Post Category → older men

Older Men and Their Obsession with “Packaging”

Man-with-two-women-in-bik-008

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/feb/21/why-are-older-men-looking-at-women-half-their-age

Not all men are superficial.

I have actually known a few in their 50’s and 60’s who chose women their own age [within 5 years].

A few. Not many.

Most of them fell into the following categories:

1] Passive men lacking in ambition and drive who find emotional fulfillment in the company of powerful mother figures who do the driving for them. 

2] Men with average to low libidos seeking travel companions.

3] Men who feign interest in such women because they look good on paper, but end up with women half their age because they look better in the flesh.

4] Normal, well adjusted men who would never consider dating anyone outside of their own age demographic because they live in the same psychological box they grew up in.

5] Budding serial killers looking for an older, submissive companion who will blend in with the neighborhood and stay out of the shed.       

6] Men who have been married to the same women for decades and don’t see the changes as profoundly as they would had they met them on a Match date yesterday.

7] Men who genuinely love their wives too much to leave them, mistresses notwithstanding.

Understand that what gets people to where they are in life tends also to drive every other aspect of their life.

As I “testified” in my soon-to-be-released book, Urban Dystrophy, The Perverse Truths About Mid-Life in the Big City, there is nothing more powerful, no greater human commodity in the mind of a driven and successful older man, than youth and beauty.

Now you know the true crucible of older women.

Fortunately, due to the resiliency of gender adaptation, women are able to emotionally bond with others of their gender, enabling them to outlive their male counterparts by several years.

In this sense, we both win.

POSTSCRIPT

I remembered bookmarking this article from last month’s Huffington Post, and thought it would dovetail nicely with the narrative of this discussion. In it, Eva Mendes claims that the leading cause of divorce is “sweatpants.” If I may, I think that what Ms. Mendes was trying to say is that men

are visual first, human second.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/19/eva-mendes-sweatpants_n_6902570.html

 

Doctors are Clueless about Advising Seasoned Athletes

fit-older-man-pushups

http://time.com/3765835/american-medical-schools-exercise-curriculum/

As an older man, you’d be better of consulting a Shaman than a medical doctor about physical fitness.

There are certain “go-to” physicians for older men in every big city.

I suggest you get their names before bothering to ask anyone else for advice on your fitness regimen.

…………

I dare you to tell your family physician that you are a competitive power-lifter, or Crossfit enthusiast and not treated to the all-too-familiar refrain: Everything in moderation.

Newsflash: Moderation is not living, it’s just enduring.

I’d rather be dead than sedentary.

The ONLY physicians who “get it” are either athletes themselves, or testosterone pushers, who will go along with pretty much anything a patient says as long as they leave with an Rx.

The rest are usually couch junkies who let go a long time ago; usually when their first wives left them out of sheer boredom.

Understand that such physicians are merely projecting their own insecurities and/or laziness onto their patients to keep ’em coming back for more treatments, which they know they will require at 10 times the frequency of those who take care of themselves.

Did you know that most guys who don’t make healthy lifestyle choices have back problems?

In order to avoid these types of injuries, I train my back. Hard. With a trainer who knows what he’s doing. It’s a slow, systematic process that, in time, enables me to win state competitions in power-lifting without steroids.

But yet I still have to listen to physicians in my gym making demoralizing comments about my workouts.

“I’m surprised you don’t hurt your back.” “You’re going to suffer a brain aneurism lifting that much weight.” “Why do you do that to yourself?”

Believe me, I could go on. These are the same resigned individuals who walk stoop-shouldered, knees twisted in three different directions, butts as sheer as flat irons, like phantasms from an existential nightmare.

Shoot me the day I look like that without a damn good excuse, like getting hit by a bus or something.

I have a responsibility to myself to get enough sleep at night, to eat right, to nurture my personal life and professional life, and to train as hard as I possibly can so that I can build as much lean mass as possible, while I still can.

That’s my mantra.

To the guys my age who don’t work out, and still bitch and moan about poor health, they should take their sob stories elsewhere.

Aging is not for the faint of heart, and neither is this blog.

