“Dad Bod” is the Key to Invisibility [Irony, Notwithstanding]

A “normal” overweight 59 year old male. 205 lbs and 5.11″ BMI is 28.6 or just under Obese at 30.

Scott Olson, winner of the Masters 60+ division of the 2014 CrossFit Games!!!

This is me, a fit 59 year old male. 6’1″ and 230 lbs. 14% body fat – and drug free!

No Testosterone supplementation.

No HGH.

No Anabolic Steroids.

Just hard work and discipline.

I’ll explain why men in my demographic would rather put a bullet in their heads than look like the first guy.

~~~

OVERVIEW

There are certain areas of the country where looking “normal” is considered normal.

While traveling during my years as a professional photographer, I noticed fat farms mostly in small communities, where having a 400–pound wife was considered a “bigger bang for the buck,” and husbands with pregnant guts were simply men of “healthy appetites.”

Needless to say, this mindset insured that everyone stayed out of shape…and home where they belonged.

SIDE NOTE

There are smaller cities like New Orleans where a daily diet of fried foods and vodka-martini nightcaps are indicators of “healthy lifestyle choices.”

It’s among a few places in America where alcoholism and type 2 diabetes are considered a normal part of the aging process.

In places like Houston and Los Angeles [to name just a couple], being grossly overweight – or overweight at all – is unacceptable.

The only obese people I ever see are suffering a psychiatric disability or some form of head trauma.

Note: Our version of obesity is anorexia, which is considered acceptable in big cities.

Digressions aside, obese people are often heard using the “thyroid” argument to justify [or explain] their conditions, but it’s usually dismissed because everyone already knows from TV that POW’s with thyroid problems are still rail thin.

The only people who get away with obesity are billionaires who spend all their time around hookers who find them irresistible.

ANOTHER RELATED NOTE

It is common to see suburban daughters of obese men lovin’ on their dad bods.

But the innuendo is demeaning, not that anyone openly acknowledges it because the fading dad feels loved – while the daughter, worshiped.

It’s a simple equation.

Everything in its right place in time.

I’m young + you’re old = my girlfriends are off limits.

CONCLUSION

When you enter your 50’s, the first thing you start hearing about is how you need to slow down, moderate your physical activity.

After all, you don’t want to risk “injuring your back.”

Of course, it’s the other way around, as anyone who works out hard eventually learns.

Then we’re hammered with TV ads stereotyping us as feeble and resigned.

I can’t count the number of actors in pharmaceutical ads who play Pillsbury Dough Boys on golf courses in the company of matronly “wives” who look like they could play stand-in for their mothers.

This is NOT reality as I know it, and it shouldn’t be for you.

Don’t accept the defeatist mantra that sucks you into the BIG PHARMA bandwagon before your time.

Fire physicians who tell you to slow down when you have no reason to do so other than fear.

Burn your golf shirts and pleated khakis and get under some weights.

Old age is decades away. Your time isn’t up.

If anything, it’s a new beginning. A new chapter. New rules of engagement.

Your life doesn’t end just because the calendar says your time came and went.

If that’s the case, you’ve got a lot of time ahead of you to be miserable.

If that’s what you want, go for it.

Remember: It’s a choice, not a physical reality.

The sooner you wake up with this mantra in your head, the sooner you’ll be doing wall-balls and push-ups at 78.

I know quite a few men like this who could kick your sorry asses to the curb.

ACCEPT NOTHING UNTIL YOU’RE DEAD, then you can come to terms with certain limitations.

“Aging Gracefully” is a Contradiction in Terms

How does she do it?

http://celebritypost.net/christie-brinkley-plastic-surgery/

No one ages gracefully.

Just compare a well “maintained” woman of 60 with that of a dime store cashier of the same age, and it appears to be two entirely different species.

SF Chronicle columnist Rob Morse, refers to what it takes to win the battle of aging as “ritual mutilation of the wealthy.”

But regardless what he and other social critics have to say about the sad state of today’s supposedly enlightened women, no one in their right mind is going to fall apart in front of their friends if they want repeat invitations to cocktail parties and galas.

It’s kind of like not owning the right shoes and handbags, for God’s sake.

Of course, unlike like shoes and handbags, the old mantra “you can never have too many” doesn’t work as well on the operating table.

Profile of an Aging Narcissist

Socialite Fraudster Edward Davenport [Google him]

When you’re young and beautiful, the world can kiss your ass.

You have nothing to prove that isn’t already obvious, which is plenty enough.

But as you get older and your sense of self-worth [as a man] is tied largely to your lifelong accomplishments [including the ones in your own head], the prospect of fading “relevance” becomes terrifying.

Now what?

This juncture marks the onset of what I refer to as the narcissists crucible, “a place of occasion or test of severe trial” where anything can, and usually will manifest in order to keep the boat from sinking like a jackhammer.

Note: The following is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event. It just seems like it does.

My name is Aristotle “Ari” Lazarov of Monaco, and I am a clinical narcissist. My 5th wife, Christina, is my enabler. Together we have 12 children.

Note: What I narcissists would admit so I wouldn’t have to run an intervention on their delusions.

I have a wonderful relationship with all my ex-wives because it behooves social climbers to keep their mouths shut.

Needless to say, they have nothing to stand on without party invitations, and therefore, everything to lose.

Note: He should know.

I am an extraordinarily good-looking man in spite of my age [which changes every 5 minutes, or just stays where it is for years at a time].

Note: Narcissists never fail to compliment themselves.

I dine at the right restaurants, drive the right cars, belong to the right clubs, know the right people, and wear acceptable designer apparel recognized by people who know and appreciate the finer things in life.

Note: He never wears anything that people who host photo-op-worthy cocktail parties and fundraisers might find distasteful, since party invitations are the lifeblood of his existence.

I stay in top physical condition through regular workouts with my personal trainer. I also maintain healthy eating habits, and take herbal testosterone that replenishes everything stolen by age, about which I remain in denial.

Note: It’s a simple equation, really.

I have a home in Houston, an apartment in NYC, and a family compound outside Paris.

Note: Doesn’t everyone?

The other specifics of my life are up to you and your imagination. If I’ve been successful, you’ll imagine big.

Note: The narcissist stays light on the details and heavy on innuendo to keep the fantasies alive long after death, which is just as important as life in most cases.

