Middle-Aged Men and Double Lives, Explored.

goldfinger460

http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/news/uk/article4295037.ece

Whether it’s a struggling college student in Washington, D.C. trying to make ends meet, or a “manageable” pill problem no one needs to know about, double lives can be a full time job for the older man of means.

With a middle class in America on life support, and article after article telling young people that in order to become really rich you have to start out really rich, you can see how things can become demoralizing after a while. 

Advertising flaunts the lavish lifestyles of the rich and famous at every turn, and the fact shows like The Kardashians are among America’s favorite “reality” pastimes, you can see where the average person might feel like a civilian in a war they can’t win.

Okay, so this is the playing field.

Enter the affluent and entitled middle-aged man with time on his hands and penchant for youth, and beauty and a new market is born.

In this world everything one might imagine is usually the norm.

“Michael” has been married to the same woman for 20 years. They have 3 kids in college. At 55 he’s proven all he needs to prove to himself and the world around him. He’s been financially successful, sits on corporate and charitable boards, and is a member in good standing of a prestigious country club. What more of life could one ask?

A lot.

“Michael” is bored. He wants more out of life. But more of what?

Excitement.

He wants to feel “alive” again. He wants the higher highs, the ones that kept him motivated and in the saddle all these years.

So he stumbles around a bit.

He tries to retire, but that doesn’t work because boredom – and that sense of irrelevance – start creeping into the subconscious until he’s ready to climb out of his skin.

So he goes back to work, but still finds holes in the plaster. There’s got to be more. This can’t be all that’s left of what once was.

It’s time for an assessment.

NOTE [s]:

1] This mental process is uncommon among ordinary men.

2] However, it is quite common among politicians, athletes, entertainers, high-octane suits, and other libidinous creatures, otherwise known as men who expect more because they feel entitled to more.

Using #2 as a template for this brief discussion, it doesn’t stretch the imagination to understand why playing life close to the vest is endemic to success in any and all endeavors.

In this sense, business and pleasure overlap and what we see are happily married men with mistresses in luxury apartments in other cities, for example.

They do not consider this cheating.

In their minds, its like a tax credit for providing their wives with high-end lifestyles they would not otherwise experience.

So it’s a win-win.

This level of compartmentalization is common among high-functioning sociopaths, who did not climb to the top being kind and compassionate.

With this as a backdrop, one can easily see that certain psychological profiles lead to certain behaviors, which is why criminal profilers who hunt homicidal sociopaths might open a division just for affluent older men who lead double lives.

While they don’t dump bodies along lonely stretches of freeway, they drop souls all over the place.

 

Curves Vs. Face in Over-40 Women: A Man’s Perspective.

26FE34B300000578-3011773-image-m-16_1427322509796

Candice Bergen [68] has a curvy figure.

26FE37DD00000578-3011773-image-m-26_1427322629269 Victoria Beckham [40] has a thin figure.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3011773/It-s-classic-advice-given-women-age-40-does-woman-really-choose-FACE-BOTTOM.html

Articles like this one have been popping up a lot lately as aging women feel the pressure to conform to standards they themselves set decades ago. This one in particular was written in response to Candice Bergen’s comments about aging women where she advises older women to “keep a lovely, plump pretty face, and stay sitting down.”

Needless to say, this upset women who feel that objectification is a crucible they will never outlive.

They’re right, actually. They will never outlive it.

The older men I spend time around tend to be ambitious and successful. They have high expectations and are surrounded by a culture group that reinforces this narrative.

While it is not uncommon to see out-of-shape, age-relevant couples who’ve been married for decades, there is usually a back story, an off-the-books apartment in Manhattan in someone else’s name, perhaps.

If a man does happen to crave big beautiful women, he calls an escort service and keeps his mouth shut. They both do. For a price.

Back to the subject at hand, the men in my demographic tend to like the same body types: Fit, thin, and tall [ish]. Some describe it as that of a 12-year-old boy.

This is not to say that these men are gay, but that a certain androgynous aesthetic is preferred.

Why?

