Why are Middle-Aged Men Committing Suicide in Record Numbers?

In 2013, 78 per cent of the 6,233 suicides registered in the UK were men. That’s a rate of 19 deaths per 100,000 population.

That more men take their own lives than women is not new. But in 1981 the men’s total was only about double, or just under, the women’s.

Now it’s nearly four times as many.

Since 2007, in fact, baby boomers have had the highest rate of suicide of any age group in the United States.

Historically, people between the ages of 40 and 64 have had one of the lowest rates.

To complicate matters, baby boomers are now sliding into the over-65 demographic, an age group that historically has had one of the highest suicide rates.

Making matters worse, suicides among middle-aged men with mental health issues have soared by 73% since 2006, which may be attributed to a combination of alcohol, job loss and debt, as compiled by the University of Manchester’s National Confidential Inquiry into Suicide and Homicide by People with Mental Illness.

Oh boy. Want more?

“Our findings show that within mental health care, middle-aged men are particularly at risk,” said Prof Louis Appleby, the director of NCISH who was formerly the government’s mental health tsar and leads the national suicide prevention strategy. “The problem is not simply that they don’t seek help – they are already under mental health care – so we have to understand better the stresses men in this age group face.”

How about this?

More men in the UK have died by suicide in the past year than all British soldiers fighting in all wars since 1945.

I’m neither a Sociologist or Psychiatrist. In fact, my only authority in this area is interpersonal exchange and an open heart, for which I have earned several Doctoral Degrees.

Men my age and socioeconomic niche are, generally speaking, over-achievers. They made their “piles” working hard, passionately over many years.

Many have been married and divorced a few times over.

The majority have children somewhere.

Now they’re smack in the middle of the Baby Boom generation, with nowhere to go and nothing to do that they haven’t already been done a thousand times before.

Only this time around, they’re older – a lot older – with far less time to enjoy life the way they did when the journey started.

It’s a small window of opportunity in which to reinvent oneself before everything becomes a hobble along a windswept beach on the edge of oblivion.

With this as a backdrop, here are my 5 top reasons middle-aged men off themselves:

1] Loneliness

Heterosexual men in mid-life are dependent primarily on female partners for emotional support.

One reason for this is that they’ve never explored anything beyond sports stats with their “friends.”

Women, on the other hand, maintain their independent relationships throughout life – divorce notwithstanding – which is one reason they outlive us.

To wit, suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts were three times higher among divorced men, and two times higher among separated men compared to married.

This is the quintessential dichotomy about men: While we love sex, we love relationships more.

2]Reluctance to seek help

Professor Shirley Reynolds, from Reading University, said one of the reasons for the rise in suicides is the fact only around ’15 per cent of men with depression and anxiety seek help’.

Most men my age practice intimacy-avoidance. They’d rather swallow a pack of Gillette straight razors than open up about clinical depression.

For one thing, depression is not manly. Men don’t suffer depression unless it’s tied to warfare, in which case it’s called PTSD, an acceptable acronym.

Anything else is an indication that you’re either gay and in denial, or didn’t get into enough fistfights when you were a kid.

In either case, you’re screwed in the eyes of middle-aged frat boys who are themselves gay, and in denial.

3] Money

Okay, I know a few people who put bullets in their heads when the market crashed in 2008.

Not having any money after have a shit-ton of it sucks more than just about anything else, excluding colon cancer, which is a close second.

You lose your house, your cars, your vacations…and usually, your wife.

So now you have nothing at age “60” and have no interest in starting over at Dairy Queen.

I get it. Use the gun. 30 years mopping floors or flipping burgers just isn’t worth it.

Plus you’ll never get laid again as long as you do happen to live.

4] Feminism

Many men bought into the notion that marrying super-achiever women – the ones who handle all of the traditionally male responsibilities – was a novel idea…until the women in question left them for real men who could buy and sell them a thousand times, which earned their respect.

It’s been my experience that women want men to be men in the traditional sense no matter what they say to the contrary. I’m not talking about some archaic master-servant relationship, but one where the man is clearly the head of the household everyone look up to.

But these days older men are caught in a cross-fire of conflicting expectations about what it means to be a man. This usually means that when things go South, they don’t have the coping skills to handle the downward spiral.

The bottom line here is that men should take care of themselves first – and everyone else – second.

5] Irrelevance

Okay, so your career is winding down, the kids are out of the house, and your ex-wife is a colossal bitch. What the hell are you going to do with yourself? You already proved to the world that you could become CEO of some star-up and make a pile of money.

