Posts Tagged → existentialism

Vacations a Nightmare

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Unless vacations involve work, they’re something I generally dread.

Studies and experts extol the virtues of taking a break because they supposedly mitigate burnout and make you more productive.

But I’m not boxed in a cubicle 8 hours a day doing something I hate.

Vacations to me involve going to the gym after doing something else I love to do at home.

I’m away from cameras, computers and cellphones, but now I’m surrounded by weights, gym noise and other stuff I find equally fulfilling in a different way — and it doesn’t cost me a dime of inconvenience.

I always come back energized, and my therapist tells me this helps cut back on pharmaceutical bills.

My workouts are followed by a healthy lunch at the gym that takes 5 minutes to prepare and won’t kill me in under a week, unlike most restaurants.

I drive home, take a 30 minute nap and I’m back in the saddle. What’s not to love?

My single friends love to travel because they’re addicted to fantasy. They also don’t have to make arrangements for other people or pets because there aren’t any.

I might also add that they love to drink in spite of being health nuts.

There are exceptions.

Rock climbers have to leave Houston.

If I have an opening or a book signing in another city, I know it will offset the pain in the ass of disturbing my routine.

If, however, someone suggests going to the Bahamas or Cabo for the weekend, I don’t get it.

Why would I want to do that?

Again, if I were single and living in an empty apartment, I might.

No worries. Get an airline ticket using miles, land on a beach and start drinking.

Simple.

When I got back, I’d stare into an empty space that reminded me of why I spent so many years of my life on the couch, and would immediately start fantasizing about my next weekender.

My entire career was spent pretty much in the air.

I traveled constantly.

Many times I caught myself asking flight attendants which city I was landing in, and occasionally, which country.

Soon, everything started looking alike. One city had modern architecture, another a blend, and still others just plain grass huts.

After a while, it didn’t matter. I just wanted to be home.

Perhaps I’m jaded. No, I am jaded, and I’m okay with that.

I remember reading all those online ads written by single women who inevitably stated a preference for endless travel.

Of course they did. They hated their lives. They wanted fantasy, romance, excitement enough to shock them out of the nightmare they faced every day they opened their eyes to another faded litany of dreams.

For me, travel is kind of like this:

1] Book 2.5 tickets to California [we have to bring my girlfriend’s Pomeranian because she can’t sleep without her].

2] I have to hire a house sitter to check in on our two cats and French Bulldog who gets depressed when he’s not entertained.

3] Go through airport security with a Pomeranian that doesn’t take kindly to strangers with wands.

4] Hope the flight isn’t delayed because the Pomeranian is on a pee schedule.

5] Get to the destination, look for luggage, hope to find luggage, get in a car that takes us through traffic to a hotel.

6] Arrive at hotel and hope the suite we booked is ready.

7] Go to said suite and discover there is no edible food. So we call room service, which takes 30 minutes and charges $100 for some fruit and an assortment of cheeses.

Then we go to dinner across town — exhausted — but not before waiting 10 minutes for an elevator during dinner hours, paying valets just to open a cab door, and trying to communicate with a cab driver in English.

Seriously? Seriously.

I could go on and on with this, but you get my point.

Back at the farm, we could be waking up from a nap before jumping in the pool, playing with the dogs, having a clean, healthy meal over wine before dabbling in work – or engaging in extracurricular play – before immersing ourselves in a Jacuzzi in preparation for an hour or so of Criminal Minds on our Macbooks or tablets.

That’s life.

People are so funny.

They go someplace for a weekend and the first thing they do is post selfies of themselves on a beach with a margarita in their hands, surrounded by “friends.”

Most will never tell you they contracted food poisoning, sat in airports for 5 additional hours, or fell on the floor when they looked at their hotel bills.

They want you to think it was all a wonderful, wonderful experience they had and you didn’t.

