Obviously, people have nothing better to do with their time.
Obviously, people have nothing better to do with their time.
Pretty much everything.
There is a certain aesthetic to which women who date – or aspire to date – successful men adhere. It is very specific.
Adjectives used to describe the look are as follows: “Long, lean, timeless and elegant.”
In order to achieve this look you must first be structurally proportionate and blessed with high cheek bones and solid jawline.
Then you have to diet, which looks a lot like that of Jennifer Lopez when she’s touring.
So 1350 total calories per day. All organic, non-GMO, gluten-free blah blah blah, plus exercise.
So, #1 is appearance.
If you want a rich man, you have to put in the work.
Think of it as a job interview [because it is a job interview] where your new prospective employer has a list of line items you have to meet in order to get a new Mercedes.
#2 is proper grammar.
If you haven’t mastered the Queens English, you have no business at galas and cocktail functions. In bed, you can go back to the streets.
#3 is attire.
You should already know the name of every clothing designer on the planet because he’ll expect you to dress the part after you’ve burned up his credit cards.
#4 Sexual fluidity with a certain uncontrollable darkness, or dark side as it’s often referred.
What this means is that there has to be something about you that he cannot completely conquer, which keeps him off guard and curious.
#5 is interests, as in, you have to have some beyond him or he will assume you have less value than he thought you did after he checked off the last 4 items.
Successful men want reflections of themselves in the women in their lives, so imagine yourself a successful, powerful man in thigh-highs and you’re on the right track.
The hysterical woman in this video reaches far beyond its political framework.
Yes, it is a political rant, but much more importantly, it’s a statement about what it feels like to live as an obese and unattractive middle-age female in the throes of an existential meltdown over feelings of irrelevance and invisibility.
To some this is quite sad.
To people like me, it’s a chapter in my next book about the stratospheric value of youth and beauty.
As you watch, ask yourself why else anyone would ever acknowledge her?
In deference to what’s left of her sanity, one can certainly understand the motivation to assert her existence to the world, a place that otherwise sees right through her.
In this sense, her rant is an assertion of her existence.
I have to admit it’s been a while since I last witnessed such a bizarre manifestation of self-loathing.
Most of the time it’s just a bridge jump and an obscure Obituary notice someplace you can’t even Google.
Nonetheless, it was entertaining, and therefore, accomplished its end no matter how pitiful or embarrassing to her constituency.
Here in Houston, Texas, this is so commonplace it rarely makes the news.
Suffice to say, men are idiots, otherwise known as “Soft Targets” [see: Urban Dystrophy, Amazon].
Many middle age men have never dated anyone other than a college classmate with whom they went on to marry and procreate.
Family vacations, aging and existential angst caught up to them and suddenly they’re divorced – or in and out of divorce court.
The money and power and sense of entitlement catch up to them and they want out, but to get out they have to play a game they’re ill-equipped for.
The women in their sites are everything they’ve always wanted, on the surface.
These women know exactly what that is and leverage it like venom.
Now these idiots are broke, estranged and struggling to pay a therapist.
The hooker is just conducting business, for god’s sake.
I’m going to say some things here that are going to seriously piss off a lot of people.
Not that you aren’t used to it by now, but I’m really going in on this one.
Seat belts please…
The article above from www.yourtango.com appeared earlier this year, but brings up certain realities that mirror my own world.
It was penned by a matchmaker who refuses to handle female clients because, as she puts it, “successful older men prefer to date younger women is because THEY CAN.”
“In this tough singles market, if a man pays top dollar for a matchmaker, he expects nothing less than a 29-year-old model.”
And since women are attracted to confidence and power, they embrace older men who are in possession of both…in abundance.
This is not to say that some younger men aren’t filthy rich.
But if a woman is also looking for security, get in line.
Odds are young men have youth and beauty and nothing more, which is why they don’t need matchmakers. They need bodyguards.
Around Houston, it’s commonplace to see drop-dead beautiful young women in the arms of wealthy older men.
In fact, it’s kind of weird not to, unless the couple have been together a long time and she still looks great courtesy of surgeons and cash.
Is any of this fair? In a certain sense, no.
But in the context of commodities in a world of demand and supply, it’s as fair as it gets.
One guy I know has a list of attributes all women he dates must be in possession of…or the “relationship” will last about an hour.
1] Straight white teeth and healthy gums.
2] Clear complexion.
3] Height/weight proportionate [like a fitness model].
4] Fit [like a fitness model].
5] Breasts and butt perky and proportionate [like a fitness model].
Now, as everyone knows, this woman does no exist. So what many men do is divvy up the attributes to see if whatever is missing can be improved upon.
For example, if a given candidate is small chested, breast augmentation is a slam dunk.
If she needs a little toning up, a personal trainer can get right on that.
If her teeth aren’t perfectly straight – or white – there’s a cosmetic dentist on every street corner.
But not everything can be fixed, so he throws the dice and hope she changes.