Now what?

That job is done, but when people ask you what the hell you’re doing with yourself, you have nothing to say. This means you’re only as good as your last performance – which, by the way, was 10 years ago. Not good. Very bad, in fact. Particularly at society cocktail functions.

Men are inextricably tied to what they do professionally, so if you’re not doing what you were once doing, then what the hell are you doing?

Men need an answer.

If they don’t have one, they dwell on what to say to people.

This often leads to introspection, as in the meaning of life kind of crap and then hookers, drugs and a shotgun blast to silence the noise.

Believe me, older men need a good back story to survive. Otherwise, the only thing anyone will be interested in is conning them out of whatever money they happen to have left over from their glory days.

SUMMARY

Getting older sucks. The best you can hope for is money in the bank, good health, and a competent psychiatrist.

Note that money was the first on my list of must-haves because without it you’re probably better off dead.

How else are you going to afford the psychiatrist?

~~~

For more information, here’s a good article on depression in older men:

http://www.fiftyisthenewfifty.com/mid-life-crisis-depression-or-both/

Majority of Boomers are Positive About Their Generational Label

Many millennials don’t even want to be identified as such, with 60 per cent not considering themselves to be part of the ‘millennial generation.’ Instead, 33 per cent say they are part of Generation X~~~

Millennials attribute negative traits to their generation and the Silent Generation and Boomers see themselves in a positive right, describing their generation as patriotic, responsible, hard-working and moral.

Generational identity was strongest among the baby boomers, with 79 per cent of those within the applicable age group identifying with the ‘baby-boom’ generation.

Around 30 per cent of Generation Xers – those ages 35-50 – said their own generation was self-absorbed and wasteful, and 20 per cent of the baby boomers said the same about their age cohort.

Source:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3221560/Millennials-self-absorbed-wasteful.html

A few more facts about Baby Boomers:

The last of the baby boomers turned 50 in 2014 – there were 77 million people born between 1946 and 1964, which is defined as the baby boomer era (U.S. Census).
The 2010 Census shows the senior age group is, for the first time, the largest in terms of size and percent of the population in the U.S. Ove the next 30 years, the 65+ population will be larger than the younger generations.
The 50+ population has $2.4 trillion in annual income, which accounts for 42% of all after-tax income in the U.S. (Consumer Expenditure Survey).
Boomers and seniors have seen a decrease in their median family net worth, however they still have a net worth 3x that of younger generations (Economic Policy Institute).
Every year, the U.S. Consumer Expenditure Survey shows adults 55-64 outspend the average consumer in nearly every category, from food, household furnishing, entertainment, personal care, gifts, etc.
Baby boomers account for nearly $230 billion, or 55% of consumer packaged goods sales (Nielsen).
The NAHB predicts that the aging in place remodeling market to be $20-$25 billion. That’s about 10% of the $214 billion home improvement industry.
Boomers spend $157 billion on trips every year (NextAvenue).
Americans 50+ account for half of all consumer spending but are targeted by just 10% of marketing (AARP).
The Internet is the most important source of information for Boomers when they make major purchasing decisions (Zoomerang).
Boomers outspend younger adults online 2:1 on a per-capita basis (Forrester, 2009).

Does “Low T” Cause Depression [or is aging a nightmare no matter how you look at it?]

Testosterone is the male sex hormone responsible for the development of many ‘masculine’ traits.

It encourages fat loss and muscle development, as well as sex drive, aggression, and energy levels.

In other words, the more testosterone, the more “Alpha.”

“Low T” has the opposite effect: Use your imagination. It’s bad.

Numerous health problems, including depression are heavily linked.

~~~

However, the relationship between depression and testosterone is very confusing because they are very similar.

If your “T” levels are low you’ll will suffer low energy, zero sex drive, crappy mood, endless irritability and difficulty sleeping – all of which characterize depression.

Some guys I know attack the problem with hormone replacement therapy.

In fact, most do…with varying degrees of success.

It cheaper than psychotherapy, and with faster results.

Nonetheless, “Low T” is not always the cause of depression, though it might be responsible.

For men who aren’t depressed and have lots of time and money on their hands, increasing testosterone might be an effective way to boost mood to even higher levels, improving drive, libido and motivation.

There’s always a higher high, after all.

But like other indulgences, it can become a one way street.

In other words, once you start, there’s no going back because eventually, the body stops producing it, not that you give a crap.

Most older men don’t care about anything but now, because there isn’t anything else.

