When Will Fashion Designers Roll Out Syringe Cases for Affluent Testosterone Junkies?

 

 

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syringe-luer-lok-3cc-23g-x-1-547237-BIG_0At this writing, designer syringe cases for testosterone users do not exist.

Yea, I’m shocked too given the availability and use of the drug among affluent older men, particularly the ones who don’t need it, but still can’t live without it.

Nonetheless, Baby Boomers like myself have become targets of a nationwide advertising campaign to dope us into submission.

In a way, it’s like the old Wheaties ads, but more expensive.

Get up in the morning, eat a healthy breakfast, shoot up, get on with your day! It all sounds so innocent, almost healthy.

No wonder I am literally surrounded by men my age who “supplement,” as it’s commonly referred.

Most of them use synthetic testosterone in conjunction with Human Growth hormone [HGH], while others “stack” other variants to the mix in order to maximize performance and build lean mass.

This is considered normal by many, and counting.

The objective is to bring testosterone and HGH mainstream so that no one will think twice about grabbing prescriptions every time they buy toothpaste.

It must be working because I’d hard-pressed to point out more than a handful of a single older men who workout like I do who DON’T SUPPLEMENT.

They know the risks, they can read.

“Swollen and painful breasts, blood clots in the legs, increased risk for prostate cancer, problems breathing during sleep (sleep apnea), change in the size and shape of the testicles, and a low sperm count.”

But their physicians, the antagonists in this drama, downplay the side-effects in order to keep prescriptions filled.

“Oh, just come in for a blood test every three months to check your liver and PSA levels and you’ll be fine. Who doesn’t want more energy, a better sex drive, and more lean mass?”

So a year later THEY stroke out and the doctor attributes it to over-training.

All testosterone products contain a warning label about the potential for blood clots, but nobody pays any more attention to it than they do warning labels on Bayer aspirin.

So now your doctor is off the hook and your legal war is with the drug cartels and insurance giants who can buy and sell you thousands of times, bleeding you so white with attorney’s fees you throw your hands up and surrender.

The only people who can win this war are the ones keeping it going: Users.

Stop using and they go away.

Otherwise, expect the process of demand and supply to run on all cylinders.

According to an article published in Scientific American, nearly 3 percent of American men aged 40 and older are thought to have received testosterone scripts in 2011 — three times the percentage in 2001. (If confirmed, the 2011 ratio could mean that perhaps two million older men in the U.S. have been given prescriptions for testosterone.)

In 2014, the numbers are probably twice that.

Here’s the article:

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/increasing-testosterone-use-raises-safety-concerns/

As an older man who is literally inundated with chatter about “Low T,” I can attest to its allure.

More energy on less sleep, and a body from hell at age 60.

I dunno, it kinda sells itself.

One reader responded to this article with a familiar refrain:

“The problem is that the criteria doesn’t know what my testosterone levels should be for my age. The average testosterone levels are established for men between the ages of 18 and 80. I am not 18 nor 80 but one specific age. But the data show nothing about these numbers.”

As everyone in this game knows, the key to deciding whether or not to start a testosterone regimen comes down to the numbers.

In other words, what should my numbers be for someone my age?

This, my friends, is at the very crux of the controversy.

If the prescribing physician raises the baseline for what we’re told the Tes levels of a 60-year-old man should be, then we damn well need more testosterone. 

This well written Atlantic Magazine article below covers this controversy in more detail:

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/04/should-the-modern-man-be-taking-testosterone/274663/

SUMMARY

I’m not a member of the testosterone club.

I have to sleep 8 hours a night, cycle my workouts for maximum recovery, spend no more than 1 hour a day at the gym [rather than 6], and eat pretty much perfectly – no trash foods ever.

This is the price I pay for being my age.

My testosterone levels are well within the normal range, not the range of a 19-year-old.

I have to make peace with that.

I can only do what my body allows at this age and under optimum lifestyle choices.

The rest is up to nature.

If I choose to visit one of the well-known physicians here in Houston who write millions in testosterone and HGH prescriptions every year, I am sure to walk out with a full bag of goodies to remedy my “flagging health.”

Note: I currently hold the Texas State record for the RAW deadlift, within my weight and age division, through he USAPL, which strictly forbids the use of steroids.

POSTSCRIPT

There are a few men who have what is referred to as hypogonadism where the body doesn’t produce enough testosterone.

The condition is rare, but it does occur, and in such case testosterone supplementation becomes necessary in order for a man to live a full, healthy life.

I also know bodybuilders who simply cannot achieve the mass necessary to win contests without dramatically increasing testosterone levels.

It’s just part of that sport, but also a source of unbelievable acrimony from users in denial about the risks.

