Generally speaking, this is a fat-assed nation.
But it’s not the nation I spend my time around.
Most women I know are smart enough to see the correlation between good looks and nicer neighborhoods.
No wonder they all look alike.
Post Category → Journal
Gold-Digger’s Guide to Building Nest Eggs
Holly Madison
Holly Madison Hand Print Ceremony at Planet Hollywood Restaurant at The Forum Shops at Caesars Palace Resort and Casino
Las Vegas, Nevada – 20.02.11
Mandatory Credit: Judy Eddy/WENN.com
Quite clearly, Holly Madison hails from generational wealth and pedigree, and therefore, has no financial motive to date Hugh Hefner.
[…excuse me, I’m choking on the previous sentence…]
Okay, I’ll restate it:
Quite clearly, not every woman wants to pull 60-hour work weeks at #Hooters and still live in a suburban apartment.
Better?
The press from hef’s perspective is below:
~~~
In my world, women like Holly Madison are everywhere.
You kinda get used to seeing them lurking on the perimeter like pilot fish; an annoyance to sharks, but in the human population, a necessary part of the cultural ecosystem.
Note: When something of value exists, there are usually takers willing to exploit opportunity [in this case] under the pretext of love or whatever.
Long story short, she became one of Hef’s girls after being noticed in one of her many “modeling” endeavors.
Then, after many visits, she became his “1 girl” and proceeded to move her things into his bedroom.
During the course of her stay she underwent rhinoplasty and breast augmentation, I assume to cement her position in the Hefner food chain.
She also had a Playboy bunny tattooed on her lower back, and insured her breasts for $1 million [backup, I assume].
In short, Ms. Madison’s lifestyle choices reveal what homicide detectives would refer to as a reliable profile.
~~~
Many older women I know have been through two or three marriages, usually to the same men everyone else marries two or three times.
They get a car [paid for], a severance [one-time payout usually tied to blackmail innuendo], and sometimes, a house [also paid for].
If the sum total of the nest egg isn’t enough to cover expenses, they get back in shape and make another run.
It’s no different than people who move to a different company for better stock options and a more comprehensive dental plan.
The next guy in line buys her a bigger diamond she can pawn down the road.
He might also buy her a more expensive car that she can sell back to a dealership for quick cash.
She can also leverage legal documents in her favor in the event of a divorce.
“In the event that you pick another girl, I get $1 million wire transferred into a blind checking account. Sign here:”
And, of course, for women who manage to nail the whale…children!
If she has children with him [a price many are willing to pay], she’s in the driver’s seat for life.
Understand this is business.
Think of these men as bad businessmen in the context of “love” if it makes you feel better.
Perhaps they should have stayed with the average suburban wife.
But they wanted more and paid the price for a game they were unprepared to win.
Fyi, blindsiding successful businessmen is child’s play in the hands of a seasoned predator.
CEO heads company with tens of thousands of employees and gets taken to the cleaners by high-school dropout with a street degree in survival.
“Part of me suspects that I’m a loser, and the other part of me thinks I’m God Almighty.”
― John Lennon
~~~
What gold-diggers bring to the table [and why affluent older men will often go to the ends of the earth to have them in their lives]:
1] Preternatural physiques.
For the typical 50-60-something man, this is not what his age appropriate wife looks like. This is what he wants his age-appropriate wife to look like. If for whatever reason [age included], she does not, he will often find himself unable to resist the intoxicating allure of his personal trainer.
2] Sexuality of the Devil’s Crossroads kind.
Again, I rarely hear about eroticism in the context of a 20-year marriage. And while I’m sure it exists to one degree or another, it doesn’t look like this. If it did, gold-diggers would be out of business.
3] Youth and Beauty.
This is what a man wants to see in the morning, not a reminder of his own mortality.
This is what staring into the abyss and having it stare right back looks like.
4] Self-Esteem.
It has been demonstrated time and time again that men who partner with beautiful young women experience a commensurate boost in self-esteem. Men who stay with their lifelong partners usually have a mistress in order to stay faithful to their marriages.