Oh God, am I depressed?

~~~

CLEARING UP THE CONFUSION

If you’re depressed but don’t know why, you might start by asking yourself why someone with so much feels like he has so little?

This is a therapy question, by the way.

On the other hand, if you also have difficulty gaining muscle, losing fat, keeping your blood pressure in check, or losing your ‘morning glory,’ “Low T” may be the culprit.

Three other factors may play a role in depression:

1] Vegetarian diets low in protein.

2] Dark offices low in sunlight.

3] Physical inactivity.

~~~

Okay, so let’s say you aren’t a fan of hormone replacement therapy, and want a natural way to achieve similar results.

Exercise – Compound movements, like squats and bench press, and HIIT (high intensity interval training).

Sleep – This is where your testosterone is produced and why rest and recovery are so important. Make sleep a priority in your life. Keep your room dark and cool, and avoid caffeine before bed.

Vitamin D – Vitamin D is responsible for helping your body to regulate numerous other hormonal processes. The easiest way to get it is sunlight. If there is no sunlight where you live – or you’re stuck in an office for 12 hours a day – supplement. It’s no surprise that all those existentialists came from countries bereft of sunlight.

Magnesium and Zinc – Magnesium and zinc support healthy testosterone production and prevent testosterone from being converted into zinc. You can Google it.

Saturated Fat – As shocking as this may sound, the most important ingredient in terms of your diet is saturated fat. It’s no longer believed to cause heart problems, but it will increase your levels of good ‘HDL’ cholesterol, which also happens to be what your body uses to make testosterone and other sex hormones. Try a glass or two of full fat milk if your stomach can handle it. It might improve your mood.

Protein – Protein is the building block of muscle. Now you know why vegetarians look like crap. Protein produces anabolic hormones [like testosterone] that encourage muscle growth, among other benefits.

ONE VARIANT

Avoid Plastic – Random, perhaps, research on ‘xenoestrogens’ isn’t pretty. These are substances act like estrogen in the body and significantly lower testosterone.

Along with our more sedentary and indoor lifestyles, this is thought to be one of the big reasons that men today have lower testosterone on average.

To avoid xenoestrogens, don’t eat out of plastic containers, and definitely don’t microwave anything in plastic.

ON A FINAL NOTE

The Stones famously lamented “it’s a drag getting old,” and it’s no surprise that Baby Boomer do struggle with aging more than the generation preceding it.

Boomers — those born between 1946 and 1964 — are the generation most likely to report being in treatment for depression, at 14 percent, according to the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index. That compares to 11 percent among Generation X (born 1965-1979), “traditionalists” born before 1945, and Millennials (born 1980-1996).

This makes complete sense to me because Traditionalists lived their lives in throes of World Wars and Millennials aren’t old enough to feel their age.

Note: Baby Boomers are more likely to have been diagnosed with depression (21 percent) than any other generation (Gen X: 18 percent, Millennials: 16 percent, traditionalists: 15 percent).

This aside, Boomers are also more open to discussing their mental health issues than older Americans who refused to admit to having any psychiatric problems at all – a key reason Boomers need therapy in the first place.

Why Older Men Tend to “Go It Alone”

When I was a kid, my guy friends were everywhere, though I’m not sure “friends” back then had much in common with friends of today.

As I’ve gotten older, I notice that friendships are something I have to pursue and nurture or they will fall off the face of the planet.

To wit, I received a phone call from a guy I know fairly well who was dismayed that after an 8-month hiatus from town, no one bothered to check in on him.

I got it.

Older men tend to fall away into their own lives like Mad Max in a desert with a dog and a shotgun.

We don’t bond well…or at all.

Why is this?

The following article sets up this discussion pretty well, and I will follow up with comments and a summary.

