Rise of the “Kidult”

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“Kidult” [Wiki]: In the early 21st century, there was reporting that for an adult to have interests traditionally expected only from children is not necessary an anomaly. The entertainment industry was quick to recognize the trend, and introduced a special category, “kidult,” of things marketable for kids and adults alike. Enormous successes of films such as Shrek and Harry Potter, of books traditionally targeted for teenagers and the fact that Disneyland is among the world’s top adult (without kids) vacation destinations seem to indicate that “kidulthood” is a rather mainstream phenomenon. And unlike puer aeternus, “rejuveniles” successfully marry adult responsibilities with non-adult interests. When Christopher Noxon appeared on The Colbert Report on June 29, 2006, he remarked that “There’s a big difference between childish and childlike”.

~~~

“Normal” people look at guys like me and wonder what happened?

“Is he ever going to grow up?”

“Why is he not out-of-shape?”

“Why doesn’t he have an age-appropriate girlfriend? Is he intimidated by women his own age?”

“Is the young woman in his home a gold-digger, or did her father not love her enough?”

“Why doesn’t he have children?”

“Is he too selfish, narcissistic and self-absorbed to share his life with others?”

“Why doesn’t he dress more conservatively like other men his age?”

“Why does he dress like that?”

“Why doesn’t he think like we do?”

“Why is he trying to be 20 all over again?”

Oh lord, I could go on…

~~~

To be perfectly honest with you, I have always been this way.

For one thing, I have always been my own man.

I worked for myself, set my own schedule, led my own life.

All I had to do was be good at what I did, treat my clients well, and pay a CPA to keep me out of jail.

After a while the freedom and independence this afforded me became part of my identity.

The lifestyle made me more resilient, self-reliant. Those acquired attributes are just part of the process of independence.

And while it hasn’t always been easy, the pay-off covered the periodic turbulence–10-fold.

To all the men my age who continue to live life as fully–and intensely–as we did back in the day, congratulations.

You’ve officially earned a legion of haters who wish they had the balls to have done exactly the same thing.

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

~ e.e. cummings

~~~

For more reading on this topic, the following article by Robert Firestone Ph.D. is illuminating.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-human-experience/201306/six-aspects-being-adult

~~~

FURTHER SUGGESTED READING

http://bigthink.com/errors-we-live-by/the-death-of-adulthood-rise-of-kidults

~~~

jayoffice

Typical habitat of the “Kidult.”

Mine…

The Midlife Assessment Game, Revisited

1382848_10201837401030299_996760921_nMe at 17ish…

We can’t go back.

We can’t be back where were were and describe it with any degree of accuracy.

It didn’t happen yesterday. Or last week.

The truth is, the farther away we are the more we make up…or attempt to fill in the blanks in order to render a coherent sketch.

Sometimes it’s to cover wounds.

Other times it’s to exaggerate successes.

But mostly it’s to make sense of things we are no longer in a place in time to understand.

~~~

I was a natural born athlete, but I never had a passion for any particular sport.

I liked playing football with my friends, but never wanted to suit up and practice as a member of a team.

It was too demanding, regimented.

The same was true of swimming, tennis, bike riding, skiing.

Again, in my own time, my own way.

I was one of those kids who had talent for a lot of things, none in particular.

A jack of all trades.

Whatever I did end up doing with my life I would have to work hard to master.

So what was it going to be?

I certainly didn’t want to live my life with the “coulda woulda shoulda” virus in my veins, taunting me until I died of cirrhosis.

So I tried everything I was good at to see what stuck.

As a teenager I liked playing electric guitar, but I wasn’t passionate enough about it to practice 12 hours a day, nor was I born with a natural song writing ability.

My neighbor, Harry Connick, Jr., was an entirely different story. God wrote his name on a piano and that was that.

Most of us aren’t so lucky. We have to stumble around to figure it out.

Then I tried my hand at acting, and though I managed to work, I still wasn’t passionate enough about it to stomach rejection, so I moved on.

Then one day I picked up a camera and something happened.

It felt natural, like it was supposed to be there…kind of like writing, which I have always done in an effort to make sense of things.

Combining the two led me to where I am today.

I guess I did okay.

I have always been most passionate about finding my true calling in life.

If anything, this was my salvation, my gift.

A lot of guys I know did whatever paid the bills, and now they look back and wonder what the hell happened to their lives.

But the truth is they did exactly what they were supposed to do.