If you don’t believe me, go on any bodybuilding site and mention health risks associated with testosterone supplementation and you’ll end up closing your account until the vitriol calms down.

In the end, no junkie in his right mind wants to be told that crack cocaine is bad for his health anymore than an exercise addict wants to hear about the downsides of anorexia.

Just Released! Urban Dystrophy: Now Formatted Across All Platforms!

urbandystrophyrelease

Now available on Amazon!

Ballsy, hardcore and bad ass real as it gets.

Print version to follow.

Knock yourselves out, and please review it should you feel so inclined!

http://www.amazon.com/Urban-Dystrophy-Perverse-Truths-Mid-Life-ebook/dp/B00VH3NKGA/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1431790172&sr=1-1&keywords=urban+dystrophy

Self Confidence is Key to Aging Gracefully for Older Men

 

australian actors, (8)

“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

If you’re a Baby Boomer, you know all about the ebb and flow of self-confidence.

You may consider yourself “extremely” confident on matters of financial achievement, but on a more personal note, find yourself less than enthused.

It’s all about how it balances out in the end, and believe me, we’re all running the numbers.

So what do men fear most about aging?

1] It’s been my personal experience that most of us fear being old and broke. Not Old. But old and broke. There’s a difference.

My advice to all young guys is to choose your careers wisely, because there will come a day when windfall will become necessary in order to live out your years in comfort, rather than under a bridge.

2] Irrelevance. Yea, irrelevance. And no, not everyone is relevant in their own minds, families notwithstanding.

Men are used to being useful, and when they are no longer working, they die one way or the other.

3] Balding, followed by greying. I know I know. It’s superficial, and besides lots of men shave their heads.

But balding remains on the very top of men’s concerns next to colon cancer.

There are many less than stellar work arounds for this problem, but no matter what you do, the emotional damage is indelible and life-changing.

Some men are blessed with perfect hair. They are the very, very fortunate few…like movie stars who made it to the top without the right last names.

Adding insult to injury, men with perfect hair don’t have to be the most handsome, or in possession of flawless physiques.

This is because the preternatural nature of their everlasting hairlines more than balances the scales.

There is no upside to hair loss unless you have a perfectly shaped “boxy-muscular” head like Jason Statham, which arguably enhances his appearance.

So there is an upside for Jason Statham.

4] The ubiquitous Potbelly, in my view, is far worse than any hairline recession, because a man can actually do something about it without a surgeon or wig manufacturer.

If you can afford to just not give a crap what people think, and live your life in the back woods of Tennessee, fine.

If not, you’ll be the punchline of every joke about aging men.

5] Impotence. When your penis ceases to perform, no amount of money [or hair] in the world will make you feel like a man.

Fortunately for older men, there are ED meds.

Lots of them.

6] Death. Men don’t necessarily fear what happens to them after they die as much as they do what happens to those they leave behind.

This is an irrational thought process, but I actually know men who wonder whether or not their wives are going to start sleeping with the neighbor the second the funeral ends.

Summary

We’re all screwed eventually.

The best we can do is plan ahead financially, work until the day we die, go to therapy to overcome issues with balding [since nobody cares if #1 is in proper order], workout like we did in college, take ED meds when necessary, and come to terms with the fact

that life goes on after we die.

Now you have something to live for.

Middle-Age Strikes Back

duhboys

[from left] Bill, Tim 36 [trainer], John and Yours Truly.

I’m not going to tell you life in the middle to later years is a cakewalk.

It isn’t.

Making matters even worse is that fact that men tend to walk the road alone, which is why most of need back-up.

This is what back-up looks like.

In this context, there is also something to be said for co-dependence.

What Kids Need to Know About Money: Reality Television, Notwithstanding.

abe-money

Misleading advice about money is everywhere, but the most egregious is this:

“Do what you love and the money will come.”

Seriously?

In the real world it reads more like this:

“Do what you love, but make damn sure that it can provide the kind of lifestyle you envision for yourself 30 years down the road.”

Unless you have a verifiable, iron-clad trust fund that cannot be changed or manipulated in someone else’s favor [including another family member], or hail from a celebrity family with a predilection towards generosity, or have a certain talent no one else on the planet has, you’re screwed.

I grew up around kids who bragged about their parents’ multimillion dollar businesses, only to find themselves – at middle age – in a corner office at the same firm on a salary that could never make the down payment on that house on the hill with the big swimming pool.

See, most businesses aren’t worth dirt to their owners until they’re sold.

There are exceptions, but not many.

The sole purpose of starting – and growing – a business is to one day sell it, not love it through sickness and health.

I say this because of all the things in the world you need count on, death withstanding, it’s money.

You can’t live on love or fame or happiness.

Something has to underwrite all of them. Think of it as blood supply provided by the almighty dollar.