5] Relevance
Couch it any way you want, but the fact remains that an older man’s greatest fear is becoming physically irrelevant. Coupling with a younger woman is a shot of adrenalin for a man who’s used to being in the saddle.
SUMMARY
I certainly do not pretend to speak for every successful older man, but what I can tell you, unequivocally, is that nothing charges the blood more than youth and beauty…no matter what the cost.
Just ask Madonna.
Older men and the Midlife Comparison Game No One Wins
Midlife crisis is a term coined in 1965 by Elliott Jaques stating a time where adults come to realize their own mortality and how much time is left in their life.[1] A midlife crisis is experienced by many people during the midlife transition when they realize that life may be more than halfway over. Sometimes, a crisis can be triggered by transitions experienced in these years, such as andropause or menopause, the death of parents or other causes of grief, unemployment or underemployment, realizing that a job or career is hated but not knowing how else to earn an equivalent living, or children leaving home. People may reassess their achievements in terms of their dreams. The result may be a desire to make significant changes in core aspects of day-to-day life or situation, such as in career, work-life balance, marriage, romantic relationships, large expenditures, or physical appearance. – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midlife_crisis
~~~
I’ll just say this: No matter what ambitious, driven men achieve in their lives, the farther away the success sits from the present, the fainter the glow.
TRANSLATION
Men like me never rest on the laurels of the past.
If we’re not producing something of value every day of our lives, we begin to fade to obscurity in our own minds no matter what those around us see.
It’s like a virus that festers like an open wound when we’re dormant.
What animates older men is pride in accomplishment.
But it bears noting that no matter where we are along the chronological ladder, there’s always another step up.
No wonder I’m still in therapy.
“Aging Gracefully” is a Contradiction in Terms
How does she do it?
http://celebritypost.net/christie-brinkley-plastic-surgery/
No one ages gracefully.
Just compare a well “maintained” woman of 60 with that of a dime store cashier of the same age, and it appears to be two entirely different species.
SF Chronicle columnist Rob Morse, refers to what it takes to win the battle of aging as “ritual mutilation of the wealthy.”
But regardless what he and other social critics have to say about the sad state of today’s supposedly enlightened women, no one in their right mind is going to fall apart in front of their friends if they want repeat invitations to cocktail parties and galas.
It’s kind of like not owning the right shoes and handbags, for God’s sake.
Of course, unlike like shoes and handbags, the old mantra “you can never have too many” doesn’t work as well on the operating table.
Profile of an Aging Narcissist
Socialite Fraudster Edward Davenport [Google him]
When you’re young and beautiful, the world can kiss your ass.
You have nothing to prove that isn’t already obvious, which is plenty enough.
But as you get older and your sense of self-worth [as a man] is tied largely to your lifelong accomplishments [including the ones in your own head], the prospect of fading “relevance” becomes terrifying.
Now what?
This juncture marks the onset of what I refer to as the narcissists crucible, “a place of occasion or test of severe trial” where anything can, and usually will manifest in order to keep the boat from sinking like a jackhammer.
Note: The following is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event. It just seems like it does.
My name is Aristotle “Ari” Lazarov of Monaco, and I am a clinical narcissist. My 5th wife, Christina, is my enabler. Together we have 12 children.
Note: What I narcissists would admit so I wouldn’t have to run an intervention on their delusions.
I have a wonderful relationship with all my ex-wives because it behooves social climbers to keep their mouths shut.
Needless to say, they have nothing to stand on without party invitations, and therefore, everything to lose.
Note: He should know.
I am an extraordinarily good-looking man in spite of my age [which changes every 5 minutes, or just stays where it is for years at a time].
Note: Narcissists never fail to compliment themselves.
I dine at the right restaurants, drive the right cars, belong to the right clubs, know the right people, and wear acceptable designer apparel recognized by people who know and appreciate the finer things in life.
Note: He never wears anything that people who host photo-op-worthy cocktail parties and fundraisers might find distasteful, since party invitations are the lifeblood of his existence.
