‘Dad Bod’ Coming to a Store Near You!

Mattel’s new ‘Dad Bod’ doll…

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3425007/Where-s-Dad-Bod-Ken-Twitter-calls-plastic-doll-beer-belly-Mattel-s-curvy-new-Barbie-unveiled.html

One of the many sacrifices we health-oriented older men make is the enjoyment of eating bad things that taste good.

To us, food is fuel. Nothing more.

I know. Depressing, right?

Not really.

See, the payoff is not looking [and feeling] like a Mattel ‘Dad Bod’ doll.

For those of you who don’t already know, ‘Dad Bod’ is the physical representation of what the typical middle-aged man looks like.

Of course, I don’t know any of these people personally because I live in a big city.

Here, pot bellies constitute Class-A misdemeanors, punishable by hard time at a “wellness” center that specializes in testosterone implants, orals and injectables, coupled with psychiatric counseling for clinical depression.

However, in smaller places where appearance and good health are secondary to gluttony and death in slow motion, being too fit after a certain age is a Class-A felony.

Steroid Use Among Boomers Goes Airborne [Apparently]

Me at 60, sans steroids… [aka., testosterone, anabolic steroids, Human Growth Hormone, et al…]

I’m a sort of freak where fitness is concerned.

I train with guys half my age are usually dead, metaphorically speaking.

But this does require a bit more qualification: No one who is “all natural” can keep up with me.

In gym parlance, “all natural” means that the individual in question does not take pharmaceutical grade testosterone and/or anabolic steroids.

Men my age who do take Testosterone and/or anabolic steroids have an edge over me in both recovery and endurance.

Their recovery is twice as fast and their raw strength is well above 30% of what it would be without the needles, and I use that percentage conservatively.

With this as a snapshot of human life in the fast lane, understand that the pressure capitulate to what’s become the status quo is tougher than ever before.

Why the popularity of drug use?

1] We’re older, and thus, have less time to enjoy the time we have left.

2] We have the funds necessary to afford the drugs.

3] We’re vain.

4] We’re easily addicted. The concept of life outside the gym is about as ridiculous as trying to convince a junkie that lemon juice and water is a healthier alternative to heroin and vodka.

So everyone’s a “lifer.”

Is there hope?

No.

My generation will continue to buy and promote drug use because it’s faster and easier than spending 5 hours in the gym – and still walking away with a distended midsection.

It all gets down to what’s quick, easy and purchasable under the law.

I get it.

But like everything else in life that makes – and to some extent – delivers on great promises, there is a darker side.

But what the hell … live for the moment, die the next…it’s all good.

Fading away just isn’t an option.

In my case, I have to work harder, take more time to recover, eat perfectly...and most importantly, have a full life outside the gym.

I realize my priorities are warped, particularly the last one.

The Cure for Existential Angst, Guaranteed.

Three years ago my trainer stitched this together this little as a reminder to me that aging doesn’t always follow a predictable path, that it is possible to slow it all down — including the fading relevance older men often feel when they can no longer throw a baseball without looking like an ex-president during one of those ceremonial first pitches.

Life only wins when you fade, not when you die. j.r.

Can You Spot a 21st Century Gold Digger? I Doubt It.

Couple of nice girls just looking for love…

A few buds out for a game and shot at a vacation on someone else’s dime…

It cuts both ways.

“In the long history of humankind (and animal kind, too) those who learned to collaborate and improvise most effectively have prevailed.”
― Charles Darwin

Here are two articles you might find interesting:

http://nypost.com/2014/04/16/can-you-spot-gold-digger/

http://www.forbes.com/sites/larissafaw/2015/07/28/watch-out-ladies-millennial-men-are-gold-diggers/#5b768b19646a

Gold-digging [aka prostitution] has been around for the entire length and breath of human history.