Sorry to dust up your fantasies.

Imagine yourself a middle-aged man with no money in the bank and you’re better off with a bullet in your head.

In fact, everyone is better of with a bullet in your head.

Sage advice:

Money first, everything else second.

Then you can learn to play the piano, write a book, or grow your own vegetables and everyone will think you’re a genius.

You’re welcome.

Middle Aged Men and the Young Women in Their Lives

woodyallen1

http://www.salon.com/2015/03/26

Before I delve into this incendiary topic, let me clear something up right away: I’m a card-carrying member of the Baby Boom generation and guilty as charged of dating considerably younger women for the better part of my entire adult life.

I guess you could say this makes me a veteran of sorts, and therefore, the target of hostility from those who assume I exploit and hoard youth.

But here’s a little secret:

It’s the other way around.

See, unless a guy my age is trawling ads on Cragislist, they women in question are trawling for us in places like grocery stores.

We don’t command young women the way we used to. We are either exposed to them over a period of time wherein they do their assessment and decide whether or not to go in, or they target us like snipers and then conquer us through unimaginably guile.

So we’re the victims if truth be told.

All we have is experience, more money – and a lot more appreciation – which appears to be straw that broke the camel’s back where dating young men is concerned.

But I gotta tell ya, it’s not a cakewalk, either. Young women are a lot like older women, just better looking.The downside is the raging hormones that more than balance the scales in many minds, lest you think its a panacea.

Notwithstanding, a lot of successful older guys I know just get tired of being reminded that their time is fraying at the edges, and what better way to obviate this unfortunate existential dilemma than to date women who remind them that tomorrow is not only worth living for…but that life may, in fact, be the dream we suspected back in the 70’s.

Either way, youth and beauty are like all-natural syringes of heroin, just more expensive in most cases.

If you can get past that, most would concede that you’ve reached the top of the mountain, and can now officially die with a smile on your face.

As for Woody Allen and everyone else with an appreciation of beauty – and the means to attract it [whatever that may be]  – women are officially adults at the age of 18.

And while I don’t know many men who would have an interest in a relationship with a woman that young, I don’t know a single solitary one of us who would fail to appreciate everything else about them.

Get real. Men are men no matter what you happen to think about our inability to complete a sentence in the face of beauty.

The “Middle-Aged Men in Lycra” [MAMIL] Phenomenon

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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2869069/Oh-shame-married-MAMIL-s-Middle-Aged-Man-Lycra.html

Daily Mail ran an article last year about the “middle-aged man in Lycra” phenomenon, and since that time the situation has gone viral.

Even the Chinese see the uptick in local Lycra sales.

From the perspective of an older man who went through the Lycra phrase back in the 90’s, I can tell you in no uncertain terms that it’s the middle-aged man’s last stand.

If it’s not the ’69 Chevy Camaro, it’s going to be the Lycra.

Get used to it, because one way or the other, they’re going in.

They want to be who they once were – or wanted to be – now that they can afford it without having to sell the kitchen sink on Ebay.

Of course their wives of 20 years are dumbfounded witnessing their once normal and well adjusted husbands in clothing and accessories usually reserved for circus acts or Dr. Who reruns.

But this is how middle-age often manifests in men, particularly in those of achievement and ambition.

Some of us buy boats, motorcycles and cars. Others buy women.

But the last damn thing we do is buy into mortality.

Some of us look ridiculous doing the things we do, while others pull the same things off with aplomb.

It all gets down to self-actualization.

If you don’t have it, you end up looking like the caricature in the photo above.

If you do, you end up looking more along the lines of this:

HalfIronmanBike

But “Scooby” [pictured above], is a fitness guru, not an accountant turned fitness fanatic in his 50’s.

There’s a difference.

Most older men who start late with the fitness lifestyle tend to morph from spin class [for cardiovascular health] into walking billboards for cycling manufacturers.

Most of them are late learners who see this as an opportunity to become the men they’ve always wanted to be – but couldn’t – due to 60 hour work weeks, family obligations and travel.

Nonetheless, older men still look ridiculous in this crap. Hell, everyone looks ridiculous in it.

But older men become the scapegoat for everything that doesn’t fade and die the way it’s “supposed” to.

Of course, most men who did what they were told never made it to the top, which is why you rarely hear their wives complaining about their nice neighborhoods.

POSTSCRIPT

For many men, cycling is a way to connect with others the way they did back in their college days.

Men are not particularly good at mid-life bonding, so it’s arguable that cycling serves a greater purpose.

Personally, I think that anything that gives men purpose gives the people in their lives hope.

POST-POSTSCRIPT

I thought this was funny, so I’ll share it with you.

There’s this guy around me age who spent his life as an accountant for a medium-sized oil and gas firm.

