Jon Stewart on “Relevance Waning”

http://www.etonline.com/awards/emmys/172325_jon_stewart_makes_promise_final_daily_show_emmy_speech/

“To everybody on television, I just want to tell you, cling to it as long as you can,” Stewart advised onstage. “Like death, like in the Titanic. Cling to it!”

Stewart admitted that his time away from TV hasn’t been easy.

“I’ve been off of television for six weeks, seven weeks, whatever it is, this is the first applause I’ve heard. It is a barren wasteland out there,” Stewart deadpanned.

~~~

I write a lot about “relevance” in the context of older men, and how the lack of it is akin to surgical castration.

Nobody – and I mean, NOBODY! – I gives that up without a fight.

When it’s gone, the fallout is always in the news:

Retired athlete now a drug addict; baron of business blows his brains out when risk trumps reward; once-famous actor fades into oblivion under a street lamp in the dead of night with a needle in his arm.

What keeps successful men alive is R E L E V A N C E.

Donald Trump once stated, “…there is nothing more voracious than this man’s hunger for wealth, fame and power,” and after being exposed to many such men in my life, the statement couldn’t be more true.

With this in mind, Stewart isn’t going anywhere.

He misses the applause, the notoriety, the power in a way similar to addicts when on the precipice of withdrawal.

It’s intoxicating.

Ask any retired rock musician what he misses most and the first sentence out of his mouth is “I miss my fans.”

I have a friend who is in various businesses, but the one he loves most is music.

When he’s on stage, he is someone else – infused with life, happy.

When it’s over, he goes back to the other guy, the one who’s a bit resigned, frustrated, bittersweet, sensitive, mildly depressed.

Once you’re on stage there’s no where else to go, particularly when you’re Stewart’s age with decades ahead of you … to do what? Fish?

There are men who’ve made fortunes many times over and are happy to live in relative obscurity with their riches and anonymity.

In fact, many claim to prefer this to fame of any kind.

But the vast majority of them still need some place to hang a shingle, whether it’s starting a charitable foundation, writing books, lecturing, or buying gold-diggers.

Without purpose, we’re nothing more than a memory with a large bank account, which is never big enough to fill in all the empty spaces.

Nothing fills the void when you feel like you no longer matter, even when you do to everyone, but yourself.

No wonder famous rock musicians continue to tour long after the money’s made, – and talk show hosts go on set, night after night, to the sound of their bands, famous guests and high Arbitron ratings.

The moment they walk away, they fade from relevance and time does what it always does.

As an older man who has done a lot with his life, I can personally attest to the fact that people like me don’t lie down for long because an idle life is, indeed, a “barren wasteland.”

We all need a purpose, and for Jon, it’s DEFINITELY another show.

The Spirit of Youth at Midlife: Why Men Need Space to “Misbehave”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/22/midlife-crisis-4-ways-to-deal-changes-male-partner_n_3094414.html

If he wants a damn “motorcycle,” let him have it. Your marriage may depend on it.

If you’re in the same generation as your husband, you may want to keep the following things in mind as you age together:

1] Don’t judge him.

If he wants a motorcycle, you don’t have to jump up and down with joy about it. But you need to respect his desire to do something he’s always wanted to do, but couldn’t for all the reasons one might expect [i.e., job, children, et al].

Most men I know have already proven themselves financially, and now they just want to go back to feeling the way they did when it all started, mostly because they can afford to.

This is also why so many affluent older men have blind checking accounts, but I digress.

2] Remain calm, very calm.

Women should understand [and respect] that men must feel like men in order to continue functioning as men.

Sometimes this includes the viewing of pornography, which most consider normal and well-adjusted behavior.

In the grand scheme of things, it’s no big deal.

But for you women who consider it a form of cheating, you can either walk out on your otherwise faithful husband of 25 years, or just go with the flow.

Beating him up about it will just drive him to places like Ashleymadison.com.

3] Respect his fears about aging.

Older men worry about a lot of things they tend to keep to themselves.

1] Fear about the body breaking down.

2] Fear about retirement.

3] Fear about everything he once felt in control of.

These are all very real to him, common to most, and worthy of consideration from all.

4] Pay attention to his emotional issues.

Brushing off your man’s emotional issues is a recipe for disaster.

I know this will surprise many of you, but men have needs beyond sports and intercourse.

Always keep your marriage a priority, particularly after the kids are gone, and never, ever take him for granted unless you want a hooker at your door at 3 o’clock in the morning with a ransom demand.

SUMMARY

In study after study, it has been demonstrated that an aging man’s greatest fears are all quite similar no matter who he happens to be.

In my world, most men fear 1] impotence for obvious reasons.

This is why they are always having their cholesterol checked, their testosterone increased, and their fitness regimen on a fast track.

Some see this as racing with the devil because it is.

With this in mind, it become obvious then that aging men fear 2] weakness, in general.

No man wants to feel vulnerable, not in full possession of himself.

It is an indignity to most, and the reason so many suffer clinical depression after an injury or illness.

Then there’s the specter of 3] irrelevance that I can’t stop talking about in this blog.

A man with a lifetime of exemplary accomplishments is usually proud of what he’s done, and least likely to let go of it freely.

This is why great achievers keep working.

After all, you’re only as good as your last accomplishment, and if it was over a decade ago, you’ll never have anything to say for yourself at cocktail functions.

There are other concerns, of course, like losing one’s mind, but they are usually subordinate to the ones I just mentioned.

Aging is a Bitter Pill [No Wonder We’re All in Denial]

Liam Neeson, 63 ‘Never been healthier…’ for 63.

Ahead of turning 63 on June , he said: ‘My birthday is a touchy subject. I’m going to be 63 — nobody wants to be 63! I’m getting old.

‘What I want more than anything is for it to be ignored. I just hate it and it makes me feel vulnerable. It’s such a private thing — the day you were born, the day you came out of your mother’s womb.

‘Some people hire a boat and do grand things like that, but I just get embarrassed about that sort of celebration and attention.’

