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The Often Overlooked Differences Between Youth and Middle Age
Any one of these people could have rolled out of bed 10 minutes ago.
If any of these people rolled out of bed 10 minutes ago instead of several hours ago after hair and make-up for this photo shoot, they’d frighten children.
~~~
Last night we went attending the opening of a new art gallery in Houston.
No big deal, right?
Hardly.
But before I get into this, allow me to offer some perspective.
When I was 25, going out was a straight line between the thought and the front door: I put on some clothes and walked out knowing I looked presentable no matter what I looked like.
If I hadn’t combed my hair, it probably looked better than it would if I spent an hour in front of the mirror with sprays and gels.
My skin was, you know, young, my jawline sharp. Rarely did I see bloodshot eyes no matter what I did to myself the night before.
And by the way, there also wasn’t a single, solitary hair anyplace other than where it was from the time I was 14.
In short, I was ripe for breeding.
Then time passed…and I didn’t die.
Some say we linger no matter what we actually do, but to the point: I was no longer able to do what I didn’t have to do back in the day.
No, this is not what you want to hear, I get it. Believe me, I know. But we’re here and this is what we have to deal with if we want to, you know, linger.
Now lingering is also relative, so there’s some hope if you’re willing – and/or able – to read between the lines.
For example, people are not static images on a two-dimensional page, so there’s that.
In reality, there’s money and experience and a whole lot of other stuff that creates a composite that often acts as a carbon credit against physical attrition.
But no matter what an older adult has in their favor, they cannot escape an aging appearance, which requires propping up every step of the way in order to maintain some degree of objective attractiveness.
Some things are simply not subjective no matter how you spin the narrative.
So how does all of this translate?
1] Dentists handle our teeth, which, of course, involves regular cleanings – but also crowns, veneers, whitening, bonding…and root canals to name a few more.
2] Then there’s the hair-where-it-doesn’t-belong thing. We either visit a stylist [usually the case with women], or we do it ourselves, with often catastrophic results.
3] Did I mention diet? Yea, if you want to make it into your 50’s without type-2 diabetes and/or every other imaginable health problem, you have to eat clean, with the exception of one “cheat” meal per week.
4] You have to get plenty of sleep, and I mean 8 hours of sleep each and every night if you plan to remember your mother’s name.
5] You will be forced to conform to a certain set of standards required of adults in nice neighborhoods.
For example:
a] You cannot walk out of your home bare-chested, or in a wife beater, or in your underwear without being branded clinically insane and an imminent danger to neighborhood children.
b] You cannot punch out your neighbor for being noisy on a Sunday morning. Instead you will contact your HOA or local police and let them handle it for you.
c] You will abstain from contentious remarks or unnecessary cursing, lest you be excluded from HOA meetings that will now involve discussion about what to do about you.
6] You will stay in reasonable shape, which your personal trainer will help ensure.
7] If your wife or girlfriend is significantly younger than you, expect not to invited to social functions involving age-appropriate wives.
8] Nobody cares if you’re a member of the LGBT community as long as your home and lawn are well manicured.
9] If you own a vehicle not on the acceptable vehicle list, you will be labelled curious, and usually outright dismissed.
a] Acceptable adult vehicles include, Range Rover, Lexus, Porsche, Chevrolet Yukons and Suburbans, Mini, Audi, BMW, Jaguar, Maserati, Ferrari and classic muscle cars in pristine condition. I may have missed one or two, but you get my point. Lamborghini is considered white trash no matter how much money you have.
b] Vehicles on the kill list included any late model muscle car and Econoline vans.
10] Finally [for the moment] you must know the law. If not, you can and will be sued for anything and everything imaginable, including everything.
a] Understand that many affluent people are bored out of their minds, particularly if they’re in bad physical shape, hate their wives, or suffer clinical depression stemming from fading relevance, leaving them staring down the barrel of destiny. Thus, always be considerate of others, understand that you live in a neighborhood of which you are a member [not a king], and abide by the statutes set forth by your home owner’s association. While your kids can do pretty much anything they want, leveraging youth against bad behavior, the buck will always stop with you.
