“Love is a Concept Invented by Poor People…” Seeking Arrangement Founder, Brandon Wade

“By encouraging people to find and negotiate an arrangement, we hope to create modern relationships based on open-mindedness, open communication, brutal honesty and transparent expectations.”

“This is the future of dating.” BW

http://www.cnn.com/2014/09/25/opinion/seeking-arrangement-ceo-on-love/

Ashley reminds me of someone I once dated, also an entrepreneur.

~~~

Now understand something here: The woman posing with Mr. Wade in the above photo would have no problem waltzing right over his dead body if he weren’t filthy rich.

I don’t mean this in any negative way, but Mr. Wade had to make himself valuable in order to earn visibility, which everyone understands and appreciates.

This revelation set him ablaze with passion to acquire the one asset that would act as a carbon credit for whatever he lacked elsewhere.

Next thing you know, he goes meteoric and declares “love is a concept created by the poor!” before heading off to CNN for an interview.

By the way, a rough translation of his statement is If you don’t have money, no one will love you, which is why poor people created it in the first place.

Okay. Whatever. I get it. We get it. Pretty much all of us, really.

Baby Boomers like myself suffer physical attrition after enough water’s under the bridge.

Fortunately, though, many of us are able to leverage money and power against the cost of aging and manage to stay square with the gods.

Now you know why seekingarrangement.com claims 1.9 million subscribers…and climbing.

On a general note, there is absolutely nothing novel about prostitution.

Whether you couch it as “Hey, I just need a little help with college,” or “Hey, want a blowjob?” you’re still hooking.

Having said this, everything these days is relative.

Just how relative depends on the price tag.

The more you spend, the more normal everything seems.

On a related note, most of the women my peers end up with are passed from one older man to the next within their own immediate peer group.

This is because the women in question are known commodities who’ve been properly vetted, and therefore, predictable within reason.

The downside is that there is often a limited supply of such women within certain demographics, which usually triggers bidding wars resulting in some of the best television fodder on the planet.

Testosterone Replacement Therapy for Baby Boomers as Common as Flu Shots

Take a look at Mel Gibson in the above photo.

Notice the vascular character of his arms, veins running like ship rope over rock.

This look is not uncommon for men in their 20’s [with testosterone levels well north of 1000], but it is impossible for 60-year-old men with levels in the 300-400 range, which is pretty much all of us, plus or minus a few.

The only exceptions I have ever seen [and remember folks, I photographed national fitness magazine covers and editorials for 10 years of my career], are men who took steroids early on in their careers and built the framework for what we now see.

Without the drugs, there would be no “framework’ to speak of.

After a while, you can spot users a mile off.

But what’s really interesting about all of this is that taking testosterone is becoming so commonplace that I can envision supermarkets like Kroger offering weekly injections along with flu shots, because like the flu, aging sucks and in many cases leads to death.

~~~

Here’s the hook most commonly used to encourage testosterone use:

Anybody, regardless of occupation, can receive testosterone replacement therapy if he experiences symptoms of Low-T.

Please read the above statement carefully.

It says, “if he experiences symptoms of Low-T,” not “if he has Low-T.”

In other words, no blood test necessary.

There is a difference between feeling more fatigued at 60 than you did at 20. It’s called nature, which is more an annoyance than anything else, and therefore testosterone supplementation is a perfectly rational course of action…like recommending 30 minutes a day on a treadmill for diabetics.

I have many friends who self-administer weekly testosterone injections. Others opt for patches, pills and other delivery systems, but injections seem to be the most preferred method.

When asked what they “take” [because it’s so damn obvious], most claim to be “all natural.”

What this actually means is that they are taking “bio-identical” testosterone, manufactured in labs to mimic testosterone produced by the human body.

The interesting news is that because testosterone use has become so commonplace, most people just say “I’m taking 1cc a week of testosterone, so nothing really.”

I know that many of you don’t believe a word of this. Why would you?

You live in a world where people go to work, raise families, play golf and fade in ways designed by nature.

You accept the fact that you don’t look the way you did 30 years ago.

You try to eat right, exercise when you can and pray you don’t drop dead before your 60th birthday.

This is normal.

