Top Ways Parents Embarrass Their Kids [and everyone else for that matter]

At some point, we have to get a grip.

I’m not a parent to human beings, so I freely admit to ignorance on this subject.

However, I do spend a lot of time around people who do have kids, many of whom struggle with the dichotomy of social relevance as it relates to adulthood.

In general, the objective is to be yourself without coming off as someone in denial, which requires a high degree of self-actualization.

This is a big problem for divorced, middle-aged men and women back on the dating scene who hit on people half their age.

I said “men and women” lest you think older men are the default scapegoats for all things juvenile.

Note: I said “hitting on,” not being “hit on.” There’s a difference.

Digression aside, many older women compete with their daughters on every level, including wardrobe, where they conduct raids on their closets on the weekends.

The following article sites several examples of this phenomena:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3170885/The-ways-parents-embarrass-children-revealed-celebrities-guilty-it.html

~~~

As an older man, I pretty much do the same things I did as a young man.

I go to the gym, listen to loud music, wear the same clothes I did back in the 70’s [except these have different labels and are ten times the price], and generally speaking, and generally speaking, live my life the way I always have: my way.

Having said this, I also pay my own bills and have a clean record with law enforcement, so kiss off.

That last flippant comment is something that would have passed my lips back in high school, by the way.

I suppose i should have substituted “kiss off” with “I’m not concerned what others think of my behavior or lifestyle.”

But like I said, my way.

In the end, you have to know the difference between who you are and how you’re perceived.

If self-actualization isn’t one of your strong suits [I’m calling out you narcissists], you’ll end up a sad stereotype in the eyes of youth in general.

~~~

HOW TO PULL OFF YOUTHFULNESS WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE AN IDIOT

Lesson #1: Don’t dress [or act like] Madonna

Lesson #2: Understand that you and your kids are two different ages. In other words, you’re a lot older than your kids. Some of you may have to start with more basic exercises to get the hang of this.

Lesson #3: Kissing your kids in front of his friends is about as embarrassing as things get in the mind of an adolescent, so don’t do it.

Lesson #4: “Youth speak” is ONLY done if you can pull it off without sounding like you’re trying to fit in. If you don’t know the difference, stick to the Queen’s English.

Lesson #5: Kids don’t like stories unless they are infants. Older kids don’t have your attention span as evidenced by the soaring Adderall sales.

Lesson #6: Teach your kids to clean up after themselves. Picking up their crap every 5 minutes looks like you work for them. Think of it this way: Would their friends pick up after their friends?

Lesson #7: Under no circumstances should you try and connect with them on social media. Let them come to you. If they don’t, blow it off.

Lesson #8: Know technology. I can’t emphasize this enough. This generation’s genesis is in technology. If you don’t know it, it’s kind of like not knowing about food.

Lesson #9: No matter what people tell you to the contrary, kids already know more about sex than before their 14th birthday. So don’t bother.

Lesson #10: Getting wasted in front of younger people including one’s kids – is about the most demeaning thing an adult can do, unless you’re Keith Richards, in which case it’s cool because he’s kind of immortal in that way.

Ashley Madison Website Goes “Public”

A group calling itself, The Impact Team, has purportedly hacked into the infamous cheating site, Ashleymadison.com, stealing millions of private emails and used Id’s they intend to make public unless the site shuts down immediately.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3170243/Families-shattered-dating-website-adulterers.html?ito=social-facebook

Of course, infidelity isn’t the site’s fault.

It simply exists to serve a demand.

Nonetheless, the reason I’m covering this on Urban Dystrophy is because guys my age – particularly the ones who can afford it – often cheat without empathy or remorse, like sociopaths, if you need a quick Law and Order type reference.

Just a quickie here, an anonymous encounter there, and it’s back to the Disney Channel with the wife and kids.

No harm, no foul.

Except that that’s not the way it works.

For everything we do we get something back.

…like blackmail threats, phone calls in the middle of the night, or unintended – and highly embarrassing – public encounters you have to explain away before you’re nailed.

WIFE:

“Honey, have we met her before? How does she know your nickname?”

