‘Dad Bod’ Coming to a Store Near You!

Mattel’s new ‘Dad Bod’ doll…

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3425007/Where-s-Dad-Bod-Ken-Twitter-calls-plastic-doll-beer-belly-Mattel-s-curvy-new-Barbie-unveiled.html

One of the many sacrifices we health-oriented older men make is the enjoyment of eating bad things that taste good.

To us, food is fuel. Nothing more.

I know. Depressing, right?

Not really.

See, the payoff is not looking [and feeling] like a Mattel ‘Dad Bod’ doll.

For those of you who don’t already know, ‘Dad Bod’ is the physical representation of what the typical middle-aged man looks like.

Of course, I don’t know any of these people personally because I live in a big city.

Here, pot bellies constitute Class-A misdemeanors, punishable by hard time at a “wellness” center that specializes in testosterone implants, orals and injectables, coupled with psychiatric counseling for clinical depression.

However, in smaller places where appearance and good health are secondary to gluttony and death in slow motion, being too fit after a certain age is a Class-A felony.

Alpha Woman Blues

Excerpt from #urbandystrophy, the book:

Some unpleasant facts:

“[Successful] Men do not give a crap how successful a woman is. This is why you see very successful men marrying bartenders, flight attendants, and spin class instructors. What do we call the very tiny percentage of men who do care? Gold-diggers.

Women do care how successful a man is. This does not make them gold-diggers, unlike men who feel the same way.

These two basics mean this: (1) The more successful a man becomes, the greater his choices are when it comes to women, since he can date any level of successful woman, and (2) the more successful a woman becomes, the lesser her choices are when it comes to men, since she wants to date a man at least close to her in success.

A successful man can choose from you and a billion other women, and as a successful woman, you can only choose from less than 1% of men.

Men love very feminine women, and often equate successful women’s “power” with masculine energy, much as most men see female bodybuilders as having the same. Is this fair? I don’t say. All is fair in love and war to the victor, and none to the vanquished. This is why you don’t find so many single “caregivers”—nurses, waitresses, child care workers, and so on.

How does a woman get around this? She marries in grad school or newly-minted. At that point, a man still sees her as feminine. They have kids, and bind/bond together. Some of these relationships last even when the woman develops that same powerful masculine energy, and some do not. Finding a non-gold-digging man, after developing this masculine energy, is almost impossible.

You need to understand that men are not “intimidated” by you and your friends. They are simply not attracted to you.

Finally, your comment that your single, successful male friends were “having too much fun” to marry says it all—even though I managed to “date” (read “sleep with”) plenty of beautiful girls and women, I was beyond thrilled to meet a woman my own age at 34—who I married—and find a best friend I respect to spend my life with. My life went from “having fun” to living life. We are childless by choice—”child-free”—and continue to travel on our voyage of creative projects and leisure.

You made choices, and you should accept them. Blaming men for being “intimidated” is bullshit. You have simply become someone that men don’t particularly want to hook up with, compared to a nurturing, feminine waitress.

Hope this helped and that you can accept a nice gold-digger into your life—there is NOTHING wrong with that. Men do it all the time, and find happiness.” Anonymous

~~~

To be fair, older men in the absence of money are in the same boat.

We both need something to sell.

Again, it’s all in Urban Dystrophy.

The Cure for Existential Angst, Guaranteed.

Three years ago my trainer stitched this together this little as a reminder to me that aging doesn’t always follow a predictable path, that it is possible to slow it all down — including the fading relevance older men often feel when they can no longer throw a baseball without looking like an ex-president during one of those ceremonial first pitches.

Life only wins when you fade, not when you die. j.r.

Can You Spot a 21st Century Gold Digger? I Doubt It.

Couple of nice girls just looking for love…

A few buds out for a game and shot at a vacation on someone else’s dime…

It cuts both ways.

“In the long history of humankind (and animal kind, too) those who learned to collaborate and improvise most effectively have prevailed.”
― Charles Darwin

Here are two articles you might find interesting:

http://nypost.com/2014/04/16/can-you-spot-gold-digger/

http://www.forbes.com/sites/larissafaw/2015/07/28/watch-out-ladies-millennial-men-are-gold-diggers/#5b768b19646a

Gold-digging [aka prostitution] has been around for the entire length and breath of human history.

The problem today, however, is that motive is no longer obvious. In fact, it’s evolved in stealth to what many consider an art form…where PhD level courses will soon be necessary to decode the tell-tale subtleties and innuendo.

~~~

POINTS OF INTEREST on GOLD-DIGGING [in general]

1] Gold diggers are such a problem in NYC, one woman has set up an agency that proclaims it will weed them out.

