To Manscape or Not to Manscape?

Brian Viner for Daily Mail

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3148986/Wax-away-hairy-man-chest-Brian-Viner-gave-try.html

In my urban slice of the socioeconomic pie, manscaping is considered normal maintenance for older men.

But this does require some degree of qualification: Vain-ish older men.

Not pathologically vain, but vain within reason in large metropolitan circles.

Appearance is survival in these places – for both men and women.

When I was a young man I had chest hair.

Of course, it was also the 80’s, so there’s that.

But when you’re in your 20’s, chest hair also ends to behave.

It grows in certain areas, but not in others.

It’s not invasive.

A little brown tuft in the middle of one’s chest is fine.

But as we age it starts to spread like influenza in what I assume is a last ditch effort to remind us of our primordial genesis, which helps prepare us for death.

But vain men don’t want to die anymore than women want to ditch their plastic surgeons.

So we fight back.

Brian Viner [above] is NOT what most men in my world look like…with or without the chest hair.

Appearance is not high on his list of priorities.

Why this is I don’t know.

Some men just don’t care, which is why they find others just like themselves.

Together, they live in gated suburban communities.

This is one reason he looks ridiculous without chest hair.

If my chest looked like that I wouldn’t shave it either.

The more hair, the more coverage. Great.

But for men who take pride in their appearances, the last thing they want is an unattended lawn.

I can’t even remember the last time I saw one of these guy, to be honest with you.

It’s not that I don’t see chest hair. I do.

But it’s “good” chest hair. Clustered, trimmed and even.

The rest either shave it off, or have it lasered by one of the 20,000,000 salons on every street corner in Houston.

For the guys who opt to maintain – rather than rid – the one thing no one in their right mind does is parade around with hair on their backs.

In some zip codes it’s considered a class 3 misdemeanor.

In mine it’s a felony.

Here is Mr. Viner’s back, and why he would be doing community service around here:

I know, it’s horrific.

But this is considered normal, again, in some circles…not mine.

People just don’t walk around like this unless they have some psychiatric disability.

But allow me to point out [yet again] that Mr. Viner’s back is also soft and out of shape, which further reflects his lack of concern for appearance, and thus, the need for him to find refuge in insulated culture groups.

I always go back to this point because in America there are two distinctly different worlds:

One is Urban, the other rural and/or suburban.

Each have their own set of values.

And while some men work in big cities, they always go back to where they came from to avoid jail time.

There’s an upside to everything.

To close, the photograph below is what older men in my world consider normal:

Congratulations to Billy Joel [66] and Alexis Roderick [33]!

Billy Joel and Alexis Roderick in surprise 4th of July wedding.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/music/celebrity/billy-joel-weds-girlfriend-during-fourth-of-july-party/ar-AAcztHn

Folks, it doesn’t matter what the difference in age – or any of the other line items to which we’re supposed to adhere in order to have normal, well-adjusted relationships].

Love finds us wherever we happen to be standing at any given moment.

Be ready for whatever the hell it looks like.

13 Reasons Why Older Men Should “Lift Heavy.”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/12/benefits-of-lifting-weights_n_6432632.html

As we get older, the more muscle mass we have, the less likely we are to die prematurely…or suffer clinical depression, which is worse.

The article offers the following bullet points, which I will elaborate on here:

1] You’ll live longer.

According to 2014 research from UCLA, “the greater your muscle mass, the lower your risk of death.”

Unfortunately, most physicians tell their older patients to moderate their activities to avoid injury rather than challenge themselves.

This is ass backwards.

If you DON”T lift heavy, you are guaranteed to injure yourself just getting out of bed.

2] You’ll sleep better.

When your body is tired it needs rest. The more physically exhausted, the more rest.

It’s a simple equation.

People who don’t exercise tend to wake up all hours of the night wondering what happened to their lives.

3] You feel better about your life.

When you accomplish something you never thought possible, you get a corresponding shot of self-esteem.

If you keep believing you can’t this or that simply because you’re older, injury will find you.

Take what your body will give you.

You’ll soon learn it has a lot more to give than you thought.

4] Protect the bones.

The heavier you lift, the more bone density you create.

Stop lifting and you’re just a blood sac waiting to explode.

5] Maintain balance [literally].

If you want to prevent falls resulting in things like broken hips – the death knell of the aging – combine strength training, flexibility and balancing exercises.

Among older men I know, the only way to stay in the game of life is to stay in the gym.

6] Reduce anxiety and depression.

Strength training stimulates hormones, increases brain function, and relieves anxiety and depression.

If you don’t believe me, drag your ass to a gym for an intense one-hour workout and I will show you a different person.

7] Look better in clothes.

If you want to look good in clothes, you have to be able to fill them out.

Nobody likes stooped shoulders and an old man ass.

8] Burn more calories.

The more lean body mass you build, the more calories you burn just watching television.

Lifting heavy guarantees more lean mass.

9] It’s not as time-consuming as you think.

Runners do the least amount of strength training, which is why I don’t recommend endurance running to anyone.

You end up looking like crap and you’re as weak as matchstick.

Having said this, strength training an hour a day, 3 days a week is what I would consider more than adequate for most Boomers.

10] It doesn’t matter where you lift, or what you lift, as long as you lift.

Body weight exercises are fine. You can do them anywhere.

But to get the benefits I’m talking about here, you have to invest in weights that challenge you beyond the push up.

11] You are more athletic.

Strength training enables the body to perform better, faster, stronger.

If you don’t believe me, take a look at all the older men who don’t train at all and get back to me.

12] You heart will thank you.

Cardio isn’t the only form of exercise that benefits the heart.

In some cases, strength training has been shown to to be as effective as statin drugs.

13] Reject aging.

When people say age is a state of mind, they’re referring to healthy adults.

If you let yourself fall apart, you will argue the previous point.

SUMMARY

Strength training is the primary weapon against aging.

If you commit yourself to a fitness lifestyle that includes heavy resistance training, you can avoid many of the pitfalls of aging that all sedentary people experience prematurely.

From the muscle-fat connection [higher metabolic rate], to osteoporosis prevention, to a decrease in arthritic pain, to glucose metabolism improvement, to better mental health – heavy weight training is as close as human beings come to a fountain of youth.

Of course, you also have to eat right, get enough rest, drink in moderation, and do all the other things necessary to keep the ball rolling without killing yourself in the process.

No wonder so many people are obese.

“Dad Bod” is the Key to Invisibility [Irony, Notwithstanding]

A “normal” overweight 59 year old male. 205 lbs and 5.11″ BMI is 28.6 or just under Obese at 30.

Scott Olson, winner of the Masters 60+ division of the 2014 CrossFit Games!!!

This is me, a fit 59 year old male. 6’1″ and 230 lbs. 14% body fat – and drug free!

No Testosterone supplementation.

No HGH.

No Anabolic Steroids.

Just hard work and discipline.

I’ll explain why men in my demographic would rather put a bullet in their heads than look like the first guy.

~~~

OVERVIEW

There are certain areas of the country where looking “normal” is considered normal.

While traveling during my years as a professional photographer, I noticed fat farms mostly in small communities, where having a 400–pound wife was considered a “bigger bang for the buck,” and husbands with pregnant guts were simply men of “healthy appetites.”

Needless to say, this mindset insured that everyone stayed out of shape…and home where they belonged.

SIDE NOTE

There are smaller cities like New Orleans where a daily diet of fried foods and vodka-martini nightcaps are indicators of “healthy lifestyle choices.”

It’s among a few places in America where alcoholism and type 2 diabetes are considered a normal part of the aging process.

In places like Houston and Los Angeles [to name just a couple], being grossly overweight – or overweight at all – is unacceptable.

The only obese people I ever see are suffering a psychiatric disability or some form of head trauma.

Note: Our version of obesity is anorexia, which is considered acceptable in big cities.

Digressions aside, obese people are often heard using the “thyroid” argument to justify [or explain] their conditions, but it’s usually dismissed because everyone already knows from TV that POW’s with thyroid problems are still rail thin.

The only people who get away with obesity are billionaires who spend all their time around hookers who find them irresistible.

ANOTHER RELATED NOTE

It is common to see suburban daughters of obese men lovin’ on their dad bods.

But the innuendo is demeaning, not that anyone openly acknowledges it because the fading dad feels loved – while the daughter, worshiped.

It’s a simple equation.

Everything in its right place in time.

I’m young + you’re old = my girlfriends are off limits.

CONCLUSION

When you enter your 50’s, the first thing you start hearing about is how you need to slow down, moderate your physical activity.

After all, you don’t want to risk “injuring your back.”

Of course, it’s the other way around, as anyone who works out hard eventually learns.

Then we’re hammered with TV ads stereotyping us as feeble and resigned.

I can’t count the number of actors in pharmaceutical ads who play Pillsbury Dough Boys on golf courses in the company of matronly “wives” who look like they could play stand-in for their mothers.

This is NOT reality as I know it, and it shouldn’t be for you.

Don’t accept the defeatist mantra that sucks you into the BIG PHARMA bandwagon before your time.

Fire physicians who tell you to slow down when you have no reason to do so other than fear.

Burn your golf shirts and pleated khakis and get under some weights.

Old age is decades away. Your time isn’t up.

If anything, it’s a new beginning. A new chapter. New rules of engagement.

Your life doesn’t end just because the calendar says your time came and went.

If that’s the case, you’ve got a lot of time ahead of you to be miserable.

If that’s what you want, go for it.

Remember: It’s a choice, not a physical reality.

The sooner you wake up with this mantra in your head, the sooner you’ll be doing wall-balls and push-ups at 78.

I know quite a few men like this who could kick your sorry asses to the curb.

ACCEPT NOTHING UNTIL YOU’RE DEAD, then you can come to terms with certain limitations.

Now that the Gay Marriage Hurdle Has Cleared, It’s Time We Accept May-December Relationships.

Ronnie Wood, 67, Sally Humphreys, 36

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2909179/Would-age-gap-romance-Stephen-Fry-marries-man-30-years-junior-FEMAIL-examines-pros-cons-Hollywood-s-inter-generational-relationships.html

I’ve been in a May-December relationship for the past 4 1/2 years.

Like other relationships over the course of my lifetime, it has its ups and downs.

The fact that my girlfriend is, let’s just say, decades younger does not mean that I’m hoarding a slave, manipulating and controlling a psychiatric outpatient, or buying pills for a dependent drug addict.

It may be the other way around, but I digress.

I’m in a relationship with someone much younger than myself because someone I happened to find attractive felt the same way.

There are so many misconceptions to blatant prejudice based upon ignorance and/or projection tied to insecurity, mostly on the part of older women who consider this sort of thing a sacrilege, and therefore, grounds for open season.

But as you’ll see, I’ve also dated “age-appropriate.”

When I was 18 years old, my girlfriend was 17, and yet we still broke up after a couple of months!

When I was 28, my girlfriend was 19. We lasted a year and a half.

By the time I reached 45, my 30-year-old girlfriend and I lasted two and a half years!

As you can see, there was clearly a correlation between age disparity and perpetuity.

As the article points out, guys like me never feel our age, so maybe we all come to a place of acceptance where we learn to embrace who we really are, and allow ourselves to be hunted down like dogs and held hostage by beautiful young women.

You can think of it as a disability if it makes you feel better.

Do I feel exploited? Yes.

Have my urges obliterated all semblance of reason? Yes.

Am I complaining? No.

I’ve learned that how I feel inside my skin eventually manifests externally.

Thus, I’m still in my 20’s along with my girlfriend.

Finally, I learned the true meaning of acceptance, and so should you.

Older men and the Midlife Comparison Game No One Wins

Midlife crisis is a term coined in 1965 by Elliott Jaques stating a time where adults come to realize their own mortality and how much time is left in their life.^[1] A midlife crisis is experienced by many people during the midlife transition when they realize that life may be more than halfway over. Sometimes, a crisis can be triggered by transitions experienced in these years, such as andropause or menopause, the death of parents or other causes of grief, unemployment or underemployment, realizing that a job or career is hated but not knowing how else to earn an equivalent living, or children leaving home. People may reassess their achievements in terms of their dreams. The result may be a desire to make significant changes in core aspects of day-to-day life or situation, such as in career, work-life balance, marriage, romantic relationships, large expenditures, or physical appearance. – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midlife_crisis

~~~

I’ll just say this: No matter what ambitious, driven men achieve in their lives, the farther away the success sits from the present, the fainter the glow.

TRANSLATION

Men like me never rest on the laurels of the past.

If we’re not producing something of value every day of our lives, we begin to fade to obscurity in our own minds no matter what those around us see.

It’s like a virus that festers like an open wound when we’re dormant.

What animates older men is pride in accomplishment.

But it bears noting that no matter where we are along the chronological ladder, there’s always another step up.

No wonder I’m still in therapy.

“Aging Gracefully” is a Contradiction in Terms

How does she do it?

http://celebritypost.net/christie-brinkley-plastic-surgery/

No one ages gracefully.

Just compare a well “maintained” woman of 60 with that of a dime store cashier of the same age, and it appears to be two entirely different species.

SF Chronicle columnist Rob Morse, refers to what it takes to win the battle of aging as “ritual mutilation of the wealthy.”

But regardless what he and other social critics have to say about the sad state of today’s supposedly enlightened women, no one in their right mind is going to fall apart in front of their friends if they want repeat invitations to cocktail parties and galas.

It’s kind of like not owning the right shoes and handbags, for God’s sake.

Of course, unlike like shoes and handbags, the old mantra “you can never have too many” doesn’t work as well on the operating table.

Profile of an Aging Narcissist

Socialite Fraudster Edward Davenport [Google him]

When you’re young and beautiful, the world can kiss your ass.

You have nothing to prove that isn’t already obvious, which is plenty enough.

But as you get older and your sense of self-worth [as a man] is tied largely to your lifelong accomplishments [including the ones in your own head], the prospect of fading “relevance” becomes terrifying.

Now what?

This juncture marks the onset of what I refer to as the narcissists crucible, “a place of occasion or test of severe trial” where anything can, and usually will manifest in order to keep the boat from sinking like a jackhammer.

Note: The following is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event. It just seems like it does.

My name is Aristotle “Ari” Lazarov of Monaco, and I am a clinical narcissist. My 5th wife, Christina, is my enabler. Together we have 12 children.

Note: What I narcissists would admit so I wouldn’t have to run an intervention on their delusions.

I have a wonderful relationship with all my ex-wives because it behooves social climbers to keep their mouths shut.

Needless to say, they have nothing to stand on without party invitations, and therefore, everything to lose.

Note: He should know.

I am an extraordinarily good-looking man in spite of my age [which changes every 5 minutes, or just stays where it is for years at a time].

Note: Narcissists never fail to compliment themselves.

I dine at the right restaurants, drive the right cars, belong to the right clubs, know the right people, and wear acceptable designer apparel recognized by people who know and appreciate the finer things in life.

Note: He never wears anything that people who host photo-op-worthy cocktail parties and fundraisers might find distasteful, since party invitations are the lifeblood of his existence.

I stay in top physical condition through regular workouts with my personal trainer. I also maintain healthy eating habits, and take herbal testosterone that replenishes everything stolen by age, about which I remain in denial.

Note: It’s a simple equation, really.

I have a home in Houston, an apartment in NYC, and a family compound outside Paris.

Note: Doesn’t everyone?

The other specifics of my life are up to you and your imagination. If I’ve been successful, you’ll imagine big.

Note: The narcissist stays light on the details and heavy on innuendo to keep the fantasies alive long after death, which is just as important as life in most cases.

~~~

My name is Christina Lazarov, wife to my handsome and successful husband, Aristotle.

Note: I’m an enabler, remember?

Whatever my last name used to be is irrelevant because my life back then was irrelevant […not that it doesn’t haunt me in the middle of the night when I remember feeling something rather than nothing at all].

Note: This is something she should have broached in therapy, but because therapists lean in the direction of healing, she found a Pilates instructor.

Now my world is glamorous [pretentious], transcendent [privileged], and blissful [spaced-out], as everyone who’s anyone knows.

Note: Reflection [aka external affirmation] is heroin to any Stepford Wife with a working knowledge of the Devil’s Crossroads.

SUMMARY

1] Aging narcissist-socialites attend parties for the photo ops, not for the charities themselves.

In fact, many of them don’t even know the charities they’re attending, given the number of stops one must make on a particular night, particularly during cultural season.

“Oh is this the Opera gala? Of course it is!”

2] Old money doesn’t want the publicity.

New money can’t live without it.

Note the outrageously expensive and pretentious automobiles cars lined up in perfect formation in front of gold digging establishments.

Money is thrown around like party favors. Think of it as a carbon credit for people who don’t know better.

3] The aging narcissist sits on the fence between old and new, driving cars that are expensive, but not pretentious.

Wearing clothing that is stylish, but not trendy and/and garish.

And generally behaving in a manner reflective of sophistication and cultural maturity, in spits of the fact that it’s a ruse.

In this sense, they’re the lowest of the low because no one has any idea who they really are, including themselves.

I could go on.

Back to the Future

Clint Eastwood, happy 85th

William Shatner, happy 84th

The man you now know as “Raymond Reddington,” happy 55th

Chevy Chase, happy 71st

Gary Oldham, happy 57th

Robert Redford, happy 78th

Martin Sheen, happy 74th

Jeff Bridges, happy 65th

Jay Rusovich [me], happy 59th

~~~

When I was growing up this is what these guys looked like, myself included.

We no longer look this way, but it’s important to note that all of us travel through life in the same progression.

We all know what youth looked and felt like, because at one time, we were also maladjusted teenagers pulling figure-8’s on someone’s golf course in the middle of the night.

I bring this up also because in spite of the fact that youth is still a middle-aged man’s most precious commodity, I never appreciated it until it was gone.

Now I pay through the teeth for it.

The Beauty-Status Exchange

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/07/the-myth-of-buying-beauty/374414/

The Beauty-Status relationship is analogous to lines and performance in sports cars.

And speaking of sports cars, there’s always a faster one.

~~~

What I’m about to illustrate will probably irritate most women who resent objectification, but it may help mitigate the anger through acceptance that men are superficial first, human second.

THE MALE DEMOGRAPHIC

1] Big cities

2] Educated

3] Worldly

4] “Rich”

5] Baby-Boomers

Three [3] female body types and how men of the above demographic respond to each:

While no one could possibly argue that this woman isn’t insanely fit, most would find her too muscular for cocktail attire.

Imagine her in Prada and the discussion is closed.

She’s out of place anywhere other than a gym, which is not where most of these men spend the majority of their lives.

She is also impossible to physically control, which challenges a CEO’s self-perception as natural born leader.

A plus-size model parades a design from the Rio label during the ‘Hot in the City’ Intimates show at the Sydney Fashion Festival on August 21, 2009. The festival aimed at the public profiles the comtemporary spring-summer collections of local and international fashion brands as these new season’s looks arrive into stores throughout the city. RESTRICTED TO EDITORIAL USE AFP PHOTO / Greg WOOD (Photo credit should read GREG WOOD/AFP/Getty Images)

Plus-sized women make such men feel inadequate and embarrassed.

What have they done – or not done – in their personal lives to enable such an abomination to evolve?

People will hurl conjecture right and left at galas and benefits from here to Monte Carlo.

She should know better, and he’s obviously a complete failure as a man, so yes, this physique is a FAIL.

SHARNI VINSON and Kellan Lutz at the Beach at Cronulla New South Wales in Australia

While there remains a small niche market for this look – particularly among men who get off on physically dominating the look and feel of 12-year-old boys – it is less common than you might imagine.

Finally, we have what most men in the above demographic consider a woman prepped to sell.

She is fit, but overly so. “Toned, but not muscular” is the way is usually described.

Her bathing suit looks the way the fashion designer envisioned it on a woman, and furthermore, she would look great in basically everything “couture” on the planet.

Perceptions of him – his status, in particular – soars.

He’s now arrived and she gets the house.

Yea, there’s a downside to everything.

~~~

HOW TO MAINTAIN “OBJECT” STATUS

Women who go down this road know what they have to sacrifice in order to get it right.

First, they have to start out with the right facial and body structure.

There is some wiggle room here, so don’t freak out just yet.

From this point forward, the hard work begins.

Tenet #1: Counting calories is as much a part of life as breathing, preferably no more than 1200 a day.

For me 1200 calories doesn’t even cover breakfast, but whatever.

Tenet #2: In order to maintain the obligatory year-round tan and flawless skin, you need the right skincare products and 100% sunblock.

Understand that women do not tan at a pool. They tan at a salon. There’s a difference.

As for exercising, there is no such thing as running a marathon or any extended outdoor running at all.

It’s fine for teenagers, but once a woman hits her mid-20’s all the sun damage creeps in like a tsunami.

Tenet #4: All exercising must be done indoors – at “pump” classes, Pilates and yoga.

Understand that the look is “toned, but not muscular,” in spite of the fact that this makes no literal sense, since tone is muscle.

But women in “the know” understand the terminology well because they have the blueprint stamped into their DNA.

SUMMARY OF THE BASICS

1] 1200 calories a day

2] Spray on tan and sunblock.

3] Indoor exercise, only.

Got it?

WANT MORE?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3122739/All-day-s-work-Erin-Holland-furiously-flaunts-fabulous-figure-numerous-bikinis-impromptu-photo-shoot-friends-Fiji.html

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