[from left] Bill, Tim 36 [trainer], John and Yours Truly.
I’m not going to tell you life in the middle to later years is a cakewalk.
It isn’t.
Making matters even worse is that fact that men tend to walk the road alone, which is why most of need back-up.
This is what back-up looks like.
In this context, there is also something to be said for co-dependence.
Daily Mail ran an article last year about the “middle-aged man in Lycra” phenomenon, and since that time the situation has gone viral.
Even the Chinese see the uptick in local Lycra sales.
From the perspective of an older man who went through the Lycra phrase back in the 90’s, I can tell you in no uncertain terms that it’s the middle-aged man’s last stand.
If it’s not the ’69 Chevy Camaro, it’s going to be the Lycra.
Get used to it, because one way or the other, they’re going in.
They want to be who they once were – or wanted to be – now that they can afford it without having to sell the kitchen sink on Ebay.
Of course their wives of 20 years are dumbfounded witnessing their once normal and well adjusted husbands in clothing and accessories usually reserved for circus acts or Dr. Who reruns.
But this is how middle-age often manifests in men, particularly in those of achievement and ambition.
Some of us buy boats, motorcycles and cars. Others buy women.
But the last damn thing we do is buy into mortality.
Some of us look ridiculous doing the things we do, while others pull the same things off with aplomb.
It all gets down to self-actualization.
If you don’t have it, you end up looking like the caricature in the photo above.
If you do, you end up looking more along the lines of this:
But “Scooby” [pictured above], is a fitness guru, not an accountant turned fitness fanatic in his 50’s.
There’s a difference.
Most older men who start late with the fitness lifestyle tend to morph from spin class [for cardiovascular health] into walking billboards for cycling manufacturers.
Most of them are late learners who see this as an opportunity to become the men they’ve always wanted to be – but couldn’t – due to 60 hour work weeks, family obligations and travel.
Nonetheless, older men still look ridiculous in this crap. Hell, everyone looks ridiculous in it.
But older men become the scapegoat for everything that doesn’t fade and die the way it’s “supposed” to.
Of course, most men who did what they were told never made it to the top, which is why you rarely hear their wives complaining about their nice neighborhoods.
POSTSCRIPT
For many men, cycling is a way to connect with others the way they did back in their college days.
Men are not particularly good at mid-life bonding, so it’s arguable that cycling serves a greater purpose.
Personally, I think that anything that gives men purpose gives the people in their lives hope.
POST-POSTSCRIPT
I thought this was funny, so I’ll share it with you.
There’s this guy around me age who spent his life as an accountant for a medium-sized oil and gas firm.
He was a mousy little man, quiet and unassuming.
Then one day he sold his shares in the company and retired with his then middle-aged wife.
Suddenly, the guy shows up last week in psychedelic Lycra biking tights; his arms ripped and muscular, his face sporting a certain indigence that suggested a new-found aggression.
Sadly, his wife who looked totally out of place hanging out with her “new” jacked and steroid-fueled husband, and together they walk towards the gym, the woman trailing behind.
I bring this up because some guys should just stay in the shadows.
As I’ve always said, if you can pull off whatever it is you’re trying to do/be, by all means go for it.
But you need to be self-aware enough to know the difference between pulling it off and making a complete fool of yourself – and your wife in the process.
With this in mind, I’m sure said wife is the next to go.
http://www.builtlean.com/2014/03/03/70-year-old-man-muscle/
At my health club, there are men in their 80’s competing in power-lifting on an international level.
And to think I had my first midlife crisis at 28…
Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he’s quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there’s someplace that he’d rather be
He says, “Bill, I believe this is killing me.”
As the smile ran away from his face
“Well I’m sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place…” Piano Man, Billy Joel
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
1] Why am I not a rock star?
2] Why don’t I have my own syndicated radio talk show?
3] Why am I not taking Letterman’s place?
4] Why aren’t the phones ringing off the hook with glamorous acting jobs, TV appearance bookings, 7-figure book deals?
5] Why don’t I own a Gulfstream?
