Inter-generational dating, mating and marriage edges closer to “normal and well-adjusted.”
Soon, no one will even bother to ask.
Posts Tagged → younger women
Rich Men Prefer Skinny Women: New Research Exposé
Ss I stated many times before [on this blog], wealthy women prefer to date their financial equals and those withing a few years of their age.
Men? Not so much [on either count].
According to researchers at Chapman University in Orange, Calif., a new study to be published in the January 2016 edition of the peer-reviewed academic journal “Personality and Individual Differences,” validates what I have always believed, that men with more education had strong preferences for female partners who were “good looking,” “slender,” and “younger.” Some 95% of men with an advanced degree said it was “essential” that their partner was “good looking” versus 77% of those with a high school education or less, and 84% of those men said it was essential that their partner was slender versus just 12% of those with a high school education or less.
So what does it all mean?
A depressing confirmation of the worst gender stereotypes that suggests the dating game has not progressed much in the last 100 years? And maybe 1000 if you want to get technical about it.
Using an example from the animal kingdom, “Female bower birds select males with the nicest nest, and in many insects, the female selects a male who offers her a nice gift of prey he has captured.”
Translation: Women prefer nice neighborhoods with swimming pools, just like insects.
Furthermore men prefer slender bodies, which are associated with youth.
As the body’s metabolism slows as one grows older and, slender physiques could represent fertility for men.
I might also add that, beyond the specter of fertility, slender women look better in Chanel and are easier to physically dominate, which is a big deal for many.
The study may help people understand why the advertising industry (and society) puts so much emphasis on women being thin. And it may also throw light on why men strive so aggressively for higher income and assertively negotiate for raises.
Their income clearly affects not only their ability to pay for dates but also their likelihood of attracting a beautiful young, slender partner who looks good in Chanel.
As we all know, men are more visual than women and women have a stronger need to be taken care of both emotionally and financially.
So people with desirable traits are in a position to be more selective.
The study found that both genders reported nearly equally that being with someone physically attractive “to them” is important, which is at least hopeful because it allows for physical imperfections — not the unattainable physical flawlessness we’re bombarded with every day in the media.
Nonetheless, I have seen men with more money than God check each and every line item and then choose the more perfect human female the planet has ever witnessed. Of course, what people want and what they actually get are two different things.
If, for example, a man wants a physically flawless woman with a warm heart, he usually gets only one of them. There’s only so much you can expect from a mating dynamic based on a cold-blooded exchange of commodities.
REAL WORLD PREFERENCES OF AFFLUENT OLDER MEN AND THE WOMEN IN THEIR LIVES:
1] Slender women are preferred because they look best in designer apparel.
2] Slender women are preferred because they look better educated, and thus, more sophisticated.
3] Slender women are preferred because they are easy to physically dominate.
4] Slender women are preferred because in more sophisticated circles, image is everything.
5] Slender women are preferred because the chances of them becoming obese down the road are far less probable.
Notice I didn’t mention anything whatsoever about character.
This is because men with money assume that women who crave it will just fall in line.
And while they appear to do just that, their reasons for doing have more to do with attracting even wealthier men who expect the same thing.
The Inter-Generational Dating Equation [and make no mistake…it is an equation of both heart and common sense]
From the movie, “Irrational Man”
I have cited an article from “Mother Jones,” but I did found something worthy of mention in the context of the older man/younger woman meme.
http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2008/01/sugardaddycom-old-dogs-new-tricks
What happens when you get older is that people expect more from you in the way of cash. It’s how most guys validate themselves after time has taken it’s pound of flesh and what’s left is an investment portfolio.
With this in mind, younger women who date older men usually do so for the lifestyle.
This is not to say that they don’t appreciate the other qualities [i.e., maturity, experience, appreciation, etc…], but without the security, we’re pretty stuck dating women who look like they walked off the set of an arthritis commercial.
There are exceptions, of course, but not many.
Just run the actuarial numbers and this will start to make sense.
Anyway, I have an acquaintance who dates a much younger woman.
He pays her a set stipend each week in exchange for a girlfriend experience.
But guys who front-load like this are on thin ice.
