The Inter-Generational Dating Equation [and make no mistake…it is an equation of both heart and common sense]

From the movie, “Irrational Man”

I have cited an article from “Mother Jones,” but I did found something worthy of mention in the context of the older man/younger woman meme.

http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2008/01/sugardaddycom-old-dogs-new-tricks

What happens when you get older is that people expect more from you in the way of cash. It’s how most guys validate themselves after time has taken it’s pound of flesh and what’s left is an investment portfolio.

With this in mind, younger women who date older men usually do so for the lifestyle.

This is not to say that they don’t appreciate the other qualities [i.e., maturity, experience, appreciation, etc…], but without the security, we’re pretty stuck dating women who look like they walked off the set of an arthritis commercial.

There are exceptions, of course, but not many.

Just run the actuarial numbers and this will start to make sense.

Anyway, I have an acquaintance who dates a much younger woman.

He pays her a set stipend each week in exchange for a girlfriend experience.

But guys who front-load like this are on thin ice.

They guide their decisions by the old bird in the hand mantra as if the bird in question weren’t a Tyrannosaur in drag.

The only way to avoid inevitable catastrophe is to let the relationship evolve over time, to stop pretending that your “girlfriend experience” is just a transaction.

This is because, after a while, it starts to feel real – to you, not her.

That’s the rub.

It’s fine to help someone out after you’ve gotten to know them well and trust their intentions.

But NEVER, EVER use your imagination when dealing with someone of motive.

As for the dollar bills in question, it’s been my experience that such men pay anywhere from $6000-$8000/ month – up to about $300,000/year for services rendered – at which point they usually marry with a golden parachute built into the pre-nup.

Is it prostitution?

Yes, of course it is.

My friends usually pay their women in cash and receive sexual favors in return.

But it’s also what’s referred to as a functional relationship by today’s standards among the older moneyed class.

The abnormal and maladjusted ones fall in love and live happily ever after, but I digress.

The Most Annoying People In The Gym […and a few good ones thrown in for good measure]

I found this article on t-nation.com about gym etiquette amusing, so I thought I’d share it with you.

Most of it targets the behavior of all age demographics, so I’ve slightly twisted it in the direction of the Baby Boom.

Many are cliches pushed to the extreme, but many cliches are extreme without having to be pushed at all.

Here’s the article:

