Two-Marriage Rule the “Natural” Course Among a Certain Demographic

Al-Pacino-and-Lucila-SolaToday’s testimonial is going to infuriate a lot of people, but what I’m about to tell you is the absolute truth.

In my world, it is commonplace for young men to marry and procreate with their college sweethearts, before divorcing them once the kids are grown, money’s in the bank, and younger women are coming out of the woodwork.

This is where the Two-Marriage Rule comes into play.


When a man reaches a certain age – and level of achievement – he expects payback.

The translation of “payback” goes something like this:

Scenario One:

“I’ve done it all: Married out of college, had kids, made money…and now what? My kids are gone, I’m semi-retired and what I’m sleeping next to looks nothing like the woman I married. But I don’t want to leave my wife because I still love her, in spite of the fact that I’m not exactly thrilled about the sex. She’s also beginning to make me feel old and irrelevant. What I need is a mistress in order to keep my marriage in tact. Then I’ll have everything.”

Scenario Two:

“I’m leaving my wife for a beautiful young woman I met at an art opening, who makes me feel the way I did when I met my current wife back at Georgetown.”


In both scenarios, the theme is the same: The man wants what he once had in order to feel the way he once felt.

Neither scenario is exclusive to men, by the way.

Women often have affairs because their own physical and emotional needs are not being met, which brings me to the question of why is everyone so damn bored?


From the perspective of older men, the reasons are academic:

1] An age-appropriate wife of 50-something is not the same as an age-appropriate wife of 20-something.

In the former, the man begins to visualize tombstones.

In the former, he gets a new lease on life with 1000 times the cash.

From the perspective of older women, the reasons are more complex:

1] While age-appropriate mates in their 50’s don’t trigger existential meltdowns the way they do in men, they do trigger boredom when men begin to take their wives for granted.


The Two-Marriage Rule

For men who marry and procreate out of college, there should be an agreement between the couple that after 25 or 30 years together, the marriage is null and void.

The couple can then decide to either renew it or walk away without financial consequence, enabling the man to live with a younger woman in relative comfort for the balance of his life [and vice-verse].


Life kinda’ sucks where marriage is concerned.

No one can be everything to everyone all the time, particularly after enough of it has passed.

People get bored, and because most of us are entitled, we expect more.

On the other hand, there are couples who are willing to age gracefully, allowing time to exact its pound of flesh without a fight.

Their expectations are more balanced, and their lives a linear trajectory that reads like a novel – beginning, middle…end.

Of course, I don’t personally know any of these people, but I’m told they exist.


While older men derive vitality from beautiful young women, older women experience precisely the opposite in the company of young men.

However, women are far better at acceptance, which they encourage in one another through their uncanny ability to bond with other women.

If men were better at this both genders would experience the same longevity, with a slight advantage to men who find young women who aren’t gold-diggers.

I’ll leave you with this article from the Telegraph:

More Bad News on [Unnecessary] Testosterone Supplementation in Older Men

img_trockFrom UCSand Diego health comes more bad news on “Tes.”


I know it sucks, but aging happens.

The best we can do is [as we all know, but fail to do anyway is…]:

1] Eat healthy, balanced meals.

a] I eat 5/day.

2] Exercise regularly [particularly strength training for maximum lean mass].

a] I do 3 days of strength training and 3 days of crossfit style cardio.

3] Get plenty of rest [and recovery time between strenuous workouts]

a] I cycle my workouts to help recovery and avoid over-training.

4] Hydrate [because as we age our bodies aren’t as reliable when it comes to reminding us]

a] I have remind myself all the time to drink water! My body doesn’t tell me until it’s too late.

5] Avoid tobacco, excessive alcohol consumption and drugs – over the counter and otherwise.

a] A cigar once in a while, or wine in moderation is fine. 16 Vicodin over vodka tonics is not. 

