The Inter-Generational Dating Equation [and make no mistake…it is an equation of both heart and common sense]

From the movie, “Irrational Man”

I have cited an article from “Mother Jones,” but I did found something worthy of mention in the context of the older man/younger woman meme.

http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2008/01/sugardaddycom-old-dogs-new-tricks

What happens when you get older is that people expect more from you in the way of cash. It’s how most guys validate themselves after time has taken it’s pound of flesh and what’s left is an investment portfolio.

With this in mind, younger women who date older men usually do so for the lifestyle.

This is not to say that they don’t appreciate the other qualities [i.e., maturity, experience, appreciation, etc…], but without the security, we’re pretty stuck dating women who look like they walked off the set of an arthritis commercial.

There are exceptions, of course, but not many.

Just run the actuarial numbers and this will start to make sense.

Anyway, I have an acquaintance who dates a much younger woman.

He pays her a set stipend each week in exchange for a girlfriend experience.

But guys who front-load like this are on thin ice.

They guide their decisions by the old bird in the hand mantra as if the bird in question weren’t a Tyrannosaur in drag.

The only way to avoid inevitable catastrophe is to let the relationship evolve over time, to stop pretending that your “girlfriend experience” is just a transaction.

This is because, after a while, it starts to feel real – to you, not her.

That’s the rub.

It’s fine to help someone out after you’ve gotten to know them well and trust their intentions.

But NEVER, EVER use your imagination when dealing with someone of motive.

As for the dollar bills in question, it’s been my experience that such men pay anywhere from $6000-$8000/ month – up to about $300,000/year for services rendered – at which point they usually marry with a golden parachute built into the pre-nup.

Is it prostitution?

Yes, of course it is.

My friends usually pay their women in cash and receive sexual favors in return.

But it’s also what’s referred to as a functional relationship by today’s standards among the older moneyed class.

The abnormal and maladjusted ones fall in love and live happily ever after, but I digress.

Affluent Older Men Remain Targets of Scorn for Dating Beautiful Young Women […as if we give a crap]

Duncan Bannatyne, 66 & Nigora Whitehorn, 35

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/11695827/Why-does-everyone-hate-it-when-rich-old-men-date-young-attractive-women.html

The fact that Bannatyne is rich and his girlfriend a native of Uzbekistan is all people need to know before piling on.

The familiar refrain from women is laced with the same tired adjectives: ““Cringe” “puke” “vomit” “creepy” in any order.

From young men it’s the all-too-familiar realization that “rich guys still get the girls.”

And feminists consider it a complete betrayal: “Women prostitute themselves and somehow betray those women who, for example, choose to tough it out in the workplace.”

I understand the vitriol, the envy.

I understand that it’s life out of order, and that it is threatening to those who want a predictable, linear story.

But that world is long gone, except in smaller enclaves outside of big cities where groups like Quakers live as people did 200 years ago.

From all of these stories – and there are more than I could possibly count in a lifetime – there are a few things I’d like to share with the detractors:

To young men —

1] Rather than hurling invective at your older brethren, you should relish the fact that in exchange for a life well lived, you earn bigger dividends down the road.

To young women —

2] For those with enough youth and beauty to barter, the 60-hour work week is a thing of the past.

To feminists —

3] Life’s a food chain.

How Success Changes Middle Aged Men

Male Grooming Arnold Ferrier Photo Bill Morton

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2893083/Would-let-husband-shave-chest-growing-trend-middle-aged-men-wives-say.html

As you will note in the article [above], chest shaving has become commonplace.

It’s also one of many manifestations of what many middle-aged men do once they have achieved a considerable measure of success.

Without that one element [success], there is no rationale for self-idolatry.

~~~

I know this guy in the restaurant business.

When he started out, it was all humility; dressing down, shaking hands, strung out in the quest for relevance.

Then over time and a lot of hard work, his efforts paid off.

He became the proud co-owner of a successful string of hip urban bistro’s with lots of national notice.

Eventually, like others of new-found success, he upgraded his car, his home…his lifestyle.

But something else happened as well: He changed his appearance. All of it.

His once thin frame now boasts long, lean muscle wrapped in a bronze glaze.

His chest, arms, back and legs are completely shaven.

His clothing went from $16 Haynes 100% cotton Tees to $180 John Varvatos V-Neck Jersey Knits.

His Timex “Ironman” was replaced with an assortment of bracelets of various materials and designs; the accouterments of celebrities, rock stars…and wealthy older men who don’t have to care what you think of them, which is how you know they’ve “arrived.”

Gone are the days of the obligatory handshake with a smile.

That’s also been upgraded to a certain vibe of self-righteous aloofness suggestive of someone who now resents how much ass they had to kiss to get to where they are, and now its payback time.