https://www.t-nation.com/powerful-words/10-most-annoying-people-in-the-gym

~~~

1] The Misplaced Crossfitter

After enough testosterone supplementation, many Baby Boomers – both men and women – re-emerge as adolescents and hit the gym like banshees, attempting complex exercises like box jumps and weighted wall balls they see performed by people half their age on Youtube. They attempt to perform them publicly as if no one will notice the sad realities of their efforts. I witnessed one 50-something guy jumping up and down like a Wallaby in what appeared to be a trance. When I asked him what he was doing he just smiled and hopped away. I discovered later on that he just received his first testosterone injections a week ago, and like someone stuck in Purgatory for 30 years, was euphoric over his discovery of a portal back to planet earth.

2] The Phone Zombie

Many older guys use gyms as workplaces. I’m still not convinced they aren’t suffering some psychiatric disability, the whole thing a pantomime played out using a dead phone. Relevance is found in some of the most unlikely places. Whatever the issue, they are certainly consistent, and therefore, memorable. In fact, offering even the vaguest description will elicit a knowing response. In deference to one man in particular, he is having an actual conversation with someone on the other end of the line, but he is so often on the phone that he is now clinically deaf.

3] The Newbie Steroid User

Most of these people begin a steroid regimen to drop body fat without having to spend hours in a gym. They also hope to revitalize their flagging sex lives which certain physicians’ promises of restoring them in exchange for $30,000 a year. Most of these people drop out of sight when their PSA levels rival the national debt and/or they lose a pile in a market downturn.

4] Just About Anyone Doing a Kettlebell Swing

Most older men have no idea what the hell they’re doing in the gym. Without help from a personal trainer, they are like cattle on the edge of a cliff in a hurricane. They’re painful to watch and there is always the temptation to offer guidance. But it has been my experience that guidance is often perceived as a kind of narcissistic wound to men of hubris and resources accustomed to people’s fear and respect in the workplace. Physicians who should know better are some of the worst offenders, as usual. I could get into the irony here.

One old dude threw a cable grip in my direction.

5] The Dumbbell Rack Blocker

I am guilty of this. There are times when I use one end of a dumbbell rack to perform single-arm pulls. But I am also aware of who’s around me. If I see someone lingering near the rack, I’ll move. The point is that many gym newbies [read: older guys who’ve spent their lives in offices and are now on gym floors at the insistence of their primary care physicians] are slow on the uptake, and even indignant towards anyone expecting them to budge.

6] The Bros

I work out around a bunch of older men and women who were – at one time or another – gym addicted. Most of us are now in recovery, but this still doesn’t stop us from spending two hours a day enabling one another. We make a lot of noise when the weights get heavy, but the experience is cathartic, and, in our minds, fine as long as we don’t technically kill anyone.

7] Mr. Octa Set

Some guys attempt to commandeer a 1000 square foot area of the gym in order to perform a particular routine. Most of them are the usual suspects: Affluent and entitled Boomers who are used to having things their way. Fortunately for people like myself, I am comfortable ignoring their boundaries and leading them back to therapy without much in the way of tact.

8] The Crappy Personal Trainer

At my health club there are a few personal trainers who spend more time discussing personal issues with their clients than training them. But this is not the fault of the trainer. When a client is will to pay $100 and hour of someone’s time, they run the show. Of course, the trainer can always fire the client, but it doesn’t make much financial sense as you can imagine. I do happen to know certain personal trainers who won’t train clients that aren’t serious, but I have found that they tend to work less hours.

9] The Talker

My gym caters to an affluent clientele, many of whom are trust fund babies who’ve never held a job, and therefore, have no concept of boundaries. The rest are either psychiatric outpatients or narcissists who’ve never seen a therapist.

10] The Creeper

True story: One day I was in the gym on the stretching mats when I noticed an older man with his junk on full display. A woman next to me happened to notice it at the same moment and immediately deflected her young daughter’s attention avoiding what would inevitably become full blown PTSD. Anyway, I’m not certain whether such men are exhibitionists or just plain senile. I can envision a police interrogation where the officers just shake their heads when the man starts babbling incoherently about the stock market when questioned about a sexually perverse act. Long story short, I reported the incident to the management and I’m told that he now wears undergarments.

Okay, so here are three of my own Pet Peeves:

11] Old Ladies With Too Much Perfume

This one is self-explanatory, but thankfully easily remedied over a private discussion with management. I have, at times, felt almost enveloped in what smells like scented mustard gas as my lungs cry out for mercy at the handiwork of a mortician.

12] People Who Read Newspapers While Performing Leg Presses

At more upscale health clubs, this is a commonplace practice. The idea is to be in the gym as directed by one’s primary care physician while also getting a little of what the client wants, which is to not be there at all.

13] People With Antisocial Personality Disorder

Maybe it’s just me, but I see health clubs as urban ecosystems that run according to the sum of their constituent parts. Saying hello is not going to kill anyone. It’s common courtesy if nothing else in an environment filled with people you see every day.

With this in mind, there is one particularly cross older man with a distended midsection that he attempts to conceal with 5x t-shirts pregnant emblazoned with messages of anarchy. He never speaks, never blinks, and always stares straight ahead like a zombie zeroing in on a kill. This guy typifies APD and should be referred immediately to the nearest psychiatric facility. Thankfully, the only other people who come across even remotely this way are cross fitters who relish the outcast model.

Okay, now for the most awesome people in the gym!

11] Elderly People

Older men and women who go to the gym religiously have the respect of everyone. I’ve never heard a single negative comment or complaint unless the person in question farts, in which case the whole age thing comes up.

12] The Quiet Beasts

Most bodybuilders I know are quiet beasts. They are men of few words [in the gym], focused, serious, and only cordial under duress. I don’t particularly like them [in the gym], but I do admire their determination.

13] Women Who Kick Ass

There is nothing more inspiring than women kicking ass next to us. Taking this a step further, I would prefer a gym filled with nothing but buff women in tights. I mean just for the inspiration and all.

14] Fat People

It’s hard to beat on a fat person when they’re in the gym trying to climb out of their bodies. It’s a Promethean task no one takes on unless their lives depend on it.

15] Injured and Disabled People

God bless these people for getting back into the world and fighting for their dignity. They’re a lesson to all of us to be thankful that a couple of inches off the waist is all we have to accomplish.

A FINAL COMMENT ON OLD PEOPLE IN THE GYM

Everyone understands the inherent grumpiness seen in the aged, but no one appreciates it. From a psychiatric perspective, you have to understand that many of these old men were once “somebody:” Heads of companies, surgeons, lawyers and so on. They had the respect of their peers and their community. No one questioned their validity, their relevance. This is why many men refuse to retire. The rest face a downhill slalom into invisibility and irrelevance and what you see in their sour demeanor is the loss of something they spent their lives building. I feel sorry for these men. While they go to the gym to stay physically relevant, they’re dead everywhere else.

Cantankerous Senior Syndrome [CSS]: Tough Talk to the Undead

If you’re a cantankerous old coot, stoop-shouldered, brittle and in competition with cyanide gas for personality of the year, I’m not surprised.

Chances are your career is in the rear-view mirror; your wife of 50 years no longer recognizes the fearless and inspired man she once married; and the creeping specter of invisibility and irrelevance shadow you like ghoul with a scythe.

I bring this up in response to a recent encounter at my health club with a member of the undead.

Note: The following is a true story and one well worth broaching with a psychiatrist should you happen to find allusions to your own psychopathology in any of it.