Several reasons, but first an example:

hotsale-women-s-swimwear-super-sexy-solid

Now for the reasons:

1] They look great in designer apparel, regardless of the designer.

2] They can wear a basically nothing no matter what time of the month it happens to be.

3] Other woman hate them, which men love.

4] The subconscious dominance men experience in their company bolsters self esteem, both in and out of the bedroom.

5] Thin women convey to men that they understand and appreciate a particular aesthetic, thus, no matter what the hell happens, including pregnancy, they will always squeeze into a size “0-2” Chanel cocktail dress.

So basically, Candice Bergen is right.

She had her day in the sun and has finally come to a place of acceptance.

A rare admission, indeed. No wonder women are so pissed off at her.

If I didn’t look like the model above, I would be, too.

 

Healthy Diets Should Not Be Rocket Science

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http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/23/opinion/the-myth-of-high-protein-diets.html

Dean Ornish recently published an OP-ED piece in the New York Times titled “The Myth of High-Protein Diets,” in which he extolled the virtues of a whole foods, plant-based diet.

It bears noting that Mr. Ornish is also a member of the University of California, San Francisco nonprofit, Preventive Medicine Research Institute, which promotes the belief that livestock production is the leading cause of global warming.

With this in mind, it’s not a stretch to assume that he and his colleagues have a vested interest in keeping you out of steakhouses, which further confuses an already information-weary public.

Making matters worse, on the same day MSN published a headlining article promoting the top sandwich shops in America, all of them beef intensive!

http://www.msn.com/en-us/foodanddrink/foodnews/america%E2%80%99s-25-best-chain-sandwich-shops/ss-BBh0Jvs

For God’s sake, get your stories straight already.

……………….

I was talking to my trainer yesterday about the latest diet trends, and he said rather matter-of factly:

“Discussions about what to eat or not to eat will be going on for the rest of our lives…”

So I asked several other trainers the same question and received similar responses. These guys spend their entire lives thinking about this stuff because they’re expected to know more than the general public, and even they’re conflicted.

With this in mind, here are some general guidelines I follow, and they seem to work:

1] Based on the way I train [powerlifting], I know that I absolutely, positively need a good source of healthy protein. Proteins are the building blocks of lean muscle tissue, and because they break down more slowly than simple carbohydrates, consumption also helps when dieting down. I avoid all processed meats. In other words, I stay out of Stop-n-Go unless I’m buying water. I buy grass-fed meats from places like Whole Foods, which are ten times the price of Wal-Mart – but in the long run – 100 times less expensive than hospital visits. Purchase only lean cuts of grass fed meat, chicken breast, egg whites, canned white fish, and salmon. My shakes, by the way, are made with whey protein.

3] Unless you’re running marathons every 5 minutes, stay away from breads, pastas, white rice and other simple carbohydrates. The spikes in sugar result in hypoglycemic crashes followed by distended bellies. If you must eat some form of bread, try Ezekiel brand, which has a lower glycemic count.

4] Hydrate. Most older men lose their sense of thirst due to reduced kidney function, so ignore your body and drink heavily.

5] I eat lost of fruits and colorful vegetables. They don’t taste as good as Southern fried chicken, but the way they make you feel is something you learn to appreciate fast.

6] A little low fat cheese is fine, but understand that the majority of your fats should come from foods like olive oil, avocados, macadamias, walnuts and pine nuts and almonds.

7] I usually have a glass of wine and fruit in the evenings. Eating is not always a pain in the ass, just most of the time. but like I said, it’s about how proper nutrition makes you look and feel.

8] Some people allow themselves “cheat” meals, but I have found that my body can no longer tolerate heavy, greasy food, so I avoid them altogether.

9] I take multivitamins, as well as supplement with omega-3 fatty acid-rich fish oil, vitamin D and one mini-aspirin [Bayer].

10] I rest and recover no matter how long that takes. I never go to the gym depleted. It’s counterproductive, and often, an injury magnet.

11] I try to avoid toxic stress at any and all costs. There’s both good and bad stress. You can Google it.