HUSBAND:

“…Um, she may be a Facebook friend or something. Weird, huh?”

Then there are the ubiquitous STD’s, some of which are capable of killing off an entire family faster than Chernobyl.

But hey, like I said, it’s just a fling.

~~~

So why do so many older men I know, and/or am acquainted with, cheat?

Because they are bored and feel entitled to more.

Like I say in my new book of the same name, #urbandystrophy, they’re driven and ambitious men who’ve been financially successful, and thus, feel deserving of whatever life has to offer, which includes everything.

~~~

Most men I know say that their sex lives are in the toilet.

“Started our great, died. She’s no longer interested.”

The irony is that from her perspective, you’d hear the same damn thing.

COUNTER ARGUMENT

Some claim that affairs are actually good for their marriages, that they help keep them together.

But “marriage” is relative in this context, as it’s already dead.

Thus, Ashleigh Madison’s tag line should change from “life’s too short, why not have an Affair?” to “After a long afternoon in a roadside motel, it’s still nice having someone at home you can lay my head on…”

Reinventing Yourself in the Middle Years.

We all dream, some bigger than others.

But as life wears on and we find ourselves somewhere between youth and old age, we often wonder if pursuing them isn’t a fool’s errand.

It’s not…as long as you can afford them.

~~~

I can’t count the number of men in my age demographic [58-64] who’ve decided to radically change directions in life.

1] Some changed wives.

2] Some changed careers.

3] Some went fly fishing.

But all of them had the financial resources to do all of it without fear of ending up under a bridge.

Their backs weren’t against a wall. Change wasn’t something they had to face.

When it is, I’m sorry and good luck. You’ll need it.

With this in mind, the first consideration when making the decision to reinvent oneself is MONEY.

It doesn’t have to be a lot.

But if you feel more secure having that income from computer programming in Florida than whatever you’d earn as a trail guide and wildlife photographer in Seattle, you might want to reconsider the move.

You’re no longer a kid.

Landing on your feet this time around will be a lot harder than it used to be.

I know this isn’t the stuff of fantasy, but fantasy this time around is a lot more expensive.

Using MONEY as the template for reinventing oneself, let’s take a look at the 3 possibilities mentioned above.

1] Some changed wives.

Many middle aged men find themselves in 20-year marriages that feel more like a death sentence.

The sex is dead and/or on life support, and whatever common interests they once shared is a distant memory.

Typical example: Middle-aged man decides to get in the best shape of his life, but his wife prefers sitting on the couch with a pile of history books and a bag of Cheetos.

Now what?

The usual outcome is that he either gets his wife on board with his new lifestyle habits, or he gets a new wife.

Some men buy Harley’s and hit the road with a fanny pack full of pharmaceutical grade testosterone, telling their wives they need time to find themselves.

Others take on a mistress without telling their wives anything at all.

The last group lingers somewhere between action and inaction, which usually ends badly for all parties because they’re forever in transition.

They don’t have the funds to cover the divorce attorneys and mistresses, so live vicariously through others–or sneak off to strip clubs for a few moments of pleasure before returning to hell.

2] Some changed careers.

Most guys I know make lateral moves in their careers.

Retired pro athlete becomes a sportscaster.

Actor becomes producer.

Musician starts his own label.

These moves make a lot of financial sense because they’re lateral.

These men aren’t coming out of lackluster careers in the insurance industry hoping to become rock stars.

However, with enough success under one’s belt, you can play male-believe rock star and people are still happy to take your credit cards.

Again, it’s a pragmatic approach to life that one must consider after enough years have passed.

3] Some went fly fishing.

Some guys don’t have a particular passion in life, so they do what they enjoy doing and call it a day.

While sitting on a beach in Jamaica for the rest of ones life may not be enough to fulfill many of you. But staying “relevant” in the context of popular culture isn’t for everyone, especially men who coasted through life doing what they were supposed to do because they didn’t know what else to do.

1] They went to school.

2] They got a job, any job.

3] They got married.

4] They had kids.

5] They retired.

You may not know their names, or recognize their faces, but there are tens of millions of them on every continent.

They make up the lion’s share of the world’s population.

Not everyone is an overachiever, not everyone wired for greatness.

If this were the case we’d all kill each other.

In many ways, these guys are among the most fortunate because they don’t need to feel involved in life in order to derive satisfaction from it.

SUMMARY

The men in my demographic do whatever the hell they want to do because they can afford it.

I’m not talking about private jets, homes in Aspen, or presidential suites at the Beverly Wilshire, though many enjoy all three.

I’m talking about comfortable lives in the absence of financial worry.

To be perfectly honest with you, these men are the happiest men I know.

Is there a direct correlation between money and happiness?

Yes.

Is having a tremendous fortune necessary in order to achieve happiness?

No.

Just understand that without enough of it, reinvention is an uphill battle that few men in their late 50’s or 60’s are prepared to face unless the road is already paved.

If you’d like an all-around happy ending to the reinvention debate, check this out from Mail Online:

Shared dreams…and money.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/travel_news/article-3161069/Tiny-sailors-Caribbean-Meet-extraordinary-water-babies-grown-travelling-world-boat-ocean-loving-parents.html

Media Stereotypes of Older Men vs. Reality

This old fella here is probably in his mid-70’s, yet he’s cast as a man of 58.

Honestly, I’d consider addressing him as “sir,” with old man sunglasses, old man arms, and that swing thing so common among men who were either stroke victims, or in rehab for shoulder surgery.

This notwithstanding, if he were 80, I’d say he was in great shape no matter what the tangential health issues.

Of course, I could be wrong.

He may, in fact, be 58.

If this is the case, God help him.