~~~

“Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman, before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into air.” John Quincy Adams

~~~

“Once upon a time …” Jacob Grimm

~~~

Subtlety is not one of my virtues.

But I am also not without compassion, empathy or remorse.

So while I’m not a particularly soft touch, I’m no sociopath.

To wit, the other day I found myself at the gym doing some lower back exercises when I noticed to my immediate left an older gentleman performing an exercise that, to be perfectly honest, defied explanation.

He was bent over at the waist holding two rubber grips, attempting to perform what I assumed to be bicep curls.

Mindful of the crusty and often paranoid nature of many such men, I made friendly inquiry into exactly what it was that he was trying to accomplish.

“Are you working your back?”

“No! I’m working my biceps as you can see!” he said with a huff.

I have to admit that I don’t do well in situations like these.

I was trying to be helpful and his response to me didn’t sit well.

Most people would take the hint and drop it, but I’m not most people.

I went in.

“You realize you’re working your back with those limited motion pulls, right? Your biceps aren’t even engaged.”

With that, I thought the man was on the precipice of a seizure as his face turned a dark shade of scarlet.

“I teach physical therapy! I know exactly what I’m doing!!!” he yelled like a man at a Devil’s Crossroads.

“Really?” I went on.

“Then don’t you have the vaguest idea what you’re doing?”

He threw down the grips and stormed off back into his own Private Idaho, I assume.

What he failed to appreciate was the fact that I acknowledged him at all.

~~~

I bring this up because many older men die long before they’re technically declared dead by a coroner.

You can hear it in their voices, see it in their fading stature and presence, feel in the acerbic tone of their discourse.

Whatever once stood firm is not translucent, vaporous almost.

This man was no more than his late 60’s, and yet came across as a man dragged by his ears straight from Purgatory to endure another day of irrelevance in broad daylight.

Life does not have to be this way.

I know men 10 years his senior who stand tall, push hard, maintain relevance in every way.

They do not crumble under the pressure of years, but rather, they take stock of their blessings and carve them into lasting monuments that light the way for succeeding generations.

I have never heard a single criticism or missive from a young man or woman about any older person who maintains dignity and strength in the face of time. Never. Not once.

They are the way forward for all of us, to follow as beacons of hope while navigating the passage of years.

I honor all of them. Hats off.

This is what aging is supposed to look like, to be.

This is its gift to us all.

On a related note, there is a 78-year-old man [guy] at my gym who hangs out with the rest of us in a way that feels almost timeless.

Has he had his share of ailments over the decades? Yes.

As he said to me, “I may have been through hell and back in this lifetime, but what I learned from all of it is that none of us are perfect, but almost as few have the courage to persevere.”

Amen to that.

POSTSCRIPT

Aging is a bitch.

Nothing works the way it once did.

Joints ache, muscles take longer to heal.

You look in the mirror and see the lines, the changing face of time.

These are things that none of us can escape.

What we can escape is how we approach the war, and yes, a war it is.

life is not for the faint-hearted.

And while youth and beauty have their own unique merits, no one ever appreciates it until it’s gone.

And by then, pray you have a mentor who can help you get through it one piece.

In the end, I guess you could say that my attempt to contribute something to the aforementioned man’s life on that gym floor is the same contribution I attempt to make on the lives of men half my age.

Getting older is a time in life for sharing, for giving back, for making the world a better, more inspired place for everyone.

Irrelevance, like I said, should not be the job of the coroner.

Why Wealthy Divorced Women Don’t Remarry, But Men Do

http://www.marketwatch.com/story/first-wives-say-i-dont-to-second-marriages-2013-10-24

Why are wealthy divorced women more likely to decide to remain single? “It’s much harder for divorced males to be alone than females,” says Fran Walfish, a psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, Calif. Unlike men, she says, “a woman’s ego cannot bear to tolerate a man using her for her money. She needs to know she is loved—rich or poor—flaws and all.”