6] Where is my entourage?
7]\ Where am I?
8] Who am I?
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
If any of this sounds familiar, welcome to midlife, a precarious period in a man’s life, usually between the ages of 48 and 64, when everything you did in your life is now done and everything ahead is on thin ice.
While most of these items listed are exaggerations, the psychopathology behind them is everything but.
To combat this aberration of thought [self-persecution], I’d like to start an exercise I rely on to get me through the noise when it’s so loud I want to take up cliff diving.
First, I want you to put your hands on a Magic Marker. I prefer black ink because its more direct.
Then, get a large sketch pad which you can find at any Office Max.
Now, open the marker and draw a straight line down the center of the page.
On the left, write down the question you’re pondering; the one that triggers rage, anxiety and depression.
For our purposes here, let’s start with question #1:
#1] Why am I not a rock star?
For most of us, the right side of the column will look something like this:
a] Because I’m not a professional musician.
b] Because I chose to attend Business school in Rhode Island rather than sleep on the streets in Hollywood.
c] Because I’m risk-averse, in general.
Excellent. So now you’re answering your own questions and can now go back to enjoying your lunch.
#2] Why don’t I have my own syndicated radio talk show?
a] Because I’m not in the radio business.
b] Because I have never been in the radio business.
c] Because I had no interest in the radio business until “Rush Limbaugh” made me rethink that decision.
#3] Why am I not taking Letterman’s place?
a] Because Stephen Colbert just took it.
b] Because you’re not a stand-up comedian.
c] Because you’re not, nor have you ever been, in the television business, and therefore, neither you nor Mr. Colbert are in competition.
#4] Why aren’t the phones ringing off the hook with glamorous acting jobs, TV appearance bookings, 7-figure book deals?
a] Are you currently a professional actor? If not, scratch the first one.
b] TV appearances usually involve people who either survived a jump out of a commercial airliner without a parachute, or those born into a celebrity families they can’t wait to tell the world about.
c] As for “7-figure book deals” NOT involving celebrity gossip, you might ask yourself if you’ve ever written a book, much less taken a course in high school English.
#5] Why don’t I own a Gulfstream?
a] Most celebrities cannot afford to own Gulfstream aircraft, so they buy timeshares in them.
b] The oil and gas company you’ve been working for has a fleet of 7 Gulfstreams. If you had become a Vice-President, you’d been flying on one yourself.
c] Most people who can afford to outright own their own jets were usually born into the money. The rest you can count on two hands.
#6] Where is my entourage?
a] You have a wife, three kids, two cats and a Labrador Retriever. Isn’t that enough?
b] Once you’re past a certain age the last thing you want is to be bothered by an entourage, much less anything – or anyone with their hand out.
c] Entourages are for elite professional boxers who will probably blow through everything before they hit your age. Way before. I can name names you already know.
#7] Where am I?
a] By this, most middle-aged men are referring to where they are in the context of their lives and accomplishments. So start jotting down your accomplishments – without comparing them with people you don’t know, but can’t stop hearing about.
b] If you’re still healthy, reasonably happy, and financially secure at middle age, you’re a celebrity to anyone who is not.
c] If you have a swimming pool in addition to everything else, you deserve a backhand from God.
And finally…
#8] Who am I?
a] I might suggest ancestry.com.
If this isn’t what you’re referring to, dial 911.
In this photograph, Leonardo DiCaprio sports the sexy new “Dadbod.”
http://hiit-blog.dailyhiit.com/hiit-life/leonardo-dicaprios-dadbod-is-the-new-hot-body-type-for-men/
I added a second link below of a survey of women who seem to prefer a bit of flab over super fit by a wide margin [no puns].
http://hiit-blog.dailyhiit.com/hiit-community/75-women-prefer-flab-abs/
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Men of my age [and socioeconomic demographic] feel entitled to physically beautiful women because beautiful women feel entitled to men of relative achievement and success.
The more success = the more beauty.
It’s a simple equation that cuts both ways.
