This is what I’m talkin’ about.
Born November 9, 1951, Lou Ferrigno decided today to share his physical on social media to the amazement of all – just 2 months shy of his 64th birthday!
Congratulations, Lou!
Posts Tagged → older men
The New Normal and Well-Adjusted
As I’ve said before, what you see these days is rarely what you get.
Take Mel Gibson, 59 and Rosalind Ross, 24.
To most, they probably look like father and daughter out for lunch.
To me, it’s gotta be his wife or lover.
How do I know this?
For one thing, I’m used to seeing vast age differences in relationships, so there’s that.
But it’s also his presence: confidence, worldliness, wealth.
He’s also handsome, and obviously wears whatever the hell he wants in the middle of the day on a Tuesday afternoon or whatever.
If he were random tool in golfing attire and by all appearances, scoliosis, I might be of a different opinion.
Some things just tell a story all by themselves.
On a related note, I’m thrilled to report that you front desk guys at the better hotels are finally getting the hang of it.
The last thing a man wants to hear when bringing his girlfriend to a Ritz-Carlton for a weekend getaway is “would you and your daughter like 2 Queens?”
As for Mr. Gibson the man, no comment.
2 Exercises and 1 Diet that CAUSE AGING!
According to findings cited in the following article – and backed up by lots of clinical research – the following exercises and dietary practice are guaranteed age-enhancers.
http://www.maxworkouts.com/lp/3-worst-exercises-that-cause-aging-p1/?e=1
1] Steady State Cardio
Cardio is great for heart health, but hardly the answer to weight-loss and fat-loss. As the article points out, “doing long frequent cardio sessions will break down your muscles and increase the production of free radicals. These free radicals damage the cells in your body and accelerate aging.”
2] Low-Fat Diets
“Science has proven that fat is not the cause of weight gain or heart disease. In fact, since the introduction of the fat-free diet, the world has gotten more fat and sick than it has ever been before.”
If you’re following a low-fat diet, you’re depriving your body of the nutrients it needs to slow aging and keep your youth.
Monounsaturated fats and polyunsaturated fats are known as the “good fats” because they are good for your heart, your cholesterol, and your overall health.
| Monounsaturated fat | Polyunsaturated fat |
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3] Yoga
Yoga improves inner consciousness, mind-body connection and spiritual health or whatever. But it’s not an effective form of exercise as it “lacks the necessary components to stimulate your body to build lean muscle, burn fat and most importantly… trigger your youth-enhancing hormones to help slow aging. Yoga can improve your flexibility and calm your mind, but it will NOT stimulate your “youth” hormones, according to findings.
Personally, I like yoga pants and the practices’ emphasis on long lean limbs and tight round butts.
To many, this is plenty enough.
But if youth is what you’re after, I have some alternative recommendations that have worked extremely well for me:
1] Circuit Training Workouts using free-weights and body weight.
I know that when I start my 1 hour workout, I’m in for a ball buster. I get my head focused, take a deep breath and go in. I rarely sit down, opting instead to “walk it off” between sets, which are separated by more than 30 seconds, occasionally 45 if I’m really winded. We move from cables to free weights to body weight exercises in rapid succession to keep my heart rate up and my body charged. While this is NOT the best way to put on mass and maximum strength, it is the very best way to burn calories, shed body fat and keep my heart strong. For strength and mass, we do 2 days a week of mass and strength training, focusing 1 day on upper body and the 2nd, lower. At this age, that’s a lot, as it takes several days to recover from each of them.
2. Cardio: High Intensity Interval Training [HIIT]
On the days in between I do High Intensity Interval Training [HIIT], which involves continually switching between low and high intensity ‘intervals’ between 30 and 60 seconds in length. We usually start with rope work for 30 second intervals then super set it with box jumps. Then we’ll do treadmill sprints followed by ladder work. This goes on for an hour where the focus is on driving my heart rate to 90% of maximum, and then dropping it back down to baseline as quickly as possible. The idea is strengthen cardiovascular strength and endurance to a point where the body is capable of dropping heart rate from, say, 155 BPM to 118BPM in under a minute.
Comments
Performing the workouts above also condition the body to handle maximum loads on strength training days, when lots of rest is required between sets.
However, if your only interest is in either just building mass – or running marathons – you can forget about what I just said.