I liked this article on the subject:

http://sportsmedicine.about.com/od/olderathletes/a/082404.htm

By the way, if you do happen to require the services of a Shaman, I happen to have a reference:

HamatsaShaman1

On Longevity: The Married vs Single Debate

burn_after_reading_01

http://www.msn.com/en-us/health/medical/married-vs-single-what-science-says-is-better-for-your-health/ar-AAalrTb

Most middle-aged single men I know want to be in relationships, which may come as a shock to women who assume that these guys are merely womanizing frat boys in grown up bodies.

As it turns out, running the streets like packs of wolves gets old fast [literally and figuratively].

Back in the day [not long ago], I ran the streets 6 nights a week, every night another opportunity to meet THE ONE, even if the woman I happened to wake up with the next morning was everything but.

I was lost in the labyrinth of what if, which fueled those familiar brain chemicals I couldn’t live without.

It’s a funny little game men play with themselves when they reach a certain age and their empty homes feels like Purgatory.

Men like me hate going to bars, and the only reason we do is because the alternative [staying home alone] is far worse.

It’s hard on the soul to cast a line night after night no matter what the pretense happens to be. After a while it becomes a preoccupation that settles in like a virus that bleeds us of relevance and meaning.

Men tend to drink more, pay less attention to things that might otherwise be important to them, and generally speaking, burn the candle at both ends for months or years without payback.

Once a man finds himself in a healthy relationship, he discovers emotional support, physical and emotional intimacy, and deeper social ties to family. These factors alone drop blood pressure and relieve the low level anxiety that burns like a brush fire from deep inside the soul.

Robin Simon, a professor of sociology at Wakefield University, writes in Psychiatry Weekly that positive interpersonal relationships are better for men on many levels. “…Marriage provides social support — including emotional, financial, and instrumental support. Also, married people have greater psychosocial (or coping) resources than the non-married — higher self-esteem and greater mastery.”  

Of course, the relationship or marriage in question must be a healthy one or he’s better off back at the bars.

The one downside of good relationships appears to be a greater propensity for obesity. After all, when you’re no longer spending 5 hours a day in the gym followed by a tanning appointment, that tends to happen.

One study found that married men were 25% more likely to be overweight or obese compared to single men or those in committed relationships.

Personally, I find this angle tough to swallow because committed relationships and marriage are kind of the same thing. I guess that piece of paper means more than most of us realize…or want to realize as the case may be.

Nonetheless, “the emphasis on looks and waistline may not matter as much,” it was postulated.

No kidding. When you’re “off the market” it means less, but it can also mean a hell of a lot more if you let it get away with you.

The findings concluded that in “healthy” relationships, greater longevity is the net result.

With this as a backdrop, it bears noting that older women are far better at establishing relationships and bonding with other women, making single-hood an easier ride.

This is in stark contrast to men who continue to act out like lone wolves in search of themselves.

SUMMARY

For all of this to play out the way it’s supposed to, the relationship in question must be a healthy one.

So the real question is whether men think the price of putting in the work to keep them running smoothly is worth a few extra years of life.

 

Retirement is Death by Any Other Word.

 

cfiles41954“The entire concept of retirement is unique to the late-20th century. Before World War II, most Americans worked until they died.” Morgan Housel

I had a conversation about early retirement with a guy at my gym recently. He’s in his late 40’s and was fortunate enough to have the choice to hang it up 5 years ago.

It didn’t work.

First the boredom set in, followed closely by a sense of fading relevance…and his retirement was over.

He saw the connection between early retirement and premature death [in his case, psychological death], and realized they both lead to a similar conclusions.

I took advantage of the same opportunity back in 2005, and found myself back to work within a year.

Back in the early part of the 20th century, there were few opportunities for anyone to retire before they died, if only because people had to eat.

There were no pensions, no IRA’s and related retirement packages. But quite frankly, people didn’t live as long, either. Or, as well as we do today.

Now guys in my particular demographic look 20 years younger than they actually are, and tend to live twice as long as their predecessors, often with women half their age, which may or may not lead to even longer lives.

So basically we have all these older men with time on their hands and nothing to do with it other than travel with their mistresses.

It gets boring, particularly for high achievers who are used to challenges money can’t buy.

No wonder so many of the older bands are touring again.

