How Not to Keep a Good Man Down.

What I’m about to tell you cuts a deep swath between what you were and what many of you are becoming.

Most men don’t have the balls to say [out loud] any of what I’m about to tell you, but saying it is the only way to help catalyze change in what’s often a foot-dragging passage into twilight.

Buckle up.

~~~

Over these past decades I’ve learned a few things about being a man that weigh on all of us after enough water’s under the bridge.

The first is the personal assessment quiz, where we sum up all of our perceived accomplishments and hope that our backstories are sellable on the open market.

I say ‘open market’ because unless you live in a vacuum, you have an audience that determines your viability. I know. This sounds like every psychiatrist’s worst nightmare, but it’s still true.

We live in a society filled with people, not open land filled with livestock.

Remember, this is a blog about urban life, not rural isolationism.

In this world, our world, we need to matter. Some call it relevance. And while many claim this to be an exercise in pure nihilism and self-destruction, it’s critical to our emotional well being that we see our lives as having been well spent.

The resulting self-esteem becomes our fuel, our motivation to go on long after the glory years of imagined immortality and endless promise have passed.

But let me reiterate that we must pass muster with the world around us before we get the fuel. We can’t just fantasize it into being.

The world around us is a cold, objective force. It sees us as fully formed entities, each with a script in our hands that we read to ourselves before closing our eyes at night, hoping our dreams don’t contradict the plot lines.

Appreciating the gravity of this is an essential part of maintaining dignity no matter how much you try to ignore or deny it.

Okay, so let’s say we’re happy with what we’ve done with our lives up to this juncture. We have financial security and we’re proud of what we’ve done.

Great.

Now what?

Now we have to figure out how to maintain what we’ve built so it doesn’t all come crashing down on top of us.

I’m talking about our physical health, and more specifically, our physical being; how we see ourselves relative to those around us, no matter what their age.

Like everything else in my life, I need to feel in possession of myself physically, to be physically strong, in control, and able to defend myself.

I’m sure that more than a few of you reading this will wonder why men our age [Baby Boomers] should give a crap about what sounds like an older man’s delusions of grandeur, but I don’t know any of you.

The men I do know care. A lot. They don’t want to be walked all over like party confetti. They live with purpose and dignity.

And while a few engage in endurance sports, especially anorexics, who swap one addiction for another, the answer lies in the weight room. Yes, being a man means lifting heavy weight. I know I know. I’m a superficial jackass who has no idea what brings true fulfillment to anyone but myself, but you’re still dead wrong.

Many of the men I’m around are luminaries in their respective fields, ranging in age from late 40’s to early 80’s. But one thing they share is a desire to build and/or maintain physical strength. In other words, no matter what they’ve done, if they’re wasting away it’s irrelevant. Soon, self esteem will erode away all that they’ve built, and they’ll end up dead long before you read about them in the obituaries.

This brings to mind a guy in my gym in his early 80’s who is not only a celebrated surgeon, but a world champion masters power lifter.

You think he feels irrelevant?

The respect he receives from people around him is palpable.

My motto: Be strong, live well.

Our personal lives are the final cog in our wheels of fortune. While I cannot pretend to speak for gay men and their relationships, I do know a thing or two about living with women, which is kind of like living with an extraterrestrial biological life form, identical human DNA, notwithstanding.

Like #1 and #2, how we feel in the context of our relationships is inextricably tied to how we feel as men.

The first thing we men know about ourselves is that our egos are fragile, particularly when we feel vulnerable. Thus, we need our masculinity validated daily. We need to feel loved; we need to feel attractive; and we need to feel capable.

That’s a lot of need, but miss an ounce of it at your peril.

Memorize this list so you don’t lose it:

A] Admire Us.

Compliment us on the things we’re good at and our physical qualities. Beat on us and we’ll stop making the house payments.

B] Brag on Us

The first time I heard a woman complaining about her husband’s “many” shortfalls, I suggested he leave her. In my mind, she breached the trust and left him out to dry.

C] Ask For Our Help

Ask us to show you how to do something or to give you advice on a tough situation. We’ll be more than happy to show you, believe me.

D] Never, Ever Cut Us Down No Matter What.

Make you man feel like an idiot and he will show you the door. Men have massive egos. Why this is I don’t know, but suspect it has something to do with having to kill things so the rest of his primordial family didn’t starve to death.

Never, ever discredit us or make snide comments about our appearance, abilities or performances, particularly around others.

E] Learn How to Listen.

Men may not be as talkative as women are, but we still have things to say and emotions to vent or bad days we want to discuss. While we’re more about fixing things than just talking for the sake of being heard, sometimes we like being heard so we can justify fixing things.

