are unable to command a more exemplary model.

3] Women who are “long and lean” look more educated, cultured and intelligent, which reflects well on the man in their lives, even if neither is the actual case.

4] Men of this demographic prefer smaller women they can physically handle, and subconsciously, dominate. 

5] Women who fit this profile avoid criticism from other women, which makes men who rely on flawless social reflections feel better about their choice in mates.

 

POSTSCRIPT

I was having lunch yesterday at my health-club when one of the staff approached my table to thank me for helping her with her diet. I simply suggested that she try a diet more in line with the Paleo guidelines, which avoid such items as bread.

But what struck me wasn’t that something I suggested was helping her accomplish her weight goals, but why she was trying to lose so much weight in the first place.

“Jay,” she said, “I know that my ticket out of this job is my body. If I can just get that lean look, I can come back here as a member.”

 

A few statistics worth noting from the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders:

 

1] Women are much more likely than men to develop an eating disorder. Only an estimated 5 to 15 percent of people with anorexia or bulimia are male.14

2] An estimated 0.5 to 3.7 percent of women suffer from anorexia nervosa in their lifetime.14 Research suggests that about 1 percent of female adolescents have anorexia.

3] An estimated 1.1 to 4.2 percent of women have bulimia nervosa in their lifetime.

4] An estimated 2 to 5 percent of Americans experience binge-eating disorder in a 6-month period.

5] About 50 percent of people who have had anorexia develop bulimia or bulimic patterns.

6] 20% of people suffering from anorexia will prematurely die from complications related to their eating disorder, including suicide and heart problems.

 

Needless to say, the costs of maintenance are usually ten times the value of homes in nicer neighborhoods, and I haven’t even mentioned jail time for women who suffer homicidal rage targeted at the husbands.

 

Urban Dystrophy [Digital Version] Available on Amazon this week!

Screen Shot 2015-03-29 at 12.24.31 PM copyLAUNCH DATE FOR DIGITAL VERSION ANNOUNCED ON MAY, 2015!

PRINT VERSION TO FOLLOW.

From Urban Dystrophy:

“You get back what others think you’re worth, not what you think you’re worth. And unless you can afford not to care, you better care. With practice, you’ll be able to determine your own relative value so you’re not disappointed by things you thought you deserved, but didn’t for reasons you may resent, but better get used to.”

“Most middle-aged men struggling to balance acquisition of wealth with fading relevance feel like characters in an apocalypse series with recurring story arcs.”

“I compete with popular culture every day, on every level, including in my love life where it’s particularly competitive.”

“I once knew a forty-two-year-old pharmaceutical rep that kept a list of mandatory line items prospective “boyfriends” had to meet. It sat on her iPad for easy reference. If I remember correctly, the last count was 22,328.”

“Eventually we all reach a point in life where we can no longer hit on young women without also being hit on by a bouncer.”

“In the old days, men had wives and mistresses. This was considered normal. It was understood that emotional intimacy in men was a sign of weakness, and therefore, if women wanted their men to remain strong and faithful to their marriages, mistresses were necessary.”

“At middle age, the situation becomes ten times worse. Although women are decades older than they were back in college, men still measure them against their 1980 yearbook picture, which is why most of the women they date were born about that time. This same pathology manifests in the perception that men and women age at different rates, even if they technically don’t.”

“Women say blessings are counted by the number of people who give you unconditional love. But, others contend that you still die alone, and that bouncing nickels off a flawless ass is worth the blind faith in miracles.”

We’ve also produced some limited edition t-shirts, should you be interested in brandishing the narrative!

The logo below:

proofcopy

Curves Vs. Face in Over-40 Women: A Man’s Perspective.

26FE34B300000578-3011773-image-m-16_1427322509796

Candice Bergen [68] has a curvy figure.

26FE37DD00000578-3011773-image-m-26_1427322629269 Victoria Beckham [40] has a thin figure.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3011773/It-s-classic-advice-given-women-age-40-does-woman-really-choose-FACE-BOTTOM.html

Articles like this one have been popping up a lot lately as aging women feel the pressure to conform to standards they themselves set decades ago. This one in particular was written in response to Candice Bergen’s comments about aging women where she advises older women to “keep a lovely, plump pretty face, and stay sitting down.”