Accepting this is the key to winning the midlife assessment game.

but nobody wants to hear it because they’re still convinced they were destined to become rock stars, novelists, actors, and/or celebrity chefs before the went into the insurance business. 

To Manscape or Not to Manscape?

94c45a659b724416d56652a59badb3e1Brian Viner for Daily Mail

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3148986/Wax-away-hairy-man-chest-Brian-Viner-gave-try.html

In my urban slice of the socioeconomic pie, manscaping is considered normal maintenance for older men.

But this does require some degree of qualification: Vain-ish older men.

Not pathologically vain, but vain within reason in large metropolitan circles.

Appearance is survival in these places – for both men and women.

When I was a young man I had chest hair.

Of course, it was also the 80’s, so there’s that.

But when you’re in your 20’s, chest hair also ends to behave.

It grows in certain areas, but not in others.

It’s not invasive.

A little brown tuft in the middle of one’s chest is fine.

But as we age it starts to spread like influenza in what I assume is a last ditch effort to remind us of our primordial genesis, which helps prepare us for death.

But vain men don’t want to die anymore than women want to ditch their plastic surgeons.

So we fight back.

Brian Viner [above] is NOT what most men in my world look like…with or without the chest hair.

Appearance is not high on his list of priorities.

Why this is I don’t know.

Some men just don’t care, which is why they find others just like themselves.

Together, they live in gated suburban communities.

This is one reason he looks ridiculous without chest hair.

If my chest looked like that I wouldn’t shave it either.

The more hair, the more coverage. Great.

But for men who take pride in their appearances, the last thing they want is an unattended lawn.

I can’t even remember the last time I saw one of these guy, to be honest with you.

It’s not that I don’t see chest hair. I do.

But it’s “good” chest hair. Clustered, trimmed and even.

The rest either shave it off, or have it lasered by one of the 20,000,000 salons on every street corner in Houston.

For the guys who opt to maintain – rather than rid – the one thing no one in their right mind does is parade around with hair on their backs.

In some zip codes it’s considered a class 3 misdemeanor.

In mine it’s a felony.

Here is Mr. Viner’s back, and why he would be doing community service around here:

waxing brian viner john godwin before back)

I know, it’s horrific.

But this is considered normal, again, in some circles…not mine.

People just don’t walk around like this unless they have some psychiatric disability.

But allow me to point out [yet again] that Mr. Viner’s back is also soft and out of shape, which further reflects his lack of concern for appearance, and thus, the need for him to find refuge in insulated culture groups.

I always go back to this point because in America there are two distinctly different worlds:

One is Urban, the other rural and/or suburban.

Each have their own set of values.

And while some men work in big cities, they always go back to where they came from to avoid jail time.

There’s an upside to everything.

To close, the photograph below is what older men in my world consider normal:

Male Grooming Arnold Ferrier Laura Swithern Photo Bill Morton

13 Reasons Why Older Men Should “Lift Heavy.”

375655_447264485296631_1188621092_n1http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/12/benefits-of-lifting-weights_n_6432632.html

As we get older, the more muscle mass we have, the less likely we are to die prematurely…or suffer clinical depression, which is worse.

The article offers the following bullet points, which I will elaborate on here:

1] You’ll live longer.

According to 2014 research from UCLA, “the greater your muscle mass, the lower your risk of death.”

Unfortunately, most physicians tell their older patients to moderate their activities to avoid injury rather than challenge themselves.

This is ass backwards.

If you DON”T lift heavy, you are guaranteed to injure yourself just getting out of bed.

2] You’ll sleep better.

When your body is tired it needs rest. The more physically exhausted, the more rest.

It’s a simple equation.

People who don’t exercise tend to wake up all hours of the night wondering what happened to their lives.

3] You feel better about your life.

When you accomplish something you never thought possible, you get a corresponding shot of self-esteem.

If you keep believing you can’t this or that simply because you’re older, injury will find you.

Take what your body will give you.

You’ll soon learn it has a lot more to give than you thought.

4] Protect the bones.

The heavier you lift, the more bone density you create.

Stop lifting and you’re just a blood sac waiting to explode.

5] Maintain balance [literally].

If you want to prevent falls resulting in things like broken hips – the death knell of the aging – combine strength training, flexibility and balancing exercises.

Among older men I know, the only way to stay in the game of life is to stay in the gym.

6] Reduce anxiety and depression.

Strength training stimulates hormones, increases brain function, and relieves anxiety and depression.