6] Avoid stress of the toxic kind. There’s a difference between good and bad stress.

a] Bad stress is something like divorce, terminal diagnosis, or a stock market crash. Good stress is everything else.

7] Have as much sex as you’re comfortable having without stroking out, which won’t be a problem if you’re following the aforementioned guidelines.

a] I’m a huge proponent of keeping an active sex life. The endorphins alone are worth the experience, and they’re organic.

8] Stay relevant. Technology rules the earth. The very least you can learn to do is turn on a computer.

a] I’ve noticed that older men who are clueless about technology are the most dependent people I know.

9] Read, study, learn. The mind is a terrible thing to waste, but even tougher to retrain once it’s been sitting around doing nothing for long enough.

10] Maintain friendships. Women are great at this, men not so much – which is probably why we die prematurely.


Soon Everyone Will Have Steroids with Their Morning Coffee


#Dailymail ran an article a couple of years ago that stated “up to 20% of Hollywood’s leading men use PED’s [performance enhancing drugs].

Check it out for yourself:

But as everyone who works out regularly knows, the number is more like 90%, with the remaining 10% losing out to actors with “better hairlines,” which would be irrelevant had they taken the damn drugs.

Articles and website abound touting the merits of “hard work and diet” in achieving a preternatural physique.

“Yes, even you Mr. 60-year-old can look better than you did back in college with the right lifestyle choices!”

Total bullshit.

I guess no one bothered to mention the fact that eternal and youth aren’t synonymous under any circumstances.

However, if a man wants to look like the two guys in the above photograph who are well over 60 [source: Facebook’s “fitmenover50” page], steroids are the only way to achieve it.

I know you don’t want to hear this.

I also know you resent having to use facial fillers, take 300 vitamins every morning to supplement whatever time is stealing in your sleep, and avoiding anything that tastes good.

This is life in the absence of steroids.

You want a perfect physique?

You want to have a slice of pizza from time to time?

You want to train at half the intensity, half the time?

You have to take the drugs!

If not, join the mortal brigade and feel good about the fact that it’s all you.

But you won’t find yourself landing on these pages…

See, in order to get press, you have to be extraordinary.

But in the the context of fitness, extraordinary isn’t enough unless you look extraordinary, which no one who undergoes regular drug tests can achieve.

Am I getting through here?

All these self-righteous pricks who tell you they have all the dense muscle and low bodyfat by the grace of god are completely full of shit – or steroids, as the case may be.

Thick, sculpted muscle fiber combined with extremely low bodyfat on a “fit over 50” man is the very definition of S T E R O I D S.

Hell, it’s tough for a 25-year-old guy to build that kind of physique.

The reason for that is that IT’S NOT HUMANLY POSSIBLE WITHOUT DRUGS!



Like we’re idiots?

Since when did mankind evolve into super beings that don’t even remotely resemble anatomy charts?

The only “human anatomies” people reference these days can be found in department stores that sell Under Armour apparel, which uses flawlessly sculpted “giants” to sell their products.

But they are M A N N E Q U I N S!


And while some elite, and ridiculously genetically blessed, professional athletes look a lot like this, it doesn’t last long.

In the context of things human, it’s a way to sell clothing, websites…press, in general.

As we’ve all come to learn, reality is a buzzkill.

So we’ve replaced it with something more interesting – no matter what the side-effects, both physically and psychologically.

But hey, ya’ only live once, so why not?

Better to burn out than fade away.

Note: Lest you think that men are the sole users of steroids, check this out:

For those of you who are interested, the following article highlights the most popular steroids among older men:

On a final note, there’s the Anderson Cooper story, which has caught fire like everything else that involves cheating fate:

But as one commenter stated: “At 65+ you’re looking at balancing the improved quality of life with HGH vs a longer life with less quality.”

This is becoming a mantra that pretty much says it all.

Throw the bones.