The problem today, however, is that motive is no longer obvious. In fact, it’s evolved in stealth to what many consider an art form…where PhD level courses will soon be necessary to decode the tell-tale subtleties and innuendo.

~~~

POINTS OF INTEREST on GOLD-DIGGING [in general]

1] Gold diggers are such a problem in NYC, one woman has set up an agency that proclaims it will weed them out.

2] Cautious men need to know that women they’re interested in have jobs with sizable incomes [six figures is expected], be independent and live alone.

3] Successful women seek out equally successful men because, like men, they expect a “perfect 10” for their efforts.

4] “Millennial males are less likely than males of the Gen X and Boomer generations to equate romance with happiness,” says Denise Delahorne, SVP Group Strategy Director, DDB US.

5] “Overall, they [Millennial males] are a group of people who believe they are better than other people, and their own happiness and well being takes precedence over the needs of others.”

6] “Millennials overall, and Millennial men in particular, are more likely to think their own happiness is more important than the happiness of others Millennials overall, and Millennial men in particular, are also more likely to think that they deserve to be famous and hope to be famous one day.”

7] “I think we can’t lose sight of the fact that this is a generation that grew up at a time when attitudes about marriage and divorce really changed.”

8] “...we certainly can’t ignore the fact that they [Millennial men] feel that they can always get out of the marriage if they want to — and this is certainly something that we see frequently in popular culture.”

9] Millennial men are also more likely to want to have a prenuptial agreement than males of other generations (32% vs. 25% of Gen X males and 17% of Boomer males) perhaps because they are more likely to be viewing marriage as a financial/contractual arrangement as much as a romantic partnership.

10] There are five million members on SeekingArrangement. Overall, the site has 3.8 million Sugar Babies, and 12% are male: 460,000. Moreover, this is an 84% jump in male Sugar Baby membership from the start of 2014.

ACCORDING TO THE POST ARTICLE, HERE ARE 5 WAYS TO SPOT A GOLD-DIGGER

Matchmaker Janis Spindel asks ladies looking to date her high-end male clients to pen a 2,500-word bio and fill out an extensive questionnaire. Here are her five rules for spotting a gold digger:

1. A woman who is obsessed with dating a successful man — and knowing what his salary is.

2. A lack of a job is a telltale sign a woman is looking for someone to support her. “Women must have [jobs],” says Spindel. “It gives them a sense of confidence, allows them to support themselves and keeps them busy during the day.”

3. She complains about Spindel’s fee of $1,000 for a one-on-one meeting.

4. A woman who makes unreasonable demands: “If they tell me they must date a man with a plane, I say ‘Sayonara.’”

5. A lady who asks the wrong questions: “When they ask me how many homes my client has, they’re inquiring for the wrong reasons.”

COMMENTS

These points are all far too obvious, as most successful gold-diggers could pass a polygraph with flying colors.

FINAL COMMENTS

How did we get here?

Millennials say feminism is the root of the problem.

They tell me…

1] Women are waiting longer before marriage and children…so they’re no settling down.

2] They also have strong career motives, which they also expect of their mates.

3] They feel entitled to the same sexual freedom as men, which yields a new world man with a vagina.

So what’s the incentive for young women to date young men?

Nothing, really.

Unless, of course, it’s just sex, in which case they need an online alias if they want to protect their reputations and high-end jobs from blackmail and other forms of extortion.

~~~

In closing, here are some passages from my new book, Urban Dystrophy, currently selling like hotcakes on Amazon.

A FEW KEY FACTS TO MALE BABY-BOOMERS OF A CERTAIN SOCIOECONOMIC DEMOGRAPHIC

When you’re twenty-five, women who seriously date you do so for your looks, personality, education, and ability to earn (or somehow, inherit).

When you’re fifty, women who resemble the ones you dated at twenty-five (because they are twenty-five) do so for the perceived security you are able to provide them—both financial and emotional—coupled with a predisposition towards generosity.

Gold diggers flourish in big cities where there are few predators and an abundant food source. Please do not confuse the metaphor.

Watch out for three vulnerabilities they look to target—frustration, boredom, and privilege—the same ingredients necessary to transform a corporate executive with a Harvard MBA into a blackmail statistic.

It doesn’t matter how many boards you sit on, how many ex-wives you have, or how much your children love you. When everything falls apart, including your children, gold-diggers only care about your financial condition.

Remember that women interested in the likes of you operate in survival mode. While it has been postulated that some possess feelings that border on empathy—particularly towards their young, and in some instances, their spouses—survival still hinges on instinct.

You may live in a large urban area because you enjoy the culture, shopping experience, and fine dining, but you’re also a line item on someone else’s balance sheet.

Every man like you with a penchant for youth and beauty will inevitably meet a woman anxious to exploit him.

Men never grow up. If they did, gold-diggers would go extinct.

In case you’re wondering, the same rules apply to women when approaching a male member of this group. It’s a gender-neutral career path.