~~~

Here’s a recent article that appeared in Livestrong.com.

The photo caption above is the one taken from the article:

http://www.livestrong.com/article/437206-common-exercises-for-58-year-old-men/

In my world, guys in th 58-62 range look more like this:

Gord Mackinnon, crossfit athlete.

According to the article, men in the 58-62-year-old range are in transition between what’s considered middle age and senior citizen, the later of which falls on top of the 65-year-old.

Hell, you just as soon shoot yourself by these standards.

So how does a “geriatric” of 58 stay in shape?

According to the article, here are the obligatory exercises:

1] Swimming

“An enjoyable exercise that aging men who suffer from sore, achy and stiff joints [as well as muscles] commonly engage in.”

COMMENTS

This is fine for the average man who wants to claim to be athletic, but isn’t.

Nobody I know paddles around for 30 minutes and feels any sense of accomplishment.

You have to push yourself to experience gains.

If you do 30 minutes of swimming 3x/wk, make it 30 minutes of intervals, each heat hitting hitting your 85% max heart rate.

2] Walking

“Walking is an easy exercise habit for older men to stick with…”

COMMENTS

Am I really reading this?

Next thing you know they’ll be referring to getting out of bed.

If you’re going to do a walking routine, make sure it’s it’s intense enough to achieve your training heart rate.

A leisurely walk is something you do in a museum, not on a track or gym.

Yesterday, my workout concluded with a 5 minute-walking sprint on a treadmill.

It was set at manual, so I had to push the rubberized track.

It wasn’t going to move by itself.

I managed to hit 146 BPM, which is close to 87% of max.

By the time it was over i could have squeezed a full glass of sweat from my t-shirt.

That’s training.

3] Bike riding

“Bike riding is a no-impact exercise that is gentler on knee joints than pavement-pounding exercises…”

COMMENTS

Oh my God, shut the hell up already!

Are you kidding me?

Try a spin class before you get your old ass on a bike.

It will get you in shape so you don’t fall down and not be able to get back up.

4] Weight training

“Hit the weights two to three times per week with two exercises each for the chest, back, arms, shoulders, legs and core.”

COMMENTS

Yes folks, this stuff is actually published.

Weight training for a 58-year-old is exactly the same as it is for a 38-year-old, except that the older guy needs more recovery time. Period.

I weight train 3x/wk and pack on as much muscle as I did 20 years ago.

The reason for this is rest and recovery.

I can no longer weight train 5 days a week without chronic inflammation and/or injury.

But when I do train, I can humble men half my age.