~~~

My name is Christina Lazarov, wife to my handsome and successful husband, Aristotle.

Note: I’m an enabler, remember?

Whatever my last name used to be is irrelevant because my life back then was irrelevant […not that it doesn’t haunt me in the middle of the night when I remember feeling something rather than nothing at all].

Note: This is something she should have broached in therapy, but because therapists lean in the direction of healing, she found a Pilates instructor.

Now my world is glamorous [pretentious], transcendent [privileged], and blissful [spaced-out], as everyone who’s anyone knows.

Note: Reflection [aka external affirmation] is heroin to any Stepford Wife with a working knowledge of the Devil’s Crossroads.

SUMMARY

1] Aging narcissist-socialites attend parties for the photo ops, not for the charities themselves.

In fact, many of them don’t even know the charities they’re attending, given the number of stops one must make on a particular night, particularly during cultural season.

“Oh is this the Opera gala? Of course it is!”

2] Old money doesn’t want the publicity.

New money can’t live without it.

Note the outrageously expensive and pretentious automobiles cars lined up in perfect formation in front of gold digging establishments.

Money is thrown around like party favors. Think of it as a carbon credit for people who don’t know better.

3] The aging narcissist sits on the fence between old and new, driving cars that are expensive, but not pretentious.

Wearing clothing that is stylish, but not trendy and/and garish.

And generally behaving in a manner reflective of sophistication and cultural maturity, in spits of the fact that it’s a ruse.

In this sense, they’re the lowest of the low because no one has any idea who they really are, including themselves.

I could go on.

Back to the Future

Clint Eastwood, happy 85th

William Shatner, happy 84th

The man you now know as “Raymond Reddington,” happy 55th

Chevy Chase, happy 71st

Gary Oldham, happy 57th

Robert Redford, happy 78th

Martin Sheen, happy 74th

Jeff Bridges, happy 65th

Jay Rusovich [me], happy 59th

~~~

When I was growing up this is what these guys looked like, myself included.

We no longer look this way, but it’s important to note that all of us travel through life in the same progression.

We all know what youth looked and felt like, because at one time, we were also maladjusted teenagers pulling figure-8’s on someone’s golf course in the middle of the night.

I bring this up also because in spite of the fact that youth is still a middle-aged man’s most precious commodity, I never appreciated it until it was gone.

Now I pay through the teeth for it.

The Beauty-Status Exchange

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/07/the-myth-of-buying-beauty/374414/

The Beauty-Status relationship is analogous to lines and performance in sports cars.

And speaking of sports cars, there’s always a faster one.