If you don’t believe me, drag your ass to a gym for an intense one-hour workout and I will show you a different person.

7] Look better in clothes.

If you want to look good in clothes, you have to be able to fill them out.

Nobody likes stooped shoulders and an old man ass.

8] Burn more calories.

The more lean body mass you build, the more calories you burn just watching television.

Lifting heavy guarantees more lean mass.

9] It’s not as time-consuming as you think.

Runners do the least amount of strength training, which is why I don’t recommend endurance running to anyone.

You end up looking like crap and you’re as weak as matchstick.

Having said this, strength training an hour a day, 3 days a week is what I would consider more than adequate for most Boomers.

10] It doesn’t matter where you lift, or what you lift, as long as you lift.

Body weight exercises are fine. You can do them anywhere.

But to get the benefits I’m talking about here, you have to invest in weights that challenge you beyond the push up.

11] You are more athletic.

Strength training enables the body to perform better, faster, stronger.

If you don’t believe me, take a look at all the older men who don’t train at all and get back to me.

12] You heart will thank you.

Cardio isn’t the only form of exercise that benefits the heart.

In some cases, strength training has been shown to to be as effective as statin drugs.

13] Reject aging.

When people say age is a state of mind, they’re referring to healthy adults.

If you let yourself fall apart, you will argue the previous point.

SUMMARY

Strength training is the primary weapon against aging.

If you commit yourself to a fitness lifestyle that includes heavy resistance training, you can avoid many of the pitfalls of aging that all sedentary people experience prematurely.

From the muscle-fat connection [higher metabolic rate], to osteoporosis prevention, to a decrease in arthritic pain, to glucose metabolism improvement, to better mental health – heavy weight training is as close as human beings come to a fountain of youth.

Of course, you also have to eat right, get enough rest, drink in moderation, and do all the other things necessary to keep the ball rolling without killing yourself in the process.

No wonder so many people are obese.

article-2314353-1300CABA000005DC-95_634x403

“Dad Bod” is the Key to Invisibility [Irony, Notwithstanding]

robfat2A “normal” overweight 59 year old male. 205 lbs and 5.11″ BMI is 28.6 or just under Obese at 30.

Master-OHScott Olson, winner of the Masters 60+ division of the 2014 CrossFit Games!!!

jay60This is me, a fit 59 year old male. 6’1″ and 230 lbs. 14% body fat – and drug free!

No Testosterone supplementation.

No HGH.

No Anabolic Steroids.

Just hard work and discipline.

