The Truth About Online Dating at Middle Age

If you think delusion was rampant among adolescents, try this!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michelle-martin/online-dating-profile_b_7524482.html

I talk to older men all the time about their online dating exploits and its never pretty, mostly because the women in question bear no resemblance to the ones in the profiles.

As for older women, they seem to have a better time of it – at least in the short run – because while the men are generally polite and attentive, they tend to disappear after the check’s signed.

So what’s up?

As I enumerate, ad nausea, in my new book, Urban Dystrophy [Amazon], expectations always supersede reality.

The article cites a pet peeves of men, the usual suspects:

1] Too many pets.

2] Photoshopped images.

3] Looking for perfection.

4] Claim to be athletic, but aren’t.

5] Presenting boudoir shots while demanding respect.

6] Complaining about men.

~~~

Let’s break this down:

1] Many women acquire pets when men fail to live up to their expectations.

After enough defeated expectations, many women turn to animals and call it a family.

I’ve dated a few of these, and believe me when I tell you, it’s a nightmare for any man. Not only does he have to deal one manifestation of her PTSD, but he’s also dealing with her “kids.”

So why does she want a man when she already has animals?

2] Photoshopping is a pandemic not unlike the black plague, but with a higher emotional kill rate.

Women Photoshop-to-death virtually every image they post of themselves after the age of 40.

By the time they hit 45, their skin looks like Barbie’s molded rubber face.

Men know all about this, which is why they should demand a driver’s license number and birth certificate.

Women set themselves up for disaster knowing full well that men see with their eyes first before they consider anything else, including everything else.

3] Prince Charming does not exist at this juncture in life.

Now you’re balancing commodities, one against another. If the plus column is bigger than the minus column, consider yourself lucky.

I know it sounds weird, but most men had lives before they met you.

Now they have mortgages, therapy bills and a bipolar ex or two lurking just around the corner.

No matter what they look like, just know that what you see is rarely what you get.

On a final note, they have the same expectations in their heads and are ten times more likely to pay for what they can find on the Internet.

4] “Athletic and toned” is the buzz-phrase for every woman who wants a man, any man.

Here’s a quote on this topic from my new book:

“…a woman who runs five miles a day may think she’s in great shape, in spite of the fact that she doesn’t have great shape. Athletic accomplishments don’t balance emaciation, stretch marks, and sun damage no matter how you spin it.”

I always suggest to women that they ignore what men tell them about how perfect their bodies are, and instead, focus their attention on whether or not the phone rings after the first date.

5] Boudoir shots against a backdrop of “I want a serious relationship” are a contradiction in strategy.

Men see half naked shots as an open invitation to exploit what appears to be an Internet sex addiction, not meet a woman who’s open-minded in the bedroom.

Keep in mind that shots posted on the internet are, in fact, on the internet! Not in a scrapbook! Does any man with a reputation to uphold want those shots of you all over cyberspace?

6] Bitching about men is like telling everyone your best days are behind you.

We’ve all had bad break-ups, crappy dates, defeated expectations.

But any kid will tell you that the one thing that reveals a person’s age more than anything else is the constant bitching.

Young people don’t bitch because they’re young. Old people do bitch because they’re old.

Got it?

Bottom line, nobody wants to inherit your toxic waste anymore than they want to care for your parakeets.

SUMMARY

Older men already know that older women who post online profiles are probably in deep water.

When a woman is in her early 30’s its fine because many are steeped in their careers and have little time to meet and mingle.

But once a woman hits her mid 40’s, think of it as a suspect line-up.

This is why the best policy for older women trawling the internet for dates is as follows:

1] State your age [fudging 1 or 2 years is fine. 10 should constitute a class-1 felony.

2] State your education, including degrees from online institutions.

3] State any clinical diagnosis, including personality disorders.

4] State the number of marriages that have failed.

5] State the number of children you have, and don’t state that they’re the “love of your life” or the guy will run away from what he perceives to be an already established family.

6] State your financial situation [i.e., I’m broke and looking for a job, or I’m currently unemployed].

What an older man wants to hear from an older woman is something along the lines of “I have my own business and don’t need you to pay my mortgage.”

7] If you are fit as you state, he’ll see it in your photos. So make sure they are close-up…and crystal clear.

If you attempt to overly indulge in Photoshop, he’ll see that too.

8] Many women state very specific age preferences, which is about as ludicrous as it sounds, given the fact that what they have to barter is less than what most successful older men have to tolerate.

Of course, if you’re Madonna, you can find a gold-digger who’ll love you for who you are.

Get real.

We all have to after a certain point.

Two-Marriage Rule the “Natural” Course Among a Certain Demographic

Today’s testimonial is going to infuriate a lot of people, but what I’m about to tell you is the absolute truth.

In my world, it is commonplace for young men to marry and procreate with their college sweethearts, before divorcing them once the kids are grown, money’s in the bank, and younger women are coming out of the woodwork.

This is where the Two-Marriage Rule comes into play.

