Post Category → Exisitentialism

Jon Stewart on “Relevance Waning”

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http://www.etonline.com/awards/emmys/172325_jon_stewart_makes_promise_final_daily_show_emmy_speech/

“To everybody on television, I just want to tell you, cling to it as long as you can,” Stewart advised onstage. “Like death, like in the Titanic. Cling to it!”

Stewart admitted that his time away from TV hasn’t been easy.

“I’ve been off of television for six weeks, seven weeks, whatever it is, this is the first applause I’ve heard. It is a barren wasteland out there,” Stewart deadpanned.

~~~

I write a lot about “relevance” in the context of older men, and how the lack of it is akin to surgical castration.

Nobody – and I mean, NOBODY! – I gives that up without a fight.

When it’s gone, the fallout is always in the news:

Retired athlete now a drug addict; baron of business blows his brains out when risk trumps reward; once-famous actor fades into oblivion under a street lamp in the dead of night with a needle in his arm.

What keeps successful men alive is R E L E V A N C E.

Donald Trump once stated, “…there is nothing more voracious than this man’s hunger for wealth, fame and power,” and after being exposed to many such men in my life, the statement couldn’t be more true.

With this in mind, Stewart isn’t going anywhere.

He misses the applause, the notoriety, the power in a way similar to addicts when on the precipice of withdrawal.

It’s intoxicating.

Ask any retired rock musician what he misses most and the first sentence out of his mouth is “I miss my fans.”

I have a friend who is in various businesses, but the one he loves most is music.

When he’s on stage, he is someone else – infused with life, happy.

When it’s over, he goes back to the other guy, the one who’s a bit resigned, frustrated, bittersweet, sensitive, mildly depressed.

Once you’re on stage there’s no where else to go, particularly when you’re Stewart’s age with decades ahead of you … to do what? Fish?

There are men who’ve made fortunes many times over and are happy to live in relative obscurity with their riches and anonymity.

In fact, many claim to prefer this to fame of any kind.

But the vast majority of them still need some place to hang a shingle, whether it’s starting a charitable foundation, writing books, lecturing, or buying gold-diggers.

Without purpose, we’re nothing more than a memory with a large bank account, which is never big enough to fill in all the empty spaces.

Nothing fills the void when you feel like you no longer matter, even when you do to everyone, but yourself.

No wonder famous rock musicians continue to tour long after the money’s made, – and talk show hosts go on set, night after night, to the sound of their bands, famous guests and high Arbitron ratings.

The moment they walk away, they fade from relevance and time does what it always does.

As an older man who has done a lot with his life, I can personally attest to the fact that people like me don’t lie down for long because an idle life is, indeed, a “barren wasteland.”

We all need a purpose, and for Jon, it’s DEFINITELY another show.

The Spirit of Youth at Midlife: Why Men Need Space to “Misbehave”

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/22/midlife-crisis-4-ways-to-deal-changes-male-partner_n_3094414.html

If he wants a damn “motorcycle,” let him have it. Your marriage may depend on it.

If you’re in the same generation as your husband, you may want to keep the following things in mind as you age together:

1] Don’t judge him.

If he wants a motorcycle, you don’t have to jump up and down with joy about it. But you need to respect his desire to do something he’s always wanted to do, but couldn’t for all the reasons one might expect [i.e., job, children, et al].

Most men I know have already proven themselves financially, and now they just want to go back to feeling the way they did when it all started, mostly because they can afford to.

This is also why so many affluent older men have blind checking accounts, but I digress.

2] Remain calm, very calm.

Women should understand [and respect] that men must feel like men in order to continue functioning as men.

Sometimes this includes the viewing of pornography, which most consider normal and well-adjusted behavior.

In the grand scheme of things, it’s no big deal.

But for you women who consider it a form of cheating, you can either walk out on your otherwise faithful husband of 25 years, or just go with the flow.

Beating him up about it will just drive him to places like Ashleymadison.com.

3] Respect his fears about aging.

Older men worry about a lot of things they tend to keep to themselves.

1] Fear about the body breaking down.

2] Fear about retirement.

3] Fear about everything he once felt in control of.

These are all very real to him, common to most, and worthy of consideration from all.

4] Pay attention to his emotional issues.

Brushing off your man’s emotional issues is a recipe for disaster.

I know this will surprise many of you, but men have needs beyond sports and intercourse.

Always keep your marriage a priority, particularly after the kids are gone, and never, ever take him for granted unless you want a hooker at your door at 3 o’clock in the morning with a ransom demand.

SUMMARY

In study after study, it has been demonstrated that an aging man’s greatest fears are all quite similar no matter who he happens to be.

In my world, most men fear 1] impotence for obvious reasons.

This is why they are always having their cholesterol checked, their testosterone increased, and their fitness regimen on a fast track.

Some see this as racing with the devil because it is.

With this in mind, it become obvious then that aging men fear 2] weakness, in general.

No man wants to feel vulnerable, not in full possession of himself.

It is an indignity to most, and the reason so many suffer clinical depression after an injury or illness.

Then there’s the specter of 3] irrelevance that I can’t stop talking about in this blog.

A man with a lifetime of exemplary accomplishments is usually proud of what he’s done, and least likely to let go of it freely.

This is why great achievers keep working.

After all, you’re only as good as your last accomplishment, and if it was over a decade ago, you’ll never have anything to say for yourself at cocktail functions.

There are other concerns, of course, like losing one’s mind, but they are usually subordinate to the ones I just mentioned.

Aging is a Bitter Pill [No Wonder We’re All in Denial]

Liam-Neeson-MAINLiam Neeson, 63 ‘Never been healthier…’ for 63.

Ahead of turning 63 on June , he said: ‘My birthday is a touchy subject. I’m going to be 63 — nobody wants to be 63! I’m getting old. 

‘What I want more than anything is for it to be ignored. I just hate it and it makes me feel vulnerable. It’s such a private thing — the day you were born, the day you came out of your mother’s womb.

‘Some people hire a boat and do grand things like that, but I just get embarrassed about that sort of celebration and attention.’