~~~

Without success, older men fade.

They don’t have the fuel to propel change.

In this sense, success is like a transfusion.

While average people adapt to circumstances and resign themselves to an average existence, successful tend to men stand out in crowds.

Even those who practice humility cannot hide the lining of confidence that follows them wherever they go.

In a way, they’re like beacons of hope in an otherwise paralyzing existential nightmare.

And people wonder why The Kardashians are America’s first family.

Megyn Kelly Needs a “Wife”

I don’t want to make this personal as I don’t know Megyn Kelly outside of her nightly broadcasts.

But something has changed in her over the past 6 months.

Maybe it’s that she’s harder than usual.

It reminds me of the psychological shifts in older men after starting a regimen of weekly testosterone injections.

They’re overall demeanor becomes more aggressive, engaging and intense.

With this as a backdrop, I wasn’t entirely shocked when Kelly blitz-attacked Donald Trump in the first of the Republican presidential debates.

Her approach was not that of an honest journalist seeking answers to complex questions, as much as it was blatant grand-standing on behalf of Megyn Kelly.

I don’t care what her political views happen to be.

What I do care about is having to deal with another out-of-control narcissist commanding the airwaves when we already have Donald Trump.

Pathological narcissists on the level of Ms. Kelly view people like Trump as “competitors” who steal focus from them.

So she acted out in order to seal a position of equal footing.

That’s the pathology at work, and it’s gender-neutral if it makes you feel any better.

It’s also how she got to where she is in life [think Wolf of Wall Street] and why she needs a house-husband, not another Type-A personality like her 1st husband.

“I wanted a wife and she wanted a wife — we both needed someone to cook and clean and support us. She has very much a Type A personality. I couldn’t imagine her staying at home. She needed more of a Type B husband.” Dr. Dan Kendall, her 1st husband.

~~~

Most affluent older men I know tend to date and marry beautiful young women who are nurturers, not Alphas climbing corporate ladders.

The last thing they want is more competition.

After all, there’s only so much room on stage for a star, and the most successful couples I know keep the spotlight focused.

If you have any problem with this particular arrangement, the door’s over there.

Spouses must understand and accept the fact that narcissists are always and forever number one – no matter how much they love you.

Most women I know get used to this in a hurry, particularly if they want to keep the Range Rovers.

The same with men who marry women like Megyn Kelly.

They are either okay with their role as house-husband to a super-achiever, or they’re wanna-be famous writers looking for an opportunity to exploit their wives’ celebrity so they can become superstars themselves and then marry yoga instructors half their age.

~~~

I’m sorry to say that after her on-air antics the other night, my respect for Megyn Kelly is greatly diminished.

I know that anyone interested in journalistic stardom has to have a shit ton of self-confidence.

But when self-confidence is not the first thing that comes to mind…well, only Donald Trump can pull that off.

Here’s a great article on the subject by Robert Ringer titled “Megyn Kelly, Queen of Narcissism, Gets a Pass.”

http://robertringer.com/megyn-kelly-queen-of-narcissism-gets-a-pass/

FINAL NOTES

Alpha older women like Megyn Kelly are able to attract and marry handsome men their exact age – or younger – who play a subordinate role in their lives.

Alpha older men like Donald trump are able to attract and marry beautiful younger women who play a subordinate role in their lives.

As we age, money and power are always leveraged against youth and beauty in the struggle for balance.

SYMPTOMS OF NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER

Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:

Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., expects to be recognized as superior)
Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
Requires excessive admiration
Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Two-Marriage Rule the “Natural” Course Among a Certain Demographic

Today’s testimonial is going to infuriate a lot of people, but what I’m about to tell you is the absolute truth.