~~~

What I’m about to illustrate will probably irritate most women who resent objectification, but it may help mitigate the anger through acceptance that men are superficial first, human second.

THE MALE DEMOGRAPHIC

1] Big cities

2] Educated

3] Worldly

4] “Rich”

5] Baby-Boomers

Three [3] female body types and how men of the above demographic respond to each:

While no one could possibly argue that this woman isn’t insanely fit, most would find her too muscular for cocktail attire.

Imagine her in Prada and the discussion is closed.

She’s out of place anywhere other than a gym, which is not where most of these men spend the majority of their lives.

She is also impossible to physically control, which challenges a CEO’s self-perception as natural born leader.

A plus-size model parades a design from the Rio label during the ‘Hot in the City’ Intimates show at the Sydney Fashion Festival on August 21, 2009. The festival aimed at the public profiles the comtemporary spring-summer collections of local and international fashion brands as these new season’s looks arrive into stores throughout the city. RESTRICTED TO EDITORIAL USE AFP PHOTO / Greg WOOD (Photo credit should read GREG WOOD/AFP/Getty Images)

Plus-sized women make such men feel inadequate and embarrassed.

What have they done – or not done – in their personal lives to enable such an abomination to evolve?

People will hurl conjecture right and left at galas and benefits from here to Monte Carlo.

She should know better, and he’s obviously a complete failure as a man, so yes, this physique is a FAIL.

SHARNI VINSON and Kellan Lutz at the Beach at Cronulla New South Wales in Australia

While there remains a small niche market for this look – particularly among men who get off on physically dominating the look and feel of 12-year-old boys – it is less common than you might imagine.

Finally, we have what most men in the above demographic consider a woman prepped to sell.

She is fit, but overly so. “Toned, but not muscular” is the way is usually described.

Her bathing suit looks the way the fashion designer envisioned it on a woman, and furthermore, she would look great in basically everything “couture” on the planet.

Perceptions of him – his status, in particular – soars.

He’s now arrived and she gets the house.