~~~

When a man reaches a certain age – and level of achievement – he expects payback.

The translation of “payback” goes something like this:

Scenario One:

“I’ve done it all: Married out of college, had kids, made money…and now what? My kids are gone, I’m semi-retired and what I’m sleeping next to looks nothing like the woman I married. But I don’t want to leave my wife because I still love her, in spite of the fact that I’m not exactly thrilled about the sex. She’s also beginning to make me feel old and irrelevant. What I need is a mistress in order to keep my marriage in tact. Then I’ll have everything.”

Scenario Two:

“I’m leaving my wife for a beautiful young woman I met at an art opening, who makes me feel the way I did when I met my current wife back at Georgetown.”

~~~

In both scenarios, the theme is the same: The man wants what he once had in order to feel the way he once felt.

Neither scenario is exclusive to men, by the way.

Women often have affairs because their own physical and emotional needs are not being met, which brings me to the question of why is everyone so damn bored?

~~~

From the perspective of older men, the reasons are academic:

1] An age-appropriate wife of 50-something is not the same as an age-appropriate wife of 20-something.

In the former, the man begins to visualize tombstones.

In the former, he gets a new lease on life with 1000 times the cash.

From the perspective of older women, the reasons are more complex:

1] While age-appropriate mates in their 50’s don’t trigger existential meltdowns the way they do in men, they do trigger boredom when men begin to take their wives for granted.

SOLUTION

The Two-Marriage Rule

For men who marry and procreate out of college, there should be an agreement between the couple that after 25 or 30 years together, the marriage is null and void.

The couple can then decide to either renew it or walk away without financial consequence, enabling the man to live with a younger woman in relative comfort for the balance of his life [and vice-verse].

SUMMARY

Life kinda’ sucks where marriage is concerned.

No one can be everything to everyone all the time, particularly after enough of it has passed.

People get bored, and because most of us are entitled, we expect more.

On the other hand, there are couples who are willing to age gracefully, allowing time to exact its pound of flesh without a fight.

Their expectations are more balanced, and their lives a linear trajectory that reads like a novel – beginning, middle…end.

Of course, I don’t personally know any of these people, but I’m told they exist.

FINAL NOTE

While older men derive vitality from beautiful young women, older women experience precisely the opposite in the company of young men.

However, women are far better at acceptance, which they encourage in one another through their uncanny ability to bond with other women.

If men were better at this both genders would experience the same longevity, with a slight advantage to men who find young women who aren’t gold-diggers.

I’ll leave you with this article from the Telegraph:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/10980731/What-do-young-women-see-in-much-older-men.html

The Top Ten Health Concerns of Baby Boomers

Scripps.org has published the top ten health concerns of baby boomers; concerns that will come as no surprise to anyone.

