How You “KNOW” You’re Middle-Age: A Primer in Dispelling Stereotypes

The article below cites 40 bullet points that claim to determines “middle-age” status:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/28/middle-age_n_3830194.html

Oh Dear God. Here we go…

According the article, the top 40 signs of middle age [55-plus] are as follows.

Notes:

Between each entry are my comments based on personal experience as a middle-age man living in a large metropolitan area.

You may find many of my comments surprising. Or not.

Here’s their list:

1) Losing touch with everyday technology such as tablets and TVs

Comments: This does not apply to me, but it does for others…many others. But most of them are in their 80’s and couldn’t care less.

2) Finding you have no idea what ‘young people’ are talking about

Comments: Again, this doesn’t apply to me because I’m around people of all generations. Disconnecting is a big problem, particularly for older men.

3) Feeling stiff

Comments: I don’t know what “feeling stiff” means in this context, but I have to assume it’s inflexibility, which is not a problem when you stretch, foam roll, and circuit train.

4) Needing an afternoon nap

Comments: On the days I don’t workout I don’t nap. On the days I do, I’m down for the count.

5) Groaning when you bend down

Comments: After dead-lifting hundreds of pounds, the attendant soreness makes me groan just getting out of bed.

6) Not remembering the name of any modern bands

Comments: I didn’t know there were any modern bands. Most of the bands I listen to still tour.

7) Talking a lot about your joints/ailments

Comments: Everyone who works out talks about ailments because we’re looking for work-a rounds, in most cases. As for going on and on about one bullshit ache and pain after the next, I leave it to the guys who threw up their hands at age 50.

8) Hating noisy pubs

Comments: I don’t go to pubs because I’m not much of a drinker. As for restaurants, I don’t like a lot of noise because I can’t hear the conversations, which is why I’m there in the first place.

9) Getting more hairy -– ears, eyebrows, nose, face etc.

Comments: Yes to all of the above, which is why I make sure that stuff doesn’t get out of control. You have to pay attention. Most older men don’t, hence the punchlines.

10) Thinking policemen/teachers/doctors look really young

Comments: I have no idea where this came from because my GP is 10 years older than I am and a triathlete. As for teachers and policemen, it never really crossed my mind.

11) Preferring a night in with a board game than a night on the town

Comments: A night in the pool followed by a glass of wine is more like it. When I was single, I’d take the night on the town in a heartbeat.

12) You don’t know any songs in the top ten

Comments: I don’t know any songs in the top ten by name, but I do recognize a Katy Perry song that makes my skin crawl.

13) Choosing clothes and shoes for comfort rather than style

Comments: I choose shoes with soft soles because they are more comfortable. All of my Prada’s have soft soles.

14) Taking a flask of tea on a day out

Comments: My trainer who’s 35 carries tea around with him, as do a lot of young guys in the gym who want a peak workout. Caffeine is a key ingredient in many sports drinks. I just do the morning coffee and nap when necessary.

15) Obsessive gardening or bird feeding

Comments: I don’t garden, but like trees if that helps.

16) Thinking there is nothing wrong with wearing an anorak

Comments: I didn’t know what an anorak was until I Googled it. But no, I don’t wear one and have no idea why anyone else would, either.

17) Forgetting people’s names

Comments: This has been a problem since high-school, but I’m working on it.

18) Booking on to a cruise

Comments: I hate the idea of being stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean with a bunch of people I don’t know, so no.

19) Misplacing your glasses/bag/car keys etc.

Comments: I’m getting better at this. I started reading this book on mindfulness, which reminded me to try and focus on one thing at a time, rather than 6000.

20) Complaining about the rubbish on television these days

Comments: My name is Jay Rusovich and I am a TV show addict.

21) Gasping for a cup of tea

Comments: I don’t even know what this means.

22) Getting bed socks for Christmas and being very grateful

Comments: I don’t know the meaning of “bed socks.” But I don’t wear socks in bed because I have blankets.