2] Cautious men need to know that women they’re interested in have jobs with sizable incomes [six figures is expected], be independent and live alone.

3] Successful women seek out equally successful men because, like men, they expect a “perfect 10” for their efforts.

4] “Millennial males are less likely than males of the Gen X and Boomer generations to equate romance with happiness,” says Denise Delahorne, SVP Group Strategy Director, DDB US.

5] “Overall, they [Millennial males] are a group of people who believe they are better than other people, and their own happiness and well being takes precedence over the needs of others.”

6] “Millennials overall, and Millennial men in particular, are more likely to think their own happiness is more important than the happiness of others Millennials overall, and Millennial men in particular, are also more likely to think that they deserve to be famous and hope to be famous one day.”

7] “I think we can’t lose sight of the fact that this is a generation that grew up at a time when attitudes about marriage and divorce really changed.”

8] “...we certainly can’t ignore the fact that they [Millennial men] feel that they can always get out of the marriage if they want to — and this is certainly something that we see frequently in popular culture.”

9] Millennial men are also more likely to want to have a prenuptial agreement than males of other generations (32% vs. 25% of Gen X males and 17% of Boomer males) perhaps because they are more likely to be viewing marriage as a financial/contractual arrangement as much as a romantic partnership.

10] There are five million members on SeekingArrangement. Overall, the site has 3.8 million Sugar Babies, and 12% are male: 460,000. Moreover, this is an 84% jump in male Sugar Baby membership from the start of 2014.

ACCORDING TO THE POST ARTICLE, HERE ARE 5 WAYS TO SPOT A GOLD-DIGGER

Matchmaker Janis Spindel asks ladies looking to date her high-end male clients to pen a 2,500-word bio and fill out an extensive questionnaire. Here are her five rules for spotting a gold digger:

1. A woman who is obsessed with dating a successful man — and knowing what his salary is.

2. A lack of a job is a telltale sign a woman is looking for someone to support her. “Women must have [jobs],” says Spindel. “It gives them a sense of confidence, allows them to support themselves and keeps them busy during the day.”

3. She complains about Spindel’s fee of $1,000 for a one-on-one meeting.

4. A woman who makes unreasonable demands: “If they tell me they must date a man with a plane, I say ‘Sayonara.’”

5. A lady who asks the wrong questions: “When they ask me how many homes my client has, they’re inquiring for the wrong reasons.”

COMMENTS

These points are all far too obvious, as most successful gold-diggers could pass a polygraph with flying colors.

FINAL COMMENTS

How did we get here?

Millennials say feminism is the root of the problem.

They tell me…

1] Women are waiting longer before marriage and children…so they’re no settling down.

2] They also have strong career motives, which they also expect of their mates.

3] They feel entitled to the same sexual freedom as men, which yields a new world man with a vagina.

So what’s the incentive for young women to date young men?

Nothing, really.