https://www.scripps.org/news_items/4623-top-10-health-concerns-of-baby-boomers

1[ Type 2 diabetes

2] Cardiovascular disease

3] Cancer

4] Depression

5] Eye problems

6] Alzheimer’s disease

7] Arthritis and Joint replacement

8] Osteoporosis

9] Flu/pneumonia

10] “Sandwich generation” stress

~~~

Okay, so now that we know what we already knew, let’s take a closer look at each of these with a more critical eye [eye problems, notwithstanding]:

1] Type 2 diabetes

From Mayo Clinic:

Researchers don’t fully understand why some people develop type 2 diabetes and others don’t. It’s clear, however, that certain factors increase the risk, including:

a] Weight. Being overweight is a primary risk factor for type 2 diabetes. The more fatty tissue you have, the more resistant your cells become to insulin. However, you don’t have to be overweight to develop type 2 diabetes.

b] Fat distribution. If your body stores fat primarily in your abdomen, your risk of type 2 diabetes is greater than if your body stores fat elsewhere, such as your hips and thighs.

c] Inactivity. The less active you are, the greater your risk of type 2 diabetes. Physical activity helps you control your weight, uses up glucose as energy and makes your cells more sensitive to insulin.

d] Family history. The risk of type 2 diabetes increases if your parent or sibling has type 2 diabetes.

e] Race. Although it’s unclear why, people of certain races — including blacks, Hispanics, American Indians and Asian-Americans — are more likely to develop type 2 diabetes than whites are.

f] Age. The risk of type 2 diabetes increases as you get older, especially after age 45. That’s probably because people tend to exercise less, lose muscle mass and gain weight as they age. But type 2 diabetes is also increasing dramatically among children, adolescents and younger adults.

g] Prediabetes. Prediabetes is a condition in which your blood sugar level is higher than normal, but not high enough to be classified as diabetes. Left untreated, pre-diabetes can progress to type 2 diabetes.

h] Gestational diabetes. If you developed gestational diabetes when you were pregnant, your risk of developing type 2 diabetes increases. If you gave birth to a baby weighing more than 9 pounds (4 kilograms), you’re also at risk of type 2 diabetes.

i] Polycystic ovary syndrome. For women, having polycystic ovary syndrome — a common condition characterized by irregular menstrual periods, excess hair growth and obesity — increases the risk of diabetes.

SUMMARY

What you need to take away from all of this is that while genetics play a major role in your destiny, lifestyle changes are just as important.

So basically, eat right and stay in shape. The rest is up to mother nature.

2] Cardiovascular disease

It may surprise you to know that depression plays a major role in cardiovascular disease.

The twist here is that exercise tends to mitigate the effects of depression, so you might want to consider getting off your butts and into the gym for reasons you didn’t consider but better learn before there’s nothing left to learn.

http://www.news-medical.net/news/20150731/IUPUI-researchers-receive-NIH-grant-to-study-effect-of-depression-treatment-on-cardiovascular-disease.aspx

SUMMARY

“In previous studies, we have found intriguing positive evidence that managing depression lowers risk of future heart attacks and strokes,” said Stewart, associate professor of psychology and an affiliated scientist of the IU Center for Aging Research. “With this new NIH-funded clinical trial, we hope to confirm that treatment of depression is cardio-protective, lowering the risk of developing cardiovascular disease.”

3] Cancer

Genetics are again the major factor in determining the likelihood of contracting cancer.

And again, the environmental culprits line up like dominoes – all the usual suspects we need to memorize.

a] Tobacco is attributed to 1/3rd of all cancer deaths in the United States each year. Keith Richards, however, is apparently immune to everything that kills other human beings so do not use him as an enabler.

b] Sunburns are something all of us have experienced at one point or another in our lives. The blisters, the burns, the endless tubes of Aloe Vera gel. It’s over. Those days are gone. there’s nothing you can do about something that’s already been done. Move on. This time with sunscreen.

c] Eat right. It’s funny how the same themes keep resurfacing. No matter what the illness, or prevention of said illness, eating right keeps popping up. So eat right for God’s sake.

d] Keep your weight down. Obesity is not okay no matter how you spin the narrative. The whole “curvy women” or “dad bod” craze is a lame attempt to justify unhealthy lifestyle habits.

e] Stay active. See #3 and #4 and get your butt to the gym.

f] No more than two drinks a day. Most people can pull this off without much difficulty. But this doesn’t mean that not having a drink all week and then binging on the weekends is okay. It’s not. Find the nearest AA meeting and say your prayers. You’ll need them.

g] Work in environmentally safe conditions. In other words, don’t work in a coal mine. For those of you who do, I might suggest a lobotomy.

SUMMARY

Adhere to all the lifestyle habits and throw the dice. Personally, iIm not a fan of getting blood work every 5 minutes because if the numbers aren’t perfect I begin to obsess about it, which makes me more likely to experience stress, and this in turn causes cancer. So no.

4] Depression.

I pulled the following article from Psychocentral.com, which offers a good overview of this topic.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/depression-and-baby-boomers-how-having-it-all-may-be-too-much/

On a personal note, it has been my experience that exercise is the best medication for anxiety and depression.

The problem is that the effects don’t last as long as psycho-pharmaceuticals, so you may want to do both in equal measure.

SUMMARY

Healthy lifestyle habits may include Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors along with your daily multi-vitamin.

5] Eye problems

After a certain point, we all have eye problems.

Hell, even kids who spend too much time on computers have eye problems.

Big deal. Get reading glasses or have your vision corrected, surgically.

SUMMARY

If your eyes are bothering you like the3y do me, go to an eye doctors to determine whether or not you have macular degeneration or cataracts or whatever and go from there.

You know damn well you’re not going to stay off the computer.

6] Alzheimer’s disease

This year, the first baby boomers turn 65. While Alzheimer’s is not normal aging, age is the greatest risk factor for the disease.

So basically, the older you get the greater your risk of death and dying in general.

How does one help prevent your forgetting the names and faces of your children and spouses?

1] Keep your mind active.

2] Eat and drink raw fruits and vegetables.

3] Add vitamin K to your supplements.

4] Reduce stress.

5] Commit to regular exercise.

6] Laugh more.

7] Run 15 miles per week [or the equivalent]

8] Consume more whole fruit.

9] Meditate [i.e., get your shit together and relax]

10] Consume more fish.

11] Quit smoking nicotine.

12] Adopt a Mediterranean diet.

13] Learn early Alzheimer’s symptoms, but don’t obsess about it until you start leaving your car keys in the freezer.

14] Sleep well no matter what it takes to get there.

15] Limit sugar intake.

http://www.alzheimers.net/1-1-15-resolutions-reduce-dementia-2015

7] Arthritis and Joint replacement

“Simply put, regular activity provides lifeblood to the cartilage that cushions joints. Unlike most tissues in the body, cartilage doesn’t receive nutrients from the bloodstream. Instead, it gets nourishment from fluid (called synovial fluid) in the joints. When a joint moves, the fluid sloshes around, giving the cartilage a healthy dose of oxygen and other vital substances. As an added bonus, regular exercise encourages the body to make more synovial fluid.”

I’ll leave it at that.

SUMMARY

If you don’t exercise, you can kiss you ass goodbye years before you technically die.

8] Osteoporosis

Adults who had spine curvature as children can develop severe arthritis in the spine next to their old curves. In other cases, osteoporosis, or weakening of the bones, can develop as a complication of menopause or medications as people age, even causing fractures. Forms of arthritis in which joints in the back wear out can also let the spine sag into a bad position.” Dr. Huddleston, mayo Clinic

No surprises here. Try strength training.

SUMMARY

Absent childhood trauma or a genetic predisposition to spinal curvature, the best thing anyone can do to prevent osteoporosis is strength train.

Most older men with that geriatric stoop are usually found wandering around the indoor track on their cell phones.

9] Flu/Pnemonia

Everyone has gotten the flu, and many, pneumonia. They both suck in equal measure.

The best you can do is wash your hands, keep your hands away from your face, get a fly shot, and then say your prayers if you know any. If not, make some up.

If you’re in good shape, your immune system should be strong enough to withstand a bout of either one, though it won’t feel that way.

SUMMARY

We all get sick from time to time.

But when you have less time, you tend to take it more seriously.

It’s not like you get to stay home from school and be served for a week.

This time around you have to cancel your trip to St. John and still have to deal with the office.

10] “Sandwich generation” stress.

There isn’t a damn thing you can do about this one.

In my case, I don’t have kids to worry about – and my mom lives near my brothers. of course, she’s only 83 and still running circles around them at 83.

When she does get old, however, we may be too old to care for her.

SUMMARY

There is no solution to this problem other than exercise and sedatives.

Good luck. You’ll need a lot of that, too.

More Bad News on [Unnecessary] Testosterone Supplementation in Older Men

From UCSand Diego health comes more bad news on “Tes.”

http://health.ucsd.edu/news/features/Pages/2015-01-09-mens-sexual-health-facts.aspx

