Longer Life Vs. Quality of Life

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2010/feb/14/elderly-overweight-lower-mortality-risk

“…being overweight was a major risk factor for many health problems, including Type 2 diabetes, hypertension, stroke, coronary disease, cancer and loss of physical function. “These are strong enough reasons to strive for a healthy weight and avoidance of obesity. Moreover, given all the adverse effects of obesity on health, it isn’t biologically plausible that being overweight would lower mortality risks.”

In recent years there has been quite a bit of “noise” about older adults [65+] experiencing longer lives when their BMI [body mass index] is slightly above federal standards.

The rationale is that, perhaps, in cases when people are undergoing surgery or experience illness, they have physical “reserves” to draw from that keep them alive longer.

But at what cost?

If I had the choice to be 70 years old, but in poor health, or in great health up to the moment I died at, say, 70, I’d pick the later.

This real issue here is quality of life, not survival.

If all we managed to do was survive, why bother?

This is why this “living longer with extra fat” narrative is absurd as a practical matter.

Nonetheless, it bears noting that every study indicates that sedentary lifestyles, in general, are the leading cause of illness and premature death among older adults.

Just ask the guys in the above photograph.

Midlife Not for the Faint of Heart

“Out here on the perimeter, there are no stars…” Jim Morrison

Yea, no shit.

The following is an excerpt from my new book, Urban Dystrophy, now available on Amazon.

It’s probably a familiar narrative to many of you:

“I’m sitting at a white plastic table in front of a wine bar. It’s one o’clock on a Tuesday morning and an empty parking lot is the only landscape. The streets are deserted. Most guys my age are asleep. Their time came and went, and they let go in that unconscious way most men do when their stories have been told and the end is a long, drawn-out epitaph.

But, I stayed behind, along with the rest of the itinerants of the night. I have no place to go that I haven’t already been, and nothing to do but wait and hope and sometimes pray for mercy that relevance and that one big love will one day redeem me, but it never does. Not really.

We’re beyond salvation. Most of us. There have been exceptions, but the grace is never a hundred percent and you have to make peace with that the best you can. We’re members of the bitten, the damned, the fighters against the forces of time until we no longer can. Most of us are children of narcissists, narcissists who never died because narcissists never do—they’re just recycled and the kids are left to clean up the mess.

I wonder where all the time went. Time is all I have left to make a final stand. I remember my first midlife crisis at 28. The rest is a blur. Decades came and went. Now I can’t even remember yesterday, much less last week.

Urban Dystrophy

http://www.amazon.com/Urban-Dystrophy-Perverse-Truths-Mid-Life-ebook/dp/B00VH3NKGA

Reinventing Yourself in the Middle Years.

We all dream, some bigger than others.

But as life wears on and we find ourselves somewhere between youth and old age, we often wonder if pursuing them isn’t a fool’s errand.

