How Gold-Diggers Parse Love

The following account is real.

I bring this to you not because it news, but because it’s not:

~~~

Man:

Did you ever really love me?

GD:

Honestly, the first year of our relationship I was very much in love with you. We traveled all over the world, stayed in beautiful hotels, dined at great restaurants. It was wonderful. Then your business went downhill and we stopped doing things.

Man:

We stopped traveling but we still did things.

GD:

What things? We mostly stayed at home and watched movies.

Man:

So you were in love with the lifestyle.

GD:

You were the lifestyle.

~~~

Understand that many men are simply incapable of falling in love with any woman who doesn’t satisfy an exacting set of physical standards.

The problem is that gold-diggers have those standards etched into the fabric of their DNA, so they hold all the cards.

And people wonder why so many affluent older men become trapped in vicious cycles of defeated expectations, as they try to get “perfect” women to love them for who they are.

In my world, fortunes come and go every day, mostly under these circumstances.

Aging is a weird thing. We learn more about a lot of things, but the basics never change: love, lust, money, but in the reverse order.

Steven Tyler and New Girlfriend, Aimee Ann Preston

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3478638/GIRL-TOWN-Wrinkly-Aerosmith-Rocker-s-new-28-year-old-lover.html

Yes, there is an age difference. And no, I don’t care.

Tyler is 67. Preston, 28.

Ho hum.

But the media spins it for sensationalism: “Steven Tyler turned heads when he marched up the red carpet at the Oscar-viewing party thrown by Elton John’s Aids Foundation hand-in-hand with a younger mystery woman.”

Still ho hum.

Not to be deterred, the media adds even more flourish to this non-story: Aimee Ann Preston is a full decade younger than his actor daughter Liv!

Yea, and my girlfriend was born 10 years after I received my undergraduate degree at 23, and we’re still together 5 years on.

Ho hum, again.

Congratulations to Steven and Aimee.

I’m sure your relationship is everything but ho hum.

Boomers Vs Millennials: A Field Guide

http://parade.com/417123/scott_steinberg/field-guide-millennials-vs-baby-boomers/

This article has some field ready stats that I tend to agree with for the most part.

But what’s of particular interest to me, and that I think you might find interesting, is what follows: The differences in Habits and Characteristics.

Here’s a snapshot:

Did you know that 70% of millennials have never been married?

This makes complete sense given the fact that they inherited a tough job market, exacerbated by the fact that Baby Boomers never retire.

More than 60 percent of millennials say they’d rather earn $40,000 per year at a job they love than $100,000 at one they hate.

When I was looking for a job I also wanted something I enjoyed over something I hated, so this never made sense to me.

I think that most of this applies to the generation before mine, but for some reason got lost in translation…or time.

Polls seem to indicate that 1/2 of Gen Yers identify themselves as politically independent, while three in 10 are unaffiliated with any organized religion.

I get this. Media has of way of scrambling one’s brain cells, so how the hell are you supposed to know where you stand on anything?

Despite being the generation with the most schooling in U.S. history, millennials rank below their global peers in math, literacy and a key 21st-century skill: “problem-solving in technology-rich environments.”

The focus today is on liberal studies, which, in my generation, was reserved only for women pursuing “MRS” degrees and trust fund kids.

Another interesting finding is that only 15 percent of boomers admit to having a tattoo, compared to 40 percent of millennials and 30 percent of Gen Xers (born between 1965 and 1980).

Maybe the permanence of tattoos is projection on the part of a generation that can find solid footing pretty much anywhere.

Another sad fact of life for millennials is that nearly two-thirds of boomers ages 50 to 61 expect to delay retirement.

Among the most popular reasons cited for sticking with the daily grind: They want to.

Making matters worse [for millennials] is that boomers expect to live longer than any previous generation.

New research suggests that old age may now actually begin at 74.

That’s also bad news for employers who still offer a pension, with the average retiree now estimated to draw a pension for 24 years (50 percent longer than the prior generation).

Then there’s the surprising factoid that nearly as many boomers own smartphones as younger generations, and are far more likely to have home computers.

A whopping 85 percent are (LOL) into text messaging, sending an average of 80 messages a month.

