The “Ideal Female Physique” to Certain Men of a Certain Age

Not that I need to remind any of you in my demographic, but for “outsiders” interested in what older men find physically ideal in women, you can use the link below to run the numbers for yourselves.

Most women I’m around can recite them in their sleep.

http://www.stepfordwives.org/diary/tag/stepford-wives-body-size/

Needless to say, what you want is not necessarily what you get.

………………..

I was in the gym yesterday when one of the guys I train with commented on how many of the women around us had identical physiques.

I guess my narrative is beginning to rub off on some of these guys.

“OF COURSE THEY ALL LOOK [AND ACT] ALIKE! SO DO BLACK OPS! IT’S HOW THEY WIN WARS!”

………………

Speaking in generalities is always a dicey proposition, but generalizations do have their place, or no one would have the vaguest idea what I was talking about.

To wit, women of a certain demographic – or those aspiring to become members of it – know that a specific appearance is the key to “moving up.”

It’s not that other attributes are ignored. It’s that one opens the door while the other closes it behind them.

Let’s take my health club, for example.

All of the “well married” – or aspirants – look like they rolled out of the same factory.

Their overall physique is best described as “long and lean.”

Some have described it as that of 12-year-old boys in yoga pants and tans.

But why would any man want the women in his life to look like an adolescent boy?

Here are 5 of the most commonly cited reasons, though they tend to avoid using the adolescent boy metaphor:

1] High-end fashion apparel is designed around a long, lean look, so women who look this way always look great at cocktail parties and benefits.

2] Women on the “curvy” side give the impression that the men in their company are, for whatever reason, are unable to command a more exemplary model.

3] Women who are “long and lean” look more educated, cultured and intelligent, which reflects well on the man in their lives, even if neither is the actual case.

4] Men of this demographic prefer smaller women they can physically handle, and subconsciously, dominate.

5] Women who fit this profile avoid criticism from other women, which makes men who rely on flawless social reflections feel better about their choice in mates.

POSTSCRIPT

I was having lunch yesterday at my health-club when one of the staff approached my table to thank me for helping her with her diet. I simply suggested that she try a diet more in line with the Paleo guidelines, which avoid such items as bread.

But what struck me wasn’t that something I suggested was helping her accomplish her weight goals, but why she was trying to lose so much weight in the first place.

“Jay,” she said, “I know that my ticket out of this job is my body. If I can just get that lean look, I can come back here as a member.”

A few statistics worth noting from the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders:

1] Women are much more likely than men to develop an eating disorder. Only an estimated 5 to 15 percent of people with anorexia or bulimia are male.14

2] An estimated 0.5 to 3.7 percent of women suffer from anorexia nervosa in their lifetime.14 Research suggests that about 1 percent of female adolescents have anorexia.

3] An estimated 1.1 to 4.2 percent of women have bulimia nervosa in their lifetime.

4] An estimated 2 to 5 percent of Americans experience binge-eating disorder in a 6-month period.

5] About 50 percent of people who have had anorexia develop bulimia or bulimic patterns.

6] 20% of people suffering from anorexia will prematurely die from complications related to their eating disorder, including suicide and heart problems.

Needless to say, the costs of maintenance are usually ten times the value of homes in nicer neighborhoods, and I haven’t even mentioned jail time for women who suffer homicidal rage targeted at the husbands.

“What? Me Retire?” Mick Jagger, 72

720x405-AP100519032401

Mick Jagger discussed retirement, the Rolling Stones’ upcoming tour and the ‘Sticky Fingers’ box set in a new interview. Joel Ryan/AP

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/mick-jagger-im-not-thinking-about-retirement-20150407

Rock on, Mick.

Piers Morgan Assails Plastic Surgeons and the Battle for Immortality: A Brief Discussion on the Psychopathology of Aging

Dr Fredric Brandt, pictured here with fan Kelly Ripa

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3028734/PIERS-MORGAN-Tina-Fey-guilty-s-holding-merciless-mirror-utter-futility-plastic-surgery-industry.html

In this article [tirade], Piers Morgan trashes physician Fredric Brandt for what he claims to be exploitation of client vanity. You can read the article for yourself. Suffice to say, Morgan is no stranger to sensationalizing cultural hot buttons.