12] The moment you start weighing your food, you need psychiatric help. Just follow the basic guidelines and you’ll be fine.

OVERVIEW

Health and fitness are synonymous. You can’t have one without the other. In other words, you can’t just eat right and expect to stay healthy. You must also stay physically active to reap the rewards. Using the 12-steps above [no puns], I add 6 days of exercise to my regimen: 3 days of heavy resistance and agility training [1 hour], and 3 days of cardio, foam rolling and stretching [1 hour]. If you think this is a lot to give, ask yourself how much time you spend in front of the television and generally speaking it should answer your question. 

Understand also that there will be resistance to your efforts to stay fit, most often from those who aren’t.

An older gentleman at my gym told me that his Internist asked him why he lifted weights. His exact words went something like this: “At your age, are you trying to be a bodybuilder or something?” When I asked the man to describe the physical condition of said physician, his description said it all. Projection is common amongst older physicians who should be kicking your ass to stay fit. Instead, they dispense advice based upon their own sedentary lifestyles. This means you’ll need to find a physician who gets it, along with a new healthier group of friends who will help keep you on track.

I never said it was going to be easy, but the solutions are hardly rocket science.

 

Testosterone Nation

testosterone

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/04/should-the-modern-man-be-taking-testosterone/274663/

“Step right up! Right this way. Whether you take your “T” by injection, gel, patch, or subcutaneous pellet, the promise of eternal youth can be yours for the taking!!!”

Most guys in my particular socioeconomic demographic are on some form of testosterone, usually cocktailed with Human Growth Hormone [HGH], and sometimes, anabolic steroids.

This is considered proper maintenance, and therefore, normal.

…………..

The testosterone debate is as heated as politics and religion. Everyone has an opinion.

But the biggest problem is that everyone is also a “research scientist” armed with a battery of affirming studies touting the benefits, while downplaying the side-effects.

In this sense, it’s like the global warming debate.

Did you know that Houston has had its coldest Winter in 30 years? In New England it’s more like 100 years.

Having said this, it has also been the warmest in general, which may or may not have to do with SUV’s and Dick Cheney.

There’s an angle for everything, which brings me back to my point: Testosterone has become a kind of lightning rod for people who want to take advantage of what science has to offer without having to necessarily prove it’s overall safety record.

This is why people carry around talking points to validate their addictions, the main one being baselines. If i keep raising the bar, suddenly everyone needs more testosterone. Get it? This is the hook.

This is why testosterone supplementation has become its own religion, practiced and promoted by pharmaceutical companies, physicians and the patients who carry the “word of god” into gyms across America.

I’ll be straight with you about something: If I were to inject 1 cc of testosterone per week, my body would begin to bleed fat and build more muscle with half the effort I currently put forth in my workouts. How long this would last I don’t know. How long I would last I don’t know. Is it worth the risks given the fact that my livelihood does not depend on winning bodybuilding competitions or the Super Bowl?

No.

If I were a professional athlete, would it be worth the 5 million a year to stay competitive? Probably, which is why most use and then end up in wheelchairs, or worse.

The human body will only give us so much before it starts subtracting the gains.

Nonetheless, the men I’m referring to are NOT professional athletes. They may be athletic. They may want to look and feel better. But from what I have seen, the risks they are willing to take far outweigh the gains they expect.

This is irrelevant to most of them. They live for the moment. For now. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

Indeed.

Postscript: In case you’re wondering what all the fuss is really about, take a look at these three steroid users and their preternatural physiques, courtesy of the drugs.

37b84296779f179422f93b8d1c35468d98d2376e7eefe8eb7b49547851557003OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

The Normal Aging Process Versus the Preternaturally Fit.

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http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/01/07/how-exercise-keeps-us-young/?_r=0

“As it turned out, the cyclists did not show their age. On almost all measures, their physical functioning remained fairly stable across the decades and was much closer to that of young adults than of people their age. As a group, even the oldest cyclists had younger people’s levels of balance, reflexes, metabolic health and memory ability.”

