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When Did Bad Service Go Airborne?

t1larg.bad.serviceEvery heard the term “Coffee shop attitude?”

If not, I’m sure you know all about bad service, whether it’s a stoner serving coffee, or say, a plumber with a house note and problems with his wife that you need to hear all about.

These days, if I want great service I have to pay the highest price imaginable for it.

If I’m traveling, I have to choose – for example – Ritz Carlton, a company that trains its employees in the fine art of great customer service.

Of course, I’m looking at $500.00/night on up for said service, but it’s well worth it given the alternative.

If I want a great overall dining experience with air-conditioning and hand towels, I have to pick the most expensive place in a given city or I put up with cultural flu.

How exactly does this ‘attitude’ play out?

Simple:

WAITER

“You [the customer] make me feel like giving a shit. If you’re successful I’ll pass you a plate without dropping it in your lap.”

In the case of a plumber [and I use ‘plumbing’ randomly], you have to offer restroom facilities, cold drinks and sometimes gas money to Home Depot when they don’t have the part they need on their trucks.

When did this all this crap start? The entitlement?

I remember when plumbers, waiter, electricians, gardeners – suppliers of every kind – were appreciative and polite to their customers.

It’s how they got what was once known as repeat business.

As kids we were taught that the nicer you were to your customers, the more money you made.

It seemed pretty simple at the time.

But today, people resent serving anyone who doesn’t kiss their butts – as if we [the people paying for their services] owe them special treatment for assisting us in exchange for our money.

Obviously, people are feeling more and more invisible in a world where respect is a birthright, not something earned.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’m older, more successful, and, generally speaking, more experienced that I expect more.

But in the end it doesn’t matter what the rationale is.

What does matter is where they’ll be in ten years when cleaning dishes is no longer cool.

Note: This discussion is slightly off topic, but I couldn’t help myself after some moron at an organic hamburger joint was too stoned to understand the meaning of “I’d like a hamburger with lettuce wrap and sweet potato fries” all in the same sentence.

By the way, I want to smack that douche in the photograph above, and I know you do, too.

We’re Traveling Through Another Dimension, a Dimension Not Only of Sight and Sound But of Mind: Meet “Caitlyn”

CGbVow8W8AAp0cs.jpg_large

Bruce Jenner [65] as “Caitlyn”

http://www.tmz.com/2015/06/01/bruce-jenner-photo-caitlyn-woman-vanity-fair/

First of all, I don’t care what Bruce Jenner, or, for that matter, anyone else does with their body.

Some people like tattoos, others pierce their genitals.

There are women [and men] who spend the lion’s share of their time in the company of plastic surgeons. Some say it improves their chances of scoring an acting job on Law and Order.

Others undergo procedures they think will attract the attention of rich, powerful men with penchants for younger women, in spite of the fact that most of them are in their middle 40’s.

Enter Bruce Jenner, a one-time Olympic gold medalist, and now a regular on the reality television series, Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

I remember him back in their 80’s as the Wheaties guy.

He was all about being a fit, healthy man. All man.

But as we all come to know, what we see in life is rarely what’s behind the veil.

There are no simple set of right angels, balanced and aligned.

Jenner claimed he was never comfortable with who he was, that he never felt comfortable in the body of a man.

So like everyone else I know, he did something about it – mostly because he could afford to do something about it – and then decided to make it a crusade for the transgendered community.

Win-win.

He’s both woman and celebrated advocate.

It kind of reminds me of Madonna, a woman in the throes of a very public crash-and-burn tied directly to her delusions of pop relevance.

They’re both shell’s of their former selves, but at this stage of the game, neither one of them are going out without a fight.

Whether it’s heavily Photoshopped press images, or scripted interviews, “relevance” will not be denied.

This does make for a compelling study in abnormal human psychology. It’s a textbook example of just how far a person is willing to go to satisfy self.

I certainly don’t criticize Jenner for tackling a debilitating psychiatric dilemma.

