Reality Robustus […or, a germ stole my thunder]

Since my last post [forever ago in the context of instant and immediate everything], I have been immersed in a new book project that’s drawn most of my available energy, which was already in short supply after coming down with the flu this past December. My particular strain has its own designation, H3N2. Some on the Internet tell me it’s an interstellar bug that escaped government protection, while others claim the government manufactured it to use on millennials. Either way, the shit got loose and found a home in a Baby-Boomer.

The lingering effects are legion: Fatigue, weakness, low appetite, cough, airway irritation that affects how long you can be active, loss of sense of smell [which in rare cases becomes permanent], and, in my case, you can tack on paranoia, depression, nightmares and mild dissociative states…among others.

Anyway, once the worst of it had passed, my idea was to take things slowly, not try to rush back to the gym until my stamina was rebuilt. At this writing, however, I’m still waiting.

When I was 23 the flu was an abstraction. I got sick, hung out at home, healed in three days, and met friends out for celebratory drinks. I won. There were no extenuating circumstances, no complications, nothing I gave much consideration to because none of it was particularly relevant. Nobody died back then, at least not until they were too old to live, which was fine since we all agreed that growing that old was like experiencing death in slow motion.

Now I see the extenuating circumstances, the potential for complications, and the shorter life expectancy in real time.

Having run down all of this down with you, I’m not dying. I didn’t contract cancer or have a stroke or brain aneurism or spinal injury. I got the flu and developed psychiatric problems from extended exposure to Webmd.com.

The point in all of this is that at this stage of life you’re in a steady state of low-level paranoia, coupled with reflection and denial. Put another way, what’s reflected is usually denied. So you have to come to a place of acceptance, which requires decades of therapy.

You’re no longer physically beautiful, unless of course, you’re Robert Plant, which you’re not. And death is closer than ever, virus or no virus. Your sense of relevance is constantly under siege no matter what you did to become the person you are which, like I said, is closer to death. For many of you this is the end of mental health, especially you guys on the precipice of 50 squeezing out that last hurrah before staring down the barrel of aesthetic annihilation. One steroid shot after the next, week after week, in tandem with the endless runs, swims, bike rides and weight training sessions that collectively earn one that bronzed wrap, star white teeth and endless string of broken marriages, all in favor of the drug of self. Your time is around the corner. Buckle up.

So here I am, starting the New Year with a bang. In truth, I have nothing to bitch about that doesn’t embarrass me. I have financial security, a family of animals…and a wonderful, loving and reasonably sane woman half my age that puts up with me. What’s not to love?

In this spirit, my blog posts begin anew for 2018.

MORALS OF THE STORY

1] Money does, in fact, buy happiness as long as you’re physically healthy, which money enables you to maintain.

2] Psychiatry is a noble profession.

3] Looks fade, but not heart. In this sense, relevance is eternal.

The Hysteria of Irrelevance

The hysterical woman in this video reaches far beyond its political framework.

Yes, it is a political rant, but much more importantly, it’s a statement about what it feels like to live as an obese and unattractive middle-age female in the throes of an existential meltdown over feelings of irrelevance and invisibility.

To some this is quite sad.

To people like me, it’s a chapter in my next book about the stratospheric value of youth and beauty.

As you watch, ask yourself why else anyone would ever acknowledge her?

In deference to what’s left of her sanity, one can certainly understand the motivation to assert her existence to the world, a place that otherwise sees right through her.

In this sense, her rant is an assertion of her existence.

I have to admit it’s been a while since I last witnessed such a bizarre manifestation of self-loathing.

Most of the time it’s just a bridge jump and an obscure Obituary notice someplace you can’t even Google.

Nonetheless, it was entertaining, and therefore, accomplished its end no matter how pitiful or embarrassing to her constituency.