23) Taking a keen interest in The Antiques Road Show

Comments: I’m into mid-century modern and contemporary.

24) When you start complaining about more things

Comments: When I was in high-school I complained about the lack of freedom to come and go as I pleased. Now I complain about long waits for room service. Tie.

25) Listening to the Archers

Comments: I don’t know what – or who – the Archers are, and refuse to Google it/them.

26) You move from radio one to radio two

Comments: I don’t understand this one at all.

27) Joining the National Trust

Comments: The what?

28) Being told off for politically incorrect opinions

Comments: All the time. Always have.

29) Flogging the family car for something sportier

Comments: I’m childless and living with a woman half my age. There is no “family car.”

30) When you can’t lose six pounds in two days anymore

Comments: I lost 5 pounds of water on a two-hour bike ride yesterday.

31) You get shocked by how racy music videos are

Comments: I assume this is a veiled reference to Miley Cyrus performances, which are tepid compared to the shit I’ve seen, and personally experienced.

32) Taking a keen interest in the garden

Comments: Knock if off with the garden shit, already.

33) Buying travel sweets for the car

Comments: We carry stuff most people associate with surviving a global apocalypse. “Sweets” are not on that list.

34) Considering going on a ‘no children’ cruise for a holiday

Comments: Why would any adult want to hang out around a bunch of children?

35) When you know your alcohol limit

Comments: I have always known my alcohol limit. My body tells me the same way it did back in college.

36) Obsessively recycling/ knowing the collection dates

Comments: I just watch what the neighbors do. Most of them are actual adults.

37) Always carrying a handy pack of tissues

Comments: WTF?

38) Falling asleep after one glass of wine

Comments: Most people who workout a lot fall asleep after a glass of water.

39) Spending more money on face creams/anti-aging products

Comments: Guilty as charged. But my girlfriend outspends me tenfold.

40) Preferring a Sunday walk to a lie in

Comments: I’ll take the later, thank you. I need a day off once a week.

~ ~ ~

NEED MORE MIDLIFE BASHING? THE HP IS HERE TO HELP, AGAIN…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/05/22/signs-youre-not-as-young-as-you-used-to-be_n_7293432.html

1. You walk into the kitchen to get something but you forget what it was when you get there.

Comments: I remember walking into my college library as a senior and forgetting what book I was looking for – during finals.

2. Every horizontal surface in your house has a pair of reading glasses on it.

Comments: Both sunglasses and reading glasses, actually.

3. You are regularly asked why you still have a telephone land line.

Comments: The land line is strictly a back-up system. I still don’t know the number. But my 84-year-old mother uses her land line regularly.

4. You carry cash and use it to pay for things.

Comments: If I have a few 5’s in my pocket it’s for valets, not luncheon meat.

5. You still figure out the tip in your head instead of using your phone calculator or an app.

Comments: Since the bill for dinner is usually $150, I tip $30. The day I use an App to calculate 20% to the penny, shoot me.

6. You check the menu online before you eat in a restaurant because you know you won’t be able to see it once you are there.

Comments: I never look at a menu. That’s what waiters are for.

7. You frequently choose restaurants based on their parking situation.

Comments: When you live in a big city, you need valets in order to find a parking space. Why would I walk two blocks to a restaurant?

8. When you park at the mall, you take a photo of where you left your car.

Comments: I have never heard of anyone doing this, but I assume the writer does.

9. You get invited to parties that start later than you like to go to bed.

Comments: We usually go to bed around midnight, so if the party starts at midnight, we opt out.

10. More than once you’ve grabbed the Ben-Gay thinking it was the toothpaste tube.

Comments: I started wearing readers at 39, and since that time, I can’t count the number of things I’ve squirted in the wrong places.

11. Loud music bothers you unless you’re the one playing it.

Comments: I get upset if music isn’t loud enough to hear, since I lost a lot of my hearing listening to loud music.

