Rise of the “Kidult”

“Kidult” [Wiki]: In the early 21st century, there was reporting that for an adult to have interests traditionally expected only from children is not necessary an anomaly. The entertainment industry was quick to recognize the trend, and introduced a special category, “kidult,” of things marketable for kids and adults alike. Enormous successes of films such as Shrek and Harry Potter, of books traditionally targeted for teenagers and the fact that Disneyland is among the world’s top adult (without kids) vacation destinations seem to indicate that “kidulthood” is a rather mainstream phenomenon. And unlike puer aeternus, “rejuveniles” successfully marry adult responsibilities with non-adult interests. When Christopher Noxon appeared on The Colbert Report on June 29, 2006, he remarked that “There’s a big difference between childish and childlike”.

~~~

“Normal” people look at guys like me and wonder what happened?

“Is he ever going to grow up?”

“Why is he not out-of-shape?”

“Why doesn’t he have an age-appropriate girlfriend? Is he intimidated by women his own age?”

“Is the young woman in his home a gold-digger, or did her father not love her enough?”

“Why doesn’t he have children?”

“Is he too selfish, narcissistic and self-absorbed to share his life with others?”

“Why doesn’t he dress more conservatively like other men his age?”

“Why does he dress like that?”

“Why doesn’t he think like we do?”

“Why is he trying to be 20 all over again?”

Oh lord, I could go on…

~~~

To be perfectly honest with you, I have always been this way.

For one thing, I have always been my own man.

I worked for myself, set my own schedule, led my own life.

All I had to do was be good at what I did, treat my clients well, and pay a CPA to keep me out of jail.

After a while the freedom and independence this afforded me became part of my identity.

The lifestyle made me more resilient, self-reliant. Those acquired attributes are just part of the process of independence.

And while it hasn’t always been easy, the pay-off covered the periodic turbulence–10-fold.

To all the men my age who continue to live life as fully–and intensely–as we did back in the day, congratulations.

You’ve officially earned a legion of haters who wish they had the balls to have done exactly the same thing.

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

~ e.e. cummings

~~~

For more reading on this topic, the following article by Robert Firestone Ph.D. is illuminating.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-human-experience/201306/six-aspects-being-adult

~~~

FURTHER SUGGESTED READING

http://bigthink.com/errors-we-live-by/the-death-of-adulthood-rise-of-kidults

~~~

Typical habitat of the “Kidult.”

Mine…

The Midlife Assessment Game, Revisited

Me at 17ish…

We can’t go back.

We can’t be back where were were and describe it with any degree of accuracy.

It didn’t happen yesterday. Or last week.

The truth is, the farther away we are the more we make up…or attempt to fill in the blanks in order to render a coherent sketch.

Sometimes it’s to cover wounds.

Other times it’s to exaggerate successes.

But mostly it’s to make sense of things we are no longer in a place in time to understand.

~~~

I was a natural born athlete, but I never had a passion for any particular sport.

I liked playing football with my friends, but never wanted to suit up and practice as a member of a team.

It was too demanding, regimented.

The same was true of swimming, tennis, bike riding, skiing.

Again, in my own time, my own way.

I was one of those kids who had talent for a lot of things, none in particular.

A jack of all trades.

Whatever I did end up doing with my life I would have to work hard to master.

So what was it going to be?

I certainly didn’t want to live my life with the “coulda woulda shoulda” virus in my veins, taunting me until I died of cirrhosis.

So I tried everything I was good at to see what stuck.

As a teenager I liked playing electric guitar, but I wasn’t passionate enough about it to practice 12 hours a day, nor was I born with a natural song writing ability.

My neighbor, Harry Connick, Jr., was an entirely different story. God wrote his name on a piano and that was that.

Most of us aren’t so lucky. We have to stumble around to figure it out.

Then I tried my hand at acting, and though I managed to work, I still wasn’t passionate enough about it to stomach rejection, so I moved on.

Then one day I picked up a camera and something happened.

It felt natural, like it was supposed to be there…kind of like writing, which I have always done in an effort to make sense of things.

Combining the two led me to where I am today.

I guess I did okay.

I have always been most passionate about finding my true calling in life.

If anything, this was my salvation, my gift.

A lot of guys I know did whatever paid the bills, and now they look back and wonder what the hell happened to their lives.

But the truth is they did exactly what they were supposed to do.

Accepting this is the key to winning the midlife assessment game.

…but nobody wants to hear it because they’re still convinced they were destined to become rock stars, novelists, actors, and/or celebrity chefs before the went into the insurance business.