Most people don’t expect life to go on and on the way it used to…until now.

~~~

I have a good friend who is on an elaborate “supplement cocktail,” which has led to explosive mass and strength.

He knows the risks, but in his mind the rewards far outweigh them.

I don’t judge him. We all live our lives the way we choose, and as long as we treat one another with dignity and respect, I support him in any way I can.

If he were using heroin, I would do the same.

In the end, the litany of potential side-effects fade along with the side-effects from taking a daily aspirin.

The rationale is that life is dangerous, but that shouldn’t stop any of us from living it.

Using this rationale, testosterone use is relative, like getting out of bed.

~~~

Target Consumers of Testosterone Replacement Therapy:

1] People in law enforcement.

2] Affluent older men with the financial resources available to offset the cost of “aging gracefully.”

3] Young men and women in professional athletics.

4] Bullied young men who seek revenge against their tormentors.

5] People who have unnaturally low testosterone levels as measured by several blood tests.

How Not to Keep a Good Man Down.

What I’m about to tell you cuts a deep swath between what you were and what many of you are becoming.

Most men don’t have the balls to say [out loud] any of what I’m about to tell you, but saying it is the only way to help catalyze change in what’s often a foot-dragging passage into twilight.

Buckle up.

~~~

Over these past decades I’ve learned a few things about being a man that weigh on all of us after enough water’s under the bridge.

The first is the personal assessment quiz, where we sum up all of our perceived accomplishments and hope that our backstories are sellable on the open market.

I say ‘open market’ because unless you live in a vacuum, you have an audience that determines your viability. I know. This sounds like every psychiatrist’s worst nightmare, but it’s still true.

We live in a society filled with people, not open land filled with livestock.

Remember, this is a blog about urban life, not rural isolationism.

In this world, our world, we need to matter. Some call it relevance. And while many claim this to be an exercise in pure nihilism and self-destruction, it’s critical to our emotional well being that we see our lives as having been well spent.

The resulting self-esteem becomes our fuel, our motivation to go on long after the glory years of imagined immortality and endless promise have passed.

But let me reiterate that we must pass muster with the world around us before we get the fuel. We can’t just fantasize it into being.

The world around us is a cold, objective force. It sees us as fully formed entities, each with a script in our hands that we read to ourselves before closing our eyes at night, hoping our dreams don’t contradict the plot lines.

Appreciating the gravity of this is an essential part of maintaining dignity no matter how much you try to ignore or deny it.

Okay, so let’s say we’re happy with what we’ve done with our lives up to this juncture. We have financial security and we’re proud of what we’ve done.

Great.

Now what?

Now we have to figure out how to maintain what we’ve built so it doesn’t all come crashing down on top of us.

I’m talking about our physical health, and more specifically, our physical being; how we see ourselves relative to those around us, no matter what their age.

Like everything else in my life, I need to feel in possession of myself physically, to be physically strong, in control, and able to defend myself.

I’m sure that more than a few of you reading this will wonder why men our age [Baby Boomers] should give a crap about what sounds like an older man’s delusions of grandeur, but I don’t know any of you.

The men I do know care. A lot. They don’t want to be walked all over like party confetti. They live with purpose and dignity.

And while a few engage in endurance sports, especially anorexics, who swap one addiction for another, the answer lies in the weight room. Yes, being a man means lifting heavy weight. I know I know. I’m a superficial jackass who has no idea what brings true fulfillment to anyone but myself, but you’re still dead wrong.

Many of the men I’m around are luminaries in their respective fields, ranging in age from late 40’s to early 80’s. But one thing they share is a desire to build and/or maintain physical strength. In other words, no matter what they’ve done, if they’re wasting away it’s irrelevant. Soon, self esteem will erode away all that they’ve built, and they’ll end up dead long before you read about them in the obituaries.

This brings to mind a guy in my gym in his early 80’s who is not only a celebrated surgeon, but a world champion masters power lifter.

You think he feels irrelevant?

The respect he receives from people around him is palpable.

My motto: Be strong, live well.

Our personal lives are the final cog in our wheels of fortune. While I cannot pretend to speak for gay men and their relationships, I do know a thing or two about living with women, which is kind of like living with an extraterrestrial biological life form, identical human DNA, notwithstanding.

Like #1 and #2, how we feel in the context of our relationships is inextricably tied to how we feel as men.

The first thing we men know about ourselves is that our egos are fragile, particularly when we feel vulnerable. Thus, we need our masculinity validated daily. We need to feel loved; we need to feel attractive; and we need to feel capable.

That’s a lot of need, but miss an ounce of it at your peril.

Memorize this list so you don’t lose it:

A] Admire Us.