Yea, there’s a downside to everything.

~~~

HOW TO MAINTAIN “OBJECT” STATUS

Women who go down this road know what they have to sacrifice in order to get it right.

First, they have to start out with the right facial and body structure.

There is some wiggle room here, so don’t freak out just yet.

From this point forward, the hard work begins.

Tenet #1: Counting calories is as much a part of life as breathing, preferably no more than 1200 a day.

For me 1200 calories doesn’t even cover breakfast, but whatever.

Tenet #2: In order to maintain the obligatory year-round tan and flawless skin, you need the right skincare products and 100% sunblock.

Understand that women do not tan at a pool. They tan at a salon. There’s a difference.

As for exercising, there is no such thing as running a marathon or any extended outdoor running at all.

It’s fine for teenagers, but once a woman hits her mid-20’s all the sun damage creeps in like a tsunami.

Tenet #4: All exercising must be done indoors – at “pump” classes, Pilates and yoga.

Understand that the look is “toned, but not muscular,” in spite of the fact that this makes no literal sense, since tone is muscle.

But women in “the know” understand the terminology well because they have the blueprint stamped into their DNA.

SUMMARY OF THE BASICS

1] 1200 calories a day

2] Spray on tan and sunblock.

3] Indoor exercise, only.

Got it?

WANT MORE?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3122739/All-day-s-work-Erin-Holland-furiously-flaunts-fabulous-figure-numerous-bikinis-impromptu-photo-shoot-friends-Fiji.html

How You “KNOW” You’re Middle-Age: A Primer in Dispelling Stereotypes

The article below cites 40 bullet points that claim to determines “middle-age” status:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/28/middle-age_n_3830194.html

Oh Dear God. Here we go…

According the article, the top 40 signs of middle age [55-plus] are as follows.

Notes:

Between each entry are my comments based on personal experience as a middle-age man living in a large metropolitan area.

You may find many of my comments surprising. Or not.

Here’s their list:

1) Losing touch with everyday technology such as tablets and TVs

Comments: This does not apply to me, but it does for others…many others. But most of them are in their 80’s and couldn’t care less.

2) Finding you have no idea what ‘young people’ are talking about

Comments: Again, this doesn’t apply to me because I’m around people of all generations. Disconnecting is a big problem, particularly for older men.

3) Feeling stiff

Comments: I don’t know what “feeling stiff” means in this context, but I have to assume it’s inflexibility, which is not a problem when you stretch, foam roll, and circuit train.

4) Needing an afternoon nap

Comments: On the days I don’t workout I don’t nap. On the days I do, I’m down for the count.

5) Groaning when you bend down

Comments: After dead-lifting hundreds of pounds, the attendant soreness makes me groan just getting out of bed.

6) Not remembering the name of any modern bands

Comments: I didn’t know there were any modern bands. Most of the bands I listen to still tour.

7) Talking a lot about your joints/ailments

Comments: Everyone who works out talks about ailments because we’re looking for work-a rounds, in most cases. As for going on and on about one bullshit ache and pain after the next, I leave it to the guys who threw up their hands at age 50.

8) Hating noisy pubs

Comments: I don’t go to pubs because I’m not much of a drinker. As for restaurants, I don’t like a lot of noise because I can’t hear the conversations, which is why I’m there in the first place.

9) Getting more hairy -– ears, eyebrows, nose, face etc.

Comments: Yes to all of the above, which is why I make sure that stuff doesn’t get out of control. You have to pay attention. Most older men don’t, hence the punchlines.

10) Thinking policemen/teachers/doctors look really young

Comments: I have no idea where this came from because my GP is 10 years older than I am and a triathlete. As for teachers and policemen, it never really crossed my mind.

11) Preferring a night in with a board game than a night on the town

Comments: A night in the pool followed by a glass of wine is more like it. When I was single, I’d take the night on the town in a heartbeat.

12) You don’t know any songs in the top ten

Comments: I don’t know any songs in the top ten by name, but I do recognize a Katy Perry song that makes my skin crawl.

13) Choosing clothes and shoes for comfort rather than style

Comments: I choose shoes with soft soles because they are more comfortable. All of my Prada’s have soft soles.

14) Taking a flask of tea on a day out

Comments: My trainer who’s 35 carries tea around with him, as do a lot of young guys in the gym who want a peak workout. Caffeine is a key ingredient in many sports drinks. I just do the morning coffee and nap when necessary.

15) Obsessive gardening or bird feeding

Comments: I don’t garden, but like trees if that helps.

16) Thinking there is nothing wrong with wearing an anorak

Comments: I didn’t know what an anorak was until I Googled it. But no, I don’t wear one and have no idea why anyone else would, either.

17) Forgetting people’s names

Comments: This has been a problem since high-school, but I’m working on it.

18) Booking on to a cruise

Comments: I hate the idea of being stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean with a bunch of people I don’t know, so no.

19) Misplacing your glasses/bag/car keys etc.

Comments: I’m getting better at this. I started reading this book on mindfulness, which reminded me to try and focus on one thing at a time, rather than 6000.