Boomers are also five times likelier than other generations to own a digital tablet.

On a certain level, the situation is grim.

We like to work, we are healthier than any generation before us, and we stay on top of technology.

No wonder we date people half our age.

It’s not like millennials are getting anywhere with their peers.

Cash-Strapped Russian Sugar Daddies Running Back to Their Wives

It’s not just Russia.

Gold-Diggers state-side are on life support.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3471744/The-glamorous-Russian-sex-kittens-dumped-cash-strapped-sugar-daddies-hit-afford-five-star-hotel-trysts-running-wives.html

I have no further comments to make about this other than to just enjoy reading all about something you already know to be true…kind of like therapy.

lol.

Super Ripped, Super Shredded Men Over 50 – and Reality

Just so you know where I’m coming from, I’ve been active in the fitness lifestyle my entire life.

In fact, it could be argued that fitness interfered with my personal and professional life on more than one occasion, and over a period of many, many years.

Thus, to suggest in any way that I’m an outsider where this is concerned is naive.

I’ve been in this world, know the player-profiles, understand the mindset.

So let’s get real.

By the time you’re my age [60], things change. You can no longer pack on dense muscle while bleeding fat. It isn’t going to happen –– not naturally.

This means you’re going to need extra help, like testosterone supplementation coupled with 3 or 4 other pharmaceutical agents designed to “compliment” one another.

One helps build strength, another cuts inflammation…you get the point.

Going down this road is a conscious choice many men make when mortality is beating down the doors and there’s nothing left but an aging body.

The psychological profiles of these men are all similar: They are most often vain, arrogant, entitled and filled with rage.

Why?

Because there is nothing else in their lives to help mitigate the attrition.

They’re left with a disintegrating asset, rather than an expanding mind and soul; and asset on a collision course with destiny no matter how many syringes they jam into their bloated veins.

Do I feel the psychological pressure of mortality?

Absolutely. I feel it every day of my life, which is why I have a life beyond my physical body.

I know this is a shocking revelation to many, that there is anything at all worth exploring beyond the physical.

Surprise surprise.

My creative pursuits alone are a full time job, not to mention my relationship, which also includes two dogs and two cats as big as dogs.

This scenario is what most refer to as a balanced life, which does pull time away from workouts, perfect eating and regular blood work necessary to monitor elevated liver enzyme and PSA levels while on steroids.

In this sense, fitness can become ab addiction like alcoholism or drug addiction or sex addiction or gambling addiction or any of the other addictions that raid the dopamine mines and turn one’s life into a living nightmare of emptiness.

http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2013/07/what_is_dopamine_love_lust_sex_addiction_gambling_motivation_reward.html

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Newton’s Third law of Motion

But I’m not here to beat up on men who take care of themselves. Hardly.

I think men should take exemplary care of themselves, but to understand that we are all human, and to expect results beyong what the body will naturally deliver will require more than a healthy lifestyle.

Go back to the blood test. If it’s normal, the rest is up to you and the genetics you were born with.

But no matter what your genetics have to say about it, age is the Supreme Court of physicality.

You’re not getting out of life unscathed.

We all pay the price, which is why it is so critical for all of us as older men to have lives outside of the gym.

In the end, there is nothing more pathetic than an aging man with nothing to show for himself but low body fat and a dark tan.

Now you know why so many of us are punchlines.

Media Versus Reality

Ask Americans to name the Vice-President of the United States and most haven’t the vaguest idea.

Mention the name Kardashian, and anyone with a heartbeat can tell you what they had for breakfast.

This illustrates the quintessential disconnect between media [aka popular culture] and reality [everything else].

If everything in our world is driven by ratings, and everything in our world is media-driven, you can see where this is going.

I’ll leave this one here where it belongs.

Next.

Jerry Hall, 59 Engaged to Rupert Murdock, 84

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3394897/Jerry-Hall-59-announces-engagement-84-year-old-Rupert-Murdoch.html

Needless to say, this story is not really about Jerry Hall and Rupert Murdock.

It’s about age differences, and how money and power are balanced against relative youth and relative beauty on a very public stage.