In my world, it is commonplace for young men to marry and procreate with their college sweethearts, before divorcing them once the kids are grown, money’s in the bank, and younger women are coming out of the woodwork.

This is where the Two-Marriage Rule comes into play.

~~~

When a man reaches a certain age – and level of achievement – he expects payback.

The translation of “payback” goes something like this:

Scenario One:

“I’ve done it all: Married out of college, had kids, made money…and now what? My kids are gone, I’m semi-retired and what I’m sleeping next to looks nothing like the woman I married. But I don’t want to leave my wife because I still love her, in spite of the fact that I’m not exactly thrilled about the sex. She’s also beginning to make me feel old and irrelevant. What I need is a mistress in order to keep my marriage in tact. Then I’ll have everything.”

Scenario Two:

“I’m leaving my wife for a beautiful young woman I met at an art opening, who makes me feel the way I did when I met my current wife back at Georgetown.”

~~~

In both scenarios, the theme is the same: The man wants what he once had in order to feel the way he once felt.

Neither scenario is exclusive to men, by the way.

Women often have affairs because their own physical and emotional needs are not being met, which brings me to the question of why is everyone so damn bored?

~~~

From the perspective of older men, the reasons are academic:

1] An age-appropriate wife of 50-something is not the same as an age-appropriate wife of 20-something.

In the former, the man begins to visualize tombstones.

In the former, he gets a new lease on life with 1000 times the cash.

From the perspective of older women, the reasons are more complex:

1] While age-appropriate mates in their 50’s don’t trigger existential meltdowns the way they do in men, they do trigger boredom when men begin to take their wives for granted.

SOLUTION

The Two-Marriage Rule

For men who marry and procreate out of college, there should be an agreement between the couple that after 25 or 30 years together, the marriage is null and void.

The couple can then decide to either renew it or walk away without financial consequence, enabling the man to live with a younger woman in relative comfort for the balance of his life [and vice-verse].

SUMMARY

Life kinda’ sucks where marriage is concerned.

No one can be everything to everyone all the time, particularly after enough of it has passed.

People get bored, and because most of us are entitled, we expect more.

On the other hand, there are couples who are willing to age gracefully, allowing time to exact its pound of flesh without a fight.

Their expectations are more balanced, and their lives a linear trajectory that reads like a novel – beginning, middle…end.

Of course, I don’t personally know any of these people, but I’m told they exist.

FINAL NOTE

While older men derive vitality from beautiful young women, older women experience precisely the opposite in the company of young men.

However, women are far better at acceptance, which they encourage in one another through their uncanny ability to bond with other women.

If men were better at this both genders would experience the same longevity, with a slight advantage to men who find young women who aren’t gold-diggers.

I’ll leave you with this article from the Telegraph:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/10980731/What-do-young-women-see-in-much-older-men.html

Obesity Rates Soar, But Not In My “World”

Generally speaking, this is a fat-assed nation.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2015/06/22/americas-getting-even-fatter-startling-growth-in-obesity-over-past-20-years/?postshare=3281435059917189

But it’s not the nation I spend my time around.

Most women I know are smart enough to see the correlation between good looks and nicer neighborhoods.

No wonder they all look alike.

Gold-Digger’s Guide to Building Nest Eggs

Holly Madison
Holly Madison Hand Print Ceremony at Planet Hollywood Restaurant at The Forum Shops at Caesars Palace Resort and Casino
Las Vegas, Nevada – 20.02.11
Mandatory Credit: Judy Eddy/WENN.com

Quite clearly, Holly Madison hails from generational wealth and pedigree, and therefore, has no financial motive to date Hugh Hefner.

[…excuse me, I’m choking on the previous sentence…]

Okay, I’ll restate it:

Quite clearly, not every woman wants to pull 60-hour work weeks at #Hooters and still live in a suburban apartment.

Better?

The press from hef’s perspective is below:

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2015/06/22/hugh-hefner-says-holly-madison-rewriting-history-to-stay-in-spotlight/

~~~

In my world, women like Holly Madison are everywhere.

You kinda get used to seeing them lurking on the perimeter like pilot fish; an annoyance to sharks, but in the human population, a necessary part of the cultural ecosystem.

Note: When something of value exists, there are usually takers willing to exploit opportunity [in this case] under the pretext of love or whatever.