F] Respect Us.

Respect builds the foundation of our relationships. Without it, we will look for it elsewhere, believe me. Incessant nagging comes to mind. It’s like rat poison for human relationships.

G] Believe In Us

We want the women in our lives to be our biggest cheerleaders. We’ll do anything for someone who believes in us. Even if what we try to do doesn’t succeed by someone else’s standards, the fact that we gave it our best shot deserves praise and love.

H] Do Little Things For Us

Whether you leave a love note somewhere we’ll find it, stuff an Oreo under our pillow…or just wear something that we can’t seem to live without, JUST DO IT!

FINAL THOUGHTS

As men get older it’s even more important to affirm us. First, because we are no longer 25. Second, because no matter what we act like, we’re no longer in college and running track for NYU.

Of course, back then we were flat broke, our trust factor was zero, and and our apartments resembled the wolf dens you see at natural science museums across the country.

As women who’ve spent your fair share of time with men, you already know all these things.

This is just a reminder.

How to Combat Aging: Real World Strategies

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/susan-krauss-whitbourne/combat-ageism_b_9720708.html

Coming from someone who has handled the aging process about as well as a chicken about to be thrown into a jet turbine to test its ability to vaporize it without stalling, you will disintegrate to one degree or another no matter how much you spend, how much you do, or how much genetics are in your camp.

Live the perfect stress-free life, visit Aspen every 5 minutes, get daily massages, mud packs, holistic body treatments, facial fillers, Botox injections, face lifts, collagen, but no matter what you do, you can’t beat the shit out of time.

The best you can do is look better than your neighbors, which is something you can always count on at HOA meetings no matter how depressed you are about everything else.

Aside from the aforementioned obvious, there is a deeply psychological consequence of aging in we men that involves our primal role as protectors.

In short [because I know you don’t want to read a psych lecture], when men begin to feel physically challenged, their self-esteem hits the floor. And even when we are in exemplary condition for our age, we are always and forever looking back at where we once were. It’s inevitable. We all do it. And we all feel like crap about it no matter how much we are still able to do.

But there are a few things we can do to put an end to the misery, or, at least, hold it in abeyance while we get back into therapy.

Here they are:

1] Try to feel optimistic about aging.

Yea, right. There is nothing to look forward to about aging. Nothing. You’re just here. The best you can do is make the most of what’s left. So no, I’m not a fan of being older.

Is there any good news?

There is some:

a] You get into fewer fistfights because younger men don’t consider you an equal match anymore than they do women.

b] You have more money, so you can buy women who would not otherwise date you.

c] People hold the door for you unlike the old days when they let it slam you in the face.

d] There are planned communities filled with people your age, and with beach views.

e] You get prescription drug discounts.

f] People tell you how great you look when it’s not true.

g] Young people look at you like you’re completely insane when you talk to them, but they still allow you to do it because they’re no longer afraid of you.

h] The first person police question are the young adults.

i] Nobody expects much of you in the gym, so when you are reasonably competitive you get more kudos than you can count.

j] Forgetting your own phone number is considered normal, and therefore, will not affect you job prospects since you’re not applying.

2] Avoid “senior moment” traps at all cost.

Never discuss your minor health issues to anyone but your physician or personal trainer. No one else your age wants to be reminded of where they are, and younger people dismiss you as irrelevant. It’s their way of squashing what they consider to be an existential threat, mainly because it is.

Instead, allude to what you’ve accomplished in your life and what your next adventure will be.

3] Have your affairs in order, but don’t bring this up in casual conversation under any circumstances, including all of them.

One guy in my gym started talking about his living will and suddenly he had no one to talk to. Still doesn’t.

4] Understand and embrace technology.

Frankly, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t understand technology other than people in their 80’s. This is an even greater reason to make sure you are still of this world.

5] Ignore people will call you out on your age.

You’re going to get this at some point or another — the ribbing about where you are versus where you once were. Ignore it. Move on.

Getting upset about it will validate everything they just said.

Their time is coming.

6] There’s a “fountain of youth” clinic on every street corner [you best avoid].

You’re vulnerable, too hopeful for your own good. And for every soft target there are predators waiting to pounce on your insecurities.

My advice is to find a great Internist, stay in the best shape of your life, and keep your expectations in check.

If you check too many boxes you’ll start experiencing life through the eyes of a once great athlete who thinks he has another season in him, even if no one else thinks so, including his coaches and physicians.