Unless, of course, it’s just sex, in which case they need an online alias if they want to protect their reputations and high-end jobs from blackmail and other forms of extortion.

~~~

In closing, here are some passages from my new book, Urban Dystrophy, currently selling like hotcakes on Amazon.

A FEW KEY FACTS TO MALE BABY-BOOMERS OF A CERTAIN SOCIOECONOMIC DEMOGRAPHIC

When you’re twenty-five, women who seriously date you do so for your looks, personality, education, and ability to earn (or somehow, inherit).

When you’re fifty, women who resemble the ones you dated at twenty-five (because they are twenty-five) do so for the perceived security you are able to provide them—both financial and emotional—coupled with a predisposition towards generosity.

Gold diggers flourish in big cities where there are few predators and an abundant food source. Please do not confuse the metaphor.

Watch out for three vulnerabilities they look to target—frustration, boredom, and privilege—the same ingredients necessary to transform a corporate executive with a Harvard MBA into a blackmail statistic.

It doesn’t matter how many boards you sit on, how many ex-wives you have, or how much your children love you. When everything falls apart, including your children, gold-diggers only care about your financial condition.

Remember that women interested in the likes of you operate in survival mode. While it has been postulated that some possess feelings that border on empathy—particularly towards their young, and in some instances, their spouses—survival still hinges on instinct.

You may live in a large urban area because you enjoy the culture, shopping experience, and fine dining, but you’re also a line item on someone else’s balance sheet.

Every man like you with a penchant for youth and beauty will inevitably meet a woman anxious to exploit him.

Men never grow up. If they did, gold-diggers would go extinct.

In case you’re wondering, the same rules apply to women when approaching a male member of this group. It’s a gender-neutral career path.

In exchange for a certain lifestyle, gold-diggers are prepared to barter whatever they have in exchange for whatever they don’t. While this may sound cold and calculating in the context of “love,” some of the country’s most celebrated philanthropists were once strippers, showgirls, and Pilates instructors. (No offense to Pilates instructors.)

Dennis Quaid at 61

http://www.tmz.com/2016/01/05/dennis-quaid-abs-photo/

Dennis Quaid is 6’0″, #175 at what looks to be well below 10% body fat.

By comparison, I’m 6’1″, #230 at 13% body fat, which places me in the top 1% of my age group.

Most people consider this extraordinarily fit.

But I’m not shredded like a slab of turkey jerky, and herein lies the rub.

See, in order to put on – and hold – lean muscle mass at less then 10% body fat [at age 61!], you’ll need help of the preternatural kind.

To wit, Quaid has more lean, angular mass on his shoulders and arms than any man his age can normally produce without “help.”

I’m not accusing him of steroid use because I don’t know him. Maybe he’s a genetic freak. I’ve seen a few in my day.

For everyone else, pulling off tons of lean mass with low body fat is impossible without tinkering with testosterone levels.

What? You think we’re immortal?

Since when do men our age look like Quaid?

Some of you may consider him too lean, too small…kind of ragged, wasted even.

But for men who want this look, it can be acquired at “wellness” clinics and individual physicians operating throughout the United States.

REALITY

1] If you want to perform at levels similar to what you achieved at age 30, you will need a lot more than hard work coupled with a hope and a prayer.

2] I’m not judging, just exposing the truth.

3] You have to decide if the consequences of steroid use are worth the risks.

4] Denial is the mother of delusion.

5] I don’t care how Dennis Quaid chooses to live his life. His job is to entertain, not inspire.

Just trying to keep it real around here.

Rich Men Prefer Skinny Women: New Research Exposé

Ss I stated many times before [on this blog], wealthy women prefer to date their financial equals and those withing a few years of their age.

Men? Not so much [on either count].

According to researchers at Chapman University in Orange, Calif., a new study to be published in the January 2016 edition of the peer-reviewed academic journal “Personality and Individual Differences,” validates what I have always believed, that men with more education had strong preferences for female partners who were “good looking,” “slender,” and “younger.” Some 95% of men with an advanced degree said it was “essential” that their partner was “good looking” versus 77% of those with a high school education or less, and 84% of those men said it was essential that their partner was slender versus just 12% of those with a high school education or less.

So what does it all mean?

A depressing confirmation of the worst gender stereotypes that suggests the dating game has not progressed much in the last 100 years? And maybe 1000 if you want to get technical about it.

Using an example from the animal kingdom, “Female bower birds select males with the nicest nest, and in many insects, the female selects a male who offers her a nice gift of prey he has captured.”

Translation: Women prefer nice neighborhoods with swimming pools, just like insects.

Furthermore men prefer slender bodies, which are associated with youth.

As the body’s metabolism slows as one grows older and, slender physiques could represent fertility for men.

I might also add that, beyond the specter of fertility, slender women look better in Chanel and are easier to physically dominate, which is a big deal for many.

The study may help people understand why the advertising industry (and society) puts so much emphasis on women being thin. And it may also throw light on why men strive so aggressively for higher income and assertively negotiate for raises.

Their income clearly affects not only their ability to pay for dates but also their likelihood of attracting a beautiful young, slender partner who looks good in Chanel.

As we all know, men are more visual than women and women have a stronger need to be taken care of both emotionally and financially.

So people with desirable traits are in a position to be more selective.

The study found that both genders reported nearly equally that being with someone physically attractive “to them” is important, which is at least hopeful because it allows for physical imperfections — not the unattainable physical flawlessness we’re bombarded with every day in the media.

Nonetheless, I have seen men with more money than God check each and every line item and then choose the more perfect human female the planet has ever witnessed. Of course, what people want and what they actually get are two different things.
If, for example, a man wants a physically flawless woman with a warm heart, he usually gets only one of them. There’s only so much you can expect from a mating dynamic based on a cold-blooded exchange of commodities.

