Who Do Some Men Just Get Better With Age?

261FA63A00000578-2970768-image-a-8_14255474950752644076400000578-2970768-image-m-7_1425547488310

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2970768/Liam-Neeson-George-Clooney-Pierce-Brosnan-Hollywood-stars-awesome-age.html#cid=55367783552

When many people envision a 62-year-old man, they don’t see Liam Neeson.

What they do see, quite frankly, is a stereotype many of us in this general chronological ballpark don’t resemble.

Not even close, actually.

So what’s our secret?

1] Eat clean. Lots of fruits and vegetables and high quality protein.

Comments: Eating clean will become a part of your daily ritual. You will eventually learn that while cheat days are occasionally acceptable, it’s best to stick with cheat meals. An entire day of bad eating will cost you a week of rehab.

2] Get plenty of rest. 8 hours a night is like not having to pay a plastic surgeon before their time. 

Comments: In the days before I had a live-in girlfriend, I was out 6 nights a week. My sleep habits were all over the place, but the “running the nights’ rush helped mitigate whatever I lost in REM 4. Of course, I was also younger, which helped. See, the older you get, the less help you get. If this is lost on you, go back to therapy. If you’re more comfortable with an internist, they’ll probably refer you to one.

3] Hydrate. Hydrate. Hydrate. With water, not vodka. You can squeeze a lemon in it if you want a vague reminder of what it was like to down a lemon drop martini.

Comments: The function of the kidneys, which helps to regulate fluid, declines with aging. The ability to recognize thirst decreases with aging — sometimes older people don’t realize they are thirsty. With aging, the amount of body water decreases. So even a small change in fluid intake can cause dehydration. The fallout from dehydration just isn’t worth it.

  • dry mouth and nose
  • loose and/or dry skin
  • skin “tenting” in the forehead
  • increased tiredness and/or weakness
  • restlessness
  • sudden (acute) confusion
  • concentrated urine
  • dizziness and orthostatic hypotension (standing causes sudden drop in blood pressure, feeling dizzy, and even fainting)
  • increased heart rate
  • loss of appetite
  • constipation
  • nausea and vomiting

4] Workout every day of the week: 3 days of weight training, 3 days of cardio, 1 day of stretching and recovery.

Comments: Don’t freak out. I’m not telling you to spend your entire life in a gym. I’m asking for one hour a day: 3 days a week of resistance training for strength, flexibility and bone density, followed by stretching. 3 days a week of cardio at 60-85% of maximum, followed by stretching. 1 day a week to recover. I spend a little time with foam rollers and lacrosse balls to break up the fascia and improve blood flow.

5] Manicure your face: trim eyebrows, nose hair, ear hair, and whatever other hair you may or may not have.

Comments: There’s nothing that says “I’m oblivious” than a lack of personal grooming. A lot of old guys look like tree moss. It’s pathetic. Clearly, they’ve given up. But just remember, when you give up, people give up on you. Put another way, you disappear.

6] Use quality skin products. Borax won’t cut it anymore.

Comments: A lot of guys give me shit about my rather robust regimen of skin products, but they never fail to suggest that I’ve gone under the knife, which is not true. What is true is that I take care of my skin because it no longer takes care of itself. My suggestion is that you see a dermatologist for an overall assessment and product suggestions.

7] Keep “toxic” stress levels low. There’s a difference between good stress and bad stress. One gets you out of bed. The other one puts you in the ground.

Comments: One of the many downsides to getting older is that stress is not something the body handles as well as it used it. The good news, however, is that you don’t have to put up with as much crap as you used to, so use that to your advantage as much as possible. I use the line, “at this stage of the game, I’ve earned the right to just say no.”

8] Choose you gene pool carefully. Unfortunately, this one’s out of your hands, which is a drag since it also happens to be the most important one and the main reason why you have to follow all of the aforementioned rules.

Comments: Your genes will determine the lion’s share of how your life plays out. Some say that only 15% of what you do changes the course of destiny, but I disagree. With perfect genetics I could overdose on heroin at 18.

9] Never let a photographer with an on-camera flash get within ten feet of you for photo ops. If you do, you’ll understand why you should not have allowed this in the first place.

Comments: Understand that you cannot compete with your 25-year-old face. This is why professional models tend to be children in adult clothing. With this in mind, the closer an on-camera flash gets to you, the worse you will look. So either tell the photographer to lose the flash, or step the hell back.

10] If your girlfriend is significantly younger than you are, come to terms with the fact that you will get older as she appears to get younger.

Comments: This is a very real problem for both genders who date inter-generationally. The upside is that the younger of the two will always be appear physically beautiful. The downside is that you will always look like their parent no matter how good you look. There is a hidden cost in every seamless transaction.