In exchange for a certain lifestyle, gold-diggers are prepared to barter whatever they have in exchange for whatever they don’t. While this may sound cold and calculating in the context of “love,” some of the country’s most celebrated philanthropists were once strippers, showgirls, and Pilates instructors. (No offense to Pilates instructors.)

Why Everyone Hates Rich Older Men Who Date Beautiful Young Women

In general, the economy sucks: The jobs market is flat, the stock market [at this writing] is down over 400 points [ended the day down 276…thank God!], all major global economies are on thin ice, terrorism continues to rage, and, all the while, the old dude in the above caption couldn’t care less.

No wonder people are pissed off.

There are a select few men who live in the socioeconomic stratosphere, an invisible force field that renders them impervious to the vagaries of mortal life on earth. It is here that they are able to pick from an infinite line-up of beautiful young woman trying to gain access to the same invisible force field.

While no one is truly impervious, being well fortified is plenty.

www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/11695827/Why-does-everyone-hate-it-when-rich-old-men-date-young-attractive-women.html

HARD COLD TRUTH

When you have enough money, nothing hobbles your lifestyle. Think $50,000,000 and above and it’s all an abstraction. At that amount, $10 million here or there is irrelevant. Start with a quarter of that amount and suddenly everything becomes a much bigger deal. Catch my drift? Ad to this the fact that beautiful young women are not driven by physical beauty as much as physical money, this begins to make sense.

In the above article, Duncan Bannatyne, 66, is 534th on the Sunday Times Rich list with an estimated net worth of $257,000,000.

His stunning young girlfriend, Nigora Whitehorn, 35, is from Uzbekistan and works as a dental treatment coordinator and has no discernible net worth.

So it all balances out as you can see.

What the take away from these and stories like it?

RICH GUYS STILL GET THE GIRLS.

Money first, love second.

Better yet, object first, human second.

Feminists are pissed off because women who marry into wealth are perceived to be prostituting themselves and somehow betraying those women who choose to tough it out in the workplace.

Young men rant about it because they loath swallowing the fact fact that their good looks and youth had been trumped by Bannatyne’s wealth and charisma.

According to one one rich guy, “At heart, we’re all still cavemen. The men want the biggest cave at the top of the hill and the women want to feel safe living in that cave at the top of the hill. The guy with the biggest cave will always get the girl.”

Yes this sucks.

But if you had that cave you wouldn’t be complaining.

Go ahead and hate on.

They don’t care a wit because they don’t have to…

Note:

According to a recent US News and World report article, there were 211,235 ultra-wealthy individuals in 2014, a 6 percent increase from a year before. That community’s combined wealth is believed to have fallen just short of $30 trillion, a 7 percent increase from 2013.

Growth in 2014 is slightly above average in terms of longer-term trends in the ultra-wealthy community. Over the past 20 year period, the group’s population has grown at an average annual rate of 4.6 percent, with wealth growing an estimated 6.7 percent each year.

This growth trend is expected to continue at least until 2040, at which time both the size of the ultra-wealthy population and their net worth “will have approximately trebled” to more than half a million individuals worth a combined $88 trillion, according to the report. The fastest growing wealth tiers are billionaires and those the report classifies as “at the bottom” — people whose worth is $30 million to $50 million.

…and don’t for one second think the ladies aren’t paying attention. At my health club, they’ve been thrown out of the parking lot for grabbing license plate numbers and running them on financial databases.

Coming to Terms With Aging […without visiting the “Devil’s Crossroads”]

John Patrick McEnroe, Jr., 56

We all reach a point where we realize we are no longer in our physical prime.

We blame everyone – and everything – but ourselves.

Many of us live in denial until we start tripping over our delusions, one after the next, until we come to terms kicking and screaming.

John McEnroe comes to mind.

For him, life has always been a nightmare, which apparently hasn’t abated much to this very day.

Both talented and tempestuous, he bludgeoned his way to 17 Grand Slam titles before falling victim to the very angst that made him a champion, back when youth forgave most transgressions.

This is not where you want to be at middle age.

I’ve been an athlete – active in sports and weight training – for the vast majority of my life, and I’ve had my fair share of injuries. Most of them I’ve forgotten, some won’t let me.

Nonetheless, I still go to the gym and bust my ass: multiple dead-lifts, wall balls, crunches to failure – you get the picture – but my body doesn’t heal the way it used to.

My joints ache, my muscles are tighter, and there always some nagging injury.

It’s at these times that the thought starts to creep in my mind, “It’s not that I can’t do this, but should I?”