Needless to say, this upset women who feel that objectification is a crucible they will never outlive.

They’re right, actually. They will never outlive it.

The older men I spend time around tend to be ambitious and successful. They have high expectations and are surrounded by a culture group that reinforces this narrative.

While it is not uncommon to see out-of-shape, age-relevant couples who’ve been married for decades, there is usually a back story, an off-the-books apartment in Manhattan in someone else’s name, perhaps.

If a man does happen to crave big beautiful women, he calls an escort service and keeps his mouth shut. They both do. For a price.

Back to the subject at hand, the men in my demographic tend to like the same body types: Fit, thin, and tall [ish]. Some describe it as that of a 12-year-old boy.

This is not to say that these men are gay, but that a certain androgynous aesthetic is preferred.

Why?

Several reasons, but first an example:

hotsale-women-s-swimwear-super-sexy-solid

Now for the reasons:

1] They look great in designer apparel, regardless of the designer.

2] They can wear a basically nothing no matter what time of the month it happens to be.

3] Other woman hate them, which men love.

4] The subconscious dominance men experience in their company bolsters self esteem, both in and out of the bedroom.

5] Thin women convey to men that they understand and appreciate a particular aesthetic, thus, no matter what the hell happens, including pregnancy, they will always squeeze into a size “0-2” Chanel cocktail dress.

So basically, Candice Bergen is right.

She had her day in the sun and has finally come to a place of acceptance.

A rare admission, indeed. No wonder women are so pissed off at her.

If I didn’t look like the model above, I would be, too.

 

Ronnie Wood [67] and Sally Humphreys [37] Tie the Knot. Congratulations!

169DB94A000005DC-0-image-a-24_1426761140187

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3003820/Rolling-Stones-rocker-Ronnie-Wood-67-lovingly-kisses-wife-Sally-37-cheek-attend-charity-gala.html

Ya gotta read the comments on this one. Lots of jealousy couched as “common sense.”

Here’s a typical example: “Let’s face it. If he were an ordinary fella , in a normal job, she wouldn’t be seen dead, next to him.” Somebody, United Kingdom

Newsflash: A 37-year-old ordinary fella, in a normal job, wouldn’t have a shot in hell with her, either.

She’s clearly taken with extraordinarily successful, and, in Ronnie’s case, famous men.

So what?

People find themselves with one another for their own reasons, none of them being anyone else’s business.

Those bitching are the usual suspects: Older average men in dead end relationships with older average women, young men who resent older, more successful men “hoarding” their women, and older women who can’t find a man to save their lives.

Nobody else is complaining, believe me.

While Ms. Humphrey married someone who will in all likelihood predecease her, she has also made a conscious decision that what she’s taken on is far better than what she might leave behind. People do this at every stage if their lives. Young women choose young men for their good looks, coupled with their perceived ability to provide, and then go on to become good husbands and fathers. It’s a linear calculation all women make.

Sometimes it’s an age-relevant coupling, other times it’s a generational divide.

In either case, it’s the same drill.

I get that Ronnie Wood is not the best looking man in the world, but I have never known women over the age of 21 to fall in love exclusively with their eyes.

While his fame and fortune are powerful motivators, she still has to sleep with him, which I’m sure is a bargain for both of them, everything considered.

 

Sugar Daddy Dating Goes “Normal”

268A983D00000578-2990407-Perks_Denise_a_30_year_old_patient_care_manager_from_San_Rafael_-a-8_1426170064524

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2990407/We-NOT-prostitutes-Femail-goes-inside-sugar-daddy-dating-world-women-make-60k-year-relationships-rich-older-men.html

All I have to say about this is kudos to the young women who’ve learn to leverage assets in a tough economy that is largely bereft of a middle class. As a young woman in the article said, “‘You can marry a man who provides the basics for you, while you devote your life to him, wreck your body giving him children, and he’ll still cheat on you.’

Amen.

In the End, It Still Gets Down to “DAT ASS.”