I stay in top physical condition through regular workouts with my personal trainer. I also maintain healthy eating habits, and take herbal testosterone that replenishes everything stolen by age, about which I remain in denial.
Note: It’s a simple equation, really.
I have a home in Houston, an apartment in NYC, and a family compound outside Paris.
Note: Doesn’t everyone?
The other specifics of my life are up to you and your imagination. If I’ve been successful, you’ll imagine big.
Note: The narcissist stays light on the details and heavy on innuendo to keep the fantasies alive long after death, which is just as important as life in most cases.
~~~
My name is Christina Lazarov, wife to my handsome and successful husband, Aristotle.
Note: I’m an enabler, remember?
Whatever my last name used to be is irrelevant because my life back then was irrelevant […not that it doesn’t haunt me in the middle of the night when I remember feeling something rather than nothing at all].
Note: This is something she should have broached in therapy, but because therapists lean in the direction of healing, she found a Pilates instructor.
Now my world is glamorous [pretentious], transcendent [privileged], and blissful [spaced-out], as everyone who’s anyone knows.
Note: Reflection [aka external affirmation] is heroin to any Stepford Wife with a working knowledge of the Devil’s Crossroads.
SUMMARY
1] Aging narcissist-socialites attend parties for the photo ops, not for the charities themselves.
In fact, many of them don’t even know the charities they’re attending, given the number of stops one must make on a particular night, particularly during cultural season.
“Oh is this the Opera gala? Of course it is!”
2] Old money doesn’t want the publicity.
New money can’t live without it.
Note the outrageously expensive and pretentious automobiles cars lined up in perfect formation in front of gold digging establishments.
Money is thrown around like party favors. Think of it as a carbon credit for people who don’t know better.
3] The aging narcissist sits on the fence between old and new, driving cars that are expensive, but not pretentious.
Wearing clothing that is stylish, but not trendy and/and garish.
And generally behaving in a manner reflective of sophistication and cultural maturity, in spits of the fact that it’s a ruse.
In this sense, they’re the lowest of the low because no one has any idea who they really are, including themselves.
I could go on.
Back to the Future
Clint Eastwood, happy 85th
William Shatner, happy 84th
The man you now know as “Raymond Reddington,” happy 55th
Chevy Chase, happy 71st
Gary Oldham, happy 57th
Robert Redford, happy 78th
Martin Sheen, happy 74th
Jeff Bridges, happy 65th
Jay Rusovich [me], happy 59th
~~~
When I was growing up this is what these guys looked like, myself included.
We no longer look this way, but it’s important to note that all of us travel through life in the same progression.
We all know what youth looked and felt like, because at one time, we were also maladjusted teenagers pulling figure-8’s on someone’s golf course in the middle of the night.
I bring this up also because in spite of the fact that youth is still a middle-aged man’s most precious commodity, I never appreciated it until it was gone.
Now I pay through the teeth for it.
The Beauty-Status Exchange
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/07/the-myth-of-buying-beauty/374414/
The Beauty-Status relationship is analogous to lines and performance in sports cars.
And speaking of sports cars, there’s always a faster one.
~~~
What I’m about to illustrate will probably irritate most women who resent objectification, but it may help mitigate the anger through acceptance that men are superficial first, human second.
THE MALE DEMOGRAPHIC
1] Big cities
2] Educated
3] Worldly
4] “Rich”
5] Baby-Boomers
Three [3] female body types and how men of the above demographic respond to each:
While no one could possibly argue that this woman isn’t insanely fit, most would find her too muscular for cocktail attire.
Imagine her in Prada and the discussion is closed.
She’s out of place anywhere other than a gym, which is not where most of these men spend the majority of their lives.
She is also impossible to physically control, which challenges a CEO’s self-perception as natural born leader.
A plus-size model parades a design from the Rio label during the ‘Hot in the City’ Intimates show at the Sydney Fashion Festival on August 21, 2009. The festival aimed at the public profiles the comtemporary spring-summer collections of local and international fashion brands as these new season’s looks arrive into stores throughout the city. RESTRICTED TO EDITORIAL USE AFP PHOTO / Greg WOOD (Photo credit should read GREG WOOD/AFP/Getty Images)
Plus-sized women make such men feel inadequate and embarrassed.