~~~

I know it sucks, but aging happens.

The best we can do is [as we all know, but fail to do anyway is…]:

1] Eat healthy, balanced meals.

a] I eat 5/day.

2] Exercise regularly [particularly strength training for maximum lean mass].

a] I do 3 days of strength training and 3 days of crossfit style cardio.

3] Get plenty of rest [and recovery time between strenuous workouts]

a] I cycle my workouts to help recovery and avoid over-training.

4] Hydrate [because as we age our bodies aren’t as reliable when it comes to reminding us]

a] I have remind myself all the time to drink water! My body doesn’t tell me until it’s too late.

5] Avoid tobacco, excessive alcohol consumption and drugs – over the counter and otherwise.

a] A cigar once in a while, or wine in moderation is fine. 16 Vicodin over vodka tonics is not.

6] Avoid stress of the toxic kind. There’s a difference between good and bad stress.

a] Bad stress is something like divorce, terminal diagnosis, or a stock market crash. Good stress is everything else.

7] Have as much sex as you’re comfortable having without stroking out, which won’t be a problem if you’re following the aforementioned guidelines.

a] I’m a huge proponent of keeping an active sex life. The endorphins alone are worth the experience, and they’re organic.

8] Stay relevant. Technology rules the earth. The very least you can learn to do is turn on a computer.

a] I’ve noticed that older men who are clueless about technology are the most dependent people I know.

9] Read, study, learn. The mind is a terrible thing to waste, but even tougher to retrain once it’s been sitting around doing nothing for long enough.