They guide their decisions by the old bird in the hand mantra as if the bird in question weren’t a Tyrannosaur in drag.
The only way to avoid inevitable catastrophe is to let the relationship evolve over time, to stop pretending that your “girlfriend experience” is just a transaction.
This is because, after a while, it starts to feel real – to you, not her.
That’s the rub.
It’s fine to help someone out after you’ve gotten to know them well and trust their intentions.
But NEVER, EVER use your imagination when dealing with someone of motive.
As for the dollar bills in question, it’s been my experience that such men pay anywhere from $6000-$8000/ month – up to about $300,000/year for services rendered – at which point they usually marry with a golden parachute built into the pre-nup.
Is it prostitution?
Yes, of course it is.
My friends usually pay their women in cash and receive sexual favors in return.
But it’s also what’s referred to as a functional relationship by today’s standards among the older moneyed class.
The abnormal and maladjusted ones fall in love and live happily ever after, but I digress.
Successful Older Men Don’t “Choose” Younger Women
As covered in my new release, Urban Dystrophy [@Amazon], older men don’t point a finger and “choose” who they date, unless the woman in question is a prostitute with a voracious pimp.
There are no guns to anyone’s head, no coercion, no blackmail…and more often than not, no voodoo.
There are simply two people standing in the same space with motives of their own.
But no matter what those motives happen to be, women call the shots. Period. End of discussion.
The last time I felt deceived into believing that I called the shots was back in my 20’s, fueled by piss, vinegar and testosterone in equal measure.
Since that time, things have changed…for the better, frankly.
To say the very least, I’m happy not to be a woman in her 50’s scouring the earth for Prince Charming.
With this in mind, author Renee Fisher recently penned a tongue-in-cheek article titled, “Why Older Men Should Date Younger Women.”
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/renee-fisher/why-older-men-should-date-younger-women_b_6938060.html
In it she posits 10 reasons why such paradigms “work.”
I will list them and follow with a reality-as-I-know-it discussion.
While I don’t have academic credentials working with people involved in age gap relationships, I have at least 3 doctorates in practical experience.
Before I start, allow me to offer some perspective on where Ms. Fisher is coming from…
She begins with “Women over the age of 50 have been complaining ever since their 50th birthday parties that men their age prefer younger women.”
This is what’s referred to as a set-up, as in you’re being set up to see things from a certain perspective, especially if you’re a female Baby Boomer who’s dating experiences mirror hers.
So here goes:
1. Younger women are universally hot and want sex all the time, except when they are reminding you to take your meds, cooking you great meals or sitting with you in front of the TV, watching all your favorite sports teams in action.
COMMENTS: While it is true that young women are universally hot, it has been my experience that sex happens at the same frequency it does in age-relevant relationships. I might also add that i am usually the one reminding the younger women in my life to take their meds, to learn how to cook, and to seek counseling for texting addiction. Nothing’s a panacea.
2. Younger women can explain all of the latest music, social media trends and technology to you in a way you can completely understand and appreciate.
COMMENTS: My girlfriend is a computer geek, and while I’m fluent in most geek-speak, getting her to explain something is like pulling teeth from a dragon.
3. Younger women would prefer to be in bed by 9 P.M., rather than going out to a trendy club.
COMMENTS: In spite of the obvious satire here, the younger women I’ve known are into health and fitness and enjoy evenings in front of computers, not bartenders.
4. Younger women take a sincere interest in learning everything they can about the ’50s and ’60s and ’70s.
COMMENTS: Why would I care whether or not someone took an interest in my generation’s formative years? All I have to do is keep an eye on my classic rock collection before it ends up in someone else’s classic rock collection.
5. Younger women love to give massages (while they are naked), apply medicinal salves and ointments to you (while they are naked), and are masters at cleaning your ears and cutting your hair (while they are naked)
COMMENTS: The only women of any age I know who do this are paid in cash.
6. Younger women are attracted to men who are paying alimony and/or child support.
COMMENTS: Younger women are attracted to men who can afford to pay their bills, all of them.