I’ll explain why men in my demographic would rather put a bullet in their heads than look like the first guy.

~~~

OVERVIEW

There are certain areas of the country where looking “normal” is considered normal.

While traveling during my years as a professional photographer, I noticed fat farms mostly in small communities, where having a 400–pound wife was considered a “bigger bang for the buck,” and husbands with pregnant guts were simply men of “healthy appetites.”

Needless to say, this mindset insured that everyone stayed out of shape…and home where they belonged.    

SIDE NOTE

There are smaller cities like New Orleans where a daily diet of fried foods and vodka-martini nightcaps are indicators of “healthy lifestyle choices.”

It’s among a few places in America where alcoholism and type 2 diabetes are considered a normal part of the aging process.

In places like Houston and Los Angeles [to name just a couple], being grossly overweight – or overweight at all – is unacceptable.

The only obese people I ever see are suffering a psychiatric disability or some form of head trauma.

Note: Our version of obesity is anorexia, which is considered acceptable in big cities.

Digressions aside, obese people are often heard using the “thyroid” argument to justify [or explain] their conditions, but it’s usually dismissed because everyone already knows from TV that POW’s with thyroid problems are still rail thin.

The only people who get away with obesity are billionaires who spend all their time around hookers who find them irresistible.

ANOTHER RELATED NOTE

It is common to see suburban daughters of obese men lovin’ on their dad bods.

But the innuendo is demeaning, not that anyone openly acknowledges it because the fading dad feels loved – while the daughter, worshiped.

It’s a simple equation.

Everything in its right place in time.

I’m young + you’re old = my girlfriends are off limits.

CONCLUSION

When you enter your 50’s, the first thing you start hearing about is how you need to slow down, moderate your physical activity.

After all, you don’t want to risk “injuring your back.”

Of course, it’s the other way around, as anyone who works out hard eventually learns.

Then we’re hammered with TV ads stereotyping us as feeble and resigned.

I can’t count the number of actors in pharmaceutical ads who play Pillsbury Dough Boys on golf courses in the company of matronly “wives” who look like they could play stand-in for their mothers.

This is NOT reality as I know it, and it shouldn’t be for you.

Don’t accept the defeatist mantra that sucks you into the BIG PHARMA bandwagon before your time.

Fire physicians who tell you to slow down when you have no reason to do so other than fear.

Burn your golf shirts and pleated khakis and get under some weights.

Old age is decades away. Your time isn’t up.

If anything, it’s a new beginning. A new chapter. New rules of engagement.

Your life doesn’t end just because the calendar says your time came and went.

If that’s the case, you’ve got a lot of time ahead of you to be miserable.

If that’s what you want, go for it.

Remember: It’s a choice, not a physical reality.

The sooner you wake up with this mantra in your head, the sooner you’ll be doing wall-balls and push-ups at 78.

I know quite a few men like this who could kick your sorry asses to the curb.

ACCEPT NOTHING UNTIL YOU’RE DEAD, then you can come to terms with certain limitations.

Now that the Gay Marriage Hurdle Has Cleared, It’s Time We Accept May-December Relationships.

1A24E81D00000578-2909179-image-m-2_1421585916999Ronnie Wood, 67, Sally Humphreys, 36

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2909179/Would-age-gap-romance-Stephen-Fry-marries-man-30-years-junior-FEMAIL-examines-pros-cons-Hollywood-s-inter-generational-relationships.html

I’ve been in a May-December relationship for the past 4 1/2 years.

Like other relationships over the course of my lifetime, it has its ups and downs.

The fact that my girlfriend is, let’s just say, decades younger does not mean that I’m hoarding a slave, manipulating and controlling a psychiatric outpatient, or buying pills for a dependent drug addict. 

It may be the other way around, but I digress.

I’m in a relationship with someone much younger than myself because someone I happened to find attractive felt the same way.

There are so many misconceptions to blatant prejudice based upon ignorance and/or projection tied to insecurity, mostly on the part of older women who consider this sort of thing a sacrilege, and therefore, grounds for open season.

But as you’ll see, I’ve also dated “age-appropriate.”

When I was 18 years old, my girlfriend was 17, and yet we still broke up after a couple of months!

When I was 28, my girlfriend was 19. We lasted a year and a half.

By the time I reached 45, my 30-year-old girlfriend and I lasted two and a half years!

As you can see, there was clearly a correlation between age disparity and perpetuity.

As the article points out, guys like me never feel our age, so maybe we all come to a place of acceptance where we learn to embrace who we really are, and allow ourselves to be hunted down like dogs and held hostage by beautiful young women.

You can think of it as a disability if it makes you feel better.

Do I feel exploited? Yes.

Have my urges obliterated all semblance of reason? Yes.

Am I complaining? No.

I’ve learned that how I feel inside my skin eventually manifests externally.

Thus, I’m still in my 20’s along with my girlfriend.

Finally, I learned the true meaning of acceptance, and so should you.

Congratulations to Richard Gere [65] and Alejandra Silva [32]

rs_560x415-150623164121-1024.-richard-gere-Alejandra_Silva_copyhttps://celebrity.yahoo.com/news/richard-gere-65-cuddles-alejandra-202600712.html

As usual, the narrative is not about a celebrity dating someone new.

It’s about Richard Gere dating a woman half his age as if the guy has some friggin’ personality disorder.

If so, hats off to psychopathology.

“Aging Gracefully” is a Contradiction in Terms

article-2505071-196094E800000578-8_634x811

How does she do it?

http://celebritypost.net/christie-brinkley-plastic-surgery/

No one ages gracefully.

Just compare a well “maintained” woman of 60 with that of a dime store cashier of the same age, and it appears to be two entirely different species.

SF Chronicle columnist Rob Morse, refers to what it takes to win the battle of aging as “ritual mutilation of the wealthy.”

But regardless what he and other social critics have to say about the sad state of today’s supposedly enlightened women, no one in their right mind is going to fall apart in front of their friends if they want repeat invitations to cocktail parties and galas.

It’s kind of like not owning the right shoes and handbags, for God’s sake.

Of course, unlike like shoes and handbags, the old mantra “you can never have too many” doesn’t work as well on the operating table.

Profile of an Aging Narcissist

267F78B400000578-2987928-image-a-14_1425989387429Socialite Fraudster Edward Davenport [Google him]

When you’re young and beautiful, the world can kiss your ass.

You have nothing to prove that isn’t already obvious, which is plenty enough.

But as you get older and your sense of self-worth [as a man] is tied largely to your lifelong accomplishments [including the ones in your own head], the prospect of fading “relevance” becomes terrifying.

Now what?

This juncture marks the onset of what I refer to as the narcissists crucible, “a place of occasion or test of severe trial” where anything can, and usually will manifest in order to keep the boat from sinking like a jackhammer.

Note: The following is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event. It just seems like it does.

My name is Aristotle “Ari” Lazarov of Monaco, and I am a clinical narcissist. My 5th wife, Christina, is my enabler. Together we have 12 children.

Note: What I narcissists would admit so I wouldn’t have to run an intervention on their delusions.

I have a wonderful relationship with all my ex-wives because it behooves social climbers to keep their mouths shut.

Needless to say, they have nothing to stand on without party invitations, and therefore, everything to lose.

Note:  He should know. 

I am an extraordinarily good-looking man in spite of my age [which changes every 5 minutes, or just stays where it is for years at a time].

Note: Narcissists never fail to compliment themselves.

I dine at the right restaurants, drive the right cars, belong to the right clubs, know the right people, and wear acceptable designer apparel recognized by people who know and appreciate the finer things in life.

Note: He never wears anything that people who host photo-op-worthy cocktail parties and fundraisers might find distasteful, since party invitations are the lifeblood of his existence.

I stay in top physical condition through regular workouts with my personal trainer. I also maintain healthy eating habits, and take herbal testosterone that replenishes everything stolen by age, about which I remain in denial. 

Note: It’s a simple equation, really.

I have a home in Houston, an apartment in NYC, and a family compound outside Paris.

Note: Doesn’t everyone?

The other specifics of my life are up to you and your imagination. If I’ve been successful, you’ll imagine big.

Note: The narcissist stays light on the details and heavy on innuendo to keep the fantasies alive long after death, which is just as important as life in most cases. 

