Congratulations to Billy and Alexis!
See folks, life is not an actuarial table. It’s a journey with no particular timeline.
In the end, love is wherever you find it…no matter what the accountants say.
Post Category → younger women
Dating at Middle Age – It’s Still a Man’s World
There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind. Patrick Rothfuss.
…………..
http://omgchronicles.vickilarson.com/2014/01/15/dating-at-middle-age-why-bother/
There are no shortages of women-run “advice” sites extolling the virtues of older women and the men who just can’t wait to date them.
Most, if not all, of this is wishful thinking – or a marketing ploy – designed to drum up web hits from an audience of older women who feel invisible in a world that values youth and beauty before other qualities.
These sites claim that older women are simply more selective than younger men and women, which is why it’s harder for them to find partners.
This is true.
If I were a 50 or 60-year-old woman expecting to find a fit, handsome and highly successful man my age to date and marry, I’d have to be out of my mind.
Most men who fit that description are looking at women in their 20’s, 30’s and maybe, early 40’s.
But like I said, the narrative is good for attracting female readers looking for a glimmer of hope in what appears to be an existential nightmare because it is an existential nightmare.
As I cover in my new book, Urban Dystrophy, the biggest problem women face is the delusion that such men have reached a stage in life where they look beyond the physical, which is about as ridiculous as it sounds no matter what you hear to the contrary.
Most of these men have already been married and are now statistics in the “gray divorce” pile up.
They said “I do” in their 20’s, went on to build a family and career, made a ton of money, and are now bored and entitled.
What they want this time around is NOT the older woman they divorced, but the one they married back when they got married.
They want to start all over again at 50 or 60 with someone reflective of their accomplishments.
Now you know the origin of the term: Trophy Wife.
But for most men I know, it’s far more complex.
In addition to the trophy aspects of the woman they also want someone they can converse with, share a mutual understanding, and love.
Older women often refer to this as man’s delusion, but for the more self-actualized among us, this is simply not the case.
While our accomplishments tend to precede us, there are no shortages of younger women waiting in line to date, live with, and ultimately, marry us.
That’s a lot to ask of a younger woman just starting out in life, to be perfectly frank.
And while some of them are grifters and psychopaths, many, many more are everything but.
In the end, it’s not that older men don’t didn’t find women their age interesting. It’s that they are simply not physically attracted to them.
Note: Most successful older women I personally know either date – and underwrite – much younger men, or they sleep alone.
Thankfully, women are better adapted to single-hood as evidenced by their ability to bond with other women in ways that men find difficult, if not impossible.
In this sense we both win. Count your blessings.
Older Men and Their Obsession with “Packaging”
Not all men are superficial.
I have actually known a few in their 50’s and 60’s who chose women their own age [within 5 years].
A few. Not many.
Most of them fell into the following categories:
1] Passive men lacking in ambition and drive who find emotional fulfillment in the company of powerful mother figures who do the driving for them.
2] Men with average to low libidos seeking travel companions.
3] Men who feign interest in such women because they look good on paper, but end up with women half their age because they look better in the flesh.
4] Normal, well adjusted men who would never consider dating anyone outside of their own age demographic because they live in the same psychological box they grew up in.
5] Budding serial killers looking for an older, submissive companion who will blend in with the neighborhood and stay out of the shed.
6] Men who have been married to the same women for decades and don’t see the changes as profoundly as they would had they met them on a Match date yesterday.
7] Men who genuinely love their wives too much to leave them, mistresses notwithstanding.
Understand that what gets people to where they are in life tends also to drive every other aspect of their life.
As I “testified” in my soon-to-be-released book, Urban Dystrophy, The Perverse Truths About Mid-Life in the Big City, there is nothing more powerful, no greater human commodity in the mind of a driven and successful older man, than youth and beauty.
Now you know the true crucible of older women.
Fortunately, due to the resiliency of gender adaptation, women are able to emotionally bond with others of their gender, enabling them to outlive their male counterparts by several years.
In this sense, we both win.
POSTSCRIPT
I remembered bookmarking this article from last month’s Huffington Post, and thought it would dovetail nicely with the narrative of this discussion. In it, Eva Mendes claims that the leading cause of divorce is “sweatpants.” If I may, I think that what Ms. Mendes was trying to say is that men
are visual first, human second.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/19/eva-mendes-sweatpants_n_6902570.html