Long story short, she became one of Hef’s girls after being noticed in one of her many “modeling” endeavors.

Then, after many visits, she became his “1 girl” and proceeded to move her things into his bedroom.

During the course of her stay she underwent rhinoplasty and breast augmentation, I assume to cement her position in the Hefner food chain.

She also had a Playboy bunny tattooed on her lower back, and insured her breasts for $1 million [backup, I assume].

In short, Ms. Madison’s lifestyle choices reveal what homicide detectives would refer to as a reliable profile.

~~~

Many older women I know have been through two or three marriages, usually to the same men everyone else marries two or three times.

They get a car [paid for], a severance [one-time payout usually tied to blackmail innuendo], and sometimes, a house [also paid for].

If the sum total of the nest egg isn’t enough to cover expenses, they get back in shape and make another run.

It’s no different than people who move to a different company for better stock options and a more comprehensive dental plan.

The next guy in line buys her a bigger diamond she can pawn down the road.

He might also buy her a more expensive car that she can sell back to a dealership for quick cash.

She can also leverage legal documents in her favor in the event of a divorce.

“In the event that you pick another girl, I get $1 million wire transferred into a blind checking account. Sign here:”

And, of course, for women who manage to nail the whale…children!

If she has children with him [a price many are willing to pay], she’s in the driver’s seat for life.

Understand this is business.

Think of these men as bad businessmen in the context of “love” if it makes you feel better.

Perhaps they should have stayed with the average suburban wife.

But they wanted more and paid the price for a game they were unprepared to win.

Fyi, blindsiding successful businessmen is child’s play in the hands of a seasoned predator.

CEO heads company with tens of thousands of employees and gets taken to the cleaners by high-school dropout with a street degree in survival.

“Part of me suspects that I’m a loser, and the other part of me thinks I’m God Almighty.”
― John Lennon

~~~

What gold-diggers bring to the table [and why affluent older men will often go to the ends of the earth to have them in their lives]:

1] Preternatural physiques.

For the typical 50-60-something man, this is not what his age appropriate wife looks like. This is what he wants his age-appropriate wife to look like. If for whatever reason [age included], she does not, he will often find himself unable to resist the intoxicating allure of his personal trainer.

2] Sexuality of the Devil’s Crossroads kind.

Again, I rarely hear about eroticism in the context of a 20-year marriage. And while I’m sure it exists to one degree or another, it doesn’t look like this. If it did, gold-diggers would be out of business.

3] Youth and Beauty.

This is what a man wants to see in the morning, not a reminder of his own mortality.

This is what staring into the abyss and having it stare right back looks like.

4] Self-Esteem.

It has been demonstrated time and time again that men who partner with beautiful young women experience a commensurate boost in self-esteem. Men who stay with their lifelong partners usually have a mistress in order to stay faithful to their marriages.

5] Relevance

Couch it any way you want, but the fact remains that an older man’s greatest fear is becoming physically irrelevant. Coupling with a younger woman is a shot of adrenalin for a man who’s used to being in the saddle.

SUMMARY

I certainly do not pretend to speak for every successful older man, but what I can tell you, unequivocally, is that nothing charges the blood more than youth and beauty…no matter what the cost.

Just ask Madonna.

Profile of an Aging Narcissist

Socialite Fraudster Edward Davenport [Google him]

When you’re young and beautiful, the world can kiss your ass.

You have nothing to prove that isn’t already obvious, which is plenty enough.

But as you get older and your sense of self-worth [as a man] is tied largely to your lifelong accomplishments [including the ones in your own head], the prospect of fading “relevance” becomes terrifying.

Now what?

This juncture marks the onset of what I refer to as the narcissists crucible, “a place of occasion or test of severe trial” where anything can, and usually will manifest in order to keep the boat from sinking like a jackhammer.

Note: The following is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event. It just seems like it does.

My name is Aristotle “Ari” Lazarov of Monaco, and I am a clinical narcissist. My 5th wife, Christina, is my enabler. Together we have 12 children.

Note: What I narcissists would admit so I wouldn’t have to run an intervention on their delusions.

I have a wonderful relationship with all my ex-wives because it behooves social climbers to keep their mouths shut.

Needless to say, they have nothing to stand on without party invitations, and therefore, everything to lose.