~~~

What exactly is 63 supposed to look like?

Does anyone know?

As far as Hollywood is concerned, a 63-year-old actor is supposed to be fit, muscular, dashing…and yes, sexy.

A lot of this is projection, as many industry people are themselves middle age…and beyond.

But in the end it just gets down to pandering to a massive Baby Boomer market in denial.

This aside, how do a very select few 63-year-old men manage to maintain extraordinary levels of youthfulness?

1] Intense physical fitness regimens

2] Balanced diets

3] Low stress

4] Regular testosterone injections

5] Plastic surgery

6] Perfect styling

7] Flattering light

8] A willing suspension of disbelief on the part of audiences

9] Money and power

10] Dying famous at age 27.

~~~

Nobody wins this war.

We can be in spectacular shape at 63, but we’re still 63 no matter how imaginatively anyone spins it.

This is a particularly tough pill to swallow for older men of health and means.

They can afford to travel, dine at 5-star establishments, buy expensive toys, and date beautiful young men and women.

But the problem is that they have very little time to do it before the other show drops.

Think older man’s version of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off for adults and this begins to make sense.

This is why denial is my generation’s crucible.

Excerpt from Urban Dystrophy [the book] on what Midlife Crisis Looks Like from the Inside

 

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“I’m sitting at a white plastic table in front of a wine bar. It’s one o’clock on a Tuesday morning and an empty parking lot is the only landscape.

The streets are deserted.

Most guys my age are asleep. Their time came and went, and they let go in that unconscious way most men do when their stories have been told and the end is a long, drawn-out epitaph.

But, I stayed behind, along with the rest of the itinerants of the night.

I have no place to go that I haven’t already been, and nothing to do but wait and hope and sometimes pray for mercy that relevance and that one big love will one day redeem me, but it never does. Not really.

We’re beyond salvation. Most of us.

There have been exceptions, but the grace is never a hundred percent and you have to make peace with that the best you can.

We’re members of the bitten, the damned, the fighters against the forces of time until we no longer can.

Most of us are children of narcissists, narcissists who never died because narcissists never do—they’re just recycled and the kids are left to clean up the mess.

I wonder where all the time went. Time is all I have left to make a final stand.

I remember my first midlife crisis at 28. The rest is a blur.”