And while no one complains about both parties being in top physical condition, women are less inclined to appreciate what they consider to be physical competition.
Why?
1] It makes them feel less secure about their bodies than they already do, no matter how beautiful they happen to be.
2] It makes aging an even bigger existential nightmare than it already is since older people look worse than younger people no matter what Koolaid you’re drinking.
3] It forces women to sleep with one eye open knowing other women are angling for their successful – and damn good looking– husbands, which places even more pressure on them to remain physically flawless, even though it’s physically impossible.
SUMMARY
While most in-shape women would probably consider DiCaprio out of shape and in dire need of a bra, they would also be the first ones in line should he express an interest in them.
The same cannot be said of men if the woman in question happened to be physically unattractive.
This disparity is at the crux of the phenomenon.
What you’re looking at is a close-up of Sylvester Stallone’s left arm, wrapped in what appears to be distended tunneling, courtesy of steroids.
It was then shaven and bronzed to set off the highlights.
This is what aging gracefully looks like to many affluent urban men; the same men who berate older women for plastic surgery overkill, but I digress.
Taking testosterone in combination with Human Growth Hormone [HGH] usually starts when a man hits his mid to late 50’s and realizes his endurance isn’t what it used to be.
He may also notice that losing body-fat requires twice the effort and ten times the pain, not to mention the emotional pain of endless dieting.
So he turns to testosterone because on a certain level it works as advertised.
You bleed body-fat while building muscle on half the sleep and twice the energy.
Bingo.
It’s become so “mainstream” I’m sure Prada will soon design cases for all the syringes.
My trainer knows which of his older clients ” juice” and which don’t and then trains us all accordingly.
I happen to be in the minority of men who do not take testosterone, which means I can only train hard 3 days a week for one hour, instead of 6 days for 3 hours a session.
As a result, my arms also don’t look like Stallone’s in spite of the fact that they are still lean and muscular.
As for my abs, they are visible, but not distended and sunken around preternatural ravines.
Remember, steroids build muscle everywhere except for the sexual organs, where they tend to have the opposite effect.
The upside for me is as follows:
1] My body can still produce its own testosterone naturally
2] I don’t need regular blood-work to scan for high PSA levels
3] I don’t succumb to things like road rage in spite of my already passionate nature.
The downside for me is psychological: I am at a disadvantage around the men I train with who recover like teenagers on 4 hours of sleep.
It can be depressing, believe me. I’m walking wounded while they bounce off the walls like rabbits on methamphetamine.
Needless to say, the pressure to capitulate to the testosterone craze allure is constant.
I literally struggle every day to remain sober, this as the cacophony of radio and television ads and infomercials extol the virtues of the needle under the pretense of wellness.
With this as a backdrop, I have a power-lifting meet this July.
In order to exceed my previous records, I not only have to train brutally hard, but even more importantly, brutally smart given my mortal attributes.
At this writing, I’m still on the wagon. But it takes ever fiber of willpower not to indulge just once in the fountain if youth.
Fortunately, the USAPL drug tests, so there’s that.
But I know that time alone will tell whether or not I take the plunge because I certainly can’t guarantee it at this writing.
Stay tuned.
Pierce Brosnan, 61
“For many people, 70 is the new 50 and signifies the quiet revolution that has taken place in longevity”
…………….
Among the many trending narratives of the day is the one about Baby Boomers who refuse to age, as if that’s a bad thing.
Would you want to age “gracefully” if you didn’t have to?
Before you answer this question, allow me to put forth my definition of “graceful aging:”
“The process by which a middle-aged male agrees to accept natural physical attrition in exchange for a gated community in Florida.”
In my view [and I’m not alone] this is akin to suicide in slow motion, otherwise known among my circle as the dragging out of the end to eternity until you can’t remember where it all started.
So no.
I don’t know anyone willing to “let go” unless they’re in a psych ward for clinical depression or dying of colon cancer.
An average man who retired in 2012 can expect to live until the age of 86.2 years, while a woman who turned 65 last year would have 23.9 years still to live on average, the ONS estimates.
