Ashley Madison Website Goes “Public”

A group calling itself, The Impact Team, has purportedly hacked into the infamous cheating site, Ashleymadison.com, stealing millions of private emails and used Id’s they intend to make public unless the site shuts down immediately.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3170243/Families-shattered-dating-website-adulterers.html?ito=social-facebook

Of course, infidelity isn’t the site’s fault.

It simply exists to serve a demand.

Nonetheless, the reason I’m covering this on Urban Dystrophy is because guys my age – particularly the ones who can afford it – often cheat without empathy or remorse, like sociopaths, if you need a quick Law and Order type reference.

Just a quickie here, an anonymous encounter there, and it’s back to the Disney Channel with the wife and kids.

No harm, no foul.

Except that that’s not the way it works.

For everything we do we get something back.

…like blackmail threats, phone calls in the middle of the night, or unintended – and highly embarrassing – public encounters you have to explain away before you’re nailed.

WIFE:

“Honey, have we met her before? How does she know your nickname?”

HUSBAND:

“…Um, she may be a Facebook friend or something. Weird, huh?”

Then there are the ubiquitous STD’s, some of which are capable of killing off an entire family faster than Chernobyl.

But hey, like I said, it’s just a fling.

~~~

So why do so many older men I know, and/or am acquainted with, cheat?

Because they are bored and feel entitled to more.

Like I say in my new book of the same name, #urbandystrophy, they’re driven and ambitious men who’ve been financially successful, and thus, feel deserving of whatever life has to offer, which includes everything.

~~~

Most men I know say that their sex lives are in the toilet.

“Started our great, died. She’s no longer interested.”

The irony is that from her perspective, you’d hear the same damn thing.

COUNTER ARGUMENT

Some claim that affairs are actually good for their marriages, that they help keep them together.

But “marriage” is relative in this context, as it’s already dead.

Thus, Ashleigh Madison’s tag line should change from “life’s too short, why not have an Affair?” to “After a long afternoon in a roadside motel, it’s still nice having someone at home you can lay my head on…”

Why Women Should be Dating Older Men in Their 50’s and Beyond…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-w-anderson/reasons-women-should-be-dating-men-in-their-50s_b_6841616.html

You might also enjoy the following Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/fitguysover50

The Huffington Post article lists ten reasons why women should date older men.

I’ll add to the narrative:

1] Maturity

2] Gray hair

3] Good in Bed

4] Loves kids, but doesn’t want to burden you with his own.

5] Makes – and sticks to – date plans.

6] Physically fit.

7] Financially stable.

8] Knows he’s going to0 pay on the first date.

9] Well-traveled.

10] Doesn’t want you to mother him.

~~~

Okay, so for the past 4 and a half years I have lived with a woman half my age.

I’m not bragging, believe me.

Nothing is a panacea no matter what it looks like from the outside.

For one thing, it gets annoying when people refer to her as my daughter.

Thank God the ID thing finally stopped.

This is all part of the drill.

My ex was age-appropriate and often mistaken for a my mother, so we’re even.

With this in mind, why would a woman so young be interested in a man so much older?

While many will pontificate on her ulterior motives, I can assure you that she can find wealthier men all over Houston.

With this said, it boils down to the following 5 items:

1] Common interests.

We met through the art world, which means we met under circumstances of common interest, rather than a bar where anything and everything can – and usually does – happen under circumstances best left to local law enforcement.

We are also avid fitness and music enthusiasts.

When we first met I noticed that her classic rock collection rivaled mine – and mine is serious by most standards, believe me.

2] Sex.

To be perfectly honest with you [and I hate admitting this, by the way], there was a time in my life when I could not have cared less whether the woman in bed with me reached climax.

It was all about me, my needs, my conquest.

Today, it’s the opposite. It’s about her pleasure first, which I’ve found to be more fulfilling.

I don’t have anything to prove to myself beyond what I already know.

Being experienced – and appreciative –is a big deal in the bedroom.

3] Financial stability.

I know most people want to automatically make this #1, but it isn’t.

Contrary to popular belief, young woman don’t like blowing the best years of their lives on someone they’re not attracted to.

But it is also true most men in their 20’s and 30’s are still living at home, and a night on the town usually involves kegs, sliders and sports under fluorescent light.

With this as a backdrop, financial stability takes the edge off of life, and allows women time to step out of survival mode.

3] Maturity.

While some women enjoy getting wasted, sleeping with strangers, and partying all night long, others prefer a refuge from what feels like all out war to be a better alternative.

4] Knows who he is and what he wants.

When I was 27 I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.

I liked a lot of things, but couldn’t seem to settle on any one.

This included women.

Enough said on this one.

5] Has the time to devote to a relationship.

This one certainly ties into the 3rd item on my list, but it’s important to note that the relationship itself is on equal footing with everything else in an older man’s life.

He doesn’t have to climb the corporate ladder all over again.

This time in life is his to share with someone else.

He isn’t “on the road” every five minutes trying to satisfy the demands of a corporation bleeding him soulless.

At this juncture, he is the corporation and anyone who suggests otherwise can deal with his middle finger.

SUMMARY

The is no perfect relationship, no matter what the difference in age happens to be.

Whether it’s an older man with a younger woman, or an older woman in the same situation, it’s all about making the pieces fit.

It’s a more conscious process than it was back in the days when a smile sealed the deal.

Now it’s about who we’ve become, who we are, and what we want.

This takes about as much of the guesswork out of life as one can reasonably expect from human beings.

For many younger women, that’s more than enough.

Rise of the “Kidult”

“Kidult” [Wiki]: In the early 21st century, there was reporting that for an adult to have interests traditionally expected only from children is not necessary an anomaly. The entertainment industry was quick to recognize the trend, and introduced a special category, “kidult,” of things marketable for kids and adults alike. Enormous successes of films such as Shrek and Harry Potter, of books traditionally targeted for teenagers and the fact that Disneyland is among the world’s top adult (without kids) vacation destinations seem to indicate that “kidulthood” is a rather mainstream phenomenon. And unlike puer aeternus, “rejuveniles” successfully marry adult responsibilities with non-adult interests. When Christopher Noxon appeared on The Colbert Report on June 29, 2006, he remarked that “There’s a big difference between childish and childlike”.