Older men and the Midlife Comparison Game No One Wins

Midlife crisis is a term coined in 1965 by Elliott Jaques stating a time where adults come to realize their own mortality and how much time is left in their life.^[1] A midlife crisis is experienced by many people during the midlife transition when they realize that life may be more than halfway over. Sometimes, a crisis can be triggered by transitions experienced in these years, such as andropause or menopause, the death of parents or other causes of grief, unemployment or underemployment, realizing that a job or career is hated but not knowing how else to earn an equivalent living, or children leaving home. People may reassess their achievements in terms of their dreams. The result may be a desire to make significant changes in core aspects of day-to-day life or situation, such as in career, work-life balance, marriage, romantic relationships, large expenditures, or physical appearance. – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midlife_crisis

~~~

I’ll just say this: No matter what ambitious, driven men achieve in their lives, the farther away the success sits from the present, the fainter the glow.

TRANSLATION

Men like me never rest on the laurels of the past.

If we’re not producing something of value every day of our lives, we begin to fade to obscurity in our own minds no matter what those around us see.

It’s like a virus that festers like an open wound when we’re dormant.

What animates older men is pride in accomplishment.

But it bears noting that no matter where we are along the chronological ladder, there’s always another step up.

No wonder I’m still in therapy.

Profile of an Aging Narcissist

Socialite Fraudster Edward Davenport [Google him]

When you’re young and beautiful, the world can kiss your ass.

You have nothing to prove that isn’t already obvious, which is plenty enough.

But as you get older and your sense of self-worth [as a man] is tied largely to your lifelong accomplishments [including the ones in your own head], the prospect of fading “relevance” becomes terrifying.

Now what?

This juncture marks the onset of what I refer to as the narcissists crucible, “a place of occasion or test of severe trial” where anything can, and usually will manifest in order to keep the boat from sinking like a jackhammer.

Note: The following is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event. It just seems like it does.

My name is Aristotle “Ari” Lazarov of Monaco, and I am a clinical narcissist. My 5th wife, Christina, is my enabler. Together we have 12 children.

Note: What I narcissists would admit so I wouldn’t have to run an intervention on their delusions.

I have a wonderful relationship with all my ex-wives because it behooves social climbers to keep their mouths shut.

Needless to say, they have nothing to stand on without party invitations, and therefore, everything to lose.

Note: He should know.

I am an extraordinarily good-looking man in spite of my age [which changes every 5 minutes, or just stays where it is for years at a time].

Note: Narcissists never fail to compliment themselves.

I dine at the right restaurants, drive the right cars, belong to the right clubs, know the right people, and wear acceptable designer apparel recognized by people who know and appreciate the finer things in life.

Note: He never wears anything that people who host photo-op-worthy cocktail parties and fundraisers might find distasteful, since party invitations are the lifeblood of his existence.

I stay in top physical condition through regular workouts with my personal trainer. I also maintain healthy eating habits, and take herbal testosterone that replenishes everything stolen by age, about which I remain in denial.

Note: It’s a simple equation, really.

I have a home in Houston, an apartment in NYC, and a family compound outside Paris.

Note: Doesn’t everyone?

The other specifics of my life are up to you and your imagination. If I’ve been successful, you’ll imagine big.

Note: The narcissist stays light on the details and heavy on innuendo to keep the fantasies alive long after death, which is just as important as life in most cases.

~~~

My name is Christina Lazarov, wife to my handsome and successful husband, Aristotle.

Note: I’m an enabler, remember?

Whatever my last name used to be is irrelevant because my life back then was irrelevant […not that it doesn’t haunt me in the middle of the night when I remember feeling something rather than nothing at all].

Note: This is something she should have broached in therapy, but because therapists lean in the direction of healing, she found a Pilates instructor.

Now my world is glamorous [pretentious], transcendent [privileged], and blissful [spaced-out], as everyone who’s anyone knows.

Note: Reflection [aka external affirmation] is heroin to any Stepford Wife with a working knowledge of the Devil’s Crossroads.

SUMMARY

1] Aging narcissist-socialites attend parties for the photo ops, not for the charities themselves.

In fact, many of them don’t even know the charities they’re attending, given the number of stops one must make on a particular night, particularly during cultural season.

“Oh is this the Opera gala? Of course it is!”

2] Old money doesn’t want the publicity.

New money can’t live without it.

Note the outrageously expensive and pretentious automobiles cars lined up in perfect formation in front of gold digging establishments.

Money is thrown around like party favors. Think of it as a carbon credit for people who don’t know better.