What’s obvious is that Hall stands to inherit a massive sum when he dies, which, from an actuarial perspective, is just around the corner.

So she gives up a few years of her life in exchange for vast riches, while he gets to sleep with a younger woman with whom he shares common interests and lifestyles.

In this sense they both win.

But is this it?

Is it just a business decision?

Does Murdock think he’s being used? Probably not.

Does she love him in the way most people think of love?

I don’t know and neither does anyone else.

What I have found through personal experience that most older women – of which Hall is certainly a member – are far less interested in sex and romance than they are companionship.

There are exceptions, but not many.

Hair Loss Triggers Depression in Older Men [and women]

Fact: 75% of all men will suffer some degree of hair loss by age 60.

Fact: 50% of all women will experience some hair thinning by the age of 40, three-quarters by the time they are 65.

This is particularly bad news for Baby Boomers who make up the 51-70 demographic [1946-1964].

According to Dr Asim Shahmalak, Britain’s most respected and best-known hair transplant surgeons, hair loss can have devastating psychological consequences.

“Men and women alike, although it is mainly men who suffer, go through a series of psychological stages when their hair thins, he says. Broadly speaking these can be characterized thus: Shock – Denial – Anger – Depression – Acceptance, not dissimilar to any other life-changing episode.”

He goes on to tell the story of Mark Oaten, then a rising political star, who became mired in a sex scandal.

“Mr Oaten did not condemn the media, nor point to the pressures of life in the Westminister bubble, as he might reasonably have done and many before him have.
Instead, in an unusual and highly thought provoking response, he laid the blame for his behavior squarely at the door of a mid-life crisis occasioned, he said, by the loss of his hair.”

I’m not making this up.

Writing at the time in a compelling dispatch for the Sunday Times, Mr Oaten identified the loss of his hair as the trigger behind the increasing anxiety in his personal and professional life as an MP.

“Any television appearance would result in a barrage of emails, not about the issues I’d raised but about my lack of hair,” he admitted.

“Whether supportive or not, they all asked what had happened to my hair.”

He went on, “It’s perhaps not surprising that I became more and more obsessed by its disappearance. For me it was a public sign that my youth had ended.”

The loss of hair for men and women can be deeply traumatic. And trauma, however hard to gauge, can influence both happiness and behavior. No one should underestimate the affect hair loss can have.

‘Baldy’, ‘slaphead’, ‘bone dome’, all harmless banter, right? Hardly. The language of the schoolyard extends well beyond the boardroom.

I’m hardly one to argue in favor of political correctness, but people need to get a grip on the essential vulnerabilities human beings carry, especially things like hair loss, over which they have no control.

Self-confidence is of paramount important to well being. And once that confidence goes, it can be hard to regain, leaving both professional and personal life badly exposed.

According to Dr. Shahmalak, patients readily admit to worrying constantly about their thinning hair and tell him about the impact on their social lives:

“Innocent comments can be misinterpreted, the eyes of their friends seem drawn to their temples, everyone else has a full head of hair. Why not them? I don’t exaggerate.”

In a society where image has become so important, hair is crucial.

It also can be tougher for modern men than for previous generations because of the high number of mid-life relationship break-ups and divorce. This coupled with greater independence for women, and men are now under pressure to keep looking younger in later life.

This scenario isn’t without crosscurrents, however.

Having very short hair is often seen as more masculine – and there are some suggestions that baldness is linked with heightened virility.

There are plenty of poster-boy role models for the nervously-thinning male.

But if people fear the worst about getting bald, it can become part of a wider mid-life crisis, says business and social psychologist, Michael Gutteridge.

If a man has strongly identified with his appearance, then losing his hair can feel like a threat to his identity as it means he stops looking like the person he thought he was. This is more than just vanity.

Dr Gutteridge says that it’s becoming increasingly common for business leaders to have cosmetic surgery, reflecting their need to send a visual message that they are still young and energetic.

Politics comes to mind.

Did you know that in the United Kingdom, no bald headed party leaders have won a general election since the television era began, perhaps reflecting the potent cocktail of associations that connects hair with power, attractiveness and vitality?