~~~

What exactly is 63 supposed to look like?

Does anyone know?

As far as Hollywood is concerned, a 63-year-old actor is supposed to be fit, muscular, dashing…and yes, sexy.

A lot of this is projection, as many industry people are themselves middle age…and beyond.

But in the end it just gets down to pandering to a massive Baby Boomer market in denial.

This aside, how do a very select few 63-year-old men manage to maintain extraordinary levels of youthfulness?

1] Intense physical fitness regimens

2] Balanced diets

3] Low stress

4] Regular testosterone injections

5] Plastic surgery

6] Perfect styling

7] Flattering light

8] A willing suspension of disbelief on the part of audiences

9] Money and power

10] Dying famous at age 27.

~~~

Nobody wins this war.

We can be in spectacular shape at 63, but we’re still 63 no matter how imaginatively anyone spins it.

This is a particularly tough pill to swallow for older men of health and means.

They can afford to travel, dine at 5-star establishments, buy expensive toys, and date beautiful young men and women.

But the problem is that they have very little time to do it before the other show drops.

Think older man’s version of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off for adults and this begins to make sense.

This is why denial is my generation’s crucible.

What “Normal” Looks Like for Rich, Big City Boomers

Buzz Bissinger, 60 with Caitlyn Jenner, 65

I thought this picture was interesting, so I decided to share it with you.

I have nothing more to say…other than the fact that enough money and success have a way of opening doors to behavior that might otherwise remain hidden behind pleated khakis and anonymous Internet hook-ups.

~~~

Why are Middle-Aged Men Committing Suicide in Record Numbers?

In 2013, 78 per cent of the 6,233 suicides registered in the UK were men. That’s a rate of 19 deaths per 100,000 population.

That more men take their own lives than women is not new. But in 1981 the men’s total was only about double, or just under, the women’s.

Now it’s nearly four times as many.

Since 2007, in fact, baby boomers have had the highest rate of suicide of any age group in the United States.

Historically, people between the ages of 40 and 64 have had one of the lowest rates.

To complicate matters, baby boomers are now sliding into the over-65 demographic, an age group that historically has had one of the highest suicide rates.