Rich Men Choose Younger Women the Way They Choose Automobiles

SAN DIEGO, CA – JULY 23: Actor Harrison Ford and actress Calista Flockhart attend the Premiere of Universal Pictures “Cowboys & Aliens” during Comic-Con 2011 at San Diego Civic Theatre on July 23, 2011 in San Diego, California. (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)

http://www.yourtango.com/experts/marina-margulis/over-hill-step-aside

I’m going to say some things here that are going to seriously piss off a lot of people.

Not that you aren’t used to it by now, but I’m really going in on this one.

Seat belts please…

~~~

The article above from www.yourtango.com appeared earlier this year, but brings up certain realities that mirror my own world.

It was penned by a matchmaker who refuses to handle female clients because, as she puts it, “successful older men prefer to date younger women is because THEY CAN.”

“In this tough singles market, if a man pays top dollar for a matchmaker, he expects nothing less than a 29-year-old model.”

And since women are attracted to confidence and power, they embrace older men who are in possession of both…in abundance.

This is not to say that some younger men aren’t filthy rich.

But if a woman is also looking for security, get in line.

Odds are young men have youth and beauty and nothing more, which is why they don’t need matchmakers. They need bodyguards.

Around Houston, it’s commonplace to see drop-dead beautiful young women in the arms of wealthy older men.

In fact, it’s kind of weird not to, unless the couple have been together a long time and she still looks great courtesy of surgeons and cash.

Is any of this fair? In a certain sense, no.

But in the context of commodities in a world of demand and supply, it’s as fair as it gets.

SNAPSHOT

One guy I know has a list of attributes all women he dates must be in possession of…or the “relationship” will last about an hour.

1] Straight white teeth and healthy gums.

2] Clear complexion.

3] Height/weight proportionate [like a fitness model].

4] Fit [like a fitness model].

5] Breasts and butt perky and proportionate [like a fitness model].

6] Stylish

7] Articulate

8] Sexy

9] Funny

10] Trustworthy

Now, as everyone knows, this woman does no exist. So what many men do is divvy up the attributes to see if whatever is missing can be improved upon.

For example, if a given candidate is small chested, breast augmentation is a slam dunk.

If she needs a little toning up, a personal trainer can get right on that.

If her teeth aren’t perfectly straight – or white – there’s a cosmetic dentist on every street corner.

But not everything can be fixed, so he throws the dice and hope she changes.

But most men of true means don’t have to hope for change because they can afford to purchase love like Gucci handbags.

It’s the guys who don’t have quite enough juice to keep the dice from bouncing of the walls every which way who sleep with one eye open.

Understand that the more money and power a man has, the more line items he can check.

As for these young women, did you know that most Americans haven’t been to Rome?

I know. It’s hard to believe.

The same applies to Aspen, Monaco, Paris and the Amalfi Coast.

Did you know that most young women do not own a Hermes handbag?

I’m serious!

So let’s say you’re a 29-year-old woman with looks to burn for the next 3 or 4 years, in a dead-end job, and dating a hot guy who’s sleeping with your best friend, but only when he’s on furlough from prison?

The guy is a derelict. He’s going nowhere but down, and you with him.

Enter a 55-year-old investment banker with class and charm and wit – and yes, money – and the derelict is a very distant memory.

These older men know their positions in the human food chain. They know what they can and cannot do, can and cannot have, and the women are no different.

In the absence of a prominent background and trust fund, the culturally average woman must leverage what she does have in order to acquire what she otherwise never will.

This does not mean that young women who choose to date older men are in it purely for the money. In fact, many fall deeply in love with their daddies.

This is the ideal scenario and it’s more common than you might imagine.

Remember the old expression: “Men fall in love with their eyes, women with their ears.”

So what happens to divorced women in their mid-40’s with kids and a heavy mortgage?

SCREWED.

What rich, powerful, handsome 45-year old guy wants a 45-year-old woman with kids?

He wants a 25-year-old fitness model with no kids and a penchant for travel.

The matchmaker offers these three alternatives:

1] Find a matchmaker who accepts women as clients

2] Join hobby groups

3] Get out of the house

I’ll add three more:

1] Get in the best shape of your life.

2] Make damn sure your teeth are straight and white

3] Find the best plastic surgeon in town for the necessary maintenance.

FINAL REMARKS

As I have said a millions times before, wealthy older women can always hire houseboys.

In fact, I have noticed an extraordinary rise in older women/younger men couplings due to lackluster economic conditions over the past 8 years.

10 Comments Older Athletes Most Often Hear from Non-Athletes

As every older athlete knows, non-athletes are masters of projection.

Whatever they’d like to be doing – but can’t – they pretend is some sort of psychiatric disability in others.

With this in mind, here are 10 of the most often heard comments from older, non-athletic gym members.

I will dissect each of them in turn…

#1] Don’t overdo it!

Translation: I hope you sprain your knee doing all that stuff I wish i could do – or felt inclined, inspired or otherwise not too lazy to do – so I’d fell better about not doing it. 

#2] You’re going to hurt your back doing all that weight!

Translation: I hurt my back working in the garden, so I’ll be damned if you get to lift 400 pounds without at least a strained tendon.

#3] You’re not 20 anymore!

Translation: I’m not 20 anymore and man do I feel it. So hell no! You’re not going to feel one bit younger then me!

#4] Are you trying to win a bodybuilding contest?

Translation: I resemble a human leviathan, so no, you don’t get to make me look and feel irrelevant!

#5] Doesn’t all that weight bother your joints?

Translation: I can’t get out of bed without  bottle of Advil, so how can you possibly lift that much weight without swallowing two?

#6] Are you taking steroids?

Translation: Because I look like crap, he should look like crap. And if he doesn’t, it’s because he’s taking steroids, which doesn’t count.

#7] You’re my hero! [Back-handed compliment].

Translation: This is back-handed compliment that is both self-deprecating and dismissive. Sure, I’d like to look like that, but what ‘lunatic’ puts in that much effort without some psychiatric disability?

#8] Where do you get the energy to workout like that?

Translation: I have no energy to speak of, so why [or how] does he? This is also a way of putting me in my place through subtle innuendo that he knows I am, in fact, no longer 20.

#9] I know a man who ended up in the morgue doing that.

Translation: I’m afraid to anything physical anymore as I fear death more than I fear doing the things that I love. So basically, I’m already dead. 

#10] Are you trying to live forever?

Translation: What difference does it make whether or not I work out? We’re all going to die. Of course, living better always trumps living longer, so there’s that.