~~~

when i allow it to be
there’s no control over me
i have my fears
but they do not have me

Peter Gabriel, Darkness

The Often Overlooked Differences Between Youth and Middle Age

Any one of these people could have rolled out of bed 10 minutes ago.

If any of these people rolled out of bed 10 minutes ago instead of several hours ago after hair and make-up for this photo shoot, they’d frighten children.

~~~

Last night we went attending the opening of a new art gallery in Houston.

No big deal, right?

Hardly.

But before I get into this, allow me to offer some perspective.

When I was 25, going out was a straight line between the thought and the front door: I put on some clothes and walked out knowing I looked presentable no matter what I looked like.

If I hadn’t combed my hair, it probably looked better than it would if I spent an hour in front of the mirror with sprays and gels.

My skin was, you know, young, my jawline sharp. Rarely did I see bloodshot eyes no matter what I did to myself the night before.

And by the way, there also wasn’t a single, solitary hair anyplace other than where it was from the time I was 14.

In short, I was ripe for breeding.

Then time passed…and I didn’t die.

Some say we linger no matter what we actually do, but to the point: I was no longer able to do what I didn’t have to do back in the day.

No, this is not what you want to hear, I get it. Believe me, I know. But we’re here and this is what we have to deal with if we want to, you know, linger.

Now lingering is also relative, so there’s some hope if you’re willing – and/or able – to read between the lines.

For example, people are not static images on a two-dimensional page, so there’s that.

In reality, there’s money and experience and a whole lot of other stuff that creates a composite that often acts as a carbon credit against physical attrition.

But no matter what an older adult has in their favor, they cannot escape an aging appearance, which requires propping up every step of the way in order to maintain some degree of objective attractiveness.

Some things are simply not subjective no matter how you spin the narrative.

So how does all of this translate?

1] Dentists handle our teeth, which, of course, involves regular cleanings – but also crowns, veneers, whitening, bonding…and root canals to name a few more.

2] Then there’s the hair-where-it-doesn’t-belong thing. We either visit a stylist [usually the case with women], or we do it ourselves, with often catastrophic results.

3] Did I mention diet? Yea, if you want to make it into your 50’s without type-2 diabetes and/or every other imaginable health problem, you have to eat clean, with the exception of one “cheat” meal per week.

4] You have to get plenty of sleep, and I mean 8 hours of sleep each and every night if you plan to remember your mother’s name.

5] You will be forced to conform to a certain set of standards required of adults in nice neighborhoods.

For example:

a] You cannot walk out of your home bare-chested, or in a wife beater, or in your underwear without being branded clinically insane and an imminent danger to neighborhood children.

b] You cannot punch out your neighbor for being noisy on a Sunday morning. Instead you will contact your HOA or local police and let them handle it for you.

c] You will abstain from contentious remarks or unnecessary cursing, lest you be excluded from HOA meetings that will now involve discussion about what to do about you.

6] You will stay in reasonable shape, which your personal trainer will help ensure.

7] If your wife or girlfriend is significantly younger than you, expect not to invited to social functions involving age-appropriate wives.

8] Nobody cares if you’re a member of the LGBT community as long as your home and lawn are well manicured.

9] If you own a vehicle not on the acceptable vehicle list, you will be labelled curious, and usually outright dismissed.

a] Acceptable adult vehicles include, Range Rover, Lexus, Porsche, Chevrolet Yukons and Suburbans, Mini, Audi, BMW, Jaguar, Maserati, Ferrari and classic muscle cars in pristine condition. I may have missed one or two, but you get my point. Lamborghini is considered white trash no matter how much money you have.

b] Vehicles on the kill list included any late model muscle car and Econoline vans.

10] Finally [for the moment] you must know the law. If not, you can and will be sued for anything and everything imaginable, including everything.

a] Understand that many affluent people are bored out of their minds, particularly if they’re in bad physical shape, hate their wives, or suffer clinical depression stemming from fading relevance, leaving them staring down the barrel of destiny. Thus, always be considerate of others, understand that you live in a neighborhood of which you are a member [not a king], and abide by the statutes set forth by your home owner’s association. While your kids can do pretty much anything they want, leveraging youth against bad behavior, the buck will always stop with you.

Yes, I know, getting older can be a friggin’ nightmare, but it’s not without its perks.

I’ll elaborate in my next installment.

The “Gala”

There was a time not long ago when I loved being the center of attention.

“Flatter flatter flatter!”

I was struggling through an endless series of speed bumps to nowhere that I medicated into oblivion through fleeting relationships and, still people clapped.