But most men of true means don’t have to hope for change because they can afford to purchase love like Gucci handbags.
It’s the guys who don’t have quite enough juice to keep the dice from bouncing of the walls every which way who sleep with one eye open.
Understand that the more money and power a man has, the more line items he can check.
As for these young women, did you know that most Americans haven’t been to Rome?
I know. It’s hard to believe.
The same applies to Aspen, Monaco, Paris and the Amalfi Coast.
Did you know that most young women do not own a Hermes handbag?
So let’s say you’re a 29-year-old woman with looks to burn for the next 3 or 4 years, in a dead-end job, and dating a hot guy who’s sleeping with your best friend, but only when he’s on furlough from prison?
The guy is a derelict. He’s going nowhere but down, and you with him.
Enter a 55-year-old investment banker with class and charm and wit – and yes, money – and the derelict is a very distant memory.
These older men know their positions in the human food chain. They know what they can and cannot do, can and cannot have, and the women are no different.
In the absence of a prominent background and trust fund, the culturally average woman must leverage what she does have in order to acquire what she otherwise never will.
This does not mean that young women who choose to date older men are in it purely for the money. In fact, many fall deeply in love with their daddies.
This is the ideal scenario and it’s more common than you might imagine.
Remember the old expression: “Men fall in love with their eyes, women with their ears.”
So what happens to divorced women in their mid-40’s with kids and a heavy mortgage?
What rich, powerful, handsome 45-year old guy wants a 45-year-old woman with kids?
He wants a 25-year-old fitness model with no kids and a penchant for travel.
The matchmaker offers these three alternatives:
1] Find a matchmaker who accepts women as clients
2] Join hobby groups
3] Get out of the house
I’ll add three more:
1] Get in the best shape of your life.
2] Make damn sure your teeth are straight and white
3] Find the best plastic surgeon in town for the necessary maintenance.
As I have said a millions times before, wealthy older women can always hire houseboys.
In fact, I have noticed an extraordinary rise in older women/younger men couplings due to lackluster economic conditions over the past 8 years.
It’s always great to see my contemporaries still kicking ass and taking names.
While Mickey is often maligned for his sense of style, I still see a lot of balls in his immutable swagger.
In the end, he’s having fun, and at this point, that’s all that matters.
As every older athlete knows, non-athletes are masters of projection.
Whatever they’d like to be doing – but can’t – they pretend is some sort of psychiatric disability in others.
With this in mind, here are 10 of the most often heard comments from older, non-athletic gym members.
I will dissect each of them in turn…
#1] Don’t overdo it!
Translation: I hope you sprain your knee doing all that stuff I wish i could do – or felt inclined, inspired or otherwise not too lazy to do – so I’d fell better about not doing it.
#2] You’re going to hurt your back doing all that weight!
Translation: I hurt my back working in the garden, so I’ll be damned if you get to lift 400 pounds without at least a strained tendon.
#3] You’re not 20 anymore!
Translation: I’m not 20 anymore and man do I feel it. So hell no! You’re not going to feel one bit younger then me!
#4] Are you trying to win a bodybuilding contest?
Translation: I resemble a human leviathan, so no, you don’t get to make me look and feel irrelevant!
#5] Doesn’t all that weight bother your joints?
Translation: I can’t get out of bed without bottle of Advil, so how can you possibly lift that much weight without swallowing two?
#6] Are you taking steroids?
Translation: Because I look like crap, he should look like crap. And if he doesn’t, it’s because he’s taking steroids, which doesn’t count.
#7] You’re my hero! [Back-handed compliment].
Translation: This is back-handed compliment that is both self-deprecating and dismissive. Sure, I’d like to look like that, but what ‘lunatic’ puts in that much effort without some psychiatric disability?
#8] Where do you get the energy to workout like that?
Translation: I have no energy to speak of, so why [or how] does he? This is also a way of putting me in my place through subtle innuendo that he knows I am, in fact, no longer 20.
#9] I know a man who ended up in the morgue doing that.
Translation: I’m afraid to anything physical anymore as I fear death more than I fear doing the things that I love. So basically, I’m already dead.
#10] Are you trying to live forever?
Translation: What difference does it make whether or not I work out? We’re all going to die. Of course, living better always trumps living longer, so there’s that.
There is no question that we Baby Boomers can no longer train the way we did at 20.
But this does not mean we can’t kick the average 20-year-old to the curb in the gym.
In order to do this, we must train smart.
If you can afford it, hire a qualified personal trainer with a degree in Kinesiology.
That’s what I did and it’s why I’m where I am today.
Your trainer can also offer tips on nutrition, and help keep you motivated.
The most common reason I hear from older men as to why they don’t hire a personal trainer is that they don’t want to commit to a certain time to train everyday.
Translation: I don’t really want to put myself through all this crap. Who am I kidding?
Researchers at University College London found a direct link between major health problems like heart disease, strokes and diabetes, and the amount of exercise done.