Yes, I know, getting older can be a friggin’ nightmare, but it’s not without its perks.
I’ll elaborate in my next installment.
The “Gala”
There was a time not long ago when I loved being the center of attention.
“Flatter flatter flatter!”
I was struggling through an endless series of speed bumps to nowhere that I medicated into oblivion through fleeting relationships and, still people clapped.
Of course, I was young and handsome and well spoken, and therefore, “in demand” as such things go.
These assets alone eclipsed whatever was absent everywhere else, as evidenced in the hostess-CEO paradigm.
So like others of my kind, I let the endorphin rushes fuel fantasies of where my new encounters might lead…night after night after night.
But as time passed and my career grew, I found that I needed more tangible affirmation in order to maintain self-esteem.
I was getting older and youth was no longer the hook. So what was?
It had to come from within, but how? as the need for external affirmation felt like an addiction to painkillers?
Where was that now lost screw that kept the joints rattling?
I was becoming unhinged.
Then, in my mid 50’s, I started coming out of it.
I was one of the lucky ones, as others around me lost everything to time, desperate moves and bad luck.
As cliché as it sounds, I began to find meaning in sharing my life with someone else, and everything else started to fade.
I started to find that going back to the social till bled a little more of me, leaving me empty and unfulfilled.
While I still appreciated public acknowledgement of my work, I saw it all very differently, as simple self-expression, a way of working through issues in my life, rather than a veiled quest for self-aggrandizement.
I know that for the most part, praise is just posturing, something people feel compelled to express in a particular social context.
But what really mattered to them was money and power.
Even when they are genuinely impressed with an artist’s work, their feelings are ephemeral, fleeting and largely meaningless.
They will move on to the next cocktail function, cherry-pick another item of interest, and on it will go, forever.
In the end, no one really cares unless they receive something of equal measure.
For most it’s the public acknowledgement that they are of powerful social standing, transcendent of art.
In their minds, they are the bedrock, the unassailable…oligarchs of an otherwise trivial world.
Of course, challenges do arise [to my great amusement], particularly when such people are in the company of the equally rich and very famous.
I love all the fraying at the edges of vanity as they maneuver themselves back into the ring.
We all find our niches in the world, places that affirm us, reflect our standings and values, that don’t obliterate our self-esteem.
I live in a neighborhood of my peers, and spend time socializing with people who, for the most part, share my values, beliefs and social standing.
I no longer need or want anything from anyone else.
I’m not here to take, but to share.
I have already paid my dues many times over and no longer walk into a situation with my hands out.
If people like what they see, if it has some meaning for them, great.
Either way, I am no longer willing to sell myself for anyone’s approval.
Socialites do what they do for personal gain.
Whether it’s Look at me, how wealthy I am, how extravagant my clothing, how elite my connections…or…How the hell do I get into this club so I can move out of my apartment, it’s a game I’m no longer willing to play.
For those of you who wish to gain access to the right parties, hosted by the right people with an eye on their bank accounts, you know where to go and what to do.
Bullet Points of Interest:
1] People tend to do what they do for personal gain, even when they are the ones “giving.”
2] Nothing is ever free, even when people are throwing something at you.
3] Life is about checks and balances, usually literally.
4] People you like are usually those you’ve vetted over time, not people you meet at cocktail functions.
5] Fund raisers are usually a subtle dance around who’s got the biggest “dick,” both men and women.
6] Hanger’s on are like sous-chefs waiting for the big dog to fall into a vat of boiling grease.
7] Art is worth nothing to most people unless Christie’s auctions it.
8] Opportunism is gaining access to something you can’t find within yourself.
9] Everyone uses everyone for everything on some level, even if it’s a good laugh. So it’s all about levels.
10] While socialites serve a useful purpose in society, nobody cares who they are if they’re not raining money.
Venting is cathartic. It’s why I write and shoot pictures.