7. Younger women become easily aroused by nose and ear hair and reruns of “Gilligan’s Island.”
COMMENTS: Like women of all ages, grooming is something everyone expects to the same degree, and the last I checked, my girlfriend and I watch the same television shows.
8. Younger women know all the latest clothing styles, but prefer men who wear shorts, black socks and Crocs.
COMMENTS: At this writing my entire wardrobe consists of John Varvatos, Vince and Prada.
9. Younger women are universally hot and stay that way, no matter what.
COMMENTS: By the time I’m 80, my girlfriend will still be incredibly hot. So yes, she’s spot-on here.
10. The most compelling reason for the older man/younger woman scenario is the maturation rate of women vs men.
COMMENTS: The suggestion that sexual attraction to younger women somehow denotes immaturity is the same reason our planet hosts billions of human inhabitants.
In this sense, yea, we should probably all be in therapy.
~~~
“When you live as long as affluent men do, as well as they do, you can’t help but expect more out of life. A successful career is one thing, but just because you can afford beachfront property doesn’t mean you want to spend it with someone who reminds you that one day soon you’ll be buried underneath it.” Urban Dystrophy, Chapter 25, May/December.
Ronnie and Sally Wood at The Races
I’ve covered this couple in another blog [search bar], but I thought it was worth further mention, given Sally Wood’s illuminating comments.
Among them:
Speaking of their age gap, Sally told the Telegraph: ‘Um, well, I know it’s there. And I wish it wasn’t, but it is. I think I had to say “I can’t do this because of the age”, or I just had to let it go and take it all on board. At no point, years ago, did I say to myself: “I think I’ll go out with someone twice my age”, but that is what has happened.’
Up Next!
Elder Statesman, Rod Stewart, Enjoying Life, Love and Relevance at 70
The most successful homegrown solo star of all time, worth upwards of £350 million, Stewart has enjoyed 31 hit singles, a dozen of which, including Maggie May, You’re In My Heart, Sailing, Da Ya Think I’m Sexy?, Baby Jane and The First Cut Is The Deepest, are incontestable classics.
Yea, he missed the Baby Boom Gen by 1 year, but most of us “youngster” Boomers still consider him a member of the club.
Rod Stewart does not require introduction. You already know who he is, what he’s done, what he thinks about beautiful women, wine and song.
He is, for all intents and purposes, the very definition of relevance for a man who just turned 70.
How does he do it, keep going the way he does, feeling so alive?
1] He is fueled by a vast array of success that has paved the way for healthy self-esteem at his stage of life.
Note: There is a direct correlation between self esteem and perceived accomplishment.
2] He is happily married to a beautiful young woman who has had his back for over 2 decades.
Note: There is a direct correlation between a happy family life and longevity.
3] He continues to work, to produce to be engaged in life from every angle imaginable: Music, family, sports, car collecting, real estate…etc…
Note: The moment a man retires, his descent escalates.
4] He stay fit and healthy with help from a personal trainer, and watches his alcohol consumption, which at one time was plenty enough to sink a battleship.
Note: Maintaining physical health is one of life’s great challenges for older men, and also it’s most rewarding.
5] He appreciates where he is in life and maintains balance.
Note: Balance is key to a long, healthy life. Without it you’re just a rat on a wheel.
~~~
I know that many of you will say “Yea, I’m sure it is nice being a rich rock star with homes on several continents. No surprise he’s doing well!”
Points taken.
But many extraordinarily successful rock stars overdosed before their 30th birthdays.
What a Age-Appropriate Couple Looks Like These Days
Personalities notwithstanding, Alec Baldwin, 57 and Hilaria Baldwin, 31 make a handsome couple.
Get used to the fact that a 20-year age gap is no longer a news item.
Soon it’ll be 30.
And eventually, even mine will be considered normal 😉
The Case for Dating Men in Their “60’s”
It’s not uncommon to see successful 58-62-year-old urban men dating and/or marrying women in their mid to late 30’s.
By standards that have evolved over the past decade, 37 and 60 are considered age-appropriate.
It’s a simple formula: 1/2 one’s age plus 7.
Of course, it could also be 1/2 one’s age minus 7, and still meet normal parameters.
In either case, the women are hardly 17 for God’s sake.