But I do question his decision as a parent to drag his daughters through what should have been a private family matter, accolades from the transgendered community notwithstanding.

Then again, one could also argue that The Kardashians made their fortune on public disclosure, and Jenner’s transformation is just another angle in a never-ending story.

For me, the last thing in the world I would want to do is become a woman at age 65.

Hell, most women I know begin to feel invisible by age 40.

Skinny, Lanky and Long: The Go-To Look in Certain Circles

1058-bless-ed-are-the-meek-Skeletal-Dress-for-Women-1

The Country Club aesthetic.

c6ed8335ac90b87095ce8acc81f0d23d

The athletic aesthetic.

~ ~ ~

I don’t know exactly where women got off track [or men became so fetishistic about anorexia], but the go-to aesthetic for successful older men appears to be very thin physiques.

I have several theories, which I know you just can’t wait to hear. [ahem…]

1] Many successful, older men were once wormy little bean counters nobody paid much attention to until they sold their shares of stock in the company they gave 20 years of their lives building, and then retired, divorced…and reinvented themselves as superheroes.

Such men prefer women who don’t remind them of what they once were, particularly now that they’re rich, entitled, and bigger than life.

Mindful of this, smaller women are less threatening, which feeds the man’s delusions of grandeur.

2] Successful older men who once played pro football and now own car dealerships tend to like physically small women because they crave control, and like knowing that the woman is submissive and willing to maintain the physique of a 12-year-old boy in exchange for lifestyle.

3] Couture fashion designs look better on small-framed women, which is a slam-dunk for galas, benefits and cocktail affairs of the rich and powerful where men parade their women like goats in Prada.

4] There is a notion floating around the collective unconscious of this socioeconomic niche that thin women are more cultured, educated, and generally speaking, intelligent.

This conveys to others in his world that she is in his arms by divine provenance.

In other words, if he didn’t himself possess the same qualities, she wouldn’t be with him.

5] Sex, Sex, Sex: Smaller woman make men look and feel bigger, which is a massive turn-on for men with control issues [most of them].  

And while there exists in smaller numbers a closeted fetish for fuller-figured women with big asses, but most of them keep such fantasies in the closet alongside everything else they keep in there.

As for the men who truly crave nothing but very thin frames, they like knowing they can throw them around like rag dolls.

6] Reflecting the psychopathology of this aesthetic, women tell their personal trainers they want “tone, not muscle,” which only makes sense if you’re in this culture zone.

What they mean by this is they want a long, lean, low-fat figure that sells well in country clubs, and has store clerks tripping all over themselves at places like Chanel.

Men in possession of such women want a comprehensive “package” that never changes for the rest of their mortal lives, that’s all.

~ ~ ~

NOTES

The woman in the second photograph is fit and muscular.

Unfortunately, her legs are too big for many high-end fashion designs, which means she can’t wear them; a clear breach of protocol.

Personally, the woman in the below photograph would be a slam-dunk for me, but I happen to like athletic women in Lycra because she could hold her own with me in a street fight against several assailants.

My perspective is obviously warped.

How Does a 27-Year-Age-Difference Constitute a News Item???

arnold-schwarzenegger-image-1Help me out here.

What’s the real story in this article?

Is it that Arnold Schwarzenegger has had an “up and down personal life” [like most people], or that he is now dating a woman 27 years his junior?

If the later is the case, I fail to see the significance of the story?

Here’s the article:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3104165/Arnold-Schwarzenegger-67-dines-younger-girlfriend-Heather-40-enjoy-night-Rio.html

Needless to say, the ageism narrative is running at full throttle.

I don’t see Daily Mail – or anyone else for that matter – commenting on, say, inter-racial relationships, or inter-faith relationships, or gay marriages, or even 6th marriages in this way.

But it’s still fair game to go after older men who date, and often marry, significantly younger women.

Why is this?

What is so distasteful – or disingenuous, perhaps – about inter-generational mating?