………………

The following link explores the world Dr. Brandt and the pursuit of physical perfection. I will follow up with a discussion of vanity among middle-aged men, and their insatiable pursuit of “relevance” as they see it.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3029107/PICTURE-EXCLUSIVE-Famed-plastic-surgeon-Dr-Fredric-Brandt-s-high-school-photos-reveal-handsome-student-suicide-doctor-object-ridicule-Tina-Fey-s-NetFlix-show.html

……………

Like everything else in life, you can eat too many cheeseburgers. Once in a while is fine. Every day and you’re a walking dead man.

Same is true of fitness.

After a certain age, if you workout 7 days a week, 3 hours a day you’re going to end up in the hospital.

Cut it back to 1 hour a day, 6 days a week – with good diet and lots of rest – and you can go on and on and on.

When it comes to the other “maintenance” most people refer to as plastic surgery, the same logic applies.

If your laugh lines look like ravines in photo ops, you can visit a dermatologist and a dermal filler erase them in 5 minutes.

But if you’re back every week for another procedure, I might suggest a psychiatrist.

As a middle-aged man the disastrous effects this quest for perfection has on people is impossible to miss.

Most of these people never saw a needle they didn’t like.

And it’s not like you’re going to be dissuaded by physicians who pursue this area of medicine for everything but altruism.

It’s big business, and they’re masters of monetizing insecurity.

Most physicians in this trade only see the credit card, not the self-esteem on life support.

So get a grip.

Having said this, when surgeries get to a point where even the physician refuses further procedures on ethical grounds, it’s usually a business decision tied to a patient’s sudden resemblance to fish.

Sex After 50: The Skinny on “Just Doing It”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/02/sex-after-50_n_3653328.html?

Waning sexual performance is one of aging’s cruelest jokes.

We travel through adolescence into young adulthood armed [or burdened with] with sexual impulses that would make any garden variety psychopath proud.

At this juncture in life we are the most physically resilient and sexually motivated. Our bodies are wired to conquer and populate, our minds to dream big and run on 4 hours of sleep.

Then we age and everything falls out of balance.

Centuries ago we would have been dead by now, or babbling old soothsayers people compensated with dry biscuits in exchange for sage advice on how to kill yourself before you ended up like them.

Enter the 21st century and the once deceased 50-60-year-old men are now running the planet, which would not be possible without radical advances in medical science.

Science is an older man’s best friend, because no matter how fastidious we are about physical maintenance, the ravages of time will exact that pound of flesh without help from the outside.

The things we are biologically wired to do are the same things we steadfastly refuse to do, so it’s now a battle between human beings and biological destiny.

For example, we are supposed to be less interested in sex as we age because we are less able to physically protect and care for our young.

But this is not 20,000 BC. These days, we have housekeepers.

This is one example of how we balance the attrition.

Another discussion point is that we are no longer “adventurous” sexually because we aren’t controlled by a tsunami of sex hormones. But most people I know consider this a blessing. After all, there’s a difference between a good sex life and a conviction for lewd exposure in a parking lot at age 55.

Then there’s less frequency, but sex is always less frequent when you’re in a long term relationship no matter what anyone tells you to the contrary. There is no way to maintain that level of eroticism if you also require a coherent conversation.

Some have even even further to suggest that sex does not even necessarily have to involve intercourse and orgasm, but in relationships I’ve known, there is no sex without both.

Of course, if you’re a sedentary age-relevant couple of 60, you’re probably fine with a handshake and glass of wine over history books.

Note: Many older people like history because it reminds them of how young they are relative to people like Julius Caesar.

But what happens if the man is 60 and the woman 40?

The answer is simple: Sex must involve intercourse and orgasm, which a combination of hormone replacement and erectile medications will mitigate in a heartbeat.

So science to the rescue for both men and women.

The lesson here is that things change as we age, but there are solutions that didn’t exist not long ago. In this sense, we are blessed to be able to live as we never have for as long as we have.