From the perspective of chronological averages, my script has been written and what’s left is fading fast.

Fortunately, I’ve never been a fan of averages.

…………

Admittedly, there are days when my age bothers me. I’m smack in the middle of the Baby Boom Gen and sometimes the psychological ramifications of being this far down the road sucks. People are dying all over the place and everyone seems to have some horror story to share about their health.if they just shut up about it for five minutes I swear they’d feel better.

It seems like just yesterday I was a carefree young man, the world at my feet, with endless promise ahead of me.

I thought of people my age as dead men walking, and dismissed them summarily. It’s not that I was unable to see their strengths, but that I resented their competitive presence in the game of life. After all, this was my world. Their time came and went, so why are they still here?

And then it happened: I woke up one day the object of my own adolescent scorn.

Wow. I didn’t feel any differently, but here I was, an older man.

And while there was absolutely nothing I could do about chronological stage in life, there was everything in the world I could do about how I wanted to live it.

So I started power lifting.

I found a top trainer and focused on a goal.

See, an important aspect of physical fitness for older men is having a goal. Without one, you get lost. Motivation dries up because there’s nothing to work towards, and eventually, you’re back on the couch reading history books before dying of heart failure before your 60th birthday.

Power lifting, like Cross-fit, and other competitive endeavors makes goal-setting a integral part of the training process.

Adding to this is the camaraderie often lacking in an older man’s life, which you have to feel yourself to really appreciate. You stop drawing inward and resigned, and instead experience a reawakening.

For me it was an easy segue because I’ve been athletic all my life, but I have seen frumpy middle-aged men morph into competitive athletes with entirely new outlooks on life. In fact, you wouldn’t recognize many of them from their former pathetic selves.

The moment you give up on yourself and your abilities, you’re dead in the water. The missives from young men are now accurate, and you become the helpless poster-child for irrelevance.

Life is all about choices. We can choose to fade, or we can get back in the ring and compete.

What I’ve noticed is that men of all ages respect older men who fight for themselves, who challenge the forces of time, and set examples for future generations.

Now they have something to actually look forward to, which no one will dismiss.

……………

I’ll leave you with this: The following is a video of a 78-year-old man doing leg lifts at my gym 3 days ago:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MsO2lqgvZ4&feature=youtu.be&app=desktop 

 

Ronnie Wood [67] and Sally Humphreys [37] Tie the Knot. Congratulations!

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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3003820/Rolling-Stones-rocker-Ronnie-Wood-67-lovingly-kisses-wife-Sally-37-cheek-attend-charity-gala.html

Ya gotta read the comments on this one. Lots of jealousy couched as “common sense.”

Here’s a typical example: “Let’s face it. If he were an ordinary fella , in a normal job, she wouldn’t be seen dead, next to him.” Somebody, United Kingdom

Newsflash: A 37-year-old ordinary fella, in a normal job, wouldn’t have a shot in hell with her, either.

She’s clearly taken with extraordinarily successful, and, in Ronnie’s case, famous men.

So what?

People find themselves with one another for their own reasons, none of them being anyone else’s business.

Those bitching are the usual suspects: Older average men in dead end relationships with older average women, young men who resent older, more successful men “hoarding” their women, and older women who can’t find a man to save their lives.

Nobody else is complaining, believe me.

While Ms. Humphrey married someone who will in all likelihood predecease her, she has also made a conscious decision that what she’s taken on is far better than what she might leave behind. People do this at every stage if their lives. Young women choose young men for their good looks, coupled with their perceived ability to provide, and then go on to become good husbands and fathers. It’s a linear calculation all women make.

Sometimes it’s an age-relevant coupling, other times it’s a generational divide.

In either case, it’s the same drill.

I get that Ronnie Wood is not the best looking man in the world, but I have never known women over the age of 21 to fall in love exclusively with their eyes.

While his fame and fortune are powerful motivators, she still has to sleep with him, which I’m sure is a bargain for both of them, everything considered.

 

Is Aging a Disease?

 

0bba1e9bdhttp://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/02/the-narcissistic-injury-of-middle-age/283602/

To the normal person, aging is considered a natural process that one accepts.