~~~

The “buzzword” for most men I know is relevance. 

To my late father, it meant carrying a business card with his name on it next to “Chairman and CEO.”

This gave him relevance no matter what else happened to be going on in his life.

Symbols like these are the quintessential calling cards that legitimize driven, proud men.

It’s otherwise known as a good “back story” every man needs to get the right party invitations.

I inherited this “gene,” if you will, and continue to struggle with what it means to feel a viable part of a world I’ve already traversed a thousand times.

Aging rockers continue to tour long after the songs have been written and the money’s in the bank. They don’t know what else to do with themselves, and more importantly, the limelight is better than no light at all.

Movie producers keep producing movies because they want to feel like they have more stories to tell, that there’s still juice in the tank…that they’re still viable.

I even heard a guy in Aspen say that no matter how much money he had to throw around during ski season, he still felt invisible:

“Hell, $200 mil is a drop in the bucket for a lot of these people. I can’t win.”

What he was saying was that he felt invisible in a world where money and power and influence and connections are the sole determinants of human value.

Sadly, for many men this is the fuel that keeps the soul alive.

In case you’re wondering, I don’t exclude myself from any of this.

Does “Low T” Cause Depression [or is aging a nightmare no matter how you look at it?]

depressedmanistock

Testosterone is the male sex hormone responsible for the development of many ‘masculine’ traits.

It encourages fat loss and muscle development, as well as sex drive, aggression, and energy levels.

In other words, the more testosterone, the more “Alpha.”

“Low T” has the opposite effect: Use your imagination. It’s bad.

Numerous health problems, including depression are heavily linked.

~~~

However, the relationship between depression and testosterone is very confusing because they are very similar.

If your “T” levels are low you’ll will suffer low energy, zero sex drive, crappy mood, endless irritability and difficulty sleeping – all of which characterize depression.

Some guys I know attack the problem with hormone replacement therapy.

In fact, most do…with varying degrees of success.

It cheaper than psychotherapy, and with faster results.

Nonetheless, “Low T” is not always the cause of depression, though it might be responsible.

For men who aren’t depressed and have lots of time and money on their hands, increasing testosterone might be an effective way to boost mood to even higher levels, improving drive, libido and motivation.

There’s always a higher high, after all.

But like other indulgences, it can become a one way street.

In other words, once you start, there’s no going back because eventually, the body stops producing it, not that you give a crap.

Most older men don’t care about anything but now, because there isn’t anything else.

Oh God, am I depressed?

~~~

CLEARING UP THE CONFUSION

If you’re depressed but don’t know why, you might start by asking yourself why someone with so much feels like he has so little?

This is a therapy question, by the way.

On the other hand, if you also have difficulty gaining muscle, losing fat, keeping your blood pressure in check, or losing your ‘morning glory,’ “Low T” may be the culprit.

Three other factors may play a role in depression:

1] Vegetarian diets low in protein.

2] Dark offices low in sunlight.