What have they done – or not done – in their personal lives to enable such an abomination to evolve?
People will hurl conjecture right and left at galas and benefits from here to Monte Carlo.
She should know better, and he’s obviously a complete failure as a man, so yes, this physique is a FAIL.
SHARNI VINSON and Kellan Lutz at the Beach at Cronulla New South Wales in Australia
While there remains a small niche market for this look – particularly among men who get off on physically dominating the look and feel of 12-year-old boys – it is less common than you might imagine.
Finally, we have what most men in the above demographic consider a woman prepped to sell.
She is fit, but overly so. “Toned, but not muscular” is the way is usually described.
Her bathing suit looks the way the fashion designer envisioned it on a woman, and furthermore, she would look great in basically everything “couture” on the planet.
Perceptions of him – his status, in particular – soars.
He’s now arrived and she gets the house.
Yea, there’s a downside to everything.
~~~
HOW TO MAINTAIN “OBJECT” STATUS
Women who go down this road know what they have to sacrifice in order to get it right.
First, they have to start out with the right facial and body structure.
There is some wiggle room here, so don’t freak out just yet.
From this point forward, the hard work begins.
Tenet #1: Counting calories is as much a part of life as breathing, preferably no more than 1200 a day.
For me 1200 calories doesn’t even cover breakfast, but whatever.
Tenet #2: In order to maintain the obligatory year-round tan and flawless skin, you need the right skincare products and 100% sunblock.
Understand that women do not tan at a pool. They tan at a salon. There’s a difference.
As for exercising, there is no such thing as running a marathon or any extended outdoor running at all.
It’s fine for teenagers, but once a woman hits her mid-20’s all the sun damage creeps in like a tsunami.
Tenet #4: All exercising must be done indoors – at “pump” classes, Pilates and yoga.
Understand that the look is “toned, but not muscular,” in spite of the fact that this makes no literal sense, since tone is muscle.
But women in “the know” understand the terminology well because they have the blueprint stamped into their DNA.
SUMMARY OF THE BASICS
1] 1200 calories a day
2] Spray on tan and sunblock.
3] Indoor exercise, only.
Got it?
WANT MORE?
Notice: My Revised Fine Art Photography Site, www.jayrusovich.com, is Now Live.
Recreation, 2005
From my first book, Insideout, available on Amazon.
How You “KNOW” You’re Middle-Age: A Primer in Dispelling Stereotypes
The article below cites 40 bullet points that claim to determines “middle-age” status:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/28/middle-age_n_3830194.html
Oh Dear God. Here we go…
According the article, the top 40 signs of middle age [55-plus] are as follows.
Notes:
Between each entry are my comments based on personal experience as a middle-age man living in a large metropolitan area.
You may find many of my comments surprising. Or not.
Here’s their list:
1) Losing touch with everyday technology such as tablets and TVs
Comments: This does not apply to me, but it does for others…many others. But most of them are in their 80’s and couldn’t care less.
2) Finding you have no idea what ‘young people’ are talking about
Comments: Again, this doesn’t apply to me because I’m around people of all generations. Disconnecting is a big problem, particularly for older men.
3) Feeling stiff
Comments: I don’t know what “feeling stiff” means in this context, but I have to assume it’s inflexibility, which is not a problem when you stretch, foam roll, and circuit train.
4) Needing an afternoon nap
Comments: On the days I don’t workout I don’t nap. On the days I do, I’m down for the count.
5) Groaning when you bend down
Comments: After dead-lifting hundreds of pounds, the attendant soreness makes me groan just getting out of bed.
6) Not remembering the name of any modern bands
Comments: I didn’t know there were any modern bands. Most of the bands I listen to still tour.
7) Talking a lot about your joints/ailments
Comments: Everyone who works out talks about ailments because we’re looking for work-a rounds, in most cases. As for going on and on about one bullshit ache and pain after the next, I leave it to the guys who threw up their hands at age 50.