Final remarks:

Liam Neeson was photographed on a set in flattering light, which makes the most of his appearance. But understand that no matter what the lighting happens to be, if you live your life like Keith Richards, you will look like Keith Richards no matter what the lighting happens to be. 

 

Aging Takes Toll on the Male Psyche

10q_0425

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/robin-williams-in-a-group-facing-higher-risk-of-suicide-older-white-men-with-depression/2014/08/12/8e1164d6-225e-11e4-86ca-6f03cbd15c1a_story.html

One reader commented:

White middle aged and older men suffer from depression and commit suicide at a higher rate because their life centers around career, status and making money…”

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/baby-boomers-are-killing-themselves-at-an-alarming-rate-begging-question-why/2013/06/03/d98acc7a-c41f-11e2-8c3b-0b5e9247e8ca_story.html

The writer commented:

“…many Boomers are reluctant to accept the realities of aging.”

I’m gonna’ let you in on a little secret: Nobody accepts aging. Nobody. It’s something we all deal with either through denial or prescription medications.

There are exceptions:

1] Those who manage to keep themselves so busy [and distracted] in their careers that they don’t have 5 minutes to think about it.

2] People of low ambition and correspondingly low expectations in culture groups of similar mindsets.

The rest of us have to fight our way through it with varying degrees of success.

I have no way of knowing what Robin Williams felt the day he took his life. No one can stand in another person’s shoes, to inhabit their lives.

But what I can say with absolute certainty is that successful older men do feel intense pressure to maintain relevance, both physically and professionally, and when either one of these falters, the emotional fallout is usually disastrous.

Most people visualize successful older men sitting on a beach in Tahiti, waiting for the gulls to drag them out to sea. But what they fail to consider is that the very things that got them to where they are still burn. Beaches are nice for a weekend, but boredom is usually just around the corner, and, after that…indignity.

 

Sugar Daddy Dating Goes “Normal”

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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2990407/We-NOT-prostitutes-Femail-goes-inside-sugar-daddy-dating-world-women-make-60k-year-relationships-rich-older-men.html

All I have to say about this is kudos to the young women who’ve learn to leverage assets in a tough economy that is largely bereft of a middle class. As a young woman in the article said, “‘You can marry a man who provides the basics for you, while you devote your life to him, wreck your body giving him children, and he’ll still cheat on you.’

Amen.

At 62, Mickey Rourke Redefines “Living Life to Its Fullest”

rourke

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2989264/Mickey-Rourke-playfully-gets-knees-hangs-friends-Hollywood.html

I’ve always been a fan of Mickey Rourke. He lives life like there’s no tomorrow [literally] … like he already knows there will, in fact, be no tomorrow.

Mickey’s a few years older than yours truly, but we’re in the same ballpark, generation-ally speaking.

We also share a certain playful audacity that comes with the territory when you’re an older, successful actor, artist, entertainer, writer, photographer and the like.

We are what civilians refer to as “out there,” some more so than others, but still.

Many people probably see Mickey as some drug-addled psychopath with delusions of relevance. What I see is an extraordinarily talented man who believed in himself, and through sheer force of will, lived to see another day.

What’s left standing is not a man in his final hours, but a man who wears the scars of his life like a badge of honor.

After all, not everyone is a normal, well adjusted adult with reasonable expectations, and thank God.

The Common Cold and Other Existential Flotsam at Midlife

 

cure-for-the-common-cold-2020-2025When I was a kid, colds were an annoyance, nothing more. I didn’t see them in a catastrophic context largely because I was immortal.

But over the years I’ve learned that immortality is just borrowed time.

Eventually, it goes back to its owner and you’re on your own.

Now when I get sick, I assume the worst.

Last week I had a “mutated – and incurable – strain of the flu.” Or was it pneumonia? Or meningitis? Or something unknown to modern science?

The shoe eventually drops.

Okay, so there are a lot of false starts before something major happens, but the longer you wait the closer it gets.

In the meantime, I just got a realty-check that all the working out and healthy eating and hydration and rest and recovery and everything else aren’t enough to annihilate the inevitable.

Needless to say, as we age the days ahead of us are more precious than they used to be.

If we open our eyes in the morning it’s another good day, no matter what the hell it feels like.

It’s a weird way to live, honestly, but we all learn to appreciate what we once took for granted.

If you look at older people from this perspective, you begin to understand why everything we say and do somehow relates back to something we had or did no matter what comes out of our mouths.