I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I am capable of doing all the things I did at 20, nor am I going to tell you that age categories in fitness competitions are irrelevant.

What I am telling you is that your training is just as tough as it always was, rest and recovery considered.

5] Flexibility and balance

“Older men commonly experience a decrease in flexibility and joint mobility as they age.”

COMMENTS

All men of all ages experience decreases in flexibility when they are inactive.

That’s why seasoned athletes spend an inordinate amount of time on flexibility and mobility exercises.

The human body is meant to move.

SUMMARY

Whether it’s swimming, walking, cycling, weight training or flexibility work, if you want gains, you have to push your boundaries to get the results you have in your head.

As I’ve said a hundred times before, it’s not a cakewalk, not for the faint of heart, not for the easily defeated.

A fitness lifestyle is a different way of looking at life.

It’s all-encompassing. Not something you dabble in.

Dabble in business and see what happens to your business.

The mindset has to rise above the mean in order to get to where you want to be in whatever your endeavor, and fitness is no different.

Stop reading feel-good articles, and start reading ones that challenge you.

Stop accepting stereotypes.

The more you accept, the more the tired dogma burrows into your life and weakens your resolve.

Don’t be a statistic.

Get to the gym and out into life like a man who has decades ahead of him to make a stand.

Raise the bar and the world will rise with you.

As for these people who keep pandering to the averages, tell ’em to kiss your ass.

Rise of the “Kidult”

“Kidult” [Wiki]: In the early 21st century, there was reporting that for an adult to have interests traditionally expected only from children is not necessary an anomaly. The entertainment industry was quick to recognize the trend, and introduced a special category, “kidult,” of things marketable for kids and adults alike. Enormous successes of films such as Shrek and Harry Potter, of books traditionally targeted for teenagers and the fact that Disneyland is among the world’s top adult (without kids) vacation destinations seem to indicate that “kidulthood” is a rather mainstream phenomenon. And unlike puer aeternus, “rejuveniles” successfully marry adult responsibilities with non-adult interests. When Christopher Noxon appeared on The Colbert Report on June 29, 2006, he remarked that “There’s a big difference between childish and childlike”.

~~~

“Normal” people look at guys like me and wonder what happened?

“Is he ever going to grow up?”

“Why is he not out-of-shape?”

“Why doesn’t he have an age-appropriate girlfriend? Is he intimidated by women his own age?”

“Is the young woman in his home a gold-digger, or did her father not love her enough?”

“Why doesn’t he have children?”

“Is he too selfish, narcissistic and self-absorbed to share his life with others?”

“Why doesn’t he dress more conservatively like other men his age?”

“Why does he dress like that?”

“Why doesn’t he think like we do?”

“Why is he trying to be 20 all over again?”

Oh lord, I could go on…

~~~

To be perfectly honest with you, I have always been this way.

For one thing, I have always been my own man.

I worked for myself, set my own schedule, led my own life.

All I had to do was be good at what I did, treat my clients well, and pay a CPA to keep me out of jail.

After a while the freedom and independence this afforded me became part of my identity.

The lifestyle made me more resilient, self-reliant. Those acquired attributes are just part of the process of independence.

And while it hasn’t always been easy, the pay-off covered the periodic turbulence–10-fold.

To all the men my age who continue to live life as fully–and intensely–as we did back in the day, congratulations.

You’ve officially earned a legion of haters who wish they had the balls to have done exactly the same thing.

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

~ e.e. cummings

~~~

For more reading on this topic, the following article by Robert Firestone Ph.D. is illuminating.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-human-experience/201306/six-aspects-being-adult

~~~

FURTHER SUGGESTED READING

http://bigthink.com/errors-we-live-by/the-death-of-adulthood-rise-of-kidults

~~~

Typical habitat of the “Kidult.”

Mine…

The Midlife Assessment Game, Revisited

Me at 17ish…

We can’t go back.

We can’t be back where were were and describe it with any degree of accuracy.

It didn’t happen yesterday. Or last week.

The truth is, the farther away we are the more we make up…or attempt to fill in the blanks in order to render a coherent sketch.

Sometimes it’s to cover wounds.

Other times it’s to exaggerate successes.

But mostly it’s to make sense of things we are no longer in a place in time to understand.