8) Hating noisy pubs
Comments: I don’t go to pubs because I’m not much of a drinker. As for restaurants, I don’t like a lot of noise because I can’t hear the conversations, which is why I’m there in the first place.
9) Getting more hairy -– ears, eyebrows, nose, face etc.
Comments: Yes to all of the above, which is why I make sure that stuff doesn’t get out of control. You have to pay attention. Most older men don’t, hence the punchlines.
10) Thinking policemen/teachers/doctors look really young
Comments: I have no idea where this came from because my GP is 10 years older than I am and a triathlete. As for teachers and policemen, it never really crossed my mind.
11) Preferring a night in with a board game than a night on the town
Comments: A night in the pool followed by a glass of wine is more like it. When I was single, I’d take the night on the town in a heartbeat.
12) You don’t know any songs in the top ten
Comments: I don’t know any songs in the top ten by name, but I do recognize a Katy Perry song that makes my skin crawl.
13) Choosing clothes and shoes for comfort rather than style
Comments: I choose shoes with soft soles because they are more comfortable. All of my Prada’s have soft soles.
14) Taking a flask of tea on a day out
Comments: My trainer who’s 35 carries tea around with him, as do a lot of young guys in the gym who want a peak workout. Caffeine is a key ingredient in many sports drinks. I just do the morning coffee and nap when necessary.
15) Obsessive gardening or bird feeding
Comments: I don’t garden, but like trees if that helps.
16) Thinking there is nothing wrong with wearing an anorak
Comments: I didn’t know what an anorak was until I Googled it. But no, I don’t wear one and have no idea why anyone else would, either.
17) Forgetting people’s names
Comments: This has been a problem since high-school, but I’m working on it.
18) Booking on to a cruise
Comments: I hate the idea of being stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean with a bunch of people I don’t know, so no.
19) Misplacing your glasses/bag/car keys etc.
Comments: I’m getting better at this. I started reading this book on mindfulness, which reminded me to try and focus on one thing at a time, rather than 6000.
20) Complaining about the rubbish on television these days
Comments: My name is Jay Rusovich and I am a TV show addict.
21) Gasping for a cup of tea
Comments: I don’t even know what this means.
22) Getting bed socks for Christmas and being very grateful
Comments: I don’t know the meaning of “bed socks.” But I don’t wear socks in bed because I have blankets.
23) Taking a keen interest in The Antiques Road Show
Comments: I’m into mid-century modern and contemporary.
24) When you start complaining about more things
Comments: When I was in high-school I complained about the lack of freedom to come and go as I pleased. Now I complain about long waits for room service. Tie.
25) Listening to the Archers
Comments: I don’t know what – or who – the Archers are, and refuse to Google it/them.
26) You move from radio one to radio two
Comments: I don’t understand this one at all.
27) Joining the National Trust
Comments: The what?
28) Being told off for politically incorrect opinions
Comments: All the time. Always have.
29) Flogging the family car for something sportier
Comments: I’m childless and living with a woman half my age. There is no “family car.”
30) When you can’t lose six pounds in two days anymore
Comments: I lost 5 pounds of water on a two-hour bike ride yesterday.
31) You get shocked by how racy music videos are
Comments: I assume this is a veiled reference to Miley Cyrus performances, which are tepid compared to the shit I’ve seen, and personally experienced.
32) Taking a keen interest in the garden
Comments: Knock if off with the garden shit, already.
33) Buying travel sweets for the car
Comments: We carry stuff most people associate with surviving a global apocalypse. “Sweets” are not on that list.
34) Considering going on a ‘no children’ cruise for a holiday
Comments: Why would any adult want to hang out around a bunch of children?
35) When you know your alcohol limit
Comments: I have always known my alcohol limit. My body tells me the same way it did back in college.
36) Obsessively recycling/ knowing the collection dates
Comments: I just watch what the neighbors do. Most of them are actual adults.
37) Always carrying a handy pack of tissues
Comments: WTF?