They already have money, and as a result lots of free time on their hands. What would you do? Fade away? I doubt it.

The first is a link to an article about Roger Daltrey [71] of The Who:

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Daltrey tells Rolling Stone: “My voice is fine. I’m enjoying playing. There’s something about looking down the end of a telescope and seeing the potential end, but if I shut my eyes, I’m still 21.”

http://classicrock.teamrock.com/news/2015-03-30/who-roger-daltrey-scars-of-age

Then there’s Joe Elliot [55] of Def Leppard:

joeelliot

“Age doesn’t matter anymore. That’s the one thing that’s become a pattern over the last seven or eight years, with (Paul) McCartney still out there and the (Rolling) Stones still out there, and even Aerosmith and AC/DC getting up there. Billy Joel, Elton John. These are people that have been around since the ’60s and they’re still selling stadiums out. There’s nobody else that seems to be coming through to take over. They’re not stepping aside, they’re fighting. They’re fighting us, and we’re fighting the generation below us.”

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2015/03/30/def-leppard-frontman-joe-elliott-on-stamina-to-play-live-rock-star-myths/

I like to use rock ‘n roll references because I’m a fan of the genre.

When you grow up in that era it becomes part of you.

But the list is hardly limited to rock musicians and entertainers, in general. It encompasses every career ambitious men find themselves.

With this in mind, here are the five reasons retirement is a bad idea. These were culled from countless articles on the subject:

1] You Will Die Much Faster

There are many reasons for this, including a more sedentary lifestyle, but never underestimate the destructive power of an inactive mind.

2] You Will Have a Hard Time Making Your Money Last

Unless you’re very affluent, the fact that you will live longer than you ever imagined is real possibility. So if boredom doesn’t kill you, your investment portfolio will.

3] Spending all that extra time with your family is overrated.

Most men I know can’t wait to get out of the house. They look forward to travel and career advancement opportunities because they know that once they’ve had their fill of conquering the world, they can come home to a family that loves them. What this translates to is…I love my family in small doses, no offense intended.

4] You’re Probably Not Going to Spend Your Time Writing the Great American Novel.

If you wanted to do that you would have already done it. It’s a myth people create to justify the next chapter, which never comes.

5] Boredom is Another Word for Death

Are you kidding me? Fishing? Really? How many fish can you catch and release before it’s just a numbers game? Let’s see if I can remember how many fish I caught today? And golf? Unless you’re a professional golfer, you will start seeing golf courses the way you see cemeteries, all manicured and beautiful…with your body beneath them. And finally, there’s Florida. The quintessential fantasy destination for the too-soon-to-retire crowd who imagine long walks on a beach followed by lunch, a nap, then dinner, then another walk on the beach, this time with seagulls hovering above, waiting for the moment you keel over from boredom. The psychological damage from a Florida retirement before the age of 80 is enough to subtract 10 years from a man’s life.

SUMMARY

People just assume that wealthy people continue to work because they’re obsessed with making more money, because more money somehow equate to more happiness, but this simply is not the case. They work because it gives them relevance, meaning, and purpose.

If I had to redefine the concept of contemporary retirement for successful men, it would read something like this: Retirement is the ability to keep doing what you love to do on your own terms, which is what everybody ultimately wants, anyway.

NEWSFLASH: NEW STONES TOUR JUST ANNOUNCED! http://www.nme.com/news/the-rolling-stones/84086

Urban Dystrophy [Digital Version] Available on Amazon this week!

Screen Shot 2015-03-29 at 12.24.31 PM copyLAUNCH DATE FOR DIGITAL VERSION ANNOUNCED ON MAY, 2015!

PRINT VERSION TO FOLLOW.

From Urban Dystrophy:

“You get back what others think you’re worth, not what you think you’re worth. And unless you can afford not to care, you better care. With practice, you’ll be able to determine your own relative value so you’re not disappointed by things you thought you deserved, but didn’t for reasons you may resent, but better get used to.”

“Most middle-aged men struggling to balance acquisition of wealth with fading relevance feel like characters in an apocalypse series with recurring story arcs.”

“I compete with popular culture every day, on every level, including in my love life where it’s particularly competitive.”