~~~

FINAL THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

There is no question that we Baby Boomers can no longer train the way we did at 20.

But this does not mean we can’t kick the average 20-year-old to the curb in the gym.

In order to do this, we must train smart.

If you can afford it, hire a qualified personal trainer with a degree in Kinesiology.

That’s what I did and it’s why I’m where I am today.

Your trainer can also offer tips on nutrition, and help keep you motivated.

The most common reason I hear from older men as to why they don’t hire a personal trainer is that they don’t want to commit to a certain time to train everyday.

Translation: I don’t really want to put myself through all this crap. Who am I kidding?

When you Hit Your 60’s, You Have to be Tough, Tough, Tough, Tough, Tough, Tough, Tough…

Researchers at University College London found a direct link between major health problems like heart disease, strokes and diabetes, and the amount of exercise done.

Those who regularly undertook moderate or vigorous physical activity at least once a week were much more likely to be “healthy agers” than those who remained inactive.

People who became physically active during the eight-year monitoring period were three times more likely to be healthy agers than those who remained inactive.

And those who engaged in regular physical activity for the whole eight years were seven times more likely to be healthy than those who did no exercise.

The authors wrote: “Sustained physical activity was prospectively associated with improved healthy ageing – absence of disease, freedom from disability, high cognitive and physical functioning, good mental health.

“Significant health benefits were even seen among participants who became physically active relatively late in life.