Look at the world: Spiraling out of control divorce rate, unprecedented college drop out rate among men, women delaying marriage, everyone running for financial shelter.

I dunno, dating up kinda sells itself.

Subconsciously, I think people see this pattern as a clear signal that the end of days is near.

Older men hoard young women who don’t procreate with men their own age, leaving civilization with a childless matriarchy bereft of new tax payers.

It’s all dollars and cents.

Maybe that should be the story.

Age Stereotypes? Think Again.

78-year-old-longboarder-lloyd-kahn__605

78-year-old skateboarder, Lloyd Kahn [above].

When I was back in my 40’s, I remember a 54-year-old guy telling me that, in no uncertain terms, life as he once knew it was “gone.”

He was referring to his once athletic frame, now reduced to a 3rd-term pregnant midsection and shoulder slope that reminded me of someone in the advanced stages of spinal stenosis.

Ten years later I happened to run into this once over-the-hill man and barely recognized him.

At age 64, the guy had literally transformed himself into an exemplary specimen of health.

He revealed to me that he’d hit rock bottom in his personal life, and that as a retired professional, he was bored and depressed.

“Debilitating depression” is the way he phrased it.

Retired too early. Kids gone. Marriage hum-drum. Life a downhill slide.

Imagine decades of this.

No wonder he checked himself into a clinic that specializes in helping men rediscover themselves, and the fire that used to burn white hot.

It obviously worked. And while his marriage didn’t survive the ordeal, he did.

Aging is a state of mind that starts innocently enough – a little reality check here and there – but it rapidly escalates into a malignant mindset that kills the spirit that once stole smiles, and filled hearts with love, joy…and hope.

WHY WOULD ANYONE WILLINGLY LET THIS GO?

No one should ever allow anyone convince you that you’re too old to do this or that, be this or that. 

If you can pull it off, you just raised the bar another notch.

Now they can kiss your ass.

It doesn’t matter that you don’t have the pitching arm you had back in the day.

Buy a skateboard.  

Nobody lays claim to what older men can and cannot do, physical disabilities [i.e., old injuries] notwithstanding.

But there are always workarounds.

Physicians are always warning older men to be careful in the gym; to act “responsibly, in deference to their age.”

But those same physicians are at death’s door decades before their time.

Check the source.

For the moment, I’ll leave you with this inspiring article.

I have to go to the gym.

http://www.boredpanda.com/senior-citizen-ageing-stereotypes-age-of-happiness-vladimir-yakovlev/

Have a kick-ass day.

Grumpy Old Man Syndrome, Deconstructed

mylawnlarge2

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carol-e-wyer/men-and-grumpiness_b_5266944.html

Grumpy Old Man Syndrome is not listed in the DSM-V [Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders], but it should be given its level of predictability.

As cited in the Huffington Post article [above], the disorder appears to present in men once they hit the age of 70, and then rapidly escalates until they die – or are poisoned by their wives, I assume.

The article states that “A 70-year-old man is a shadow of his former self – both physically and mentally. He then becomes invisible to those younger than him. He lacks a sense of purpose. He loses his firmness and assertiveness, and shrinks in stature and personality.”

Yea, no shit.

Needless to say, I’m writing about this because we Baby Boomers are next in line.

Just to clear the air of any misconceptions, though, I hereby state unequivocally that “I, Jay Rusovich, will not go down the road of indignity.” 

Too bad the same is isn’t true of most guys my age.

In some cases I get that their deterioration is tied to debilitating financial problems.

…i.e., “How the hell do I get back what I lost in 2008?”

But for everyone else, it’s resignation tied to depression.

Their “bad backs” are no excuse for transforming otherwise ambitious and confident men into creeping unics.

I hear about all their aches and pains as the pity party rages, but I know that deep down they realize it  only hastens the downhill tumble.

Everything at this stage of the game is in the throes of attrition.

Everything needs to be propped up. 