Of course, I was young and handsome and well spoken, and therefore, “in demand” as such things go.

These assets alone eclipsed whatever was absent everywhere else, as evidenced in the hostess-CEO paradigm.

So like others of my kind, I let the endorphin rushes fuel fantasies of where my new encounters might lead…night after night after night.

But as time passed and my career grew, I found that I needed more tangible affirmation in order to maintain self-esteem.

I was getting older and youth was no longer the hook. So what was?

It had to come from within, but how? as the need for external affirmation felt like an addiction to painkillers?

Where was that now lost screw that kept the joints rattling?

I was becoming unhinged.

Then, in my mid 50’s, I started coming out of it.

I was one of the lucky ones, as others around me lost everything to time, desperate moves and bad luck.

As cliché as it sounds, I began to find meaning in sharing my life with someone else, and everything else started to fade.

I started to find that going back to the social till bled a little more of me, leaving me empty and unfulfilled.

While I still appreciated public acknowledgement of my work, I saw it all very differently, as simple self-expression, a way of working through issues in my life, rather than a veiled quest for self-aggrandizement.

I know that for the most part, praise is just posturing, something people feel compelled to express in a particular social context.

But what really mattered to them was money and power.

Even when they are genuinely impressed with an artist’s work, their feelings are ephemeral, fleeting and largely meaningless.

They will move on to the next cocktail function, cherry-pick another item of interest, and on it will go, forever.

In the end, no one really cares unless they receive something of equal measure.

For most it’s the public acknowledgement that they are of powerful social standing, transcendent of art.

In their minds, they are the bedrock, the unassailable…oligarchs of an otherwise trivial world.

Of course, challenges do arise [to my great amusement], particularly when such people are in the company of the equally rich and very famous.

I love all the fraying at the edges of vanity as they maneuver themselves back into the ring.

We all find our niches in the world, places that affirm us, reflect our standings and values, that don’t obliterate our self-esteem.

I live in a neighborhood of my peers, and spend time socializing with people who, for the most part, share my values, beliefs and social standing.

I no longer need or want anything from anyone else.

I’m not here to take, but to share.

I have already paid my dues many times over and no longer walk into a situation with my hands out.

If people like what they see, if it has some meaning for them, great.

Either way, I am no longer willing to sell myself for anyone’s approval.

Socialites do what they do for personal gain.

Whether it’s Look at me, how wealthy I am, how extravagant my clothing, how elite my connections…or…How the hell do I get into this club so I can move out of my apartment, it’s a game I’m no longer willing to play.

For those of you who wish to gain access to the right parties, hosted by the right people with an eye on their bank accounts, you know where to go and what to do.

Bullet Points of Interest:

1] People tend to do what they do for personal gain, even when they are the ones “giving.”

2] Nothing is ever free, even when people are throwing something at you.

3] Life is about checks and balances, usually literally.

4] People you like are usually those you’ve vetted over time, not people you meet at cocktail functions.

5] Fund raisers are usually a subtle dance around who’s got the biggest “dick,” both men and women.

6] Hanger’s on are like sous-chefs waiting for the big dog to fall into a vat of boiling grease.

7] Art is worth nothing to most people unless Christie’s auctions it.

8] Opportunism is gaining access to something you can’t find within yourself.

9] Everyone uses everyone for everything on some level, even if it’s a good laugh. So it’s all about levels.

10] While socialites serve a useful purpose in society, nobody cares who they are if they’re not raining money.

Venting is cathartic. It’s why I write and shoot pictures.

Drugging America – One Advert At a Time

“Pharmaceutical companies have seized on the decline in testosterone levels as pathological and applicable to every man. They aim to convince men that common effects of aging like slowing down a bit and feeling less sexual actually constitute a new disease, and that they need a prescription to cure it. This is a seductive message for many men, who just want to feel better than they do, and want to give it a shot, literally.” From op-ed contributor [New York Times] John La Puma.

As I have written about exhaustively, “Low-T” as it is referred is has become a meme for institutionalized drug dealing in America.

~~~

This year alone, the FDA has issued a number of warnings to physicians and male patients regarding the use of testosterone drugs, which they say may increase the risk of heart attack and stroke. They’re currently urging doctors and drug makers to warn patients about the potential life-threatening risks they pose. The FDA also wants doctors to prescribe testosterone only to men who are suffering from low testosterone caused by a medical condition confirmed by laboratory tests.