Midlife Not for the Faint of Heart

51ctbFYhkWL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-v3-big,TopRight,0,-55_SX278_SY278_PIkin4,BottomRight,1,22_AA300_SH20_OU01_“Out here on the perimeter, there are no stars…” Jim Morrison

Yea, no shit.

The following is an excerpt from my new book, Urban Dystrophy, now available on Amazon.

It’s probably a familiar narrative to many of you:

“I’m sitting at a white plastic table in front of a wine bar. It’s one o’clock on a Tuesday morning and an empty parking lot is the only landscape. The streets are deserted. Most guys my age are asleep. Their time came and went, and they let go in that unconscious way most men do when their stories have been told and the end is a long, drawn-out epitaph.

But, I stayed behind, along with the rest of the itinerants of the night. I have no place to go that I haven’t already been, and nothing to do but wait and hope and sometimes pray for mercy that relevance and that one big love will one day redeem me, but it never does. Not really.

We’re beyond salvation. Most of us. There have been exceptions, but the grace is never a hundred percent and you have to make peace with that the best you can. We’re members of the bitten, the damned, the fighters against the forces of time until we no longer can. Most of us are children of narcissists, narcissists who never died because narcissists never do—they’re just recycled and the kids are left to clean up the mess.

I wonder where all the time went. Time is all I have left to make a final stand. I remember my first midlife crisis at 28. The rest is a blur. Decades came and went. Now I can’t even remember yesterday, much less last week.

Urban Dystrophy

Media Stereotypes of Older Men vs. Reality


This old fella here is probably in his mid-70’s, yet he’s cast as a man of 58.

Honestly, I’d consider addressing him as “sir,” with old man sunglasses, old man arms, and that swing thing so common among men who were either stroke victims, or in rehab for shoulder surgery. 

This notwithstanding, if he were 80, I’d say he was in great shape no matter what the tangential health issues.

Of course, I could be wrong.

He may, in fact, be 58.

If this is the case, God help him.


Here’s a recent article that appeared in

The photo caption above is the one taken from the article:

In my world, guys in th 58-62 range look more like this:


Games2012_GordMackinnon_LandscapeGord Mackinnon, crossfit athlete.

According to the article, men in the 58-62-year-old range are in transition between what’s considered middle age and senior citizen, the later of which falls on top of the 65-year-old.

Hell, you just as soon shoot yourself by these standards.

So how does a “geriatric” of 58 stay in shape?

According to the article, here are the obligatory exercises:

1] Swimming

“An enjoyable exercise that aging men who suffer from sore, achy and stiff joints [as well as muscles] commonly engage in.”


This is fine for the average man who wants to claim to be athletic, but isn’t.

Nobody I know paddles around for 30 minutes and feels any sense of accomplishment.

You have to push yourself to experience gains.

If you do 30 minutes of swimming 3x/wk, make it 30 minutes of intervals, each heat hitting hitting your 85% max heart rate.

2] Walking

“Walking is an easy exercise habit for older men to stick with…”


Am I really reading this?

Next thing you know they’ll be referring to getting out of bed.

If you’re going to do a walking routine, make sure it’s it’s intense enough to achieve your training heart rate.

A leisurely walk is something you do in a museum, not on a track or gym.

Yesterday, my workout concluded with a 5 minute-walking sprint on a treadmill.

It was set at manual, so I had to push the rubberized track.

It wasn’t going to move by itself.

I managed to hit 146 BPM, which is close to 87% of max.

By the time it was over i could have squeezed a full glass of sweat from my t-shirt.

That’s training.

3] Bike riding

“Bike riding is a no-impact exercise that is gentler on knee joints than pavement-pounding exercises…”


Oh my God, shut the hell up already!

Are you kidding me?

Try a spin class before you get your old ass on a bike.

It will get you in shape so you don’t fall down and not be able to get back up.

4] Weight training

“Hit the weights two to three times per week with two exercises each for the chest, back, arms, shoulders, legs and core.”


Yes folks, this stuff is actually published.