No Road-Map for the Middle Aged Outlier
When you’re 20, everyone has an answer.
When you’re 3 times that, no one has the vaguest idea.
~~~
Generally speaking, life is like a TV show.
You start out with a murder, followed by an investigation, followed by a conclusion, where the bad guy is caught and justice is served.
For our purposes here, let’s focus our attention on the investigation, where we try and figure out which direction to turn in the absence of solid leads.
If you’re in that 55-64 demographic, you know exactly what I mean.
It’s a weird place [think Devil’s Crossroads] where the pavement hits the dirt and you’re on your own.
Every decision feels like a skate over thin ice because everything matters 10 times more than it did when youth was like a high-density shock absorber.
EXAMPLES
1] You can eat this, but probably not that.
2] You can exercise, but not so hard that you stroke out.
3] You may need a mini-aspirin every day for life insurance, but it may also give you bleeding ulcers.
4] You should probably take mountains of vitamins, but nobody has any idea whether or not it’s necessary with a disciplined diet.
But what constitutes a ‘disciplined diet’ when your body is constantly under assault from everything that came before?
~~~
When I have a physical, the doctor tells me I’m fine.
What he doesn’t tell me is that I am fine for my age.
He may intimate that my blood work looks like that of someone half my age, but this doesn’t give me license to act like it.
TRANSLATION: “Keep doing what you’re doing, and be happy you’re not facing hip and shoulder replacements, herniated discs or arthritis like most people your age…”
That’s a tough pill to swallow, but everything’s relative.
Almost everything I do I not supposed to be doing, but because it hasn’t killed me, I keep doing it.
With this in mind, here are 3 life tenets I live by.
They’ve helped guide me through thick and thin and I’m still here to tell the tale:
1] “To Thine Own Self Be True…”
Yea, Shakespeare got it right.
So did Aristotle…“Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, being nothing.”
The first thing I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older is that burying things you feel strongly about is toxic.
You have to believe in yourself and be willing to place yourself in the line of fire for your convictions.
If no one ever did this, there would be little great art, music or literature, to name just three.
Life is not a popularity contest. It’s about standing for something, and not abandoning it when the blow-back begins.
This is what tests the meddle of a person’s life.
It elicits respect from all people who know that taking strong positions on anything is tough, particularly as a species that seeks safety and security above all else.
Tough decisions are the bane of every winner.
2] Athletics are not just for the young.
You think you’re too old to throw a Frisbee, swim 1000 yards in a pool, or perform a box jump?
If so, you probably are.
For everyone else, it’s open season.
Just because you’re no longer 20 doesn’t mean you can’t workout, and, in many cases, dust people half your age.
Life does not come with a manual that tell us what we can and can’t do at certain stages of life.
We do.
Going back to #1, if you don’t have the fire in your belly to take a stand for yourself, life will stand on top of you.
Take what your body will give you, and when it won’t give another inch, find another approach to the same challenge.
There are always work-a rounds.
If one joint is inflamed, find another way to perform an exercise that doesn’t hurt so that it can recover.
This is all academic. But so many older guys I know throw up the white flag.
The moment they do this, life takes twice its toll over the same course of time.
That’s also academic.
You get back what you put in.
3] Be good to the people close to you.
The people who stand by you are the ones you owe your life to.
They deserve your support and your love.
Going back to what I said about human beings seeking safety and security, just know that the entire world can be against you and those closest are enough to withstand the fire.
All we really need in life are people we can count on, who love us, and who have our backs when things get really tough.
Nurture those relationships and you’ll never lose a dime to nature even if it kills you.
~~~
I’ll leave you with this:
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-the-need-for-approval-to-start-thriving/
14 Foods to Kick to the Curb [along with the tire around your waist]
Occasionally I run across a health-related article that’s both accurate and easy-to-read.
The following is from Men’s Fitness and covers the generalities without killing you with fine print.
The only problem is that you’ll have to sit through a ton of ads every 2 minutes to complete it, so I’ll save you the aggravation:
http://www.mensfitness.com/nutrition/what-to-eat/14-foods-to-kick-out-of-the-kitchen-forever
~~~
Most Boomers I know stopped eating most of the following foods because they are hypochondriacs like me, and therefore, spend an inordinate amount of time balancing health with destiny.