Our job is to maintain our physical health and take advantage of everything science has to offer.

Now you know one reason why [and how] affluent urban men represent the lion’s share of inter-generational relationships.

Dating at Middle Age – It’s Still a Man’s World

There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind. Patrick Rothfuss.

…………..

http://omgchronicles.vickilarson.com/2014/01/15/dating-at-middle-age-why-bother/

There are no shortages of women-run “advice” sites extolling the virtues of older women and the men who just can’t wait to date them.

Most, if not all, of this is wishful thinking – or a marketing ploy – designed to drum up web hits from an audience of older women who feel invisible in a world that values youth and beauty before other qualities.

These sites claim that older women are simply more selective than younger men and women, which is why it’s harder for them to find partners.

This is true.

If I were a 50 or 60-year-old woman expecting to find a fit, handsome and highly successful man my age to date and marry, I’d have to be out of my mind.

Most men who fit that description are looking at women in their 20’s, 30’s and maybe, early 40’s.

But like I said, the narrative is good for attracting female readers looking for a glimmer of hope in what appears to be an existential nightmare because it is an existential nightmare.

As I cover in my new book, Urban Dystrophy, the biggest problem women face is the delusion that such men have reached a stage in life where they look beyond the physical, which is about as ridiculous as it sounds no matter what you hear to the contrary.

Most of these men have already been married and are now statistics in the “gray divorce” pile up.

They said “I do” in their 20’s, went on to build a family and career, made a ton of money, and are now bored and entitled.

What they want this time around is NOT the older woman they divorced, but the one they married back when they got married.

They want to start all over again at 50 or 60 with someone reflective of their accomplishments.

Now you know the origin of the term: Trophy Wife.

But for most men I know, it’s far more complex.

In addition to the trophy aspects of the woman they also want someone they can converse with, share a mutual understanding, and love.

Older women often refer to this as man’s delusion, but for the more self-actualized among us, this is simply not the case.

While our accomplishments tend to precede us, there are no shortages of younger women waiting in line to date, live with, and ultimately, marry us.

That’s a lot to ask of a younger woman just starting out in life, to be perfectly frank.

And while some of them are grifters and psychopaths, many, many more are everything but.

In the end, it’s not that older men don’t didn’t find women their age interesting. It’s that they are simply not physically attracted to them.

Note: Most successful older women I personally know either date – and underwrite – much younger men, or they sleep alone.

Thankfully, women are better adapted to single-hood as evidenced by their ability to bond with other women in ways that men find difficult, if not impossible.

In this sense we both win. Count your blessings.

Older Men and Their Obsession with “Packaging”

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/feb/21/why-are-older-men-looking-at-women-half-their-age

Not all men are superficial.

I have actually known a few in their 50’s and 60’s who chose women their own age [within 5 years].

A few. Not many.

Most of them fell into the following categories:

1] Passive men lacking in ambition and drive who find emotional fulfillment in the company of powerful mother figures who do the driving for them.

2] Men with average to low libidos seeking travel companions.

3] Men who feign interest in such women because they look good on paper, but end up with women half their age because they look better in the flesh.

4] Normal, well adjusted men who would never consider dating anyone outside of their own age demographic because they live in the same psychological box they grew up in.

5] Budding serial killers looking for an older, submissive companion who will blend in with the neighborhood and stay out of the shed.

6] Men who have been married to the same women for decades and don’t see the changes as profoundly as they would had they met them on a Match date yesterday.

7] Men who genuinely love their wives too much to leave them, mistresses notwithstanding.

Understand that what gets people to where they are in life tends also to drive every other aspect of their life.

As I “testified” in my soon-to-be-released book, Urban Dystrophy, The Perverse Truths About Mid-Life in the Big City, there is nothing more powerful, no greater human commodity in the mind of a driven and successful older man, than youth and beauty.

Now you know the true crucible of older women.

Fortunately, due to the resiliency of gender adaptation, women are able to emotionally bond with others of their gender, enabling them to outlive their male counterparts by several years.

In this sense, we both win.