“I once knew a forty-two-year-old pharmaceutical rep that kept a list of mandatory line items prospective “boyfriends” had to meet. It sat on her iPad for easy reference. If I remember correctly, the last count was 22,328.”

“Eventually we all reach a point in life where we can no longer hit on young women without also being hit on by a bouncer.”

“In the old days, men had wives and mistresses. This was considered normal. It was understood that emotional intimacy in men was a sign of weakness, and therefore, if women wanted their men to remain strong and faithful to their marriages, mistresses were necessary.”

“At middle age, the situation becomes ten times worse. Although women are decades older than they were back in college, men still measure them against their 1980 yearbook picture, which is why most of the women they date were born about that time. This same pathology manifests in the perception that men and women age at different rates, even if they technically don’t.”

“Women say blessings are counted by the number of people who give you unconditional love. But, others contend that you still die alone, and that bouncing nickels off a flawless ass is worth the blind faith in miracles.”

We’ve also produced some limited edition t-shirts, should you be interested in brandishing the narrative!

The logo below:

proofcopy

6 Things that Absolutely, Positively Happen When You Stop Working Out.

fat-vs-thin-man

http://www.msn.com/en-us/health/cardio/6-things-that-will-happen-when-you-stop-working-out/ar-AAa8yo3#page=1

You may want to read this if for no other reason than to save your life.

This is a hot topic these days as we Boomers continue to age in spite of our best efforts to deny it.

I know. I still toss my AARP notices.

Now that we’ve cleared that up, I have been in the gym my entire adult life.

I eat right, get enough rest, have varied interests and passions, including a love life. Most psychiatrists would agree that this constitutes a balanced existence. You may want to reconfirm this with yours.

But maintaining a balanced existence is kind of like maintaining an aquarium. it requires a constant set of variables. If one falters, they all do.

In a human context, let’s use working out of as an example.

If I take one week off, it takes me three weeks to get back to where I was. In this sense, it’s unforgiving. You have to stay on the wheel to keep reaping the benefits. Walk away for a few days and you’re back to square one.

This alone is enough to incite many to throw in the towel for good, but the problems resulting from this decision are far worse than abandoning the hamster wheel.

I might also add at this juncture that the “wheel” is far more addictive than it sounds lest you think I’m knocking a kick-ass workout.

With this in mind, here are a few downsides to stopping:

1] Blood Pressure Soars: Blood pressure is almost always higher on the days you don’t exercise. In fact, within a month, you back to square one as if you’d never exercised a day in your life.

2] Blood Sugar Soars: Blood glucose rises after you eat, then drops as your muscles and other tissues suck up the sugar they need for energy. But after five days of slothfulness, your post-meal blood sugar levels remain elevated.

3] You’re Out of Breath: Within two weeks of avoiding the gym, your VO2 max—a measure of fitness that assesses how much oxygen your working muscles can use—decreases by as much as 20%.

4] Your Muscles Wilt: Significant declines in muscle mass are experienced after two weeks of complete rest. What’s more, some muscle fibers actually convert from fastest-twitch type IIa to more explosive but faster-fatiguing type IIx. This can hamper your ability to sustain high-intensity efforts.

5] You Fatten Up: Within about a week, your muscles lose some of their fat-burning potential and your metabolism slows down.

6] Your Brain Flatlines : Though human evidence is limited, rat studies presented at a recent Society for Neuroscience conference suggest animals that stop moving for just a week grow fewer new brain cells and do worse on maze tests than those who stick to a steady wheel-running routine.

SUMMARY

The six line items above are all backed up with research you’ll find in the report. While I’m not personally involved in the studies, I can certainly attest to their findings.

If you don’t work out on a regular basis, your body will begin to look and feel like a war zone before you’ve ordered your last Margarita on a 10-day – sit on your butt and watch the seagulls – jaunt to Tahiti.

No matter how much money you have at your disposal, or how much hair you have left on your head, without a consistent health regimen, you’ll be dead long before you’re buried.

 

 

 

 

 

Middle-Aged Men and Double Lives, Explored.

goldfinger460

http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/news/uk/article4295037.ece

Whether it’s a struggling college student in Washington, D.C. trying to make ends meet, or a “manageable” pill problem no one needs to know about, double lives can be a full time job for the older man of means.