They read, they get annual physicals, and go to the gym regularly like other normal middle-aged people who live in large urban settings.
No wonder urbanites who occasionally visit a WalMart for a last minute gift for a 6-year-old post “people” pictures to Pinterest of creatures who could well be descendants of another species.
Okay, for the list:
1] White or “multi-grain” bread
When I was a kid growing up in New Orleans, french bread was a staple.
We’d toast it with butter and call it a meal.
Of course, were were kids and pretty much immune to anything we ate, unless the only thing we ate was crap, in which case we were also screwed.
These days, life is not as forgiving.
Everything we consume comes with ten times the impact.
For example, white bread contains zero while grains for cardiovascular protection, and spike blood sugar levels. [see white rice].
Leave it on the shelf or get a leather bound insulin container with your initials embossed on it.
2] Ready-to-eat breakfast cereal
“Healthy” is a term manufacturers use to sell products.
Understand that 4 grams of sugar on a label equates to 1 teaspoon of added sugar in reality.
It’s up to you to read.
3] Fat free pretsels
Pretzels are full of basically nothing, so consuming an entire bag in a single sitting is not uncommon.
Try 49 pistachios, instead.
They’re packed with nutrients, so eating 49 of them equates to half the bag of pretzels.
Of course, if you can limit yourself to a few pretzels, no harm no foul.
But good luck with that.
4] White rice
Stripped of nutrients, fiber and antioxidants, white rice does nothing but spike blood sugar and insulin, leading to fat storage.
There is no upside for white rice unless you’re about to perform wind sprints on an empty stomach.
5] Generic peanut butter
If it’s not absolutely, positively natural, there are usually trans fats in peanut butter.
Even if the label says ‘zero trans fats,’ if it’s fully hydrogenated, there can still be 0.5 grams of trans fats.
Try the natural alternative.
It’s more expensive, but far less expensive in long-term medical bills.
6] Trail mix
Who doesn’t grab a bag of trail mix before hitting the road or airways?
It looks like the healthiest snack on the planet.
It isn’t, particularly if it has chunks of chocolate and dried fruit, which are sky-high in sugar.
A better alternative is to make it yourself, and store it for your next outing.
7] Canned corn
What the hell is canned corn?
I remember eating it as a kid, but like I said, “as a kid.”
No sane adult eats canned corn because they know it has enough starch to choke a pig.
Try green beans if you have to eat something out of a can.
8] Plain pasta sauce in a jar
The great thing about canned pasta sauce is that it usually has lots of prostate-healthy lycopene.
But it also has enough salt to drive your blood pressure through the roof.
Marinara sauce is a better choice.
9] White pasta
Like anything else you est that’s white, it’s stripped of everything, including fiber and bran.
Try whole-wheat pasta, quinoa, black or brown rice and whole grain couscous.
10] Canned soup
Think 800 grams of sodium and this should put an end to the discussion.
Try a low-sodium alternative.
11] Traditional beef jerky
Pretty much any food product you buy in a convenience store is guaranteed to kill you prematurely.
It’s cheap, over-processed and bereft of any nutritional value.
Your best bet is to fork over the money and buy healthy beef jerky at 10 times the price, but 1000 times the nutritional benefits.
12] Cereal bars
A 4-oz cereal bar can contain up to 30g of sugar.
Try hearty bars with ingredients you can clearly see.
13] Powdered coffee creamer
If you use coffee creamer, I’m sorry.
What you’re putting into your body is empty calories, fat, sugar, and salt.
This is idiotic.
Just drink it black until you can locate some actual milk.
14] Movie theater-style popcorn
It’s full of trans fats and loaded with butter.
Try air-popped popcorn and enjoy a snack filled with a healthy dose of fiber.
~~~
Look, eating healthy is not that difficult, but it can be a pain in the ass for those of you not used to reading – or caring about – labels.
Just remember, life doesn’t care about you.
You have to care about you for life will pay you back.
Self-Acceptance the Antidote for Existential Annihilation.
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You can’t please everyone.
THE GOOD NEWS: Accept yourself for who you are and it won’t matter.
~~~
Children seek the approval of their parents, while adolescents seek the approval off their peers.
Down the road we all seek the approval of our employers and/or clients if we want to keep our jobs.
But what happens to adults who rely solely on parental approval?
Why do we care?
