Post Category → sex

Sex After 50: The Skinny on “Just Doing It”

The-Proven-Secret-to-a-Healthy-Active-Sex-Life-After-50_1

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/02/sex-after-50_n_3653328.html?

Waning sexual performance is one of aging’s cruelest jokes.

We travel through adolescence into young adulthood armed [or burdened with] with sexual impulses that would make any garden variety psychopath proud.

At this juncture in life we are the most physically resilient and sexually motivated. Our bodies are wired to conquer and populate, our minds to dream big and run on 4 hours of sleep.

Then we age and everything falls out of balance.

Centuries ago we would have been dead by now, or babbling old soothsayers people compensated with dry biscuits in exchange for sage advice on how to kill yourself before you ended up like them.

Enter the 21st century and the once deceased 50-60-year-old men are now running the planet, which would not be possible without radical advances in medical science.

Science is an older man’s best friend, because no matter how fastidious we are about physical maintenance, the ravages of time will exact that pound of flesh without help from the outside.

The things we are biologically wired to do are the same things we steadfastly refuse to do, so it’s now a battle between human beings and biological destiny.

For example, we are supposed to be less interested in sex as we age because we are less able to physically protect and care for our young.

But this is not 20,000 BC. These days, we have housekeepers.

This is one example of how we balance the attrition.

Another discussion point is that we are no longer “adventurous” sexually because we aren’t controlled by a tsunami of  sex hormones. But most people I know consider this a blessing. After all, there’s a difference between a good sex life and a conviction for lewd exposure in a parking lot at age 55.

Then there’s less frequency, but sex is always less frequent when you’re in a long term relationship no matter what anyone tells you to the contrary. There is no way to maintain that level of eroticism if you also require a coherent conversation.

Some have even even further to suggest that sex does not even necessarily have to involve intercourse and orgasm, but in relationships I’ve known, there is no sex without both.

Of course, if you’re a sedentary age-relevant couple of 60, you’re probably fine with a handshake and glass of wine over history books.

Note: Many older people like history because it reminds them of how young they are relative to people like Julius Caesar. 

But what happens if the man is 60 and the woman 40?

The answer is simple: Sex must involve intercourse and orgasm, which a combination of hormone replacement and erectile medications will mitigate in a heartbeat.

So science to the rescue for both men and women.

The lesson here is that things change as we age, but there are solutions that didn’t exist not long ago. In this sense, we are blessed to be able to live as we never have for as long as we have.

Our job is to maintain our physical health and take advantage of everything science has to offer.

Now you know one reason why  [and how] affluent urban men represent the lion’s share of inter-generational relationships.

Dating at Middle Age – It’s Still a Man’s World

20B6B19C00000578-2845186-Rising_popularity_Tinder_is_increasingly_being_used_by_middle_ag-20_1416655218668There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind. Patrick Rothfuss.

…………..

http://omgchronicles.vickilarson.com/2014/01/15/dating-at-middle-age-why-bother/

There are no shortages of women-run “advice” sites extolling the virtues of older women and the men who just can’t wait to date them.

Most, if not all, of this is wishful thinking – or a marketing ploy – designed to drum up web hits from an audience of older women who feel invisible in a world that values youth and beauty before other qualities.

These sites claim that older women are simply more selective than younger men and women, which is why it’s harder for them to find partners.

This is true.

If I were a 50 or 60-year-old woman expecting to find a fit, handsome and highly successful man my age to date and marry, I’d have to be out of my mind.

Most men who fit that description are looking at women in their 20’s, 30’s and maybe, early 40’s.

But like I said, the narrative is good for attracting female readers looking for a glimmer of hope in what appears to be an existential nightmare because it is an existential nightmare.

As I cover in my new book, Urban Dystrophy, the biggest problem women face is the delusion that such men have reached a stage in life where they look beyond the physical, which is about as ridiculous as it sounds no matter what you hear to the contrary.

Most of these men have already been married and are now statistics in the “gray divorce” pile up.

They said “I do” in their 20’s, went on to build a family and career, made a ton of money, and are now bored and entitled.