http://www.salon.com/2013/12/08/american_mens_hidden_crisis_they_need_more_friends/

~~~

5 reasons why older successful men I know don’t have close friendships with other men:

1] Men are viciously competitive

As I state in my new book, Urban Dystrophy [@Amazon], “older men are fully assembled entities, no longer young men of endless promise,” and therefore, disparities in life achievement can – and do – drive a wedge between relationships.

In my own life, I still feel tremendous competitiveness from my close friends, particularly those in similar lines of work.

If, however, we’re both equally successful [or close enough], we cheer lead each other.

The truth is I have yet to meet a man who applauds the success of another when his career is in the toilet. It just doesn’t happen.

Both must be on top in order to maintain balance…and applause.

This is why men who tout their success on social media often get likes from everyone but their “closest friends.”

2] Intimacy avoidance

If an older man’s greatest fear is loss of control, the last thing he wants to do is talk about his issues with his mother.

This is why men can spend 5 hours on a golf course and recall nothing more than sports statistics.

In this sense, Freud’s “Madonna-Whore” model is just as applicable to male-male friendships as it is to men and their wives.

If the guy’s too damn close, he’s cast aside.

If he’s too distant, it’s time for a fishing trip and 3 strippers.

3] Too many demands on our time

With all of the demands on our time, why attempt a communication campaign with other men when we have no idea how to do it?

Most guys I know are always busy with something, even if it’s nothing at all, which is why it’s never a good idea to cross examine them on this.

This is defense mechanism, of course, designed to maintain mystery – and distance.

Again, we’re back to competitiveness.

TYPICAL MALE-MALE INTERRACTION

Mike:

“Hey, Tom, how’s everything?”

Tom:

“It’s all good. How about you?”

Mike:

“The same. How are the wife and kids?”

Tom:

“They’re all good. Back to school after our vacation in Aspen.”

Mike:

“That’s great. We’ll all be up there in December.”

Tom:

“No place like it. Great catching up with you!”

Mike:

Yea, you too. Take care.”

~~~

So that’s it, a full-on man conversation. They both keep the narrative short and sweet, while conveying certain key points:

a] We’re both happily married, highly successful [think Ritz-Carlton, Aspen], and run in similar circles [think Aspen…again].

Slam-dunk. Now we can applaud each other.

No wonder women outlive us.

5 Physical Signs You’re an “Old Man” [at any age]

GENERALITIES

1] Rigidity and trembling of head

2] forward tilt of trunk

3] reduced arm swinging

4] shuffling gait with short steps

4] rigidity and trembling of extremities

Many men are literally falling apart by age 50, and it’s a Double Black Diamond downhill from there.

Everything hurts because everything is weak, particularly self-esteem.

Low self-esteem is then reinforced when people look right through them as though they don’t exist, because in a certain sense, they don’t.

With this in mind, here are 5 MORE SPECIFIC warning signs to look for – and avoid – if you don’t want to avoid stereotype:

SPECIFICS

1] man boobs [Moobs]

2] the “dad butt”

3] pregnant midsection

4] hanging flesh

5] pencil legs

The following link addresses the topic of posture:

https://www.painscience.com/articles/posture.php

~~~

SIDE NOTES

What interesting to me is how many women claim to support a “softer you.”

Of course, this comes from middle -aged matrons in average to poor physical shape, who don’t want the men in their lives to turn the backs on them to moment they do get in shape.

It’s an insecurity tactic that also doubles as a hedge against them having to hit the gym next to 20-something athletes.

People are always balancing their assets to achieve safety and security no matter what it ends up looking like.

~~~

Men my age are particularly concerned with the “SPECIFICS” column, because once they remedy these problems, everything in the first column disappears.

1] man boobs

As men age, they tend to lose testosterone and gain weight. Lower testosterone can lead to enlargement of glands in the breasts. Extra weight adds fatty tissue under the breasts. That can leave a man with bigger glandular tissue and more fat in his breasts. Fat cells make small amounts of estrogen, which can further enlarge men’s breasts.

HOW TO FIX THE PROBLEM

1] Lose Fat

2] Build muscle

3] Fix your posture

4] Exercise regularly

…and if all else fails, have a breast reduction. It’s called “gynecomastia” and it’s about a 90-minute outpatient procedure.

Final note: Get rid of those long, wiry hairs sprouting out randomly around the nipples. You can opt for laser hair removal available on every street corner in cities like Houston, or you can but a pair of tweezers at CVS.

“Boobilicious”

2] the dad butt

There is so much wrong with this condition I don’t even know where to start.

Suffice to say, when you get older and your butt starts looking like a hole in a 2 x 4, it’s time to start squatting.

Flat butts should be classified as a class-3 felony [at least] – in both men and women.

“Manbutteruptus in dad jeans”

3] distended midsection

Some otherwise thin older men appear to be walking around with a perfectly round “basketball” in their stomachs.

You might also notice that these same men have small arms and legs.

If it’s not a serious condition known as Cushing’s Disease [where the body over-produces cortisol], it’ poor diet, lack of resistance training, and usually, depression.

“Pooch in pouch in dad jeans”

4] hanging arm flesh

Flesh is not supposed to hang. It’s supposed to coat the muscles like house paint.

But as aging progresses, skin sags as collagen production slows, leaving your skin less elastic than in younger years.