Because on a certain level, all of us want to feel secure, both physically and emotionally.
But external affirmation is a slippery slope, keeping us in a state of emotional vulnerability.
We never grow up.
We’re frozen in time and space where nothing changes.
Eventually, we morph into facsimiles of our parents. We become clones, if you will.
The person inside never climbs out from the shadows, and for all intents and purposes, they die.
Just another seamless line of wallpaper on an endless wall.
The greatest achievers of our time set out on missions to accomplish certain objectives that were important to them, not to anyone else.
This is particularly true of writers, musicians, actors, entertainers of all kinds, where parents looked upon their life choices with disdain.
The classic case is the parent who wants their kid to carry the torch for the family business, but he or she decides instead to pursue science, research…or the culinary arts?
If that child – and all others – were trapped in the cycle of “parental approval” humanity world would be bled white of its individuality.
Does anyone think that great art comes from a parents pat on the back?
Hardly.
That only happens after they’re successful, then they’re praised in exchange for a house in a better neighborhood.
All I can say for men my age who didn’t have the courage to be themselves is I’m sorry.
I’m sorry you’re depressed that life wasn’t the rose garden you imagined.
I’m sorry you have nothing to say for yourself other than you were an obedient son, an obedient adult.
Now you know why no one respects you, including you.
The true blessing of children is their individuality, which should be embraced above all else.
Of course, if they start killing the neighborhood cats, I might suggest boundaries that have nothing whatsoever to do with their interests.
For everyone else, gay or straight, painter or attorney, your life is yours to live as you see fit.
In the end, we’ll all be better off for it.
Godspeed.
Radical Acceptance a Problem for Boomers [Like Me]
One of the four options you have for any problem is Radical Acceptance (Linehan, 1993). Radical acceptance is about accepting of life on life’s terms and not resisting what you cannot or choose not to change. Radical Acceptance is about saying yes to life, just as it is.
~~~
I have a personal trainer who pushes me hard. Really hard. Three days a week we train for an hour, followed by 30 minutes of “homework” [support exercises] I do on my own. If I were 25 this would be a slam-dunk. Add 3 decades to that and not so much.
The problem for me is that I still resist where I am.
Let me restate that: I resent where I am, and, therefore, I resist it.
Case in point: On Friday we were doing vertical box jumps. I say “we” because I like to grab a bunch of kids half my age to do things like this with me to gauge my abilities against people who should be able top smoke me, but often don’t. It kind of my way of figuring out where I am in the scheme of things, athletically. Anyway, I had just completed a 36” jump when they decided to raise the bard 4 inches. Okay, I thought to myself, no big deal. It’s only 4 inches. I can nail this.
Side note: Truly athletic Boomers in the range of 60 are virtually non-existent. The ones who are, “juice” [i.e., take steroids], which makes up for some of the lost time, but never enough of it. But I don’t “juice,” which means I’m working with what I was born with and carved out over time.
So, back to the box jumps.
Two 20-something athletes before me barely made the jumps, and feeling immortal [I assume], I decided it was time to set the record straight on misconceptions about older men.
I approached the box knowing that I had done several sets before it, without incident, in spite of the soreness in my hamstrings from the previous Wednesday’s leg workout. My knees weren’t tucking the way they should have, but screw it, I was going in.
I raised my hands above my head as I readied myself to force them down to my sides, propelling me upward, when I stopped.
Something wasn’t quite right. I had to get my head in this if I was going to clear the edge of the monolith in front of me.
So I took a few seconds to compose myself, breathe, and visualize the jump.
This time, I approached the box with more determination and focus, as an audience stood around to watch this eccentric older man battle reality with a vengeance.
Again, I approached the box, raised my hands, took a deep breath…and jumped.
On the way up I could feel my left hamstring tighten slightly and all hell broke loose. My right leg cleared the edge perfectly, but my left foot hit the side of the box, forcing my shin into the hard foam cover a block of wood, and forcing me forward. The entire box collapsed with me along with it. I rolled twice and then stood up like a champ with a growing hematoma [a solid swelling of clotted blood within the tissues] on my left leg the size of a grapefruit.
I received applause for the effort and follow-through, but came away with the realization that not only was I not 25, but that I was in over my head.
While I could still outperform most guys my age by a wide margin, the kids were blowing me away.