That’s a lot of time to “drift.”
In my socioeconomic demographic. men are often in the best shape of their adult lives, working out regularly, eating right, getting medical check-ups on an annual basis, and making damn sure their teeth look better than they did when they were in their 20’s, among other things. Believe me, I could go on.
I might also add to this [because it wouldn’t make sense if I didn’t], that most of the men to whom I’m referring are well-educated, urban folk of an upper income variety.
They tend to be ambitious, successful men who carry these traits with them throughout their lives, which are then shaped and molded by the pressures of big city life.
These are not frumpy men in cardigans and distended bellies.
They’re a lot like men half their age, only richer, wiser…and, in some cases, more mature.
They take their health seriously because they would rather go out in a blaze of glory than to fade into irrelevance and obscurity.
Examples in popular culture alone are legion.
Such men don’t lay down for the next generation not only because they’re not finished with their own, but because the generation behind them represents the lion’s share of the women they date and marry.
If this trend continues, and I see no reason it won’t, the next generation will consider a man of 50 “young” and his wife of 25 age-relevant.
Many older men have resigned themselves to the notion that their best years are behind them, and that what’s left is a long, drawn out epitaph, otherwise known [around here] as death in slow motion.
This is a mindset, not biology.
With motivation and the proper training, many achieve feats of athleticism they couldn’t come close to in their 20’s.
So what stops them?
Many battle clinical depression.
For others, it’s a chronic injury.
But for the most part, it’s just plain laziness.
The refrain is common:
“Why should I work out? I’m an older man for god’s sake! Who cares?”
I guess the person who should care died a long time ago, which is why people tend to look right through them, reinforcing their sense of irrelevance.
For those who do go to the gym, they often do so to just to avoid injury, or to “stay alive,” as they put it.
Needless to say, this attitude never won a Superbowl or anything else for that matter.
Challenging the forces of nature is not a slam-dunk, but it’s well worth the view if you have the will to climb the mountain.
…………….
There are 3 primary reasons why middle-aged men should hire a personal trainer, in this order:
1] Mental Health
Hypochondria is a pandemic amongst mid-lifers.
Everything is a potential apocalypse: The annual prostate exam, an impending stroke, a heart attack, colon cancer, or the ever-popular brain tumor paranoia. It never ends.
“That shoe will damn well drop, so if not now, when?”
No wonder Xanax sales are through the roof.
But here’s something I’ve learned: The 3 hours a week I spend with my personal trainer are enough to obliterate depressive episodes, anxiety and transient existential pain.
2] Physical Health
One of the biggest fears expressed by middle-aged men is failing health.
I’m not referring to a terminal illness, but literally, physical strength.
Without it, men begin to feel vulnerable and defeated.
“No longer can I protect those close to me,” is the way it comes across, but rapidly escalates into “I am no longer physically respected and relevant.”
From here it’s down the rabbit hole.
3] Medical Bills
“OMG everthing is falling the hell apart. My back hurts, my shoulder hurts, I have stomach pain, headaches, arthritis, I can’t lift a toothbrush…”
Sound familiar?
Poor health costs a hell of a lot more than your self-esteem.
In many cases it can rival your home mortgage. A typical hospital stay is somewhere in the 6k/day range, if this helps.
For less than that amount over 365 days, you could hire a personal trainer and tell the hospitals to kiss your ass.
Preventive medicine is the future. Without it, there is no future.
If after all you do you still land the the emergency room, it’s probably genetic.
……………..
Postscript
I like being physically strong. There’s something about lifting a lot of weight that’s emotionally transformative.
And while professional achievement is always a great picker-upper, having both is 10 times the high.
No longer are you a fading older man, but rather a successful older man who can stand should-to-shoulder with men half your age, dignity in tact.
With this as a backdrop, if I had to hazard a guess, I’d say that personal trainers are probably responsible for hundreds of millions of dollars in lost therapy revenues.
There’s only so much you can do on the couch before you have to get your ass up and get back to living.