10] Maintain friendships. Women are great at this, men not so much – which is probably why we die prematurely.

~~~

Middle-Aged Married Men and the “Other” Women in Their Lives […and vice-versa]

Houston, we have a problem.

Infidelity is an enormously complicated issue – or an enormously simple one, depending on how you look at it.

Nonetheless, the “faithful” continue to surge.

“…there are almost definitely at least 187,000 faithful spouses who would still vehemently argue that Houston has about 187,000 too many adulterers.”

http://www.houstonpress.com/news/should-the-ashley-madison-hack-have-houstonians-worried-7608927

Want the actual membership numbers across the fruited plain?

Check them out here:

http://247wallst.com/special-report/2015/07/02/10-cities-with-the-most-adultery/2/

If you’re interested in knowing where The Impact Team plans to dump the exposed member names, IP addresses, home addresses, and sexual predilections, check here:

http://pastebin.com/Kty5xBiv

~~~

So why did all this happen in the first place?

There’s always been infidelity. It’s not like it suddenly surfaced in the 21st century.

But why has it reached such epidemic proportions?

1] Is marriage, as an institution, dying?

2] Is feminism to blame?

3] Has sexual morality finally reached a point where its considered relative?

4] Have couples who married in their 20’s finally outgrown one another?

5] Has the Internet contributed to cultural addiction to higher highs?

In my view, it’s all of the above.

~~~

If you ask older men why they stray, their responses are usually the same: “I’m no longer attracted to my aging and obese spouse [in so many words].”

If men are programmed to perpetuate and spread their genes, then the go-to female is going to be young, and probably, beautiful.

It kinda sells itself.

But this is also the most infuriating to women as both genders grow old at the same rates, yet women still prefer men within 5 years of their age.

Needless to say, this places them at a distinct disadvantage, as they often find it almost impossible to find suitable mates.

They either choose much younger partners [who usually play the role of gold-digger], or spend the rest of their lives in the company of female friends, traveling the world and finding new avenues of interest.

There are exceptions, but once women pass a certain chronological point, it’s over.

So how exactly do couples prevent this from happening?

They have to keep pace with one another.

When middle-aged men become bored with their middle-aged wives, it’s most often because they have fallen out of shape, and with it, the youthful vitality that attracted the men to them in the first place.

Most men understand – and accept the fact – that both genders age, but in cases I’m most familiar with, the man cannot accept the fact that while he is in the gym every day, she’s on the couch.

The once collegiate volleyball player is now a frumpy matron, which breeds resentment.

“I’ve accomplished so many things in my life and this is what I’m left with???”

He wants the woman he married, albeit a more mature version, while she just wants a place to rest her head.

Clearly, one of them has given up.

Even in cases where neither party was particularly athletic, but one decides at middle age to get in the best shape of his or her life, the expectation is that the other will do the same, rather than wallow in self-pity and divorce papers.

In the end, couples have to grow together…and in the same general direction.

They owe it to one another if the perpetuity of their marriages means anything to them.

But people do change, and sometimes, you just have to accept the fact that the woman you married back at Georgetown is not the same woman today.

This is where couples either sit down and renegotiate the terms of their marriage, or move on.

The rest split apart while staying married for the sake of children, finances, and the passive love one acquires after so many years with the same person.

Marriage, like aging, is not for the faint of heart.

It’s a battle to the finish line both literally and figuratively.

The question you have to ask yourself is…Is it one worth fighting?

Note: “Fighting” does not denote misery.

We do battle every day of our lives, and the suicide rate is still lower than than the murder rate by a wide margin.

~~~

Top Ways Parents Embarrass Their Kids [and everyone else for that matter]

At some point, we have to get a grip.

I’m not a parent to human beings, so I freely admit to ignorance on this subject.

However, I do spend a lot of time around people who do have kids, many of whom struggle with the dichotomy of social relevance as it relates to adulthood.

In general, the objective is to be yourself without coming off as someone in denial, which requires a high degree of self-actualization.

This is a big problem for divorced, middle-aged men and women back on the dating scene who hit on people half their age.

I said “men and women” lest you think older men are the default scapegoats for all things juvenile.

Note: I said “hitting on,” not being “hit on.” There’s a difference.

Digression aside, many older women compete with their daughters on every level, including wardrobe, where they conduct raids on their closets on the weekends.

The following article sites several examples of this phenomena:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3170885/The-ways-parents-embarrass-children-revealed-celebrities-guilty-it.html

~~~

As an older man, I pretty much do the same things I did as a young man.

I go to the gym, listen to loud music, wear the same clothes I did back in the 70’s [except these have different labels and are ten times the price], and generally speaking, and generally speaking, live my life the way I always have: my way.

Having said this, I also pay my own bills and have a clean record with law enforcement, so kiss off.

That last flippant comment is something that would have passed my lips back in high school, by the way.

I suppose i should have substituted “kiss off” with “I’m not concerned what others think of my behavior or lifestyle.”

But like I said, my way.

In the end, you have to know the difference between who you are and how you’re perceived.

If self-actualization isn’t one of your strong suits [I’m calling out you narcissists], you’ll end up a sad stereotype in the eyes of youth in general.