POSTSCRIPT

I remembered bookmarking this article from last month’s Huffington Post, and thought it would dovetail nicely with the narrative of this discussion. In it, Eva Mendes claims that the leading cause of divorce is “sweatpants.” If I may, I think that what Ms. Mendes was trying to say is that men

are visual first, human second.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/19/eva-mendes-sweatpants_n_6902570.html

On Longevity: The Married vs Single Debate

http://www.msn.com/en-us/health/medical/married-vs-single-what-science-says-is-better-for-your-health/ar-AAalrTb

Most middle-aged single men I know want to be in relationships, which may come as a shock to women who assume that these guys are merely womanizing frat boys in grown up bodies.

As it turns out, running the streets like packs of wolves gets old fast [literally and figuratively].

Back in the day [not long ago], I ran the streets 6 nights a week, every night another opportunity to meet THE ONE, even if the woman I happened to wake up with the next morning was everything but.

I was lost in the labyrinth of what if, which fueled those familiar brain chemicals I couldn’t live without.

It’s a funny little game men play with themselves when they reach a certain age and their empty homes feels like Purgatory.

Men like me hate going to bars, and the only reason we do is because the alternative [staying home alone] is far worse.

It’s hard on the soul to cast a line night after night no matter what the pretense happens to be. After a while it becomes a preoccupation that settles in like a virus that bleeds us of relevance and meaning.

Men tend to drink more, pay less attention to things that might otherwise be important to them, and generally speaking, burn the candle at both ends for months or years without payback.

Once a man finds himself in a healthy relationship, he discovers emotional support, physical and emotional intimacy, and deeper social ties to family. These factors alone drop blood pressure and relieve the low level anxiety that burns like a brush fire from deep inside the soul.

Robin Simon, a professor of sociology at Wakefield University, writes in Psychiatry Weekly that positive interpersonal relationships are better for men on many levels. “…Marriage provides social support — including emotional, financial, and instrumental support. Also, married people have greater psychosocial (or coping) resources than the non-married — higher self-esteem and greater mastery.”

Of course, the relationship or marriage in question must be a healthy one or he’s better off back at the bars.

The one downside of good relationships appears to be a greater propensity for obesity. After all, when you’re no longer spending 5 hours a day in the gym followed by a tanning appointment, that tends to happen.

One study found that married men were 25% more likely to be overweight or obese compared to single men or those in committed relationships.

Personally, I find this angle tough to swallow because committed relationships and marriage are kind of the same thing. I guess that piece of paper means more than most of us realize…or want to realize as the case may be.

Nonetheless, “the emphasis on looks and waistline may not matter as much,” it was postulated.

No kidding. When you’re “off the market” it means less, but it can also mean a hell of a lot more if you let it get away with you.

The findings concluded that in “healthy” relationships, greater longevity is the net result.

With this as a backdrop, it bears noting that older women are far better at establishing relationships and bonding with other women, making single-hood an easier ride.

This is in stark contrast to men who continue to act out like lone wolves in search of themselves.

SUMMARY

For all of this to play out the way it’s supposed to, the relationship in question must be a healthy one.

So the real question is whether men think the price of putting in the work to keep them running smoothly is worth a few extra years of life.

Retirement is Death by Any Other Word.

“The entire concept of retirement is unique to the late-20th century. Before World War II, most Americans worked until they died.” Morgan Housel

I had a conversation about early retirement with a guy at my gym recently. He’s in his late 40’s and was fortunate enough to have the choice to hang it up 5 years ago.

It didn’t work.

First the boredom set in, followed closely by a sense of fading relevance…and his retirement was over.

He saw the connection between early retirement and premature death [in his case, psychological death], and realized they both lead to a similar conclusions.

I took advantage of the same opportunity back in 2005, and found myself back to work within a year.

Back in the early part of the 20th century, there were few opportunities for anyone to retire before they died, if only because people had to eat.

There were no pensions, no IRA’s and related retirement packages. But quite frankly, people didn’t live as long, either. Or, as well as we do today.

Now guys in my particular demographic look 20 years younger than they actually are, and tend to live twice as long as their predecessors, often with women half their age, which may or may not lead to even longer lives.