3] The aging narcissist sits on the fence between old and new, driving cars that are expensive, but not pretentious.

Wearing clothing that is stylish, but not trendy and/and garish.

And generally behaving in a manner reflective of sophistication and cultural maturity, in spits of the fact that it’s a ruse.

In this sense, they’re the lowest of the low because no one has any idea who they really are, including themselves.

I could go on.

Back to the Future

Clint Eastwood, happy 85th

William Shatner, happy 84th

The man you now know as “Raymond Reddington,” happy 55th

Chevy Chase, happy 71st

Gary Oldham, happy 57th

Robert Redford, happy 78th

Martin Sheen, happy 74th

Jeff Bridges, happy 65th

Jay Rusovich [me], happy 59th

~~~

When I was growing up this is what these guys looked like, myself included.

We no longer look this way, but it’s important to note that all of us travel through life in the same progression.

We all know what youth looked and felt like, because at one time, we were also maladjusted teenagers pulling figure-8’s on someone’s golf course in the middle of the night.

I bring this up also because in spite of the fact that youth is still a middle-aged man’s most precious commodity, I never appreciated it until it was gone.

Now I pay through the teeth for it.

How You “KNOW” You’re Middle-Age: A Primer in Dispelling Stereotypes

The article below cites 40 bullet points that claim to determines “middle-age” status:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/28/middle-age_n_3830194.html

Oh Dear God. Here we go…

According the article, the top 40 signs of middle age [55-plus] are as follows.

Notes:

Between each entry are my comments based on personal experience as a middle-age man living in a large metropolitan area.

You may find many of my comments surprising. Or not.

Here’s their list:

1) Losing touch with everyday technology such as tablets and TVs

Comments: This does not apply to me, but it does for others…many others. But most of them are in their 80’s and couldn’t care less.

2) Finding you have no idea what ‘young people’ are talking about

Comments: Again, this doesn’t apply to me because I’m around people of all generations. Disconnecting is a big problem, particularly for older men.

3) Feeling stiff

Comments: I don’t know what “feeling stiff” means in this context, but I have to assume it’s inflexibility, which is not a problem when you stretch, foam roll, and circuit train.

4) Needing an afternoon nap

Comments: On the days I don’t workout I don’t nap. On the days I do, I’m down for the count.

5) Groaning when you bend down

Comments: After dead-lifting hundreds of pounds, the attendant soreness makes me groan just getting out of bed.

6) Not remembering the name of any modern bands

Comments: I didn’t know there were any modern bands. Most of the bands I listen to still tour.

7) Talking a lot about your joints/ailments

Comments: Everyone who works out talks about ailments because we’re looking for work-a rounds, in most cases. As for going on and on about one bullshit ache and pain after the next, I leave it to the guys who threw up their hands at age 50.

8) Hating noisy pubs

Comments: I don’t go to pubs because I’m not much of a drinker. As for restaurants, I don’t like a lot of noise because I can’t hear the conversations, which is why I’m there in the first place.

9) Getting more hairy -– ears, eyebrows, nose, face etc.

Comments: Yes to all of the above, which is why I make sure that stuff doesn’t get out of control. You have to pay attention. Most older men don’t, hence the punchlines.

10) Thinking policemen/teachers/doctors look really young

Comments: I have no idea where this came from because my GP is 10 years older than I am and a triathlete. As for teachers and policemen, it never really crossed my mind.

11) Preferring a night in with a board game than a night on the town

Comments: A night in the pool followed by a glass of wine is more like it. When I was single, I’d take the night on the town in a heartbeat.

12) You don’t know any songs in the top ten

Comments: I don’t know any songs in the top ten by name, but I do recognize a Katy Perry song that makes my skin crawl.

13) Choosing clothes and shoes for comfort rather than style

Comments: I choose shoes with soft soles because they are more comfortable. All of my Prada’s have soft soles.

14) Taking a flask of tea on a day out

Comments: My trainer who’s 35 carries tea around with him, as do a lot of young guys in the gym who want a peak workout. Caffeine is a key ingredient in many sports drinks. I just do the morning coffee and nap when necessary.

15) Obsessive gardening or bird feeding

Comments: I don’t garden, but like trees if that helps.

16) Thinking there is nothing wrong with wearing an anorak

Comments: I didn’t know what an anorak was until I Googled it. But no, I don’t wear one and have no idea why anyone else would, either.

17) Forgetting people’s names

Comments: This has been a problem since high-school, but I’m working on it.

18) Booking on to a cruise

Comments: I hate the idea of being stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean with a bunch of people I don’t know, so no.

19) Misplacing your glasses/bag/car keys etc.