But these days are are no tests, just questions:

PHYSICIAN:

How can I help you?

PATIENT:

I’m feeling a little sluggish and my sex drive isn’t what it used to be.

PHYSICIAN:

Let’s start you off with 1 cc of testosterone a week and shoot me an email to let me know how you’re feeling.

PATIENT:

Thanks, Doc. It’s nice to finally meet someone who gets it.

~~~

With billions in profits on the line, the objective is to bring testosterone supplementation mainstream, like taking a daily multi-vitamin, or prescribing Adderall to people who can’t read the encyclopedia Britannica backwards without falling asleep.

For those who may be squeamish about needles, the industry has introduced a plethora of innovative drug delivery systems:

1. Transdermal Skin Patch: Androderm is a skin patch worn on the arm or upper body, applied once a day. This may cause severe itching and fluid-filled blisters.

2. Gels: AndroGel and Testim are most commonly used and come in individual packets of clear testosterone gel. It’s applied once a day and absorbed directly through the skin. AndroGel, Axiron and Fortesta also come in a pump that delivers the prescribed amount of testosterone. Natesto is a gel applied through the nose. These gels may leave skin red, irritated or itchy.

3. Testosterone Stick: Similar to an underarm deodorant, it’s applied directly to the skin.

4. Mouth Patch: Striant is a tablet that is applied to the upper gum twice per day. It continuously releases testosterone into the blood through the oral tissues. Men may experience an unpleasant or bitter taste in the mouth, difficulty tasting food, stinging or swelling of the lips, and gum pain, tenderness, swelling, and irritation in the mouth.

5. Injections and implants: Testosterone can also be injected directly into the muscles or implanted as pellets in the soft tissues. The body will slowly absorbed the testosterone into the blood stream. Side effects include inflammation and pain.

6. Testosterone pills: Two of the more common formulas are called methyltestosterone and testosterone undecanoate. Some evidence has shown that oral testosterone may cause damage to the liver.

You can’t beat that.

Of course, all testosterone therapy options have annoying side effects, including:

• Increased risk of heart attack and stroke
• Stimulation of prostate tissue
• Serious blood clots
• Hair loss
• Acne or oily skin
• Mild fluid retention
• Breast enlargement
• Increased risk of blood clots
• Worsening of sleep apnea
• Shrunken testicles
• Increased aggression and mood swings
• Decrease in sperm count

Then there’s the link between Testosterone and Prostate Cancer, but who’s counting?

~~~

The truth is testosterone injections should never be the first line of defense when it comes to treating low T.

What many men don’t realize is that testosterone is a lifelong therapy. Once you’re on these therapies, a physician monitors your levels every 6 months or even more frequently. It’s critical to explore all your options and look to natural methods, as opposed to jumping into replacement therapy.

But I’m wasting my breath here because I’m not a physician, and therefore, have no idea what the hell I’m talking about.

All I do know is that if you have an actual condition that could benefit from testosterone supplementation, by all means go for it.

But the point of this and other articles is that everyone is now taking testosterone to be bigger, badder, better than they were before. They do it for the edge it gives them over mortals. The allure is hard to dismiss.

They also have a battery excuses at their disposal to justify the drugs.

Here’s the biggest:

Testosterone decreases by 1 percent each year after.

Then there’s…

• Increase in belly fat
• Weight gain
• Low to no sex drive (we certainly can’t have that)
• Fatigue
• Risk of depression
• Irritability
• Mood Swings
• Low energy
• Bone density
• Increased risk of diabetes

Who wants any of those when a simple prescription can alleviate all of them?

Personally, I follow another regimen:

1. Limit alcohol intake: Even drinking moderate amounts of alcohol can cause testosterone levels to plummet.

2. Reduce stress: be mindful of factors in your life that create stress. Mental or physical stress can quickly depress your levels. The stress hormone cortisol suppresses the body’s ability to make testosterone.

3. Cardio: High-intensity exercise can cut stress in half but don’t overdo it. Injuries and fatigue are sure signs that your workout may lower testosterone.

4. Zinc: The mineral zinc is important for testosterone production. Look to protein-rich foods like meats and fish. If you decide to supplement zinc, stick to a dosage of less than 40mg per day.