~~~

“Normal” people look at guys like me and wonder what happened?

“Is he ever going to grow up?”

“Why is he not out-of-shape?”

“Why doesn’t he have an age-appropriate girlfriend? Is he intimidated by women his own age?”

“Is the young woman in his home a gold-digger, or did her father not love her enough?”

“Why doesn’t he have children?”

“Is he too selfish, narcissistic and self-absorbed to share his life with others?”

“Why doesn’t he dress more conservatively like other men his age?”

“Why does he dress like that?”

“Why doesn’t he think like we do?”

“Why is he trying to be 20 all over again?”

Oh lord, I could go on…

~~~

To be perfectly honest with you, I have always been this way.

For one thing, I have always been my own man.

I worked for myself, set my own schedule, led my own life.

All I had to do was be good at what I did, treat my clients well, and pay a CPA to keep me out of jail.

After a while the freedom and independence this afforded me became part of my identity.

The lifestyle made me more resilient, self-reliant. Those acquired attributes are just part of the process of independence.

And while it hasn’t always been easy, the pay-off covered the periodic turbulence–10-fold.

To all the men my age who continue to live life as fully–and intensely–as we did back in the day, congratulations.

You’ve officially earned a legion of haters who wish they had the balls to have done exactly the same thing.

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

~ e.e. cummings

~~~

For more reading on this topic, the following article by Robert Firestone Ph.D. is illuminating.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-human-experience/201306/six-aspects-being-adult

~~~

FURTHER SUGGESTED READING

http://bigthink.com/errors-we-live-by/the-death-of-adulthood-rise-of-kidults

~~~

Typical habitat of the “Kidult.”

Mine…

Congratulations to Billy Joel [66] and Alexis Roderick [33]!

Billy Joel and Alexis Roderick in surprise 4th of July wedding.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/music/celebrity/billy-joel-weds-girlfriend-during-fourth-of-july-party/ar-AAcztHn

Folks, it doesn’t matter what the difference in age – or any of the other line items to which we’re supposed to adhere in order to have normal, well-adjusted relationships].

Love finds us wherever we happen to be standing at any given moment.

Be ready for whatever the hell it looks like.

Now that the Gay Marriage Hurdle Has Cleared, It’s Time We Accept May-December Relationships.

Ronnie Wood, 67, Sally Humphreys, 36

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2909179/Would-age-gap-romance-Stephen-Fry-marries-man-30-years-junior-FEMAIL-examines-pros-cons-Hollywood-s-inter-generational-relationships.html

I’ve been in a May-December relationship for the past 4 1/2 years.

Like other relationships over the course of my lifetime, it has its ups and downs.

The fact that my girlfriend is, let’s just say, decades younger does not mean that I’m hoarding a slave, manipulating and controlling a psychiatric outpatient, or buying pills for a dependent drug addict.