Weight training for a 58-year-old is exactly the same as it is for a 38-year-old, except that the older guy needs more recovery time. Period.

I weight train 3x/wk and pack on as much muscle as I did 20 years ago.

The reason for this is rest and recovery.

I can no longer weight train 5 days a week without chronic inflammation and/or injury.

But when I do train, I can humble men half my age.

I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I am capable of doing all the things I did at 20, nor am I going to tell you that age categories in fitness competitions are irrelevant.

What I am telling you is that your training is just as tough as it always was, rest and recovery considered.

5] Flexibility and balance

“Older men commonly experience a decrease in flexibility and joint mobility as they age.”


All men of all ages experience decreases in flexibility when they are inactive.

That’s why seasoned athletes spend an inordinate amount of time on flexibility and mobility exercises.

The human body is meant to move.


Whether it’s swimming, walking, cycling, weight training or flexibility work, if you want gains, you have to push your boundaries to get the results you have in your head.

As I’ve said a hundred times before, it’s not a cakewalk, not for the faint of heart, not for the easily defeated.

A fitness lifestyle is a different way of looking at life.

It’s all-encompassing. Not something you dabble in.

Dabble in business and see what happens to your business.

The mindset has to rise above the mean in order to get to where you want to be in whatever your endeavor, and fitness is no different.

Stop reading feel-good articles, and start reading ones that challenge you.

Stop accepting stereotypes.

The more you accept, the more the tired dogma burrows into your life and weakens your resolve.

Don’t be a statistic.

Get to the gym and out into life like a man who has decades ahead of him to make a stand.

Raise the bar and the world will rise with you.

As for these people who keep pandering to the averages, tell ’em to kiss your ass.

To Manscape or Not to Manscape?

94c45a659b724416d56652a59badb3e1Brian Viner for Daily Mail

In my urban slice of the socioeconomic pie, manscaping is considered normal maintenance for older men.

But this does require some degree of qualification: Vain-ish older men.

Not pathologically vain, but vain within reason in large metropolitan circles.

Appearance is survival in these places – for both men and women.

When I was a young man I had chest hair.

Of course, it was also the 80’s, so there’s that.

But when you’re in your 20’s, chest hair also ends to behave.

It grows in certain areas, but not in others.

It’s not invasive.

A little brown tuft in the middle of one’s chest is fine.

But as we age it starts to spread like influenza in what I assume is a last ditch effort to remind us of our primordial genesis, which helps prepare us for death.

But vain men don’t want to die anymore than women want to ditch their plastic surgeons.

So we fight back.

Brian Viner [above] is NOT what most men in my world look like…with or without the chest hair.

Appearance is not high on his list of priorities.

Why this is I don’t know.

Some men just don’t care, which is why they find others just like themselves.

Together, they live in gated suburban communities.

This is one reason he looks ridiculous without chest hair.

If my chest looked like that I wouldn’t shave it either.

The more hair, the more coverage. Great.

But for men who take pride in their appearances, the last thing they want is an unattended lawn.

I can’t even remember the last time I saw one of these guy, to be honest with you.

It’s not that I don’t see chest hair. I do.

But it’s “good” chest hair. Clustered, trimmed and even.

The rest either shave it off, or have it lasered by one of the 20,000,000 salons on every street corner in Houston.

For the guys who opt to maintain – rather than rid – the one thing no one in their right mind does is parade around with hair on their backs.

In some zip codes it’s considered a class 3 misdemeanor.

In mine it’s a felony.

Here is Mr. Viner’s back, and why he would be doing community service around here:

waxing brian viner john godwin before back)

I know, it’s horrific.

But this is considered normal, again, in some circles…not mine.

People just don’t walk around like this unless they have some psychiatric disability.

But allow me to point out [yet again] that Mr. Viner’s back is also soft and out of shape, which further reflects his lack of concern for appearance, and thus, the need for him to find refuge in insulated culture groups.