“Hanging out loud.”

What to do about it:

a] Drink eight to ten glasses of water per day to keep your skin properly hydrated and plumped.

b] Speak with your dermatologist regarding laser skin rejuvenation.

c] Exercise regularly to strengthen your triceps.

d] Eat a healthy diet consisting of fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean meats and low fat dairy [and don’t forget the good fats].

e] Apply an over-the-counter cream containing alpha or beta hydroxy acids, vitamin C or retinoids.

“Hanging out loud.”

5] pencil legs

This is a particularly egregious condition for men of all ages, but horrendous in older men who can’t fill out a pair of slacks to save their lives.

No wonder designer labels are irrelevant. They’d be better off leaving the slacks on a coat hangar.

For the rest of you, just know that 60-70% of your total muscle mass is in your lower body.

If you don’t train your lower body, your entire body will not grow as quickly and will lack proportion.

If this is irrelevant to you, see your primary care physician for blood work to check your testosterone levels.

If they’re on the floor, you know why you don’t care.

For those with normal “T” levels, perform the following compound leg exercises at least once a week:

1] squats

2] leg presses

3] deadlifts

If you can’t even imagine yourself doing any of these, find a good personal trainer who will show you 50 different ways to achieve the same results.

Intense [and consistent] leg training is one of the true “secrets” to a muscular [and proportionate] upper body!

While I’m pretty sure there’s someone for everyone, I’m not entirely sure…

Who I Was Supposed to Be.

There’s this man I know who is a few years older than myself, though our difference in age continues to shrink the older he gets, according to him.

We’re shared an acquaintance for the better part of 30 years, and nothing about him has changed – other than the fact that he has, in fact, aged.

He’s always flawlessly coiffed, handsome, charming, narcissistic, and bordering on what many clinicians under duress would describe as functional psychopath.

I assume he has the capacity to feel empathy, and I assume, remorse, but it’s controlled like everything else about him.

He has fathered many children by almost as many wives, who maintain friendships with him if only because they don’t know exactly what else to make of someone who appears to skim the surface of life without getting his shoes scuffed.

This is what cold-blooded and calculating looks like in men who use veneer as a weapon of mass destruction.

This is also the man my father wanted me to be because he was exactly like him.

~~~

Many of us grew up in the shadows of our WW2 fathers, men who held the horrors of the world in check.

They traded in their uniforms for suits of armor that kept them in lock-step with a rigid mentality necessary to maintain sanity in the midst of wholesale bloodshed.

Who were they…really?

Many of us have no idea. We just see the symbols, hear the stories, imagine the people they were as children.

Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if I just accepted everything I was told.

Some of us are just doomed to failure, I guess.

Radical Acceptance a Problem for Boomers [Like Me]

One of the four options you have for any problem is Radical Acceptance (Linehan, 1993). Radical acceptance is about accepting of life on life’s terms and not resisting what you cannot or choose not to change. Radical Acceptance is about saying yes to life, just as it is.

~~~

I have a personal trainer who pushes me hard. Really hard. Three days a week we train for an hour, followed by 30 minutes of “homework” [support exercises] I do on my own. If I were 25 this would be a slam-dunk. Add 3 decades to that and not so much.

The problem for me is that I still resist where I am.

Let me restate that: I resent where I am, and, therefore, I resist it.

Case in point: On Friday we were doing vertical box jumps. I say “we” because I like to grab a bunch of kids half my age to do things like this with me to gauge my abilities against people who should be able top smoke me, but often don’t. It kind of my way of figuring out where I am in the scheme of things, athletically. Anyway, I had just completed a 36” jump when they decided to raise the bard 4 inches. Okay, I thought to myself, no big deal. It’s only 4 inches. I can nail this.

Side note: Truly athletic Boomers in the range of 60 are virtually non-existent. The ones who are, “juice” [i.e., take steroids], which makes up for some of the lost time, but never enough of it. But I don’t “juice,” which means I’m working with what I was born with and carved out over time.

So, back to the box jumps.

Two 20-something athletes before me barely made the jumps, and feeling immortal [I assume], I decided it was time to set the record straight on misconceptions about older men.

I approached the box knowing that I had done several sets before it, without incident, in spite of the soreness in my hamstrings from the previous Wednesday’s leg workout. My knees weren’t tucking the way they should have, but screw it, I was going in.

I raised my hands above my head as I readied myself to force them down to my sides, propelling me upward, when I stopped.