What they want this time around is NOT the older woman they divorced, but the one they married back when they got married.

They want to start all over again at 50 or 60 with someone reflective of their accomplishments.

Now you know the origin of the term: Trophy Wife.

But for most men I know, it’s far more complex.

In addition to the trophy aspects of the woman they also want someone they can converse with, share a mutual understanding, and love.

Older women often refer to this as man’s delusion, but for the more self-actualized among us, this is simply not the case.

While our accomplishments tend to precede us, there are no shortages of younger women waiting in line to date, live with, and ultimately, marry us.

That’s a lot to ask of a younger woman just starting out in life, to be perfectly frank.

And while some of them are grifters and psychopaths, many, many more are everything but.

In the end, it’s not that older men don’t didn’t find women their age interesting. It’s that they are simply not physically attracted to them.

Note: Most successful older women I personally know either date – and underwrite – much younger men, or they sleep alone. 

Thankfully, women are better adapted to single-hood as evidenced by their ability to bond with other women in ways that men find difficult, if not impossible.   

In this sense we both win. Count your blessings.

Older Men and Their Obsession with “Packaging”

Man-with-two-women-in-bik-008

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/feb/21/why-are-older-men-looking-at-women-half-their-age

Not all men are superficial.

I have actually known a few in their 50’s and 60’s who chose women their own age [within 5 years].

A few. Not many.

Most of them fell into the following categories:

1] Passive men lacking in ambition and drive who find emotional fulfillment in the company of powerful mother figures who do the driving for them. 

2] Men with average to low libidos seeking travel companions.

3] Men who feign interest in such women because they look good on paper, but end up with women half their age because they look better in the flesh.

4] Normal, well adjusted men who would never consider dating anyone outside of their own age demographic because they live in the same psychological box they grew up in.

5] Budding serial killers looking for an older, submissive companion who will blend in with the neighborhood and stay out of the shed.       

6] Men who have been married to the same women for decades and don’t see the changes as profoundly as they would had they met them on a Match date yesterday.

7] Men who genuinely love their wives too much to leave them, mistresses notwithstanding.

Understand that what gets people to where they are in life tends also to drive every other aspect of their life.

As I “testified” in my soon-to-be-released book, Urban Dystrophy, The Perverse Truths About Mid-Life in the Big City, there is nothing more powerful, no greater human commodity in the mind of a driven and successful older man, than youth and beauty.

Now you know the true crucible of older women.

Fortunately, due to the resiliency of gender adaptation, women are able to emotionally bond with others of their gender, enabling them to outlive their male counterparts by several years.

In this sense, we both win.

POSTSCRIPT

I remembered bookmarking this article from last month’s Huffington Post, and thought it would dovetail nicely with the narrative of this discussion. In it, Eva Mendes claims that the leading cause of divorce is “sweatpants.” If I may, I think that what Ms. Mendes was trying to say is that men

are visual first, human second.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/19/eva-mendes-sweatpants_n_6902570.html

 

Urban Dystrophy [Digital Version] Available on Amazon this week!

Screen Shot 2015-03-29 at 12.24.31 PM copyLAUNCH DATE FOR DIGITAL VERSION ANNOUNCED ON MAY, 2015!

PRINT VERSION TO FOLLOW.

From Urban Dystrophy:

“You get back what others think you’re worth, not what you think you’re worth. And unless you can afford not to care, you better care. With practice, you’ll be able to determine your own relative value so you’re not disappointed by things you thought you deserved, but didn’t for reasons you may resent, but better get used to.”

“Most middle-aged men struggling to balance acquisition of wealth with fading relevance feel like characters in an apocalypse series with recurring story arcs.”

“I compete with popular culture every day, on every level, including in my love life where it’s particularly competitive.”

“I once knew a forty-two-year-old pharmaceutical rep that kept a list of mandatory line items prospective “boyfriends” had to meet. It sat on her iPad for easy reference. If I remember correctly, the last count was 22,328.”

“Eventually we all reach a point in life where we can no longer hit on young women without also being hit on by a bouncer.”