And the moment you take your eyes off the ball, rest assured it’s already down the rabbit hole.

No, you can no longer bounce out of bed like a Cirque performer and then dive into the world on a cup of coffee and a dream.

But you can stretch, have a healthy breakfast, brush your teeth, take a shower, comb whatever hair you have, and walk out of the house knowing that at some point during the course of the day you will hit the gym hard.

After all this time, the gym is the one place I can’t avoid if I want to keep my own life propped up, finances notwithstanding.

And no, it’ not a cakewalk.

No wonder there are legions of walking wounded waiting to die at the hands of lions.

Of course younger people dismiss them outright, stealing fuel from their already dying souls.

I’d rather die myself than live in their condition.

SUMMARY

Irrelevance is the aging man’s crucible.

Using the metaphor for what it is, if you don’t carry the cross to the very end, you’ll die at the foot of the mountain with the rest of the herd.

No one will ever beat me down without a fight. I will go to the wall for myself because there is no one else to lean on at the beginning and end of every day.

The moment I can stand tall I will stand down, at which point you should know that I like long-stem white roses…

New Amazon Review of Urban Dystrophy, Unexpurgated

fake-amazon-reviews

As every writer knows, the reviewing process can be a grueling exercise in humility. Some people like what you have to say, others not so much. A lot of it depends on a person’s mood that day, or projection stemming from conflict, or just plain jealousy that you published a book and they didn’t. I know. it’s pathetic. But it happens all the time.

With this as a backdrop, I thought that i would share a recent review that meant a lot to me. The reader obviously understood the message and offered a thoughtful response, which is always appreciated.

Here it is in its entirety:

“Who wrote this book? Is he kidding? Is he serious? Is he the angriest man in the urban mid-life dating world? Or is he part of a silent majority, the rest of whom lack either the courage or literary skill (or both) to expose the innermost secrets of many middle-aged men in the world of high income big city dating?

Treat it as parody, or treat it as reality, or some of both – either way, it is a great read!

A book for men who want to confirm what they already suspect or know.

A book for women who want to understand what many men are thinking – either the men they want to avoid, the men they want to attract, or the men they are already seeing.

Meet the new, urban, single, wealthy, successful middle-aged man. He’s post-angry. He’s entitled. He’s demanding. And that is only half the story. Meet the new urban single middle-aged woman. She’s unrealistic. Utterly oblivious. Living in a dream world of self-created fantasy.

Meet Urban Dystrophy.

Where men are middle-aged at 56.

But women are middle-aged at 36.

In the world of the big city, middle aged dating is a battlefield filled with dysfunction, borderline personality disorder, hidden agenda, and narcissism. For people who find themselves single in mid life (bad), or who never married (worse), finding a mate who isn’t carrying more baggage than a UPS truck or who is who they say they are or who considers honest self representation a virtue is more unlikely than winning a multi-state lottery.

Middle age may be the new 30, but dating in middle age is the new torture. Built on mass media created thrones of high expectation, the middle aged mans dating experience is all about his desire to have the kinds of girls that he either did have or couldn’t have when he was 25. But now that he is affluent and 50, he deserves – is entitled to – those girls. Why would they want a 25-year-old guy, when he has everything to offer them? After all, we KNOW that women fall in love with their ears, not their eyes, don’t we?

For many women, this will be a primer on the kind of man to avoid. Unfortunately, the book points out that most of the men they believe they want fall right into this category.

For many men in the middle-aged dating scene, this will be a full-on reinforcement and vindication of their dating experiences and choices.

Anthropological intrigue.

In the land of Urban Dystrophy, young women in their late 20’s who are offended when men in their mid-fifties or older hit on them are offended not because they think the man is pathetic, but because the man is insulting them – how DARE he think they cannot attract an uber successful man in his early 30’s? The middle-aged man becomes the ultimate insult. For the middle-aged man who is rejected by the woman in her late 20’s or early 30’s, she’s just an idiot. No offense taken. He’ll find another.