To the normal urbanite, it’s a disease like leukemia that one fights tooth and nail with testosterone, dermal fillers, plastic surgery and 6-hour kickboxing classes.

With this in mind, I can state unequivocally that aging is the crucible of my generation.

NEWSFLASH: We are NO LONGER the center of the universe.

Now the only way we get that level of attention is by doing something that lands us on the evening news.

Many refer to this phenomenon as “invisibility.”

Some describe it to be a lot like death, but more expensive.

Whatever it is, though, sucks.

In the article, the answer is to “use our accumulated wisdom and experience to help guide the next generation.”

For some, this is enough. They coach Little league, get involved in charitable causes, move to Florida.

But for millions of others, this is not how they see themselves, or the balance of their lives, which could very well span several decades.

For me, it’s about getting up everyday and putting one foot in front of the other.

Think of it as the first step in a twelve-step program.

If you can’t get out of bed, you just as soon swallow that bottle of Xanax in the closet.

Your next step is to take stock of what you do have and balance it against what you don’t.

I use a Magic Marker and draw a black line down the center of a page: The good is on the left, the bad on the right.

If the “good” column has more entrees than the bad, it’s a good day.

The next thing I do is eat clean. It’s a pain in the ass, but you get used to it.

Then I sit down at my desk and write. This constitutes work, which is critical to any man’s self-esteem. You can’t just drift. It will obliterate whatever is left of you in a heartbeat.

Now you know why people like The Stones still tour. They hardly need the money. It’s about relevance, visibility, and purpose. You have to have a reason to go on.

Okay, so now that you’re eating right and doing something professionally challenging and meaningful, you have to go to the gym.

This does not mean get a gym membership and participate in some senior’s stretching class. It means going to the gym and busting your ass alongside people half your age.

Then you have to rest and recover. This takes longer than it used to and that’s just the way it is no matter what the hell you do.

Next, you will need a life beyond yourself to soften the blows of aging, which involves another human being. Living alone works great for homicidal sociopaths, but not middle-aged men.

If you’re in a dead-end marriage, you owe it to yourself, and your spouse, to either improve the situation or move on.

Putting a hooker on the payroll [like a lot of guys I know] only insures that the already disastrous relationship with your current wife will end up in the hands of attorneys. It’s a downward spiral.

Finally, count your blessings. Remember the list? Read it, over and over and over again until you memorize the good stuff.

I have to do this every day and believe me when I tell you, it keeps the pity party at arms length, which is exactly where it belongs.

By the way, I’m competing again in the USAPL power-lifting competition this July in Houston to hold my state record in the dead lift. Here’s a video of my progress so far…

IMG_1718

 

Anthony Kiedis [52] Dating Wanessa Milhomem [22].

26BAD95100000578-2998726-image-m-173_1426596941000

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2998726/Anthony-Kiedis-52-takes-girlfriend-Wanessa-Milhomem-22-surfing.html

Why is this a story?

Because anything involving successful older men in the company of beautiful young women tends to fly off the shelves.

Why is this?

Because older women [and younger men] want someone to beat on for “dismissing” them.

Here’s one such comment:

“Nancy” from Washington D.C. wrote in reference to someone who said that the relationship made perfect sense…”Except that maybe he’s on a catheter when the kid is graduating from college. or worse, suffering from Alzheimer’s and trying to work out who his kid is…”

“Nancy” like others of her mindset are loath to accept the fact that age disparity may involve far more than a simple exchange of commodities. I might also add that science has repeatedly dismissed the efficacy of crystal balls, so we have no idea who will go first; or when, or how.

Life is not a linear calculation. Weird things happen along the way. Unexpected things. Nobody knows what’s around the next corner. The shoe just drops when it drops.

If Kiedis were to date a 52-year-old woman, she might drop dead tomorrow of a brain aneurism. She might also outlive him by 20 years after he got hit back a garbage truck. Then there’s the fidelity issue, as in what happens if she sleeps with another rock star while Anthony is on tour?