“The results support public health initiatives designed to engage older adults in physical activity.”

………………

This week in the gym was a tough one for me.

I officially entered my 60’s last week and I didn’t take it well.

We stayed home, cooked, huddled together with the dogs and cats and waited for the 24 hour period to pass.

This was not the me I used to know.

That person would raise a middle finger to the wind and pull a gym PR.

This time it was different.

I felt depressed, vulnerable and perilously introspective.

Some call it rumination, a synonym for clinical depression in my book.

Instead of getting over it, I tried to walk through it.

The first day in the gym I suffered a nose bleed in the middle of my dead-lifts.

That blew my day because the bleeding wouldn’t stop.

The next day in the gym I suffered a a bout of hypoglycemia, which made me nauseous, forcing me to leave the gym to eat.

Then I started feeling these out of body experiences, coupled with extreme fatigue.

Yep, I was officially old and falling apart.

Life had it talons in me and I was completely and utterly fucked.

So I called my therapist who then told me that what I was experiencing was a late stage midlife crisis.

I’m beyond midlife by 15 years.

I think of it now as a late 3rd quarter reckoning.

I needed more facts to get through this, but I needed more hardcore facts to get through this so I called my Internist.

Blood work good. Arteries clear.

So what the hell was it?

I booked a 90 minute massage, talked to my girlfriend [who assumed I was losing my mind], then finally had a heart-to-heart with myself.

My nosebleed was caused by a strong anti-inflammatory that I happened to take the morning of a tough workout. Not advisable according to my physician it thins the blood, which can lead to nosebleeds under the pressure of heavy weights.

Note to self: If you want to take this drug, do so after a workout when blood pressure isn’t through the roof [with 450 pounds or more in my hands].

Done. No more nosebleeds.

Blood glucose levels fall when people like me don’t eat enough.

Was I not eating enough?

Not even close.

Subconsciously I have been cutting calories because I prefer to be extremely lean.

But it’s impossible to achieve the look I would like without the help of anabolic steroids, which I don’t take.

So I started concentrating on eating more, eating better, fueling my body in a very conscious and proactive way.

Suddenly, no more blood sugar crashes, fatigue gone, and I felt like myself again.

Funny how that works.

I bring all this up because a lot of things happen below the surface in men like me who feel like adolescents in the bodies of older men.

We’re forced to grow up again and again.

And that’s okay because constant maturity has never been a strong-suit of mine, and reality checks are just part of what keeps me going.

As most people know at this stage of the game, denial is the mother of misery.

Wealthy Men Claim Cheating Makes Them Better Lovers

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4026718/Group-wealthy-men-claim-CHEATING-spouses-attractive-sugar-babies-attentive-husbands.html

This is a mostly ridiculous piece of filler tripe that panders to the free love narrative.

“It’s all good as long as you come home at night…at some point.”

This is crap.

Relationships are usually tugs of wars that, in the end, are far more fulfilling than they are anything else.

This is a good thing.

People who get bored with their spouses and decide that the best remedy is an affair are digressing back to the model of eroticism being the pinnacle of sexual achievement.

It is not anymore than a bump of heroin is the pinnacle of responsible decision making while in the throes of a depressive episode.

Men who take lovers – and vice versa – are escaping the hard work of relationship building, and they do take work like anything else worthwhile in life.

Short cuts always implode no matter how good the sex happened to be.

And while that memory may awaken something in an otherwise dormant relationship, it’s just the fantasy talking.

No one is better in bed, just more enthusiastic courtesy of a fleeting encounter.

And if anyone thinks their significant other doesn’t question the sudden change in mood, they’re delusional.

In short, affairs do nothing but bleed the life out of relationships no matter what your dick has to say about it.

Sir Mick Does It…Again

http://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/mick-jaggers-very-unconventional-love-9419607

Mick Jagger, 73, is now on his 8th child with 29-year-old ballerina Melanie Hamrick.