Even businessman and presidential candidate, Donald Trump, made reference to it when he stated, “it’s extremely important for all men to maintain a good head of hair.”

As for his hair, I’ll abstain from further comment.

The Future Looks Good

Barry Stevens, general secretary of the Trichological Society, says in the foreseeable future there will be an effective way of preventing baldness using “tissue engineering” and cloning technology.

This would mean cultivating hair-growing skin from an original sample, which would be grafted back onto the scalp.

“This isn’t pie in the sky, there are tens of millions being pumped into research into this,” says Mr. Stevens. But once an effective technique is developed, he forecasts that this will become a massive industry.

I could have guessed that myself.

Mr. Stevens has been working in the hair industry for four decades and he is strongly dismissive of much of the hair loss merchandising on the market, particular products that claim to “re-grow” vanished hair.

Hairr transplants work for some people, he says, but little else is worth the money.

“People are getting conned every day, charged thousands they can’t afford, going to hair clinics where they’re sold magic pills and creams that don’t work. I’m sickened by much of the industry, it is corrupt, full of charlatans.”

“If there were a safe and effective drug for re-growing hair it would be available from doctors, rather than adverts in the backs of newspapers,” he says.

But there is certainly a massive market for such hair revitalization, with an estimated 5.5 million websites dedicated to hair products.

This is because even though men might say they don’t care, losing hair can take the scissors to their self-confidence – and they’ll spend a great deal of money trying to turn back the tide, says Mr. Stevens.

It might not be apparent for many years, but the 100,000 hairs on a youthful male head begin to reduce in number almost as soon as men reach their teenage years.

The rate and extent of the hair loss is governed by genes, and Mr. Stevens says it’s a myth that men should look to their mother’s family for an indication of how their hair might recede.

Like hair color, patterns of balding can be inherited from either side of the family and from several generations back, which is why brothers can have completely different amounts of hair.

But what should a balding man say to a hairdresser? Honesty and a good close crop. The comb-over or any other cunning coiffure is not going to fool anyone.

Comments from men around the globe taken from an article published recently in the BBC:

I used to have long hair all my late teens and twenties and early thirties. So to discover it thin on top and receding a little, I have now shaved it with a razor. People are used to it now, but deep down I hate it and am depressed about it. I don’t want long hair for my age, but just a good head of hair so I don’t have to shave all the time. I don’t like any photos with me in, so I guess it’s a major problem with me. I have less confidence and think I’ll remain single.

Andy, Scotland

I used to have long flowing locks a la Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain in the ’90s now at 29 I’m a virtual skin head. I put it down to too much hair dye, late nights and a diet of fags and black coffee in my late teens and early twenties. I used to get far more abuse walking down the street because of having hair than I do now. A bald head makes you look well’ard!

Rob, Norwich

Isn’t hiring rent boys rather an odd way to assert your masculinity?

Chandra, London, England

Had a ponytail for a long time, then my hair began thinning on top. Created my own ‘Millenium Dome’ at the start of 2000, clipping it short all over and bald on top. Raised cash for charity too. It’s much easier to look after, I can trim it myself without small-talking with hairdressers about holidays, and it doesn’t bother me at all, though it gives my mates much amusement. Also it’s something to rub when you need to think hard! But you need a baseball cap when it’s very hot or cold. Anyone going bald – just get over it, it’s no big deal!

Jason Mills, Accrington, UK

I have two sons 20 and 23, both lost almost all their hair in their teens as did their grandfather. It hasn’t affected their attraction to the opposite sex, so I think these precious males have to accept that they just aren’t as attractive in middle age as they were in their youth – with or without hair.

Janet Georghiou, Windsor

As a balding man of 25, the concept of having a’solar panel for a sex machine’ on top of my head certainly appeals!

John Ferguson, Edinburgh

I’ll admit that I am slightly torn about the issue. Although part of me would love to salvage the few strands of hair left on my head and even get a few extra ones, at the end of the day, this ugly mug I was born with is mine, whether I like it or not. And I am not entirely convinced that a full head of hair would magically transform me into any kind of Adonis.