20) Complaining about the rubbish on television these days

Comments: My name is Jay Rusovich and I am a TV show addict.

21) Gasping for a cup of tea

Comments: I don’t even know what this means.

22) Getting bed socks for Christmas and being very grateful

Comments: I don’t know the meaning of “bed socks.” But I don’t wear socks in bed because I have blankets.

23) Taking a keen interest in The Antiques Road Show

Comments: I’m into mid-century modern and contemporary.

24) When you start complaining about more things

Comments: When I was in high-school I complained about the lack of freedom to come and go as I pleased. Now I complain about long waits for room service. Tie.

25) Listening to the Archers

Comments: I don’t know what – or who – the Archers are, and refuse to Google it/them.

26) You move from radio one to radio two

Comments: I don’t understand this one at all.

27) Joining the National Trust

Comments: The what?

28) Being told off for politically incorrect opinions

Comments: All the time. Always have.

29) Flogging the family car for something sportier

Comments: I’m childless and living with a woman half my age. There is no “family car.”

30) When you can’t lose six pounds in two days anymore

Comments: I lost 5 pounds of water on a two-hour bike ride yesterday.

31) You get shocked by how racy music videos are

Comments: I assume this is a veiled reference to Miley Cyrus performances, which are tepid compared to the shit I’ve seen, and personally experienced.

32) Taking a keen interest in the garden

Comments: Knock if off with the garden shit, already.

33) Buying travel sweets for the car

Comments: We carry stuff most people associate with surviving a global apocalypse. “Sweets” are not on that list.

34) Considering going on a ‘no children’ cruise for a holiday

Comments: Why would any adult want to hang out around a bunch of children?

35) When you know your alcohol limit

Comments: I have always known my alcohol limit. My body tells me the same way it did back in college.

36) Obsessively recycling/ knowing the collection dates

Comments: I just watch what the neighbors do. Most of them are actual adults.

37) Always carrying a handy pack of tissues

Comments: WTF?

38) Falling asleep after one glass of wine

Comments: Most people who workout a lot fall asleep after a glass of water.

39) Spending more money on face creams/anti-aging products

Comments: Guilty as charged. But my girlfriend outspends me tenfold.

40) Preferring a Sunday walk to a lie in

Comments: I’ll take the later, thank you. I need a day off once a week.

~ ~ ~

NEED MORE MIDLIFE BASHING? THE HP IS HERE TO HELP, AGAIN…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/05/22/signs-youre-not-as-young-as-you-used-to-be_n_7293432.html

1. You walk into the kitchen to get something but you forget what it was when you get there.

Comments: I remember walking into my college library as a senior and forgetting what book I was looking for – during finals.

2. Every horizontal surface in your house has a pair of reading glasses on it.

Comments: Both sunglasses and reading glasses, actually.

3. You are regularly asked why you still have a telephone land line.

Comments: The land line is strictly a back-up system. I still don’t know the number. But my 84-year-old mother uses her land line regularly.

4. You carry cash and use it to pay for things.

Comments: If I have a few 5’s in my pocket it’s for valets, not luncheon meat.

5. You still figure out the tip in your head instead of using your phone calculator or an app.

Comments: Since the bill for dinner is usually $150, I tip $30. The day I use an App to calculate 20% to the penny, shoot me.

6. You check the menu online before you eat in a restaurant because you know you won’t be able to see it once you are there.

Comments: I never look at a menu. That’s what waiters are for.

7. You frequently choose restaurants based on their parking situation.

Comments: When you live in a big city, you need valets in order to find a parking space. Why would I walk two blocks to a restaurant?

8. When you park at the mall, you take a photo of where you left your car.

Comments: I have never heard of anyone doing this, but I assume the writer does.

9. You get invited to parties that start later than you like to go to bed.

Comments: We usually go to bed around midnight, so if the party starts at midnight, we opt out.

10. More than once you’ve grabbed the Ben-Gay thinking it was the toothpaste tube.

Comments: I started wearing readers at 39, and since that time, I can’t count the number of things I’ve squirted in the wrong places.

11. Loud music bothers you unless you’re the one playing it.

Comments: I get upset if music isn’t loud enough to hear, since I lost a lot of my hearing listening to loud music.

12. You rushed out and bought the iPhone6 Plus and love it — even if your kids mock you.

Comments: I bought the Iphone 6 because the ‘Plus” is the size of my Ipad.

13. You have different glasses for reading, for driving, for the computer and for going to the movies.

Comments: Just readers. Computers apparently don’t affect long distance vision.

14. You no longer rush to the dermatologist over every new sun spot.

Comments: I do, in fact, rush to the dermatologist every time I see a new sun spot. Some things never change.

15. You think people driving the speed limit are driving too fast.

Comments: I pretty much always think people are driving too slow.

16. You see items from your youth on “Antiques Roadshow” — going for top dollar.

Comments: Yea, I agree with this one.

17. You prefer a coffee maker with just an on/off switch.

Comments: I like having options, which is why I use the timer. But a simple “on-off” is good, too.