Those who regularly undertook moderate or vigorous physical activity at least once a week were much more likely to be “healthy agers” than those who remained inactive.
People who became physically active during the eight-year monitoring period were three times more likely to be healthy agers than those who remained inactive.
And those who engaged in regular physical activity for the whole eight years were seven times more likely to be healthy than those who did no exercise.
The authors wrote: “Sustained physical activity was prospectively associated with improved healthy ageing – absence of disease, freedom from disability, high cognitive and physical functioning, good mental health.
“Significant health benefits were even seen among participants who became physically active relatively late in life.
“The results support public health initiatives designed to engage older adults in physical activity.”
This week in the gym was a tough one for me.
I officially entered my 60’s last week and I didn’t take it well.
We stayed home, cooked, huddled together with the dogs and cats and waited for the 24 hour period to pass.
This was not the me I used to know.
That person would raise a middle finger to the wind and pull a gym PR.
This time it was different.
I felt depressed, vulnerable and perilously introspective.
Some call it rumination, a synonym for clinical depression in my book.
Instead of getting over it, I tried to walk through it.
The first day in the gym I suffered a nose bleed in the middle of my dead-lifts.
That blew my day because the bleeding wouldn’t stop.
The next day in the gym I suffered a a bout of hypoglycemia, which made me nauseous, forcing me to leave the gym to eat.
Then I started feeling these out of body experiences, coupled with extreme fatigue.
Yep, I was officially old and falling apart.
Life had it talons in me and I was completely and utterly fucked.
So I called my therapist who then told me that what I was experiencing was a late stage midlife crisis.
I’m beyond midlife by 15 years.
I think of it now as a late 3rd quarter reckoning.
I needed more facts to get through this, but I needed more hardcore facts to get through this so I called my Internist.
Blood work good. Arteries clear.
So what the hell was it?
I booked a 90 minute massage, talked to my girlfriend [who assumed I was losing my mind], then finally had a heart-to-heart with myself.
My nosebleed was caused by a strong anti-inflammatory that I happened to take the morning of a tough workout. Not advisable according to my physician it thins the blood, which can lead to nosebleeds under the pressure of heavy weights.
Note to self: If you want to take this drug, do so after a workout when blood pressure isn’t through the roof [with 450 pounds or more in my hands].
Done. No more nosebleeds.
Blood glucose levels fall when people like me don’t eat enough.
Was I not eating enough?
Not even close.
Subconsciously I have been cutting calories because I prefer to be extremely lean.
But it’s impossible to achieve the look I would like without the help of anabolic steroids, which I don’t take.
So I started concentrating on eating more, eating better, fueling my body in a very conscious and proactive way.
Suddenly, no more blood sugar crashes, fatigue gone, and I felt like myself again.
Funny how that works.
I bring all this up because a lot of things happen below the surface in men like me who feel like adolescents in the bodies of older men.
We’re forced to grow up again and again.
And that’s okay because constant maturity has never been a strong-suit of mine, and reality checks are just part of what keeps me going.
As most people know at this stage of the game, denial is the mother of misery.
This is a mostly ridiculous piece of filler tripe that panders to the free love narrative.
“It’s all good as long as you come home at night…at some point.”
This is crap.
Relationships are usually tugs of wars that, in the end, are far more fulfilling than they are anything else.
This is a good thing.
People who get bored with their spouses and decide that the best remedy is an affair are digressing back to the model of eroticism being the pinnacle of sexual achievement.
It is not anymore than a bump of heroin is the pinnacle of responsible decision making while in the throes of a depressive episode.
Men who take lovers – and vice versa – are escaping the hard work of relationship building, and they do take work like anything else worthwhile in life.
Short cuts always implode no matter how good the sex happened to be.
And while that memory may awaken something in an otherwise dormant relationship, it’s just the fantasy talking.
No one is better in bed, just more enthusiastic courtesy of a fleeting encounter.
And if anyone thinks their significant other doesn’t question the sudden change in mood, they’re delusional.
In short, affairs do nothing but bleed the life out of relationships no matter what your dick has to say about it.
Anyone who’s had any exposure to people of means knows that any physical resemblance to average people is a stretch.
For example, it is not uncommon for 50-year-old women to look younger than her actual years.
No lines, exceptionally fit, tanned and polished to perfection.
This takes time, money and the right culture group to keep them motivated.
And believe me when I tell you, what they have to lose by not keeping themselves in exemplary condition far outweighs the alternative.
Having said all of this, as a veteran of these byways, I can spot a 50 or 60 year old women a mile off.
Sure, they look great for their age, and certainly better than their less well off contemporaries. But make no mistake about it: they still look 50 or 60.
So while Ms. Brinkley looks great for her age, she is still 62 no matter how great she looks for 62.
The same applies to me, by the way.
We look great by comparison to others, but we’re still where we are no matter what any plastic surgeon has to say about it.