5. Vitamin D: This is a big secret when it comes to healthy testosterone levels. Foods like shellfish, tuna, salmon, egg yolks, beans and others work great. You can also look into taking vitamin D supplements, 1,000-2,000 IU per day (that’s what I personally do) and monitor your levels after that. Vitamin D levels should be between 30-60.

6. Limit Sugar: When in doubt, say no to sugar. Testosterone levels decrease because sugar leads to a high insulin level.

7. Healthy fats: Foods like olive oil, raw nuts, coconut oil, grass-fed meats and avocados are essential for building testosterone — 50-70 percent of your diet should include healthy fats.

Having said this, i can personally attest to the fact that testosterone coupled with a whole new array of drug cocktails absolutely, positively provide a bigger, badder edge.

I could lift more weight, sleep less, have more energy, lose belly fat [like, all of it], get lean while building muscle…and on and on…

There’s a reason professional athletes look the way they do no matter how much they travel, how little they sleep and how hard they play.

But most people aren’t professional athletes, which is lost on everyone but professional athletes.

SUMMARY REMARKS

I’m sure that most people think the world I talk about is fiction, that I either have a vivid imagination, or I’m completely insane.

This simply cannot be in the real world.

Boys grow up to be men who get married have children and then retire and die long before they’re technically dead.

This is considered normal.

But in my world there is no such thing as growing up when you can afford not to.

The point is to age well.

Death itself s irrelevant because you don’t have to put up with the indignity of falling apart.

When you acculturated to think this way, drugs are a no-brainer.

Hey Big Spender: Affluent Boomers Rock Urbania

Though Baby Boomers are certainly the richest generation in U.S. history, few members of its cohort qualify as truly “elite,” according to a recent study.

Boomer Elites, according to Focalyst, a market research and consulting firm, are a select subgroup of Baby Boomers (born between 1946 and 1964) who are characterized by a household pretax annual income of $150,000 or $100,000 if retired.

Only 1 in 10 Baby Boomers can be classified as Elites.

Most Boomer Elites are married, 92% college educated [73% of non-Elite Boomers have college degrees], and live in homes valued at nearly twice that of the average Boomer. Boomer Elite’s home is $519,000, in contrast with the typical Boomer’s home valued at $282,000.

Okay, so now we know that 1 in 10 Boomer Elites can afford homes in the 500k range.

Is this supposed to impress anyone?

I’m being facetious, of course, but the honest to God truth is that most Boomers I know live in homes 4x that price – and much, much more –and there are lots of them.

For the most part, they are out of touch with reality for those even in the bottom end of the 1% equation.

But as fractionally small a this demographic may be, it’s positively massive to those who reside here.

And people wonder why politicians refer to people as numbers.

Sharp Increase in Older Men Going Under the Knife

While there has only been a two percent overall increase in plastic surgeries from 2009 to 2010, the number of male cosmetic procedures have increased dramatically, say statistics from the American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS).

The number of liposuction procedures performed on men rose seven percent, and the number of male facelifts doubled, by 14 percent.

Why such a relatively high increase in male procedures?

1[ Economic woes [i.e., keeping their jobs]

2] Media bombardment [i.e., if you can afford to look your best, why not?]

People often consider cosmetic procedures to be just for women, says northern CA-based men’s mental health expert Will Courtenay, PhD, LCSW, and author of Dying to Be Men.

Just as sex roles between men and women are changing—more fathers are active parents than they used to be, he maintains—so is interest in cosmetic surgery. “The fact is, manhood in America is changing rapidly,” Courtenay tells demo dirt. “And at least one in four men says he’d consider cosmetic surgery. And another one in five says he might. And for men, it’s often about staying in the race.”

Washington, DC-based facial plastic surgeon Houtan Chaboki, MD says that he has noticed an increase in men getting procedures, even though they still comprise less than ten percent of cosmetic patients.

Most common, he notes, is rhinoplasty, which people get for various reasons.

However, the fastest growing market is face lift surgery, Chaboki says.

“More men seeking plastic surgery want to appear younger and compete in the workplace,” he says.

“Some working men who actually feel full of energy have the perception that others at work may see them as older, [and] less adaptable to change in a fast-moving economy.”

Dermatologist Debra Jaliman, MD started doing Botox in 1991 and says that more and more men have been requesting the treatment, among other things.

“I find that now many years later more men are doing Botox and fillers and lasers and freezing their fat, “she says.

Jaliman agrees that the main reason is the economy. “We are in a competitive business environment and it’s also become more acceptable,” she adds.