“In the old days, men had wives and mistresses. This was considered normal. It was understood that emotional intimacy in men was a sign of weakness, and therefore, if women wanted their men to remain strong and faithful to their marriages, mistresses were necessary.”

“At middle age, the situation becomes ten times worse. Although women are decades older than they were back in college, men still measure them against their 1980 yearbook picture, which is why most of the women they date were born about that time. This same pathology manifests in the perception that men and women age at different rates, even if they technically don’t.”

“Women say blessings are counted by the number of people who give you unconditional love. But, others contend that you still die alone, and that bouncing nickels off a flawless ass is worth the blind faith in miracles.”

We’ve also produced some limited edition t-shirts, should you be interested in brandishing the narrative!

The logo below:

proofcopy

6 Things that Absolutely, Positively Happen When You Stop Working Out.

fat-vs-thin-man

http://www.msn.com/en-us/health/cardio/6-things-that-will-happen-when-you-stop-working-out/ar-AAa8yo3#page=1

You may want to read this if for no other reason than to save your life.

This is a hot topic these days as we Boomers continue to age in spite of our best efforts to deny it.

I know. I still toss my AARP notices.

Now that we’ve cleared that up, I have been in the gym my entire adult life.

I eat right, get enough rest, have varied interests and passions, including a love life. Most psychiatrists would agree that this constitutes a balanced existence. You may want to reconfirm this with yours.

But maintaining a balanced existence is kind of like maintaining an aquarium. it requires a constant set of variables. If one falters, they all do.

In a human context, let’s use working out of as an example.

If I take one week off, it takes me three weeks to get back to where I was. In this sense, it’s unforgiving. You have to stay on the wheel to keep reaping the benefits. Walk away for a few days and you’re back to square one.

This alone is enough to incite many to throw in the towel for good, but the problems resulting from this decision are far worse than abandoning the hamster wheel.

I might also add at this juncture that the “wheel” is far more addictive than it sounds lest you think I’m knocking a kick-ass workout.

With this in mind, here are a few downsides to stopping:

1] Blood Pressure Soars: Blood pressure is almost always higher on the days you don’t exercise. In fact, within a month, you back to square one as if you’d never exercised a day in your life.

2] Blood Sugar Soars: Blood glucose rises after you eat, then drops as your muscles and other tissues suck up the sugar they need for energy. But after five days of slothfulness, your post-meal blood sugar levels remain elevated.

3] You’re Out of Breath: Within two weeks of avoiding the gym, your VO2 max—a measure of fitness that assesses how much oxygen your working muscles can use—decreases by as much as 20%.

4] Your Muscles Wilt: Significant declines in muscle mass are experienced after two weeks of complete rest. What’s more, some muscle fibers actually convert from fastest-twitch type IIa to more explosive but faster-fatiguing type IIx. This can hamper your ability to sustain high-intensity efforts.

5] You Fatten Up: Within about a week, your muscles lose some of their fat-burning potential and your metabolism slows down.

6] Your Brain Flatlines : Though human evidence is limited, rat studies presented at a recent Society for Neuroscience conference suggest animals that stop moving for just a week grow fewer new brain cells and do worse on maze tests than those who stick to a steady wheel-running routine.

SUMMARY

The six line items above are all backed up with research you’ll find in the report. While I’m not personally involved in the studies, I can certainly attest to their findings.

If you don’t work out on a regular basis, your body will begin to look and feel like a war zone before you’ve ordered your last Margarita on a 10-day – sit on your butt and watch the seagulls – jaunt to Tahiti.

No matter how much money you have at your disposal, or how much hair you have left on your head, without a consistent health regimen, you’ll be dead long before you’re buried.

 

 

 

 

 

Jimmy Page [71] Dating Scarlett Sabet [25]

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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2915901/Led-Zeppelin-heyday-girlfriend-14-limos-young-groupies-middle-class-girl-25-fallen-71-year-old-Jimmy-Page.html

Okay, so it’s pile-on time once again as a senior celeb takes a young lover; in this case Jimmy Page and Scarlett Sabet.