With a middle class in America on life support, and article after article telling young people that in order to become really rich you have to start out really rich, you can see how things can become demoralizing after a while. 

Advertising flaunts the lavish lifestyles of the rich and famous at every turn, and the fact shows like The Kardashians are among America’s favorite “reality” pastimes, you can see where the average person might feel like a civilian in a war they can’t win.

Okay, so this is the playing field.

Enter the affluent and entitled middle-aged man with time on his hands and penchant for youth, and beauty and a new market is born.

In this world everything one might imagine is usually the norm.

“Michael” has been married to the same woman for 20 years. They have 3 kids in college. At 55 he’s proven all he needs to prove to himself and the world around him. He’s been financially successful, sits on corporate and charitable boards, and is a member in good standing of a prestigious country club. What more of life could one ask?

A lot.

“Michael” is bored. He wants more out of life. But more of what?

Excitement.

He wants to feel “alive” again. He wants the higher highs, the ones that kept him motivated and in the saddle all these years.

So he stumbles around a bit.

He tries to retire, but that doesn’t work because boredom – and that sense of irrelevance – start creeping into the subconscious until he’s ready to climb out of his skin.

So he goes back to work, but still finds holes in the plaster. There’s got to be more. This can’t be all that’s left of what once was.

It’s time for an assessment.

NOTE [s]:

1] This mental process is uncommon among ordinary men.

2] However, it is quite common among politicians, athletes, entertainers, high-octane suits, and other libidinous creatures, otherwise known as men who expect more because they feel entitled to more.

Using #2 as a template for this brief discussion, it doesn’t stretch the imagination to understand why playing life close to the vest is endemic to success in any and all endeavors.

In this sense, business and pleasure overlap and what we see are happily married men with mistresses in luxury apartments in other cities, for example.

They do not consider this cheating.

In their minds, its like a tax credit for providing their wives with high-end lifestyles they would not otherwise experience.

So it’s a win-win.

This level of compartmentalization is common among high-functioning sociopaths, who did not climb to the top being kind and compassionate.

With this as a backdrop, one can easily see that certain psychological profiles lead to certain behaviors, which is why criminal profilers who hunt homicidal sociopaths might open a division just for affluent older men who lead double lives.

While they don’t dump bodies along lonely stretches of freeway, they drop souls all over the place.

 

Jimmy Page [71] Dating Scarlett Sabet [25]

jimmypagepoet_zps96635d0b

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2915901/Led-Zeppelin-heyday-girlfriend-14-limos-young-groupies-middle-class-girl-25-fallen-71-year-old-Jimmy-Page.html

Okay, so it’s pile-on time once again as a senior celeb takes a young lover; in this case Jimmy Page and Scarlett Sabet.

Why does this bother people so much? Why do people care? It’s their lives. They live them as they see fit. Both are consenting adults and neither appears to be complaining. if something goes way south as is common with most relationships, age-relevant or otherwise, they can split up and start over. But for reasons that TMZ, Daily Mail and every other celebrity news outlet in the world know all too well, “never pass up a story about an older man dating [or marrying] a much younger woman!”

See, what makes these stories so interesting to me is not that Page and Sabet are dating [or whatever], but that news outlets bait readers with stories they know will inspire controversy, no matter that they are merely two consenting adults having a nice time together.

Jimmy Page is an outlier.

In the world of rock music, his contribution was a game changer, legendary. He has everything a young woman might find – at the very least – interesting.

If there is a downside to such a union, it is that he will, in all probability, die long before her.

And if that’s the story, it’s called scraping for news because all relationships are tenuous at best.

At least in this case, the commodities appear evenly distributed.

Had it been back in the day, Ms. Sabet would have been standing in a long line…

d16ad6417f400ff5c86fbe73be1be

 

Healthy Diets Should Not Be Rocket Science

23ornish-blog427

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/23/opinion/the-myth-of-high-protein-diets.html

Dean Ornish recently published an OP-ED piece in the New York Times titled “The Myth of High-Protein Diets,” in which he extolled the virtues of a whole foods, plant-based diet.