Compliment us on the things we’re good at and our physical qualities. Beat on us and we’ll stop making the house payments.

B] Brag on Us

The first time I heard a woman complaining about her husband’s “many” shortfalls, I suggested he leave her. In my mind, she breached the trust and left him out to dry.

C] Ask For Our Help

Ask us to show you how to do something or to give you advice on a tough situation. We’ll be more than happy to show you, believe me.

D] Never, Ever Cut Us Down No Matter What.

Make you man feel like an idiot and he will show you the door. Men have massive egos. Why this is I don’t know, but suspect it has something to do with having to kill things so the rest of his primordial family didn’t starve to death.

Never, ever discredit us or make snide comments about our appearance, abilities or performances, particularly around others.

E] Learn How to Listen.

Men may not be as talkative as women are, but we still have things to say and emotions to vent or bad days we want to discuss. While we’re more about fixing things than just talking for the sake of being heard, sometimes we like being heard so we can justify fixing things.

F] Respect Us.

Respect builds the foundation of our relationships. Without it, we will look for it elsewhere, believe me. Incessant nagging comes to mind. It’s like rat poison for human relationships.

G] Believe In Us

We want the women in our lives to be our biggest cheerleaders. We’ll do anything for someone who believes in us. Even if what we try to do doesn’t succeed by someone else’s standards, the fact that we gave it our best shot deserves praise and love.

H] Do Little Things For Us

Whether you leave a love note somewhere we’ll find it, stuff an Oreo under our pillow…or just wear something that we can’t seem to live without, JUST DO IT!

FINAL THOUGHTS

As men get older it’s even more important to affirm us. First, because we are no longer 25. Second, because no matter what we act like, we’re no longer in college and running track for NYU.

Of course, back then we were flat broke, our trust factor was zero, and and our apartments resembled the wolf dens you see at natural science museums across the country.

As women who’ve spent your fair share of time with men, you already know all these things.

This is just a reminder.

No Signs of Slowing Down for Older Athletes

George Haywood, 63, took home the gold in the 300-meter hurdles at the World Masters Athletic Championships last summer in Lyon, France. (Katherine Frey / The Washington Post)

http://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/health/sc-fitness-golden-years-health-0224-20160216-story.html

For you skeptics, naysayers and apologists out there…

Drug Testing

Drug testing will be conducted at Perth 2016, following the procedures outlined by World Masters Athletics.

If selected for drug testing Competitors must declare any/all medications being used by them on the doping control form. Any athlete using a prohibited substance as defined in the Regulations, must apply for an exemption (TUE) to the WMA Anti-Doping and Medical Committee. Athletes taking or requiring exemption for a prohibited substance must apply to the WMA Medical Officer (Dr. Martine Prévost) for a TUE exemption (17 rue Léon Roby FR-87000 LIMOGES: FRANCE. Tel: 0033 607 949 507, email: prevost.ma@wanadoo.fr ) If an exemption is refused, the prohibited substance(s) concerned must not be used and should you be selected for testing and the test proves positive this may result in a suspension. Please note that no other medical certificate(s) will be accepted in substitution for a TUE certificate. If you are granted a TUE exemption certificate, this must be with you at all times along with proof of identification, and must be produced at the Doping Control Centre if you are selected for a drug test. Details of prohibited substances and all Anti-Doping procedures are available on the IAAF (www.iaaf.org) website, the WMA (www.world-masters-athletics.org) website and your IAAF Affiliated Federation. The Competitor’s Handbook in Perth will also contain details of the Anti-Doping Procedures to be undertaken during the championships.

Sharp Increase in Older Men Going Under the Knife

While there has only been a two percent overall increase in plastic surgeries from 2009 to 2010, the number of male cosmetic procedures have increased dramatically, say statistics from the American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS).

The number of liposuction procedures performed on men rose seven percent, and the number of male facelifts doubled, by 14 percent.

Why such a relatively high increase in male procedures?

1[ Economic woes [i.e., keeping their jobs]

2] Media bombardment [i.e., if you can afford to look your best, why not?]

People often consider cosmetic procedures to be just for women, says northern CA-based men’s mental health expert Will Courtenay, PhD, LCSW, and author of Dying to Be Men.

Just as sex roles between men and women are changing—more fathers are active parents than they used to be, he maintains—so is interest in cosmetic surgery. “The fact is, manhood in America is changing rapidly,” Courtenay tells demo dirt. “And at least one in four men says he’d consider cosmetic surgery. And another one in five says he might. And for men, it’s often about staying in the race.”

Washington, DC-based facial plastic surgeon Houtan Chaboki, MD says that he has noticed an increase in men getting procedures, even though they still comprise less than ten percent of cosmetic patients.

Most common, he notes, is rhinoplasty, which people get for various reasons.

However, the fastest growing market is face lift surgery, Chaboki says.