No Signs of Slowing Down for Older Athletes
George Haywood, 63, took home the gold in the 300-meter hurdles at the World Masters Athletic Championships last summer in Lyon, France. (Katherine Frey / The Washington Post)
For you skeptics, naysayers and apologists out there…
Drug Testing
Drug testing will be conducted at Perth 2016, following the procedures outlined by World Masters Athletics.
If selected for drug testing Competitors must declare any/all medications being used by them on the doping control form. Any athlete using a prohibited substance as defined in the Regulations, must apply for an exemption (TUE) to the WMA Anti-Doping and Medical Committee. Athletes taking or requiring exemption for a prohibited substance must apply to the WMA Medical Officer (Dr. Martine Prévost) for a TUE exemption (17 rue Léon Roby FR-87000 LIMOGES: FRANCE. Tel: 0033 607 949 507, email: prevost.ma@wanadoo.fr ) If an exemption is refused, the prohibited substance(s) concerned must not be used and should you be selected for testing and the test proves positive this may result in a suspension. Please note that no other medical certificate(s) will be accepted in substitution for a TUE certificate. If you are granted a TUE exemption certificate, this must be with you at all times along with proof of identification, and must be produced at the Doping Control Centre if you are selected for a drug test. Details of prohibited substances and all Anti-Doping procedures are available on the IAAF (www.iaaf.org) website, the WMA (www.world-masters-athletics.org) website and your IAAF Affiliated Federation. The Competitor’s Handbook in Perth will also contain details of the Anti-Doping Procedures to be undertaken during the championships.
Hey Big Spender: Affluent Boomers Rock Urbania
Though Baby Boomers are certainly the richest generation in U.S. history, few members of its cohort qualify as truly “elite,” according to a recent study.
Boomer Elites, according to Focalyst, a market research and consulting firm, are a select subgroup of Baby Boomers (born between 1946 and 1964) who are characterized by a household pretax annual income of $150,000 or $100,000 if retired.
Only 1 in 10 Baby Boomers can be classified as Elites.
Most Boomer Elites are married, 92% college educated [73% of non-Elite Boomers have college degrees], and live in homes valued at nearly twice that of the average Boomer. Boomer Elite’s home is $519,000, in contrast with the typical Boomer’s home valued at $282,000.
Okay, so now we know that 1 in 10 Boomer Elites can afford homes in the 500k range.
Is this supposed to impress anyone?
I’m being facetious, of course, but the honest to God truth is that most Boomers I know live in homes 4x that price – and much, much more –and there are lots of them.
For the most part, they are out of touch with reality for those even in the bottom end of the 1% equation.
But as fractionally small a this demographic may be, it’s positively massive to those who reside here.
And people wonder why politicians refer to people as numbers.
Sharp Increase in Older Men Going Under the Knife
While there has only been a two percent overall increase in plastic surgeries from 2009 to 2010, the number of male cosmetic procedures have increased dramatically, say statistics from the American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS).
The number of liposuction procedures performed on men rose seven percent, and the number of male facelifts doubled, by 14 percent.
Why such a relatively high increase in male procedures?
1[ Economic woes [i.e., keeping their jobs]
2] Media bombardment [i.e., if you can afford to look your best, why not?]
People often consider cosmetic procedures to be just for women, says northern CA-based men’s mental health expert Will Courtenay, PhD, LCSW, and author of Dying to Be Men.
Just as sex roles between men and women are changing—more fathers are active parents than they used to be, he maintains—so is interest in cosmetic surgery. “The fact is, manhood in America is changing rapidly,” Courtenay tells demo dirt. “And at least one in four men says he’d consider cosmetic surgery. And another one in five says he might. And for men, it’s often about staying in the race.”
Washington, DC-based facial plastic surgeon Houtan Chaboki, MD says that he has noticed an increase in men getting procedures, even though they still comprise less than ten percent of cosmetic patients.
Most common, he notes, is rhinoplasty, which people get for various reasons.
However, the fastest growing market is face lift surgery, Chaboki says.
“More men seeking plastic surgery want to appear younger and compete in the workplace,” he says.