Why does this bother people so much? Why do people care? It’s their lives. They live them as they see fit. Both are consenting adults and neither appears to be complaining. if something goes way south as is common with most relationships, age-relevant or otherwise, they can split up and start over. But for reasons that TMZ, Daily Mail and every other celebrity news outlet in the world know all too well, “never pass up a story about an older man dating [or marrying] a much younger woman!”

See, what makes these stories so interesting to me is not that Page and Sabet are dating [or whatever], but that news outlets bait readers with stories they know will inspire controversy, no matter that they are merely two consenting adults having a nice time together.

Jimmy Page is an outlier.

In the world of rock music, his contribution was a game changer, legendary. He has everything a young woman might find – at the very least – interesting.

If there is a downside to such a union, it is that he will, in all probability, die long before her.

And if that’s the story, it’s called scraping for news because all relationships are tenuous at best.

At least in this case, the commodities appear evenly distributed.

Had it been back in the day, Ms. Sabet would have been standing in a long line…

d16ad6417f400ff5c86fbe73be1be

 

Anthony Kiedis [52] Dating Wanessa Milhomem [22].

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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2998726/Anthony-Kiedis-52-takes-girlfriend-Wanessa-Milhomem-22-surfing.html

Why is this a story?

Because anything involving successful older men in the company of beautiful young women tends to fly off the shelves.

Why is this?

Because older women [and younger men] want someone to beat on for “dismissing” them.

Here’s one such comment:

“Nancy” from Washington D.C. wrote in reference to someone who said that the relationship made perfect sense…”Except that maybe he’s on a catheter when the kid is graduating from college. or worse, suffering from Alzheimer’s and trying to work out who his kid is…”

“Nancy” like others of her mindset are loath to accept the fact that age disparity may involve far more than a simple exchange of commodities. I might also add that science has repeatedly dismissed the efficacy of crystal balls, so we have no idea who will go first; or when, or how.

Life is not a linear calculation. Weird things happen along the way. Unexpected things. Nobody knows what’s around the next corner. The shoe just drops when it drops.

If Kiedis were to date a 52-year-old woman, she might drop dead tomorrow of a brain aneurism. She might also outlive him by 20 years after he got hit back a garbage truck. Then there’s the fidelity issue, as in what happens if she sleeps with another rock star while Anthony is on tour?

This is when people fall back into the “likelihood” discussion, which is fine as long as everything plays out as planned.

In this context, one must conclude that Kiedis will go first.

However, if they stay together for 10 years, that would be 2 years longer than the average marriage lasts between age-relevant couples in the United States.

Win-win.

As for raw statistics, they do bear out that large age gaps lead to higher divorce rates, but I would submit that the reason for this is because many of the people in these relationships are in them for everything BUT emotion.

How long do hookers last? An hour?

In fairness, not every woman is on board with the criticism as the following article illustrates:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/monique-honaman/shes-how-old-do-age-diffe_b_3684419.html

Some people actually understand that love is where you find it no matter what it looks like from the outside.

I am in one of these “doomed’ relationships. My live-in girlfriend of 4 years is 30 years my junior.

Does this make me feel better about myself, my masculinity, or my success in life?

No.

Would I prefer that she be closer to my age?

No. I like beautiful young objects I can kick around like a soccer ball…lol.

You critics really need to get a life.

 

Love is Hard…Even for the Open-Minded

polyamory

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gracie-x/compersion-a-polyamorous-principle-that-can-strengthen-any-relationship_b_6803868.html?ir=Weird+News&ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000022

Polyamorous relationships are kind of like two primary codependent alcoholics.

I’ve been sober 4 years, but have no tokens as testaments to my sobriety. This, I assume, is because “sex addiction” is still considered a compulsivity disorder, not an addiction.

Nonetheless, I’ve had a monogamous sexual relationship with the same woman for 4 years…and counting.

This is a first for me, quite frankly, and I’m proud of it.

If I were “off the wagon,” I’d openly support polyamorous couplings. I’d be an idiot not to.

If I were a pedophile, I’d support lowering the age of consent to like 9, or something.

We all do what enables our compulsions, addictions and/or perversions whether we choose to admit it or not.

You think the relationship between Bonnie and Clyde was a coincidence? Please.