3] Physical inactivity.

~~~

Okay, so let’s say you aren’t a fan of hormone replacement therapy, and want a natural way to achieve similar results.

Exercise – Compound movements, like squats and bench press, and HIIT (high intensity interval training).

Sleep – This is where your testosterone is produced and why rest and recovery are so important. Make sleep a priority in your life. Keep your room dark and cool, and avoid caffeine before bed.

Vitamin D – Vitamin D is responsible for helping your body to regulate numerous other hormonal processes. The easiest way to get it is sunlight. If there is no sunlight where you live – or you’re stuck in an office for 12 hours a day –  supplement. It’s no surprise that all those existentialists came from countries bereft of sunlight.

Magnesium and Zinc – Magnesium and zinc support healthy testosterone production and prevent testosterone from being converted into zinc. You can Google it.

Saturated Fat – As shocking as this may sound, the most important ingredient in terms of your diet is saturated fat. It’s no longer believed to cause heart problems, but it will increase your levels of good ‘HDL’ cholesterol, which also happens to be what your body uses to make testosterone and other sex hormones. Try a glass or two of full fat milk if your stomach can handle it. It might improve your mood.

Protein – Protein is the building block of muscle. Now you know why vegetarians look like crap. Protein produces anabolic hormones [like testosterone] that encourage muscle growth, among other benefits.

ONE VARIANT

Avoid Plastic – Random, perhaps, research on ‘xenoestrogens’ isn’t pretty. These are substances act like estrogen in the body and significantly lower testosterone.

Along with our more sedentary and indoor lifestyles, this is thought to be one of the big reasons that men today have lower testosterone on average.

To avoid xenoestrogens, don’t eat out of plastic containers, and definitely don’t microwave anything in plastic.

ON A FINAL NOTE

The Stones famously lamented “it’s a drag getting old,” and it’s no surprise that Baby Boomer do struggle with aging more than the generation preceding it.

Boomers — those born between 1946 and 1964 — are the generation most likely to report being in treatment for depression, at 14 percent, according to the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index. That compares to 11 percent among Generation X (born 1965-1979), “traditionalists” born before 1945, and Millennials (born 1980-1996).

This makes complete sense to me because Traditionalists lived their lives in throes of World Wars and Millennials aren’t old enough to feel their age.

Note: Baby Boomers are more likely to have been diagnosed with depression (21 percent) than any other generation (Gen X: 18 percent, Millennials: 16 percent, traditionalists: 15 percent).

This aside, Boomers are also more open to discussing their mental health issues than older Americans who refused to admit to having any psychiatric problems at all – a key reason Boomers need therapy in the first place.

Are Scalpels, Silicone and Sex Parties a Necessity for “Good Marriage?”

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Louise Van Der Velde, 44, actively encourages her relationship therapy clients – mostly in their 40’s and 50’s – to turn to the scalpel and silicone to keep their husbands from cheating.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2814399/Women-forty-need-knife-stop-men-cheating-Expert-claims-surgery-way-stop-wandering-eyes.html

Ms. Van Der Velde also hosts some of London’s most exclusive sex parties, which she claims also save marriages…as if the silicone wasn’t enough.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3202497/Can-sex-parties-REALLY-save-marriages-Woman-arranges-raunchy-shindigs-frequented-huge-celebrity-names-says-deceit-wanting-sexually.html

As if this wasn’t enough, here’s a beat down on Courtney Cox for undergoing cosmetic enhancements that ms. Van Der Velde says is necessary for older women to maintain their appeal.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3206106/Courteney-Cox-51-unrecognizable-puffy-face-LA-event-making-appear-work-done.html

Apparently, once women enter their 40’s, they have to begin an aggressive plastic surgery regimen, workout 3 hours a day, and then attend sex parties in the evenings [with their husbands] if they want to keep their marriages in tact…

~~~

Comments on the first link:

As an older man who runs in circles where 40-year-old women look 25 [for reasons that have little to do with genetics and everything to do with money], I can assure you that all of them know the stakes for non-compliance. If they aren’t exemplary, they’re traded.

Why is this?

Answer: CONDITIONING.

Wherever they go, whatever they do, they see other successful men in th company of beautiful young women. It’s often referred to as “living life to the fullest,” to which they feel entitled.

For older women who use the same phraseology on dating profiles, it means I expect to be taken to Monaco on your dime.

Most of them are smoking hot for a reason. the rest are deluded and deleted.

Not long ago I attended a cocktail party/fundraiser hosted by a wealthy couple I don’t know.

When I was introduced to the man’s wife, i assumed she was 20 years younger than she was. Her skin was flawless, her body taut and perfectly proportioned and her teeth the stuff of cosmetic dental ads on TV.

How could a 48-year-old woman possibly look like this?

Money and the complete absence of stress.

In other words, she set herself up for a certain lifestyle in exchange for maintaining a specific physical aesthetic.

A small price to pay, indeed.