Comments: I’m getting better at this. I started reading this book on mindfulness, which reminded me to try and focus on one thing at a time, rather than 6000.

20) Complaining about the rubbish on television these days

Comments: My name is Jay Rusovich and I am a TV show addict.

21) Gasping for a cup of tea

Comments: I don’t even know what this means.

22) Getting bed socks for Christmas and being very grateful

Comments: I don’t know the meaning of “bed socks.” But I don’t wear socks in bed because I have blankets.

23) Taking a keen interest in The Antiques Road Show

Comments: I’m into mid-century modern and contemporary.

24) When you start complaining about more things

Comments: When I was in high-school I complained about the lack of freedom to come and go as I pleased. Now I complain about long waits for room service. Tie.

25) Listening to the Archers

Comments: I don’t know what – or who – the Archers are, and refuse to Google it/them.

26) You move from radio one to radio two

Comments: I don’t understand this one at all.

27) Joining the National Trust

Comments: The what?

28) Being told off for politically incorrect opinions

Comments: All the time. Always have.

29) Flogging the family car for something sportier

Comments: I’m childless and living with a woman half my age. There is no “family car.”

30) When you can’t lose six pounds in two days anymore

Comments: I lost 5 pounds of water on a two-hour bike ride yesterday.

31) You get shocked by how racy music videos are

Comments: I assume this is a veiled reference to Miley Cyrus performances, which are tepid compared to the shit I’ve seen, and personally experienced.

32) Taking a keen interest in the garden

Comments: Knock if off with the garden shit, already.

33) Buying travel sweets for the car

Comments: We carry stuff most people associate with surviving a global apocalypse. “Sweets” are not on that list.

34) Considering going on a ‘no children’ cruise for a holiday

Comments: Why would any adult want to hang out around a bunch of children?

35) When you know your alcohol limit

Comments: I have always known my alcohol limit. My body tells me the same way it did back in college.

36) Obsessively recycling/ knowing the collection dates

Comments: I just watch what the neighbors do. Most of them are actual adults.

37) Always carrying a handy pack of tissues

Comments: WTF?

38) Falling asleep after one glass of wine

Comments: Most people who workout a lot fall asleep after a glass of water.

39) Spending more money on face creams/anti-aging products

Comments: Guilty as charged. But my girlfriend outspends me tenfold.

40) Preferring a Sunday walk to a lie in

Comments: I’ll take the later, thank you. I need a day off once a week.

~ ~ ~

NEED MORE MIDLIFE BASHING? THE HP IS HERE TO HELP, AGAIN…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/05/22/signs-youre-not-as-young-as-you-used-to-be_n_7293432.html

1. You walk into the kitchen to get something but you forget what it was when you get there.

Comments: I remember walking into my college library as a senior and forgetting what book I was looking for – during finals.

2. Every horizontal surface in your house has a pair of reading glasses on it.

Comments: Both sunglasses and reading glasses, actually.

3. You are regularly asked why you still have a telephone land line.

Comments: The land line is strictly a back-up system. I still don’t know the number. But my 84-year-old mother uses her land line regularly.

4. You carry cash and use it to pay for things.

Comments: If I have a few 5’s in my pocket it’s for valets, not luncheon meat.

5. You still figure out the tip in your head instead of using your phone calculator or an app.

Comments: Since the bill for dinner is usually $150, I tip $30. The day I use an App to calculate 20% to the penny, shoot me.

6. You check the menu online before you eat in a restaurant because you know you won’t be able to see it once you are there.

Comments: I never look at a menu. That’s what waiters are for.

7. You frequently choose restaurants based on their parking situation.

Comments: When you live in a big city, you need valets in order to find a parking space. Why would I walk two blocks to a restaurant?

8. When you park at the mall, you take a photo of where you left your car.

Comments: I have never heard of anyone doing this, but I assume the writer does.

9. You get invited to parties that start later than you like to go to bed.

Comments: We usually go to bed around midnight, so if the party starts at midnight, we opt out.

10. More than once you’ve grabbed the Ben-Gay thinking it was the toothpaste tube.

Comments: I started wearing readers at 39, and since that time, I can’t count the number of things I’ve squirted in the wrong places.

11. Loud music bothers you unless you’re the one playing it.

Comments: I get upset if music isn’t loud enough to hear, since I lost a lot of my hearing listening to loud music.

12. You rushed out and bought the iPhone6 Plus and love it — even if your kids mock you.

Comments: I bought the Iphone 6 because the ‘Plus” is the size of my Ipad.

13. You have different glasses for reading, for driving, for the computer and for going to the movies.

Comments: Just readers. Computers apparently don’t affect long distance vision.