18. You understand that the only toppings on a pizza should be cheese and pepperoni.

Comments: The only ingredients I don’t use are cheese and pepperoni.

19. You can’t pronounce quinoa.

Comments: KEENWAH. Happy?

20. Kale will always be just a salad bar decoration to you.

Comments: Kale gets stuck in my teeth, which is why it’s often just decoration.

21. Shaving your legs is something you do only when going to the beach or a pool party.

Comments: No, I shave them all the time. So does my girlfriend.

22. You eyebrows turn white, if you have any eyebrows left.

Comments: Yup, whitish, but full.

23. Buying a new appliance makes you happy.

Comments: Who doesn’t love new appliances?

24. You fall asleep whenever you try to watch TV.

Comments: I have never fallen asleep watching television, but my girlfriend does it all the time, and she’s half my age.

25. You pick movies based on the theaters with fully reclining seats.

Comments: I don’t like sitting in dark rooms filled with complete strangers.

26. You begin to “get” cruises.

Comments: I’ve never been on a cruise and never intend to.

27. You wear your Fitbit to the mall and immediately check how far you’ve just walked.

Comments: My Fitbit is still sitting on my desk after giving me wrist rash.

28. You don’t have operations anymore; you have “procedures.”

Comments: The difference between an operation and a procedure is anesthesia. If I have to go under, I’m having an operation.

29. You wish your doctor took the laxatives that he gives you as pre-colonoscopy prep.

Comments: I don’t care what my doctor takes as long as he’s not tripping during the procedure.

30. The first thing you look for in an obituary is the person’s age and what killed them.

Comments: I don’t read obituaries unless I’m doing research.

31. You remember when you used to think having hemorrhoids was a big deal.

Comments: I’ve never had hemorrhoids.

32. Your idea of a great date night involves take-out food and Netflix.

Comments: I’m on board with this one.

33. When you come upon old photos of yourself, you think “I was so thin then.” All the time.

Comments: I was very thin back then, and lucky not to be locked up.

34. You are a big fan of yellow sticky notes.

Comments: I use pink ones.

35. You cut off the wine early enough to take the sleeping aid.

Comments: When I take a sleep aid, it’s with frozen fruit, a slice of low fat cheese and some pita chips.

36. You wonder when exactly it was that liberal you became a fiscal conservative.

Comments: I’ve always considered myself a fiscal conservative, even when I didn’t have a dime.

37. Public transportation makes you uneasy.

Comments: What’s public transportation?

38. You understand why people pay to upgrade their seat on planes.

Comments: So does Justin Bieber.

39. Running shoes are your go-to footwear — and not for running.

Comments: I would generally agree with this one.

40. You buy drugstore hair coloring by the case when it’s on sale.

Comments: The only thing I get by the case is pet food.

41. You’ve had conversations with friends about the best source of bran.

Comments: I have never had a conversation about bran.

42. You know first-hand that generics aren’t as good as the real deal.

Comments: If the generics work, I buy them. If not, I buy the name brands.

43. You pour egg whites into your coffee thinking it was fat-free creamer.

Comments: Seriously?

44. Your kids are all taller than you.

Comments: None of the animals in this house are taller than me.

45. You do some mental math before adopting a new puppy or kitten.

Comments: No I just grab whatever’s dragging garbage across the street.

46. You say things like, “My next house won’t have so many stairs.”

Comments: I said this 20 years ago and still have a lot of stairs.

47. You can’t remember the last time you fell asleep and stayed asleep all night.

Comments: I usually sleep through the night. If not, I don’t remember waking.

48. You are finally remembering which is Medicare and which is Medicaid.

Comments: I still have to Google it.

49. Hotels no longer ask to actually see your AARP card before they give you a discounted rate.

Comments: Hotels never offer me a discount of any kind. In fact, most of them pad the bill.

50. You swear your feet are growing wider — because they are.

Comments: If my feet are wider it’s because I have more lean muscle mass, which would make anyone’s feet wider. Large animals have big feet, too.

SUMMARY

Folks, I could go on and on with this crap until the sun dies.

People love stereotyping Baby Boomers; putting millions of us into neat little boxes that can be stacked on shelves and labelled.

But what happens when you don’t fit the stereotypes?

You put a smile on your face and middle finger in the air.

When Did Bad Service Go Airborne?

Every heard the term “Coffee shop attitude?”

If not, I’m sure you know all about bad service, whether it’s a stoner serving coffee, or say, a plumber with a house note and problems with his wife that you need to hear all about.

These days, if I want great service I have to pay the highest price imaginable for it.

If I’m traveling, I have to choose – for example – Ritz Carlton, a company that trains its employees in the fine art of great customer service.

Of course, I’m looking at $500.00/night on up for said service, but it’s well worth it given the alternative.

If I want a great overall dining experience with air-conditioning and hand towels, I have to pick the most expensive place in a given city or I put up with cultural flu.

How exactly does this ‘attitude’ play out?

Simple:

WAITER

“You [the customer] make me feel like giving a shit. If you’re successful I’ll pass you a plate without dropping it in your lap.”