The problems emerge when cosmetic surgery can’t remedy deeper-rooted self-esteem issues.

“Cosmetic surgery can be a misguided attempt to feel better,” Courtenay maintains. “Research shows that men who are dissatisfied with their physical appearance are more likely to suffer from poor self-esteem and depression. So, for these men, cosmetic surgery may make them look better, but they won’t feel better.”

The best surgery candidate, Courtenay says, is a man who is generally secure already.

SUMMARY

Whether it’s to gain that competitive edge, or just bolster an already healthy self-esteem, nips and tucks appear are the way forward for most urban men I know.

Get used to it. I have.

Nothing is as it seems anywhere, anymore.

Baby Boomer Suicide Rate Rising [as funds for concubines dries up]

http://www.healthline.com/health-news/baby-boomer-suicide-rate-rising-031515

The recent Great Recession was hard on almost everyone, but especially baby boomers [generation born between 1946-1964] who had decades of savings to invest.

Side note: Money is supposed to fill in all the existential angst after life exacts its pound of flesh and leaves us with less physical relevance.

Thus, it’s no surprise that a rising number of middle-aged people of that generation resorted to suicide as the weight of economic problems overwhelmed them.

Since that time baby boomers have had the highest rate of suicide of any age group in the United States, which is interesting given the fact that people between the ages of 40 and 64 have historically had one of the lowest rates.

Add to this conundrum the fact that baby boomers are now sliding head long into the over-65 demographic, which is ground zero for historically high suicide rates.

Put another way, if you don’t have money at this writing, you’re pretty much screwed.

According to the article, since the beginning of the Great Recession, 8.8 million jobs were lost, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Middle-aged people were disproportionately affected in terms of lost property value, household finances, and lost retirement savings.

Twenty-seven percent of those aged 50 to 64 experienced reduction in salaries, higher than any other age group.

On a related note, of those baby boomers who committed suicide from 2005 to 2010, 81 percent had prior mental health or substance abuse problems.

Although suicides for baby boomers could level out as the economy improves, experts say the fact this generation is entering older age is worrisome.

So now even if you have money, you’re too old to really enjoy it.

The key is not to let things get to a point of escalation. When people are suicidal, they’re rigid and not thinking clearly.

Dr. Jill Harkavy-Friedman, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention says, “The key is not to let things get to a point of escalation. When people are suicidal, they’re rigid and not thinking clearly.”

But she is wrong. They are thinking very clearly, which is the problem.

How do you talk an 80-year-old man without money out of hanging himself?

It doesn’t make sense. The man is thinking quite rationally, in my view. What’s the point of going on if you’re broke, and, for all intents and purposes, broken physically?

Is there any hope?

Not really.

From personal experience, I can give you 10 things older men [those over 65] can do to dramatically improve their mental health –– but we’re talking about older men who don’t have to worry about their next meal.

For such men, hope is everywhere because they can afford it.

More specifically, here are 10 ways to insure that it sticks around a long time:

1] Hit the gym on a daily basis, interact with people, and reduce stress. Exercise releases endorphins, which create feelings of happiness and euphoria without heroin. It also boosts self-esteem by providing a sense of physical relevance and self-possession that other older men lose along the way.

2] Check your testosterone levels. At this stage of the game “normal” levels probably aren’t enough. So boost them. Even if it leads to premature death, what the hell difference does it make is all you’re doing is dying in slow motion?

3] Be sexually active. If you’re bored with your wife, figure out how not to be bored with her. If she’s not interested, hire a surrogate wife. Many women I know provide “girlfriend experiences” with a full rate schedule they keep on Ipads. Many keep them in their gym bags. And for God’s sake, get a scrip for ED medication if you think you need it. Most 25-year-olds are using it, so why not you?

4] Don’t shy away from cosmetic improvements. If your teeth look like crap, fix them. If your jaws are hanging like liver from the sides of your face…facelift! Then there are fillers, micro-dermabrasion…I could go on. Just do it.

5] If you drive a Buick la Sabre, I can’t help you.

6] Do something you’ve always wanted to do, but for whatever reason haven’t. Nobody’s going to care if you decide to go back-packing in Yosemite after spending 40 years behind a desk.

7] When was the last time you went clothes shopping? Seriously. Most older men look old because they dress like people who should already be dead. Thus, I suggest you let your “girlfriend” decide what to buy. Pink pleated pants and golfing shirts are now customary attire for the dead at wakes, fyi.