14. You no longer rush to the dermatologist over every new sun spot.

Comments: I do, in fact, rush to the dermatologist every time I see a new sun spot. Some things never change.

15. You think people driving the speed limit are driving too fast.

Comments: I pretty much always think people are driving too slow.

16. You see items from your youth on “Antiques Roadshow” — going for top dollar.

Comments: Yea, I agree with this one.

17. You prefer a coffee maker with just an on/off switch.

Comments: I like having options, which is why I use the timer. But a simple “on-off” is good, too.

18. You understand that the only toppings on a pizza should be cheese and pepperoni.

Comments: The only ingredients I don’t use are cheese and pepperoni.

19. You can’t pronounce quinoa.

Comments: KEENWAH. Happy?

20. Kale will always be just a salad bar decoration to you.

Comments: Kale gets stuck in my teeth, which is why it’s often just decoration.

21. Shaving your legs is something you do only when going to the beach or a pool party.

Comments: No, I shave them all the time. So does my girlfriend.

22. You eyebrows turn white, if you have any eyebrows left.

Comments: Yup, whitish, but full.

23. Buying a new appliance makes you happy.

Comments: Who doesn’t love new appliances?

24. You fall asleep whenever you try to watch TV.

Comments: I have never fallen asleep watching television, but my girlfriend does it all the time, and she’s half my age.

25. You pick movies based on the theaters with fully reclining seats.

Comments: I don’t like sitting in dark rooms filled with complete strangers.

26. You begin to “get” cruises.

Comments: I’ve never been on a cruise and never intend to.

27. You wear your Fitbit to the mall and immediately check how far you’ve just walked.

Comments: My Fitbit is still sitting on my desk after giving me wrist rash.

28. You don’t have operations anymore; you have “procedures.”

Comments: The difference between an operation and a procedure is anesthesia. If I have to go under, I’m having an operation.

29. You wish your doctor took the laxatives that he gives you as pre-colonoscopy prep.

Comments: I don’t care what my doctor takes as long as he’s not tripping during the procedure.

30. The first thing you look for in an obituary is the person’s age and what killed them.

Comments: I don’t read obituaries unless I’m doing research.

31. You remember when you used to think having hemorrhoids was a big deal.

Comments: I’ve never had hemorrhoids.

32. Your idea of a great date night involves take-out food and Netflix.

Comments: I’m on board with this one.

33. When you come upon old photos of yourself, you think “I was so thin then.” All the time.

Comments: I was very thin back then, and lucky not to be locked up.

34. You are a big fan of yellow sticky notes.

Comments: I use pink ones.

35. You cut off the wine early enough to take the sleeping aid.

Comments: When I take a sleep aid, it’s with frozen fruit, a slice of low fat cheese and some pita chips.

36. You wonder when exactly it was that liberal you became a fiscal conservative.

Comments: I’ve always considered myself a fiscal conservative, even when I didn’t have a dime.

37. Public transportation makes you uneasy.

Comments: What’s public transportation?

38. You understand why people pay to upgrade their seat on planes.

Comments: So does Justin Bieber.

39. Running shoes are your go-to footwear — and not for running.

Comments: I would generally agree with this one.

40. You buy drugstore hair coloring by the case when it’s on sale.

Comments: The only thing I get by the case is pet food.

41. You’ve had conversations with friends about the best source of bran.

Comments: I have never had a conversation about bran.

42. You know first-hand that generics aren’t as good as the real deal.

Comments: If the generics work, I buy them. If not, I buy the name brands.

43. You pour egg whites into your coffee thinking it was fat-free creamer.

Comments: Seriously?

44. Your kids are all taller than you.

Comments: None of the animals in this house are taller than me.

45. You do some mental math before adopting a new puppy or kitten.

Comments: No I just grab whatever’s dragging garbage across the street.

46. You say things like, “My next house won’t have so many stairs.”

Comments: I said this 20 years ago and still have a lot of stairs.

47. You can’t remember the last time you fell asleep and stayed asleep all night.

Comments: I usually sleep through the night. If not, I don’t remember waking.

48. You are finally remembering which is Medicare and which is Medicaid.

Comments: I still have to Google it.

49. Hotels no longer ask to actually see your AARP card before they give you a discounted rate.

Comments: Hotels never offer me a discount of any kind. In fact, most of them pad the bill.

50. You swear your feet are growing wider — because they are.

Comments: If my feet are wider it’s because I have more lean muscle mass, which would make anyone’s feet wider. Large animals have big feet, too.

SUMMARY

Folks, I could go on and on with this crap until the sun dies.

People love stereotyping Baby Boomers; putting millions of us into neat little boxes that can be stacked on shelves and labelled.

But what happens when you don’t fit the stereotypes?