Steven, Shrewsbury

I was bald by the age of 21. Many women find it sexy, I find it convenient to clean-shave once a week rather than pay ridiculous amounts of money to have a hair-cut once a month. Never got me down, since I was never a stud so I have built my confidence based on my brains, not on my looks. Never really liked my hair anyway since it was curly and unmanagable.

Elias Kostopoulos, Athens, Greece

I’ve recently joined the bald gang as I approach 30. I had long hair for over 10 years, something crucial to a fan of heavy metal, but like life, it’s something to accept, deal with and move on. Buy yourself some hair trimmer and get with enjoying life, you ain’t dead yet!

Dave, Southampton

I started to lose my hair when i was in my early 20’s. I used to have a great head of hair and first noticed it thinning at the front when I was 21. By the time I started Uni at 23 it had become noticeable. Friends and family were kind saying it was my imagination. It really upset me and i used to wonder why it had started so young with me. I was always conscious of it and it nearly destroyed me. One day at around 27 years old i shaved it and i felt relieved. I did not have to hide it any more and was out in the open. I do think that it has harmed my chances with girls. I am not bad looking and never had to try too hard. Now I’m bald I have to try ten times harder than I used to. I have to develop all kinds of strategies. Its hard work!

Richard, London

I have two sons. One 48 years with a mass of hair. The other 39 years with a bald head. Their father/uncle/grandfather/grandmother/aunt/myself all have very thick hair so for some reason my youngest son has different genes. I must add that he has not had a problem with his lack of hair, unless he hides it well.

Doreen Whittaker, Surrey

I started losing my hair very early on, in my early 20’s. It did have a depressing affect on me, as I thought that I was no longer as attractive as I had been. Looking back, I can’t believe what an arrogant and vain prat I was. The turning point finally came when I bought some electronic clippers and shaved it all off. I felt better, there was no chance of me resorting to a comb-over and my self-esteem went up again. I’ve never looked back since then. And I’m getting married next year!

Marc Jones, Chingford, London, UK

I agree that we must be honest about baldness. You can’t really fool anyone. Sure it is great to have a full head of hair, but most men don’t after a certain age. I’ve seen all sorts of silly cures here (Malaysia) and nothing works, snake oils and all sorts. The key is to look at yourself in a positive way … be bold and bald … some find this attractive! It is also far more comfortable, a close crop makes me feel better than a length of locks. There is plenty of successful bald men, just stay away from british politics though.

Bill, Malaysia

It’s perfectly acceptable for a man to lose his hair, whatever his age…. provided he keeps what’s left very short. The men that attempt to cover it up, just highlight the fact and draw attention to it! A lot of men look more attractive with a shaven head.

Rachel, Southampton

What an absolute load of tosh, using losing ones hair as an excuse for insecurity. I started losing my hair in my early 20’s and just accepted is as part of life. It’s caused no crisis the conscious effect it had was it made me go for a shorter hairstyle. Now some 30 years later that I’m almost totally bald I just have my remaining hair cropped every few weeks. People who have ‘issues’ with hair loss are, in my opinion, using the hair loss as an excuse for a deeper insecurity.

Paul Ostermeyer, Milton Keynes, UK

My partner has a bald head and looks better now than he did as a youngster. I find it very attractive in a man. It’s a bold statement and although not always a choice for men, gives them more masculinity to their image. If your bald, don’t cover it up. There are lots of women like myself who adore the look!

Angela Ross, Sandhurst Berkshire

At 49 my hair is still long and thick. I have the most negative comments about it from balding or bald males. Do I care – nah!

Martyn Hlman, York

Summary

In my world, having a full head of hair pales in comparison to having a full load of cash. Financial security renders the issue moot. And while having both is better, I have never once heard any woman complain about her husband’s hair loss when travelling on a private jet.

Furthermore, when assessing a dating candidate, most women I know look at a man’s financial shape, followed closely by his physical condition, and pretty much ignore the rest.

In the end, they just don’t care enough to make a difference. In fact, a little hair loss may be just what the doctor ordered as it will make whatever the woman feels a bit insecurely about balance the scales.

The “Old Man” and the Motorcycle

Nothing quite says midlife crisis like the Harley Davidson Motorcycle, right?

Another day, another stereotype.