Nobody “looks right through” a man’s who super fit no matter what his age happens to be.
I think I speak for most health-conscious types that eating can be a pain in the ass.
Everything has to be clean, unadulterated fuel. The enjoyment for me was in how “light” I felt after a meal, rather than how much I enjoyed eating it.
Needless to say, simple carbohydrates like bread were NOT on my menu.
So a few weeks of this new “paleo” diet of mine passed and I started noticing that my lifts in the gym were suffering, that I was more irritable than usual, and I was also lethargic and depressed.
By the way, I have zero to be depressed about, which is a pretty good indicator that something was amiss.
My blood work is good, my body uninjured. So what was it?
So I kind of drifted into the gym in a haze yesterday at 2:15 PM, slightly off balance and weak, and my trainer took one look at me and asked what I’d had to eat before coming in.
My answer shocked even me, which happens when you don;t check in with yourself from time to time: I told him that I had “a whey protein shake and two bananas.” Period.
Are you kidding me?
I’m 6’2, 230 and I had almost zero calories in my body.
How does this happen? Easily.
You get wrapped up in healthy everything until you start losing touch with life’s simple pleasures.
After an abbreviated workout, he sent me packing directly to Whole Foods where I was told to purchase a “loaded” pizza, and rediscover life.
I think it’s safe to say after taking one bite, I remembered all that I have missed about food and life in general.
Moral of the story: Give yourself a break and you’ll never need anti-depressants.
Where she started…
What’s left…
After belting out her classic song of female empowerment “Express Yourself,” at Coachella, the 56-year-old pop legend, Madonna, pulled the 28-year-old singer, Drake, back in his chair to plant a heavy kiss on his lips.
Then all hell broke loose.
~~~
Naivete in grownups is often charming; but when coupled with vanity it is indistinguishable from stupidity. Eric Hoffer
~~~
Madonna is closing in on 60 years old and a shadow of her former self, which I know is shocking to those of you who think she resembles the woman on the cover of her new CD.
If she were a writer or folk singer or politician or television actor or newscaster or cashier at WalMart she could go on and on and on. But sex symbol? Please.
And that gold dental grill!!! Seriously??? What drugs drive people this far off the ranch???
I guess it has everything to do with being at the top of the pop music world for decades only to feel pressured to pass the baton to the next generation.
If it were me, I’d do the same damn thing as long as I had no idea how ridiculous it made me look.
I’m sure no one let’s her in on this dirty little secret, though.
Why would they? Their careers rest on her perpetuity no matter how desperate she looks in the process.
But what propelled her to stardom is still part of who she is today. In this sense, she is stuck in the past, always looking for the next opportunity to resurrect herself, this time around with an undercurrent of indignant rage.
The bottom line is that she is no longer “herself” on the outside, which means that she has to redefine who she is on the inside.
At this writing, this does not appear to be happening.
Nonetheless, what she’s going through is not unique to women.
Men become the punchlines of jokes when they live the way they did 30 ago, refusing to acknowledge that 30 years have passed.
We all age. It sucks. It’s nature’s cruel joke. Call it what you will. But it’s a reality we all face no matter who we are.
Some fare better than others, mostly because they’re not Madonna.
They don’t have to fill stadiums, pander to fans, focus on trying to bend and shape perception of aging until people no longer see it.
In this sense Madonna as “Madonna” is her own worst nightmare.
If she wants to salvage her dignity and assure a resurrection of sorts, she should take her own advice and perform alone on a simple stage with an acoustic guitar.
No dancers, backup singers, pyrotechnics and god’s knows what the hell else.
Now that would be a concert worth seeing.
POSTSCRIPT
Who attends Madonna concerts?
1] Older women who relate to her midlife delusions.
2] Gay men who imagine Madonna loves them more than she loves herself.
3] No one else that I’m aware of.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/11/madonna-gay-fans-_n_6846882.html
UPDATE
Now Drake has said that, in so many words, he was delighted to have had the opportunity to be kissed by the queen, Madonna.
Yea right, dude.
Best to cover your ass.