It may be the other way around, but I digress.

I’m in a relationship with someone much younger than myself because someone I happened to find attractive felt the same way.

There are so many misconceptions to blatant prejudice based upon ignorance and/or projection tied to insecurity, mostly on the part of older women who consider this sort of thing a sacrilege, and therefore, grounds for open season.

But as you’ll see, I’ve also dated “age-appropriate.”

When I was 18 years old, my girlfriend was 17, and yet we still broke up after a couple of months!

When I was 28, my girlfriend was 19. We lasted a year and a half.

By the time I reached 45, my 30-year-old girlfriend and I lasted two and a half years!

As you can see, there was clearly a correlation between age disparity and perpetuity.

As the article points out, guys like me never feel our age, so maybe we all come to a place of acceptance where we learn to embrace who we really are, and allow ourselves to be hunted down like dogs and held hostage by beautiful young women.

You can think of it as a disability if it makes you feel better.

Do I feel exploited? Yes.

Have my urges obliterated all semblance of reason? Yes.

Am I complaining? No.

I’ve learned that how I feel inside my skin eventually manifests externally.

Thus, I’m still in my 20’s along with my girlfriend.

Finally, I learned the true meaning of acceptance, and so should you.

Congratulations to Richard Gere [65] and Alejandra Silva [32]

https://celebrity.yahoo.com/news/richard-gere-65-cuddles-alejandra-202600712.html

As usual, the narrative is not about a celebrity dating someone new.

It’s about Richard Gere dating a woman half his age as if the guy has some friggin’ personality disorder.

If so, hats off to psychopathology.

Obesity Rates Soar, But Not In My “World”

Generally speaking, this is a fat-assed nation.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2015/06/22/americas-getting-even-fatter-startling-growth-in-obesity-over-past-20-years/?postshare=3281435059917189

But it’s not the nation I spend my time around.

Most women I know are smart enough to see the correlation between good looks and nicer neighborhoods.

No wonder they all look alike.

Gold-Digger’s Guide to Building Nest Eggs

Holly Madison
Holly Madison Hand Print Ceremony at Planet Hollywood Restaurant at The Forum Shops at Caesars Palace Resort and Casino
Las Vegas, Nevada – 20.02.11
Mandatory Credit: Judy Eddy/WENN.com

Quite clearly, Holly Madison hails from generational wealth and pedigree, and therefore, has no financial motive to date Hugh Hefner.

[…excuse me, I’m choking on the previous sentence…]

Okay, I’ll restate it:

Quite clearly, not every woman wants to pull 60-hour work weeks at #Hooters and still live in a suburban apartment.

Better?

The press from hef’s perspective is below:

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2015/06/22/hugh-hefner-says-holly-madison-rewriting-history-to-stay-in-spotlight/

~~~

In my world, women like Holly Madison are everywhere.

You kinda get used to seeing them lurking on the perimeter like pilot fish; an annoyance to sharks, but in the human population, a necessary part of the cultural ecosystem.

Note: When something of value exists, there are usually takers willing to exploit opportunity [in this case] under the pretext of love or whatever.

Long story short, she became one of Hef’s girls after being noticed in one of her many “modeling” endeavors.

Then, after many visits, she became his “1 girl” and proceeded to move her things into his bedroom.

During the course of her stay she underwent rhinoplasty and breast augmentation, I assume to cement her position in the Hefner food chain.

She also had a Playboy bunny tattooed on her lower back, and insured her breasts for $1 million [backup, I assume].

In short, Ms. Madison’s lifestyle choices reveal what homicide detectives would refer to as a reliable profile.

~~~

Many older women I know have been through two or three marriages, usually to the same men everyone else marries two or three times.

They get a car [paid for], a severance [one-time payout usually tied to blackmail innuendo], and sometimes, a house [also paid for].

If the sum total of the nest egg isn’t enough to cover expenses, they get back in shape and make another run.

It’s no different than people who move to a different company for better stock options and a more comprehensive dental plan.

The next guy in line buys her a bigger diamond she can pawn down the road.

He might also buy her a more expensive car that she can sell back to a dealership for quick cash.

She can also leverage legal documents in her favor in the event of a divorce.

“In the event that you pick another girl, I get $1 million wire transferred into a blind checking account. Sign here:”

And, of course, for women who manage to nail the whale…children!

If she has children with him [a price many are willing to pay], she’s in the driver’s seat for life.

Understand this is business.

Think of these men as bad businessmen in the context of “love” if it makes you feel better.

Perhaps they should have stayed with the average suburban wife.