Making matters worse, suicides among middle-aged men with mental health issues have soared by 73% since 2006, which may be attributed to a combination of alcohol, job loss and debt, as compiled by the University of Manchester’s National Confidential Inquiry into Suicide and Homicide by People with Mental Illness.

Oh boy. Want more?

“Our findings show that within mental health care, middle-aged men are particularly at risk,” said Prof Louis Appleby, the director of NCISH who was formerly the government’s mental health tsar and leads the national suicide prevention strategy. “The problem is not simply that they don’t seek help – they are already under mental health care – so we have to understand better the stresses men in this age group face.”

How about this?

More men in the UK have died by suicide in the past year than all British soldiers fighting in all wars since 1945.

I’m neither a Sociologist or Psychiatrist. In fact, my only authority in this area is interpersonal exchange and an open heart, for which I have earned several Doctoral Degrees.

Men my age and socioeconomic niche are, generally speaking, over-achievers. They made their “piles” working hard, passionately over many years.

Many have been married and divorced a few times over.

The majority have children somewhere.

Now they’re smack in the middle of the Baby Boom generation, with nowhere to go and nothing to do that they haven’t already been done a thousand times before.

Only this time around, they’re older – a lot older – with far less time to enjoy life the way they did when the journey started.

It’s a small window of opportunity in which to reinvent oneself before everything becomes a hobble along a windswept beach on the edge of oblivion.

With this as a backdrop, here are my 5 top reasons middle-aged men off themselves:

1] Loneliness

Heterosexual men in mid-life are dependent primarily on female partners for emotional support.

One reason for this is that they’ve never explored anything beyond sports stats with their “friends.”

Women, on the other hand, maintain their independent relationships throughout life – divorce notwithstanding – which is one reason they outlive us.

To wit, suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts were three times higher among divorced men, and two times higher among separated men compared to married.

This is the quintessential dichotomy about men: While we love sex, we love relationships more.

2]Reluctance to seek help

Professor Shirley Reynolds, from Reading University, said one of the reasons for the rise in suicides is the fact only around ’15 per cent of men with depression and anxiety seek help’.

Most men my age practice intimacy-avoidance. They’d rather swallow a pack of Gillette straight razors than open up about clinical depression.

For one thing, depression is not manly. Men don’t suffer depression unless it’s tied to warfare, in which case it’s called PTSD, an acceptable acronym.

Anything else is an indication that you’re either gay and in denial, or didn’t get into enough fistfights when you were a kid.

In either case, you’re screwed in the eyes of middle-aged frat boys who are themselves gay, and in denial.

3] Money

Okay, I know a few people who put bullets in their heads when the market crashed in 2008.

Not having any money after have a shit-ton of it sucks more than just about anything else, excluding colon cancer, which is a close second.

You lose your house, your cars, your vacations…and usually, your wife.

So now you have nothing at age “60” and have no interest in starting over at Dairy Queen.

I get it. Use the gun. 30 years mopping floors or flipping burgers just isn’t worth it.

Plus you’ll never get laid again as long as you do happen to live.

4] Feminism

Many men bought into the notion that marrying super-achiever women – the ones who handle all of the traditionally male responsibilities – was a novel idea…until the women in question left them for real men who could buy and sell them a thousand times, which earned their respect.

It’s been my experience that women want men to be men in the traditional sense no matter what they say to the contrary. I’m not talking about some archaic master-servant relationship, but one where the man is clearly the head of the household everyone look up to.

But these days older men are caught in a cross-fire of conflicting expectations about what it means to be a man. This usually means that when things go South, they don’t have the coping skills to handle the downward spiral.

The bottom line here is that men should take care of themselves first – and everyone else – second.

5] Irrelevance

Okay, so your career is winding down, the kids are out of the house, and your ex-wife is a colossal bitch. What the hell are you going to do with yourself? You already proved to the world that you could become CEO of some star-up and make a pile of money.

Now what?

That job is done, but when people ask you what the hell you’re doing with yourself, you have nothing to say. This means you’re only as good as your last performance – which, by the way, was 10 years ago. Not good. Very bad, in fact. Particularly at society cocktail functions.

Men are inextricably tied to what they do professionally, so if you’re not doing what you were once doing, then what the hell are you doing?

Men need an answer.