It’s not…as long as you can afford them.

~~~

I can’t count the number of men in my age demographic [58-64] who’ve decided to radically change directions in life.

1] Some changed wives.

2] Some changed careers.

3] Some went fly fishing.

But all of them had the financial resources to do all of it without fear of ending up under a bridge.

Their backs weren’t against a wall. Change wasn’t something they had to face.

When it is, I’m sorry and good luck. You’ll need it.

With this in mind, the first consideration when making the decision to reinvent oneself is MONEY.

It doesn’t have to be a lot.

But if you feel more secure having that income from computer programming in Florida than whatever you’d earn as a trail guide and wildlife photographer in Seattle, you might want to reconsider the move.

You’re no longer a kid.

Landing on your feet this time around will be a lot harder than it used to be.

I know this isn’t the stuff of fantasy, but fantasy this time around is a lot more expensive.

Using MONEY as the template for reinventing oneself, let’s take a look at the 3 possibilities mentioned above.

1] Some changed wives.

Many middle aged men find themselves in 20-year marriages that feel more like a death sentence.

The sex is dead and/or on life support, and whatever common interests they once shared is a distant memory.

Typical example: Middle-aged man decides to get in the best shape of his life, but his wife prefers sitting on the couch with a pile of history books and a bag of Cheetos.

Now what?

The usual outcome is that he either gets his wife on board with his new lifestyle habits, or he gets a new wife.

Some men buy Harley’s and hit the road with a fanny pack full of pharmaceutical grade testosterone, telling their wives they need time to find themselves.

Others take on a mistress without telling their wives anything at all.

The last group lingers somewhere between action and inaction, which usually ends badly for all parties because they’re forever in transition.

They don’t have the funds to cover the divorce attorneys and mistresses, so live vicariously through others–or sneak off to strip clubs for a few moments of pleasure before returning to hell.

2] Some changed careers.

Most guys I know make lateral moves in their careers.

Retired pro athlete becomes a sportscaster.

Actor becomes producer.

Musician starts his own label.

These moves make a lot of financial sense because they’re lateral.

These men aren’t coming out of lackluster careers in the insurance industry hoping to become rock stars.

However, with enough success under one’s belt, you can play male-believe rock star and people are still happy to take your credit cards.

Again, it’s a pragmatic approach to life that one must consider after enough years have passed.

3] Some went fly fishing.

Some guys don’t have a particular passion in life, so they do what they enjoy doing and call it a day.

While sitting on a beach in Jamaica for the rest of ones life may not be enough to fulfill many of you. But staying “relevant” in the context of popular culture isn’t for everyone, especially men who coasted through life doing what they were supposed to do because they didn’t know what else to do.

1] They went to school.

2] They got a job, any job.

3] They got married.

4] They had kids.

5] They retired.

You may not know their names, or recognize their faces, but there are tens of millions of them on every continent.

They make up the lion’s share of the world’s population.

Not everyone is an overachiever, not everyone wired for greatness.

If this were the case we’d all kill each other.

In many ways, these guys are among the most fortunate because they don’t need to feel involved in life in order to derive satisfaction from it.

SUMMARY

The men in my demographic do whatever the hell they want to do because they can afford it.

I’m not talking about private jets, homes in Aspen, or presidential suites at the Beverly Wilshire, though many enjoy all three.

I’m talking about comfortable lives in the absence of financial worry.

To be perfectly honest with you, these men are the happiest men I know.

Is there a direct correlation between money and happiness?

Yes.

Is having a tremendous fortune necessary in order to achieve happiness?

No.

Just understand that without enough of it, reinvention is an uphill battle that few men in their late 50’s or 60’s are prepared to face unless the road is already paved.

If you’d like an all-around happy ending to the reinvention debate, check this out from Mail Online:

Shared dreams…and money.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/travel_news/article-3161069/Tiny-sailors-Caribbean-Meet-extraordinary-water-babies-grown-travelling-world-boat-ocean-loving-parents.html

Media Stereotypes of Older Men vs. Reality

This old fella here is probably in his mid-70’s, yet he’s cast as a man of 58.

Honestly, I’d consider addressing him as “sir,” with old man sunglasses, old man arms, and that swing thing so common among men who were either stroke victims, or in rehab for shoulder surgery.

This notwithstanding, if he were 80, I’d say he was in great shape no matter what the tangential health issues.

Of course, I could be wrong.

He may, in fact, be 58.

If this is the case, God help him.

~~~

Here’s a recent article that appeared in Livestrong.com.

The photo caption above is the one taken from the article:

http://www.livestrong.com/article/437206-common-exercises-for-58-year-old-men/

In my world, guys in th 58-62 range look more like this:

Gord Mackinnon, crossfit athlete.

According to the article, men in the 58-62-year-old range are in transition between what’s considered middle age and senior citizen, the later of which falls on top of the 65-year-old.

Hell, you just as soon shoot yourself by these standards.

So how does a “geriatric” of 58 stay in shape?

According to the article, here are the obligatory exercises:

1] Swimming

“An enjoyable exercise that aging men who suffer from sore, achy and stiff joints [as well as muscles] commonly engage in.”

COMMENTS

This is fine for the average man who wants to claim to be athletic, but isn’t.

Nobody I know paddles around for 30 minutes and feels any sense of accomplishment.

You have to push yourself to experience gains.

If you do 30 minutes of swimming 3x/wk, make it 30 minutes of intervals, each heat hitting hitting your 85% max heart rate.

2] Walking

“Walking is an easy exercise habit for older men to stick with…”

COMMENTS

Am I really reading this?

Next thing you know they’ll be referring to getting out of bed.