~~~

Wait for it!

More than 83% of divorced men back on the dating market would consider marriage within the next five years, according to a survey of 5,000 millionaire members of the dating site MillionaireMatch.com.

Only 5% said “never again,” and 11% said they would consider remarrying after five years.

Divorced female millionaires were at the opposite end of the scale: A mere 32% said they would consider remarrying in the next 5 years, and 70% said they’d never marry again or would wait 10 years or more.

Shocked?

I’m not.

Here’s why:

1] Women bond, while men isolate.

2] Older men can date women any age, regardless of motive [both motives], while women require a specific motive.

3] An older man’s vitality is replenished through exposure to youth and beauty. For women, it’s the opposite. Youth and beauty remind them to check their wills.

4] Love is not at the top of an older man’s list of must-haves in a relationship. It is the opposite for women which is why they bond with other women and call it a day.

5] Men need challenges. Without them there is no purpose to live.

Fitness Guru and Author, Shawn Phillips, Talks “Balanced Life”

http://www.mystrengthforlife.com/relationship-with-perfect-physique-time/

Shawn and I are Facebook friends.

We have never met, though I had long-standing professional relationship with his brother, Bill, as a cover and editorial photographer for Muscle Media and Energy magazines.

Shawn posted this essay on Facebook recently, and I decided to share it here.