~~~

My name is Christina Lazarov, wife to my handsome and successful husband, Aristotle.

Note: I’m an enabler, remember?

Whatever my last name used to be is irrelevant because my life back then was irrelevant […not that it doesn’t haunt me in the middle of the night when I remember feeling something rather than nothing at all]. 

Note: This is something she should have broached in therapy, but because therapists lean in the direction of healing, she found a Pilates instructor.

Now my world is glamorous [pretentious], transcendent [privileged], and blissful [spaced-out], as everyone who’s anyone knows.

Note: Reflection [aka external affirmation] is heroin to any Stepford Wife with a working knowledge of the Devil’s Crossroads.

SUMMARY

1] Aging narcissist-socialites attend parties for the photo ops, not for the charities themselves.

In fact, many of them don’t even know the charities they’re attending, given the number of stops one must make on a particular night, particularly during cultural season.

“Oh is this the Opera gala? Of course it is!”

2] Old money doesn’t want the publicity.

New money can’t live without it.

Note the outrageously expensive and pretentious automobiles cars lined up in perfect formation in front of gold digging establishments.

Money is thrown around like party favors. Think of it as a carbon credit for people who don’t know better.

3] The aging narcissist sits on the fence between old and new, driving cars that are expensive, but not pretentious.

Wearing clothing that is stylish, but not trendy and/and garish.

And generally behaving in a manner reflective of sophistication and cultural maturity, in spits of the fact that it’s a ruse.

In this sense, they’re the lowest of the low because no one has any idea who they really are, including themselves.

I could go on.

Back to the Future

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Clint Eastwood, happy 85th

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William Shatner, happy 84th

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The man you now know as “Raymond Reddington,” happy 55th

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Chevy Chase, happy 71st

enhanced-buzz-32285-1342373764-0Gary Oldham, happy 57th


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Robert Redford, happy 78th

 

enhanced-buzz-17934-1342378691-2Martin Sheen, happy 74th

 

enhanced-buzz-11135-1342378579-0Jeff Bridges, happy 65th

 

1930807_1053689856082_8772_nJay Rusovich [me], happy 59th

~~~

When I was growing up this is what these guys looked like, myself included.

We no longer look this way, but it’s important to note that all of us travel through life in the same progression.

We all know what youth looked and felt like, because at one time, we were also maladjusted teenagers pulling figure-8’s on someone’s golf course in the middle of the night.

I bring this up also because in spite of the fact that youth is still a middle-aged man’s most precious commodity, I never appreciated it until it was gone.

Now I pay through the teeth for it.