I’m accused of being in the midst of one for many reasons, not least of which being that I have a young girlfriend.

1] It’s all about money.

2] He’s intimidated by women his own age.

3] He’s a narcissist who can stomach his own reflection.

yada yada …

It never ends.

Not to bury the lead, I don’t own a motorcycle – but I find it interesting on many levels.

For one thing, I like it’s group nature. It’s an activity – and for many, lifestyle – that people of all socioeconomic backgrounds can share.

And it’s also damn manly in the traditional sense most men think of it. Think Steve McQueen in The Great Escape.

I think of it as an antidote to the PC virus.

I’m also drawn to the sense of adventure, hanging out with a bunch of guys who, after decades of work, family and Little league, are finally able to bond once again over beer and broads.

It’s an adult rite of passage where the holy “hog” unlocks the key to death with dignity for all, the penultimate send-off into oblivion, finger in the wind at the Devil’s Crossroads.

Come on, tell me you’re not intrigued.

One last shot at youthful defiance.

Don’t tell me you don’t watch those old Zeppelin videos on YouTube in the dead of night.

A 2010 market study by J. D. Power & Associates discovered that the average motorcyclist in the United States is a man who is about 50 years old, and Forbes Magazine confirms that the “sweet spot” for motorcycle buyers is the mid 40s to the early 50s. The problem is especially acute for Harley Davidson, as the 109 year-old company has a customer base that is almost as old as it is. It may just be an urban legend that Harley handlebars are now designed to comfortably support a beer belly during a ride, but it makes sense, given the fact that most older men [not to mention younger men] are out of shape.

Nonetheless, “Google” searches turn up ad after ad of sexily clad young women and handsome, fit young men to fuel the fantasies of middle-aged guys. Motorcycle manufacturers lure older buyers with a promise of a return to their youth and vitality: Male bystanders watch with a mixture of respect and envy, as the women of the town are smitten by the eye candy rolling into town. The riders wink at the ladies and act like the masters of all that they beheld, since they could now afford the luxury of motoring slowly through town.

Yea, and everything else in the universe is also reduced to a cultural stereotype.

My point in all of this is, WHO CARES?

If a guy wants to ride a motorcycle after spending his life chasing the dollar let him have his 2nd Summer.

I agree that Harley’ are loud and obnoxious. So is my stereo system.

Getting older is a drag, folks. We’re gonna act out.

This is because there’s not a damn thing we can do about universal absolutes, so we will absolutely, positively garnish the journey to make the ride smoother.

I might add that many guys ride for charities, raising lots of money for good causes. Others just for the hell of it. So what?

These guys are tough enough to deflect your punchlines, ageist stereotypes, and general ridicule.

Time Magazine in June of 2014, wrote “It’s bike night at the Harley-Davidson Museum near downtown Milwaukee . . . bike night in Milwaukee sure looks like Old White Guy’s Night.”