It speaks to the wisdom of age and how it challenges our perceptions of life and how many of us live it.

~~~

Everyone already knows the benefits of a healthy lifestyle.

To the faithful, I’m preaching to the choir.

But like everything else in life – and I mean everything – we reach a point of diminishing returns.

Training 2 hours a day, 7 days a week, AND eating perfectly, AND getting enough rest and recovery tend to sideline everything else, like family, friends, and loved ones who will eventually forget your name in the process.

The fact is there isn’t enough time in a day to do everything you want to do if other people in your life mean anything to you.

All those hours in the gym, on the track, in the pool mean what if you have nothing else in your life?

Your world gets really small, really fast.

This becomes more obvious at middle age when the time available to balance health and family are on a short fuse.

The time have come to reassess priorities if you want to live a fulfilling life.

Middle age is a wake-up call for men who’ve lived their lives for themselves: their goals, their objectives…themselves.

It’s fine when you’re in your 20’s and chasing a gold medal, or in your 30’s 80-hour weeks and endless travel are the only way to financial freedom.

But once you hit your middle 40’s – and beyond – you realize that the most important things in life involve people other than yourself.

In other words “being 7% bodyfat, ripped and living your life obsessed with fitness, exercise and some radical diet” is not a panacea.

Coming from a guy recognized as the epitome of fitness, this is something worth pondering.

THE GYM WORLD

At my gym there are more exercise addicted middle-aged men than there are gold-diggers, which is saying a lot in a town like Houston.

These men live for themselves all day, all night until one morning while on another in an endless series of runs, a torn Achilles tendon flips the switch and all they have left is a wheelchair in an empty room.

I’ve seen it more times than I can count.

Most of these men are single, divorced, living alone.

No cats. No dogs. Nothing to slow them down, interfere with the seamless obsession with me.

To those of us who’ve been around a while, we know the symptoms well.

The carrying on about how “working out is better than the alternative,” and “addiction is in the eye of the beholder” crap is as transparent as an open door.

Addicts with ever-shrinking lives memorize every excuse in the book to justify what they do.

But in the end, they’re talking to themselves because the rest of us have left destiny to do what it does best, which is pummel the weak.

As Shawn says [and I’ll leave it to his article to elaborate], “if you are using fitness to chase self-esteem vs. using self-esteem to fuel your fitness, you are on the infinite treadmill to nowhere.”

I finally leaned the meaning of this around the time I hit my 50th birthday and landed in a hospital with a high fever and sky-high liver enzymes due to over-exercise.

My life looked a lot like the people I describe.

I was told to stay out of the gym for a month, get a trainer who could help me get my workouts back in balance…and maybe see a shrink for what was obviously exercise addiction.

I was single, self-obsessed, spiritually lost.

Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom before we can land on our feet.

Long story short, I now cross-train with weights 3 days a week for 1 hour, not 3.

I do 1 hour of cardio, stretching and foam rolling on the days in between, and take a day off.

I still eat well, but I allow myself to enjoy a glass of wine, french toast, and yes, the occasional caramel chocolate treat.

And since I’m not working out all day long, I also have time to spend time with the woman in my life and our zoo of animals.

It took a long time for me to learn and appreciate the art of balance, but now that I have I have never felt so fulfilled, or been more productive.

It’s amazing how much time you can waste chasing your tail.

Thanks for that, Shawn.

Advertiser Stereotyping 101

Seriously?

Some people claim I’m in denial, that my chronological age has had such a devastating impact on my self-esteem that my only recourse is to pretend that I’m somewhere else in life.

This could not be farther from the truth.

My real problem is with stereotypes about aging, and how they never apply to me.

Ever notice that whenever there’s a product targeting “mature adults” the photo caption resembles the one above?

Who the hell are these people? Certainly not “me.”

I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I never grew up. I was fortunate enough not to have to: No kids, always self-employed, fitness-obsessed, financially free.

I did what I wanted to do [more or less] and nothing has changed.

I have friends of all ages, both men and women; gay, straight and somewhere in between, religious and not…some brighter than others.

It doesn’t matter to me. The murkier the merrier as long as they’re good people who haven’t given up on themselves.

With this in mind, there are many “well-known and respected” blogs written in large part by physicians who target the Baby Boom generation.

The vast majority focus their attention on those at the very edge of that era, or people born somewhere in the vicinity of 1946.

The rest are ignored because they don’t fit the narrative.

In other words, if you’re not in your middle to late 60’s, you’re too young.

Nonetheless, these “medically-based” blogs are everywhere.

You can learn all about how to keep your aching joints healthy, check out the latest in pocket catheters, or discover the wonders of bingo.

Even my 83-year-old mother laughs at them, quite frankly.

This is why Baby Boomers like me feel so alienated by advertising that targets my age demographic.

For example, here’s a “typical” couple used in an ad for mature dating:

I know. Weird, right?

This is more like it:

So why don’t ads like this exist?

Because there aren’t enough people like this to justify the advertising cost, so they pander to the averages.

How about nutrition ads for dads that look like this?

…Instead of this:

I don’t personally know any couple that looks like this.

The woman could be his mother, for god’s sake.

But I have to assume that this is what advertisers think average couples look like.

Call me a juvenile delinquent, or clueless, or whatever. But it’s just not relevant to me or my demographic.

Here’s one more.

This is a typical group of older mature people lifting weights looks like:

Seriously?

This is what it looks like for me:

I’m not telling you that everyone I know is a consummate athlete.

But what I am saying is that many older men don’t come even close to fitting the stereotypes perpetrated by advertising agencies.

If I actually bought into the advertisers version of reality, I’d put a bullet in my head.

This isn’t a rant about denial. I know where I am in the scheme of things.

But I also know that I will never throw myself under the bus unless life takes a bigger chunk of flesh than I can afford to lose.

It better be huge ’cause I’m not going down without first going to the wall.

Remember, life’s not over ’til it’s over and not one second sooner.

10 RULES FOR SURVIVING THE BABY BOOM

1] DO WHAT YOU LOVE, EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO DO IT PART-TIME.

2] WORKOUT ON A DAILY BASIS. IT’S THE VERY LEAST YOU CAN DO FOR YOURSELF.

3] CHALLENGE YOURSELF EVERY DAY.

4] GET A GRIP ON TECHNOLOGY. IT’S A NEW WORLD ORDER YOU DON’T WANT TO BE LEFT OUT OF.

5] CONNECT WITH PEOPLE, ALL PEOPLE. CONTRIBUTE, LISTEN, LEARN.

6] EAT CLEAN, LIVE CLEAN, THINK DIRTY THOUGHTS.

7] RUTS ARE LIKE SPEED-BUMPS. THEY COME AND GO. MAKE SURE THEY DON’T TAKE PERMANENT RESIDENCE IN YOUR LIFE.

8] NEVER, EVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU WHAT YOU CAN AND CAN’T DO, BE AND NOT BE.

9] BELIEVE IN YOURSELF OR NO ONE ELSE WILL, PARTICULARLY AT THIS STAGE OF THE GAME.

10] YOU’RE ONLY AS IRRELEVANT AS YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE. STAY IN THE GAME OF LIFE AND YOU’LL GET ALL THE APPLAUSE YOU CAN HANDLE.

I only know this stuff because I see what happens to older men who buy into someone else’s version of the truth.

Godspeed.

Baby Boomers Edge Closer to Oblivion

Photo: Freya Najade

If You’re Lucky You Get Old is an exhibition by photographer Freya Najade, chronicling the first thing she learned from the elderly people she visited whilst traveling the United States. At a time where the elderly are ostracized, or, in Najade’s words, ‘hardly seem to exist’, conjuring images of ‘wrinkles, disease and decay’, the artist was surprised that the people she met and photographed were not only proud of their age but were ‘still falling in love and breaking up.

Many of you will find these images difficult to look at.

They are largely UN-retouched, straightforward, brutally honest.

In short, not something we see a lot of in in a culture obsessed with youth and beauty.

Most older people are invisible to us, irrelevant, and for all intents and purposes, gone.

But as the oldest Baby Boomers edge closer to 70, we’re about to fall victim to the very culture we created.

Of course, we don’t all age at the same rate.

This is a result of our lifestyle choices as you will see.