REAL WORLD PREFERENCES OF AFFLUENT OLDER MEN AND THE WOMEN IN THEIR LIVES:

1] Slender women are preferred because they look best in designer apparel.

2] Slender women are preferred because they look better educated, and thus, more sophisticated.

3] Slender women are preferred because they are easy to physically dominate.

4] Slender women are preferred because in more sophisticated circles, image is everything.

5] Slender women are preferred because the chances of them becoming obese down the road are far less probable.

Notice I didn’t mention anything whatsoever about character.

This is because men with money assume that women who crave it will just fall in line.

And while they appear to do just that, their reasons for doing have more to do with attracting even wealthier men who expect the same thing.

Coming to Terms With Aging […without visiting the “Devil’s Crossroads”]

John Patrick McEnroe, Jr., 56

We all reach a point where we realize we are no longer in our physical prime.

We blame everyone – and everything – but ourselves.

Many of us live in denial until we start tripping over our delusions, one after the next, until we come to terms kicking and screaming.

John McEnroe comes to mind.

For him, life has always been a nightmare, which apparently hasn’t abated much to this very day.

Both talented and tempestuous, he bludgeoned his way to 17 Grand Slam titles before falling victim to the very angst that made him a champion, back when youth forgave most transgressions.

This is not where you want to be at middle age.

I’ve been an athlete – active in sports and weight training – for the vast majority of my life, and I’ve had my fair share of injuries. Most of them I’ve forgotten, some won’t let me.

Nonetheless, I still go to the gym and bust my ass: multiple dead-lifts, wall balls, crunches to failure – you get the picture – but my body doesn’t heal the way it used to.

My joints ache, my muscles are tighter, and there always some nagging injury.

It’s at these times that the thought starts to creep in my mind, “It’s not that I can’t do this, but should I?”

The simple answer is, I don’t know. No one does.

My doctor runs every test in the book and declares I’m fit to be tied, but I know that he knows it’s mixed blessings.

I’m technically healthy enough to do what I do, but I also know the recovery time will be two or three times what it was back in my 20’s – and rest will not be a casual decision, but a necessity.

There are times I leave the gym thinking I’m too exhausted even to drive home, and I’m sure the I am not alone.

We all pay a heavy price to keep up with where we were, which is our first mistake because we are no longer where we were.

60 is not 20 no matter how you spin the narrative.

This is where coming to terms with myself, my ego, and my competitive nature has been the hardest thing I’ve ever faced.

Thankfully, the school of hard knocks has finally pounded into me that as I age my self worth should not and, for the sake of sanity, cannot be tied to physical performance.

I simply cannot allow physical performance to trump inner strength.

I am only human and my youth was a fleeting stretch of life some 25 years ago, a lifetime for many pro athletes.

My advice to all of you in my age demographic [Baby Boomers] is to stay as active as your body will allow, explore new hobbies [if you don’t already have 10 or 15 like me], live a balanced life, and enjoy yourself.

While my absolute performance in certain physical endeavors may have declined with advancing years, the enjoyment of my journey, however different, is something that will never fade.

KEY POINTS TO REMEMBER

1] Beliefs about aging are sometimes more powerful than the physical changes themselves.

2] Ignore people who say things like “Why are you doing that? You’re going to hurt yourself!” It’s just projection, so, like I said, ignore it.

3] Psychological skills are a bigger part of your training than anything else.

4] Skills develop through practice, which is why people half your age can’t do many of the things you’ve been doing for years, so there’s an upside.

5] Your own performance in a given sport is relative to your age. The rest you make up in attitude.

6] Stop comparing yourself to that of 20-year-olds. Most of them won’t be even close to where you are when they grow up.

7] Be patient with yourself…and kind. Beating up on yourself is not going to somehow reverse time.

8] Hire a personal trainer if you can afford it. Having said this, I’ve learned that it’s more expensive not having one.

9] Get plenty of rest.

10] Keep a psychotherapist and massage therapist on speed dial.

and…

11] For God’s sake, don’t end up like John McEnroe.

10 Essential New Year’s Resolutions [You Can Actually Achieve]

If you’re anything like me, you’ve noticed that you’re older than you used to be.

With this in mind, here are a few things you can do to improve your situation:

1] Accept the fact that media and reality are two entirely different things, even if you’re the only one buying it.

2] Understand that your sense of relevance is tied to the health of both your physical body and your financial portfolio in equal measure.

3] Know that dating beautiful young women is a minefield, not because they’re difficult to find, but because they’re difficult to read.

4] Understand that women who embrace their own objectivity will expect you to pay for it.

5] Look at life more from the perspective of a human food chain and you’ll find love in the most unexpected places.

6] Embrace psychotherapy when you feel uncomfortable talking to anyone else, but understand that it can be as addictive as heroin, and sometimes, just as expensive.

7] Practice mindfulness before delusion plays stand in for sanity.

8] Realize that life doesn’t care about you, so you have to figure our how to care about yourself. It still won’t care, but whatever.

9] Accept the fact that not taking your meds is the same as committing infidelity.

10] Worrying about not achieving your New Year’s resolutions is worse than simply not achieving them, so think carefully before committing to anything.

Now you have 10 New Year’s resolutions that will serve you better than diets and exercise by a factor of 1000.

Is Youth, In Fact, Wasted on The Young?

Hardly.

Does anyone actually believe that a bunch of rich and entitled Baby Boomer rock stars could create The Dark Side of the Moon?

The following is a list of 10 Boomers who followed a similar fate:

1] David Bowie

2] Mick Jagger

3] Eric Clapton

4] Robert Plant

5] Jimmy Page

6] Bob Dylan

7] Billy Joel

8] Elton John

9] Alice Cooper

10 Neil Young.

Obviously, there’s something to be said for youth and immortality, in spite of the contradiction in terms.

10 Ways to Getg Through the Holidays Without Landing Back in Therapy

As everyone knows, the holidays are psychologically challenging.

Pharmacies are sold out of sedatives and liquor sales go through the roof.

Of course, children don’t know anything about this because reality is kept at arm’s length so we can live vicariously through them.