If they don’t have one, they dwell on what to say to people.

This often leads to introspection, as in the meaning of life kind of crap and then hookers, drugs and a shotgun blast to silence the noise.

Believe me, older men need a good back story to survive. Otherwise, the only thing anyone will be interested in is conning them out of whatever money they happen to have left over from their glory days.

SUMMARY

Getting older sucks. The best you can hope for is money in the bank, good health, and a competent psychiatrist.

Note that money was the first on my list of must-haves because without it you’re probably better off dead.

How else are you going to afford the psychiatrist?

~~~

For more information, here’s a good article on depression in older men:

http://www.fiftyisthenewfifty.com/mid-life-crisis-depression-or-both/

Majority of Boomers are Positive About Their Generational Label

Many millennials don’t even want to be identified as such, with 60 per cent not considering themselves to be part of the ‘millennial generation.’ Instead, 33 per cent say they are part of Generation X~~~

Millennials attribute negative traits to their generation and the Silent Generation and Boomers see themselves in a positive right, describing their generation as patriotic, responsible, hard-working and moral.

Generational identity was strongest among the baby boomers, with 79 per cent of those within the applicable age group identifying with the ‘baby-boom’ generation.

Around 30 per cent of Generation Xers – those ages 35-50 – said their own generation was self-absorbed and wasteful, and 20 per cent of the baby boomers said the same about their age cohort.

Source:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3221560/Millennials-self-absorbed-wasteful.html

A few more facts about Baby Boomers:

The last of the baby boomers turned 50 in 2014 – there were 77 million people born between 1946 and 1964, which is defined as the baby boomer era (U.S. Census).
The 2010 Census shows the senior age group is, for the first time, the largest in terms of size and percent of the population in the U.S. Ove the next 30 years, the 65+ population will be larger than the younger generations.
The 50+ population has $2.4 trillion in annual income, which accounts for 42% of all after-tax income in the U.S. (Consumer Expenditure Survey).
Boomers and seniors have seen a decrease in their median family net worth, however they still have a net worth 3x that of younger generations (Economic Policy Institute).
Every year, the U.S. Consumer Expenditure Survey shows adults 55-64 outspend the average consumer in nearly every category, from food, household furnishing, entertainment, personal care, gifts, etc.
Baby boomers account for nearly $230 billion, or 55% of consumer packaged goods sales (Nielsen).
The NAHB predicts that the aging in place remodeling market to be $20-$25 billion. That’s about 10% of the $214 billion home improvement industry.
Boomers spend $157 billion on trips every year (NextAvenue).
Americans 50+ account for half of all consumer spending but are targeted by just 10% of marketing (AARP).
The Internet is the most important source of information for Boomers when they make major purchasing decisions (Zoomerang).
Boomers outspend younger adults online 2:1 on a per-capita basis (Forrester, 2009).

“Isn’t It Time You Older Guys Start Winding It Down?”

No.

How many times have I heard this from spouses who feel left behind by men who’ve decided to make the most of middle-age?

“Why are you spending so much time in the gym?”

“You had your youth. Let go!”

“Acceptance is the key to happiness!”

“You’re no longer a child!”

Grow up!”

I could go on and on with this bullshit… [and I will].

~~~

Based on a true story, the following dialog takes place between a friend of mine and a woman who’s middle-aged husband is either in the gym, meal-prepping and/or planning adventure vacations that involve rock climbing, mountain hikes, kayaking, swimming and yoga.

While all this sounds great, it isn’t as much so for a woman who thought she married a very different man who would embrace the last few decades of his life with more circumspection.

SPOUSE TO FRIEND:

“I don’t know what’s happened to my husband. He used to be such a normal man.

Now all he does is workout and prepare his meals at home, as if a little bread’s going to hurt him.

Why is he doing this? He’s almost 60!

Look at me! I’m not 25 anymore. And I’m okay with that.

Why isn’t he?

And those ridiculous handstand push-ups he does all the time are for kids, not full grown men.

It’s embarrassing!”

FRIEND TO SPOUSE:

“Maybe he just wants to stay fit and healthy so he can do all the things he did when he was younger.

What’s wrong with that?”