With this as a backdrop, I have posted a link to an Elle Magazine article I think you’ll find interesting.
I’ll follow it’s bullet points with comments of my own based upon real life urban experience.
http://www.elle.com/life-love/sex-relationships/advice/a9/dating-men-in-their-sixties/
“Old men are polite and thoughtful and young guys are generally self-centered.” Megan Megan O’Brien, founder of the marketing agency Beauty Brander, almost exclusively dates men in their sixties and older.
Her reasons?
1] I like a man’s man.
The synopsis: “To a man in his 60’s it’s the norm to treat a woman like a LADY.”
COMMENTS
Older men I know are far more appreciative of the young women in their lives because they know that authentic love is no longer a disposable asset.
2] They don’t play games.
The synopsis: “The bullshit factor dramatically declines as the years of their age rise.”
COMMENTS
Time becomes a far more valuable commodity when it becomes more scarce, forcing demand through the roof. Therefore, “sealing the deal” with a younger woman becomes a far more likely outcome.
3] They are more thoughtful.
The synopsis: “Leaving love notes in your purse for you to find later is another common trait of a more mature man…..just because.”
COMMENTS
To older men, younger women are kind of like time capsules that transport us back to a time when life was more spontaneous and carefree. Younger men have precisely the opposite effect on older women for obvious reasons.
4] They have their shit together.
COMMENTS
The synopsis: “He’s spending more time and attention on your relationship [than at the office].”
COMMENTS
He doesn’t have to spend as much time at the office [see#4]. Most men in this situation work from a laptop and a cellphone for a few hours and call it a day.
5] He will be proud to be with you.
The synopsis: “Most guys in their thirties think they’re doing YOU a favor by holding your hand and saying that you look beautiful.”
COMMENTS
When you’re young, youth and beauty are boundless resources, so you take them for granted.
But older men have already been laid more times than they can possibly count, so they focus on other aspects of the relationship.
This, of course, will then lead to even more sex – only this time with someone who’s name they remember.
~~~
Two-Marriage Rule the “Natural” Course Among a Certain Demographic
Today’s testimonial is going to infuriate a lot of people, but what I’m about to tell you is the absolute truth.
In my world, it is commonplace for young men to marry and procreate with their college sweethearts, before divorcing them once the kids are grown, money’s in the bank, and younger women are coming out of the woodwork.
This is where the Two-Marriage Rule comes into play.
~~~
When a man reaches a certain age – and level of achievement – he expects payback.
The translation of “payback” goes something like this:
Scenario One:
“I’ve done it all: Married out of college, had kids, made money…and now what? My kids are gone, I’m semi-retired and what I’m sleeping next to looks nothing like the woman I married. But I don’t want to leave my wife because I still love her, in spite of the fact that I’m not exactly thrilled about the sex. She’s also beginning to make me feel old and irrelevant. What I need is a mistress in order to keep my marriage in tact. Then I’ll have everything.”
Scenario Two:
“I’m leaving my wife for a beautiful young woman I met at an art opening, who makes me feel the way I did when I met my current wife back at Georgetown.”
~~~
In both scenarios, the theme is the same: The man wants what he once had in order to feel the way he once felt.
Neither scenario is exclusive to men, by the way.
Women often have affairs because their own physical and emotional needs are not being met, which brings me to the question of why is everyone so damn bored?
~~~
From the perspective of older men, the reasons are academic:
1] An age-appropriate wife of 50-something is not the same as an age-appropriate wife of 20-something.
In the former, the man begins to visualize tombstones.
In the former, he gets a new lease on life with 1000 times the cash.
From the perspective of older women, the reasons are more complex:
1] While age-appropriate mates in their 50’s don’t trigger existential meltdowns the way they do in men, they do trigger boredom when men begin to take their wives for granted.
SOLUTION
The Two-Marriage Rule
For men who marry and procreate out of college, there should be an agreement between the couple that after 25 or 30 years together, the marriage is null and void.
The couple can then decide to either renew it or walk away without financial consequence, enabling the man to live with a younger woman in relative comfort for the balance of his life [and vice-verse].
SUMMARY
Life kinda’ sucks where marriage is concerned.