12. You rushed out and bought the iPhone6 Plus and love it — even if your kids mock you.

Comments: I bought the Iphone 6 because the ‘Plus” is the size of my Ipad.

13. You have different glasses for reading, for driving, for the computer and for going to the movies.

Comments: Just readers. Computers apparently don’t affect long distance vision.

14. You no longer rush to the dermatologist over every new sun spot.

Comments: I do, in fact, rush to the dermatologist every time I see a new sun spot. Some things never change.

15. You think people driving the speed limit are driving too fast.

Comments: I pretty much always think people are driving too slow.

16. You see items from your youth on “Antiques Roadshow” — going for top dollar.

Comments: Yea, I agree with this one.

17. You prefer a coffee maker with just an on/off switch.

Comments: I like having options, which is why I use the timer. But a simple “on-off” is good, too.

18. You understand that the only toppings on a pizza should be cheese and pepperoni.

Comments: The only ingredients I don’t use are cheese and pepperoni.

19. You can’t pronounce quinoa.

Comments: KEENWAH. Happy?

20. Kale will always be just a salad bar decoration to you.

Comments: Kale gets stuck in my teeth, which is why it’s often just decoration.

21. Shaving your legs is something you do only when going to the beach or a pool party.

Comments: No, I shave them all the time. So does my girlfriend.

22. You eyebrows turn white, if you have any eyebrows left.

Comments: Yup, whitish, but full.

23. Buying a new appliance makes you happy.

Comments: Who doesn’t love new appliances?

24. You fall asleep whenever you try to watch TV.

Comments: I have never fallen asleep watching television, but my girlfriend does it all the time, and she’s half my age.

25. You pick movies based on the theaters with fully reclining seats.

Comments: I don’t like sitting in dark rooms filled with complete strangers.

26. You begin to “get” cruises.

Comments: I’ve never been on a cruise and never intend to.

27. You wear your Fitbit to the mall and immediately check how far you’ve just walked.

Comments: My Fitbit is still sitting on my desk after giving me wrist rash.

28. You don’t have operations anymore; you have “procedures.”

Comments: The difference between an operation and a procedure is anesthesia. If I have to go under, I’m having an operation.

29. You wish your doctor took the laxatives that he gives you as pre-colonoscopy prep.

Comments: I don’t care what my doctor takes as long as he’s not tripping during the procedure.

30. The first thing you look for in an obituary is the person’s age and what killed them.

Comments: I don’t read obituaries unless I’m doing research.

31. You remember when you used to think having hemorrhoids was a big deal.

Comments: I’ve never had hemorrhoids.

32. Your idea of a great date night involves take-out food and Netflix.

Comments: I’m on board with this one.

33. When you come upon old photos of yourself, you think “I was so thin then.” All the time.

Comments: I was very thin back then, and lucky not to be locked up.

34. You are a big fan of yellow sticky notes.

Comments: I use pink ones.

35. You cut off the wine early enough to take the sleeping aid.

Comments: When I take a sleep aid, it’s with frozen fruit, a slice of low fat cheese and some pita chips.

36. You wonder when exactly it was that liberal you became a fiscal conservative.

Comments: I’ve always considered myself a fiscal conservative, even when I didn’t have a dime.

37. Public transportation makes you uneasy.

Comments: What’s public transportation?

38. You understand why people pay to upgrade their seat on planes.

Comments: So does Justin Bieber.

39. Running shoes are your go-to footwear — and not for running.

Comments: I would generally agree with this one.

40. You buy drugstore hair coloring by the case when it’s on sale.

Comments: The only thing I get by the case is pet food.

41. You’ve had conversations with friends about the best source of bran.

Comments: I have never had a conversation about bran.

42. You know first-hand that generics aren’t as good as the real deal.

Comments: If the generics work, I buy them. If not, I buy the name brands.

43. You pour egg whites into your coffee thinking it was fat-free creamer.

Comments: Seriously?

44. Your kids are all taller than you.

Comments: None of the animals in this house are taller than me.

45. You do some mental math before adopting a new puppy or kitten.

Comments: No I just grab whatever’s dragging garbage across the street.

46. You say things like, “My next house won’t have so many stairs.”

Comments: I said this 20 years ago and still have a lot of stairs.

47. You can’t remember the last time you fell asleep and stayed asleep all night.

Comments: I usually sleep through the night. If not, I don’t remember waking.

48. You are finally remembering which is Medicare and which is Medicaid.

Comments: I still have to Google it.

49. Hotels no longer ask to actually see your AARP card before they give you a discounted rate.

Comments: Hotels never offer me a discount of any kind. In fact, most of them pad the bill.

50. You swear your feet are growing wider — because they are.

Comments: If my feet are wider it’s because I have more lean muscle mass, which would make anyone’s feet wider. Large animals have big feet, too.

SUMMARY

Folks, I could go on and on with this crap until the sun dies.

People love stereotyping Baby Boomers; putting millions of us into neat little boxes that can be stacked on shelves and labelled.

But what happens when you don’t fit the stereotypes?

You put a smile on your face and middle finger in the air.

How Does a 27-Year-Age-Difference Constitute a News Item???

Help me out here.

What’s the real story in this article?

Is it that Arnold Schwarzenegger has had an “up and down personal life” [like most people], or that he is now dating a woman 27 years his junior?

If the later is the case, I fail to see the significance of the story?

Here’s the article:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3104165/Arnold-Schwarzenegger-67-dines-younger-girlfriend-Heather-40-enjoy-night-Rio.html

Needless to say, the ageism narrative is running at full throttle.

I don’t see Daily Mail – or anyone else for that matter – commenting on, say, inter-racial relationships, or inter-faith relationships, or gay marriages, or even 6th marriages in this way.

But it’s still fair game to go after older men who date, and often marry, significantly younger women.

Why is this?

What is so distasteful – or disingenuous, perhaps – about inter-generational mating?

Look at the world: Spiraling out of control divorce rate, unprecedented college drop out rate among men, women delaying marriage, everyone running for financial shelter.

I dunno, dating up kinda sells itself.

Subconsciously, I think people see this pattern as a clear signal that the end of days is near.

Older men hoard young women who don’t procreate with men their own age, leaving civilization with a childless matriarchy bereft of new tax payers.

It’s all dollars and cents.

Maybe that should be the story.

Middle Aged Men and the Young Women in Their Lives

http://www.salon.com/2015/03/26

Before I delve into this incendiary topic, let me clear something up right away: I’m a card-carrying member of the Baby Boom generation and guilty as charged of dating considerably younger women for the better part of my entire adult life.

I guess you could say this makes me a veteran of sorts, and therefore, the target of hostility from those who assume I exploit and hoard youth.

But here’s a little secret:

It’s the other way around.

See, unless a guy my age is trawling ads on Cragislist, they women in question are trawling for us in places like grocery stores.

We don’t command young women the way we used to. We are either exposed to them over a period of time wherein they do their assessment and decide whether or not to go in, or they target us like snipers and then conquer us through unimaginably guile.

So we’re the victims if truth be told.

All we have is experience, more money – and a lot more appreciation – which appears to be straw that broke the camel’s back where dating young men is concerned.

But I gotta tell ya, it’s not a cakewalk, either. Young women are a lot like older women, just better looking.The downside is the raging hormones that more than balance the scales in many minds, lest you think its a panacea.

Notwithstanding, a lot of successful older guys I know just get tired of being reminded that their time is fraying at the edges, and what better way to obviate this unfortunate existential dilemma than to date women who remind them that tomorrow is not only worth living for…but that life may, in fact, be the dream we suspected back in the 70’s.

Either way, youth and beauty are like all-natural syringes of heroin, just more expensive in most cases.

If you can get past that, most would concede that you’ve reached the top of the mountain, and can now officially die with a smile on your face.

As for Woody Allen and everyone else with an appreciation of beauty – and the means to attract it [whatever that may be] – women are officially adults at the age of 18.

And while I don’t know many men who would have an interest in a relationship with a woman that young, I don’t know a single solitary one of us who would fail to appreciate everything else about them.

Get real. Men are men no matter what you happen to think about our inability to complete a sentence in the face of beauty.

The Rich Fantasy Lives of Urban Middle-Aged Men…and the Cognitive Skills to Survive Them.

Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he’s quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there’s someplace that he’d rather be
He says, “Bill, I believe this is killing me.”
As the smile ran away from his face
“Well I’m sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place…” Piano Man, Billy Joel

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

1] Why am I not a rock star?

2] Why don’t I have my own syndicated radio talk show?

3] Why am I not taking Letterman’s place?

4] Why aren’t the phones ringing off the hook with glamorous acting jobs, TV appearance bookings, 7-figure book deals?

5] Why don’t I own a Gulfstream?

6] Where is my entourage?

7]\ Where am I?

8] Who am I?

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

If any of this sounds familiar, welcome to midlife, a precarious period in a man’s life, usually between the ages of 48 and 64, when everything you did in your life is now done and everything ahead is on thin ice.

While most of these items listed are exaggerations, the psychopathology behind them is everything but.

To combat this aberration of thought [self-persecution], I’d like to start an exercise I rely on to get me through the noise when it’s so loud I want to take up cliff diving.

First, I want you to put your hands on a Magic Marker. I prefer black ink because its more direct.

Then, get a large sketch pad which you can find at any Office Max.

Now, open the marker and draw a straight line down the center of the page.

On the left, write down the question you’re pondering; the one that triggers rage, anxiety and depression.

For our purposes here, let’s start with question #1:

#1] Why am I not a rock star?

For most of us, the right side of the column will look something like this:

a] Because I’m not a professional musician.

b] Because I chose to attend Business school in Rhode Island rather than sleep on the streets in Hollywood.

c] Because I’m risk-averse, in general.

Excellent. So now you’re answering your own questions and can now go back to enjoying your lunch.

#2] Why don’t I have my own syndicated radio talk show?

a] Because I’m not in the radio business.

b] Because I have never been in the radio business.

c] Because I had no interest in the radio business until “Rush Limbaugh” made me rethink that decision.

#3] Why am I not taking Letterman’s place?

a] Because Stephen Colbert just took it.

b] Because you’re not a stand-up comedian.

c] Because you’re not, nor have you ever been, in the television business, and therefore, neither you nor Mr. Colbert are in competition.

#4] Why aren’t the phones ringing off the hook with glamorous acting jobs, TV appearance bookings, 7-figure book deals?

a] Are you currently a professional actor? If not, scratch the first one.

b] TV appearances usually involve people who either survived a jump out of a commercial airliner without a parachute, or those born into a celebrity families they can’t wait to tell the world about.

c] As for “7-figure book deals” NOT involving celebrity gossip, you might ask yourself if you’ve ever written a book, much less taken a course in high school English.

#5] Why don’t I own a Gulfstream?

a] Most celebrities cannot afford to own Gulfstream aircraft, so they buy timeshares in them.

b] The oil and gas company you’ve been working for has a fleet of 7 Gulfstreams. If you had become a Vice-President, you’d been flying on one yourself.

c] Most people who can afford to outright own their own jets were usually born into the money. The rest you can count on two hands.

#6] Where is my entourage?

a] You have a wife, three kids, two cats and a Labrador Retriever. Isn’t that enough?

b] Once you’re past a certain age the last thing you want is to be bothered by an entourage, much less anything – or anyone with their hand out.

c] Entourages are for elite professional boxers who will probably blow through everything before they hit your age. Way before. I can name names you already know.

#7] Where am I?

a] By this, most middle-aged men are referring to where they are in the context of their lives and accomplishments. So start jotting down your accomplishments – without comparing them with people you don’t know, but can’t stop hearing about.

b] If you’re still healthy, reasonably happy, and financially secure at middle age, you’re a celebrity to anyone who is not.

c] If you have a swimming pool in addition to everything else, you deserve a backhand from God.

And finally…

#8] Who am I?

a] I might suggest ancestry.com.

If this isn’t what you’re referring to, dial 911.

“Dadbods” and the Soccer Moms Who Love Them

In this photograph, Leonardo DiCaprio sports the sexy new “Dadbod.”

http://hiit-blog.dailyhiit.com/hiit-life/leonardo-dicaprios-dadbod-is-the-new-hot-body-type-for-men/

I added a second link below of a survey of women who seem to prefer a bit of flab over super fit by a wide margin [no puns].

http://hiit-blog.dailyhiit.com/hiit-community/75-women-prefer-flab-abs/

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Men of my age [and socioeconomic demographic] feel entitled to physically beautiful women because beautiful women feel entitled to men of relative achievement and success.

The more success = the more beauty.

It’s a simple equation that cuts both ways.

And while no one complains about both parties being in top physical condition, women are less inclined to appreciate what they consider to be physical competition.

Why?

1] It makes them feel less secure about their bodies than they already do, no matter how beautiful they happen to be.

2] It makes aging an even bigger existential nightmare than it already is since older people look worse than younger people no matter what Koolaid you’re drinking.

3] It forces women to sleep with one eye open knowing other women are angling for their successful – and damn good looking– husbands, which places even more pressure on them to remain physically flawless, even though it’s physically impossible.

SUMMARY

While most in-shape women would probably consider DiCaprio out of shape and in dire need of a bra, they would also be the first ones in line should he express an interest in them.

The same cannot be said of men if the woman in question happened to be physically unattractive.

This disparity is at the crux of the phenomenon.

Billy Joel [65], and Alexis Roderick [29] Expecting.

https://celebrity.yahoo.com/news/billy-joels-girlfriend-alexis-roderick-pregnant-couple-expecting-193000632-us-weekly.html?soc_src=mail&soc_trk=ma

Congratulations to Billy and Alexis!

See folks, life is not an actuarial table. It’s a journey with no particular timeline.

In the end, love is wherever you find it…no matter what the accountants say.

The “Ideal Female Physique” to Certain Men of a Certain Age

Not that I need to remind any of you in my demographic, but for “outsiders” interested in what older men find physically ideal in women, you can use the link below to run the numbers for yourselves.

Most women I’m around can recite them in their sleep.

http://www.stepfordwives.org/diary/tag/stepford-wives-body-size/

Needless to say, what you want is not necessarily what you get.

………………..

I was in the gym yesterday when one of the guys I train with commented on how many of the women around us had identical physiques.

I guess my narrative is beginning to rub off on some of these guys.

“OF COURSE THEY ALL LOOK [AND ACT] ALIKE! SO DO BLACK OPS! IT’S HOW THEY WIN WARS!”

………………

Speaking in generalities is always a dicey proposition, but generalizations do have their place, or no one would have the vaguest idea what I was talking about.

To wit, women of a certain demographic – or those aspiring to become members of it – know that a specific appearance is the key to “moving up.”

It’s not that other attributes are ignored. It’s that one opens the door while the other closes it behind them.

Let’s take my health club, for example.

All of the “well married” – or aspirants – look like they rolled out of the same factory.

Their overall physique is best described as “long and lean.”

Some have described it as that of 12-year-old boys in yoga pants and tans.

But why would any man want the women in his life to look like an adolescent boy?

Here are 5 of the most commonly cited reasons, though they tend to avoid using the adolescent boy metaphor:

1] High-end fashion apparel is designed around a long, lean look, so women who look this way always look great at cocktail parties and benefits.

2] Women on the “curvy” side give the impression that the men in their company are, for whatever reason, are unable to command a more exemplary model.

3] Women who are “long and lean” look more educated, cultured and intelligent, which reflects well on the man in their lives, even if neither is the actual case.

4] Men of this demographic prefer smaller women they can physically handle, and subconsciously, dominate.

5] Women who fit this profile avoid criticism from other women, which makes men who rely on flawless social reflections feel better about their choice in mates.

POSTSCRIPT

I was having lunch yesterday at my health-club when one of the staff approached my table to thank me for helping her with her diet. I simply suggested that she try a diet more in line with the Paleo guidelines, which avoid such items as bread.

But what struck me wasn’t that something I suggested was helping her accomplish her weight goals, but why she was trying to lose so much weight in the first place.

“Jay,” she said, “I know that my ticket out of this job is my body. If I can just get that lean look, I can come back here as a member.”

A few statistics worth noting from the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders:

1] Women are much more likely than men to develop an eating disorder. Only an estimated 5 to 15 percent of people with anorexia or bulimia are male.14

2] An estimated 0.5 to 3.7 percent of women suffer from anorexia nervosa in their lifetime.14 Research suggests that about 1 percent of female adolescents have anorexia.

3] An estimated 1.1 to 4.2 percent of women have bulimia nervosa in their lifetime.

4] An estimated 2 to 5 percent of Americans experience binge-eating disorder in a 6-month period.

5] About 50 percent of people who have had anorexia develop bulimia or bulimic patterns.

6] 20% of people suffering from anorexia will prematurely die from complications related to their eating disorder, including suicide and heart problems.

Needless to say, the costs of maintenance are usually ten times the value of homes in nicer neighborhoods, and I haven’t even mentioned jail time for women who suffer homicidal rage targeted at the husbands.

Dating at Middle Age – It’s Still a Man’s World

There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind. Patrick Rothfuss.

…………..

http://omgchronicles.vickilarson.com/2014/01/15/dating-at-middle-age-why-bother/

There are no shortages of women-run “advice” sites extolling the virtues of older women and the men who just can’t wait to date them.

Most, if not all, of this is wishful thinking – or a marketing ploy – designed to drum up web hits from an audience of older women who feel invisible in a world that values youth and beauty before other qualities.

These sites claim that older women are simply more selective than younger men and women, which is why it’s harder for them to find partners.

This is true.

If I were a 50 or 60-year-old woman expecting to find a fit, handsome and highly successful man my age to date and marry, I’d have to be out of my mind.

Most men who fit that description are looking at women in their 20’s, 30’s and maybe, early 40’s.

But like I said, the narrative is good for attracting female readers looking for a glimmer of hope in what appears to be an existential nightmare because it is an existential nightmare.

As I cover in my new book, Urban Dystrophy, the biggest problem women face is the delusion that such men have reached a stage in life where they look beyond the physical, which is about as ridiculous as it sounds no matter what you hear to the contrary.

Most of these men have already been married and are now statistics in the “gray divorce” pile up.

They said “I do” in their 20’s, went on to build a family and career, made a ton of money, and are now bored and entitled.

What they want this time around is NOT the older woman they divorced, but the one they married back when they got married.

They want to start all over again at 50 or 60 with someone reflective of their accomplishments.

Now you know the origin of the term: Trophy Wife.

But for most men I know, it’s far more complex.

In addition to the trophy aspects of the woman they also want someone they can converse with, share a mutual understanding, and love.

Older women often refer to this as man’s delusion, but for the more self-actualized among us, this is simply not the case.

While our accomplishments tend to precede us, there are no shortages of younger women waiting in line to date, live with, and ultimately, marry us.

That’s a lot to ask of a younger woman just starting out in life, to be perfectly frank.

And while some of them are grifters and psychopaths, many, many more are everything but.

In the end, it’s not that older men don’t didn’t find women their age interesting. It’s that they are simply not physically attracted to them.

Note: Most successful older women I personally know either date – and underwrite – much younger men, or they sleep alone.

Thankfully, women are better adapted to single-hood as evidenced by their ability to bond with other women in ways that men find difficult, if not impossible.

In this sense we both win. Count your blessings.

Older Men and Their Obsession with “Packaging”

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/feb/21/why-are-older-men-looking-at-women-half-their-age

Not all men are superficial.

I have actually known a few in their 50’s and 60’s who chose women their own age [within 5 years].

A few. Not many.

Most of them fell into the following categories:

1] Passive men lacking in ambition and drive who find emotional fulfillment in the company of powerful mother figures who do the driving for them.

2] Men with average to low libidos seeking travel companions.

3] Men who feign interest in such women because they look good on paper, but end up with women half their age because they look better in the flesh.

4] Normal, well adjusted men who would never consider dating anyone outside of their own age demographic because they live in the same psychological box they grew up in.

5] Budding serial killers looking for an older, submissive companion who will blend in with the neighborhood and stay out of the shed.

6] Men who have been married to the same women for decades and don’t see the changes as profoundly as they would had they met them on a Match date yesterday.

7] Men who genuinely love their wives too much to leave them, mistresses notwithstanding.

Understand that what gets people to where they are in life tends also to drive every other aspect of their life.

As I “testified” in my soon-to-be-released book, Urban Dystrophy, The Perverse Truths About Mid-Life in the Big City, there is nothing more powerful, no greater human commodity in the mind of a driven and successful older man, than youth and beauty.

Now you know the true crucible of older women.

Fortunately, due to the resiliency of gender adaptation, women are able to emotionally bond with others of their gender, enabling them to outlive their male counterparts by several years.

In this sense, we both win.

POSTSCRIPT

I remembered bookmarking this article from last month’s Huffington Post, and thought it would dovetail nicely with the narrative of this discussion. In it, Eva Mendes claims that the leading cause of divorce is “sweatpants.” If I may, I think that what Ms. Mendes was trying to say is that men

are visual first, human second.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/19/eva-mendes-sweatpants_n_6902570.html

Urban Dystrophy [Digital Version] Available on Amazon this week!

LAUNCH DATE FOR DIGITAL VERSION ANNOUNCED ON MAY, 2015!

PRINT VERSION TO FOLLOW.

From Urban Dystrophy:

“You get back what others think you’re worth, not what you think you’re worth. And unless you can afford not to care, you better care. With practice, you’ll be able to determine your own relative value so you’re not disappointed by things you thought you deserved, but didn’t for reasons you may resent, but better get used to.”

“Most middle-aged men struggling to balance acquisition of wealth with fading relevance feel like characters in an apocalypse series with recurring story arcs.”

“I compete with popular culture every day, on every level, including in my love life where it’s particularly competitive.”

“I once knew a forty-two-year-old pharmaceutical rep that kept a list of mandatory line items prospective “boyfriends” had to meet. It sat on her iPad for easy reference. If I remember correctly, the last count was 22,328.”

“Eventually we all reach a point in life where we can no longer hit on young women without also being hit on by a bouncer.”

“In the old days, men had wives and mistresses. This was considered normal. It was understood that emotional intimacy in men was a sign of weakness, and therefore, if women wanted their men to remain strong and faithful to their marriages, mistresses were necessary.”

“At middle age, the situation becomes ten times worse. Although women are decades older than they were back in college, men still measure them against their 1980 yearbook picture, which is why most of the women they date were born about that time. This same pathology manifests in the perception that men and women age at different rates, even if they technically don’t.”

“Women say blessings are counted by the number of people who give you unconditional love. But, others contend that you still die alone, and that bouncing nickels off a flawless ass is worth the blind faith in miracles.”

We’ve also produced some limited edition t-shirts, should you be interested in brandishing the narrative!

The logo below:

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