If you’re going to do a walking routine, make sure it’s it’s intense enough to achieve your training heart rate.

A leisurely walk is something you do in a museum, not on a track or gym.

Yesterday, my workout concluded with a 5 minute-walking sprint on a treadmill.

It was set at manual, so I had to push the rubberized track.

It wasn’t going to move by itself.

I managed to hit 146 BPM, which is close to 87% of max.

By the time it was over i could have squeezed a full glass of sweat from my t-shirt.

That’s training.

3] Bike riding

“Bike riding is a no-impact exercise that is gentler on knee joints than pavement-pounding exercises…”

COMMENTS

Oh my God, shut the hell up already!

Are you kidding me?

Try a spin class before you get your old ass on a bike.

It will get you in shape so you don’t fall down and not be able to get back up.

4] Weight training

“Hit the weights two to three times per week with two exercises each for the chest, back, arms, shoulders, legs and core.”

COMMENTS

Yes folks, this stuff is actually published.

Weight training for a 58-year-old is exactly the same as it is for a 38-year-old, except that the older guy needs more recovery time. Period.

I weight train 3x/wk and pack on as much muscle as I did 20 years ago.

The reason for this is rest and recovery.

I can no longer weight train 5 days a week without chronic inflammation and/or injury.

But when I do train, I can humble men half my age.

I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I am capable of doing all the things I did at 20, nor am I going to tell you that age categories in fitness competitions are irrelevant.

What I am telling you is that your training is just as tough as it always was, rest and recovery considered.

5] Flexibility and balance

“Older men commonly experience a decrease in flexibility and joint mobility as they age.”

COMMENTS

All men of all ages experience decreases in flexibility when they are inactive.

That’s why seasoned athletes spend an inordinate amount of time on flexibility and mobility exercises.

The human body is meant to move.

SUMMARY

Whether it’s swimming, walking, cycling, weight training or flexibility work, if you want gains, you have to push your boundaries to get the results you have in your head.

As I’ve said a hundred times before, it’s not a cakewalk, not for the faint of heart, not for the easily defeated.

A fitness lifestyle is a different way of looking at life.

It’s all-encompassing. Not something you dabble in.

Dabble in business and see what happens to your business.

The mindset has to rise above the mean in order to get to where you want to be in whatever your endeavor, and fitness is no different.

Stop reading feel-good articles, and start reading ones that challenge you.

Stop accepting stereotypes.

The more you accept, the more the tired dogma burrows into your life and weakens your resolve.

Don’t be a statistic.

Get to the gym and out into life like a man who has decades ahead of him to make a stand.

Raise the bar and the world will rise with you.

As for these people who keep pandering to the averages, tell ’em to kiss your ass.

Rise of the “Kidult”

“Kidult” [Wiki]: In the early 21st century, there was reporting that for an adult to have interests traditionally expected only from children is not necessary an anomaly. The entertainment industry was quick to recognize the trend, and introduced a special category, “kidult,” of things marketable for kids and adults alike. Enormous successes of films such as Shrek and Harry Potter, of books traditionally targeted for teenagers and the fact that Disneyland is among the world’s top adult (without kids) vacation destinations seem to indicate that “kidulthood” is a rather mainstream phenomenon. And unlike puer aeternus, “rejuveniles” successfully marry adult responsibilities with non-adult interests. When Christopher Noxon appeared on The Colbert Report on June 29, 2006, he remarked that “There’s a big difference between childish and childlike”.

~~~

“Normal” people look at guys like me and wonder what happened?

“Is he ever going to grow up?”

“Why is he not out-of-shape?”

“Why doesn’t he have an age-appropriate girlfriend? Is he intimidated by women his own age?”

“Is the young woman in his home a gold-digger, or did her father not love her enough?”

“Why doesn’t he have children?”

“Is he too selfish, narcissistic and self-absorbed to share his life with others?”

“Why doesn’t he dress more conservatively like other men his age?”

“Why does he dress like that?”

“Why doesn’t he think like we do?”

“Why is he trying to be 20 all over again?”

Oh lord, I could go on…

~~~

To be perfectly honest with you, I have always been this way.

For one thing, I have always been my own man.

I worked for myself, set my own schedule, led my own life.