So basically we have all these older men with time on their hands and nothing to do with it other than travel with their mistresses.

It gets boring, particularly for high achievers who are used to challenges money can’t buy.

No wonder so many of the older bands are touring again.

They already have money, and as a result lots of free time on their hands. What would you do? Fade away? I doubt it.

The first is a link to an article about Roger Daltrey [71] of The Who:

Daltrey tells Rolling Stone: “My voice is fine. I’m enjoying playing. There’s something about looking down the end of a telescope and seeing the potential end, but if I shut my eyes, I’m still 21.”

http://classicrock.teamrock.com/news/2015-03-30/who-roger-daltrey-scars-of-age

Then there’s Joe Elliot [55] of Def Leppard:

“Age doesn’t matter anymore. That’s the one thing that’s become a pattern over the last seven or eight years, with (Paul) McCartney still out there and the (Rolling) Stones still out there, and even Aerosmith and AC/DC getting up there. Billy Joel, Elton John. These are people that have been around since the ’60s and they’re still selling stadiums out. There’s nobody else that seems to be coming through to take over. They’re not stepping aside, they’re fighting. They’re fighting us, and we’re fighting the generation below us.”

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2015/03/30/def-leppard-frontman-joe-elliott-on-stamina-to-play-live-rock-star-myths/

I like to use rock ‘n roll references because I’m a fan of the genre.

When you grow up in that era it becomes part of you.

But the list is hardly limited to rock musicians and entertainers, in general. It encompasses every career ambitious men find themselves.

With this in mind, here are the five reasons retirement is a bad idea. These were culled from countless articles on the subject:

1] You Will Die Much Faster

There are many reasons for this, including a more sedentary lifestyle, but never underestimate the destructive power of an inactive mind.

2] You Will Have a Hard Time Making Your Money Last

Unless you’re very affluent, the fact that you will live longer than you ever imagined is real possibility. So if boredom doesn’t kill you, your investment portfolio will.

3] Spending all that extra time with your family is overrated.

Most men I know can’t wait to get out of the house. They look forward to travel and career advancement opportunities because they know that once they’ve had their fill of conquering the world, they can come home to a family that loves them. What this translates to is…I love my family in small doses, no offense intended.

4] You’re Probably Not Going to Spend Your Time Writing the Great American Novel.

If you wanted to do that you would have already done it. It’s a myth people create to justify the next chapter, which never comes.

5] Boredom is Another Word for Death

Are you kidding me? Fishing? Really? How many fish can you catch and release before it’s just a numbers game? Let’s see if I can remember how many fish I caught today? And golf? Unless you’re a professional golfer, you will start seeing golf courses the way you see cemeteries, all manicured and beautiful…with your body beneath them. And finally, there’s Florida. The quintessential fantasy destination for the too-soon-to-retire crowd who imagine long walks on a beach followed by lunch, a nap, then dinner, then another walk on the beach, this time with seagulls hovering above, waiting for the moment you keel over from boredom. The psychological damage from a Florida retirement before the age of 80 is enough to subtract 10 years from a man’s life.

SUMMARY

People just assume that wealthy people continue to work because they’re obsessed with making more money, because more money somehow equate to more happiness, but this simply is not the case. They work because it gives them relevance, meaning, and purpose.

If I had to redefine the concept of contemporary retirement for successful men, it would read something like this: Retirement is the ability to keep doing what you love to do on your own terms, which is what everybody ultimately wants, anyway.

NEWSFLASH: NEW STONES TOUR JUST ANNOUNCED! http://www.nme.com/news/the-rolling-stones/84086

Urban Dystrophy [Digital Version] Available on Amazon this week!

LAUNCH DATE FOR DIGITAL VERSION ANNOUNCED ON MAY, 2015!

PRINT VERSION TO FOLLOW.

From Urban Dystrophy:

“You get back what others think you’re worth, not what you think you’re worth. And unless you can afford not to care, you better care. With practice, you’ll be able to determine your own relative value so you’re not disappointed by things you thought you deserved, but didn’t for reasons you may resent, but better get used to.”