SPOUSE TO FRIEND:

“What’s wrong with that is that we aren’t young anymore.

I think he’s having some sort of midlife breakdown, thinking he can go back to where he was, instead of accepting where he is!”

FRIEND TO SPOUSE:

“Maybe you’re just feeling left out, or about to be left behind. His priorities have changed. He wants to live a healthy lifestyle, and now you’re feeling pressure to do the same thing.

Maybe you think he’s going to leave you, or have an affair?”

SPOUSE TO FRIEND:

“Listen to me you idiot! He needs to grow up and accept the fact that there’s a time and place for everything in life.

He should be doing more reflecting than pumping weights!

Stop and smell the roses. Ponder his image in quiet lakes, skim rocks across the water, and reflect.

We should be walking hand-in-hand along the banks of lagoon, deep in spiritual contemplation, connected to the earth as we prepare for death in a positive, healthy way…”

FRIEND TO SPOUSE

“And you think he’s insane?”

What a Age-Appropriate Couple Looks Like These Days

Personalities notwithstanding, Alec Baldwin, 57 and Hilaria Baldwin, 31 make a handsome couple.

Get used to the fact that a 20-year age gap is no longer a news item.

Soon it’ll be 30.

And eventually, even mine will be considered normal 😉

The Case for Dating Men in Their “60’s”

It’s not uncommon to see successful 58-62-year-old urban men dating and/or marrying women in their mid to late 30’s.

By standards that have evolved over the past decade, 37 and 60 are considered age-appropriate.

It’s a simple formula: 1/2 one’s age plus 7.

Of course, it could also be 1/2 one’s age minus 7, and still meet normal parameters.

In either case, the women are hardly 17 for God’s sake.

With this as a backdrop, I have posted a link to an Elle Magazine article I think you’ll find interesting.

I’ll follow it’s bullet points with comments of my own based upon real life urban experience.

http://www.elle.com/life-love/sex-relationships/advice/a9/dating-men-in-their-sixties/

“Old men are polite and thoughtful and young guys are generally self-centered.” Megan Megan O’Brien, founder of the marketing agency Beauty Brander, almost exclusively dates men in their sixties and older.

Her reasons?

1] I like a man’s man.

The synopsis: “To a man in his 60’s it’s the norm to treat a woman like a LADY.”

COMMENTS

Older men I know are far more appreciative of the young women in their lives because they know that authentic love is no longer a disposable asset.

2] They don’t play games.

The synopsis: “The bullshit factor dramatically declines as the years of their age rise.”

COMMENTS

Time becomes a far more valuable commodity when it becomes more scarce, forcing demand through the roof. Therefore, “sealing the deal” with a younger woman becomes a far more likely outcome.

3] They are more thoughtful.

The synopsis: “Leaving love notes in your purse for you to find later is another common trait of a more mature man…..just because.”

COMMENTS

To older men, younger women are kind of like time capsules that transport us back to a time when life was more spontaneous and carefree. Younger men have precisely the opposite effect on older women for obvious reasons.

4] They have their shit together.

COMMENTS

The synopsis: “He’s spending more time and attention on your relationship [than at the office].”

COMMENTS

He doesn’t have to spend as much time at the office [see#4]. Most men in this situation work from a laptop and a cellphone for a few hours and call it a day.

5] He will be proud to be with you.

The synopsis: “Most guys in their thirties think they’re doing YOU a favor by holding your hand and saying that you look beautiful.”

COMMENTS

When you’re young, youth and beauty are boundless resources, so you take them for granted.

But older men have already been laid more times than they can possibly count, so they focus on other aspects of the relationship.

This, of course, will then lead to even more sex – only this time with someone who’s name they remember.

~~~

Does “Low T” Cause Depression [or is aging a nightmare no matter how you look at it?]

Testosterone is the male sex hormone responsible for the development of many ‘masculine’ traits.

It encourages fat loss and muscle development, as well as sex drive, aggression, and energy levels.

In other words, the more testosterone, the more “Alpha.”

“Low T” has the opposite effect: Use your imagination. It’s bad.

Numerous health problems, including depression are heavily linked.