One look at her lifestyle, including framed photos of she and her husband at their Aspen “compound” was all most people need to see.

Comments on the second link:

People get bored, even with older women who manage to look half their age, and sometimes, especially.

The reason for this is that women who are willing to do pretty anything for money are also perceived to be morally and ethically malleable.

If lifestyle is the sole focus of one’s existence, then sex is just another lateral move in an otherwise relative universe.

Put another way, if men expect women to be beautiful at their expense, they also expect them to be sexual at their expense.

Thus, the sex parties attended by attractive and very affluent couples who deserve to “live life to its fullest.”

Why in Hell would anyone want to have sex with the same woman all the time? It’s ridiculous, right?

So now they have sex with ten times that number and it improves their marriage – marriage [again] being relative.

The women are willing to do what’s necessary, while the men do what they feel entitled to with women who are little more than objects, anyway.

No wonder they order them around like slaves.

When women have the money, they order young men around like slaves. Money doesn’t care. It’s an equal opportunity destroyer in this context.

Comments on the third link:

Courtney Cox has been through hell and back.

This aside, celebrities have it the toughest because people are always comparing them today with photographs taken 30 years ago and then wondering what happened?

Age happened.

I know how difficult this is to grasp, but as we age, celebrities age as well.

Courtney Cox in a vacuum looks great.

But none of us look great next to our college graduation pics.

Sorry.

No Road-Map for the Middle Aged Outlier

proofcopyWhen you’re 20, everyone has an answer.

When you’re 3 times that, no one has the vaguest idea.

~~~

Generally speaking, life is like a TV show.

You start out with a murder, followed by an investigation, followed by a conclusion, where the bad guy is caught and justice is served.

For our purposes here, let’s focus our attention on the investigation, where we try and figure out which direction to turn in the absence of solid leads.

If you’re in that 55-64 demographic, you know exactly what I mean.

It’s a weird place [think Devil’s Crossroads] where the pavement hits the dirt and you’re on your own.

Every decision feels like a skate over thin ice because everything matters 10 times more than it did when youth was like a high-density shock absorber.

EXAMPLES

1] You can eat this, but probably not that.

2] You can exercise, but not so hard that you stroke out.

3] You may need a mini-aspirin every day for life insurance, but it may also give you bleeding ulcers.

4] You should probably take mountains of vitamins, but nobody has any idea whether or not it’s necessary with a disciplined diet.

But what constitutes a ‘disciplined diet’ when your body is constantly under assault from everything that came before?

~~~

When I have a physical, the doctor tells me I’m fine.

What he doesn’t tell me is that I am fine for my age.

He may intimate that my blood work looks like that of someone half my age, but this doesn’t give me license to act like it.

TRANSLATION: “Keep doing what you’re doing, and be happy you’re not facing hip and shoulder replacements, herniated discs or arthritis like most people your age…” 

That’s a tough pill to swallow, but everything’s relative.

Almost everything I do I not supposed to be doing, but because it hasn’t killed me, I keep doing it.

 

With this in mind, here are 3 life tenets I live by.

They’ve helped guide me through thick and thin and I’m still here to tell the tale:

 

1] “To Thine Own Self Be True…”

Yea, Shakespeare got it right.

So did Aristotle…“Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, being nothing.” 

The first thing I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older is that burying things you feel strongly about is toxic.

You have to believe in yourself and be willing to place yourself in the line of fire for your convictions.

If no one ever did this, there would be little great art, music or literature, to name just three.

Life is not a popularity contest. It’s about standing for something, and not abandoning it when the blow-back begins.

This is what tests the meddle of a person’s life.

It elicits respect from all people who know that taking strong positions on anything is tough, particularly as a species that seeks safety and security above all else.

Tough decisions are the bane of every winner.

 

2] Athletics are not just for the young.

You think you’re too old to throw a Frisbee, swim 1000 yards in a pool, or perform a box jump?

If so, you probably are.

For everyone else, it’s open season.

Just because you’re no longer 20 doesn’t mean you can’t workout, and, in many cases, dust people half your age.