“Some working men who actually feel full of energy have the perception that others at work may see them as older, [and] less adaptable to change in a fast-moving economy.”
Dermatologist Debra Jaliman, MD started doing Botox in 1991 and says that more and more men have been requesting the treatment, among other things.
“I find that now many years later more men are doing Botox and fillers and lasers and freezing their fat, “she says.
Jaliman agrees that the main reason is the economy. “We are in a competitive business environment and it’s also become more acceptable,” she adds.
The problems emerge when cosmetic surgery can’t remedy deeper-rooted self-esteem issues.
“Cosmetic surgery can be a misguided attempt to feel better,” Courtenay maintains. “Research shows that men who are dissatisfied with their physical appearance are more likely to suffer from poor self-esteem and depression. So, for these men, cosmetic surgery may make them look better, but they won’t feel better.”
The best surgery candidate, Courtenay says, is a man who is generally secure already.
SUMMARY
Whether it’s to gain that competitive edge, or just bolster an already healthy self-esteem, nips and tucks appear are the way forward for most urban men I know.
Get used to it. I have.
Nothing is as it seems anywhere, anymore.
Baby Boomer Suicide Rate Rising [as funds for concubines dries up]
http://www.healthline.com/health-news/baby-boomer-suicide-rate-rising-031515
The recent Great Recession was hard on almost everyone, but especially baby boomers [generation born between 1946-1964] who had decades of savings to invest.
Side note: Money is supposed to fill in all the existential angst after life exacts its pound of flesh and leaves us with less physical relevance.
Thus, it’s no surprise that a rising number of middle-aged people of that generation resorted to suicide as the weight of economic problems overwhelmed them.
Since that time baby boomers have had the highest rate of suicide of any age group in the United States, which is interesting given the fact that people between the ages of 40 and 64 have historically had one of the lowest rates.
Add to this conundrum the fact that baby boomers are now sliding head long into the over-65 demographic, which is ground zero for historically high suicide rates.
Put another way, if you don’t have money at this writing, you’re pretty much screwed.
According to the article, since the beginning of the Great Recession, 8.8 million jobs were lost, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.
Middle-aged people were disproportionately affected in terms of lost property value, household finances, and lost retirement savings.
Twenty-seven percent of those aged 50 to 64 experienced reduction in salaries, higher than any other age group.
On a related note, of those baby boomers who committed suicide from 2005 to 2010, 81 percent had prior mental health or substance abuse problems.
Although suicides for baby boomers could level out as the economy improves, experts say the fact this generation is entering older age is worrisome.
So now even if you have money, you’re too old to really enjoy it.
The key is not to let things get to a point of escalation. When people are suicidal, they’re rigid and not thinking clearly.
Dr. Jill Harkavy-Friedman, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention says, “The key is not to let things get to a point of escalation. When people are suicidal, they’re rigid and not thinking clearly.”
But she is wrong. They are thinking very clearly, which is the problem.
How do you talk an 80-year-old man without money out of hanging himself?
It doesn’t make sense. The man is thinking quite rationally, in my view. What’s the point of going on if you’re broke, and, for all intents and purposes, broken physically?
Is there any hope?
Not really.
From personal experience, I can give you 10 things older men [those over 65] can do to dramatically improve their mental health –– but we’re talking about older men who don’t have to worry about their next meal.
For such men, hope is everywhere because they can afford it.
More specifically, here are 10 ways to insure that it sticks around a long time:
1] Hit the gym on a daily basis, interact with people, and reduce stress. Exercise releases endorphins, which create feelings of happiness and euphoria without heroin. It also boosts self-esteem by providing a sense of physical relevance and self-possession that other older men lose along the way.
2] Check your testosterone levels. At this stage of the game “normal” levels probably aren’t enough. So boost them. Even if it leads to premature death, what the hell difference does it make is all you’re doing is dying in slow motion?
3] Be sexually active. If you’re bored with your wife, figure out how not to be bored with her. If she’s not interested, hire a surrogate wife. Many women I know provide “girlfriend experiences” with a full rate schedule they keep on Ipads. Many keep them in their gym bags. And for God’s sake, get a scrip for ED medication if you think you need it. Most 25-year-olds are using it, so why not you?