You put a smile on your face and middle finger in the air.

Exclusive Health Clubs and the Darwinian Ecosystem

Darwin should have spent more time studying human behavior. It would have made the animal kingdom appear more evolved.

~ ~ ~

Now, what I’m about to say is done so out of the kindness of my heart, notwithstanding the fact that human nature is suspect under most circumstances.

Some of us have enough soul to communicate without ulterior motive, unless you consider lambasting a motive.

Let’s just say that people “acquire” what they can as long as they can get away with it.

“I’m an 18-year-old college coed with a beautiful face and flawless physique. I know that my popularity is tied to these features. And while I may struggle with the fact that physical beauty opens doors before anyone knows my first name, I tend to get over it. For a while, anyway. As I enter my mid-20’s, I notice changes, feel the pressure of expectations that force my hand to make decisions that challenge my ability to simply exist. Now I must do. But I’m addicted to the attention without having to lift a finger, and people now expect me to do something more than present well. Oh shit. Okay, let’s see. I have a degree in Business Administration, so I guess I better start sending out job applications. Seriously? I’m sending out job applications? For what? So I can prove to the world that there is more to me than a pretty face and a perfect ass? Well guess what? It’s changing! I’m changing. My face is not as young as it was as a teenager, and now I have to workout all the friggin’ time to maintain my object status, which I don’t want to forsake for 60 hour workweeks. Oh dear god, what’s happening to me? I need to get married before I miss this opportunity! But I can’t just do that because then I’m just like every other pretty girl who did nothing with her life, but become someone’s wife and a mother to our children. Of course, the neighborhoods and vacations are nice. But I’m not ready to throw in the towel just yet. So I work and date and go to the gym to try to keep it all propped up until I start experiencing radical weight loss, depression and social withdrawal. So I go to therapy, where I discover that women are, in fact, objects, and that I have this one life, this one shot at making it before the flame is gone forever. So I capitulate, marrying a wealthy guy who knows my family. We buy a beautiful hone in a beautiful neighborhood and have two beautiful children. Now I’m 35, divorced with two kids and back on the dating market. I should have stuck with the 60 hour work week…”

More “enlightened” young women at my health club [i.e., less conflicted] embrace their object status and exploit it without mercy.

They come to the gym fully loaded, ready for adventure and excitement under the pretense of training.

Oh, the train. They absolutely train, primarily their butt muscles, which carry enough firepower to land a nest-egg the size of a Volkswagen.

They all know the score. All of us do, both men and women.

It’s why no one falls on the floor when they stretch and grind, particularly women who [on some level] respect their tenacity and focus.

One day, those same women will invite them into their lavish homes, and perhaps, introduce them to men far wealthier than their current husbands.

But as we all know, this is normal, well-adjusted behavior in a world where everything is for sale to the highest bidder.

Young men play a similar game. While they are often heard complaining about all the older men hoarding women their age, they certainly understand the power of money, which cuts through everything like a hot butter knife.

“I’m a 25-year-old guy with a great body and wealthy dad. One day I will inherit his business and the world will be mine. Actually, it already is mine, given the number of women I run through on a weekly basis. I know they appreciate good looks, and it’s always nice to find someone their own age. But what they really want is money. They call it security, but I know what they mean. They don’t want no matter what they tell me because sacrificing looks for business opportunity just isn’t worth jeopardizing the nice house and the country club membership. As for me, I’m just along for the ride. I date them and then forget their names. Marriage, or whatever, isn’t in the cards for me until I’m at least 40, at which point I’ll find the hottest 22-year-old on the planet.”

In both instances, young men and women of this world – of my world – are pragmatic on every level. They know how life works and they leverage everything they have to achieve success as they see it.

This is not as much about love as is about survival of the fittest.

Then they can afford to love all they want.

Midlife Miasma: When Older Men Play the Comparison Game

No matter how much money you have, somebody else has more…not to mention better looks, prettier [and younger] wives, bigger houses, more cars.

It never ends.

You can’t win.

One guy in Aspen, Colorado lamented the fact that his net worth of 200 million paled in comparison to all the billionaires around him.

A new definition of pathetic emerges.

It also bears noting that some of the world’s most famous “serial killers” were wealthy enough to buy Rome.

I assume that guy in Aspen knows them all by their first names.