266D4CD300000578-2984666-The_butt_inspiring_The_Body_Elle_Macpherson_shared_an_image_of_1-a-4_1425778703486

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2984666/Elle-Macpherson-shares-shot-young-Sydney-model-s-backside-social-media-dubbing-pert-derriere-weekend-inspiration.html

Elle McPherson is hardly an idiot when it comes to what motivates men and women. And while this is not her butt, the use of it just knocked the planet slightly off axis.

You can read the article for the details.

My point here is to help celebrate International Women’s Day.

 

On Dating Men in Their 60’s [or older men, in general]

549b4f06a8262_-_elle-60-year-old-men-dating-v

http://www.elle.com/life-love/sex-relationships/advice/a9/dating-men-in-their-sixties/

In my particular socioeconomic niche, inter-generational dating is considered normal. A lot of this, as expected, has to do with financial security. But it also involves other things tangential to getting older, which I will cover.

In my mind, the only reason not to be open to dating older men is child-bearing, which is often a non-issue as many women these days either forestall, or avoid it altogether. Needless to say, most 60-year-old men are going to be less inclined to put up with raising a family, unless it involves dogs and cats. They’d rather focus their attention on the young women in their lives, which is the point of this article.

My new soon-to-be-available book, Urban Dystrophy, covers a lot of this, but suffice to say, it just makes sense when you balance the commodities of youth and beauty with maturity and appreciation.

I’m in one of these relationships. My girlfriend is 30 years my junior, and we’ve been living together for 4 years. Do her friends wonder if she’s lost her mind? No. In fact, I’ve noticed that many are intrigued as our culture changes.

As for the math, it’s irrelevant. When I’m 70 and she’s 40, we will have been together 14 years. This would constitute a record by today’s standards.

If she stays healthy, she will outlive me. If she doesn’t, I may spend years at her bedside. The point is nobody knows. We all want to run the numbers, but they often don’t pan out.

This is why I don’t think about it. If I did I would be dating someone my own age who would probably kill me long before I was physically dead.

So here are my top 5 reasons for dating older men:

1] Maturity

2] Appreciation

3] Security

4] Desire to please [and pleasure]

5] Experience and/or worldliness

It also bears noting that my SO and share tastes in music, embrace technology and live a healthy lifestyle.

Relevance is not just measured in years.

 

Madonna and Her Battle for Relevance in the Middle Years

madonna-living-for-love-music-video

http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/6487469/madonna-compares-ageism-against-her-to-racism-and-homophobia

Madonna Louise Ciccone [aka Madonna] was born in Bay City, Michigan on August 16, 1958, which makes her 56 years of age. Her career started in 1979 and since that time she has amassed a fortune exceeding $800 million dollars doing exactly what she wanted to do with her life, which is pretty much everything a human being could possibly hope to do in one lifetime, or 100 for that matter.

The tailwind from her career would be enough to propel most clinical narcissists into old age without the help of a therapist, but not Madonna. No. She demands the world see her the way that it did 30 years ago, in spite if the fact that it is 30 years later.

In light of this, it’s no surprise that she levels charges of “ageism” as if that’s going to somehow guilt-trip her fans into some sort of collective hallucination.

The poor woman just fell off the stage during a comeback performance, for god’s sake. That’s about as bad as it gets for a cultural icon that uses fame the way human beings use blood.

Youth is gone, Louise. I’m sorry. I feel it, too. So does everyone else our age. But we don’t do ourselves any favors trying to be something we’re not. If you want to believe the applause you receive from aging women and drag queens constitutes transcendence, I’m sorry.

I remember seeing Madonna at NYC nightclubs back in the late 70’s. She was unknown, striking, wildly creative, and always blitzing for attention. She leveraged the currency of youth to achieve her objectives when she had it in spades. Some people are fortunate that way. Personal conviction is something most of us have to earn over time.

Nonetheless, after many decades of Madonna being Madonna, her relevance is vanishing. And while in all likelihood she can still fill arenas, the reason has everything to do with nostalgia and nothing whatsoever to do with another successful reinvention.

If she wants to act, let her act. Meryl Streep still does it. If she wants to make a nightclub appearance here and there, maybe belt out an old jazz standard, go for it. Woody Allen has a regular gig at Café Carlyle in New York. It’s all good.

With these thoughts in mind, I regret to say that I can no longer rock my crimson Spandex in the gym, in spite of the fact that I haven’t aged a day since 1979.