He was a mousy little man, quiet and unassuming.

Then one day he sold his shares in the company and retired with his then middle-aged wife.

Suddenly, the guy shows up last week in psychedelic Lycra biking tights; his arms ripped and muscular, his face sporting a certain indigence that suggested a new-found aggression.

Sadly, his wife who looked totally out of place hanging out with her “new” jacked and steroid-fueled husband, and together they walk towards the gym, the woman trailing behind.

I bring this up because some guys should just stay in the shadows.

As I’ve always said, if you can pull off whatever it is you’re trying to do/be, by all means go for it.

But you need to be self-aware enough to know the difference between pulling it off and making a complete fool of yourself – and your wife in the process.  

With this in mind, I’m sure said wife is the next to go.

The Rich Fantasy Lives of Urban Middle-Aged Men…and the Cognitive Skills to Survive Them.

winners-never-give-up

Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he’s quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there’s someplace that he’d rather be
He says, “Bill, I believe this is killing me.”
As the smile ran away from his face
“Well I’m sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place…” Piano Man, Billy Joel

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

1] Why am I not a rock star?

2] Why don’t I have my own syndicated radio talk show?

3] Why am I not taking Letterman’s place?

4] Why aren’t the phones ringing off the hook with glamorous acting jobs, TV appearance bookings, 7-figure book deals?

5] Why don’t I own a Gulfstream?

6] Where is my entourage?

7]\ Where am I?

8] Who am I?

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

If any of this sounds familiar, welcome to midlife, a precarious period in a man’s life, usually between the ages of 48 and 64, when everything you did in your life is now done and everything ahead is on thin ice.

While most of these items listed are exaggerations, the psychopathology behind them is everything but.

To combat this aberration of thought [self-persecution], I’d like to start an exercise I rely on to get me through the noise when it’s so loud I want to take up cliff diving.

First, I want you to put your hands on a Magic Marker. I prefer black ink because its more direct.

Then, get a large sketch pad which you can find at any Office Max.

Now, open the marker and draw a straight line down the center of the page.

On the left, write down the question you’re pondering; the one that triggers rage, anxiety and depression.

For our purposes here, let’s start with question #1:

#1] Why am I not a rock star?

For most of us, the right side of the column will look something like this:

a] Because I’m not a professional musician.

b] Because I chose to attend Business school in Rhode Island rather than sleep on the streets in Hollywood.

c] Because I’m risk-averse, in general.

Excellent. So now you’re answering your own questions and can now go back to enjoying your lunch.

#2] Why don’t I have my own syndicated radio talk show?

a] Because I’m not in the radio business.

b] Because I have never been in the radio business.

c] Because I had no interest in the radio business until “Rush Limbaugh” made me rethink that decision.

#3] Why am I not taking Letterman’s place?

a] Because Stephen Colbert just took it.

b] Because you’re not a stand-up comedian.

c] Because you’re not, nor have you ever been, in the television business, and therefore, neither you nor Mr. Colbert are in competition.

#4] Why aren’t the phones ringing off the hook with glamorous acting jobs, TV appearance bookings, 7-figure book deals?

a] Are you currently a professional actor? If not, scratch the first one. 

b] TV appearances usually involve people who either survived a jump out of a commercial airliner without a parachute, or those born into a celebrity families they can’t wait to tell the world about. 

c] As for “7-figure book deals” NOT involving celebrity gossip, you might ask yourself if you’ve ever written a book, much less taken a course in high school English. 

#5] Why don’t I own a Gulfstream?

a] Most celebrities cannot afford to own Gulfstream aircraft, so they buy timeshares in them.

b] The oil and gas company you’ve been working for has a fleet of 7 Gulfstreams. If you had become a Vice-President, you’d been flying on one yourself.

c] Most people who can afford to outright own their own jets were usually born into the money. The rest you can count on two hands.

#6] Where is my entourage?

a] You have a wife, three kids, two cats and a Labrador Retriever. Isn’t that enough?

b] Once you’re past a certain age the last thing you want is to be bothered by an entourage, much less anything – or anyone with their hand out. 

c] Entourages are for elite professional boxers who will probably blow through everything before they hit your age. Way before. I can name names you already know.

#7] Where am I?

a] By this, most middle-aged men are referring to where they are in the context of their lives and accomplishments. So start jotting down your accomplishments – without comparing them with people you don’t know, but can’t stop hearing about.

b] If you’re still healthy, reasonably happy, and financially secure at middle age, you’re a celebrity to anyone who is not. 

c] If you have a swimming pool in addition to everything else, you deserve a backhand from God.

And finally…

#8] Who am I?

a] I might suggest ancestry.com.

If this isn’t what you’re referring to, dial 911.