No wonder so many of them look beat to shit.

~~~

With this as a backdrop, I’m going to be completely honest with you about something:

If I had the funds for a full-time house manager, a private jet, and unlimited resources to spend without the slightest concern, I would pro0bably travel more than a couple times a year.

But not many more.

No wonder my brief stint with online dating was a dismal failure.

How to Combat Aging: Real World Strategies

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/susan-krauss-whitbourne/combat-ageism_b_9720708.html

Coming from someone who has handled the aging process about as well as a chicken about to be thrown into a jet turbine to test its ability to vaporize it without stalling, you will disintegrate to one degree or another no matter how much you spend, how much you do, or how much genetics are in your camp.

Live the perfect stress-free life, visit Aspen every 5 minutes, get daily massages, mud packs, holistic body treatments, facial fillers, Botox injections, face lifts, collagen, but no matter what you do, you can’t beat the shit out of time.

The best you can do is look better than your neighbors, which is something you can always count on at HOA meetings no matter how depressed you are about everything else.

Aside from the aforementioned obvious, there is a deeply psychological consequence of aging in we men that involves our primal role as protectors.

In short [because I know you don’t want to read a psych lecture], when men begin to feel physically challenged, their self-esteem hits the floor. And even when we are in exemplary condition for our age, we are always and forever looking back at where we once were. It’s inevitable. We all do it. And we all feel like crap about it no matter how much we are still able to do.

But there are a few things we can do to put an end to the misery, or, at least, hold it in abeyance while we get back into therapy.

Here they are:

1] Try to feel optimistic about aging.

Yea, right. There is nothing to look forward to about aging. Nothing. You’re just here. The best you can do is make the most of what’s left. So no, I’m not a fan of being older.

Is there any good news?

There is some:

      a] You get into fewer fistfights because younger men don’t consider you an equal match anymore than they do women.

      b] You have more money, so you can buy women who would not otherwise date you.

      c] People hold the door for you unlike the old days when they let it slam you in the face.

     d] There are planned communities filled with people your age, and with beach views.

      e] You get prescription drug discounts.

     f] People tell you how great you look when it’s not true.

      g] Young people look at you like you’re completely insane when you talk to them, but they still allow you to do it because they’re no longer afraid of you.

     h] The first person police question are the young adults. 

      i] Nobody expects much of you in the gym, so when you are reasonably competitive you get more kudos than you can count.

      j] Forgetting your own phone number is considered normal, and therefore, will not affect you job prospects since you’re not applying.

2] Avoid “senior moment” traps at all cost.

Never discuss your minor health issues to anyone but your physician or personal trainer. No one else your age wants to be reminded of where they are, and younger people dismiss you as irrelevant. It’s their way of squashing what they consider to be an existential threat, mainly because it is.

Instead, allude to what you’ve accomplished in your life and what your next adventure will be.

3] Have your affairs in order, but don’t bring this up in casual conversation under any circumstances, including all of them. 

One guy in my gym started talking about his living will and suddenly he had no one to talk to. Still doesn’t.

4] Understand and embrace technology.

Frankly, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t understand technology other than people in their 80’s. This is an even greater reason to make sure you are still of this world.

5] Ignore people will call you out on your age.

You’re going to get this at some point or another — the ribbing about where you are versus where you once were. Ignore it. Move on.

Getting upset about it will validate everything they just said.

Their time is coming.

6] There’s a “fountain of youth” clinic on every street corner [you best avoid]. 

You’re vulnerable, too hopeful for your own good. And for every soft target there are predators waiting to pounce on your insecurities.

My advice is to find a great Internist, stay in the best shape of your life, and keep your expectations in check.

If you check too many boxes you’ll start experiencing life through the eyes of a once great athlete who thinks he has another season in him, even if no one else thinks so, including his coaches and physicians.

~~~

when i allow it to be
there’s no control over me
i have my fears
but they do not have me

Peter Gabriel, Darkness

The Often Overlooked Differences Between Youth and Middle Age

youthAny one of these people could have rolled out of bed 10 minutes ago.

 