~~~

I was a natural born athlete, but I never had a passion for any particular sport.

I liked playing football with my friends, but never wanted to suit up and practice as a member of a team.

It was too demanding, regimented.

The same was true of swimming, tennis, bike riding, skiing.

Again, in my own time, my own way.

I was one of those kids who had talent for a lot of things, none in particular.

A jack of all trades.

Whatever I did end up doing with my life I would have to work hard to master.

So what was it going to be?

I certainly didn’t want to live my life with the “coulda woulda shoulda” virus in my veins, taunting me until I died of cirrhosis.

So I tried everything I was good at to see what stuck.

As a teenager I liked playing electric guitar, but I wasn’t passionate enough about it to practice 12 hours a day, nor was I born with a natural song writing ability.

My neighbor, Harry Connick, Jr., was an entirely different story. God wrote his name on a piano and that was that.

Most of us aren’t so lucky. We have to stumble around to figure it out.

Then I tried my hand at acting, and though I managed to work, I still wasn’t passionate enough about it to stomach rejection, so I moved on.

Then one day I picked up a camera and something happened.

It felt natural, like it was supposed to be there…kind of like writing, which I have always done in an effort to make sense of things.

Combining the two led me to where I am today.

I guess I did okay.

I have always been most passionate about finding my true calling in life.

If anything, this was my salvation, my gift.

A lot of guys I know did whatever paid the bills, and now they look back and wonder what the hell happened to their lives.

But the truth is they did exactly what they were supposed to do.

Accepting this is the key to winning the midlife assessment game.

…but nobody wants to hear it because they’re still convinced they were destined to become rock stars, novelists, actors, and/or celebrity chefs before the went into the insurance business.

To Manscape or Not to Manscape?

Brian Viner for Daily Mail

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3148986/Wax-away-hairy-man-chest-Brian-Viner-gave-try.html

In my urban slice of the socioeconomic pie, manscaping is considered normal maintenance for older men.

But this does require some degree of qualification: Vain-ish older men.

Not pathologically vain, but vain within reason in large metropolitan circles.

Appearance is survival in these places – for both men and women.

When I was a young man I had chest hair.

Of course, it was also the 80’s, so there’s that.

But when you’re in your 20’s, chest hair also ends to behave.

It grows in certain areas, but not in others.

It’s not invasive.

A little brown tuft in the middle of one’s chest is fine.

But as we age it starts to spread like influenza in what I assume is a last ditch effort to remind us of our primordial genesis, which helps prepare us for death.

But vain men don’t want to die anymore than women want to ditch their plastic surgeons.

So we fight back.

Brian Viner [above] is NOT what most men in my world look like…with or without the chest hair.

Appearance is not high on his list of priorities.

Why this is I don’t know.

Some men just don’t care, which is why they find others just like themselves.

Together, they live in gated suburban communities.

This is one reason he looks ridiculous without chest hair.

If my chest looked like that I wouldn’t shave it either.

The more hair, the more coverage. Great.

But for men who take pride in their appearances, the last thing they want is an unattended lawn.

I can’t even remember the last time I saw one of these guy, to be honest with you.

It’s not that I don’t see chest hair. I do.

But it’s “good” chest hair. Clustered, trimmed and even.

The rest either shave it off, or have it lasered by one of the 20,000,000 salons on every street corner in Houston.

For the guys who opt to maintain – rather than rid – the one thing no one in their right mind does is parade around with hair on their backs.

In some zip codes it’s considered a class 3 misdemeanor.

In mine it’s a felony.

Here is Mr. Viner’s back, and why he would be doing community service around here:

I know, it’s horrific.

But this is considered normal, again, in some circles…not mine.

People just don’t walk around like this unless they have some psychiatric disability.

But allow me to point out [yet again] that Mr. Viner’s back is also soft and out of shape, which further reflects his lack of concern for appearance, and thus, the need for him to find refuge in insulated culture groups.

I always go back to this point because in America there are two distinctly different worlds:

One is Urban, the other rural and/or suburban.