“Not in everything!” I told myself, because it was true.
But what I failed to consider was the fact that, with the proper training, many of them would leave me in the dust. I was simply better trained no matter what the age difference happened to be.
This is textbook denial.
While I do accept the fact that I am older, and thus, less able to accomplish the feats of athleticism I could decades ago, I still try, thinking that I will somehow conquer the odds and land on my feet, instead of the floor.
Some will argue that without the belief in oneself, nothing would ever be accomplished. But there is a difference between running a Fortune 500 company and doing a 40” box jump.
Yea, I like the irony in that, too.
~~~
Here is reality for me in a few bullet points. If I don’t practice radical acceptance on a daily basis, I’ll end up in a mental institution.
Here we go:
1] Age.
Unless you’ve been here, walking a planet for damn near 60 years is an existential nightmare.
You have to get past the fact that time is not a figment of your imagination, so no matter how much you deny it, it keeps marching with or without you.
2] Skin, teeth, hair and nails.
Suffice to say, just looking at a high school photograph of yourself next to a recent photo-op at a gala is enough to trigger a 911 call.
Get a grip. It happens to all of us, and no one likes it.
3] Energy, recovery and fitness.
You’re no longer a kid no matter how much testosterone pellets you have imbedded in your butt.
This means that your physical condition is subject to the passage of time – no matter what the quacks who prescribe the aforementioned testosterone tell you.
4] Your children are younger than you are.
This one is particularly difficult for many because, on a certain level, they feel like children themselves.
But radical acceptance teaches us that no matter how strong one’s delusions happen to be, reality doesn’t give a damn about fantasy – and in this context – neither do your kids.
5] Sex.
You may have noticed that your sex life is – let’s just say – different than it used to be.
There are workarounds, of course.
ED meds will soon be stacked next to aspirin bottles at CVS, and medical science has a quick fix for everything else.
But the intense desire to copulate like a wild animal is now a more subtle compulsion that encourages us to think before we act.
This is an adaptation that helps preserve wealth in the middle years when faltering egos are most susceptible to the exploits of gold diggers.
~~~
If you need more, fill them in for yourself.
I’m not that masochistic.
Harmful Drinking Patterns are Common in Affluent Older Adults
According to the online journal BMJ Open, “active, affluent people over age 50 in the U.K. appear to be at greater risk for harmful drinking behaviors than their less successful peers…”
The full extract here:
http://bmjopen.bmj.com/content/5/7/e007684.full?sid=989311e3-556b-4eb3-9c81-e705b3169fe6
“…a 10-year study of alcohol use transitions among men aged between 50 and 65 in the USA reported that the different trajectories of risk were associated with age, education, smoking, binge drinking, depression, pain and self-reported health.”
The defined risk of harmful drinking following the guidelines set out by the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE).
NICE has defined the following levels of risk of harmful drinking:
Lower risk drinking: ≤21 units per week (adult men) or ≤14 units per week (adult women).
Increasing-risk drinking: 22≤50 units per week (adult men) or 15≤35 units per week (adult women).
Higher risk drinking: >50 alcohol units per week (adult men) or >35 units per week (adult women).
Note: One alcohol unit is measured as 10ml or 8g of pure alcohol. This equals one 25ml single measure of whiskey (ABV 40%), or a third of a pint of beer (ABV 5-6%) or half a standard (175ml) glass of red wine (ABV 12%).
~~~
So
1] Time
Most of the men I know drink more because they have more time to play.
They don’t have to get up every day at 4 am to work in the coal mines, or sit behind a desk and look alert at an office farm.
Time is at their disposal.
2] Money
The great thing ab0ut money is that you can buy a lot of things without thinking much about it.
Liquor comes to mind.
Add time to money and you have lots of exotic vacations where people drink at all hours of the day and night, including room service at 2 am.
3] Active Social Lives
Affluent older men attend galas, cocktail parties, and cultural events of all kinds where alcohol is served.
During the cultural season we could be talking about 4 or 5 events during the course of any given week.
4] Boredom
What the hell else are you going to do at night when you don’t have any particular time you have to go to bed?
A glass of wine or two over Law and Order sounds logical to me.
5] Depression
Existential pain is a bitch and one way to fight it is to drown your sorrows in another depressive.
It sells itself.
I could go on with this, but you get the picture.