But they wanted more and paid the price for a game they were unprepared to win.

Fyi, blindsiding successful businessmen is child’s play in the hands of a seasoned predator.

CEO heads company with tens of thousands of employees and gets taken to the cleaners by high-school dropout with a street degree in survival.

“Part of me suspects that I’m a loser, and the other part of me thinks I’m God Almighty.”
― John Lennon

~~~

What gold-diggers bring to the table [and why affluent older men will often go to the ends of the earth to have them in their lives]:

1] Preternatural physiques.

For the typical 50-60-something man, this is not what his age appropriate wife looks like. This is what he wants his age-appropriate wife to look like. If for whatever reason [age included], she does not, he will often find himself unable to resist the intoxicating allure of his personal trainer.

2] Sexuality of the Devil’s Crossroads kind.

Again, I rarely hear about eroticism in the context of a 20-year marriage. And while I’m sure it exists to one degree or another, it doesn’t look like this. If it did, gold-diggers would be out of business.

3] Youth and Beauty.

This is what a man wants to see in the morning, not a reminder of his own mortality.

This is what staring into the abyss and having it stare right back looks like.

4] Self-Esteem.

It has been demonstrated time and time again that men who partner with beautiful young women experience a commensurate boost in self-esteem. Men who stay with their lifelong partners usually have a mistress in order to stay faithful to their marriages.

5] Relevance

Couch it any way you want, but the fact remains that an older man’s greatest fear is becoming physically irrelevant. Coupling with a younger woman is a shot of adrenalin for a man who’s used to being in the saddle.

SUMMARY

I certainly do not pretend to speak for every successful older man, but what I can tell you, unequivocally, is that nothing charges the blood more than youth and beauty…no matter what the cost.

Just ask Madonna.

Profile of an Aging Narcissist

Socialite Fraudster Edward Davenport [Google him]

When you’re young and beautiful, the world can kiss your ass.

You have nothing to prove that isn’t already obvious, which is plenty enough.

But as you get older and your sense of self-worth [as a man] is tied largely to your lifelong accomplishments [including the ones in your own head], the prospect of fading “relevance” becomes terrifying.

Now what?

This juncture marks the onset of what I refer to as the narcissists crucible, “a place of occasion or test of severe trial” where anything can, and usually will manifest in order to keep the boat from sinking like a jackhammer.

Note: The following is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event. It just seems like it does.

My name is Aristotle “Ari” Lazarov of Monaco, and I am a clinical narcissist. My 5th wife, Christina, is my enabler. Together we have 12 children.

Note: What I narcissists would admit so I wouldn’t have to run an intervention on their delusions.

I have a wonderful relationship with all my ex-wives because it behooves social climbers to keep their mouths shut.

Needless to say, they have nothing to stand on without party invitations, and therefore, everything to lose.

Note: He should know.

I am an extraordinarily good-looking man in spite of my age [which changes every 5 minutes, or just stays where it is for years at a time].

Note: Narcissists never fail to compliment themselves.

I dine at the right restaurants, drive the right cars, belong to the right clubs, know the right people, and wear acceptable designer apparel recognized by people who know and appreciate the finer things in life.

Note: He never wears anything that people who host photo-op-worthy cocktail parties and fundraisers might find distasteful, since party invitations are the lifeblood of his existence.

I stay in top physical condition through regular workouts with my personal trainer. I also maintain healthy eating habits, and take herbal testosterone that replenishes everything stolen by age, about which I remain in denial.

Note: It’s a simple equation, really.

I have a home in Houston, an apartment in NYC, and a family compound outside Paris.

Note: Doesn’t everyone?

The other specifics of my life are up to you and your imagination. If I’ve been successful, you’ll imagine big.

Note: The narcissist stays light on the details and heavy on innuendo to keep the fantasies alive long after death, which is just as important as life in most cases.

~~~

My name is Christina Lazarov, wife to my handsome and successful husband, Aristotle.

Note: I’m an enabler, remember?

Whatever my last name used to be is irrelevant because my life back then was irrelevant […not that it doesn’t haunt me in the middle of the night when I remember feeling something rather than nothing at all].

Note: This is something she should have broached in therapy, but because therapists lean in the direction of healing, she found a Pilates instructor.

Now my world is glamorous [pretentious], transcendent [privileged], and blissful [spaced-out], as everyone who’s anyone knows.

Note: Reflection [aka external affirmation] is heroin to any Stepford Wife with a working knowledge of the Devil’s Crossroads.