While life is rich and full when there is a sense of accomplishment, it is a lot fuller when you add friends and loved ones who truly care about you.

The more you get wrapped up in achievement-as-drug, you farther you drift from everything else.

POSTSCRIPT

The REALLY dark side of the comparison game is evidenced in older men of low achievement who play the “beat down” game.

They criticize doers [including their “friends”], finding whatever morsel of perceived vulnerability they can, and then magnifying it a thousand times in blitzkriegs on social media.

I’ve seen this more times than I can count, which is why many experts in the field of human psychology refuse to do “bonding” workshops with older men.

Their fierce competitiveness with one another, coupled with a total inability to explore any degree of vulnerability, makes it an exercise in utter futility.

No wonder women outlive us.

I’ll leave you with this:

When Will Fashion Designers Roll Out Syringe Cases for Affluent Testosterone Junkies?

At this writing, designer syringe cases for testosterone users do not exist.

Yea, I’m shocked too given the availability and use of the drug among affluent older men, particularly the ones who don’t need it, but still can’t live without it.

Nonetheless, Baby Boomers like myself have become targets of a nationwide advertising campaign to dope us into submission.

In a way, it’s like the old Wheaties ads, but more expensive.

Get up in the morning, eat a healthy breakfast, shoot up, get on with your day! It all sounds so innocent, almost healthy.

No wonder I am literally surrounded by men my age who “supplement,” as it’s commonly referred.

Most of them use synthetic testosterone in conjunction with Human Growth hormone [HGH], while others “stack” other variants to the mix in order to maximize performance and build lean mass.

This is considered normal by many, and counting.

The objective is to bring testosterone and HGH mainstream so that no one will think twice about grabbing prescriptions every time they buy toothpaste.

It must be working because I’d hard-pressed to point out more than a handful of a single older men who workout like I do who DON’T SUPPLEMENT.

They know the risks, they can read.

“Swollen and painful breasts, blood clots in the legs, increased risk for prostate cancer, problems breathing during sleep (sleep apnea), change in the size and shape of the testicles, and a low sperm count.”

But their physicians, the antagonists in this drama, downplay the side-effects in order to keep prescriptions filled.

“Oh, just come in for a blood test every three months to check your liver and PSA levels and you’ll be fine. Who doesn’t want more energy, a better sex drive, and more lean mass?”

So a year later THEY stroke out and the doctor attributes it to over-training.

All testosterone products contain a warning label about the potential for blood clots, but nobody pays any more attention to it than they do warning labels on Bayer aspirin.

So now your doctor is off the hook and your legal war is with the drug cartels and insurance giants who can buy and sell you thousands of times, bleeding you so white with attorney’s fees you throw your hands up and surrender.

The only people who can win this war are the ones keeping it going: Users.

Stop using and they go away.

Otherwise, expect the process of demand and supply to run on all cylinders.

According to an article published in Scientific American, nearly 3 percent of American men aged 40 and older are thought to have received testosterone scripts in 2011 — three times the percentage in 2001. (If confirmed, the 2011 ratio could mean that perhaps two million older men in the U.S. have been given prescriptions for testosterone.)

In 2014, the numbers are probably twice that.

Here’s the article:

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/increasing-testosterone-use-raises-safety-concerns/

As an older man who is literally inundated with chatter about “Low T,” I can attest to its allure.

More energy on less sleep, and a body from hell at age 60.

I dunno, it kinda sells itself.

One reader responded to this article with a familiar refrain:

“The problem is that the criteria doesn’t know what my testosterone levels should be for my age. The average testosterone levels are established for men between the ages of 18 and 80. I am not 18 nor 80 but one specific age. But the data show nothing about these numbers.”

As everyone in this game knows, the key to deciding whether or not to start a testosterone regimen comes down to the numbers.

In other words, what should my numbers be for someone my age?

This, my friends, is at the very crux of the controversy.

If the prescribing physician raises the baseline for what we’re told the Tes levels of a 60-year-old man should be, then we damn well need more testosterone.

This well written Atlantic Magazine article below covers this controversy in more detail:

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/04/should-the-modern-man-be-taking-testosterone/274663/

SUMMARY

I’m not a member of the testosterone club.

I have to sleep 8 hours a night, cycle my workouts for maximum recovery, spend no more than 1 hour a day at the gym [rather than 6], and eat pretty much perfectly – no trash foods ever.