Note: He should know.

I am an extraordinarily good-looking man in spite of my age [which changes every 5 minutes, or just stays where it is for years at a time].

Note: Narcissists never fail to compliment themselves.

I dine at the right restaurants, drive the right cars, belong to the right clubs, know the right people, and wear acceptable designer apparel recognized by people who know and appreciate the finer things in life.

Note: He never wears anything that people who host photo-op-worthy cocktail parties and fundraisers might find distasteful, since party invitations are the lifeblood of his existence.

I stay in top physical condition through regular workouts with my personal trainer. I also maintain healthy eating habits, and take herbal testosterone that replenishes everything stolen by age, about which I remain in denial.

Note: It’s a simple equation, really.

I have a home in Houston, an apartment in NYC, and a family compound outside Paris.

Note: Doesn’t everyone?

The other specifics of my life are up to you and your imagination. If I’ve been successful, you’ll imagine big.

Note: The narcissist stays light on the details and heavy on innuendo to keep the fantasies alive long after death, which is just as important as life in most cases.

~~~

My name is Christina Lazarov, wife to my handsome and successful husband, Aristotle.

Note: I’m an enabler, remember?

Whatever my last name used to be is irrelevant because my life back then was irrelevant […not that it doesn’t haunt me in the middle of the night when I remember feeling something rather than nothing at all].

Note: This is something she should have broached in therapy, but because therapists lean in the direction of healing, she found a Pilates instructor.

Now my world is glamorous [pretentious], transcendent [privileged], and blissful [spaced-out], as everyone who’s anyone knows.

Note: Reflection [aka external affirmation] is heroin to any Stepford Wife with a working knowledge of the Devil’s Crossroads.

SUMMARY

1] Aging narcissist-socialites attend parties for the photo ops, not for the charities themselves.

In fact, many of them don’t even know the charities they’re attending, given the number of stops one must make on a particular night, particularly during cultural season.

“Oh is this the Opera gala? Of course it is!”

2] Old money doesn’t want the publicity.

New money can’t live without it.

Note the outrageously expensive and pretentious automobiles cars lined up in perfect formation in front of gold digging establishments.

Money is thrown around like party favors. Think of it as a carbon credit for people who don’t know better.

3] The aging narcissist sits on the fence between old and new, driving cars that are expensive, but not pretentious.

Wearing clothing that is stylish, but not trendy and/and garish.

And generally behaving in a manner reflective of sophistication and cultural maturity, in spits of the fact that it’s a ruse.

In this sense, they’re the lowest of the low because no one has any idea who they really are, including themselves.

I could go on.

While Men Fight Their Way Up the Corporate Ladder, Many Women in Houston Fight Their Way Up the Social Ladder [usually fist-to-cuff]

NEW YORK, NY - MAY 14: Comes With Baggage Founder Lori Levine shows off her one-of-a-kind orange HermËs Birkin at the Comes With Baggage Fashion Editor Preview on May 14, 2013 in New York City. (Photo by Cindy Ord/Getty Images for Comes With Baggage)

HermËs Birkin bag

http://nypost.com/2015/05/24/inside-the-bizarre-life-of-an-upper-east-side-housewife/

Wednesday Martin, author of Primates of Park Avenue, she found herself, she says, “going native.” She wanted to belong among the Upper East Side mommies who hired stylists and makeup artists for school drop-off and pickup, who got preventive Botox every three months, who perfected the flawless facade.

~ ~ ~

In many ways, this is the female version of my new book, Urban Dystrophy, now available on #Amazon.

Again, money is the buy-in, followed by a tightly-scripted narrative to which all aspirants must adhere – to the letter.

Think of it as high school all over again, but without the food fights.

Men know all about this.

In exchange for a residence at “900 Park Avenue,” women stand at the Devil’s Crossroads and relinquish their souls for a table at the right restaurant where people eat each other.

The ones who survive have the most checks on the list of must-haves.

Age comes to mind.

To wit, the author refuses to reveal her age.

All we know is “I’m in my 40’s.”

The reason for this is academic:

Not only are women expected to perform well under the scrutiny of white hot halogen, but because youth and beauty are expected to be indelible commodities, the farther away one drifts, the more perilous the journey.

No wonder Botox runs like rivers on the Upper East Side.