Life does not come with a manual that tell us what we can and can’t do at certain stages of life.

We do.

Going back to #1, if you don’t have the fire in your belly to take a stand for yourself, life will stand on top of you.

Take what your body will give you, and when it won’t give another inch, find another approach to the same challenge.

There are always work-a rounds.

If one joint is inflamed, find another way to perform an exercise that doesn’t hurt so that it can recover.

This is all academic. But so many older guys I know throw up the white flag.

The moment they do this, life takes twice its toll over the same course of time.

That’s also academic.

You get back what you put in.

 

3] Be good to the people close to you. 

The people who stand by you are the ones you owe your life to.

They deserve your support and your love.

Going back to what I said about human beings seeking safety and security, just know that the entire world can be against you and those closest are enough to withstand the fire.

All we really need in life are people we can count on, who love us, and who have our backs when things get really tough.

Nurture those relationships and you’ll never lose a dime to nature even if it kills you.

~~~

I’ll leave you with this:

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-the-need-for-approval-to-start-thriving/

Self-Acceptance the Antidote for Existential Annihilation.

Striped_bodysuit_for_Aladdin_Sane_tour_1973_Design_by_Kansai_Yamamoto_Photograph_by_Masayoshi_Sukita__Sukita_The_David_Bowie_Archive_2012.jpg

Striped_bodysuit_for_Aladdin_Sane_tour_1973_

You can’t please everyone.

THE GOOD NEWS: Accept yourself for who you are and it won’t matter.

~~~

Children seek the approval of their parents, while adolescents seek the approval off their peers.

Down the road we all seek the approval of our employers and/or clients if we want to keep our jobs.

But what happens to adults who rely solely on parental approval?

Why do we care?

Because on a certain level, all of us want to feel secure, both physically and emotionally.

But external affirmation is a slippery slope, keeping us in a state of emotional vulnerability.

We never grow up.

We’re frozen in time and space where nothing changes.

Eventually, we morph into facsimiles of our parents. We become clones, if you will.

The person inside never climbs out from the shadows, and for all intents and purposes, they die.

Just another seamless line of wallpaper on an endless wall.

The greatest achievers of our time set out on missions to accomplish certain objectives that were important to them, not to anyone else.

This is particularly true of writers, musicians, actors, entertainers of all kinds, where parents looked upon their life choices with disdain.

The classic case is the parent who wants their kid to carry the torch for the family business, but he or she decides instead to pursue science, research…or the culinary arts?

If that child – and all others – were trapped in the cycle of “parental approval” humanity world would be bled white of its individuality.

Does anyone think that great art comes from a parents pat on the back?

Hardly.

That only happens after they’re successful, then they’re praised in exchange for a house in a better neighborhood.

All I can say for men my age who didn’t have the courage to be themselves is I’m sorry.

I’m sorry you’re depressed that life wasn’t the rose garden you imagined.

I’m sorry you have nothing to say for yourself other than you were an obedient son, an obedient adult.

Now you know why no one respects you, including you.

The true blessing of children is their individuality, which should be embraced above all else.

Of course, if they start killing the neighborhood cats, I might suggest boundaries that have nothing whatsoever to do with their interests.

For everyone else, gay or straight, painter or attorney, your life is yours to live as you see fit.

In the end, we’ll all be better off for it.

Godspeed.

Radical Acceptance a Problem for Boomers [Like Me]