Each have their own set of values.

And while some men work in big cities, they always go back to where they came from to avoid jail time.

There’s an upside to everything.

To close, the photograph below is what older men in my world consider normal:

“Dad Bod” is the Key to Invisibility [Irony, Notwithstanding]

A “normal” overweight 59 year old male. 205 lbs and 5.11″ BMI is 28.6 or just under Obese at 30.

Scott Olson, winner of the Masters 60+ division of the 2014 CrossFit Games!!!

This is me, a fit 59 year old male. 6’1″ and 230 lbs. 14% body fat – and drug free!

No Testosterone supplementation.

No HGH.

No Anabolic Steroids.

Just hard work and discipline.

I’ll explain why men in my demographic would rather put a bullet in their heads than look like the first guy.

~~~

OVERVIEW

There are certain areas of the country where looking “normal” is considered normal.

While traveling during my years as a professional photographer, I noticed fat farms mostly in small communities, where having a 400–pound wife was considered a “bigger bang for the buck,” and husbands with pregnant guts were simply men of “healthy appetites.”

Needless to say, this mindset insured that everyone stayed out of shape…and home where they belonged.

SIDE NOTE

There are smaller cities like New Orleans where a daily diet of fried foods and vodka-martini nightcaps are indicators of “healthy lifestyle choices.”

It’s among a few places in America where alcoholism and type 2 diabetes are considered a normal part of the aging process.

In places like Houston and Los Angeles [to name just a couple], being grossly overweight – or overweight at all – is unacceptable.

The only obese people I ever see are suffering a psychiatric disability or some form of head trauma.

Note: Our version of obesity is anorexia, which is considered acceptable in big cities.

Digressions aside, obese people are often heard using the “thyroid” argument to justify [or explain] their conditions, but it’s usually dismissed because everyone already knows from TV that POW’s with thyroid problems are still rail thin.

The only people who get away with obesity are billionaires who spend all their time around hookers who find them irresistible.

ANOTHER RELATED NOTE

It is common to see suburban daughters of obese men lovin’ on their dad bods.

But the innuendo is demeaning, not that anyone openly acknowledges it because the fading dad feels loved – while the daughter, worshiped.

It’s a simple equation.

Everything in its right place in time.

I’m young + you’re old = my girlfriends are off limits.

CONCLUSION

When you enter your 50’s, the first thing you start hearing about is how you need to slow down, moderate your physical activity.

After all, you don’t want to risk “injuring your back.”

Of course, it’s the other way around, as anyone who works out hard eventually learns.

Then we’re hammered with TV ads stereotyping us as feeble and resigned.

I can’t count the number of actors in pharmaceutical ads who play Pillsbury Dough Boys on golf courses in the company of matronly “wives” who look like they could play stand-in for their mothers.

This is NOT reality as I know it, and it shouldn’t be for you.

Don’t accept the defeatist mantra that sucks you into the BIG PHARMA bandwagon before your time.

Fire physicians who tell you to slow down when you have no reason to do so other than fear.

Burn your golf shirts and pleated khakis and get under some weights.

Old age is decades away. Your time isn’t up.

If anything, it’s a new beginning. A new chapter. New rules of engagement.

Your life doesn’t end just because the calendar says your time came and went.

If that’s the case, you’ve got a lot of time ahead of you to be miserable.

If that’s what you want, go for it.

Remember: It’s a choice, not a physical reality.

The sooner you wake up with this mantra in your head, the sooner you’ll be doing wall-balls and push-ups at 78.

I know quite a few men like this who could kick your sorry asses to the curb.

ACCEPT NOTHING UNTIL YOU’RE DEAD, then you can come to terms with certain limitations.

Back to the Future

Clint Eastwood, happy 85th

William Shatner, happy 84th

The man you now know as “Raymond Reddington,” happy 55th

Chevy Chase, happy 71st

Gary Oldham, happy 57th

Robert Redford, happy 78th

Martin Sheen, happy 74th

Jeff Bridges, happy 65th

Jay Rusovich [me], happy 59th

~~~

When I was growing up this is what these guys looked like, myself included.