Who is going to wait on the sidelines until she either dates down, waaaay down, the economic ladder (as men have done forever), or dates up, waaaay up, the age range (as men have done forever – after all, the 69 year old man happy to be dating her will be dating waaaay down the age range – middle aged women.

You may think that this is written from the perspective of a person who has money and financial success at the core of his soul. And maybe you think that if you have, for example, God there instead, you will have a different outcome. And you will. You won’t live in the middle of the big city, divorced or never married, hanging out in health clubs or wine bars or charity events to find love. You will be in church. That said, in the world of Urban Dystrophy, they are both a kind of self-delusion. The delusion being, that we are worthy just as we are. Self-love is delusional love, without God, or Money, or Beauty. Because, in the big city, all the self love in the world won’t get you laid – not without the other stuff, anyway.” M.F., Las Vegas, NV.

While Men Fight Their Way Up the Corporate Ladder, Many Women in Houston Fight Their Way Up the Social Ladder [usually fist-to-cuff]

NEW YORK, NY - MAY 14: Comes With Baggage Founder Lori Levine shows off her one-of-a-kind orange HermËs Birkin at the Comes With Baggage Fashion Editor Preview on May 14, 2013 in New York City. (Photo by Cindy Ord/Getty Images for Comes With Baggage)

HermËs Birkin bag

http://nypost.com/2015/05/24/inside-the-bizarre-life-of-an-upper-east-side-housewife/

Wednesday Martin, author of Primates of Park Avenue, she found herself, she says, “going native.” She wanted to belong among the Upper East Side mommies who hired stylists and makeup artists for school drop-off and pickup, who got preventive Botox every three months, who perfected the flawless facade.

~ ~ ~

In many ways, this is the female version of my new book, Urban Dystrophy, now available on #Amazon.

Again, money is the buy-in, followed by a tightly-scripted narrative to which all aspirants must adhere – to the letter.

Think of it as high school all over again, but without the food fights.

Men know all about this.

In exchange for a residence at “900 Park Avenue,” women stand at the Devil’s Crossroads and relinquish their souls for a table at the right restaurant where people eat each other.

The ones who survive have the most checks on the list of must-haves.

Age comes to mind.

To wit, the author  refuses to reveal her age.

All we know is “I’m in my 40’s.” 

The reason for this is academic:

Not only are women expected to perform well under the scrutiny of white hot halogen, but because youth and beauty are expected to be indelible commodities, the farther away one drifts, the more perilous the journey.

No wonder Botox runs like rivers on the Upper East Side.

Mothers then pass these values on to their children, who attend the right schools, go on the right play dates, have the right tutors, and generally, explore all that “intensive mothering” can – and damn well better – provide.

People say celebrities are so different from everyone else, but when it gets down to it, money is what splits the herd.

Exclusive Health Clubs and the Darwinian Ecosystem

gold_digger

Darwin should have spent more time studying human behavior. It would have made the animal kingdom appear more evolved.

~ ~ ~

Now, what I’m about to say is done so out of the kindness of my heart, notwithstanding the fact that human nature is suspect under most circumstances.

Some of us have enough soul to communicate without ulterior motive, unless you consider lambasting a motive.

Let’s just say that people “acquire” what they can as long as they can get away with it.