8] Spend time around younger people whenever possible. It has been demonstrated time and time again that people become conditioned to their surroundings, which should not include graveyards and hospitals.

9] Stop talking about your aches and pains, and for God’s sake avoid the obituaries. Nobody wants to hear about your aging joints because only old people have aching joints no matter how ridiculous this sounds. And talking about the death of anyone but, for example, an otherwise youthful and healthy downhill skier is a buzzkill.

10] If you take yourself way too seriously and can’t remember the last time you laughed, you’re like the guy with the Buick.

I’ll give you 10 more in upcoming blogs…

The 60’s All Over Again

Flash-back to a time in history where members of the counterculture movement expressed their beliefs about property ownership by destroying others ’ property, building fences around said property, and living in communes with shared possessions.

Yea, that went well.

Today the same dynamic exists.

The human food chain marches on, fueled by those who proclaim solidarity with “duh people” only to steal it by using them as leverage and then consolidating personal power at their expense.

People fall for this crap all the time, which begs the question, why have they not been bred out of the human gene pool?

Back in the the day, the ones who survived all the street riots and general unrest went on to make fortunes, built mansions with walls and security cameras, and kick everyone out but hired help and mistresses.

So basically, nothing’s changed.

“Lyin’ Eyes” Reinterpreted

Don Henley was 28 when he and 27-year-old Glenn Frey wrote Lyin’Eyes.

The year was 1975.

The story goes that they were in their favorite LA restaurant/bar Dan Tana’s where they watched beautiful young women hitting on rich, older married men and decided to write about it.

From the vantage point of men in their 20’s, I can certainly understand their passionate disdain, as they felt entitled to the attention by virtue of youth alone.

Nonetheless, fast-forward to today’s urban world and I will comment on each verse from the perspective of an older man:

Henley/Frey

City girls just seem to find out early
How to open doors with just a smile
A rich old man
And she won’t have to worry
She’ll dress up all in lace and go in style

Comments:

City girls know exactly what they doing, which is why many of them are among the 1% without so much as a G.E.D., or discernible profession.

Late at night a big old house gets lonely
I guess every form of refuge has its price
And it breaks her heart to think her love is only
Given to a man with hands as cold as ice

Comments:

I have yet to meet a gold-digger who was unhappy in a 10 million dollar home. Not one. Furthermore, most don’t care what’s in a John’s heart, or even that he has one, as long as she gets to travel. Put another way, it’s a symbiotic relationship.

So she tells him she must go out for the evening
To comfort an old friend who’s feelin’ down
But he knows where she’s goin’ as she’s leavin’
She is headed for the cheatin’ side of town

Comments:

Most gold-diggers cheat. So what? As long as the John doesn’t find out what difference does it make? She’s still faithful to the arrangement.

You can’t hide your lyin’ eyes
And your smile is a thin disguise
I thought by now you’d realize
There ain’t no way to hide your lyin eyes

Comments:

Most men I know set specific parameters like anyone running a successful enterprise. Applicants sign employment contracts and live within the parameters.

On the other side of town a boy is waiting
With fiery eyes and dreams no one could steal
She drives on through the night anticipating
‘Cause he makes her feel the way she used to feel

Comments:

There will always be a boy somewhere waiting for pretty much anyone, anytime. It’s obviously not enough, so she parses.

She rushes to his arms; they fall together
She whispers that it’s only for awhile
She swears that soon she’ll be comin’ back forever
She pulls away and leaves him with a smile

Comments:

Unless he figures out how to make a bundle, he’ll only be a fleeting screw. Of course, most young guys who make a fortune when they’re young tend to go through women like water, so now who’s crying?

She gets up and pours herself a strong one,
And stares out at the stars up in the sky.
Another night, it’s gonna be a long one.
She draws the shade and hangs her head to cry.

Comments:

This is the funniest thing I have ever read. Her head is sitting in a $20,000 french armchair with a glass of champagne. Nice try, though.

She wonders how it ever got this crazy.
She thinks about a boy she knew in school.
Did she get tired or did she just get lazy?
She’s so far gone she feels just like a fool.

Comments:

Lazy? Are you insane? Women like this work their butt’s off to live like this. What? You think money just falls from trees?

My oh my, you sure know how to arrange things.
You set it up so well, so carefully.
Ain’t it funny how your new life didn’t change things?
You’re still the same old girl you used to be.

Comments:

Most insightful verse in the song. I’ve never known a gold-digger to change his or her stripes.

As young men, even they could see that people are what they do.

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