Something wasn’t quite right. I had to get my head in this if I was going to clear the edge of the monolith in front of me.

So I took a few seconds to compose myself, breathe, and visualize the jump.

This time, I approached the box with more determination and focus, as an audience stood around to watch this eccentric older man battle reality with a vengeance.

Again, I approached the box, raised my hands, took a deep breath…and jumped.

On the way up I could feel my left hamstring tighten slightly and all hell broke loose. My right leg cleared the edge perfectly, but my left foot hit the side of the box, forcing my shin into the hard foam cover a block of wood, and forcing me forward. The entire box collapsed with me along with it. I rolled twice and then stood up like a champ with a growing hematoma [a solid swelling of clotted blood within the tissues] on my left leg the size of a grapefruit.

I received applause for the effort and follow-through, but came away with the realization that not only was I not 25, but that I was in over my head.

While I could still outperform most guys my age by a wide margin, the kids were blowing me away.

“Not in everything!” I told myself, because it was true.

But what I failed to consider was the fact that, with the proper training, many of them would leave me in the dust. I was simply better trained no matter what the age difference happened to be.

This is textbook denial.

While I do accept the fact that I am older, and thus, less able to accomplish the feats of athleticism I could decades ago, I still try, thinking that I will somehow conquer the odds and land on my feet, instead of the floor.

Some will argue that without the belief in oneself, nothing would ever be accomplished. But there is a difference between running a Fortune 500 company and doing a 40” box jump.

Yea, I like the irony in that, too.

~~~

Here is reality for me in a few bullet points. If I don’t practice radical acceptance on a daily basis, I’ll end up in a mental institution.

Here we go:

1] Age.

Unless you’ve been here, walking a planet for damn near 60 years is an existential nightmare.

You have to get past the fact that time is not a figment of your imagination, so no matter how much you deny it, it keeps marching with or without you.

2] Skin, teeth, hair and nails.

Suffice to say, just looking at a high school photograph of yourself next to a recent photo-op at a gala is enough to trigger a 911 call.

Get a grip. It happens to all of us, and no one likes it.

3] Energy, recovery and fitness.

You’re no longer a kid no matter how much testosterone pellets you have imbedded in your butt.

This means that your physical condition is subject to the passage of time – no matter what the quacks who prescribe the aforementioned testosterone tell you.

4] Your children are younger than you are.

This one is particularly difficult for many because, on a certain level, they feel like children themselves.

But radical acceptance teaches us that no matter how strong one’s delusions happen to be, reality doesn’t give a damn about fantasy – and in this context – neither do your kids.

5] Sex.

You may have noticed that your sex life is – let’s just say – different than it used to be.

There are workarounds, of course.

ED meds will soon be stacked next to aspirin bottles at CVS, and medical science has a quick fix for everything else.

But the intense desire to copulate like a wild animal is now a more subtle compulsion that encourages us to think before we act.

This is an adaptation that helps preserve wealth in the middle years when faltering egos are most susceptible to the exploits of gold diggers.

~~~

If you need more, fill them in for yourself.

I’m not that masochistic.

Clear and Present Signs of Exercise Addiction in Older Men [and women]

I know a few older men [and women] who would rather die than miss a workout.

This is because missing a workout is worse than death.

http://breakingmuscle.com/sports-psychology/are-you-addicted-to-exercise-the-tell-tale-signs

~~~

There are quite a few exercise-addicted older men with whom I share a gym acquaintance.

It could be argued that I myself am an exercise addict to the extent that I train 6 days a week for 1 hour, sometimes 2, rather than 5 or 6!, which is not uncommon to many.

Most of the men in question are single – always single – principally because there is no room for anything – or anyone – else.

Even pets.

Exercise releases endorphins and the hormone Serotonin, which one tends to get used to – or addicted to – as the case may be.

Eventually the highs take over one’s life and everything else becomes meaningless.

Just ask anyone at AA what it feels like not to have drugs at their disposal.

~~~

John [not his real name] is 58 years of age and prides himself on his ability to run 5 miles before hitting the gym, where he performs hand stand push-ups and double-under jumping jacks to the amazement of everyone around him.

In this sense, he’s his own circus act.

His thin, muscular frame, and gymnastic abilities, earn him the respect and admiration of his peers, which is all he needs to side-step existential pain.

For a little while he can forget about his aging wife, his kids, his financial obligations.

In essence, he becomes someone else.

But eventually he has to go back to the “other” reality.

For some the transition is seamless.