~~~

However, the relationship between depression and testosterone is very confusing because they are very similar.

If your “T” levels are low you’ll will suffer low energy, zero sex drive, crappy mood, endless irritability and difficulty sleeping – all of which characterize depression.

Some guys I know attack the problem with hormone replacement therapy.

In fact, most do…with varying degrees of success.

It cheaper than psychotherapy, and with faster results.

Nonetheless, “Low T” is not always the cause of depression, though it might be responsible.

For men who aren’t depressed and have lots of time and money on their hands, increasing testosterone might be an effective way to boost mood to even higher levels, improving drive, libido and motivation.

There’s always a higher high, after all.

But like other indulgences, it can become a one way street.

In other words, once you start, there’s no going back because eventually, the body stops producing it, not that you give a crap.

Most older men don’t care about anything but now, because there isn’t anything else.

Oh God, am I depressed?

~~~

CLEARING UP THE CONFUSION

If you’re depressed but don’t know why, you might start by asking yourself why someone with so much feels like he has so little?

This is a therapy question, by the way.

On the other hand, if you also have difficulty gaining muscle, losing fat, keeping your blood pressure in check, or losing your ‘morning glory,’ “Low T” may be the culprit.

Three other factors may play a role in depression:

1] Vegetarian diets low in protein.

2] Dark offices low in sunlight.

3] Physical inactivity.

~~~

Okay, so let’s say you aren’t a fan of hormone replacement therapy, and want a natural way to achieve similar results.

Exercise – Compound movements, like squats and bench press, and HIIT (high intensity interval training).

Sleep – This is where your testosterone is produced and why rest and recovery are so important. Make sleep a priority in your life. Keep your room dark and cool, and avoid caffeine before bed.

Vitamin D – Vitamin D is responsible for helping your body to regulate numerous other hormonal processes. The easiest way to get it is sunlight. If there is no sunlight where you live – or you’re stuck in an office for 12 hours a day – supplement. It’s no surprise that all those existentialists came from countries bereft of sunlight.

Magnesium and Zinc – Magnesium and zinc support healthy testosterone production and prevent testosterone from being converted into zinc. You can Google it.

Saturated Fat – As shocking as this may sound, the most important ingredient in terms of your diet is saturated fat. It’s no longer believed to cause heart problems, but it will increase your levels of good ‘HDL’ cholesterol, which also happens to be what your body uses to make testosterone and other sex hormones. Try a glass or two of full fat milk if your stomach can handle it. It might improve your mood.

Protein – Protein is the building block of muscle. Now you know why vegetarians look like crap. Protein produces anabolic hormones [like testosterone] that encourage muscle growth, among other benefits.

ONE VARIANT

Avoid Plastic – Random, perhaps, research on ‘xenoestrogens’ isn’t pretty. These are substances act like estrogen in the body and significantly lower testosterone.

Along with our more sedentary and indoor lifestyles, this is thought to be one of the big reasons that men today have lower testosterone on average.

To avoid xenoestrogens, don’t eat out of plastic containers, and definitely don’t microwave anything in plastic.

ON A FINAL NOTE

The Stones famously lamented “it’s a drag getting old,” and it’s no surprise that Baby Boomer do struggle with aging more than the generation preceding it.

Boomers — those born between 1946 and 1964 — are the generation most likely to report being in treatment for depression, at 14 percent, according to the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index. That compares to 11 percent among Generation X (born 1965-1979), “traditionalists” born before 1945, and Millennials (born 1980-1996).

This makes complete sense to me because Traditionalists lived their lives in throes of World Wars and Millennials aren’t old enough to feel their age.

Note: Baby Boomers are more likely to have been diagnosed with depression (21 percent) than any other generation (Gen X: 18 percent, Millennials: 16 percent, traditionalists: 15 percent).

This aside, Boomers are also more open to discussing their mental health issues than older Americans who refused to admit to having any psychiatric problems at all – a key reason Boomers need therapy in the first place.

December 2024
S	M	T	W	T	F	S
« Feb
1	2	3	4	5	6	7
8	9	10	11	12	13	14
15	16	17	18	19	20	21
22	23	24	25	26	27	28
29	30	31