“I’m an 18-year-old college coed with a beautiful face and flawless physique. I know that my popularity is tied to these features. And while I may struggle with the fact that physical beauty opens doors before anyone knows my first name, I tend to get over it. For a while, anyway. As I enter my mid-20’s, I notice changes, feel the pressure of expectations that force my hand to make decisions that challenge my ability to simply exist. Now I must do. But I’m addicted to the attention without having to lift a finger, and people now expect me to do something more than present well. Oh shit. Okay, let’s see. I have a degree in Business Administration, so I guess I better start sending out job applications. Seriously? I’m sending out job applications? For what? So I can prove to the world that there is more to me than a pretty face and a perfect ass? Well guess what? It’s changing!  I’m changing. My face is not as young as it was as a teenager, and now I have to workout all the friggin’ time to maintain my object status, which I don’t want to forsake for 60 hour workweeks. Oh dear god, what’s happening to me? I need to get married before I miss this opportunity! But I can’t just do that because then I’m just like every other pretty girl who did nothing with her life, but become someone’s wife and a mother to our children. Of course, the neighborhoods and vacations are nice. But I’m not ready to throw in the towel just yet. So I work and date and go to the gym to try to keep it all propped up until I start experiencing radical weight loss, depression and social withdrawal. So I go to therapy, where I discover that women are, in fact, objects, and that I have this one life, this one shot at making it before the flame is gone forever. So I capitulate, marrying a wealthy guy who knows my family. We buy a beautiful hone in a beautiful neighborhood and have two beautiful children. Now I’m 35, divorced with two kids and back on the dating market. I should have stuck with the 60 hour work week…”

More “enlightened” young women at my health club [i.e., less conflicted] embrace their object status and exploit it without mercy. 

They come to the gym fully loaded, ready for adventure and excitement under the pretense of training.

Oh, the train. They absolutely train, primarily their butt muscles, which carry enough firepower to land a nest-egg the size of a Volkswagen. 

They all know the score. All of us do, both men and women.

It’s why no one falls on the floor when they stretch and grind, particularly women who [on some level] respect their tenacity and focus.

One day, those same women will invite them into their lavish homes, and perhaps, introduce them to men far wealthier than their current husbands.

But as we all know, this is normal, well-adjusted behavior in a world where everything is for sale to the highest bidder.

Young men play a similar game. While they are often heard complaining about all the older men hoarding women their age, they certainly understand the power of money, which cuts through everything like a hot butter knife.

“I’m a 25-year-old guy with a great body and wealthy dad. One day I will inherit his business and the world will be mine. Actually, it already is mine, given the number of women I run through on a weekly basis. I know they appreciate good looks, and it’s always nice to find someone their own age. But what they really want is money. They call it security, but I know what they mean. They don’t want no matter what they tell me because sacrificing looks for business opportunity just isn’t worth jeopardizing the nice house and the country club membership. As for me, I’m just along for the ride. I date them and then forget their names. Marriage, or whatever, isn’t in the cards for me until I’m at least 40, at which point I’ll find the hottest 22-year-old on the planet.”  

In both instances, young men and women of this world – of my world – are pragmatic on every level. They know how life works and they leverage everything they have to achieve success as they see it.

This is not as much about love as is about survival of the fittest.

Then they can afford to love all they want.

Midlife Miasma: When Older Men Play the Comparison Game

 

business-man

No matter how much money you have, somebody else has more…not to mention better looks, prettier [and younger] wives, bigger houses, more cars.

It never ends.

You can’t win.

One guy in Aspen, Colorado lamented the fact that his net worth of 200 million paled in comparison to all the billionaires around him.

A new definition of pathetic emerges.

It also bears noting that some of the world’s most famous “serial killers” were wealthy enough to buy Rome.

I assume that guy in Aspen knows them all by their first names.

While life is rich and full when there is a sense of accomplishment, it is a lot fuller when you add friends and loved ones who truly care about you.

The more you get wrapped up in achievement-as-drug, you farther you drift from everything else.

POSTSCRIPT

The REALLY dark side of the comparison game is evidenced in older men of low achievement who play the “beat down” game.

They criticize doers [including their “friends”], finding whatever morsel of perceived vulnerability they can, and then magnifying it a thousand times in blitzkriegs on social media.

I’ve seen this more times than I can count, which is why many experts in the field of human psychology refuse to do “bonding” workshops with older men.

Their fierce competitiveness with one another, coupled with a total inability to explore any degree of vulnerability, makes it an exercise in utter futility.

No wonder women outlive us.

I’ll leave you with this: