Want to be a “Cool” Older Man? Start With the Right Attire.

the-most-interesting-man-in-the-world

By popular demand, I’m going to share with you what I consider to be kick ass looks for men in their 50’s and 60’s.

Many of you have hit a second stride.

You want to start going out, meeting new people…making the right impressions.

You’ve done all the hard work getting here, including staying in top physical condition, so it’s now or never to make that second stand.

PROBLEM #1: While you were out making money, raising a family, and spending whatever free time you had with your grammar school buddies at the Bushwood Country Club, you forgot that there was life outside.

PROBLEM #2: While your wife may claim to be perfectly happy with you just the way you are, you may not agree.

There are several interesting reasons for the later, but I’ll leave that to another blog.

~~~

A few more regrettable – but fixable – facts:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2424325/Men-appearance-age-46–women-work-looks-decade.html

~~~

First, we’re going to start with the three P’s.

They are your…

1] Physical condition

If you’re obese, you’ll look like a Mardi Gras float in whatever you wear. You don’t have to be an Adonis, but you do have to get beyond the ONE SIZE FITS ALL category.

2] Posture

So let’s say you r are an Adonis, bad posture will obliterate all your gains in a heartbeat. Remember, shoulders back. Walk tall and be a man worth his salt.

Only rich oligarchs get away with bad posture because they’re only surrounded by the people they employ, mostly showgirls.

3] Presentation and/or style

What you wear speaks volumes.

As the old saying goes, “presentation, presentation, presentation…”

First impressions are usually the last impressions you will ever make in life.

~~~

With this behind us, what I will present to you are 3 completely different looks, each with 3 examples of clothing choices ranging from casual to formal attire – all of which play well in large urban settings, including all of them.

I’m sure that somewhere in all of this you can find yourselves all over again.

CATEGORY ONE: BAD BOY CHIC [aka, kiss my ass]

CATEGORY TWO: SMART CONSERVATIVE [say what you want, you country club guys wish you looked this good]

CATEGORY THREE: STYLISH ECCENTRIC 

~~~

BAD BOYS

e17a69aac5abdc8a4276aaddbf5e1f22Daytime, hanging out, being the bad ass that you are.

e1c32f4c6c28ff04380d083cb63a332bSmart casual, out to dinner.

268b048650af4d3151ce2859b96d2350

Show up to a fundraiser in this and you get a gold star.

 

SMART CONSERVATIVE

68a71b2f7f08567e39489b863c28cc59Daytime, hanging out at “Bushwood” overlooking the greens.

df7a88c0b53c6019354f9908615a44afCasual look, out to dinner.

 

d254edcd8fe15802ccc2bdb0405439c9Formal, well done.

STYLISH ECCENTRIC

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You could probably make a down payment on a house for the cost of what this dude’s wearing, but he does pull it off well. Daytime, nighttime, anytime he feels like it. 

5c4d2298199f236b37070567ba6c0d1fHe doesn’t care what you think, but he knows you’re curious.

nick_wooster_03

Great twists on traditional themes.

For more styling ideas, check out this page: https://www.pinterest.com/explore/older-mens-fashion/

You might also save yourself a lot of trouble and just visit John Varvatos: https://www.johnvarvatos.com/

~~~

SUMMARY

I know that many of you are uncomfortable stepping out of your comfort zones.

It’s tough to be an individual when you’ve spent your entire life fitting in, being accepted.

But some of you have had enough of the bullshit and are now ready to step out of the box.

Congratulations.

It takes courage to finally be who you are at midlife and beyond.

For many midlife is a period of rebirth.

This is what rebirth should look like.

Why Women Should be Dating Older Men in Their 50’s and Beyond…

Portrait of serious man

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-w-anderson/reasons-women-should-be-dating-men-in-their-50s_b_6841616.html

You might also enjoy the following Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/fitguysover50

The Huffington Post article lists ten reasons why women should date older men.

I’ll add to the narrative:

1] Maturity

2] Gray hair

3] Good in Bed

4] Loves kids, but doesn’t want to burden you with his own.

5] Makes – and sticks to – date plans.

6] Physically fit.

7] Financially stable.

8] Knows he’s going to0 pay on the first date.

9] Well-traveled.

10] Doesn’t want you to mother him.

~~~

Okay, so for the past 4 and a half years I have lived with a woman half my age.

I’m not bragging, believe me.

Nothing is a panacea no matter what it looks like from the outside.

For one thing, it gets annoying when people refer to her as my daughter.

Thank God the ID thing finally stopped.

This is all part of the drill.

My ex was age-appropriate and often mistaken for a my mother, so we’re even.

With this in mind, why would a woman so young be interested in a man so much older?

While many will pontificate on her ulterior motives, I can assure you that she can find wealthier men all over Houston.

With this said, it boils down to the following 5 items:

1] Common interests.

We met through the art world, which means we met under circumstances of common interest, rather than a bar where anything and everything can – and usually does – happen under circumstances best left to local law enforcement.

We are also avid fitness and music enthusiasts.

When we first met I noticed that her classic rock collection rivaled mine – and mine is serious by most standards, believe me.

2] Sex.

To be perfectly honest with you [and I hate admitting this, by the way], there was a time in my life when I could not have cared less whether the woman in bed with me reached climax.

It was all about me, my needs, my conquest.

Today, it’s the opposite. It’s about her pleasure first, which I’ve found to be more fulfilling.

I don’t have anything to prove to myself beyond what I already know.

Being experienced – and appreciative –is a big deal in the bedroom.

3] Financial stability.

I know most people want to automatically make this #1, but it isn’t.

Contrary to popular belief, young woman don’t like blowing the best years of their lives on someone they’re not attracted to.

But it is also true most men in their 20’s and 30’s are still living at home, and a night on the town usually involves kegs, sliders and sports under fluorescent light.

With this as a backdrop, financial stability takes the edge off of life, and allows women time to step out of survival mode.

3] Maturity.

While some women enjoy getting wasted, sleeping with strangers, and partying all night long, others prefer a refuge from what feels like all out war to be a better alternative.

4] Knows who he is and what he wants.

When I was 27 I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.

I liked a lot of things, but couldn’t seem to settle on any one.

This included women.

Enough said on this one.

5] Has the time to devote to a relationship. 

This one certainly ties into the 3rd item on my list, but it’s important to note that the relationship itself is on equal footing with everything else in an older man’s life.

He doesn’t have to climb the corporate ladder all over again.

This time in life is his to share with someone else.

He isn’t “on the road” every five minutes trying to satisfy the demands of a corporation bleeding him soulless.

At this juncture, he is the corporation and anyone who suggests otherwise can deal with his middle finger.

SUMMARY

The is no perfect relationship, no matter what the difference in age happens to be.

Whether it’s an older man with a younger woman, or an older woman in the same situation, it’s all about making the pieces fit.

It’s a more conscious process than it was back in the days when a smile sealed the deal.

Now it’s about who we’ve become, who we are, and what we want.

This takes about as much of the guesswork out of life as one can reasonably expect from human beings.

For many younger women, that’s more than enough.

Media Stereotypes of Older Men vs. Reality

photos.demandstudios.com_getty_article_181_34_200287042-001_XS

This old fella here is probably in his mid-70’s, yet he’s cast as a man of 58.

Honestly, I’d consider addressing him as “sir,” with old man sunglasses, old man arms, and that swing thing so common among men who were either stroke victims, or in rehab for shoulder surgery. 

This notwithstanding, if he were 80, I’d say he was in great shape no matter what the tangential health issues.

Of course, I could be wrong.

He may, in fact, be 58.

If this is the case, God help him.

~~~

Here’s a recent article that appeared in Livestrong.com.

The photo caption above is the one taken from the article:

http://www.livestrong.com/article/437206-common-exercises-for-58-year-old-men/

In my world, guys in th 58-62 range look more like this:

 

Games2012_GordMackinnon_LandscapeGord Mackinnon, crossfit athlete.

According to the article, men in the 58-62-year-old range are in transition between what’s considered middle age and senior citizen, the later of which falls on top of the 65-year-old.

Hell, you just as soon shoot yourself by these standards.

So how does a “geriatric” of 58 stay in shape?

According to the article, here are the obligatory exercises:

1] Swimming

“An enjoyable exercise that aging men who suffer from sore, achy and stiff joints [as well as muscles] commonly engage in.”

COMMENTS

This is fine for the average man who wants to claim to be athletic, but isn’t.

Nobody I know paddles around for 30 minutes and feels any sense of accomplishment.

You have to push yourself to experience gains.

If you do 30 minutes of swimming 3x/wk, make it 30 minutes of intervals, each heat hitting hitting your 85% max heart rate.

2] Walking

“Walking is an easy exercise habit for older men to stick with…”

COMMENTS

Am I really reading this?

Next thing you know they’ll be referring to getting out of bed.

If you’re going to do a walking routine, make sure it’s it’s intense enough to achieve your training heart rate.

A leisurely walk is something you do in a museum, not on a track or gym.

Yesterday, my workout concluded with a 5 minute-walking sprint on a treadmill.

It was set at manual, so I had to push the rubberized track.

It wasn’t going to move by itself.

I managed to hit 146 BPM, which is close to 87% of max.

By the time it was over i could have squeezed a full glass of sweat from my t-shirt.

That’s training.

3] Bike riding

“Bike riding is a no-impact exercise that is gentler on knee joints than pavement-pounding exercises…”

COMMENTS

Oh my God, shut the hell up already!

Are you kidding me?

Try a spin class before you get your old ass on a bike.

It will get you in shape so you don’t fall down and not be able to get back up.

4] Weight training

“Hit the weights two to three times per week with two exercises each for the chest, back, arms, shoulders, legs and core.”

COMMENTS

Yes folks, this stuff is actually published.

Weight training for a 58-year-old is exactly the same as it is for a 38-year-old, except that the older guy needs more recovery time. Period.

I weight train 3x/wk and pack on as much muscle as I did 20 years ago.

The reason for this is rest and recovery.

I can no longer weight train 5 days a week without chronic inflammation and/or injury.

But when I do train, I can humble men half my age.

I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I am capable of doing all the things I did at 20, nor am I going to tell you that age categories in fitness competitions are irrelevant.

What I am telling you is that your training is just as tough as it always was, rest and recovery considered.

5] Flexibility and balance

“Older men commonly experience a decrease in flexibility and joint mobility as they age.”

COMMENTS

All men of all ages experience decreases in flexibility when they are inactive.

That’s why seasoned athletes spend an inordinate amount of time on flexibility and mobility exercises.

The human body is meant to move.

SUMMARY

Whether it’s swimming, walking, cycling, weight training or flexibility work, if you want gains, you have to push your boundaries to get the results you have in your head.

As I’ve said a hundred times before, it’s not a cakewalk, not for the faint of heart, not for the easily defeated.

A fitness lifestyle is a different way of looking at life.

It’s all-encompassing. Not something you dabble in.

Dabble in business and see what happens to your business.

The mindset has to rise above the mean in order to get to where you want to be in whatever your endeavor, and fitness is no different.

Stop reading feel-good articles, and start reading ones that challenge you.

Stop accepting stereotypes.

The more you accept, the more the tired dogma burrows into your life and weakens your resolve.

Don’t be a statistic.

Get to the gym and out into life like a man who has decades ahead of him to make a stand.

Raise the bar and the world will rise with you.

As for these people who keep pandering to the averages, tell ’em to kiss your ass.

13 Reasons Why Older Men Should “Lift Heavy.”

375655_447264485296631_1188621092_n1http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/12/benefits-of-lifting-weights_n_6432632.html

As we get older, the more muscle mass we have, the less likely we are to die prematurely…or suffer clinical depression, which is worse.

The article offers the following bullet points, which I will elaborate on here:

1] You’ll live longer.

According to 2014 research from UCLA, “the greater your muscle mass, the lower your risk of death.”

Unfortunately, most physicians tell their older patients to moderate their activities to avoid injury rather than challenge themselves.

This is ass backwards.

If you DON”T lift heavy, you are guaranteed to injure yourself just getting out of bed.

2] You’ll sleep better.

When your body is tired it needs rest. The more physically exhausted, the more rest.

It’s a simple equation.

People who don’t exercise tend to wake up all hours of the night wondering what happened to their lives.

3] You feel better about your life.

When you accomplish something you never thought possible, you get a corresponding shot of self-esteem.

If you keep believing you can’t this or that simply because you’re older, injury will find you.

Take what your body will give you.

You’ll soon learn it has a lot more to give than you thought.

4] Protect the bones.

The heavier you lift, the more bone density you create.

Stop lifting and you’re just a blood sac waiting to explode.

5] Maintain balance [literally].

If you want to prevent falls resulting in things like broken hips – the death knell of the aging – combine strength training, flexibility and balancing exercises.

Among older men I know, the only way to stay in the game of life is to stay in the gym.

6] Reduce anxiety and depression.

Strength training stimulates hormones, increases brain function, and relieves anxiety and depression.

If you don’t believe me, drag your ass to a gym for an intense one-hour workout and I will show you a different person.

7] Look better in clothes.

If you want to look good in clothes, you have to be able to fill them out.

Nobody likes stooped shoulders and an old man ass.

8] Burn more calories.

The more lean body mass you build, the more calories you burn just watching television.

Lifting heavy guarantees more lean mass.

9] It’s not as time-consuming as you think.

Runners do the least amount of strength training, which is why I don’t recommend endurance running to anyone.

You end up looking like crap and you’re as weak as matchstick.

Having said this, strength training an hour a day, 3 days a week is what I would consider more than adequate for most Boomers.

10] It doesn’t matter where you lift, or what you lift, as long as you lift.

Body weight exercises are fine. You can do them anywhere.

But to get the benefits I’m talking about here, you have to invest in weights that challenge you beyond the push up.

11] You are more athletic.

Strength training enables the body to perform better, faster, stronger.

If you don’t believe me, take a look at all the older men who don’t train at all and get back to me.

12] You heart will thank you.

Cardio isn’t the only form of exercise that benefits the heart.

In some cases, strength training has been shown to to be as effective as statin drugs.

13] Reject aging.

When people say age is a state of mind, they’re referring to healthy adults.

If you let yourself fall apart, you will argue the previous point.

SUMMARY

Strength training is the primary weapon against aging.

If you commit yourself to a fitness lifestyle that includes heavy resistance training, you can avoid many of the pitfalls of aging that all sedentary people experience prematurely.

From the muscle-fat connection [higher metabolic rate], to osteoporosis prevention, to a decrease in arthritic pain, to glucose metabolism improvement, to better mental health – heavy weight training is as close as human beings come to a fountain of youth.

Of course, you also have to eat right, get enough rest, drink in moderation, and do all the other things necessary to keep the ball rolling without killing yourself in the process.

No wonder so many people are obese.

article-2314353-1300CABA000005DC-95_634x403

“Dad Bod” is the Key to Invisibility [Irony, Notwithstanding]

robfat2A “normal” overweight 59 year old male. 205 lbs and 5.11″ BMI is 28.6 or just under Obese at 30.

Master-OHScott Olson, winner of the Masters 60+ division of the 2014 CrossFit Games!!!

jay60This is me, a fit 59 year old male. 6’1″ and 230 lbs. 14% body fat – and drug free!

No Testosterone supplementation.

No HGH.

No Anabolic Steroids.

Just hard work and discipline.

I’ll explain why men in my demographic would rather put a bullet in their heads than look like the first guy.

~~~

OVERVIEW

There are certain areas of the country where looking “normal” is considered normal.

While traveling during my years as a professional photographer, I noticed fat farms mostly in small communities, where having a 400–pound wife was considered a “bigger bang for the buck,” and husbands with pregnant guts were simply men of “healthy appetites.”

Needless to say, this mindset insured that everyone stayed out of shape…and home where they belonged.    

SIDE NOTE

There are smaller cities like New Orleans where a daily diet of fried foods and vodka-martini nightcaps are indicators of “healthy lifestyle choices.”

It’s among a few places in America where alcoholism and type 2 diabetes are considered a normal part of the aging process.

In places like Houston and Los Angeles [to name just a couple], being grossly overweight – or overweight at all – is unacceptable.

The only obese people I ever see are suffering a psychiatric disability or some form of head trauma.

Note: Our version of obesity is anorexia, which is considered acceptable in big cities.

Digressions aside, obese people are often heard using the “thyroid” argument to justify [or explain] their conditions, but it’s usually dismissed because everyone already knows from TV that POW’s with thyroid problems are still rail thin.

The only people who get away with obesity are billionaires who spend all their time around hookers who find them irresistible.

ANOTHER RELATED NOTE

It is common to see suburban daughters of obese men lovin’ on their dad bods.

But the innuendo is demeaning, not that anyone openly acknowledges it because the fading dad feels loved – while the daughter, worshiped.

It’s a simple equation.

Everything in its right place in time.

I’m young + you’re old = my girlfriends are off limits.

CONCLUSION

When you enter your 50’s, the first thing you start hearing about is how you need to slow down, moderate your physical activity.

After all, you don’t want to risk “injuring your back.”

Of course, it’s the other way around, as anyone who works out hard eventually learns.

Then we’re hammered with TV ads stereotyping us as feeble and resigned.

I can’t count the number of actors in pharmaceutical ads who play Pillsbury Dough Boys on golf courses in the company of matronly “wives” who look like they could play stand-in for their mothers.

This is NOT reality as I know it, and it shouldn’t be for you.

Don’t accept the defeatist mantra that sucks you into the BIG PHARMA bandwagon before your time.

Fire physicians who tell you to slow down when you have no reason to do so other than fear.

Burn your golf shirts and pleated khakis and get under some weights.

Old age is decades away. Your time isn’t up.

If anything, it’s a new beginning. A new chapter. New rules of engagement.

Your life doesn’t end just because the calendar says your time came and went.

If that’s the case, you’ve got a lot of time ahead of you to be miserable.

If that’s what you want, go for it.

Remember: It’s a choice, not a physical reality.

The sooner you wake up with this mantra in your head, the sooner you’ll be doing wall-balls and push-ups at 78.

I know quite a few men like this who could kick your sorry asses to the curb.

ACCEPT NOTHING UNTIL YOU’RE DEAD, then you can come to terms with certain limitations.

Obesity Rates Soar, But Not In My “World”

Tasteful-and-Fashion-Women-s-Sleeveless-Solid-Lace-Ruffle-Dress-Upper-Class-Work-DressesGenerally speaking, this is a fat-assed nation.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2015/06/22/americas-getting-even-fatter-startling-growth-in-obesity-over-past-20-years/?postshare=3281435059917189

But it’s not the nation I spend my time around.

Most women I know are smart enough to see the correlation between good looks and nicer neighborhoods.

No wonder they all look alike.

“Aging Gracefully” is a Contradiction in Terms

article-2505071-196094E800000578-8_634x811

How does she do it?

http://celebritypost.net/christie-brinkley-plastic-surgery/

No one ages gracefully.

Just compare a well “maintained” woman of 60 with that of a dime store cashier of the same age, and it appears to be two entirely different species.

SF Chronicle columnist Rob Morse, refers to what it takes to win the battle of aging as “ritual mutilation of the wealthy.”

But regardless what he and other social critics have to say about the sad state of today’s supposedly enlightened women, no one in their right mind is going to fall apart in front of their friends if they want repeat invitations to cocktail parties and galas.

It’s kind of like not owning the right shoes and handbags, for God’s sake.

Of course, unlike like shoes and handbags, the old mantra “you can never have too many” doesn’t work as well on the operating table.

The Beauty-Status Exchange

Woman Timing Speed Dating Event --- Image by © sven hagolani/Corbis

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/07/the-myth-of-buying-beauty/374414/

The Beauty-Status relationship is analogous to lines and performance in sports cars.

And speaking of sports cars, there’s always a faster one.

~~~

What I’m about to illustrate will probably irritate most women who resent objectification, but it may help mitigate the anger through acceptance that men are superficial first, human second.

THE MALE DEMOGRAPHIC

1] Big cities

2] Educated

3] Worldly

4] “Rich”

5] Baby-Boomers

Three [3] female body types and how men of the above demographic respond to each:

tumblr_me6fa8I7xd1rangyao1_500

 

While no one could possibly argue that this woman isn’t insanely fit, most would find her too muscular for cocktail attire.

Imagine her in Prada and the discussion is closed.

She’s out of place anywhere other than a gym, which is not where most of these men spend the majority of their lives.

She is also impossible to physically control, which challenges a CEO’s self-perception as natural born leader.

A plus-size model parades a design from the Rio label during the 'Hot in the City' Intimates show at the Sydney Fashion Festival on August 21, 2009. The festival aimed at the public profiles the comtemporary spring-summer collections of local and international fashion brands as these new season's looks arrive into stores throughout the city.   RESTRICTED TO EDITORIAL USE      AFP PHOTO / Greg WOOD (Photo credit should read GREG WOOD/AFP/Getty Images)

A plus-size model parades a design from the Rio label during the ‘Hot in the City’ Intimates show at the Sydney Fashion Festival on August 21, 2009. The festival aimed at the public profiles the comtemporary spring-summer collections of local and international fashion brands as these new season’s looks arrive into stores throughout the city. RESTRICTED TO EDITORIAL USE AFP PHOTO / Greg WOOD (Photo credit should read GREG WOOD/AFP/Getty Images)

Plus-sized women make such men feel inadequate and embarrassed.

What have they done – or not done – in their personal lives to enable such an abomination to evolve?

People will hurl conjecture right and left at galas and benefits from here to Monte Carlo.

She should know better, and he’s obviously a complete failure as a man, so yes, this physique is a FAIL.

SHARNI VINSON and Kellan Lutz at the Beach at Cronulla New South Wales in Australia

SHARNI VINSON and Kellan Lutz at the Beach at Cronulla New South Wales in Australia

While there remains a small niche market for this look – particularly among men who get off on physically dominating the look and feel of 12-year-old boys – it is less common than you might imagine.

Irina Shayk for Beach Bunny swimwear campaign Take Me to Rio-passion4luxury-19

Finally, we have what most men in the above demographic consider a woman prepped to sell.

She is fit, but overly so. “Toned, but not muscular” is the way is usually described.

Her bathing suit looks the way the fashion designer envisioned it on a woman, and furthermore, she would look great in basically everything “couture” on the planet.

Perceptions of him – his status, in particular – soars.

He’s now arrived and she gets the house.

Yea, there’s a downside to everything.

~~~

HOW TO MAINTAIN “OBJECT” STATUS

Women who go down this road know what they have to sacrifice in order to get it right.

First, they have to start out with the right facial and body structure.

There is some wiggle room here, so don’t freak out just yet.

From this point forward, the hard work begins.

Tenet #1: Counting calories is as much a part of life as breathing, preferably no more than 1200 a day.

For me 1200 calories doesn’t even cover breakfast, but whatever.

Tenet #2: In order to maintain the obligatory year-round tan and flawless skin, you need the right skincare products and 100% sunblock.

Understand that women do not tan at a pool. They tan at a salon. There’s a difference.

As for exercising, there is no such thing as running a marathon or any extended outdoor running at all.

It’s fine for teenagers, but once a woman hits her mid-20’s all the sun damage creeps in like a tsunami.

Tenet #4: All exercising must be done indoors – at “pump” classes, Pilates and yoga.

Understand that the look is “toned, but not muscular,” in spite of the fact that this makes no literal sense, since tone is muscle.

But women in “the know” understand the terminology well because they have the blueprint stamped into their DNA.

SUMMARY OF THE BASICS

1] 1200 calories a day

2] Spray on tan and sunblock.

3] Indoor exercise, only.

Got it?

WANT MORE?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3122739/All-day-s-work-Erin-Holland-furiously-flaunts-fabulous-figure-numerous-bikinis-impromptu-photo-shoot-friends-Fiji.html

2996D8FC00000578-3122739-image-m-25_1434203362809

How You “KNOW” You’re Middle-Age: A Primer in Dispelling Stereotypes

Happy mature couple in bed

The article below cites 40 bullet points that claim to determines “middle-age” status:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/28/middle-age_n_3830194.html

Oh Dear God. Here we go…

According the article, the top 40 signs of middle age [55-plus] are as follows.

Notes:

Between each entry are my comments based on personal experience as a middle-age man living in a large metropolitan area.

You may find many of my comments surprising. Or not.

Here’s their list:

1) Losing touch with everyday technology such as tablets and TVs

Comments: This does not apply to me, but it does for others…many others. But most of them are in their 80’s and couldn’t care less.

2) Finding you have no idea what ‘young people’ are talking about

Comments: Again, this doesn’t apply to me because I’m around people of all generations. Disconnecting is a big problem, particularly for older men.

3) Feeling stiff

Comments: I don’t know what “feeling stiff” means in this context, but I have to assume it’s inflexibility, which is not a problem when you stretch, foam roll, and circuit train.

4) Needing an afternoon nap

Comments: On the days I don’t workout I don’t nap. On the days I do, I’m down for the count.

5) Groaning when you bend down

Comments: After dead-lifting hundreds of pounds, the attendant soreness makes me groan just getting out of bed. 

6) Not remembering the name of any modern bands

Comments: I didn’t know there were any modern bands. Most of the bands I listen to still tour.

7) Talking a lot about your joints/ailments

Comments: Everyone who works out talks about ailments because we’re looking for work-a rounds, in most cases. As for going on and on about one bullshit ache and pain after the next, I leave it to the guys who threw up their hands at age 50.

8) Hating noisy pubs

Comments: I don’t go to pubs because I’m not much of a drinker. As for restaurants, I don’t like a lot of noise because I can’t hear the conversations, which is why I’m there in the first place.

9) Getting more hairy -– ears, eyebrows, nose, face etc.

Comments: Yes to all of the above, which is why I make sure that stuff doesn’t get out of control. You have to pay attention. Most older men don’t, hence the punchlines. 

10) Thinking policemen/teachers/doctors look really young

Comments: I have no idea where this came from because my GP is 10 years older than I am and a triathlete. As for teachers and policemen, it never really crossed my mind.

11) Preferring a night in with a board game than a night on the town

Comments: A night in the pool followed by a glass of wine is more like it. When I was single, I’d take the night on the town in a heartbeat.

12) You don’t know any songs in the top ten

Comments: I don’t know any songs in the top ten by name, but I do recognize a Katy Perry song that makes my skin crawl. 

13) Choosing clothes and shoes for comfort rather than style

Comments: I choose shoes with soft soles because they are more comfortable. All of my Prada’s have soft soles.

14) Taking a flask of tea on a day out

Comments: My trainer who’s 35 carries tea around with him, as do a lot of young guys in the gym who want a peak workout. Caffeine is a key ingredient in many sports drinks. I just do the morning coffee and nap when necessary.

15) Obsessive gardening or bird feeding

Comments: I don’t garden, but like trees if that helps.

16) Thinking there is nothing wrong with wearing an anorak

Comments: I didn’t know what an anorak was until I Googled it. But no, I don’t wear one and have no idea why anyone else would, either.

17) Forgetting people’s names

Comments: This has been a problem since high-school, but I’m working on it.

18) Booking on to a cruise

Comments: I hate the idea of being stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean with a bunch of people I don’t know, so no.

19) Misplacing your glasses/bag/car keys etc.

Comments: I’m getting better at this. I started reading this book on mindfulness, which reminded me to try and focus on one thing at a time, rather than 6000.

20) Complaining about the rubbish on television these days

Comments: My name is Jay Rusovich and I am a TV show addict. 

21) Gasping for a cup of tea

Comments: I don’t even know what this means.

22) Getting bed socks for Christmas and being very grateful

Comments: I don’t know the meaning of “bed socks.” But I don’t wear socks in bed because I have blankets.

23) Taking a keen interest in The Antiques Road Show

Comments: I’m into mid-century modern and contemporary.

24) When you start complaining about more things

Comments: When I was in high-school I complained about the lack of freedom to come and go as I pleased. Now I complain about long waits for room service. Tie.

25) Listening to the Archers

Comments: I don’t know what – or who – the Archers are, and refuse to Google it/them.

26) You move from radio one to radio two

Comments: I don’t understand this one at all.

27) Joining the National Trust

Comments: The what?

28) Being told off for politically incorrect opinions

Comments: All the time. Always have.

29) Flogging the family car for something sportier

Comments: I’m childless and living with a woman half my age. There is no “family car.”

30) When you can’t lose six pounds in two days anymore

Comments: I lost 5 pounds of water on a two-hour bike ride yesterday.

31) You get shocked by how racy music videos are

Comments: I assume this is a veiled reference to Miley Cyrus performances, which are tepid compared to the shit I’ve seen, and personally experienced.  

32) Taking a keen interest in the garden

Comments: Knock if off with the garden shit, already.

33) Buying travel sweets for the car

Comments: We carry stuff most people associate with surviving a global apocalypse. “Sweets” are not on that list.

34) Considering going on a ‘no children’ cruise for a holiday

Comments: Why would any adult want to hang out around a bunch of children?

35) When you know your alcohol limit

Comments: I have always known my alcohol limit. My body tells me the same way it did back in college.

36) Obsessively recycling/ knowing the collection dates

Comments: I just watch what the neighbors do. Most of them are actual adults.

37) Always carrying a handy pack of tissues

Comments: WTF?

38) Falling asleep after one glass of wine

Comments: Most people who workout a lot fall asleep after a glass of water.

39) Spending more money on face creams/anti-aging products

Comments: Guilty as charged. But my girlfriend outspends me tenfold.

40) Preferring a Sunday walk to a lie in

Comments: I’ll take the later, thank you. I need a day off once a week.

~ ~ ~

NEED MORE MIDLIFE BASHING? THE HP IS HERE TO HELP, AGAIN…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/05/22/signs-youre-not-as-young-as-you-used-to-be_n_7293432.html

1. You walk into the kitchen to get something but you forget what it was when you get there.

Comments: I remember walking into my college library as a senior and forgetting what book I was looking for – during finals. 

2. Every horizontal surface in your house has a pair of reading glasses on it.

Comments: Both sunglasses and reading glasses, actually.

3. You are regularly asked why you still have a telephone land line.

Comments: The land line is strictly a back-up system. I still don’t know the number. But my 84-year-old mother uses her land line regularly.

4. You carry cash and use it to pay for things.

Comments: If I have a few 5’s in my pocket it’s for valets, not luncheon meat.

5. You still figure out the tip in your head instead of using your phone calculator or an app.

Comments: Since the bill for dinner is usually $150, I tip $30. The day I use an App to calculate 20% to the penny, shoot me.

6. You check the menu online before you eat in a restaurant because you know you won’t be able to see it once you are there.

Comments: I never look at a menu. That’s what waiters are for.

7. You frequently choose restaurants based on their parking situation.

Comments: When you live in a big city, you need valets in order to find a parking space. Why would I walk two blocks to a restaurant? 

8. When you park at the mall, you take a photo of where you left your car.

Comments: I have never heard of anyone doing this, but I assume the writer does.

9. You get invited to parties that start later than you like to go to bed.

Comments: We usually go to bed around midnight, so if the party starts at midnight, we opt out.

10. More than once you’ve grabbed the Ben-Gay thinking it was the toothpaste tube.

Comments: I started wearing readers at 39, and since that time, I can’t count the number of things I’ve squirted in the wrong places. 

11. Loud music bothers you unless you’re the one playing it.

Comments: I get upset if music isn’t loud enough to hear, since I lost a lot of my hearing listening to loud music.

12. You rushed out and bought the iPhone6 Plus and love it — even if your kids mock you.

Comments: I bought the Iphone 6 because the ‘Plus” is the size of my Ipad.

13. You have different glasses for reading, for driving, for the computer and for going to the movies.

Comments: Just readers. Computers apparently don’t affect long distance vision.

14. You no longer rush to the dermatologist over every new sun spot.

Comments: I do, in fact, rush to the dermatologist every time I see a new sun spot. Some things never change.

15. You think people driving the speed limit are driving too fast.

Comments: I pretty much always think people are driving too slow.

16. You see items from your youth on “Antiques Roadshow” — going for top dollar.

Comments: Yea, I agree with this one.

17. You prefer a coffee maker with just an on/off switch.

Comments: I like having options, which is why I use the timer. But a simple “on-off” is good, too. 

18. You understand that the only toppings on a pizza should be cheese and pepperoni.

Comments: The only ingredients I don’t use are cheese and pepperoni.

19. You can’t pronounce quinoa.

Comments: KEENWAH. Happy?

20. Kale will always be just a salad bar decoration to you.

Comments: Kale gets stuck in my teeth, which is why it’s often just decoration.

21. Shaving your legs is something you do only when going to the beach or a pool party.

Comments: No, I shave them all the time. So does my girlfriend.

22. You eyebrows turn white, if you have any eyebrows left.

Comments: Yup, whitish, but full.

23. Buying a new appliance makes you happy.

Comments: Who doesn’t love new appliances?

24. You fall asleep whenever you try to watch TV.

Comments: I have never fallen asleep watching television, but my girlfriend does it all the time, and she’s half my age.

25. You pick movies based on the theaters with fully reclining seats.

Comments: I don’t like sitting in dark rooms filled with complete strangers.

26. You begin to “get” cruises.

Comments: I’ve never been on a cruise and never intend to.

27. You wear your Fitbit to the mall and immediately check how far you’ve just walked.

Comments: My Fitbit is still sitting on my desk after giving me wrist rash.

28. You don’t have operations anymore; you have “procedures.”

Comments: The difference between an operation and a procedure is anesthesia. If I have to go under, I’m having an operation.

29. You wish your doctor took the laxatives that he gives you as pre-colonoscopy prep.

Comments: I don’t care what my doctor takes as long as he’s not tripping during the procedure.

30. The first thing you look for in an obituary is the person’s age and what killed them.

Comments: I don’t read obituaries unless I’m doing research.

31. You remember when you used to think having hemorrhoids was a big deal.

Comments: I’ve never had hemorrhoids.

32. Your idea of a great date night involves take-out food and Netflix.

Comments: I’m on board with this one.

33. When you come upon old photos of yourself, you think “I was so thin then.” All the time.

Comments: I was very thin back then, and lucky not to be locked up.

34. You are a big fan of yellow sticky notes.

Comments: I use pink ones.

35. You cut off the wine early enough to take the sleeping aid.

Comments: When I take a sleep aid, it’s with frozen fruit, a slice of low fat cheese and some pita chips.

36. You wonder when exactly it was that liberal you became a fiscal conservative.

Comments: I’ve always considered myself a fiscal conservative, even when I didn’t have a dime. 

37. Public transportation makes you uneasy.

Comments: What’s public transportation? 

38. You understand why people pay to upgrade their seat on planes.

Comments: So does Justin Bieber. 

39. Running shoes are your go-to footwear — and not for running.

Comments: I would generally agree with this one.

40. You buy drugstore hair coloring by the case when it’s on sale.

Comments: The only thing I get by the case is pet food.

41. You’ve had conversations with friends about the best source of bran.

Comments: I have never had a conversation about bran.

42. You know first-hand that generics aren’t as good as the real deal.

Comments: If the generics work, I buy them. If not, I buy the name brands.

43. You pour egg whites into your coffee thinking it was fat-free creamer.

Comments: Seriously?

44. Your kids are all taller than you.

Comments: None of the animals in this house are taller than me.

45. You do some mental math before adopting a new puppy or kitten.

Comments: No I just grab whatever’s dragging garbage across the street.

46. You say things like, “My next house won’t have so many stairs.”

Comments: I said this 20 years ago and still have a lot of stairs.

47. You can’t remember the last time you fell asleep and stayed asleep all night.

Comments: I usually sleep through the night. If not, I don’t remember waking.

48. You are finally remembering which is Medicare and which is Medicaid.

Comments: I still have to Google it.

49. Hotels no longer ask to actually see your AARP card before they give you a discounted rate.

Comments: Hotels never offer me a discount of any kind. In fact, most of them pad the bill.

50. You swear your feet are growing wider — because they are.

Comments: If my feet are wider it’s because I have more lean muscle mass, which would make anyone’s feet wider. Large animals have big feet, too. 

SUMMARY

Folks, I could go on and on with this crap until the sun dies.

People love stereotyping Baby Boomers; putting millions of us into neat little boxes that can be stacked on shelves and labelled.

But what happens when you don’t fit the stereotypes?

You put a smile on your face and middle finger in the air.

Skinny, Lanky and Long: The Go-To Look in Certain Circles

1058-bless-ed-are-the-meek-Skeletal-Dress-for-Women-1

The Country Club aesthetic.

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The athletic aesthetic.

~ ~ ~

I don’t know exactly where women got off track [or men became so fetishistic about anorexia], but the go-to aesthetic for successful older men appears to be very thin physiques.

I have several theories, which I know you just can’t wait to hear. [ahem…]

1] Many successful, older men were once wormy little bean counters nobody paid much attention to until they sold their shares of stock in the company they gave 20 years of their lives building, and then retired, divorced…and reinvented themselves as superheroes.

Such men prefer women who don’t remind them of what they once were, particularly now that they’re rich, entitled, and bigger than life.

Mindful of this, smaller women are less threatening, which feeds the man’s delusions of grandeur.

2] Successful older men who once played pro football and now own car dealerships tend to like physically small women because they crave control, and like knowing that the woman is submissive and willing to maintain the physique of a 12-year-old boy in exchange for lifestyle.

3] Couture fashion designs look better on small-framed women, which is a slam-dunk for galas, benefits and cocktail affairs of the rich and powerful where men parade their women like goats in Prada.

4] There is a notion floating around the collective unconscious of this socioeconomic niche that thin women are more cultured, educated, and generally speaking, intelligent.

This conveys to others in his world that she is in his arms by divine provenance.

In other words, if he didn’t himself possess the same qualities, she wouldn’t be with him.

5] Sex, Sex, Sex: Smaller woman make men look and feel bigger, which is a massive turn-on for men with control issues [most of them].  

And while there exists in smaller numbers a closeted fetish for fuller-figured women with big asses, but most of them keep such fantasies in the closet alongside everything else they keep in there.

As for the men who truly crave nothing but very thin frames, they like knowing they can throw them around like rag dolls.

6] Reflecting the psychopathology of this aesthetic, women tell their personal trainers they want “tone, not muscle,” which only makes sense if you’re in this culture zone.

What they mean by this is they want a long, lean, low-fat figure that sells well in country clubs, and has store clerks tripping all over themselves at places like Chanel.

Men in possession of such women want a comprehensive “package” that never changes for the rest of their mortal lives, that’s all.

~ ~ ~

NOTES

The woman in the second photograph is fit and muscular.

Unfortunately, her legs are too big for many high-end fashion designs, which means she can’t wear them; a clear breach of protocol.

Personally, the woman in the below photograph would be a slam-dunk for me, but I happen to like athletic women in Lycra because she could hold her own with me in a street fight against several assailants.

My perspective is obviously warped.