~~~

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3135853/Richard-Gere-s-new-squeeze-Alejandra-Silva-32-displays-body-tiny-purple-bikini-cosying-65-year-old-actor-yacht-Italy.html

Richard Gere is decades younger than the man in the above photo, but you’d only know this from a birth certificate.

Unlike many men his age, Gere has chosen to let himself go.

This is a choice, not an inevitable destiny.

That he is dating the stunning Alejandra Silva, 32, mother of one, only adds to the cliche that love is only as deep as one’s investment portfolio.

So let’s take a look at other men his age and then let you decide what constitutes “old”

If any of the following 5 men were seen in the company of a 32 year old woman, you’d never hear a word from critics who claim “it’s all money, honey,” followed closely by “Ewwww,” and, of course, the old standbys, “Creepy” and “cringe-worthy.”

1] Sting, 63

2] Bruce Springsteen, 65

3] Samuel L. Jackson, 66

Jeff Bridges, 65

Kurt Russell, 64

In this case, I chose rich, famous actors who’s job it is to stay fit.

But many civilians [men not known in the context of popular culture] who happen to be in their middle 60’s are even fitter.

Men who practice Crossfit, for example, are some of the fittest guys I have ever known, shaming men half their age.

It’s all a choice.

How much effort we’re willing to put forth to be the very best that we can be?

For many, it’s very little: Consume a few veggies [when absolutely, positively necessary], do a little walking…and maybe add a glass of water between shots of vodka.

This is normal, average.

For the rest of us, life is a full-on crucible filled with challenges no one ever thought we’d be strong enough to face.

But here we are in the midst of a never-ending war of attrition, doing what we have to do to stand tall in the face of adversity.

Talk about relevance.

Staying fit is the very definition of it, closely followed closely by money.

Of course, there is disagreement about the order, as evidenced by Richard Gere.