We no longer look this way, but it’s important to note that all of us travel through life in the same progression.

We all know what youth looked and felt like, because at one time, we were also maladjusted teenagers pulling figure-8’s on someone’s golf course in the middle of the night.

I bring this up also because in spite of the fact that youth is still a middle-aged man’s most precious commodity, I never appreciated it until it was gone.

Now I pay through the teeth for it.

The Beauty-Status Exchange

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/07/the-myth-of-buying-beauty/374414/

The Beauty-Status relationship is analogous to lines and performance in sports cars.

And speaking of sports cars, there’s always a faster one.

~~~

What I’m about to illustrate will probably irritate most women who resent objectification, but it may help mitigate the anger through acceptance that men are superficial first, human second.

THE MALE DEMOGRAPHIC

1] Big cities

2] Educated

3] Worldly

4] “Rich”

5] Baby-Boomers

Three [3] female body types and how men of the above demographic respond to each:

While no one could possibly argue that this woman isn’t insanely fit, most would find her too muscular for cocktail attire.

Imagine her in Prada and the discussion is closed.

She’s out of place anywhere other than a gym, which is not where most of these men spend the majority of their lives.

She is also impossible to physically control, which challenges a CEO’s self-perception as natural born leader.

A plus-size model parades a design from the Rio label during the ‘Hot in the City’ Intimates show at the Sydney Fashion Festival on August 21, 2009. The festival aimed at the public profiles the comtemporary spring-summer collections of local and international fashion brands as these new season’s looks arrive into stores throughout the city. RESTRICTED TO EDITORIAL USE AFP PHOTO / Greg WOOD (Photo credit should read GREG WOOD/AFP/Getty Images)

Plus-sized women make such men feel inadequate and embarrassed.

What have they done – or not done – in their personal lives to enable such an abomination to evolve?

People will hurl conjecture right and left at galas and benefits from here to Monte Carlo.

She should know better, and he’s obviously a complete failure as a man, so yes, this physique is a FAIL.

SHARNI VINSON and Kellan Lutz at the Beach at Cronulla New South Wales in Australia

While there remains a small niche market for this look – particularly among men who get off on physically dominating the look and feel of 12-year-old boys – it is less common than you might imagine.

Finally, we have what most men in the above demographic consider a woman prepped to sell.

She is fit, but overly so. “Toned, but not muscular” is the way is usually described.

Her bathing suit looks the way the fashion designer envisioned it on a woman, and furthermore, she would look great in basically everything “couture” on the planet.

Perceptions of him – his status, in particular – soars.

He’s now arrived and she gets the house.

Yea, there’s a downside to everything.

~~~

HOW TO MAINTAIN “OBJECT” STATUS

Women who go down this road know what they have to sacrifice in order to get it right.

First, they have to start out with the right facial and body structure.

There is some wiggle room here, so don’t freak out just yet.

From this point forward, the hard work begins.

Tenet #1: Counting calories is as much a part of life as breathing, preferably no more than 1200 a day.

For me 1200 calories doesn’t even cover breakfast, but whatever.

Tenet #2: In order to maintain the obligatory year-round tan and flawless skin, you need the right skincare products and 100% sunblock.

Understand that women do not tan at a pool. They tan at a salon. There’s a difference.

As for exercising, there is no such thing as running a marathon or any extended outdoor running at all.

It’s fine for teenagers, but once a woman hits her mid-20’s all the sun damage creeps in like a tsunami.

Tenet #4: All exercising must be done indoors – at “pump” classes, Pilates and yoga.

Understand that the look is “toned, but not muscular,” in spite of the fact that this makes no literal sense, since tone is muscle.

But women in “the know” understand the terminology well because they have the blueprint stamped into their DNA.

SUMMARY OF THE BASICS

1] 1200 calories a day

2] Spray on tan and sunblock.

3] Indoor exercise, only.

Got it?

WANT MORE?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3122739/All-day-s-work-Erin-Holland-furiously-flaunts-fabulous-figure-numerous-bikinis-impromptu-photo-shoot-friends-Fiji.html

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