For others, it’s like that classic Twilight Zone episode where the old woman lives through television re-runs of herself as a beautiful young actress, imagining that nothing has changed.

A married man with a family doesn’t have that luxury.

Now visualize a single man with time on his hands, and exercise addiction become a full-blown psychosis.

No wonder I see the same anorexics, bulimics and exercise addicts appear at my gym day after day, year after year; until one day they show up on crutches after a hip replacement – or just disappear altogether.

When people inquire as to their whereabouts, the refrain is always the same:

“They died doing what they loved.”

I guess one could say the same of heroin addicts.

Every addict has an excuse for dying, though they don’t couch it that way.

In the end, there is a razor thin line between exceptional fitness and clinical addiction.

ARE YOU AN EXERCISE ADDICT?

Seven factors are assessed and it’s something for you fitness junkies to consider:

Tolerance: Do you need more and more to achieve the same effects?

Withdrawal: Do you experience increased agitation, fatigue, and tension if you don’t exercise?

Intention Effect: Do you exercise for longer than intended on most trips to the gym?

Lack of Control: Do you have difficulty scaling back the duration and intensity of exercise?

TimeSpent: Do you spend huge amounts of time on fitness related activities?

Reduction of Other Pursuits: Is exercising too much affecting other parts of your life? (social, work, relationships)?

Continuance Despite Injury: Do you train even when you are injured?

Final Notes:

It’s been my experience that all exercise addicts my age would answer yes to all of the above.

Adding fuel to the fire, they “supplement” their fitness regimes with testosterone injections, HGH and anabolic steroids when the effects of aging begin to present.

This helps perpetuate the cycle long after nature fails them.

But longevity isn’t the name of the game in this world.

Escape is.

~~~

A few highlights from the article that all of us who have, at one time or another, crossed the line into exercise addiction know well:

1] We are often sick, injured or depressed.

2] We define our happiness by our bodies and level of fitness.

3] Our relationships suffer [or don’t exist at all]

4] We train like pros, but aren’t [so why?]

Training in proper measure is one of life’s most rewarding [and sensible] choices.

It’s not easy, and it does require major adjustments in lifestyle habits, but it must be balanced against everything else in life.

From personal experience, I can attest to the fact that if you don’t keep an eye on BALANCE, your life will get smaller and smaller and smaller until it’s just you and a bunch of codependent addicts enabling the cycle of addiction as the world passes you by.

Then again, if you can afford to run down the clock without having to worry about friends, family, spouses [or even a dog], we’ll all just do what we always do, which is use you as examples of what exercise addiction looks like, and why therapy is a better alternative.

The Truth About Online Dating at Middle Age

If you think delusion was rampant among adolescents, try this!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michelle-martin/online-dating-profile_b_7524482.html

I talk to older men all the time about their online dating exploits and its never pretty, mostly because the women in question bear no resemblance to the ones in the profiles.

As for older women, they seem to have a better time of it – at least in the short run – because while the men are generally polite and attentive, they tend to disappear after the check’s signed.

So what’s up?

As I enumerate, ad nausea, in my new book, Urban Dystrophy [Amazon], expectations always supersede reality.

The article cites a pet peeves of men, the usual suspects:

1] Too many pets.

2] Photoshopped images.

3] Looking for perfection.

4] Claim to be athletic, but aren’t.

5] Presenting boudoir shots while demanding respect.

6] Complaining about men.

~~~

Let’s break this down:

1] Many women acquire pets when men fail to live up to their expectations.

After enough defeated expectations, many women turn to animals and call it a family.

I’ve dated a few of these, and believe me when I tell you, it’s a nightmare for any man. Not only does he have to deal one manifestation of her PTSD, but he’s also dealing with her “kids.”

So why does she want a man when she already has animals?

2] Photoshopping is a pandemic not unlike the black plague, but with a higher emotional kill rate.

Women Photoshop-to-death virtually every image they post of themselves after the age of 40.

By the time they hit 45, their skin looks like Barbie’s molded rubber face.

Men know all about this, which is why they should demand a driver’s license number and birth certificate.

Women set themselves up for disaster knowing full well that men see with their eyes first before they consider anything else, including everything else.

3] Prince Charming does not exist at this juncture in life.

Now you’re balancing commodities, one against another. If the plus column is bigger than the minus column, consider yourself lucky.

I know it sounds weird, but most men had lives before they met you.

Now they have mortgages, therapy bills and a bipolar ex or two lurking just around the corner.

No matter what they look like, just know that what you see is rarely what you get.

