Posts Tagged → older women

Older Women and the Photo-Shopping Virus

For those of us who still visit Facebook from time to time, you’ll probably run across an image of a middle age woman who looks like she just graduated from high school.

To deny the heavy-handed retouching is like denying one’s own existence. Never-mind. It IS denying one’s actual existence.

But they do it anyway, because it’s an assertion of where they once were, courtesy of digital manipulation and social media.

The “ooohs and ahhhs” reflect a captive audience suffering the same affliction.

“Oh you look fabulous!” “You haven’t aged a bit in 30 years!” OMG, you’re GORGEOUS!”

Throwing that middle finger to reality in celebration who they once were just one final time feels so good.

But it’s a joke to everyone outside their core constituency.

Think pink pussy hats and this comes into even greater focus.

Personally, I respect older women [and men] who embrace their actual appearance in posted imagery.

Kate Moss is structurally beautiful, and anyone – particularly photographers like myself – appreciate her un-retouched beauty.

I bring all this up because the distinction between fantasy and reality is lost on so many otherwise beautiful older women.

The problem is that beautiful older women aren’t appreciated for their aged appearance. In fact, they are held in disdain, a clear and present existential threat in the minds of younger women who relish to power they wield.

I get it. We all do. Youth and beauty are today’s most trade-able commodities and women who don’t consciously leverage both are fucking insane.

To be continued shortly. Check back…

Wealthy Men Claim Cheating Makes Them Better Lovers

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4026718/Group-wealthy-men-claim-CHEATING-spouses-attractive-sugar-babies-attentive-husbands.html

This is a mostly ridiculous piece of filler tripe that panders to the free love narrative.

“It’s all good as long as you come home at night…at some point.”

This is crap.

Relationships are usually tugs of wars that, in the end, are far more fulfilling than they are anything else.

This is a good thing.

People who get bored with their spouses and decide that the best remedy is an affair are digressing back to the model of eroticism being the pinnacle of sexual achievement.

It is not anymore than a bump of heroin is the pinnacle of responsible decision making while in the throes of a depressive episode.

Men who take lovers – and vice versa – are escaping the hard work of relationship building, and they do take work like anything else worthwhile in life.

Short cuts always implode no matter how good the sex happened to be.

And while that memory may awaken something in an otherwise dormant relationship, it’s just the fantasy talking.

No one is better in bed, just more enthusiastic courtesy of a fleeting encounter.

And if anyone thinks their significant other doesn’t question the sudden change in mood, they’re delusional.

In short, affairs do nothing but bleed the life out of relationships no matter what your dick has to say about it.

How to Defy the Laws of Aging

Christie Brinkley, 62

http://www.msn.com/en-us/entertainment/celebrity/11-stars-over-50-who-are-defying-the-laws-of-aging/ss-AAlgyk0?li=BBnb7Kz

Anyone who’s had any exposure to people of means knows that any physical resemblance to average people is a stretch.

For example, it is not uncommon for 50-year-old women to look younger than her actual years.

No lines, exceptionally fit, tanned and polished to perfection.

This takes time, money and the right culture group to keep them motivated.

And believe me when I tell you, what they have to lose by not keeping themselves in exemplary condition far outweighs the alternative.

Having said all of this, as a veteran of these byways, I can spot a 50 or 60 year old women a mile off.

Sure, they look great for their age, and certainly better than their less well off contemporaries. But make no mistake about it: they still look 50 or 60.

So while Ms. Brinkley looks great for her age, she is still 62 no matter how great she looks for 62.

The same applies to me, by the way.

We look great by comparison to others, but we’re still where we are no matter what any plastic surgeon has to say about it.

Boomer Courtney Cox Throws in the Towel on Youth

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http://www.msn.com/en-us/tv/celebrity/courteney-cox-regrets-cosmetic-procedures-that-made-her-look-horrible/ar-BBvY4ev?li=BBnb7Kz

In my world, well maintained women of 50 look great.

50, still. But great.

And while, by comparison to average women, they look years younger, I can see them coming and going.

Problems arise when women lose touch with what people around them actually see when they look at them.

It’s kind of like older men in arrested adolescence who express shock when women half their age call them daddy.

Self-actualization is a hard pill to swallow, and it cuts both ways.

This is why therapy should be a part of maintenance. alongside dental visits and annual physicals.

Aniston Goes Nuclear at Middle Age

Jennifer-Aniston-People-Most-Beautiful-Woman-2016Jennifer Aniston is tired of being judged on her appearance.

I don’t blame her.