Clear and Present Signs of Exercise Addiction in Older Men [and women]
I know a few older men [and women] who would rather die than miss a workout.
This is because missing a workout is worse than death.
http://breakingmuscle.com/sports-psychology/are-you-addicted-to-exercise-the-tell-tale-signs
~~~
There are quite a few exercise-addicted older men with whom I share a gym acquaintance.
It could be argued that I myself am an exercise addict to the extent that I train 6 days a week for 1 hour, sometimes 2, rather than 5 or 6!, which is not uncommon to many.
Most of the men in question are single – always single – principally because there is no room for anything – or anyone – else.
Even pets.
Exercise releases endorphins and the hormone Serotonin, which one tends to get used to – or addicted to – as the case may be.
Eventually the highs take over one’s life and everything else becomes meaningless.
Just ask anyone at AA what it feels like not to have drugs at their disposal.
~~~
John [not his real name] is 58 years of age and prides himself on his ability to run 5 miles before hitting the gym, where he performs hand stand push-ups and double-under jumping jacks to the amazement of everyone around him.
In this sense, he’s his own circus act.
His thin, muscular frame, and gymnastic abilities, earn him the respect and admiration of his peers, which is all he needs to side-step existential pain.
For a little while he can forget about his aging wife, his kids, his financial obligations.
In essence, he becomes someone else.
But eventually he has to go back to the “other” reality.
For some the transition is seamless.
For others, it’s like that classic Twilight Zone episode where the old woman lives through television re-runs of herself as a beautiful young actress, imagining that nothing has changed.
A married man with a family doesn’t have that luxury.
Now visualize a single man with time on his hands, and exercise addiction become a full-blown psychosis.
No wonder I see the same anorexics, bulimics and exercise addicts appear at my gym day after day, year after year; until one day they show up on crutches after a hip replacement – or just disappear altogether.
When people inquire as to their whereabouts, the refrain is always the same:
“They died doing what they loved.”
I guess one could say the same of heroin addicts.
Every addict has an excuse for dying, though they don’t couch it that way.
In the end, there is a razor thin line between exceptional fitness and clinical addiction.
ARE YOU AN EXERCISE ADDICT?
Seven factors are assessed and it’s something for you fitness junkies to consider:
Tolerance: Do you need more and more to achieve the same effects?
Withdrawal: Do you experience increased agitation, fatigue, and tension if you don’t exercise?
Intention Effect: Do you exercise for longer than intended on most trips to the gym?
Lack of Control: Do you have difficulty scaling back the duration and intensity of exercise?
TimeSpent: Do you spend huge amounts of time on fitness related activities?
Reduction of Other Pursuits: Is exercising too much affecting other parts of your life? (social, work, relationships)?
Continuance Despite Injury: Do you train even when you are injured?
Final Notes:
It’s been my experience that all exercise addicts my age would answer yes to all of the above.
Adding fuel to the fire, they “supplement” their fitness regimes with testosterone injections, HGH and anabolic steroids when the effects of aging begin to present.
This helps perpetuate the cycle long after nature fails them.
But longevity isn’t the name of the game in this world.
Escape is.
~~~
A few highlights from the article that all of us who have, at one time or another, crossed the line into exercise addiction know well:
1] We are often sick, injured or depressed.
2] We define our happiness by our bodies and level of fitness.
3] Our relationships suffer [or don’t exist at all]
4] We train like pros, but aren’t [so why?]
Training in proper measure is one of life’s most rewarding [and sensible] choices.
It’s not easy, and it does require major adjustments in lifestyle habits, but it must be balanced against everything else in life.
From personal experience, I can attest to the fact that if you don’t keep an eye on BALANCE, your life will get smaller and smaller and smaller until it’s just you and a bunch of codependent addicts enabling the cycle of addiction as the world passes you by.
Then again, if you can afford to run down the clock without having to worry about friends, family, spouses [or even a dog], we’ll all just do what we always do, which is use you as examples of what exercise addiction looks like, and why therapy is a better alternative.
The Truth About Online Dating at Middle Age
If you think delusion was rampant among adolescents, try this!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michelle-martin/online-dating-profile_b_7524482.html
I talk to older men all the time about their online dating exploits and its never pretty, mostly because the women in question bear no resemblance to the ones in the profiles.