I always go back to this point because in America there are two distinctly different worlds:

One is Urban, the other rural and/or suburban.

Each have their own set of values.

And while some men work in big cities, they always go back to where they came from to avoid jail time.

There’s an upside to everything.

To close, the photograph below is what older men in my world consider normal:

Male Grooming Arnold Ferrier Laura Swithern Photo Bill Morton

Congratulations to Billy Joel [66] and Alexis Roderick [33]!

2A3D260200000578-3149818-image-a-142_1436068833793Billy Joel and Alexis Roderick in surprise 4th of July wedding.

Folks, it doesn’t matter what the difference in age  – or any of the other line items to which we’re supposed to adhere in order to have normal, well-adjusted relationships].

Love finds us wherever we happen to be standing at any given moment.

Be ready for whatever the hell it looks like.

13 Reasons Why Older Men Should “Lift Heavy.”


As we get older, the more muscle mass we have, the less likely we are to die prematurely…or suffer clinical depression, which is worse.

The article offers the following bullet points, which I will elaborate on here:

1] You’ll live longer.

According to 2014 research from UCLA, “the greater your muscle mass, the lower your risk of death.”

Unfortunately, most physicians tell their older patients to moderate their activities to avoid injury rather than challenge themselves.

This is ass backwards.

If you DON”T lift heavy, you are guaranteed to injure yourself just getting out of bed.

2] You’ll sleep better.

When your body is tired it needs rest. The more physically exhausted, the more rest.

It’s a simple equation.

People who don’t exercise tend to wake up all hours of the night wondering what happened to their lives.

3] You feel better about your life.

When you accomplish something you never thought possible, you get a corresponding shot of self-esteem.

If you keep believing you can’t this or that simply because you’re older, injury will find you.

Take what your body will give you.

You’ll soon learn it has a lot more to give than you thought.

4] Protect the bones.

The heavier you lift, the more bone density you create.

Stop lifting and you’re just a blood sac waiting to explode.

5] Maintain balance [literally].

If you want to prevent falls resulting in things like broken hips – the death knell of the aging – combine strength training, flexibility and balancing exercises.

Among older men I know, the only way to stay in the game of life is to stay in the gym.

6] Reduce anxiety and depression.

Strength training stimulates hormones, increases brain function, and relieves anxiety and depression.

If you don’t believe me, drag your ass to a gym for an intense one-hour workout and I will show you a different person.

7] Look better in clothes.

If you want to look good in clothes, you have to be able to fill them out.

Nobody likes stooped shoulders and an old man ass.

8] Burn more calories.

The more lean body mass you build, the more calories you burn just watching television.

Lifting heavy guarantees more lean mass.

9] It’s not as time-consuming as you think.

Runners do the least amount of strength training, which is why I don’t recommend endurance running to anyone.

You end up looking like crap and you’re as weak as matchstick.

Having said this, strength training an hour a day, 3 days a week is what I would consider more than adequate for most Boomers.

10] It doesn’t matter where you lift, or what you lift, as long as you lift.

Body weight exercises are fine. You can do them anywhere.

But to get the benefits I’m talking about here, you have to invest in weights that challenge you beyond the push up.

11] You are more athletic.

Strength training enables the body to perform better, faster, stronger.

If you don’t believe me, take a look at all the older men who don’t train at all and get back to me.

12] You heart will thank you.

Cardio isn’t the only form of exercise that benefits the heart.

In some cases, strength training has been shown to to be as effective as statin drugs.

13] Reject aging.

When people say age is a state of mind, they’re referring to healthy adults.

If you let yourself fall apart, you will argue the previous point.


Strength training is the primary weapon against aging.

If you commit yourself to a fitness lifestyle that includes heavy resistance training, you can avoid many of the pitfalls of aging that all sedentary people experience prematurely.

From the muscle-fat connection [higher metabolic rate], to osteoporosis prevention, to a decrease in arthritic pain, to glucose metabolism improvement, to better mental health – heavy weight training is as close as human beings come to a fountain of youth.