38) Falling asleep after one glass of wine
Comments: Most people who workout a lot fall asleep after a glass of water.
39) Spending more money on face creams/anti-aging products
Comments: Guilty as charged. But my girlfriend outspends me tenfold.
40) Preferring a Sunday walk to a lie in
Comments: I’ll take the later, thank you. I need a day off once a week.
~ ~ ~
NEED MORE MIDLIFE BASHING? THE HP IS HERE TO HELP, AGAIN…
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/05/22/signs-youre-not-as-young-as-you-used-to-be_n_7293432.html
1. You walk into the kitchen to get something but you forget what it was when you get there.
Comments: I remember walking into my college library as a senior and forgetting what book I was looking for – during finals.
2. Every horizontal surface in your house has a pair of reading glasses on it.
Comments: Both sunglasses and reading glasses, actually.
3. You are regularly asked why you still have a telephone land line.
Comments: The land line is strictly a back-up system. I still don’t know the number. But my 84-year-old mother uses her land line regularly.
4. You carry cash and use it to pay for things.
Comments: If I have a few 5’s in my pocket it’s for valets, not luncheon meat.
5. You still figure out the tip in your head instead of using your phone calculator or an app.
Comments: Since the bill for dinner is usually $150, I tip $30. The day I use an App to calculate 20% to the penny, shoot me.
6. You check the menu online before you eat in a restaurant because you know you won’t be able to see it once you are there.
Comments: I never look at a menu. That’s what waiters are for.
7. You frequently choose restaurants based on their parking situation.
Comments: When you live in a big city, you need valets in order to find a parking space. Why would I walk two blocks to a restaurant?
8. When you park at the mall, you take a photo of where you left your car.
Comments: I have never heard of anyone doing this, but I assume the writer does.
9. You get invited to parties that start later than you like to go to bed.
Comments: We usually go to bed around midnight, so if the party starts at midnight, we opt out.
10. More than once you’ve grabbed the Ben-Gay thinking it was the toothpaste tube.
Comments: I started wearing readers at 39, and since that time, I can’t count the number of things I’ve squirted in the wrong places.
11. Loud music bothers you unless you’re the one playing it.
Comments: I get upset if music isn’t loud enough to hear, since I lost a lot of my hearing listening to loud music.
12. You rushed out and bought the iPhone6 Plus and love it — even if your kids mock you.
Comments: I bought the Iphone 6 because the ‘Plus” is the size of my Ipad.
13. You have different glasses for reading, for driving, for the computer and for going to the movies.
Comments: Just readers. Computers apparently don’t affect long distance vision.
14. You no longer rush to the dermatologist over every new sun spot.
Comments: I do, in fact, rush to the dermatologist every time I see a new sun spot. Some things never change.
15. You think people driving the speed limit are driving too fast.
Comments: I pretty much always think people are driving too slow.
16. You see items from your youth on “Antiques Roadshow” — going for top dollar.
Comments: Yea, I agree with this one.
17. You prefer a coffee maker with just an on/off switch.
Comments: I like having options, which is why I use the timer. But a simple “on-off” is good, too.
18. You understand that the only toppings on a pizza should be cheese and pepperoni.
Comments: The only ingredients I don’t use are cheese and pepperoni.
19. You can’t pronounce quinoa.
Comments: KEENWAH. Happy?
20. Kale will always be just a salad bar decoration to you.
Comments: Kale gets stuck in my teeth, which is why it’s often just decoration.
21. Shaving your legs is something you do only when going to the beach or a pool party.
Comments: No, I shave them all the time. So does my girlfriend.
22. You eyebrows turn white, if you have any eyebrows left.
Comments: Yup, whitish, but full.
23. Buying a new appliance makes you happy.
Comments: Who doesn’t love new appliances?
24. You fall asleep whenever you try to watch TV.
Comments: I have never fallen asleep watching television, but my girlfriend does it all the time, and she’s half my age.
25. You pick movies based on the theaters with fully reclining seats.
Comments: I don’t like sitting in dark rooms filled with complete strangers.