~~~

HOW TO PULL OFF YOUTHFULNESS WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE AN IDIOT

Lesson #1: Don’t dress [or act like] Madonna

Lesson #2: Understand that you and your kids are two different ages. In other words, you’re a lot older than your kids. Some of you may have to start with more basic exercises to get the hang of this.

Lesson #3: Kissing your kids in front of his friends is about as embarrassing as things get in the mind of an adolescent, so don’t do it.

Lesson #4: “Youth speak” is ONLY done if you can pull it off without sounding like you’re trying to fit in. If you don’t know the difference, stick to the Queen’s English.

Lesson #5: Kids don’t like stories unless they are infants. Older kids don’t have your attention span as evidenced by the soaring Adderall sales.

Lesson #6: Teach your kids to clean up after themselves. Picking up their crap every 5 minutes looks like you work for them. Think of it this way: Would their friends pick up after their friends?

Lesson #7: Under no circumstances should you try and connect with them on social media. Let them come to you. If they don’t, blow it off.

Lesson #8: Know technology. I can’t emphasize this enough. This generation’s genesis is in technology. If you don’t know it, it’s kind of like not knowing about food.

Lesson #9: No matter what people tell you to the contrary, kids already know more about sex than before their 14th birthday. So don’t bother.

Lesson #10: Getting wasted in front of younger people including one’s kids – is about the most demeaning thing an adult can do, unless you’re Keith Richards, in which case it’s cool because he’s kind of immortal in that way.

Soon Everyone Will Have Steroids with Their Morning Coffee

#Dailymail ran an article a couple of years ago that stated “up to 20% of Hollywood’s leading men use PED’s [performance enhancing drugs].

Check it out for yourself:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2400714/How-Hollywood-stars-rely-steroids-buff-bodies-Up-20-percent-leading-men-using-PEDs-claims-new-report.html

But as everyone who works out regularly knows, the number is more like 90%, with the remaining 10% losing out to actors with “better hairlines,” which would be irrelevant had they taken the damn drugs.

Articles and website abound touting the merits of “hard work and diet” in achieving a preternatural physique.

“Yes, even you Mr. 60-year-old can look better than you did back in college with the right lifestyle choices!”

Total bullshit.

I guess no one bothered to mention the fact that eternal and youth aren’t synonymous under any circumstances.

However, if a man wants to look like the two guys in the above photograph who are well over 60 [source: Facebook’s “fitmenover50” page], steroids are the only way to achieve it.

I know you don’t want to hear this.

I also know you resent having to use facial fillers, take 300 vitamins every morning to supplement whatever time is stealing in your sleep, and avoiding anything that tastes good.

This is life in the absence of steroids.

You want a perfect physique?

You want to have a slice of pizza from time to time?

You want to train at half the intensity, half the time?

You have to take the drugs!

If not, join the mortal brigade and feel good about the fact that it’s all you.

But you won’t find yourself landing on these pages…

https://www.facebook.com/fitguysover50

See, in order to get press, you have to be extraordinary.

But in the the context of fitness, extraordinary isn’t enough unless you look extraordinary, which no one who undergoes regular drug tests can achieve.

Am I getting through here?

All these self-righteous pricks who tell you they have all the dense muscle and low bodyfat by the grace of god are completely full of shit – or steroids, as the case may be.

Thick, sculpted muscle fiber combined with extremely low bodyfat on a “fit over 50” man is the very definition of S T E R O I D S.

Hell, it’s tough for a 25-year-old guy to build that kind of physique.

The reason for that is that IT’S NOT HUMANLY POSSIBLE WITHOUT DRUGS!

EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY BODYBUILDER I HAVE EVER KNOWN AND/OR PHOTOGRAPHED WAS A STEROID JUNKIE, MOST OF THEM IN DENIAL.

Puhleeze!

Like we’re idiots?

Since when did mankind evolve into super beings that don’t even remotely resemble anatomy charts?

The only “human anatomies” people reference these days can be found in department stores that sell Under Armour apparel, which uses flawlessly sculpted “giants” to sell their products.

But they are M A N N E Q U I N S!

And while some elite, and ridiculously genetically blessed, professional athletes look a lot like this, it doesn’t last long.

In the context of things human, it’s a way to sell clothing, websites…press, in general.

As we’ve all come to learn, reality is a buzzkill.

So we’ve replaced it with something more interesting – no matter what the side-effects, both physically and psychologically.

But hey, ya’ only live once, so why not?

Better to burn out than fade away.