4] Don’t shy away from cosmetic improvements. If your teeth look like crap, fix them. If your jaws are hanging like liver from the sides of your face…facelift! Then there are fillers, micro-dermabrasion…I could go on. Just do it.
5] If you drive a Buick la Sabre, I can’t help you.
6] Do something you’ve always wanted to do, but for whatever reason haven’t. Nobody’s going to care if you decide to go back-packing in Yosemite after spending 40 years behind a desk.
7] When was the last time you went clothes shopping? Seriously. Most older men look old because they dress like people who should already be dead. Thus, I suggest you let your “girlfriend” decide what to buy. Pink pleated pants and golfing shirts are now customary attire for the dead at wakes, fyi.
8] Spend time around younger people whenever possible. It has been demonstrated time and time again that people become conditioned to their surroundings, which should not include graveyards and hospitals.
9] Stop talking about your aches and pains, and for God’s sake avoid the obituaries. Nobody wants to hear about your aging joints because only old people have aching joints no matter how ridiculous this sounds. And talking about the death of anyone but, for example, an otherwise youthful and healthy downhill skier is a buzzkill.
10] If you take yourself way too seriously and can’t remember the last time you laughed, you’re like the guy with the Buick.
I’ll give you 10 more in upcoming blogs…
According to Millennials, Baby Boomers Ruined America
The following is one of many articles condemning the Baby Boom generation for what its author considers to be our unfair advantages and “Screw you, I got mine” attitude.
Truth is, everyone holds the same opinion when they’re on the wrong side of the dime.
It’s human nature to protect what you have to prevent someone else from taking it, like your broker or ex-girlfriend.
This is one reason I make sure and feed our dogs from two separate plates [they refuse to eat out of dog bowls].
If I feed them from the same one, and they’ll either fight for the larger portion, or you’ll notice behavior similar to what happens when you turn your back on your wallet at a Stop-and-Go.
It is with this in mind that I think people who hate on the Boomers suffer from Freudian projection [… a defense mechanism in which one attributes to others one’s own unacceptable or unwanted attributes, thoughts, or emotions].
The author of this piece of projected gutter tripe is Alexander S. Balkin, a whiny, pissed off millennial scribe who can’t keep his mouth shut about the Big Bad Boomers who are directly responsible for keeping him locked in his mother’s basement.
When I read crap like this, I can’t help but post refutations like this:
http://brane-space.blogspot.com/2014/10/millennials-need-to-stop-whining-about.html
Here’s a salient quote from the article:
“If I had one piece of advice for the likes of Balkin and his compatriots, it would be to put down the Ipods, smart phones and Twitter access and head to the library to do some serious reading: on history, politics and economics especially. To see first hand how you got to where you are without having to rely on simplistic scapegoats….like a whole generation. Knowledge is the key to your liberation, not picking on a large group that in many ways has been victimized as much or worse than you and for a longer time.”
I live with a millennial who is also my girlfriend of 5 years.
We’re a generation apart…close to two.
Like most millennials, she’s tech-savvy, and yes, arguably addicted to her phone.
While I prefer conversation, she communicates in bits and pieces of code, which she and her friends attempt to tie together into one cohesive thought.
Thankfully, we like the same music and TV shows.
This notwithstanding, we are a couple. Millennial and Baby Boomer under one roof.
The truth is that most generations share more than they care to admit, and, of course, most blame the other for problems neither one was entirely responsible for.
Time works that way. It’s a continuum. Things that came before pave the way for things ahead and so on.
When I was a kid it may have been easier to get a job because there were more of them.
Most of what was manufactured in the world was manufactured here, not everywhere else.
In this sense the world was a lot smaller.
And believe me it felt very that way, particularly when you stop to consider that the technology we carry around with us everywhere we go was non-existent.
Hell, if a World War broke out we’d have to wait to find out about it from the evening news.