“More men seeking plastic surgery want to appear younger and compete in the workplace,” he says.

“Some working men who actually feel full of energy have the perception that others at work may see them as older, [and] less adaptable to change in a fast-moving economy.”

Dermatologist Debra Jaliman, MD started doing Botox in 1991 and says that more and more men have been requesting the treatment, among other things.

“I find that now many years later more men are doing Botox and fillers and lasers and freezing their fat, “she says.

Jaliman agrees that the main reason is the economy. “We are in a competitive business environment and it’s also become more acceptable,” she adds.

The problems emerge when cosmetic surgery can’t remedy deeper-rooted self-esteem issues.

“Cosmetic surgery can be a misguided attempt to feel better,” Courtenay maintains. “Research shows that men who are dissatisfied with their physical appearance are more likely to suffer from poor self-esteem and depression. So, for these men, cosmetic surgery may make them look better, but they won’t feel better.”

The best surgery candidate, Courtenay says, is a man who is generally secure already.

SUMMARY

Whether it’s to gain that competitive edge, or just bolster an already healthy self-esteem, nips and tucks appear are the way forward for most urban men I know.

Get used to it. I have.

Nothing is as it seems anywhere, anymore.

Baby Boomer Suicide Rate Rising [as funds for concubines dries up]

http://www.healthline.com/health-news/baby-boomer-suicide-rate-rising-031515

The recent Great Recession was hard on almost everyone, but especially baby boomers [generation born between 1946-1964] who had decades of savings to invest.

Side note: Money is supposed to fill in all the existential angst after life exacts its pound of flesh and leaves us with less physical relevance.

Thus, it’s no surprise that a rising number of middle-aged people of that generation resorted to suicide as the weight of economic problems overwhelmed them.

Since that time baby boomers have had the highest rate of suicide of any age group in the United States, which is interesting given the fact that people between the ages of 40 and 64 have historically had one of the lowest rates.

Add to this conundrum the fact that baby boomers are now sliding head long into the over-65 demographic, which is ground zero for historically high suicide rates.

Put another way, if you don’t have money at this writing, you’re pretty much screwed.

According to the article, since the beginning of the Great Recession, 8.8 million jobs were lost, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Middle-aged people were disproportionately affected in terms of lost property value, household finances, and lost retirement savings.

Twenty-seven percent of those aged 50 to 64 experienced reduction in salaries, higher than any other age group.

On a related note, of those baby boomers who committed suicide from 2005 to 2010, 81 percent had prior mental health or substance abuse problems.

Although suicides for baby boomers could level out as the economy improves, experts say the fact this generation is entering older age is worrisome.

So now even if you have money, you’re too old to really enjoy it.

The key is not to let things get to a point of escalation. When people are suicidal, they’re rigid and not thinking clearly.

Dr. Jill Harkavy-Friedman, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention says, “The key is not to let things get to a point of escalation. When people are suicidal, they’re rigid and not thinking clearly.”

But she is wrong. They are thinking very clearly, which is the problem.

How do you talk an 80-year-old man without money out of hanging himself?

It doesn’t make sense. The man is thinking quite rationally, in my view. What’s the point of going on if you’re broke, and, for all intents and purposes, broken physically?

Is there any hope?

Not really.

From personal experience, I can give you 10 things older men [those over 65] can do to dramatically improve their mental health –– but we’re talking about older men who don’t have to worry about their next meal.

For such men, hope is everywhere because they can afford it.

More specifically, here are 10 ways to insure that it sticks around a long time:

1] Hit the gym on a daily basis, interact with people, and reduce stress. Exercise releases endorphins, which create feelings of happiness and euphoria without heroin. It also boosts self-esteem by providing a sense of physical relevance and self-possession that other older men lose along the way.

2] Check your testosterone levels. At this stage of the game “normal” levels probably aren’t enough. So boost them. Even if it leads to premature death, what the hell difference does it make is all you’re doing is dying in slow motion?

3] Be sexually active. If you’re bored with your wife, figure out how not to be bored with her. If she’s not interested, hire a surrogate wife. Many women I know provide “girlfriend experiences” with a full rate schedule they keep on Ipads. Many keep them in their gym bags. And for God’s sake, get a scrip for ED medication if you think you need it. Most 25-year-olds are using it, so why not you?

4] Don’t shy away from cosmetic improvements. If your teeth look like crap, fix them. If your jaws are hanging like liver from the sides of your face…facelift! Then there are fillers, micro-dermabrasion…I could go on. Just do it.

5] If you drive a Buick la Sabre, I can’t help you.

6] Do something you’ve always wanted to do, but for whatever reason haven’t. Nobody’s going to care if you decide to go back-packing in Yosemite after spending 40 years behind a desk.