On a final note, they have the same expectations in their heads and are ten times more likely to pay for what they can find on the Internet.

4] “Athletic and toned” is the buzz-phrase for every woman who wants a man, any man.

Here’s a quote on this topic from my new book:

“…a woman who runs five miles a day may think she’s in great shape, in spite of the fact that she doesn’t have great shape. Athletic accomplishments don’t balance emaciation, stretch marks, and sun damage no matter how you spin it.”

I always suggest to women that they ignore what men tell them about how perfect their bodies are, and instead, focus their attention on whether or not the phone rings after the first date.

5] Boudoir shots against a backdrop of “I want a serious relationship” are a contradiction in strategy.

Men see half naked shots as an open invitation to exploit what appears to be an Internet sex addiction, not meet a woman who’s open-minded in the bedroom.

Keep in mind that shots posted on the internet are, in fact, on the internet! Not in a scrapbook! Does any man with a reputation to uphold want those shots of you all over cyberspace?

6] Bitching about men is like telling everyone your best days are behind you.

We’ve all had bad break-ups, crappy dates, defeated expectations.

But any kid will tell you that the one thing that reveals a person’s age more than anything else is the constant bitching.

Young people don’t bitch because they’re young. Old people do bitch because they’re old.

Got it?

Bottom line, nobody wants to inherit your toxic waste anymore than they want to care for your parakeets.

SUMMARY

Older men already know that older women who post online profiles are probably in deep water.

When a woman is in her early 30’s its fine because many are steeped in their careers and have little time to meet and mingle.

But once a woman hits her mid 40’s, think of it as a suspect line-up.

This is why the best policy for older women trawling the internet for dates is as follows:

1] State your age [fudging 1 or 2 years is fine. 10 should constitute a class-1 felony.

2] State your education, including degrees from online institutions.

3] State any clinical diagnosis, including personality disorders.

4] State the number of marriages that have failed.

5] State the number of children you have, and don’t state that they’re the “love of your life” or the guy will run away from what he perceives to be an already established family.

6] State your financial situation [i.e., I’m broke and looking for a job, or I’m currently unemployed].

What an older man wants to hear from an older woman is something along the lines of “I have my own business and don’t need you to pay my mortgage.”

7] If you are fit as you state, he’ll see it in your photos. So make sure they are close-up…and crystal clear.

If you attempt to overly indulge in Photoshop, he’ll see that too.

8] Many women state very specific age preferences, which is about as ludicrous as it sounds, given the fact that what they have to barter is less than what most successful older men have to tolerate.

Of course, if you’re Madonna, you can find a gold-digger who’ll love you for who you are.

Get real.

We all have to after a certain point.

More Bad News on [Unnecessary] Testosterone Supplementation in Older Men

From UCSand Diego health comes more bad news on “Tes.”

http://health.ucsd.edu/news/features/Pages/2015-01-09-mens-sexual-health-facts.aspx

~~~

I know it sucks, but aging happens.

The best we can do is [as we all know, but fail to do anyway is…]:

1] Eat healthy, balanced meals.

a] I eat 5/day.

2] Exercise regularly [particularly strength training for maximum lean mass].

a] I do 3 days of strength training and 3 days of crossfit style cardio.

3] Get plenty of rest [and recovery time between strenuous workouts]

a] I cycle my workouts to help recovery and avoid over-training.

4] Hydrate [because as we age our bodies aren’t as reliable when it comes to reminding us]

a] I have remind myself all the time to drink water! My body doesn’t tell me until it’s too late.

5] Avoid tobacco, excessive alcohol consumption and drugs – over the counter and otherwise.

a] A cigar once in a while, or wine in moderation is fine. 16 Vicodin over vodka tonics is not.

6] Avoid stress of the toxic kind. There’s a difference between good and bad stress.

a] Bad stress is something like divorce, terminal diagnosis, or a stock market crash. Good stress is everything else.

7] Have as much sex as you’re comfortable having without stroking out, which won’t be a problem if you’re following the aforementioned guidelines.

a] I’m a huge proponent of keeping an active sex life. The endorphins alone are worth the experience, and they’re organic.

8] Stay relevant. Technology rules the earth. The very least you can learn to do is turn on a computer.

a] I’ve noticed that older men who are clueless about technology are the most dependent people I know.

9] Read, study, learn. The mind is a terrible thing to waste, but even tougher to retrain once it’s been sitting around doing nothing for long enough.

10] Maintain friendships. Women are great at this, men not so much – which is probably why we die prematurely.

~~~

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