It bears noting that Mr. Ornish is also a member of the University of California, San Francisco nonprofit, Preventive Medicine Research Institute, which promotes the belief that livestock production is the leading cause of global warming.

With this in mind, it’s not a stretch to assume that he and his colleagues have a vested interest in keeping you out of steakhouses, which further confuses an already information-weary public.

Making matters worse, on the same day MSN published a headlining article promoting the top sandwich shops in America, all of them beef intensive!

http://www.msn.com/en-us/foodanddrink/foodnews/america%E2%80%99s-25-best-chain-sandwich-shops/ss-BBh0Jvs

For God’s sake, get your stories straight already.

……………….

I was talking to my trainer yesterday about the latest diet trends, and he said rather matter-of factly:

“Discussions about what to eat or not to eat will be going on for the rest of our lives…”

So I asked several other trainers the same question and received similar responses. These guys spend their entire lives thinking about this stuff because they’re expected to know more than the general public, and even they’re conflicted.

With this in mind, here are some general guidelines I follow, and they seem to work:

1] Based on the way I train [powerlifting], I know that I absolutely, positively need a good source of healthy protein. Proteins are the building blocks of lean muscle tissue, and because they break down more slowly than simple carbohydrates, consumption also helps when dieting down. I avoid all processed meats. In other words, I stay out of Stop-n-Go unless I’m buying water. I buy grass-fed meats from places like Whole Foods, which are ten times the price of Wal-Mart – but in the long run – 100 times less expensive than hospital visits. Purchase only lean cuts of grass fed meat, chicken breast, egg whites, canned white fish, and salmon. My shakes, by the way, are made with whey protein.

3] Unless you’re running marathons every 5 minutes, stay away from breads, pastas, white rice and other simple carbohydrates. The spikes in sugar result in hypoglycemic crashes followed by distended bellies. If you must eat some form of bread, try Ezekiel brand, which has a lower glycemic count.

4] Hydrate. Most older men lose their sense of thirst due to reduced kidney function, so ignore your body and drink heavily.

5] I eat lost of fruits and colorful vegetables. They don’t taste as good as Southern fried chicken, but the way they make you feel is something you learn to appreciate fast.

6] A little low fat cheese is fine, but understand that the majority of your fats should come from foods like olive oil, avocados, macadamias, walnuts and pine nuts and almonds.

7] I usually have a glass of wine and fruit in the evenings. Eating is not always a pain in the ass, just most of the time. but like I said, it’s about how proper nutrition makes you look and feel.

8] Some people allow themselves “cheat” meals, but I have found that my body can no longer tolerate heavy, greasy food, so I avoid them altogether.

9] I take multivitamins, as well as supplement with omega-3 fatty acid-rich fish oil, vitamin D and one mini-aspirin [Bayer].

10] I rest and recover no matter how long that takes. I never go to the gym depleted. It’s counterproductive, and often, an injury magnet.

11] I try to avoid toxic stress at any and all costs. There’s both good and bad stress. You can Google it.

12] The moment you start weighing your food, you need psychiatric help. Just follow the basic guidelines and you’ll be fine.

OVERVIEW

Health and fitness are synonymous. You can’t have one without the other. In other words, you can’t just eat right and expect to stay healthy. You must also stay physically active to reap the rewards. Using the 12-steps above [no puns], I add 6 days of exercise to my regimen: 3 days of heavy resistance and agility training [1 hour], and 3 days of cardio, foam rolling and stretching [1 hour]. If you think this is a lot to give, ask yourself how much time you spend in front of the television and generally speaking it should answer your question. 

Understand also that there will be resistance to your efforts to stay fit, most often from those who aren’t.

An older gentleman at my gym told me that his Internist asked him why he lifted weights. His exact words went something like this: “At your age, are you trying to be a bodybuilder or something?” When I asked the man to describe the physical condition of said physician, his description said it all. Projection is common amongst older physicians who should be kicking your ass to stay fit. Instead, they dispense advice based upon their own sedentary lifestyles. This means you’ll need to find a physician who gets it, along with a new healthier group of friends who will help keep you on track.

I never said it was going to be easy, but the solutions are hardly rocket science.