26. You begin to “get” cruises.
Comments: I’ve never been on a cruise and never intend to.
27. You wear your Fitbit to the mall and immediately check how far you’ve just walked.
Comments: My Fitbit is still sitting on my desk after giving me wrist rash.
28. You don’t have operations anymore; you have “procedures.”
Comments: The difference between an operation and a procedure is anesthesia. If I have to go under, I’m having an operation.
29. You wish your doctor took the laxatives that he gives you as pre-colonoscopy prep.
Comments: I don’t care what my doctor takes as long as he’s not tripping during the procedure.
30. The first thing you look for in an obituary is the person’s age and what killed them.
Comments: I don’t read obituaries unless I’m doing research.
31. You remember when you used to think having hemorrhoids was a big deal.
Comments: I’ve never had hemorrhoids.
32. Your idea of a great date night involves take-out food and Netflix.
Comments: I’m on board with this one.
33. When you come upon old photos of yourself, you think “I was so thin then.” All the time.
Comments: I was very thin back then, and lucky not to be locked up.
34. You are a big fan of yellow sticky notes.
Comments: I use pink ones.
35. You cut off the wine early enough to take the sleeping aid.
Comments: When I take a sleep aid, it’s with frozen fruit, a slice of low fat cheese and some pita chips.
36. You wonder when exactly it was that liberal you became a fiscal conservative.
Comments: I’ve always considered myself a fiscal conservative, even when I didn’t have a dime.
37. Public transportation makes you uneasy.
Comments: What’s public transportation?
38. You understand why people pay to upgrade their seat on planes.
Comments: So does Justin Bieber.
39. Running shoes are your go-to footwear — and not for running.
Comments: I would generally agree with this one.
40. You buy drugstore hair coloring by the case when it’s on sale.
Comments: The only thing I get by the case is pet food.
41. You’ve had conversations with friends about the best source of bran.
Comments: I have never had a conversation about bran.
42. You know first-hand that generics aren’t as good as the real deal.
Comments: If the generics work, I buy them. If not, I buy the name brands.
43. You pour egg whites into your coffee thinking it was fat-free creamer.
Comments: Seriously?
44. Your kids are all taller than you.
Comments: None of the animals in this house are taller than me.
45. You do some mental math before adopting a new puppy or kitten.
Comments: No I just grab whatever’s dragging garbage across the street.
46. You say things like, “My next house won’t have so many stairs.”
Comments: I said this 20 years ago and still have a lot of stairs.
47. You can’t remember the last time you fell asleep and stayed asleep all night.
Comments: I usually sleep through the night. If not, I don’t remember waking.
48. You are finally remembering which is Medicare and which is Medicaid.
Comments: I still have to Google it.
49. Hotels no longer ask to actually see your AARP card before they give you a discounted rate.
Comments: Hotels never offer me a discount of any kind. In fact, most of them pad the bill.
50. You swear your feet are growing wider — because they are.
Comments: If my feet are wider it’s because I have more lean muscle mass, which would make anyone’s feet wider. Large animals have big feet, too.
SUMMARY
Folks, I could go on and on with this crap until the sun dies.
People love stereotyping Baby Boomers; putting millions of us into neat little boxes that can be stacked on shelves and labelled.
But what happens when you don’t fit the stereotypes?
You put a smile on your face and middle finger in the air.
If Madonna Were an Older Man: When Double-Standards Apply
Would she be held to the same standards? If not, why?
The article uses several celebrity examples of older men who seem to get away with certain behavior that Madonna would be skewered for.
The narrative here is that older women, in general, are held to completely different standards to that of older men.
Sometimes this is true, but not always, as I’ll explain.
First, an example of what you’ll read in the “bullet-pointed” article:
1: Harrison Ford, Private Plane Pilot. On March 5, the 72-year-old actor crashed his World War II-era plane. The story made headlines around the world, all honoring how well he managed to handle the accident and hoping for his speedy recovery.
Madonna’s Headline
No longer High, Flying or Adored, Madonna Crashes on the Runway and the Charts.