older-couples-getty

If any of these people rolled out of bed 10 minutes ago instead of several hours ago after hair and make-up for this photo shoot, they’d frighten children.

~~~

Last night we went attending the opening of a new art gallery in Houston.

No big deal, right?

Hardly.

But before I get into this, allow me to offer some perspective.

When I was 25, going out was a straight line between the thought and the front door: I put on some clothes and walked out knowing I looked presentable no matter what I looked like.

If I hadn’t combed my hair, it probably looked better than it would if I spent an hour in front of the mirror with sprays and gels.

My skin was, you know, young,  my jawline sharp. Rarely did I see bloodshot eyes no matter what I did to myself the night before.

And by the way, there also wasn’t a single, solitary hair anyplace other than where it was from the time I was 14.

In short, I was ripe for breeding.

Then time passed…and I didn’t die.

Some say we linger no matter what we actually do, but to the point: I was no longer able to do what I didn’t have to do back in the day.

No, this is not what you want to hear, I get it. Believe me, I know. But we’re here and this is what we have to deal with if we want to, you know, linger.

Now lingering is also relative, so there’s some hope if you’re willing – and/or able – to read between the lines.

For example, people are not static images on a two-dimensional page, so there’s that.

In reality, there’s money and experience and a whole lot of other stuff that creates a composite that often acts as a carbon credit against physical attrition.

But no matter what an older adult has in their favor, they cannot escape an aging appearance, which requires propping up every step of the way in order to maintain some degree of objective attractiveness.

Some things are simply not subjective no matter how you spin the narrative.

So how does all of this translate?

1] Dentists handle our teeth, which, of course, involves regular cleanings – but also crowns, veneers, whitening, bonding…and root canals to name a few more.

2] Then there’s the hair-where-it-doesn’t-belong thing. We either visit a stylist [usually the case with women], or we do it ourselves, with often catastrophic results. 

3] Did I mention diet? Yea, if you want to make it into your 50’s without type-2 diabetes and/or every other imaginable health problem, you have to eat clean, with the exception of one “cheat” meal per week.

4] You have to get plenty of sleep, and I mean 8 hours of sleep each and every night if you plan to remember your mother’s name.

5] You will be forced to conform to a certain set of standards required of adults in nice neighborhoods.

For example:

a] You cannot walk out of your home bare-chested, or in a wife beater, or in your underwear without being branded clinically insane and an imminent danger to neighborhood children.

          b] You cannot punch out your neighbor for being noisy on a Sunday morning. Instead you will contact your HOA or local police and let them handle it for you. 

          c] You will abstain from contentious remarks or unnecessary cursing, lest you be excluded from HOA meetings that will now involve discussion about what to do about you. 

6] You will stay in reasonable shape, which your personal trainer will help ensure.

7] If your wife or girlfriend is significantly younger than you, expect not to invited to social functions involving age-appropriate wives.

8] Nobody cares if you’re a member of the LGBT community as long as your home and lawn are well manicured.

9] If you own a vehicle not on the acceptable vehicle list, you will be labelled curious, and usually outright dismissed.

a] Acceptable adult vehicles include, Range Rover, Lexus, Porsche, Chevrolet Yukons and Suburbans, Mini, Audi, BMW, Jaguar, Maserati, Ferrari and classic muscle cars in pristine condition. I may have missed one or two, but you get my point. Lamborghini is considered     white trash no matter how much money you have. 

         b] Vehicles on the kill list included any late model muscle car and Econoline vans.

10] Finally [for the moment] you must know the law. If not, you can and will be sued for anything and everything imaginable, including everything.

a] Understand that many affluent people are bored out of their minds, particularly if they’re in bad physical shape, hate their wives, or suffer clinical depression stemming from fading relevance, leaving them staring down the barrel of destiny. Thus, always be considerate of others, understand that you live in a neighborhood of which you are a member [not a king], and abide by the statutes set forth by your home owner’s association. While your kids can do pretty much anything they want, leveraging youth against bad behavior, the buck will always stop with you.

Yes, I know, getting older can be a friggin’ nightmare, but it’s not without its perks.

I’ll elaborate in my next installment.

The Truth About Eating Healthy

imagesThere was a point in my life where I enjoyed eating. It was a long time age.

I’d workout, then devour a pizza – or bucket of Popeye’s friend chicken and french fries – and was no worse for wear.

My body would cycle through it and I’d be on to the next great meal within a few hours.

Now I can’t get within block of Popeye’s without suffering withdrawal symptoms.

I know that the days of eating like that are long gone no matter how much the cravings scrape away at my resolve.

At this writing food is fuel and nothing more. Sad, I know.

I get up in the mornings to write and completely forget about eating, until I start losing consciousness from low blood sugar and am then forced to head to the kitchen.

I consume 6 egg whites, a bowl of oatmeal with a banana in it, and a glass of water marinated in lemon juice.

Needless to say, the last place I want to be is in the kitchen.

If I could pop a pill and be done with it i wpould, but I can’t, so this is what I’m left with.

Lunch is the same: Salmon over greens and an iced tea.

Totally sucks. Horrible.

What I really want is a thin crust pizza with cheddar, ground beef and onions.

This vision sits in my head as I eat what I know is better for me, what will make me look and feel better … and maybe keep me alive longer – or better.

Now we come to dinner, and it’s usually sitting in glass Tupperware containers in the fridge: Pre-prepared foods from Sunday, when we cook things I hate for 5 hours.

But here’s a little secret: I still manage to cheat!

After dinner I get to enjoy a fruit Popsicle.

But it gets better!

Before bed, I prepare a bowl of frozen organic fruit with a small slice of low fat cheese and a few pita chips!!! Awesome!

This is what life is like for those of us who have had to convince ourselves that eating healthy is about how it makes one feel rather than how it tastes.

Hopefully, most come to a place of peace about this.

I haven’t.