At some point we all bend over whether we like it or not.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3688255/PIERS-MORGAN-dear-Jennifer-fed-having-body-judged-stop-trying-make-look-Photoshop-perfect-magazine-covers.html

Bottom line here is you can’t have everything, always.

We get youth and beauty, but no money or experience.

Or we get them all at the same time, and then land in jail or rehab or dead.

But the way it usually works is we acquire money and experience over time, but fall apart physically, even if it just looks that way.

For people [like Ms. Aniston] who leveraged their looks to sell a brand, it’s a battle she will lose no matter how much she bitches about being objectified.

Nobody cares what her reaction to aging happens to be.

They only care about what she looks like, as she knows, hence the attitude.

Affluent 50 to 60-Something Men Still Choose Beauty First

Fabulous-Old-Man-Fashion-Looks-71

“…all older women hear (and thus believe) that older men are only looking for much younger women. OK, many of them are. But are they getting them? Not really, unless they’re wealthy and powerful. (And I have always believed that it’s good to identify those men and remove them from the 50-something dating pool ASAP; I’m not interested in men like that so move along, men, and good luck!”). Vicki Larson, journalist

I hate to tell you people this, but a simple fact can save you a lot of heartache:

Reasonably attractive, healthy and successful older men have lots of choices when it comes to choosing partners.

Too many, in most cases, which is why so many of them are single or serial monogamists, the emphasis on serial.

~~~

When it gets down to it, money and power are the great equalizers.

Conversely, youth and beauty are also commodities openly traded on the human stock exchange.

Whether you’re young or old, you have different assets to barter, but something is always for sale.

Most of the older successful guys I know have an exacting set of standards they apply to the acquired women in their lives.

These are the very same standards, by the way, they applied to their ex-wives before they divorced them 20 years later.

The fact is successful men prefer to date younger women is because THEY CAN.

Generally speaking, women over the age of 17 are not attracted to youth.

They’re attracted to confidence and power.

Therefore when a beautiful woman in her 20s or 30s meets a man who is in his 50s, with the world in the palm of his hands, it’s sexy and alluring to her.

His age becomes irrelevant.

Walk into any upscale restaurant or bar and what you will see are drop-dead gorgeous women accompanying successful older men.

These women were not forced at gunpoint, believe me.

To many men I know, it’s almost irrelevant whether these women are truly in love with them or merely out to make better lives for themselves.

It matters that they are in the company of a beautiful, intelligent and uncomplicated young woman.

The rest they leave to a suspension of disbelief.

She is everything their wives once were before time took its pound of flesh and soul.

No wonder so many middle aged women without much to leverage scream and yell about all of this.

But put them in the position to do what these young women are doing and you wouldn’t hear a peep.

The fact is average men and women receive average returns, and exceptional beauty and youth will always win out where successful older men are concerned.

Is it fair?

No.

But pretending that “real men” don’t want younger women is delusion. That they want an equal is naive at best, disastrous at worst.

According to one NYC matchmaker, this is the normal course of things:

“I recently had a 78-year-old client who wouldn’t even consider a woman older than 50. If you are 25 years old as you are reading this, let me put this in perspective: That would be like dating a 55-year-old.

That brings me to why I can’t take on women as clients; and no, misogyny has nothing to do with it. In this tough singles market, if a man pays top dollar for a matchmaker, he expects nothing less than a 29-year-old model.  As a result, I cannot find a husband for a 47-year-old schoolteacher with two kids and three mortgages.”

So where do relatively pretty, average 40-plus women find men of means?

They don’t.

What they can and do find are men of equal value, which is not a particularly palatable prospect for most.

My recommendation to such women:

1] Join a book club.

2] Enroll in a continuing education class at a local college.

3] Attend art openings.

4] Get out of the house – maximize exposure.

5] Go back to therapy.

Nature is neither kind nor compassionate, but the good news is that there are exceptions to every rule.

Just not very many.

Alpha Woman Blues

angry-womanExcerpt from #urbandystrophy, the book:

Some unpleasant facts:

“[Successful] Men do not give a crap how successful a woman is. This is why you see very successful men marrying bartenders, flight attendants, and spin class instructors. What do we call the very tiny percentage of men who do care? Gold-diggers.

Women do care how successful a man is. This does not make them gold-diggers, unlike men who feel the same way.

These two basics mean this: (1) The more successful a man becomes, the greater his choices are when it comes to women, since he can date any level of successful woman, and (2) the more successful a woman becomes, the lesser her choices are when it comes to men, since she wants to date a man at least close to her in success.

A successful man can choose from you and a billion other women, and as a successful woman, you can only choose from less than 1% of men.

Men love very feminine women, and often equate successful women’s “power” with masculine energy, much as most men see female bodybuilders as having the same. Is this fair? I don’t say. All is fair in love and war to the victor, and none to the vanquished. This is why you don’t find so many single “caregivers”—nurses, waitresses, child care workers, and so on.

How does a woman get around this? She marries in grad school or newly-minted. At that point, a man still sees her as feminine. They have kids, and bind/bond together. Some of these relationships last even when the woman develops that same powerful masculine energy, and some do not. Finding a non-gold-digging man, after developing this masculine energy, is almost impossible.

You need to understand that men are not “intimidated” by you and your friends. They are simply not attracted to you.

Finally, your comment that your single, successful male friends were “having too much fun” to marry says it all—even though I managed to “date” (read “sleep with”) plenty of beautiful girls and women, I was beyond thrilled to meet a woman my own age at 34—who I married—and find a best friend I respect to spend my life with. My life went from “having fun” to living life. We are childless by choice—”child-free”—and continue to travel on our voyage of creative projects and leisure.

You made choices, and you should accept them. Blaming men for being “intimidated” is bullshit. You have simply become someone that men don’t particularly want to hook up with, compared to a nurturing, feminine waitress.

Hope this helped and that you can accept a nice gold-digger into your life—there is NOTHING wrong with that. Men do it all the time, and find happiness.” Anonymous