All I had to do was be good at what I did, treat my clients well, and pay a CPA to keep me out of jail.

After a while the freedom and independence this afforded me became part of my identity.

The lifestyle made me more resilient, self-reliant. Those acquired attributes are just part of the process of independence.

And while it hasn’t always been easy, the pay-off covered the periodic turbulence–10-fold.

To all the men my age who continue to live life as fully–and intensely–as we did back in the day, congratulations.

You’ve officially earned a legion of haters who wish they had the balls to have done exactly the same thing.

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

~ e.e. cummings

~~~

For more reading on this topic, the following article by Robert Firestone Ph.D. is illuminating.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-human-experience/201306/six-aspects-being-adult

~~~

FURTHER SUGGESTED READING

http://bigthink.com/errors-we-live-by/the-death-of-adulthood-rise-of-kidults

~~~

Typical habitat of the “Kidult.”

Mine…

To Manscape or Not to Manscape?

Brian Viner for Daily Mail

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3148986/Wax-away-hairy-man-chest-Brian-Viner-gave-try.html

In my urban slice of the socioeconomic pie, manscaping is considered normal maintenance for older men.

But this does require some degree of qualification: Vain-ish older men.

Not pathologically vain, but vain within reason in large metropolitan circles.

Appearance is survival in these places – for both men and women.

When I was a young man I had chest hair.

Of course, it was also the 80’s, so there’s that.

But when you’re in your 20’s, chest hair also ends to behave.

It grows in certain areas, but not in others.

It’s not invasive.

A little brown tuft in the middle of one’s chest is fine.

But as we age it starts to spread like influenza in what I assume is a last ditch effort to remind us of our primordial genesis, which helps prepare us for death.

But vain men don’t want to die anymore than women want to ditch their plastic surgeons.

So we fight back.

Brian Viner [above] is NOT what most men in my world look like…with or without the chest hair.

Appearance is not high on his list of priorities.

Why this is I don’t know.

Some men just don’t care, which is why they find others just like themselves.

Together, they live in gated suburban communities.

This is one reason he looks ridiculous without chest hair.

If my chest looked like that I wouldn’t shave it either.

The more hair, the more coverage. Great.

But for men who take pride in their appearances, the last thing they want is an unattended lawn.

I can’t even remember the last time I saw one of these guy, to be honest with you.

It’s not that I don’t see chest hair. I do.

But it’s “good” chest hair. Clustered, trimmed and even.

The rest either shave it off, or have it lasered by one of the 20,000,000 salons on every street corner in Houston.

For the guys who opt to maintain – rather than rid – the one thing no one in their right mind does is parade around with hair on their backs.

In some zip codes it’s considered a class 3 misdemeanor.

In mine it’s a felony.

Here is Mr. Viner’s back, and why he would be doing community service around here:

I know, it’s horrific.

But this is considered normal, again, in some circles…not mine.

People just don’t walk around like this unless they have some psychiatric disability.

But allow me to point out [yet again] that Mr. Viner’s back is also soft and out of shape, which further reflects his lack of concern for appearance, and thus, the need for him to find refuge in insulated culture groups.

I always go back to this point because in America there are two distinctly different worlds:

One is Urban, the other rural and/or suburban.

Each have their own set of values.

And while some men work in big cities, they always go back to where they came from to avoid jail time.

There’s an upside to everything.

To close, the photograph below is what older men in my world consider normal:

Congratulations to Billy Joel [66] and Alexis Roderick [33]!

Billy Joel and Alexis Roderick in surprise 4th of July wedding.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/music/celebrity/billy-joel-weds-girlfriend-during-fourth-of-july-party/ar-AAcztHn

Folks, it doesn’t matter what the difference in age – or any of the other line items to which we’re supposed to adhere in order to have normal, well-adjusted relationships].

Love finds us wherever we happen to be standing at any given moment.

Be ready for whatever the hell it looks like.

13 Reasons Why Older Men Should “Lift Heavy.”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/12/benefits-of-lifting-weights_n_6432632.html

As we get older, the more muscle mass we have, the less likely we are to die prematurely…or suffer clinical depression, which is worse.

The article offers the following bullet points, which I will elaborate on here:

1] You’ll live longer.

According to 2014 research from UCLA, “the greater your muscle mass, the lower your risk of death.”

Unfortunately, most physicians tell their older patients to moderate their activities to avoid injury rather than challenge themselves.

This is ass backwards.

If you DON”T lift heavy, you are guaranteed to injure yourself just getting out of bed.

2] You’ll sleep better.

When your body is tired it needs rest. The more physically exhausted, the more rest.

It’s a simple equation.

People who don’t exercise tend to wake up all hours of the night wondering what happened to their lives.

3] You feel better about your life.

When you accomplish something you never thought possible, you get a corresponding shot of self-esteem.

If you keep believing you can’t this or that simply because you’re older, injury will find you.

Take what your body will give you.

You’ll soon learn it has a lot more to give than you thought.

4] Protect the bones.

The heavier you lift, the more bone density you create.

Stop lifting and you’re just a blood sac waiting to explode.

5] Maintain balance [literally].

If you want to prevent falls resulting in things like broken hips – the death knell of the aging – combine strength training, flexibility and balancing exercises.

Among older men I know, the only way to stay in the game of life is to stay in the gym.

6] Reduce anxiety and depression.

Strength training stimulates hormones, increases brain function, and relieves anxiety and depression.

If you don’t believe me, drag your ass to a gym for an intense one-hour workout and I will show you a different person.

7] Look better in clothes.

If you want to look good in clothes, you have to be able to fill them out.

Nobody likes stooped shoulders and an old man ass.

8] Burn more calories.

The more lean body mass you build, the more calories you burn just watching television.

Lifting heavy guarantees more lean mass.

9] It’s not as time-consuming as you think.

Runners do the least amount of strength training, which is why I don’t recommend endurance running to anyone.

You end up looking like crap and you’re as weak as matchstick.

Having said this, strength training an hour a day, 3 days a week is what I would consider more than adequate for most Boomers.

10] It doesn’t matter where you lift, or what you lift, as long as you lift.

Body weight exercises are fine. You can do them anywhere.

But to get the benefits I’m talking about here, you have to invest in weights that challenge you beyond the push up.

11] You are more athletic.

Strength training enables the body to perform better, faster, stronger.

If you don’t believe me, take a look at all the older men who don’t train at all and get back to me.

12] You heart will thank you.

Cardio isn’t the only form of exercise that benefits the heart.

In some cases, strength training has been shown to to be as effective as statin drugs.

13] Reject aging.

When people say age is a state of mind, they’re referring to healthy adults.

If you let yourself fall apart, you will argue the previous point.

SUMMARY

Strength training is the primary weapon against aging.

If you commit yourself to a fitness lifestyle that includes heavy resistance training, you can avoid many of the pitfalls of aging that all sedentary people experience prematurely.

From the muscle-fat connection [higher metabolic rate], to osteoporosis prevention, to a decrease in arthritic pain, to glucose metabolism improvement, to better mental health – heavy weight training is as close as human beings come to a fountain of youth.

Of course, you also have to eat right, get enough rest, drink in moderation, and do all the other things necessary to keep the ball rolling without killing yourself in the process.

No wonder so many people are obese.

“Dad Bod” is the Key to Invisibility [Irony, Notwithstanding]

A “normal” overweight 59 year old male. 205 lbs and 5.11″ BMI is 28.6 or just under Obese at 30.

Scott Olson, winner of the Masters 60+ division of the 2014 CrossFit Games!!!

This is me, a fit 59 year old male. 6’1″ and 230 lbs. 14% body fat – and drug free!

No Testosterone supplementation.

No HGH.

No Anabolic Steroids.

Just hard work and discipline.

I’ll explain why men in my demographic would rather put a bullet in their heads than look like the first guy.

~~~

OVERVIEW

There are certain areas of the country where looking “normal” is considered normal.

While traveling during my years as a professional photographer, I noticed fat farms mostly in small communities, where having a 400–pound wife was considered a “bigger bang for the buck,” and husbands with pregnant guts were simply men of “healthy appetites.”

Needless to say, this mindset insured that everyone stayed out of shape…and home where they belonged.

SIDE NOTE

There are smaller cities like New Orleans where a daily diet of fried foods and vodka-martini nightcaps are indicators of “healthy lifestyle choices.”