~~~

I found this amusing in light of the above…

21 Nutritionists Confess Their Pet Peeves

http://www.msn.com/en-us/health/nutrition/21-nutritionists-confess-their-pet-peeves/ss-BBr5T5f#image=1

Sharp Increase in Older Men Going Under the Knife

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While there has only been a two percent overall increase in plastic surgeries from 2009 to 2010, the number of male cosmetic procedures have increased dramatically, say statistics from the American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS).

The number of liposuction procedures performed on men rose seven percent, and the number of male facelifts doubled, by 14 percent.

Why such a relatively high increase in male procedures? 

1[ Economic woes [i.e., keeping their jobs]

2] Media bombardment [i.e., if you can afford to look your best, why not?]

People often consider cosmetic procedures to be just for women, says northern CA-based men’s mental health expert Will Courtenay, PhD, LCSW, and author of Dying to Be Men.

Just as sex roles between men and women are changing—more fathers are active parents than they used to be, he maintains—so is interest in cosmetic surgery.  “The fact is, manhood in America is changing rapidly,” Courtenay tells demo dirt. “And at least one in four men says he’d consider cosmetic surgery. And another one in five says he might. And for men, it’s often about staying in the race.” 

Washington, DC-based facial plastic surgeon Houtan Chaboki, MD says that he has noticed an increase in men getting procedures, even though they still comprise less than ten percent of cosmetic patients.

Most common, he notes, is rhinoplasty, which people get for various reasons.

However, the fastest growing market is face lift surgery, Chaboki says.

“More men seeking plastic surgery want to appear younger and compete in the workplace,” he says.

“Some working men who actually feel full of energy have the perception that others at work may see them as older, [and] less adaptable to change in a fast-moving economy.”

Dermatologist Debra Jaliman, MD started doing Botox in 1991 and says that more and more men have been requesting the treatment, among other things.

“I find that now many years later more men are doing Botox and fillers and lasers and freezing their fat, “she says.

Jaliman agrees that the main reason is the economy.  “We are in a competitive business environment and it’s also become more acceptable,” she adds.

The problems emerge when cosmetic surgery can’t remedy deeper-rooted self-esteem issues.

“Cosmetic surgery can be a misguided attempt to feel better,” Courtenay maintains. “Research shows that men who are dissatisfied with their physical appearance are more likely to suffer from poor self-esteem and depression. So, for these men, cosmetic surgery may make them look better, but they won’t feel better.”

The best surgery candidate, Courtenay says, is a man who is generally secure already.  

SUMMARY

Whether it’s to gain that competitive edge, or just bolster an already healthy self-esteem, nips and tucks appear are the way forward for most urban men I know.

Get used to it. I have.

Nothing is as it seems anywhere, anymore.

Baby Boomer Suicide Rate Rising [as funds for concubines dries up]

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http://www.healthline.com/health-news/baby-boomer-suicide-rate-rising-031515

The recent Great Recession was hard on almost everyone, but especially baby boomers [generation born between 1946-1964] who had decades of savings to invest.

Side note: Money is supposed to fill in all the existential angst after life exacts its pound of flesh and leaves us with less physical relevance. 

Thus, it’s no surprise that a rising number of middle-aged people of that generation resorted to suicide as the weight of economic problems overwhelmed them.

Since that time baby boomers have had the highest rate of suicide of any age group in the United States, which is interesting given the fact that people between the ages of 40 and 64 have historically had one of the lowest rates.

Add to this conundrum the fact that baby boomers are now sliding head long into the over-65 demographic, which is ground zero for historically high suicide rates.

Put another way, if you don’t have money at this writing, you’re pretty much screwed.

According to the article, since the beginning of the Great Recession, 8.8 million jobs were lost, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Middle-aged people were disproportionately affected in terms of lost property value, household finances, and lost retirement savings.

Twenty-seven percent of those aged 50 to 64 experienced reduction in salaries, higher than any other age group.

On a related note, of those baby boomers who committed suicide from 2005 to 2010, 81 percent had prior mental health or substance abuse problems.

Although suicides for baby boomers could level out as the economy improves, experts say the fact this generation is entering older age is worrisome.

So now even if you have money, you’re too old to really enjoy it.

The key is not to let things get to a point of escalation. When people are suicidal, they’re rigid and not thinking clearly.

Dr. Jill Harkavy-Friedman, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention says, “The key is not to let things get to a point of escalation. When people are suicidal, they’re rigid and not thinking clearly.”