This is when people fall back into the “likelihood” discussion, which is fine as long as everything plays out as planned.

In this context, one must conclude that Kiedis will go first.

However, if they stay together for 10 years, that would be 2 years longer than the average marriage lasts between age-relevant couples in the United States.

Win-win.

As for raw statistics, they do bear out that large age gaps lead to higher divorce rates, but I would submit that the reason for this is because many of the people in these relationships are in them for everything BUT emotion.

How long do hookers last? An hour?

In fairness, not every woman is on board with the criticism as the following article illustrates:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/monique-honaman/shes-how-old-do-age-diffe_b_3684419.html

Some people actually understand that love is where you find it no matter what it looks like from the outside.

I am in one of these “doomed’ relationships. My live-in girlfriend of 4 years is 30 years my junior.

Does this make me feel better about myself, my masculinity, or my success in life?

No.

Would I prefer that she be closer to my age?

No. I like beautiful young objects I can kick around like a soccer ball…lol.

You critics really need to get a life.

 

Distinguishing “Contentment” from “Happiness” as Jaded Adults.

Google Contentment and this is what comes up:

Contentment..Sign-of-a-True-Believer-1024x640Google Happiness and this is what comes up:

happiness

I dunno. Happiness kind of sells itself.

Merriam Webster offers the following definitions:

Contentment:

a: the state of being happy and satisfied : the state of being content

Happiness:

a: a state of well-being and contentment: JOY

b: a pleasurable or satisfying experience

………

After reading this, it is clear that these dictionary definitions and actual life [for adults] are two entirely different things.

When I was a kid, happiness was what I felt the first day of Summer, or Christmas morning, or racing into the surf on a family beach vacation.

I entered a state of bliss indescribable by today’s standards. Life seemed to open up like an endless universe, without boundaries or restraints of any kind.

Of course, I wasn’t paying the bills, cleaning up the Xmas mess, or worrying about making and keeping dinner reservations…to name a few.

I was just along for the ride, and a ride it was.

Then I got older…a lot older…and things changed.

While I got used to paying bills and dealing with responsibilities that came with adulthood, I never felt completely happy anymore. Something was missing, but what?

I had money. I had my health. I had friends and interests. What else was there?

LOVE.

That’s what was missing: Love. I needed a relationship to complete my life, to make me happy.

Then it happened and I was happy…for a while.

I say this not because I became less happy with my relationship, but because I became more and more content with a life lived in what felt a lot like emotional captivity.

Was I then a prisoner of my own delusions? Was this contentment really a kind of resignation that I wasn’t strong enough to walk away from someone I loved in order to find someone I loved even more?

In other words, was there something better out there?

PARADOX.

When you love someone, you automatically fall victim to psychological paralysis that forces your hand.

You don’t leave because the enduring comfort it brings far outweighs the excitement that burns fast and dies. At least, that’s the hope.

None of us make it out of this place unscathed, so there’s a good argument to be made for finding refuge from a storm that is best left to novels.

CONCLUSION.

Once you reach adulthood, happiness is something you work towards. It doesn’t come to you the way it’s used to.

It’s a series of fits and starts that, in the end, should leave us somewhere in the plus category.

It’s no longer one long string of ecstatic moments, not that it ever was. We just remember it that way.

In my life, instead of running the streets 6 nights a week like a banshee from hell, I am for the most part home with a woman I love, with 4 animals and a Macbook Pro streaming “Criminal Minds” through a set of Bose headphones.

This is as good as it gets, folks.

Life is no panacea. It’s just life, a place you mold for yourself, not what molds you.

If that were the case, we’d all be institutionalized.

The good news is that life has never been better, which you have to reality-check on a daily basis.

Our fantasies have a way of running away with us, which is why they’re called fantasies.

DEFINITIONS REDRAFTED FOR ADULTS

Contentment:

a: the state of being happy and satisfied, all things considered.

Happiness:

a: Moments of hyper-mania followed by life. [The same experiences it was when we were adolescents, but don’t remember, bills notwithstanding].