~~~

To be fair, older men in the absence of money are in the same boat.

We both need something to sell.

Again, it’s all in Urban Dystrophy.

Feeling Blue About Your Age? Try This.

When I’m at the gym training, older people [my age and much older] look at me like I’m out of my mind.

They’re only partly right.

I am driven to perform in an abnormal way for men my age.

I guess they assume I a recovering drug addict swapping addictions, or someone in therapy.

Like I said, partly right.

Long story short, I’m an outsider in every sense of the word.

First, my workouts look like actual workouts, rather than strolls around a track on a failing hip, porous bones, and bulging discs.

Some refer to such people as blood sacks.

To the point, I could trip and fall in the gym and the worse case scenario might be a spilled sports drink, not the complete annihilation of my skeletal structure – hence blood sack.

This is where you want to be at this stage of the game.

Then there’s the mental toughness that working out reinforces.

You feel in possession of yourself and relevant in the context of survival.

This is a big deal to older men, believe me.

If you feel weak, you feel irrelevant no matter what else you have going on in your favor.

While success is a great thing, success and good health are better.

Just ask anyone who doesn’t have either, or both.

Every Woman Over 50 Should Practice Bisexuality [According to Huffington Post Article]

o-TWO-MATURE-CAUCASIAN-WOMEN-POSING-TOGETHER-SMILING-facebook

A 2014 article in the Huffington Post written by Arlene Schindler suggests that older women should explore their bisexuality as an alternative to their oftentimes frustrating experiences with men.

One path is referred to as “affectional bonding” or AB.

No wonder they outlive us.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arlene-schindler-/cuddle-parties_b_4800176.html

The findings of the latest National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles (NATSAL) reveals that the number of women reporting same-sex partners has increased from 1.8% to 7.9% over the past 20 years. Sexual lifestyles in Britain have changed substantially in the past 60 years, with changes in behavior seeming to be greater in women than men, most notably the continuation of sexual activity into later life.

After enough time passes and older women find themselves unable to establish relationships with quality, age appropriate men, “affectional bonding” begins to make sense.

According to the article, most women are already naturally bi-curious when it comes to sex; 60 percent were sexually attracted to other women; 45 percent had kissed a woman and 50 percent had fantasies about the same sex. This suggests that women may be more capable of finding people attractive, no matter what orientation they claim. Additionally, it becomes more pronounced as they get older. Approaching mid-life, “AB” makes a lot of sense.

And now, for the anti-male punchline:

Ladies, tired of the hairy chest? Try the softer touch. Has erectile dysfunction got you down and disappointed? Try reframing your options. With affectional bonding, enjoy everything you ever wanted without the messy clean-up.

You can read the rest of the article for yourself and draw your own conclusions.

OVERVIEW

Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you know by now that nothing is a panacea.

Single-hood is tough because you feel emotionally disconnected from the world. It can drain your spirit, fracture your faith in humanity, jade your perceptions.

But the same can be said of toxic relationships.

So we struggle to find balance no matter where it takes us.

Having said this, for men in my particularly peer group, I suggest you contact your attorney and investment counselor before doing anything where the consequences are more expensive than a transient escape.