photo

One of the four options you have for any problem is Radical Acceptance (Linehan, 1993). Radical acceptance is about accepting of life on life’s terms and not resisting what you cannot or choose not to change. Radical Acceptance is about saying yes to life, just as it is.

~~~

I have a personal trainer who pushes me hard. Really hard. Three days a week we train for an hour, followed by 30 minutes of “homework” [support exercises] I do on my own. If I were 25 this would be a slam-dunk. Add 3 decades to that and not so much.

The problem for me is that I still resist where I am.

Let me restate that: I resent where I am, and, therefore, I resist it.

Case in point: On Friday we were doing vertical box jumps. I say “we” because I like to grab a bunch of kids half my age to do things like this with me to gauge my abilities against people who should be able top smoke me, but often don’t. It kind of my way of figuring out where I am in the scheme of things, athletically. Anyway, I had just completed a 36” jump when they decided to raise the bard 4 inches. Okay, I thought to myself, no big deal. It’s only 4 inches. I can nail this.

Side note: Truly athletic Boomers in the range of 60 are virtually non-existent. The ones who are, “juice” [i.e., take steroids], which makes up for some of the lost time, but never enough of it. But I don’t “juice,” which means I’m working with what I was born with and carved out over time.

So, back to the box jumps.

Two 20-something athletes before me barely made the jumps, and feeling immortal [I assume], I decided it was time to set the record straight on misconceptions about older men.

I approached the box knowing that I had done several sets before it, without incident, in spite of the soreness in my hamstrings from the previous Wednesday’s leg workout. My knees weren’t tucking the way they should have, but screw it, I was going in.

I raised my hands above my head as I readied myself to force them down to my sides, propelling me upward, when I stopped.

Something wasn’t quite right. I had to get my head in this if I was going to clear the edge of the monolith in front of me.

So I took a few seconds to compose myself, breathe, and visualize the jump.

This time, I approached the box with more determination and focus, as an audience stood around to watch this eccentric older man battle reality with a vengeance.

Again, I approached the box, raised my hands, took a deep breath…and jumped.

On the way up I could feel my left hamstring tighten slightly and all hell broke loose. My right leg cleared the edge perfectly, but my left foot hit the side of the box, forcing my shin into the hard foam cover a block of wood, and forcing me forward. The entire box collapsed with me along with it. I rolled twice and then stood up like a champ with a growing hematoma [a solid swelling of clotted blood within the tissues] on my left leg the size of a grapefruit.

I received applause for the effort and follow-through, but came away with the realization that not only was I not 25, but that I was in over my head.

While I could still outperform most guys my age by a wide margin, the kids were blowing me away.

“Not in everything!” I told myself, because it was true.

But what I failed to consider was the fact that, with the proper training, many of them would leave me in the dust. I was simply better trained no matter what the age difference happened to be.

This is textbook denial.

While I do accept the fact that I am older, and thus, less able to accomplish the feats of athleticism I could decades ago, I still try, thinking that I will somehow conquer the odds and land on my feet, instead of the floor.

Some will argue that without the belief in oneself, nothing would ever be accomplished. But there is a difference between running a Fortune 500 company and doing a 40” box jump.

Yea, I like the irony in that, too.

~~~

Here is reality for me in a few bullet points. If I don’t practice radical acceptance on a daily basis, I’ll end up in a mental institution.

Here we go:

1] Age. 

Unless you’ve been here, walking a planet for damn near 60 years is an existential nightmare.

You have to get past the fact that time is not a figment of your imagination, so no matter how much you deny it, it keeps marching with or without you.

2] Skin, teeth, hair and nails.

Suffice to say, just looking at a high school photograph of yourself next to a recent photo-op at a gala is enough to trigger a 911 call.

Get a grip. It happens to all of us, and no one likes it.

3] Energy, recovery and fitness.

You’re no longer a kid no matter how much testosterone pellets you have imbedded in your butt.

This means that your physical condition is subject to the passage of time – no matter what the quacks who prescribe the aforementioned testosterone tell you.

4] Your children are younger than you are.

This one is particularly difficult for many because, on a certain level, they feel like children themselves.

But radical acceptance teaches us that no matter how strong one’s delusions happen to be, reality doesn’t give a damn about fantasy – and in this context – neither do your kids.

5] Sex.

You may have noticed that your sex life is – let’s just say – different than it used to be.

There are workarounds, of course.

ED meds will soon be stacked next to aspirin bottles at CVS, and medical science has a quick fix for everything else.

But the intense desire to copulate like a wild animal is now a more subtle compulsion that encourages us to think before we act.