My Take: Madonna, in particular, set herself up for all of this.
Either she cannot see, or chooses to ignore, the reality that “25 and 55” are two different things.
While rock stars like Mick Jagger still rockin’ n’ rollin’, we’re all in on the fantasy.
Jagger has never pretended to deny – or in any way change public perception of – his age.
In the case of Madonna, it’s the other way around.
Her album covers are case studies in Photoshop overindulgence; her competitiveness with pop singers half her age the punch lines of every late night missive; and her incessant allusions to bedding young men is as cringe-worthy as biting a dry Popsicle stick.
With Madonna, it’s not about men and women being held to different standards, it’s about Madonna not coming to terms with reality as the rest of the world knows it.
The final 11 bullet points cite:
2] Paul Newman: Car Racing at 70.
Madonna’s Headline
Bitch on Wheels: Desperate Madonna Still Thinks She’s in the Race
My Take: Again, this is not about age as much as it is about Madonna. Nobody ever beats up on older female triathletes. They applaud.
3] Iggy Pop, Shirtless at 67.
Madonna’s Headline
Icky Pop: GrandMadonna’s Topless Photo Looks Like a Map of the Old Stars Homes
My Take: Iggy Pop looks like a friggin’ monster as he did 30 years ago. No one’s ever disputed that. The fact that he’s preternaturally shredded only makes him a greater curiosity, not sex symbol.
4] Tom Cruise, Fencing at age 52.
Madonna’s Headline
Right of Light Saber: Madonna Learns How to, Literally, Stab Her Friends in the Back
My Take: They’re probably right about this one.
5] Russell Crowe, Knitting at age 50.
Madonna’s Headline
Unapologetic Stitch: Will Madonna Knit Baby Booties for Her Next Boyfriend?
My Take: This one reaches for a story it never quite lands.
6: Brad Pitt, Motorcycle Riding at age 51.
Madonna’s Headline
Motorcycle Mama’s Message to Her Children: Biking Is Fine!
My Take: If Madonna wants to ride motorcycles, nobody cares as long as she isn’t riding it in a tu-tu.
7: Sean Penn, Surfing at age 54
Madonna’s Headline
Drowned World: Madonna Desperately Tries to Stay Afloat
My Take: Not to hammer a point to oblivion, but if Madonna wants to resurrect herself, an acoustic guitar and her voice on stage would be enough to fill arenas anywhere.
8: Johnny Depp, Owning and Island at age 51.
Madonna’s Headline
From British to Bahamian, Madonna’s Un-American Ambitions
My Take: See #5 Russell Crowe.
9: Sting, Tantric Sex at age 63.
Madonna’s Headline
Chanteuse on the Loose: Madonna’s Sexual Stretch Marks
My Take: It is true that Madonna would be the laughing stock of the world if she were to publicize something like this in light of her recent missteps.
10: George Clooney, Sports at age 53.
Madonna’s Headline
No Longer in a League of Her Own, Madonna Strikes Out on the Playing Field, Dribbles in Public, and Chases After Tight Ends
My Take: If Madonna competed successfully in a triathlon, she would set an example for women her age. Instead, she expects people to just imagine her doing it, along with everything else.
11: Denzel Washington, Boxing at age 60
Madonna’s Headline
Former Musical Heavyweight Madonna Now Hits Below the Belt
My Take: If Madonna wanted to box, no one would care one iota.
12: Kevin Costner, Horseback Riding at age 60.
Madonna’s Headline
Madonna owns… wait, she fell off her horse in 2005, leaving her with a broken hand, busted collarbone and three cracked ribs. One very popular New York Newspaper wrote it…”Madonna Falls Off Her High Horse.”
My Take: I remember this story well, and again, Madonna is her own worst enemy.
When Keith Richards fell out of a coconut tree or four-wheeler or whatever the hell happened to him in Hawaii, he got flowers and high-fives, not a tsunami of negative press because he’s cool being who the hell he is!
Bottom line:
The article is not about gender stereotypes.
It’s about Madonna…as usual.