7] When was the last time you went clothes shopping? Seriously. Most older men look old because they dress like people who should already be dead. Thus, I suggest you let your “girlfriend” decide what to buy. Pink pleated pants and golfing shirts are now customary attire for the dead at wakes, fyi.

8] Spend time around younger people whenever possible. It has been demonstrated time and time again that people become conditioned to their surroundings, which should not include graveyards and hospitals.

9] Stop talking about your aches and pains, and for God’s sake avoid the obituaries. Nobody wants to hear about your aging joints because only old people have aching joints no matter how ridiculous this sounds. And talking about the death of anyone but, for example, an otherwise youthful and healthy downhill skier is a buzzkill.

10] If you take yourself way too seriously and can’t remember the last time you laughed, you’re like the guy with the Buick.

I’ll give you 10 more in upcoming blogs…

The 60’s All Over Again

Flash-back to a time in history where members of the counterculture movement expressed their beliefs about property ownership by destroying others ’ property, building fences around said property, and living in communes with shared possessions.

Yea, that went well.

Today the same dynamic exists.

The human food chain marches on, fueled by those who proclaim solidarity with “duh people” only to steal it by using them as leverage and then consolidating personal power at their expense.

People fall for this crap all the time, which begs the question, why have they not been bred out of the human gene pool?

Back in the the day, the ones who survived all the street riots and general unrest went on to make fortunes, built mansions with walls and security cameras, and kick everyone out but hired help and mistresses.

So basically, nothing’s changed.

“Lyin’ Eyes” Reinterpreted

Don Henley was 28 when he and 27-year-old Glenn Frey wrote Lyin’Eyes.

The year was 1975.

The story goes that they were in their favorite LA restaurant/bar Dan Tana’s where they watched beautiful young women hitting on rich, older married men and decided to write about it.

From the vantage point of men in their 20’s, I can certainly understand their passionate disdain, as they felt entitled to the attention by virtue of youth alone.

Nonetheless, fast-forward to today’s urban world and I will comment on each verse from the perspective of an older man:

Henley/Frey

City girls just seem to find out early
How to open doors with just a smile
A rich old man
And she won’t have to worry
She’ll dress up all in lace and go in style

Comments:

City girls know exactly what they doing, which is why many of them are among the 1% without so much as a G.E.D., or discernible profession.

Late at night a big old house gets lonely
I guess every form of refuge has its price
And it breaks her heart to think her love is only
Given to a man with hands as cold as ice

Comments:

I have yet to meet a gold-digger who was unhappy in a 10 million dollar home. Not one. Furthermore, most don’t care what’s in a John’s heart, or even that he has one, as long as she gets to travel. Put another way, it’s a symbiotic relationship.

So she tells him she must go out for the evening
To comfort an old friend who’s feelin’ down
But he knows where she’s goin’ as she’s leavin’
She is headed for the cheatin’ side of town

Comments:

Most gold-diggers cheat. So what? As long as the John doesn’t find out what difference does it make? She’s still faithful to the arrangement.

You can’t hide your lyin’ eyes
And your smile is a thin disguise
I thought by now you’d realize
There ain’t no way to hide your lyin eyes

Comments:

Most men I know set specific parameters like anyone running a successful enterprise. Applicants sign employment contracts and live within the parameters.

On the other side of town a boy is waiting
With fiery eyes and dreams no one could steal
She drives on through the night anticipating
‘Cause he makes her feel the way she used to feel

Comments:

There will always be a boy somewhere waiting for pretty much anyone, anytime. It’s obviously not enough, so she parses.

She rushes to his arms; they fall together
She whispers that it’s only for awhile
She swears that soon she’ll be comin’ back forever
She pulls away and leaves him with a smile

Comments:

Unless he figures out how to make a bundle, he’ll only be a fleeting screw. Of course, most young guys who make a fortune when they’re young tend to go through women like water, so now who’s crying?

She gets up and pours herself a strong one,
And stares out at the stars up in the sky.
Another night, it’s gonna be a long one.
She draws the shade and hangs her head to cry.

Comments:

This is the funniest thing I have ever read. Her head is sitting in a $20,000 french armchair with a glass of champagne. Nice try, though.

She wonders how it ever got this crazy.
She thinks about a boy she knew in school.
Did she get tired or did she just get lazy?
She’s so far gone she feels just like a fool.

Comments:

Lazy? Are you insane? Women like this work their butt’s off to live like this. What? You think money just falls from trees?

My oh my, you sure know how to arrange things.
You set it up so well, so carefully.
Ain’t it funny how your new life didn’t change things?
You’re still the same old girl you used to be.

Comments:

Most insightful verse in the song. I’ve never known a gold-digger to change his or her stripes.

As young men, even they could see that people are what they do.

How Gold-Diggers Parse Love

The following account is real.

I bring this to you not because it news, but because it’s not:

~~~

Man:

Did you ever really love me?

GD:

Honestly, the first year of our relationship I was very much in love with you. We traveled all over the world, stayed in beautiful hotels, dined at great restaurants. It was wonderful. Then your business went downhill and we stopped doing things.

Man:

We stopped traveling but we still did things.

GD:

What things? We mostly stayed at home and watched movies.

Man:

So you were in love with the lifestyle.

GD:

You were the lifestyle.

~~~

Understand that many men are simply incapable of falling in love with any woman who doesn’t satisfy an exacting set of physical standards.

The problem is that gold-diggers have those standards etched into the fabric of their DNA, so they hold all the cards.

And people wonder why so many affluent older men become trapped in vicious cycles of defeated expectations, as they try to get “perfect” women to love them for who they are.

In my world, fortunes come and go every day, mostly under these circumstances.

Aging is a weird thing. We learn more about a lot of things, but the basics never change: love, lust, money, but in the reverse order.

Steven Tyler and New Girlfriend, Aimee Ann Preston

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3478638/GIRL-TOWN-Wrinkly-Aerosmith-Rocker-s-new-28-year-old-lover.html

Yes, there is an age difference. And no, I don’t care.

Tyler is 67. Preston, 28.

Ho hum.

But the media spins it for sensationalism: “Steven Tyler turned heads when he marched up the red carpet at the Oscar-viewing party thrown by Elton John’s Aids Foundation hand-in-hand with a younger mystery woman.”

Still ho hum.

Not to be deterred, the media adds even more flourish to this non-story: Aimee Ann Preston is a full decade younger than his actor daughter Liv!

Yea, and my girlfriend was born 10 years after I received my undergraduate degree at 23, and we’re still together 5 years on.

Ho hum, again.

Congratulations to Steven and Aimee.

I’m sure your relationship is everything but ho hum.

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