This is an adaptation that helps preserve wealth in the middle years when faltering egos are most susceptible to the exploits of gold diggers.

~~~

If you need more, fill them in for yourself.

I’m not that masochistic.

 

 

Clear and Present Signs of Exercise Addiction in Older Men [and women]

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I know a few older men [and women] who would rather die than miss a workout.

This is because missing a workout is worse than death.

http://breakingmuscle.com/sports-psychology/are-you-addicted-to-exercise-the-tell-tale-signs

~~~

There are quite a few exercise-addicted older men with whom I share a gym acquaintance.

It could be argued that I myself am an exercise addict to the extent that I train 6 days a week for 1 hour, sometimes 2, rather than 5 or 6!, which is not uncommon to many.

Most of the men in question are single – always single – principally because there is no room for anything – or anyone – else.

Even pets.

Exercise releases endorphins and the hormone Serotonin, which one tends to get used to – or addicted to – as the case may be.

Eventually the highs take over one’s life and everything else becomes meaningless.

Just ask anyone at AA what it feels like not to have drugs at their disposal.

~~~

John [not his real name] is 58 years of age and prides himself on his ability to run 5 miles before hitting the gym, where he performs hand stand push-ups and double-under jumping jacks to the amazement of everyone around him.

In this sense, he’s his own circus act.

His thin, muscular frame, and gymnastic abilities, earn him the respect and admiration of his peers, which is all he needs to side-step existential pain.

For a little while he can forget about his aging wife, his kids, his financial obligations.

In essence, he becomes someone else.

But eventually he has to go back to the “other” reality.

For some the transition is seamless.

For others, it’s like that classic Twilight Zone episode where the old woman lives through television re-runs of herself as a beautiful young actress, imagining that nothing has changed.

A married man with a family doesn’t have that luxury.

Now visualize a single man with time on his hands, and exercise addiction become a full-blown psychosis.

No wonder I see the same anorexics, bulimics and exercise addicts appear at my gym day after day, year after year; until one day they show up on crutches after a hip replacement – or just disappear altogether.

When people inquire as to their whereabouts, the refrain is always the same:

“They died doing what they loved.”

I guess one could say the same of heroin addicts.

Every addict has an excuse for dying, though they don’t couch it that way.

In the end, there is a razor thin line between exceptional fitness and clinical addiction.

ARE YOU AN EXERCISE ADDICT?

Seven factors are assessed and it’s something for you fitness junkies to consider:

Tolerance: Do you need more and more to achieve the same effects?

Withdrawal: Do you experience increased agitation, fatigue, and tension if you don’t exercise?

Intention Effect: Do you exercise for longer than intended on most trips to the gym?

Lack of Control: Do you have difficulty scaling back the duration and intensity of exercise?

TimeSpent: Do you spend huge amounts of time on fitness related activities?

Reduction of Other Pursuits: Is exercising too much affecting other parts of your life? (social, work, relationships)?

Continuance Despite Injury: Do you train even when you are injured?

Final Notes:

It’s been my experience that all exercise addicts my age would answer yes to all of the above.

Adding fuel to the fire, they “supplement” their fitness regimes with testosterone injections, HGH and anabolic steroids when the effects of aging begin to present.

This helps perpetuate the cycle long after nature fails them.

But longevity isn’t the name of the game in this world.

Escape is.

~~~

A few highlights from the article that all of us who have, at one time or another, crossed the line into exercise addiction know well:

1] We are often sick, injured or depressed.

2] We define our happiness by our bodies and level of fitness.

3] Our relationships suffer [or don’t exist at all]

4] We train like pros, but aren’t [so why?]

Training in proper measure is one of life’s most rewarding [and sensible] choices.

It’s not easy, and it does require major adjustments in lifestyle habits, but it must be balanced against everything else in life.

From personal experience, I can attest to the fact that if you don’t keep an eye on BALANCE, your life will get smaller and smaller and smaller until it’s just you and a bunch of codependent addicts enabling the cycle of addiction as the world passes you by.

Then again, if you can afford to run down the clock without having to worry about friends, family, spouses [or even a dog], we’ll all just do what we always do, which is use you as examples of what exercise addiction looks like, and why therapy is a better alternative.