Love is Hard…Even for the Open-Minded

polyamory

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gracie-x/compersion-a-polyamorous-principle-that-can-strengthen-any-relationship_b_6803868.html?ir=Weird+News&ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000022

Polyamorous relationships are kind of like two primary codependent alcoholics.

I’ve been sober 4 years, but have no tokens as testaments to my sobriety. This, I assume, is because “sex addiction” is still considered a compulsivity disorder, not an addiction.

Nonetheless, I’ve had a monogamous sexual relationship with the same woman for 4 years…and counting.

This is a first for me, quite frankly, and I’m proud of it.

If I were “off the wagon,” I’d openly support polyamorous couplings. I’d be an idiot not to.

If I were a pedophile, I’d support lowering the age of consent to like 9, or something.

We all do what enables our compulsions, addictions and/or perversions whether we choose to admit it or not.

You think the relationship between Bonnie and Clyde was a coincidence? Please.

 

On Dating Men in Their 60’s [or older men, in general]

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http://www.elle.com/life-love/sex-relationships/advice/a9/dating-men-in-their-sixties/

In my particular socioeconomic niche, inter-generational dating is considered normal. A lot of this, as expected, has to do with financial security. But it also involves other things tangential to getting older, which I will cover.

In my mind, the only reason not to be open to dating older men is child-bearing, which is often a non-issue as many women these days either forestall, or avoid it altogether. Needless to say, most 60-year-old men are going to be less inclined to put up with raising a family, unless it involves dogs and cats. They’d rather focus their attention on the young women in their lives, which is the point of this article.

My new soon-to-be-available book, Urban Dystrophy, covers a lot of this, but suffice to say, it just makes sense when you balance the commodities of youth and beauty with maturity and appreciation.

I’m in one of these relationships. My girlfriend is 30 years my junior, and we’ve been living together for 4 years. Do her friends wonder if she’s lost her mind? No. In fact, I’ve noticed that many are intrigued as our culture changes.

As for the math, it’s irrelevant. When I’m 70 and she’s 40, we will have been together 14 years. This would constitute a record by today’s standards.

If she stays healthy, she will outlive me. If she doesn’t, I may spend years at her bedside. The point is nobody knows. We all want to run the numbers, but they often don’t pan out.

This is why I don’t think about it. If I did I would be dating someone my own age who would probably kill me long before I was physically dead.

So here are my top 5 reasons for dating older men:

1] Maturity

2] Appreciation

3] Security

4] Desire to please [and pleasure]

5] Experience and/or worldliness

It also bears noting that my SO and share tastes in music, embrace technology and live a healthy lifestyle.

Relevance is not just measured in years.

 

Birth of the Middle-Aged “Moderation” Mantra

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No matter what we do to stay in shape, eat right, get enough rest, and take time out of our busy lives to have some semblance of a functional personal life, a Nor’easter is on the way.

So two days ago I got news that my new book, Urban Dystrophy, was on press. That afternoon I hit a personal record [PR] in the gym, and late that day, I heard news from my Internist that my blood work was excellent.

What could go wrong? Right?

At 7:PM I had a great meal at home, cleaned up, walked in the dark [always a bad move] towards the bedroom to watch Criminal Minds on my Macbook Pro, and out of nowhere slipped on a plastic coat hanger.

See, normally I don’t leave coat hangers in the middle of the floor, but my French Bulldog, Zeppelin, does.

So everything is suddenly in slow motion except for the subtle “POP” emanating from my knee. Specifically, the meniscus.

Now folks, if I were 22, this would be no big deal. Back then I was injured more than not, and didn’t think much about it. It would heal, and in the meantime I would do whatever I did around it.

I didn’t lapse into some existential hell-hole assuming the worst: I will never recover, my quality of life is shot in spite of my best efforts, the stars have it out for me, God is pissed.

But this is what middle-aged guys tend do when anything goes wrong. We assume the worst because we’ve spent a lifetime hearing news of the worst, which seems to happen to people more and more frequently as they age.

The psychological impact of even the slightest injury is magnified a thousand times.

The primary reason for this is academic: We recover a lot more slowly than we did back when we were in our 20’s, and at this juncture in life, we have less time to heal. 

This is why so many middle-aged guys practice “moderation,” otherwise known as living to avoid injury.

The problem with this practice is that it takes life down a notch to a level of competitive mediocrity, and thus, yields mediocre results. Eventually, time advances at twice the pace of the body, and instead of spraining a knee, I break a friggin’ hip. This is why you have to train hard, but smart.

Having said this, the “coat hangar” will always be there, waiting to throw us off guard. Our job is to be ready to handle any eventuality to the best of our ability — no matter what it is, and moderation only assures an even more disastrous result.

POSTSCRIPT: This morning my cat attacked my leg.