~~~

The holiday season often brings along stress and depression – to name just two [a thousand come to mind].

And no wonder.

The holidays present a ridiculous array of demands — parties, shopping, cooking, cleaning, interacting with people you haven’t seen in a long time under fragile pretenses.

But with some practical tips, you can minimize the stress.

You may even end up enjoying the holidays more than you thought you would, which is better than nothing.

According to the Mayo Clinic staff, here are 10 ways to keep stress on the low end of crazy:

1] Acknowledge your feelings. If someone close to you has recently died or you can’t be with loved ones, realize that it’s normal to feel sadness and grief.

It’s OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can’t force yourself to be happy just because it’s the holiday season.

2] Reach out If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious or other social events. They can offer support and companionship. Volunteering your time to help others also is a good way to lift your spirits and broaden your friendships.

3] Be realistic. The holidays don’t have to be perfect or just like last year.

As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well.

Choose a few to hold on to, and be open to creating new ones. For example, if your adult children can’t come to your house, find new ways to celebrate together, such as sharing pictures, emails or videos.

4] Set aside differences. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don’t live up to all of your expectations.

Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion.

And be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry.

Chances are they’re feeling the effects of holiday stress and depression, too

5] Stick to a budget. Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget.

Don’t try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts

6] Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, visiting friends and other activities.

Plan your menus and then make your shopping list.

That will help prevent last-minute scrambling to buy forgotten ingredients.

And make sure to line up help for party prep and cleanup.

7] Learn to say no. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed.

Friends and colleagues will understand if you can’t participate in every project or activity.

If it’s not possible to say no when your boss asks you to work overtime, try to remove something else from your agenda to make up for the lost time

8] Don’t abandon healthy habits. Don’t let the holidays become a free-for-all.

Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt.

9] Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do.

Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring inner calm

10] Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores.

If these feelings last for a while, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.

According to reality as I know it, here are my top 10[not that I’m dismissing any of the aforementioned]:

1] Schedule a therapy appointment

[at least a month in advance of the holidays so you don’t have to go back for another 3].

2] Make sure your medications are up to date and readily available

[in the event of an unforeseen catastrophe, including all of them].

3] Make sure to plan for time to workout.

The stress relief will help defray the cost of refills.

4] Meditate.

What I do is stare at my hands and see if I can get my fingers to stop shaking.

5] Wear something comfortable to gatherings so you can stretch out and cross your legs when tensions run high.

I find myself massaging my feet a lot.

6] Drink.

Don’t get wasted, but a pleasant buzz will help pass the time as you read the liner notes on a Pink Floyd CD compendium.

7] Breathe deeply and often.

When someone asks you what’s wrong, just tell them you like to breathe a lot. That usually does the trick.

8] Bring headphones.

I have found that headphones are a great way to break through stressful situations, even if you have to put them on during bathroom breaks.

9] Pretend to pay attention.

Even if the conversation is boring enough to trigger unconsciousness, just smile and stare into space. I know everyone’s crown molding by heart.

10] Accept the fact that your nieces and nephews are younger than you are, and will probably find a way to challenge your chronological authority.

This is normal, particularly with males, as they attempt to bludgeon their way to the top of the human food chain.

Whatever they say, just nod and go back to staring at the crown molding.

FINAL NOTE

It is a myth that suicide rates are higher during holidays than at other times of the year.

This is because holidays maximize social connection for most people, no matter what it may look or feel like.

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