Note: Lest you think that men are the sole users of steroids, check this out:

http://www.oddee.com/item_99125.aspx

For those of you who are interested, the following article highlights the most popular steroids among older men:

http://www.mensfitness.co.uk/nutrition/supplements/1106/steroids-sale

On a final note, there’s the Anderson Cooper story, which has caught fire like everything else that involves cheating fate:

http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2013/02/07/74-year-old-defies-time-with-hormones/

But as one commenter stated: “At 65+ you’re looking at balancing the improved quality of life with HGH vs a longer life with less quality.”

This is becoming a mantra that pretty much says it all.

Throw the bones.

Why Women Should be Dating Older Men in Their 50’s and Beyond…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-w-anderson/reasons-women-should-be-dating-men-in-their-50s_b_6841616.html

You might also enjoy the following Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/fitguysover50

The Huffington Post article lists ten reasons why women should date older men.

I’ll add to the narrative:

1] Maturity

2] Gray hair

3] Good in Bed

4] Loves kids, but doesn’t want to burden you with his own.

5] Makes – and sticks to – date plans.

6] Physically fit.

7] Financially stable.

8] Knows he’s going to0 pay on the first date.

9] Well-traveled.

10] Doesn’t want you to mother him.

~~~

Okay, so for the past 4 and a half years I have lived with a woman half my age.

I’m not bragging, believe me.

Nothing is a panacea no matter what it looks like from the outside.

For one thing, it gets annoying when people refer to her as my daughter.

Thank God the ID thing finally stopped.

This is all part of the drill.

My ex was age-appropriate and often mistaken for a my mother, so we’re even.

With this in mind, why would a woman so young be interested in a man so much older?

While many will pontificate on her ulterior motives, I can assure you that she can find wealthier men all over Houston.

With this said, it boils down to the following 5 items:

1] Common interests.

We met through the art world, which means we met under circumstances of common interest, rather than a bar where anything and everything can – and usually does – happen under circumstances best left to local law enforcement.

We are also avid fitness and music enthusiasts.

When we first met I noticed that her classic rock collection rivaled mine – and mine is serious by most standards, believe me.

2] Sex.

To be perfectly honest with you [and I hate admitting this, by the way], there was a time in my life when I could not have cared less whether the woman in bed with me reached climax.

It was all about me, my needs, my conquest.

Today, it’s the opposite. It’s about her pleasure first, which I’ve found to be more fulfilling.

I don’t have anything to prove to myself beyond what I already know.

Being experienced – and appreciative –is a big deal in the bedroom.

3] Financial stability.

I know most people want to automatically make this #1, but it isn’t.

Contrary to popular belief, young woman don’t like blowing the best years of their lives on someone they’re not attracted to.

But it is also true most men in their 20’s and 30’s are still living at home, and a night on the town usually involves kegs, sliders and sports under fluorescent light.

With this as a backdrop, financial stability takes the edge off of life, and allows women time to step out of survival mode.

3] Maturity.

While some women enjoy getting wasted, sleeping with strangers, and partying all night long, others prefer a refuge from what feels like all out war to be a better alternative.

4] Knows who he is and what he wants.

When I was 27 I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.

I liked a lot of things, but couldn’t seem to settle on any one.

This included women.

Enough said on this one.

5] Has the time to devote to a relationship.

This one certainly ties into the 3rd item on my list, but it’s important to note that the relationship itself is on equal footing with everything else in an older man’s life.

He doesn’t have to climb the corporate ladder all over again.

This time in life is his to share with someone else.

He isn’t “on the road” every five minutes trying to satisfy the demands of a corporation bleeding him soulless.

At this juncture, he is the corporation and anyone who suggests otherwise can deal with his middle finger.

SUMMARY

The is no perfect relationship, no matter what the difference in age happens to be.

Whether it’s an older man with a younger woman, or an older woman in the same situation, it’s all about making the pieces fit.

It’s a more conscious process than it was back in the days when a smile sealed the deal.

Now it’s about who we’ve become, who we are, and what we want.

This takes about as much of the guesswork out of life as one can reasonably expect from human beings.

For many younger women, that’s more than enough.

Longer Life Vs. Quality of Life

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2010/feb/14/elderly-overweight-lower-mortality-risk

“…being overweight was a major risk factor for many health problems, including Type 2 diabetes, hypertension, stroke, coronary disease, cancer and loss of physical function. “These are strong enough reasons to strive for a healthy weight and avoidance of obesity. Moreover, given all the adverse effects of obesity on health, it isn’t biologically plausible that being overweight would lower mortality risks.”

In recent years there has been quite a bit of “noise” about older adults [65+] experiencing longer lives when their BMI [body mass index] is slightly above federal standards.

The rationale is that, perhaps, in cases when people are undergoing surgery or experience illness, they have physical “reserves” to draw from that keep them alive longer.

But at what cost?

If I had the choice to be 70 years old, but in poor health, or in great health up to the moment I died at, say, 70, I’d pick the later.

This real issue here is quality of life, not survival.

If all we managed to do was survive, why bother?

This is why this “living longer with extra fat” narrative is absurd as a practical matter.

Nonetheless, it bears noting that every study indicates that sedentary lifestyles, in general, are the leading cause of illness and premature death among older adults.

Just ask the guys in the above photograph.

Reinventing Yourself in the Middle Years.

We all dream, some bigger than others.

But as life wears on and we find ourselves somewhere between youth and old age, we often wonder if pursuing them isn’t a fool’s errand.

It’s not…as long as you can afford them.