5 Steps to “Relevance” at Any Age

1] Be a famous rock ‘n roll musician

2] Be a famous actor

3] Write a bestselling novel that becomes a blockbuster movie.

4] Create a new social media platform, like Facebook.

5] Be a famous talk show host, because that’s what talk show hosts are…

Okay, okay I get it. Not everyone is a multi-millionaire celebrity actor-rock star-writer-creator-talk show host….blah blah blah…

But understand that not being in one of the aforementioned categories constitutes being “nobody’ in the context of popular culture.

Seriously.

Of course, most thinking people know that “relevance” isn’t measured by popular culture, though graduate level courses may soon be required to clear up the confusion.

MANIFESTATIONS OF THE PATHOGEN

Post something mildly controversial to any online article and you can count on someone responding with something along the lines of “Who are you?” “Go back to your dead end job!” “You’re a nobody! How much do you make?”

Of course, they could be addressing someone who discovered the cure for Tuberculosis, but it wouldn’t matter because they assume that people who do great things are on the cover of People Magazine, like the rest of the gods, beyond the breath and scope of man.

This is the voice of America’s collective unconscious: We are invisible. We don’t matter. No one cares.

This psycho-pathology then takes a dangerous turn: “I have to make them care. I have to make them notice me. I have to make myself matter [to them, not to me, because I can’t validate myself].”

Road rage is another manifestation of this nightmare: “You think I’m nobody? “Not for long, MF!”

Then the manifestos left by people who commit mass murder in schoolyards: “You will remember me. I will live forever!”

~~~

All of this is the back noise of our culture that affects people of all ages, races and creeds to one degree or another.

Take affluent older men, for example.

What makes them relevant if they happen not to fall into the aforementioned categories?

1] A desire – and ability to – engage people of all ages.

2] Staying in shape, serious shape.

3] Reading, listening, learning always.

4] Knowing technology, the lifeblood of our era.

5] Refusing to babble on about artificial hips, aching joints, and dead and dying friends.

6] Challenging themselves every day, even if it’s sitting still and at peace for 5 minutes a day.

7] Throwing their shoulders back and moving forward like they mean it, not like someone’s dragging them.

8] Staying clear of convention when it suits them.

9] Going to therapy to help separate self-perception from delusion.

10] Not allowing other people to determine how they feel about themselves.

People admire those who aren’t affected by other people, who live their own lives, true to themselves.

“There’s a wonderful sense of well-being that begins to circulate . . . up and down your spine. And you feel something that makes you almost want to smile. So what’s it like to be me? Ask yourself, ‘What’s it like to be me?’ The only way we’ll ever know what it’s like to be you is if you work your best at being you as often as you can, and keep reminding yourself that’s where home is.” Bill Murray in Rolling Stone interview

http://thenewdaily.com.au/entertainment/2014/11/06/bill-murray-worlds-regular-guy/

We can’t change our actual age, be we can certainly change the way we approach it.

I challenge destiny every day of my life.

I also challenge beliefs [my own included], tackle misconceptions, and don’t let life roll over me.

It will if you let it.

Remember, life is a food chain and you are dinner unless you matter more alive.

How Success Changes Middle Aged Men

Male Grooming Arnold Ferrier Photo Bill Morton

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2893083/Would-let-husband-shave-chest-growing-trend-middle-aged-men-wives-say.html

As you will note in the article [above], chest shaving has become commonplace.

It’s also one of many manifestations of what many middle-aged men do once they have achieved a considerable measure of success.

Without that one element [success], there is no rationale for self-idolatry.

~~~

I know this guy in the restaurant business.

When he started out, it was all humility; dressing down, shaking hands, strung out in the quest for relevance.

Then over time and a lot of hard work, his efforts paid off.

He became the proud co-owner of a successful string of hip urban bistro’s with lots of national notice.

Eventually, like others of new-found success, he upgraded his car, his home…his lifestyle.

But something else happened as well: He changed his appearance. All of it.

His once thin frame now boasts long, lean muscle wrapped in a bronze glaze.

His chest, arms, back and legs are completely shaven.

His clothing went from $16 Haynes 100% cotton Tees to $180 John Varvatos V-Neck Jersey Knits.