Of course, you also have to eat right, get enough rest, drink in moderation, and do all the other things necessary to keep the ball rolling without killing yourself in the process.

No wonder so many people are obese.


“Dad Bod” is the Key to Invisibility [Irony, Notwithstanding]

robfat2A “normal” overweight 59 year old male. 205 lbs and 5.11″ BMI is 28.6 or just under Obese at 30.

Master-OHScott Olson, winner of the Masters 60+ division of the 2014 CrossFit Games!!!

jay60This is me, a fit 59 year old male. 6’1″ and 230 lbs. 14% body fat – and drug free!

No Testosterone supplementation.


No Anabolic Steroids.

Just hard work and discipline.

I’ll explain why men in my demographic would rather put a bullet in their heads than look like the first guy.



There are certain areas of the country where looking “normal” is considered normal.

While traveling during my years as a professional photographer, I noticed fat farms mostly in small communities, where having a 400–pound wife was considered a “bigger bang for the buck,” and husbands with pregnant guts were simply men of “healthy appetites.”

Needless to say, this mindset insured that everyone stayed out of shape…and home where they belonged.    


There are smaller cities like New Orleans where a daily diet of fried foods and vodka-martini nightcaps are indicators of “healthy lifestyle choices.”

It’s among a few places in America where alcoholism and type 2 diabetes are considered a normal part of the aging process.

In places like Houston and Los Angeles [to name just a couple], being grossly overweight – or overweight at all – is unacceptable.

The only obese people I ever see are suffering a psychiatric disability or some form of head trauma.

Note: Our version of obesity is anorexia, which is considered acceptable in big cities.

Digressions aside, obese people are often heard using the “thyroid” argument to justify [or explain] their conditions, but it’s usually dismissed because everyone already knows from TV that POW’s with thyroid problems are still rail thin.

The only people who get away with obesity are billionaires who spend all their time around hookers who find them irresistible.


It is common to see suburban daughters of obese men lovin’ on their dad bods.

But the innuendo is demeaning, not that anyone openly acknowledges it because the fading dad feels loved – while the daughter, worshiped.

It’s a simple equation.

Everything in its right place in time.

I’m young + you’re old = my girlfriends are off limits.


When you enter your 50’s, the first thing you start hearing about is how you need to slow down, moderate your physical activity.

After all, you don’t want to risk “injuring your back.”

Of course, it’s the other way around, as anyone who works out hard eventually learns.

Then we’re hammered with TV ads stereotyping us as feeble and resigned.

I can’t count the number of actors in pharmaceutical ads who play Pillsbury Dough Boys on golf courses in the company of matronly “wives” who look like they could play stand-in for their mothers.

This is NOT reality as I know it, and it shouldn’t be for you.

Don’t accept the defeatist mantra that sucks you into the BIG PHARMA bandwagon before your time.

Fire physicians who tell you to slow down when you have no reason to do so other than fear.

Burn your golf shirts and pleated khakis and get under some weights.

Old age is decades away. Your time isn’t up.

If anything, it’s a new beginning. A new chapter. New rules of engagement.

Your life doesn’t end just because the calendar says your time came and went.

If that’s the case, you’ve got a lot of time ahead of you to be miserable.

If that’s what you want, go for it.

Remember: It’s a choice, not a physical reality.

The sooner you wake up with this mantra in your head, the sooner you’ll be doing wall-balls and push-ups at 78.

I know quite a few men like this who could kick your sorry asses to the curb.

ACCEPT NOTHING UNTIL YOU’RE DEAD, then you can come to terms with certain limitations.

Congratulations to Richard Gere [65] and Alejandra Silva [32]


As usual, the narrative is not about a celebrity dating someone new.

It’s about Richard Gere dating a woman half his age as if the guy has some friggin’ personality disorder.

If so, hats off to psychopathology.