“Most middle-aged men struggling to balance acquisition of wealth with fading relevance feel like characters in an apocalypse series with recurring story arcs.”

“I compete with popular culture every day, on every level, including in my love life where it’s particularly competitive.”

“I once knew a forty-two-year-old pharmaceutical rep that kept a list of mandatory line items prospective “boyfriends” had to meet. It sat on her iPad for easy reference. If I remember correctly, the last count was 22,328.”

“Eventually we all reach a point in life where we can no longer hit on young women without also being hit on by a bouncer.”

“In the old days, men had wives and mistresses. This was considered normal. It was understood that emotional intimacy in men was a sign of weakness, and therefore, if women wanted their men to remain strong and faithful to their marriages, mistresses were necessary.”

“At middle age, the situation becomes ten times worse. Although women are decades older than they were back in college, men still measure them against their 1980 yearbook picture, which is why most of the women they date were born about that time. This same pathology manifests in the perception that men and women age at different rates, even if they technically don’t.”

“Women say blessings are counted by the number of people who give you unconditional love. But, others contend that you still die alone, and that bouncing nickels off a flawless ass is worth the blind faith in miracles.”

We’ve also produced some limited edition t-shirts, should you be interested in brandishing the narrative!

The logo below:

6 Things that Absolutely, Positively Happen When You Stop Working Out.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/health/cardio/6-things-that-will-happen-when-you-stop-working-out/ar-AAa8yo3#page=1

You may want to read this if for no other reason than to save your life.

This is a hot topic these days as we Boomers continue to age in spite of our best efforts to deny it.

I know. I still toss my AARP notices.

Now that we’ve cleared that up, I have been in the gym my entire adult life.

I eat right, get enough rest, have varied interests and passions, including a love life. Most psychiatrists would agree that this constitutes a balanced existence. You may want to reconfirm this with yours.

But maintaining a balanced existence is kind of like maintaining an aquarium. it requires a constant set of variables. If one falters, they all do.

In a human context, let’s use working out of as an example.

If I take one week off, it takes me three weeks to get back to where I was. In this sense, it’s unforgiving. You have to stay on the wheel to keep reaping the benefits. Walk away for a few days and you’re back to square one.

This alone is enough to incite many to throw in the towel for good, but the problems resulting from this decision are far worse than abandoning the hamster wheel.

I might also add at this juncture that the “wheel” is far more addictive than it sounds lest you think I’m knocking a kick-ass workout.

With this in mind, here are a few downsides to stopping:

1] Blood Pressure Soars: Blood pressure is almost always higher on the days you don’t exercise. In fact, within a month, you back to square one as if you’d never exercised a day in your life.

2] Blood Sugar Soars: Blood glucose rises after you eat, then drops as your muscles and other tissues suck up the sugar they need for energy. But after five days of slothfulness, your post-meal blood sugar levels remain elevated.

3] You’re Out of Breath: Within two weeks of avoiding the gym, your VO2 max—a measure of fitness that assesses how much oxygen your working muscles can use—decreases by as much as 20%.

4] Your Muscles Wilt: Significant declines in muscle mass are experienced after two weeks of complete rest. What’s more, some muscle fibers actually convert from fastest-twitch type IIa to more explosive but faster-fatiguing type IIx. This can hamper your ability to sustain high-intensity efforts.

5] You Fatten Up: Within about a week, your muscles lose some of their fat-burning potential and your metabolism slows down.

6] Your Brain Flatlines : Though human evidence is limited, rat studies presented at a recent Society for Neuroscience conference suggest animals that stop moving for just a week grow fewer new brain cells and do worse on maze tests than those who stick to a steady wheel-running routine.

SUMMARY

The six line items above are all backed up with research you’ll find in the report. While I’m not personally involved in the studies, I can certainly attest to their findings.

If you don’t work out on a regular basis, your body will begin to look and feel like a war zone before you’ve ordered your last Margarita on a 10-day – sit on your butt and watch the seagulls – jaunt to Tahiti.

No matter how much money you have at your disposal, or how much hair you have left on your head, without a consistent health regimen, you’ll be dead long before you’re buried.

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