~~~

I can’t count the number of men in my age demographic [58-64] who’ve decided to radically change directions in life.

1] Some changed wives.

2] Some changed careers.

3] Some went fly fishing.

But all of them had the financial resources to do all of it without fear of ending up under a bridge.

Their backs weren’t against a wall. Change wasn’t something they had to face.

When it is, I’m sorry and good luck. You’ll need it.

With this in mind, the first consideration when making the decision to reinvent oneself is MONEY.

It doesn’t have to be a lot.

But if you feel more secure having that income from computer programming in Florida than whatever you’d earn as a trail guide and wildlife photographer in Seattle, you might want to reconsider the move.

You’re no longer a kid.

Landing on your feet this time around will be a lot harder than it used to be.

I know this isn’t the stuff of fantasy, but fantasy this time around is a lot more expensive.

Using MONEY as the template for reinventing oneself, let’s take a look at the 3 possibilities mentioned above.

1] Some changed wives.

Many middle aged men find themselves in 20-year marriages that feel more like a death sentence.

The sex is dead and/or on life support, and whatever common interests they once shared is a distant memory.

Typical example: Middle-aged man decides to get in the best shape of his life, but his wife prefers sitting on the couch with a pile of history books and a bag of Cheetos.

Now what?

The usual outcome is that he either gets his wife on board with his new lifestyle habits, or he gets a new wife.

Some men buy Harley’s and hit the road with a fanny pack full of pharmaceutical grade testosterone, telling their wives they need time to find themselves.

Others take on a mistress without telling their wives anything at all.

The last group lingers somewhere between action and inaction, which usually ends badly for all parties because they’re forever in transition.

They don’t have the funds to cover the divorce attorneys and mistresses, so live vicariously through others–or sneak off to strip clubs for a few moments of pleasure before returning to hell.

2] Some changed careers.

Most guys I know make lateral moves in their careers.

Retired pro athlete becomes a sportscaster.

Actor becomes producer.

Musician starts his own label.

These moves make a lot of financial sense because they’re lateral.

These men aren’t coming out of lackluster careers in the insurance industry hoping to become rock stars.

However, with enough success under one’s belt, you can play male-believe rock star and people are still happy to take your credit cards.

Again, it’s a pragmatic approach to life that one must consider after enough years have passed.

3] Some went fly fishing.

Some guys don’t have a particular passion in life, so they do what they enjoy doing and call it a day.

While sitting on a beach in Jamaica for the rest of ones life may not be enough to fulfill many of you. But staying “relevant” in the context of popular culture isn’t for everyone, especially men who coasted through life doing what they were supposed to do because they didn’t know what else to do.

1] They went to school.

2] They got a job, any job.

3] They got married.

4] They had kids.

5] They retired.

You may not know their names, or recognize their faces, but there are tens of millions of them on every continent.

They make up the lion’s share of the world’s population.

Not everyone is an overachiever, not everyone wired for greatness.

If this were the case we’d all kill each other.

In many ways, these guys are among the most fortunate because they don’t need to feel involved in life in order to derive satisfaction from it.

SUMMARY

The men in my demographic do whatever the hell they want to do because they can afford it.

I’m not talking about private jets, homes in Aspen, or presidential suites at the Beverly Wilshire, though many enjoy all three.

I’m talking about comfortable lives in the absence of financial worry.

To be perfectly honest with you, these men are the happiest men I know.

Is there a direct correlation between money and happiness?

Yes.

Is having a tremendous fortune necessary in order to achieve happiness?

No.

Just understand that without enough of it, reinvention is an uphill battle that few men in their late 50’s or 60’s are prepared to face unless the road is already paved.

If you’d like an all-around happy ending to the reinvention debate, check this out from Mail Online:

Shared dreams…and money.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/travel_news/article-3161069/Tiny-sailors-Caribbean-Meet-extraordinary-water-babies-grown-travelling-world-boat-ocean-loving-parents.html

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