This is the price I pay for being my age.

My testosterone levels are well within the normal range, not the range of a 19-year-old.

I have to make peace with that.

I can only do what my body allows at this age and under optimum lifestyle choices.

The rest is up to nature.

If I choose to visit one of the well-known physicians here in Houston who write millions in testosterone and HGH prescriptions every year, I am sure to walk out with a full bag of goodies to remedy my “flagging health.”

Note: I currently hold the Texas State record for the RAW deadlift, within my weight and age division, through he USAPL, which strictly forbids the use of steroids.

POSTSCRIPT

There are a few men who have what is referred to as hypogonadism where the body doesn’t produce enough testosterone.

The condition is rare, but it does occur, and in such case testosterone supplementation becomes necessary in order for a man to live a full, healthy life.

I also know bodybuilders who simply cannot achieve the mass necessary to win contests without dramatically increasing testosterone levels.

It’s just part of that sport, but also a source of unbelievable acrimony from users in denial about the risks.

If you don’t believe me, go on any bodybuilding site and mention health risks associated with testosterone supplementation and you’ll end up closing your account until the vitriol calms down.

In the end, no junkie in his right mind wants to be told that crack cocaine is bad for his health anymore than an exercise addict wants to hear about the downsides of anorexia.

The “Middle-Aged Men in Lycra” [MAMIL] Phenomenon

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2869069/Oh-shame-married-MAMIL-s-Middle-Aged-Man-Lycra.html

Daily Mail ran an article last year about the “middle-aged man in Lycra” phenomenon, and since that time the situation has gone viral.

Even the Chinese see the uptick in local Lycra sales.

From the perspective of an older man who went through the Lycra phrase back in the 90’s, I can tell you in no uncertain terms that it’s the middle-aged man’s last stand.

If it’s not the ’69 Chevy Camaro, it’s going to be the Lycra.

Get used to it, because one way or the other, they’re going in.

They want to be who they once were – or wanted to be – now that they can afford it without having to sell the kitchen sink on Ebay.

Of course their wives of 20 years are dumbfounded witnessing their once normal and well adjusted husbands in clothing and accessories usually reserved for circus acts or Dr. Who reruns.

But this is how middle-age often manifests in men, particularly in those of achievement and ambition.

Some of us buy boats, motorcycles and cars. Others buy women.

But the last damn thing we do is buy into mortality.

Some of us look ridiculous doing the things we do, while others pull the same things off with aplomb.

It all gets down to self-actualization.

If you don’t have it, you end up looking like the caricature in the photo above.

If you do, you end up looking more along the lines of this:

But “Scooby” [pictured above], is a fitness guru, not an accountant turned fitness fanatic in his 50’s.

There’s a difference.

Most older men who start late with the fitness lifestyle tend to morph from spin class [for cardiovascular health] into walking billboards for cycling manufacturers.

Most of them are late learners who see this as an opportunity to become the men they’ve always wanted to be – but couldn’t – due to 60 hour work weeks, family obligations and travel.

Nonetheless, older men still look ridiculous in this crap. Hell, everyone looks ridiculous in it.

But older men become the scapegoat for everything that doesn’t fade and die the way it’s “supposed” to.

Of course, most men who did what they were told never made it to the top, which is why you rarely hear their wives complaining about their nice neighborhoods.

POSTSCRIPT

For many men, cycling is a way to connect with others the way they did back in their college days.

Men are not particularly good at mid-life bonding, so it’s arguable that cycling serves a greater purpose.

Personally, I think that anything that gives men purpose gives the people in their lives hope.

POST-POSTSCRIPT

I thought this was funny, so I’ll share it with you.

There’s this guy around me age who spent his life as an accountant for a medium-sized oil and gas firm.

He was a mousy little man, quiet and unassuming.

Then one day he sold his shares in the company and retired with his then middle-aged wife.

Suddenly, the guy shows up last week in psychedelic Lycra biking tights; his arms ripped and muscular, his face sporting a certain indigence that suggested a new-found aggression.

Sadly, his wife who looked totally out of place hanging out with her “new” jacked and steroid-fueled husband, and together they walk towards the gym, the woman trailing behind.

I bring this up because some guys should just stay in the shadows.

As I’ve always said, if you can pull off whatever it is you’re trying to do/be, by all means go for it.

But you need to be self-aware enough to know the difference between pulling it off and making a complete fool of yourself – and your wife in the process.

With this in mind, I’m sure said wife is the next to go.

November 2024
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