Mothers then pass these values on to their children, who attend the right schools, go on the right play dates, have the right tutors, and generally, explore all that “intensive mothering” can – and damn well better – provide.

People say celebrities are so different from everyone else, but when it gets down to it, money is what splits the herd.

The Rich Fantasy Lives of Urban Middle-Aged Men…and the Cognitive Skills to Survive Them.

Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he’s quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there’s someplace that he’d rather be
He says, “Bill, I believe this is killing me.”
As the smile ran away from his face
“Well I’m sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place…” Piano Man, Billy Joel

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

1] Why am I not a rock star?

2] Why don’t I have my own syndicated radio talk show?

3] Why am I not taking Letterman’s place?

4] Why aren’t the phones ringing off the hook with glamorous acting jobs, TV appearance bookings, 7-figure book deals?

5] Why don’t I own a Gulfstream?

6] Where is my entourage?

7]\ Where am I?

8] Who am I?

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

If any of this sounds familiar, welcome to midlife, a precarious period in a man’s life, usually between the ages of 48 and 64, when everything you did in your life is now done and everything ahead is on thin ice.

While most of these items listed are exaggerations, the psychopathology behind them is everything but.

To combat this aberration of thought [self-persecution], I’d like to start an exercise I rely on to get me through the noise when it’s so loud I want to take up cliff diving.

First, I want you to put your hands on a Magic Marker. I prefer black ink because its more direct.

Then, get a large sketch pad which you can find at any Office Max.

Now, open the marker and draw a straight line down the center of the page.

On the left, write down the question you’re pondering; the one that triggers rage, anxiety and depression.

For our purposes here, let’s start with question #1:

#1] Why am I not a rock star?

For most of us, the right side of the column will look something like this:

a] Because I’m not a professional musician.

b] Because I chose to attend Business school in Rhode Island rather than sleep on the streets in Hollywood.

c] Because I’m risk-averse, in general.

Excellent. So now you’re answering your own questions and can now go back to enjoying your lunch.

#2] Why don’t I have my own syndicated radio talk show?

a] Because I’m not in the radio business.

b] Because I have never been in the radio business.

c] Because I had no interest in the radio business until “Rush Limbaugh” made me rethink that decision.

#3] Why am I not taking Letterman’s place?

a] Because Stephen Colbert just took it.

b] Because you’re not a stand-up comedian.

c] Because you’re not, nor have you ever been, in the television business, and therefore, neither you nor Mr. Colbert are in competition.

#4] Why aren’t the phones ringing off the hook with glamorous acting jobs, TV appearance bookings, 7-figure book deals?

a] Are you currently a professional actor? If not, scratch the first one.

b] TV appearances usually involve people who either survived a jump out of a commercial airliner without a parachute, or those born into a celebrity families they can’t wait to tell the world about.

c] As for “7-figure book deals” NOT involving celebrity gossip, you might ask yourself if you’ve ever written a book, much less taken a course in high school English.

#5] Why don’t I own a Gulfstream?

a] Most celebrities cannot afford to own Gulfstream aircraft, so they buy timeshares in them.

b] The oil and gas company you’ve been working for has a fleet of 7 Gulfstreams. If you had become a Vice-President, you’d been flying on one yourself.

c] Most people who can afford to outright own their own jets were usually born into the money. The rest you can count on two hands.

#6] Where is my entourage?

a] You have a wife, three kids, two cats and a Labrador Retriever. Isn’t that enough?

b] Once you’re past a certain age the last thing you want is to be bothered by an entourage, much less anything – or anyone with their hand out.

c] Entourages are for elite professional boxers who will probably blow through everything before they hit your age. Way before. I can name names you already know.

#7] Where am I?

a] By this, most middle-aged men are referring to where they are in the context of their lives and accomplishments. So start jotting down your accomplishments – without comparing them with people you don’t know, but can’t stop hearing about.

b] If you’re still healthy, reasonably happy, and financially secure at middle age, you’re a celebrity to anyone who is not.

c] If you have a swimming pool in addition to everything else, you deserve a backhand from God.

And finally…

#8] Who am I?

a] I might suggest ancestry.com.

If this isn’t what you’re referring to, dial 911.

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