As for older women, they seem to have a better time of it – at least in the short run – because while the men are generally polite and attentive, they tend to disappear after the check’s signed.
So what’s up?
As I enumerate, ad nausea, in my new book, Urban Dystrophy [Amazon], expectations always supersede reality.
The article cites a pet peeves of men, the usual suspects:
1] Too many pets.
2] Photoshopped images.
3] Looking for perfection.
4] Claim to be athletic, but aren’t.
5] Presenting boudoir shots while demanding respect.
6] Complaining about men.
~~~
Let’s break this down:
1] Many women acquire pets when men fail to live up to their expectations.
After enough defeated expectations, many women turn to animals and call it a family.
I’ve dated a few of these, and believe me when I tell you, it’s a nightmare for any man. Not only does he have to deal one manifestation of her PTSD, but he’s also dealing with her “kids.”
So why does she want a man when she already has animals?
2] Photoshopping is a pandemic not unlike the black plague, but with a higher emotional kill rate.
Women Photoshop-to-death virtually every image they post of themselves after the age of 40.
By the time they hit 45, their skin looks like Barbie’s molded rubber face.
Men know all about this, which is why they should demand a driver’s license number and birth certificate.
Women set themselves up for disaster knowing full well that men see with their eyes first before they consider anything else, including everything else.
3] Prince Charming does not exist at this juncture in life.
Now you’re balancing commodities, one against another. If the plus column is bigger than the minus column, consider yourself lucky.
I know it sounds weird, but most men had lives before they met you.
Now they have mortgages, therapy bills and a bipolar ex or two lurking just around the corner.
No matter what they look like, just know that what you see is rarely what you get.
On a final note, they have the same expectations in their heads and are ten times more likely to pay for what they can find on the Internet.
4] “Athletic and toned” is the buzz-phrase for every woman who wants a man, any man.
Here’s a quote on this topic from my new book:
“…a woman who runs five miles a day may think she’s in great shape, in spite of the fact that she doesn’t have great shape. Athletic accomplishments don’t balance emaciation, stretch marks, and sun damage no matter how you spin it.”
I always suggest to women that they ignore what men tell them about how perfect their bodies are, and instead, focus their attention on whether or not the phone rings after the first date.
5] Boudoir shots against a backdrop of “I want a serious relationship” are a contradiction in strategy.
Men see half naked shots as an open invitation to exploit what appears to be an Internet sex addiction, not meet a woman who’s open-minded in the bedroom.
Keep in mind that shots posted on the internet are, in fact, on the internet! Not in a scrapbook! Does any man with a reputation to uphold want those shots of you all over cyberspace?
6] Bitching about men is like telling everyone your best days are behind you.
We’ve all had bad break-ups, crappy dates, defeated expectations.
But any kid will tell you that the one thing that reveals a person’s age more than anything else is the constant bitching.
Young people don’t bitch because they’re young. Old people do bitch because they’re old.
Got it?
Bottom line, nobody wants to inherit your toxic waste anymore than they want to care for your parakeets.
SUMMARY
Older men already know that older women who post online profiles are probably in deep water.
When a woman is in her early 30’s its fine because many are steeped in their careers and have little time to meet and mingle.
But once a woman hits her mid 40’s, think of it as a suspect line-up.
This is why the best policy for older women trawling the internet for dates is as follows:
1] State your age [fudging 1 or 2 years is fine. 10 should constitute a class-1 felony.
2] State your education, including degrees from online institutions.
3] State any clinical diagnosis, including personality disorders.
4] State the number of marriages that have failed.
5] State the number of children you have, and don’t state that they’re the “love of your life” or the guy will run away from what he perceives to be an already established family.
6] State your financial situation [i.e., I’m broke and looking for a job, or I’m currently unemployed].
What an older man wants to hear from an older woman is something along the lines of “I have my own business and don’t need you to pay my mortgage.”
7] If you are fit as you state, he’ll see it in your photos. So make sure they are close-up…and crystal clear.
If you attempt to overly indulge in Photoshop, he’ll see that too.
8] Many women state very specific age preferences, which is about as ludicrous as it sounds, given the fact that what they have to barter is less than what most successful older men have to tolerate.
Of course, if you’re Madonna, you can find a gold-digger who’ll love you for who you are.
Get real.
We all have to after a certain point.