His Timex “Ironman” was replaced with an assortment of bracelets of various materials and designs; the accouterments of celebrities, rock stars…and wealthy older men who don’t have to care what you think of them, which is how you know they’ve “arrived.”

Gone are the days of the obligatory handshake with a smile.

That’s also been upgraded to a certain vibe of self-righteous aloofness suggestive of someone who now resents how much ass they had to kiss to get to where they are, and now its payback time.

~~~

Without success, older men fade.

They don’t have the fuel to propel change.

In this sense, success is like a transfusion.

While average people adapt to circumstances and resign themselves to an average existence, successful tend to men stand out in crowds.

Even those who practice humility cannot hide the lining of confidence that follows them wherever they go.

In a way, they’re like beacons of hope in an otherwise paralyzing existential nightmare.

And people wonder why The Kardashians are America’s first family.

On Health and Fitness, Boomers Enter Uncharted Waters [music to the ears of our physicians]

When you’re 21, nobody tells you what you can, or can’t – or, probably shouldn’t – do.

At 60, nobody has the vaguest idea.

~~~

Upon the referral of a medical acquaintance at my health club, I went in to see a new Internist.

By the way, I already have a couple of internists, but I figure 3 is better than 2 and so on.

“He’ll take good care of you” I was assured.

In other words, he was someone who would understand my situation.

In the parlance of older men like me, understanding my situation roughly translates, “Understanding the psychopathology of older men living life like there’s no tomorrow, because, as a practical matter, there isn’t.”

Obviously, this is not literal. But in the context of what men think of “living,” a few years down the road is the opposite.

It’s really kind of Buddhist, but since we don’t live like Buddhists the allusion only works at cocktail functions after about two hours of drinking and fudging accomplishments.

Back to the Internist, I enter the plush setting situated at ground zero of an uber-expensive zip code, and am handed a few pages to sign that have everything to do with money and nothing whatsoever to do with health.

“I _______ agree to pay Internist $500/Hour for consultation, or prorated increments thereof.”

Furthermore, “I_______ understand that insurance is not accepted, except in the case of blood work, in which case insurer shall cover the cost of such services.”

Okay, so I wanted personalized service from a new Internist who would be available to me on an as-needed basis, still unfortunately this would still be at the $500/hour rate.

In many cases, you pay an annual fee for “concierge service,” but this takes it to the next level.

Most people would take one look at this paperwork and walk out the door. But to guys like me who want medical care and advice the way we want prompt room service, we pay through the teeth for it.

After a conversation about life, love and the pursuit of immortality, my bill for the visit was $645, which after all did include the drawing of blood.

I used a Visa, btw.

All of this brings me to my point, which is older men have no idea what to do – or, for that matter, what to expect – where optimal health and fitness are concerned.

The reason for this is that there are no established baselines, which is precisely because there has never been a generation like this one in the history of mankind.

1] We live longer than ever before, so, like, what the hell are we going to do with all the time?

2] We expect more from life – and our bodies – since we’re going to be around a while.

3] Many of us can afford better service, and since we’re no longer 25, we won’t sit in the back of the bus anymore [something not lost on those who send us bills].

4] Many of us are divorced and dating women half our age, which throws a whole new level of confusion into the mix.

5] Mid Life Crisis is something most driven, successful men experience at 10 times the rate of men who are happy with an outdoor grill and wife who loves them for who they are.

So like I said, no baselines.

If I walk into a gym and start to feeling fatigued after 30 minutes of cardio, is it because I’m old, or that I’m on the verge of a stroke?

Do I need to push my body harder so that I can handle more physical stress, or am I already at my threshold?

If I were 18 my high school coach would throw me against a wall for hurling in the middle of practice.

Now they dial 911.

If my blood work looks good, am I green-lighted to workout like I did in college, or is blood work coupled with age mitigating?

I have no idea, frankly.

This is one reason I pay so much for medical advice.

When I was young people like me didn’t exist.

Now we’re everywhere and none of us have the vaguest idea how to navigate this new terrain.

Some guys try hormone replacement.

Others visit plastic surgeons.

A wealthy few try stem cell therapy.

The rest rely on psychiatrists.

But we all understand that the party won’t go on forever no matter what we do, which never stops us from trying.

April 2024
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