In the case of a plumber [and I use ‘plumbing’ randomly], you have to offer restroom facilities, cold drinks and sometimes gas money to Home Depot when they don’t have the part they need on their trucks.

When did this all this crap start? The entitlement?

I remember when plumbers, waiter, electricians, gardeners – suppliers of every kind – were appreciative and polite to their customers.

It’s how they got what was once known as repeat business.

As kids we were taught that the nicer you were to your customers, the more money you made.

It seemed pretty simple at the time.

But today, people resent serving anyone who doesn’t kiss their butts – as if we [the people paying for their services] owe them special treatment for assisting us in exchange for our money.

Obviously, people are feeling more and more invisible in a world where respect is a birthright, not something earned.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’m older, more successful, and, generally speaking, more experienced that I expect more.

But in the end it doesn’t matter what the rationale is.

What does matter is where they’ll be in ten years when cleaning dishes is no longer cool.

Note: This discussion is slightly off topic, but I couldn’t help myself after some moron at an organic hamburger joint was too stoned to understand the meaning of “I’d like a hamburger with lettuce wrap and sweet potato fries” all in the same sentence.

By the way, I want to smack that douche in the photograph above, and I know you do, too.

Age Stereotypes? Think Again.

78-year-old skateboarder, Lloyd Kahn [above].

When I was back in my 40’s, I remember a 54-year-old guy telling me that, in no uncertain terms, life as he once knew it was “gone.”

He was referring to his once athletic frame, now reduced to a 3rd-term pregnant midsection and shoulder slope that reminded me of someone in the advanced stages of spinal stenosis.

Ten years later I happened to run into this once over-the-hill man and barely recognized him.

At age 64, the guy had literally transformed himself into an exemplary specimen of health.

He revealed to me that he’d hit rock bottom in his personal life, and that as a retired professional, he was bored and depressed.

“Debilitating depression” is the way he phrased it.

Retired too early. Kids gone. Marriage hum-drum. Life a downhill slide.

Imagine decades of this.

No wonder he checked himself into a clinic that specializes in helping men rediscover themselves, and the fire that used to burn white hot.

It obviously worked. And while his marriage didn’t survive the ordeal, he did.

Aging is a state of mind that starts innocently enough – a little reality check here and there – but it rapidly escalates into a malignant mindset that kills the spirit that once stole smiles, and filled hearts with love, joy…and hope.

WHY WOULD ANYONE WILLINGLY LET THIS GO?

No one should ever allow anyone convince you that you’re too old to do this or that, be this or that.

If you can pull it off, you just raised the bar another notch.

Now they can kiss your ass.

It doesn’t matter that you don’t have the pitching arm you had back in the day.

Buy a skateboard.

Nobody lays claim to what older men can and cannot do, physical disabilities [i.e., old injuries] notwithstanding.

But there are always workarounds.

Physicians are always warning older men to be careful in the gym; to act “responsibly, in deference to their age.”

But those same physicians are at death’s door decades before their time.

Check the source.

For the moment, I’ll leave you with this inspiring article.

I have to go to the gym.

http://www.boredpanda.com/senior-citizen-ageing-stereotypes-age-of-happiness-vladimir-yakovlev/

Have a kick-ass day.

Grumpy Old Man Syndrome, Deconstructed

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carol-e-wyer/men-and-grumpiness_b_5266944.html

Grumpy Old Man Syndrome is not listed in the DSM-V [Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders], but it should be given its level of predictability.

As cited in the Huffington Post article [above], the disorder appears to present in men once they hit the age of 70, and then rapidly escalates until they die – or are poisoned by their wives, I assume.

The article states that “A 70-year-old man is a shadow of his former self – both physically and mentally. He then becomes invisible to those younger than him. He lacks a sense of purpose. He loses his firmness and assertiveness, and shrinks in stature and personality.”

Yea, no shit.

Needless to say, I’m writing about this because we Baby Boomers are next in line.

Just to clear the air of any misconceptions, though, I hereby state unequivocally that “I, Jay Rusovich, will not go down the road of indignity.”

Too bad the same is isn’t true of most guys my age.

In some cases I get that their deterioration is tied to debilitating financial problems.

…i.e., “How the hell do I get back what I lost in 2008?”

But for everyone else, it’s resignation tied to depression.

Their “bad backs” are no excuse for transforming otherwise ambitious and confident men into creeping unics.

I hear about all their aches and pains as the pity party rages, but I know that deep down they realize it only hastens the downhill tumble.

Everything at this stage of the game is in the throes of attrition.

Everything needs to be propped up.

And the moment you take your eyes off the ball, rest assured it’s already down the rabbit hole.

No, you can no longer bounce out of bed like a Cirque performer and then dive into the world on a cup of coffee and a dream.