But she is wrong. They are thinking very clearly, which is the problem.

How do you talk an 80-year-old man without money out of hanging himself?

It doesn’t make sense. The man is thinking quite rationally, in my view. What’s the point of going on if you’re broke, and, for all intents and purposes, broken physically?

Is there any hope?

Not really.

From personal experience, I can give you 10 things older men [those over 65] can do to dramatically improve their mental health –– but we’re talking about older men who don’t have to worry about their next meal.

For such men, hope is everywhere because they can afford it.

More specifically, here are 10 ways to insure that it sticks around a long time:

1] Hit the gym on a daily basis, interact with people, and reduce stress. Exercise releases endorphins, which create feelings of happiness and euphoria without heroin. It also boosts self-esteem by providing a sense of physical relevance and self-possession that other older men lose along the way.

2] Check your testosterone levels. At this stage of the game “normal” levels probably aren’t enough. So boost them. Even if it leads to premature death, what the hell difference does it make is all you’re doing is dying in slow motion?

3] Be sexually active. If you’re bored with your wife, figure out how not to be bored with her. If she’s not interested, hire a surrogate wife. Many women I know provide “girlfriend experiences” with a full rate schedule they keep on Ipads. Many keep them in their gym bags. And for God’s sake, get a scrip for ED medication if you think you need it. Most 25-year-olds are using it, so why not you?

 4] Don’t shy away from cosmetic improvements. If your teeth look like crap, fix them. If your jaws are hanging like liver from the sides of your face…facelift! Then there are fillers, micro-dermabrasion…I could go on. Just do it.

5] If you drive a Buick la Sabre, I can’t help you. 

2005-Buick-LeSabre_14745

 

6] Do something you’ve always wanted to do, but for whatever reason haven’t. Nobody’s going to care if you decide to go back-packing in Yosemite after spending 40 years behind a desk. 

 7] When was the last time you went clothes shopping? Seriously. Most older men look old because they dress like people who should already be dead. Thus, I suggest you let your “girlfriend” decide what to buy. Pink pleated pants and golfing shirts are now customary attire for the dead at wakes, fyi.

8] Spend time around younger people whenever possible. It has been demonstrated time and time again that people become conditioned to their surroundings, which should not include graveyards and hospitals.

9] Stop talking about your aches and pains, and for God’s sake avoid the obituaries. Nobody wants to hear about your aging joints because only old people have aching joints no matter how ridiculous this sounds. And talking about the death of anyone but, for example, an otherwise youthful and healthy downhill skier is a buzzkill.  

10] If you take yourself way too seriously and can’t remember the last time you laughed, you’re like the guy with the Buick.

I’ll give you 10 more in upcoming blogs…

Fitness: ‘Magic Pill’ Against Mid-Life Depression

Worried Male

 

When you get older, you expect to be depressed.

By “older” I’m referring to Baby Boomers stuck between the 3rd and final chapters, or Purgatory in the absence of an obituary notice.

But I’m hopeful because I have one weapon up my sleeve capable of blowing a gaping hole in hell…

EXERCISE.

In the minds of many, however, what I undergo is hell.

But as everyone knows, if you want to stop feeling like crap you have to punish yourself.

Eventually, you’ll learn to enjoy it like the rest of us.

It’s kind of like healthy eating. You learn to appreciate the way clean food makes you feel, rather than focus on its taste.

Soon, you’ll convince yourself that steamed quinoa tastes better than a Big Mac.

As implausible as this may sound, it is critical that you embrace certain delusions at any and all cost.

Understand that nature wants you dead. Thus, it’s your job to earn it’s respect in order to stay alive.

Many guys throw in the towel because it’s just too much on top of everything else.

But there is nothing else without it.

A FEW FACTS

http://fitness.mercola.com/sites/fitness/archive/2015/01/23/brain-benefits-exercise.aspx

The 60’s All Over Again

ariot66

Flash-back to a time in history where members of the counterculture movement expressed their beliefs about property ownership by destroying others ’ property, building fences around said property, and living in communes with shared possessions.

Yea, that went well.

Today the same dynamic exists.

The human food chain marches on, fueled by those who proclaim solidarity with “duh people” only to steal it by using them as leverage and then consolidating personal power at their expense.

People fall for this crap all the time, which begs the question, why have they not been bred out of the human gene pool?

Back in the the day, the ones who survived all the street riots and general unrest went on to make fortunes, built mansions with walls and security cameras, and kick everyone out but hired help and mistresses.

So basically, nothing’s changed.