It’s among a few places in America where alcoholism and type 2 diabetes are considered a normal part of the aging process.

In places like Houston and Los Angeles [to name just a couple], being grossly overweight – or overweight at all – is unacceptable.

The only obese people I ever see are suffering a psychiatric disability or some form of head trauma.

Note: Our version of obesity is anorexia, which is considered acceptable in big cities.

Digressions aside, obese people are often heard using the “thyroid” argument to justify [or explain] their conditions, but it’s usually dismissed because everyone already knows from TV that POW’s with thyroid problems are still rail thin.

The only people who get away with obesity are billionaires who spend all their time around hookers who find them irresistible.

ANOTHER RELATED NOTE

It is common to see suburban daughters of obese men lovin’ on their dad bods.

But the innuendo is demeaning, not that anyone openly acknowledges it because the fading dad feels loved – while the daughter, worshiped.

It’s a simple equation.

Everything in its right place in time.

I’m young + you’re old = my girlfriends are off limits.

CONCLUSION

When you enter your 50’s, the first thing you start hearing about is how you need to slow down, moderate your physical activity.

After all, you don’t want to risk “injuring your back.”

Of course, it’s the other way around, as anyone who works out hard eventually learns.

Then we’re hammered with TV ads stereotyping us as feeble and resigned.

I can’t count the number of actors in pharmaceutical ads who play Pillsbury Dough Boys on golf courses in the company of matronly “wives” who look like they could play stand-in for their mothers.

This is NOT reality as I know it, and it shouldn’t be for you.

Don’t accept the defeatist mantra that sucks you into the BIG PHARMA bandwagon before your time.

Fire physicians who tell you to slow down when you have no reason to do so other than fear.

Burn your golf shirts and pleated khakis and get under some weights.

Old age is decades away. Your time isn’t up.

If anything, it’s a new beginning. A new chapter. New rules of engagement.

Your life doesn’t end just because the calendar says your time came and went.

If that’s the case, you’ve got a lot of time ahead of you to be miserable.

If that’s what you want, go for it.

Remember: It’s a choice, not a physical reality.

The sooner you wake up with this mantra in your head, the sooner you’ll be doing wall-balls and push-ups at 78.

I know quite a few men like this who could kick your sorry asses to the curb.

ACCEPT NOTHING UNTIL YOU’RE DEAD, then you can come to terms with certain limitations.

Now that the Gay Marriage Hurdle Has Cleared, It’s Time We Accept May-December Relationships.

Ronnie Wood, 67, Sally Humphreys, 36

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2909179/Would-age-gap-romance-Stephen-Fry-marries-man-30-years-junior-FEMAIL-examines-pros-cons-Hollywood-s-inter-generational-relationships.html

I’ve been in a May-December relationship for the past 4 1/2 years.

Like other relationships over the course of my lifetime, it has its ups and downs.

The fact that my girlfriend is, let’s just say, decades younger does not mean that I’m hoarding a slave, manipulating and controlling a psychiatric outpatient, or buying pills for a dependent drug addict.

It may be the other way around, but I digress.

I’m in a relationship with someone much younger than myself because someone I happened to find attractive felt the same way.

There are so many misconceptions to blatant prejudice based upon ignorance and/or projection tied to insecurity, mostly on the part of older women who consider this sort of thing a sacrilege, and therefore, grounds for open season.

But as you’ll see, I’ve also dated “age-appropriate.”

When I was 18 years old, my girlfriend was 17, and yet we still broke up after a couple of months!

When I was 28, my girlfriend was 19. We lasted a year and a half.

By the time I reached 45, my 30-year-old girlfriend and I lasted two and a half years!

As you can see, there was clearly a correlation between age disparity and perpetuity.

As the article points out, guys like me never feel our age, so maybe we all come to a place of acceptance where we learn to embrace who we really are, and allow ourselves to be hunted down like dogs and held hostage by beautiful young women.

You can think of it as a disability if it makes you feel better.

Do I feel exploited? Yes.

Have my urges obliterated all semblance of reason? Yes.

Am I complaining? No.

I’ve learned that how I feel inside my skin eventually manifests externally.

Thus, I’m still in my 20’s along with my girlfriend.

Finally, I learned the true meaning of acceptance, and so should you.

December 2024
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