But you can stretch, have a healthy breakfast, brush your teeth, take a shower, comb whatever hair you have, and walk out of the house knowing that at some point during the course of the day you will hit the gym hard.

After all this time, the gym is the one place I can’t avoid if I want to keep my own life propped up, finances notwithstanding.

And no, it’ not a cakewalk.

No wonder there are legions of walking wounded waiting to die at the hands of lions.

Of course younger people dismiss them outright, stealing fuel from their already dying souls.

I’d rather die myself than live in their condition.

SUMMARY

Irrelevance is the aging man’s crucible.

Using the metaphor for what it is, if you don’t carry the cross to the very end, you’ll die at the foot of the mountain with the rest of the herd.

No one will ever beat me down without a fight. I will go to the wall for myself because there is no one else to lean on at the beginning and end of every day.

The moment I can stand tall I will stand down, at which point you should know that I like long-stem white roses…

Exclusive Health Clubs and the Darwinian Ecosystem

Darwin should have spent more time studying human behavior. It would have made the animal kingdom appear more evolved.

~ ~ ~

Now, what I’m about to say is done so out of the kindness of my heart, notwithstanding the fact that human nature is suspect under most circumstances.

Some of us have enough soul to communicate without ulterior motive, unless you consider lambasting a motive.

Let’s just say that people “acquire” what they can as long as they can get away with it.

“I’m an 18-year-old college coed with a beautiful face and flawless physique. I know that my popularity is tied to these features. And while I may struggle with the fact that physical beauty opens doors before anyone knows my first name, I tend to get over it. For a while, anyway. As I enter my mid-20’s, I notice changes, feel the pressure of expectations that force my hand to make decisions that challenge my ability to simply exist. Now I must do. But I’m addicted to the attention without having to lift a finger, and people now expect me to do something more than present well. Oh shit. Okay, let’s see. I have a degree in Business Administration, so I guess I better start sending out job applications. Seriously? I’m sending out job applications? For what? So I can prove to the world that there is more to me than a pretty face and a perfect ass? Well guess what? It’s changing! I’m changing. My face is not as young as it was as a teenager, and now I have to workout all the friggin’ time to maintain my object status, which I don’t want to forsake for 60 hour workweeks. Oh dear god, what’s happening to me? I need to get married before I miss this opportunity! But I can’t just do that because then I’m just like every other pretty girl who did nothing with her life, but become someone’s wife and a mother to our children. Of course, the neighborhoods and vacations are nice. But I’m not ready to throw in the towel just yet. So I work and date and go to the gym to try to keep it all propped up until I start experiencing radical weight loss, depression and social withdrawal. So I go to therapy, where I discover that women are, in fact, objects, and that I have this one life, this one shot at making it before the flame is gone forever. So I capitulate, marrying a wealthy guy who knows my family. We buy a beautiful hone in a beautiful neighborhood and have two beautiful children. Now I’m 35, divorced with two kids and back on the dating market. I should have stuck with the 60 hour work week…”

More “enlightened” young women at my health club [i.e., less conflicted] embrace their object status and exploit it without mercy.

They come to the gym fully loaded, ready for adventure and excitement under the pretense of training.

Oh, the train. They absolutely train, primarily their butt muscles, which carry enough firepower to land a nest-egg the size of a Volkswagen.

They all know the score. All of us do, both men and women.

It’s why no one falls on the floor when they stretch and grind, particularly women who [on some level] respect their tenacity and focus.

One day, those same women will invite them into their lavish homes, and perhaps, introduce them to men far wealthier than their current husbands.

But as we all know, this is normal, well-adjusted behavior in a world where everything is for sale to the highest bidder.

Young men play a similar game. While they are often heard complaining about all the older men hoarding women their age, they certainly understand the power of money, which cuts through everything like a hot butter knife.

“I’m a 25-year-old guy with a great body and wealthy dad. One day I will inherit his business and the world will be mine. Actually, it already is mine, given the number of women I run through on a weekly basis. I know they appreciate good looks, and it’s always nice to find someone their own age. But what they really want is money. They call it security, but I know what they mean. They don’t want no matter what they tell me because sacrificing looks for business opportunity just isn’t worth jeopardizing the nice house and the country club membership. As for me, I’m just along for the ride. I date them and then forget their names. Marriage, or whatever, isn’t in the cards for me until I’m at least 40, at which point I’ll find the hottest 22-year-old on the planet.”

In both instances, young men and women of this world – of my world – are pragmatic on every level. They know how life works and they leverage everything they have to achieve success as they see it.

This is not as much about love as is about survival of the fittest.

Then they can afford to love all they want.

December 2024
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