SUMMARY

1] Aging narcissist-socialites attend parties for the photo ops, not for the charities themselves.

In fact, many of them don’t even know the charities they’re attending, given the number of stops one must make on a particular night, particularly during cultural season.

“Oh is this the Opera gala? Of course it is!”

2] Old money doesn’t want the publicity.

New money can’t live without it.

Note the outrageously expensive and pretentious automobiles cars lined up in perfect formation in front of gold digging establishments.

Money is thrown around like party favors. Think of it as a carbon credit for people who don’t know better.

3] The aging narcissist sits on the fence between old and new, driving cars that are expensive, but not pretentious.

Wearing clothing that is stylish, but not trendy and/and garish.

And generally behaving in a manner reflective of sophistication and cultural maturity, in spits of the fact that it’s a ruse.

In this sense, they’re the lowest of the low because no one has any idea who they really are, including themselves.

I could go on.

The Beauty-Status Exchange

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/07/the-myth-of-buying-beauty/374414/

The Beauty-Status relationship is analogous to lines and performance in sports cars.

And speaking of sports cars, there’s always a faster one.

~~~

What I’m about to illustrate will probably irritate most women who resent objectification, but it may help mitigate the anger through acceptance that men are superficial first, human second.

THE MALE DEMOGRAPHIC

1] Big cities

2] Educated

3] Worldly

4] “Rich”

5] Baby-Boomers

Three [3] female body types and how men of the above demographic respond to each:

While no one could possibly argue that this woman isn’t insanely fit, most would find her too muscular for cocktail attire.

Imagine her in Prada and the discussion is closed.

She’s out of place anywhere other than a gym, which is not where most of these men spend the majority of their lives.

She is also impossible to physically control, which challenges a CEO’s self-perception as natural born leader.

A plus-size model parades a design from the Rio label during the ‘Hot in the City’ Intimates show at the Sydney Fashion Festival on August 21, 2009. The festival aimed at the public profiles the comtemporary spring-summer collections of local and international fashion brands as these new season’s looks arrive into stores throughout the city. RESTRICTED TO EDITORIAL USE AFP PHOTO / Greg WOOD (Photo credit should read GREG WOOD/AFP/Getty Images)

Plus-sized women make such men feel inadequate and embarrassed.

What have they done – or not done – in their personal lives to enable such an abomination to evolve?

People will hurl conjecture right and left at galas and benefits from here to Monte Carlo.

She should know better, and he’s obviously a complete failure as a man, so yes, this physique is a FAIL.

SHARNI VINSON and Kellan Lutz at the Beach at Cronulla New South Wales in Australia

While there remains a small niche market for this look – particularly among men who get off on physically dominating the look and feel of 12-year-old boys – it is less common than you might imagine.

Finally, we have what most men in the above demographic consider a woman prepped to sell.

She is fit, but overly so. “Toned, but not muscular” is the way is usually described.

Her bathing suit looks the way the fashion designer envisioned it on a woman, and furthermore, she would look great in basically everything “couture” on the planet.

Perceptions of him – his status, in particular – soars.

He’s now arrived and she gets the house.

Yea, there’s a downside to everything.

~~~

HOW TO MAINTAIN “OBJECT” STATUS

Women who go down this road know what they have to sacrifice in order to get it right.

First, they have to start out with the right facial and body structure.

There is some wiggle room here, so don’t freak out just yet.

From this point forward, the hard work begins.

Tenet #1: Counting calories is as much a part of life as breathing, preferably no more than 1200 a day.

For me 1200 calories doesn’t even cover breakfast, but whatever.

Tenet #2: In order to maintain the obligatory year-round tan and flawless skin, you need the right skincare products and 100% sunblock.

Understand that women do not tan at a pool. They tan at a salon. There’s a difference.

As for exercising, there is no such thing as running a marathon or any extended outdoor running at all.

It’s fine for teenagers, but once a woman hits her mid-20’s all the sun damage creeps in like a tsunami.

Tenet #4: All exercising must be done indoors – at “pump” classes, Pilates and yoga.

Understand that the look is “toned, but not muscular,” in spite of the fact that this makes no literal sense, since tone is muscle.

But women in “the know” understand the terminology well because they have the blueprint stamped into their DNA.

SUMMARY OF THE BASICS

1] 1200 calories a day

2] Spray on tan and sunblock.

3] Indoor exercise, only.

Got it?

WANT MORE?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3122739/All-day-s-work-Erin-Holland-furiously-flaunts-fabulous-figure-numerous-bikinis-impromptu-photo-shoot-friends-Fiji.html

December 2024
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