Green with envy.

~~~

Life is supposed to have a beginning, a middle and an end. The same ones, usually.

But for many, myself included, the story arcs are backwards.

How to Maintain a Fit, Lean and Strong Physique Without Pharmaceutical Testosterone

I know I know…no one can possibly stay in top shape without drugs. Blah blah blah. I’ve heard it a million times … and then some.

Obviously, I’ve heard a lot of bullshit in my life.

With this as background noise, I train at a health club filled with educated and successful older men and women who are in complete denial about anything involving aging.

Their motto is “If I can afford to avoid it, I’m all in.”

What they’re referring to is pharmaceutical grade testosterone, dispensed by a circle of multimillionaire physicians in Houston who know their clientele better than they know themselves, which is not saying much, but whatever. Life’s a food chain and somebody always loses even when they think they’re winning.

These physicians know that vanity is what drives this train, and by pandering to this affliction they acquire “lifers” who are patients until the day they die, which is usually sooner than later.

Death notwithstanding, it’s still a good business decision.

REASONS TO USE

The most common reasons people take these drugs are to acquire [and/or maintain] lean mass, build strength and acquire stamina – without having to beat the living crap out of themselves in the gym. If these are your goals, and side-effects are irrelevant given the fact that you’re only in it for the here and now, drugs are the way to go.

But what happens when a middle-aged man opts out of testosterone supplementation?

Does he fall apart?

Does his sex life automatically fail?

Does depression stomp him to oblivion?

Actually, none of the above.

Note: Some men do suffer from a medical condition known as hypogonadism, which requires treatment, including testosterone supplementation. Conditions known to cause hypogonadism are obesity, diabetes [type 2], liver or kidney disease, hormonal disorders or infections. In such patients, testosterone therapy is recommended. For everyone else, it’s recommended when they have the ability to pay for it.

If you want to stay fit, lean and strong without drugs, you will have to do the following without fail, which includes adjusting your expectations.

Step One:

Medical Evaluation

Have your blood drawn to determine your testosterone levels [Note: You may have to have the test run a couple of times to get a solid baseline].

After the results are in, your physician [if he’s reputable] will tell you whether or not you fall into the “normal” range. If so, he will NOT prescribe testosterone.

This particular step is bypassed altogether by less than scrupulous physicians who simply ask you how you feel.

If you say something along the lines of “I’ve been feeling a bit lethargic lately, or “My sex drive isn’t what it was at 17,” you get a scrip and designer syringe pouch.

Step two:

Hire a personal trainer.

If you’re not a veteran gym rat, you’ll need help getting started. Even if you’ve spent the better part of your life under the iron, you’ll need someone to keep an eye on your form and to motivate you when you get down on yourself for not performing the way you did 30 years ago.

This is what you pay the big bucks for and why it’s worth it no matter how much it is.

Then tell your trainer exactly what your goals are so that he or she can tell you whether or not you’re out of your mind.

This is a crucial first step in any successful relationship as any psychiatrist will corroborate.

My regimen is 5 days on, two off.

Monday-Wednesday-Friday: Strength training weights and cross fit style movements.

I train – with my trainer – for an hour. Then I do stretching, rolling and abs on my own for another 30 minutes.

Tuesday-Thursday: Mixed cardio, stretching, and foam rolling for an hour, total.

Saturday-Sunday: Rest.

So we’re talking about 6 1/2 to 7 hours a week of training. No big deal. Really.

Step Three:

Nutrition.

Eating healthy is a pain in the ass, but the way it makes you look and feel more than make up for what it’s become: Fuel and nothing more. You can allow yourself a few indulgences here and there, but understand that whatever you take in you have to kick out.

Step Four:

Rest and Recovery

As most of us know too well, days off are usually depressing. The reason for this is simple: We don’t feel the highs.

In the absence of endorphin, our bodies feel sluggish.

Some describe it as blood like molasses.

This is normal, but over time you will be able to conquer your withdrawal symptoms, though I’ve yet to do it.

Understand that addiction is what it is for a reason.

Step Five:

Balance

This is one of the most difficult hurdles for anyone in the fitness game because it’s so nebulous.

In layman’s terms, balance means having a life outside of the gym.

Weird, right?

It may involve spending time with family and friends, going to a museum, taking in a sporting event –– anything that doesn’t involve the gym or working out, including discussions about the gym or working out.

Note: Workout addicts find themselves unable to discuss anything that doesn’t involve working out because it’s their only frame of reference, and because discussing it while not actually doing it is better than nothing at all.

SUMMARY

You will never look the way you did at 25, drugs or no drugs. Aging is a natural part of life. While many people think that we should all age backwards, I’ve yet to see anyone accomplish this.

The best we can do is find peace through the combination of acceptance and challenge.

As a Baby Boomer, I have to get real about where I am in life no matter how far outside the two standard deviations I may be.

I am still mortal, and no drugs are going to change it.

I could be leaner, veins spread out like a squid across my fat-depleted arms, abs and chest.

Some have described the look as something out of a Marvel Comic, which is where culture [and reality, in general] is headed within a certain demographic.

Postscript

Some have postulated that Hollywood actors who appear to put on massive amounts of muscle for their movies in a very short amount of time are able to accomplish this through extreme diet and lighting. But i can absolutely, positively assure you that for anyone over the age of 50, putting on that much lean mass while losing weight is impossible without help from your local pharmacy.

November 2024
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