The simple answer is, I don’t know. No one does.

My doctor runs every test in the book and declares I’m fit to be tied, but I know that he knows it’s mixed blessings.

I’m technically healthy enough to do what I do, but I also know the recovery time will be two or three times what it was back in my 20’s – and rest will not be a casual decision, but a necessity.

There are times I leave the gym thinking I’m too exhausted even to drive home, and I’m sure the I am not alone.

We all pay a heavy price to keep up with where we were, which is our first mistake because we are no longer where we were.

60 is not 20 no matter how you spin the narrative.

This is where coming to terms with myself, my ego, and my competitive nature has been the hardest thing I’ve ever faced.

Thankfully, the school of hard knocks has finally pounded into me that as I age my self worth should not and, for the sake of sanity, cannot be tied to physical performance.

I simply cannot allow physical performance to trump inner strength.

I am only human and my youth was a fleeting stretch of life some 25 years ago, a lifetime for many pro athletes.

My advice to all of you in my age demographic [Baby Boomers] is to stay as active as your body will allow, explore new hobbies [if you don’t already have 10 or 15 like me], live a balanced life, and enjoy yourself.

While my absolute performance in certain physical endeavors may have declined with advancing years, the enjoyment of my journey, however different, is something that will never fade.

KEY POINTS TO REMEMBER

1] Beliefs about aging are sometimes more powerful than the physical changes themselves.

2] Ignore people who say things like “Why are you doing that? You’re going to hurt yourself!” It’s just projection, so, like I said, ignore it.

3] Psychological skills are a bigger part of your training than anything else.

4] Skills develop through practice, which is why people half your age can’t do many of the things you’ve been doing for years, so there’s an upside.

5] Your own performance in a given sport is relative to your age. The rest you make up in attitude.

6] Stop comparing yourself to that of 20-year-olds. Most of them won’t be even close to where you are when they grow up.

7] Be patient with yourself…and kind. Beating up on yourself is not going to somehow reverse time.

8] Hire a personal trainer if you can afford it. Having said this, I’ve learned that it’s more expensive not having one.

9] Get plenty of rest.

10] Keep a psychotherapist and massage therapist on speed dial.

and…

11] For God’s sake, don’t end up like John McEnroe.

10 Essential New Year’s Resolutions [You Can Actually Achieve]

If you’re anything like me, you’ve noticed that you’re older than you used to be.

With this in mind, here are a few things you can do to improve your situation:

1] Accept the fact that media and reality are two entirely different things, even if you’re the only one buying it.

2] Understand that your sense of relevance is tied to the health of both your physical body and your financial portfolio in equal measure.

3] Know that dating beautiful young women is a minefield, not because they’re difficult to find, but because they’re difficult to read.

4] Understand that women who embrace their own objectivity will expect you to pay for it.

5] Look at life more from the perspective of a human food chain and you’ll find love in the most unexpected places.

6] Embrace psychotherapy when you feel uncomfortable talking to anyone else, but understand that it can be as addictive as heroin, and sometimes, just as expensive.

7] Practice mindfulness before delusion plays stand in for sanity.

8] Realize that life doesn’t care about you, so you have to figure our how to care about yourself. It still won’t care, but whatever.

9] Accept the fact that not taking your meds is the same as committing infidelity.

10] Worrying about not achieving your New Year’s resolutions is worse than simply not achieving them, so think carefully before committing to anything.

Now you have 10 New Year’s resolutions that will serve you better than diets and exercise by a factor of 1000.

Is Youth, In Fact, Wasted on The Young?

Hardly.

Does anyone actually believe that a bunch of rich and entitled Baby Boomer rock stars could create The Dark Side of the Moon?

The following is a list of 10 Boomers who followed a similar fate:

1] David Bowie

2] Mick Jagger

3] Eric Clapton

4] Robert Plant

5] Jimmy Page

6] Bob Dylan

7] Billy Joel

8] Elton John

9] Alice Cooper

10 Neil Young.

Obviously, there’s something to be said for youth and immortality, in spite of the contradiction in terms.

10 Ways to Getg Through the Holidays Without Landing Back in Therapy

As everyone knows, the holidays are psychologically challenging.

Pharmacies are sold out of sedatives and liquor sales go through the roof.