But while things were different, they were not different enough to warrant all the vile banter.
If – at gunpoint – I had to identify one “flaw” in millennials, it would be their sense of entitlement.
This generation grew up in a world of media, foisting it’s own brand of reality onto a world of consumers starving for soundbites.
We learned all about the lives of multi-millionaire rock star celebrities with private jets and mansions on several continents that appeared to outnumber cockroaches as a percentage of the global population.
But in all the selling, this generation found itself with its hands out.
It sucks, really, because no one ever bothered to tell them that media is driven by one thing and one thing only: Money.
Guess which generation made it the focal point of out lives?
Rupert Murdock and Jerry Hall Tie the Knot
Congratulations to everyone!
Beautiful family!
Love is where you find it, folks…no matter what your age.
“Lyin’ Eyes” Reinterpreted
Don Henley was 28 when he and 27-year-old Glenn Frey wrote Lyin’Eyes.
The year was 1975.
The story goes that they were in their favorite LA restaurant/bar Dan Tana’s where they watched beautiful young women hitting on rich, older married men and decided to write about it.
From the vantage point of men in their 20’s, I can certainly understand their passionate disdain, as they felt entitled to the attention by virtue of youth alone.
Nonetheless, fast-forward to today’s urban world and I will comment on each verse from the perspective of an older man:
Henley/Frey
City girls just seem to find out early
How to open doors with just a smile
A rich old man
And she won’t have to worry
She’ll dress up all in lace and go in style
Comments:
City girls know exactly what they doing, which is why many of them are among the 1% without so much as a G.E.D., or discernible profession.
Late at night a big old house gets lonely
I guess every form of refuge has its price
And it breaks her heart to think her love is only
Given to a man with hands as cold as ice
Comments:
I have yet to meet a gold-digger who was unhappy in a 10 million dollar home. Not one. Furthermore, most don’t care what’s in a John’s heart, or even that he has one, as long as she gets to travel. Put another way, it’s a symbiotic relationship.
So she tells him she must go out for the evening
To comfort an old friend who’s feelin’ down
But he knows where she’s goin’ as she’s leavin’
She is headed for the cheatin’ side of town
Comments:
Most gold-diggers cheat. So what? As long as the John doesn’t find out what difference does it make? She’s still faithful to the arrangement.
You can’t hide your lyin’ eyes
And your smile is a thin disguise
I thought by now you’d realize
There ain’t no way to hide your lyin eyes
Comments:
Most men I know set specific parameters like anyone running a successful enterprise. Applicants sign employment contracts and live within the parameters.
On the other side of town a boy is waiting
With fiery eyes and dreams no one could steal
She drives on through the night anticipating
‘Cause he makes her feel the way she used to feel
Comments:
There will always be a boy somewhere waiting for pretty much anyone, anytime. It’s obviously not enough, so she parses.
She rushes to his arms; they fall together
She whispers that it’s only for awhile
She swears that soon she’ll be comin’ back forever
She pulls away and leaves him with a smile
Comments:
Unless he figures out how to make a bundle, he’ll only be a fleeting screw. Of course, most young guys who make a fortune when they’re young tend to go through women like water, so now who’s crying?
She gets up and pours herself a strong one,
And stares out at the stars up in the sky.
Another night, it’s gonna be a long one.
She draws the shade and hangs her head to cry.
Comments:
This is the funniest thing I have ever read. Her head is sitting in a $20,000 french armchair with a glass of champagne. Nice try, though.
She wonders how it ever got this crazy.
She thinks about a boy she knew in school.
Did she get tired or did she just get lazy?
She’s so far gone she feels just like a fool.
Comments:
Lazy? Are you insane? Women like this work their butt’s off to live like this. What? You think money just falls from trees?
My oh my, you sure know how to arrange things.
You set it up so well, so carefully.
Ain’t it funny how your new life didn’t change things?
You’re still the same old girl you used to be.
Comments:
Most insightful verse in the song. I’ve never known a gold-digger to change his or her stripes.
As young men, even they could see that people are what they do.