As you might imagine, people have lots to say about this, mostly negative.

“He’s too old to have a child.”

“Their 44-year age difference is outrageous.”

“She’s a gold-digger.”

“He’s a lech.”

“The whole situation is perverted.”

It’s very easy to criticize people for their unconventional lifestyles.

But last time I checked, nobody put a bullet to Melanie’s head, and I’m sure the children will do just fine…

Anorexia the Height of Achievement to Women of Means [and the go-to look for the affluent older men in their lives]

3a44935300000578-3955356-critics_say_celebrities_like_alexa_chung_33_-a-52_1479682994594Alexa Chung, 34.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3955356/Disturbing-rise-child-women-ve-seen-Alexa-Amal-waif-like-young-girl-look-VIP-achieve-price-health-copycat-fans.html

At my health club, there is a certain go-to look among the women of affluence: “Long, lean, timeless and elegant” is the way its described.

Bulky, curvy and/or overly muscled women are considered low class.

It’s a look relegated to strippers, sugar babies, and prostitutes for the most part.

But it can also include tattoo artists, bartenders, figure models, and “convention” girls hired to showcase things like expensive automobiles.

Thus, an incredibly thin body has become the new way to signal wealth and distinguish oneself from the masses.

“I’m successful, intelligent and at the top of my game…”

FACTOID

Alexa Chung Amal Clooney look so under-developed that, in some cases, critics say they appear pre-pubescent.

Some stars appear to have waists the same sizes as catwalk models, many of whom measure 24in — the same as an eight-year-old child.

BACK NOISE

Achieving this look suggests an abundance of leisure time, which is also important element in this equation, reinforcing the overall narrative.

One must spend hours honing their physiques at the gym, and “the income to maintain a fantastically expensive diet and exercise regime.”

Of course, pressure from outside sources as well as from their own personal relationships play a part.
PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
Many affluent older men I happen to know personally prefer this look in their women.

They see it as intelligent, sophisticated and timeless…kind of the way they see themselves.

The women, therefore, are reflections of their narcissistic projection.

A businessman wants to introduce a Stepford Wife to his colleagues because of what it conveys.

After all, no one could possibly suggest that she didn’t care about her appearance, or that she was unhappy at home…or depressed.

In fact, quite the opposite.

When a man introduces a woman who is curvy or in any way carrying extra baggage, the take-away is that he is less successful, less powerful.

Further to this is simple physics.

Smaller women are also easier to control in bed, thus reinforcing the man’s power and influence. As men age, they are less agile, which emaciation on the part of the partner mitigates.

And finally, there is the “pre-pubescent” thing.

I hate to dwell here, but in my view, many of these men secretly harbor a fetish for little girls. It’s kind of like statutory rape, only legal.

Seriously, why else would grown men prefer sleeping with someone who resembles a 12-year-old child?

How Does Billy Bob Thornton, 61, Do It?

Billy_bob_thornton

Baby Boomer, Billy Bob Thornton, was born in Hot Springs, Arkansas on August 4, 1955. He is an American actor, filmmaker, singer, songwriter, and musician.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3757208/Why-beauties-fall-Hollywood-s-unlikely-lothario-Billy-Bob-Thornton-charmed-Angelina-Jolie-Amber-Heard.html

In the above article you’ll read all about how Billy Bob managed to nail so many beautiful young women.

But as I have always said, women don’t see a whole lot with their eyes unless it involves themselves or other women.

This is because women for the most part are drawn to the darker mysteries of intellect, power, success and surrender – usually in that order.

I know. Shocker.

My ‘Private Idaho’ of Gym Eccentrics

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My health club is like an outpatient psychiatric facility where patients attend daily group therapy sessions between med checks.

It’s a free-floating phantasm we all play a role in creating.

The list of characters that make up this world are as colorful as the disorders that drive them.

Here are my top 10:

1] …

[up next]