Of course, children don’t know anything about this because reality is kept at arm’s length so we can live vicariously through them.

~~~

The holiday season often brings along stress and depression – to name just two [a thousand come to mind].

And no wonder.

The holidays present a ridiculous array of demands — parties, shopping, cooking, cleaning, interacting with people you haven’t seen in a long time under fragile pretenses.

But with some practical tips, you can minimize the stress.

You may even end up enjoying the holidays more than you thought you would, which is better than nothing.

According to the Mayo Clinic staff, here are 10 ways to keep stress on the low end of crazy:

1] Acknowledge your feelings. If someone close to you has recently died or you can’t be with loved ones, realize that it’s normal to feel sadness and grief.

It’s OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can’t force yourself to be happy just because it’s the holiday season.

2] Reach out If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious or other social events. They can offer support and companionship. Volunteering your time to help others also is a good way to lift your spirits and broaden your friendships.

3] Be realistic. The holidays don’t have to be perfect or just like last year.

As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well.

Choose a few to hold on to, and be open to creating new ones. For example, if your adult children can’t come to your house, find new ways to celebrate together, such as sharing pictures, emails or videos.

4] Set aside differences. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don’t live up to all of your expectations.

Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion.

And be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry.

Chances are they’re feeling the effects of holiday stress and depression, too

5] Stick to a budget. Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget.

Don’t try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts

6] Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, visiting friends and other activities.

Plan your menus and then make your shopping list.

That will help prevent last-minute scrambling to buy forgotten ingredients.

And make sure to line up help for party prep and cleanup.

7] Learn to say no. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed.

Friends and colleagues will understand if you can’t participate in every project or activity.

If it’s not possible to say no when your boss asks you to work overtime, try to remove something else from your agenda to make up for the lost time

8] Don’t abandon healthy habits. Don’t let the holidays become a free-for-all.

Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt.

9] Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do.

Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring inner calm

10] Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores.

If these feelings last for a while, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.

According to reality as I know it, here are my top 10[not that I’m dismissing any of the aforementioned]:

1] Schedule a therapy appointment

[at least a month in advance of the holidays so you don’t have to go back for another 3].

2] Make sure your medications are up to date and readily available

[in the event of an unforeseen catastrophe, including all of them].

3] Make sure to plan for time to workout.

The stress relief will help defray the cost of refills.

4] Meditate.

What I do is stare at my hands and see if I can get my fingers to stop shaking.

5] Wear something comfortable to gatherings so you can stretch out and cross your legs when tensions run high.

I find myself massaging my feet a lot.

6] Drink.

Don’t get wasted, but a pleasant buzz will help pass the time as you read the liner notes on a Pink Floyd CD compendium.

7] Breathe deeply and often.

When someone asks you what’s wrong, just tell them you like to breathe a lot. That usually does the trick.

8] Bring headphones.

I have found that headphones are a great way to break through stressful situations, even if you have to put them on during bathroom breaks.

9] Pretend to pay attention.

Even if the conversation is boring enough to trigger unconsciousness, just smile and stare into space. I know everyone’s crown molding by heart.

10] Accept the fact that your nieces and nephews are younger than you are, and will probably find a way to challenge your chronological authority.

This is normal, particularly with males, as they attempt to bludgeon their way to the top of the human food chain.

Whatever they say, just nod and go back to staring at the crown molding.

FINAL NOTE

It is a myth that suicide rates are higher during holidays than at other times of the year.

This is because holidays maximize social connection for most people, no matter what it may look or feel like.

Feeling Blue About Your Age? Try This.

When I’m at the gym training, older people [my age and much older] look at me like I’m out of my mind.

They’re only partly right.

I am driven to perform in an abnormal way for men my age.

I guess they assume I a recovering drug addict swapping addictions, or someone in therapy.

Like I said, partly right.

Long story short, I’m an outsider in every sense of the word.

First, my workouts look like actual workouts, rather than strolls around a track on a failing hip, porous bones, and bulging discs.

Some refer to such people as blood sacks.

To the point, I could trip and fall in the gym and the worse case scenario might be a spilled sports drink, not the complete annihilation of my skeletal structure – hence blood sack.

This is where you want to be at this stage of the game.

Then there’s the mental toughness that working out reinforces.

You feel in possession of yourself and relevant in the context of survival.

This is a big deal to older men, believe me.

If you feel weak, you feel irrelevant no matter what else you have going on in your favor.

While success is a great thing, success and good health are better.

Just ask anyone who doesn’t have either, or both.

November 2024
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