No one can be everything to everyone all the time, particularly after enough of it has passed.
People get bored, and because most of us are entitled, we expect more.
On the other hand, there are couples who are willing to age gracefully, allowing time to exact its pound of flesh without a fight.
Their expectations are more balanced, and their lives a linear trajectory that reads like a novel – beginning, middle…end.
Of course, I don’t personally know any of these people, but I’m told they exist.
FINAL NOTE
While older men derive vitality from beautiful young women, older women experience precisely the opposite in the company of young men.
However, women are far better at acceptance, which they encourage in one another through their uncanny ability to bond with other women.
If men were better at this both genders would experience the same longevity, with a slight advantage to men who find young women who aren’t gold-diggers.
I’ll leave you with this article from the Telegraph:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/10980731/What-do-young-women-see-in-much-older-men.html
Middle-Aged Married Men and the “Other” Women in Their Lives […and vice-versa]
Houston, we have a problem.
Infidelity is an enormously complicated issue – or an enormously simple one, depending on how you look at it.
Nonetheless, the “faithful” continue to surge.
“…there are almost definitely at least 187,000 faithful spouses who would still vehemently argue that Houston has about 187,000 too many adulterers.”
http://www.houstonpress.com/news/should-the-ashley-madison-hack-have-houstonians-worried-7608927
Want the actual membership numbers across the fruited plain?
Check them out here:
http://247wallst.com/special-report/2015/07/02/10-cities-with-the-most-adultery/2/
If you’re interested in knowing where The Impact Team plans to dump the exposed member names, IP addresses, home addresses, and sexual predilections, check here:
~~~
So why did all this happen in the first place?
There’s always been infidelity. It’s not like it suddenly surfaced in the 21st century.
But why has it reached such epidemic proportions?
1] Is marriage, as an institution, dying?
2] Is feminism to blame?
3] Has sexual morality finally reached a point where its considered relative?
4] Have couples who married in their 20’s finally outgrown one another?
5] Has the Internet contributed to cultural addiction to higher highs?
In my view, it’s all of the above.
~~~
If you ask older men why they stray, their responses are usually the same: “I’m no longer attracted to my aging and obese spouse [in so many words].”
If men are programmed to perpetuate and spread their genes, then the go-to female is going to be young, and probably, beautiful.
It kinda sells itself.
But this is also the most infuriating to women as both genders grow old at the same rates, yet women still prefer men within 5 years of their age.
Needless to say, this places them at a distinct disadvantage, as they often find it almost impossible to find suitable mates.
They either choose much younger partners [who usually play the role of gold-digger], or spend the rest of their lives in the company of female friends, traveling the world and finding new avenues of interest.
There are exceptions, but once women pass a certain chronological point, it’s over.
So how exactly do couples prevent this from happening?
They have to keep pace with one another.
When middle-aged men become bored with their middle-aged wives, it’s most often because they have fallen out of shape, and with it, the youthful vitality that attracted the men to them in the first place.
Most men understand – and accept the fact – that both genders age, but in cases I’m most familiar with, the man cannot accept the fact that while he is in the gym every day, she’s on the couch.
The once collegiate volleyball player is now a frumpy matron, which breeds resentment.
“I’ve accomplished so many things in my life and this is what I’m left with???”
He wants the woman he married, albeit a more mature version, while she just wants a place to rest her head.
Clearly, one of them has given up.
Even in cases where neither party was particularly athletic, but one decides at middle age to get in the best shape of his or her life, the expectation is that the other will do the same, rather than wallow in self-pity and divorce papers.
In the end, couples have to grow together…and in the same general direction.
They owe it to one another if the perpetuity of their marriages means anything to them.
But people do change, and sometimes, you just have to accept the fact that the woman you married back at Georgetown is not the same woman today.
This is where couples either sit down and renegotiate the terms of their marriage, or move on.
The rest split apart while staying married for the sake of children, finances, and the passive love one acquires after so many years with the same person.
Marriage, like aging, is not for the faint of heart.
It’s a battle to the finish line both literally and figuratively.
The question you have to ask yourself is…Is it one worth fighting?
Note: “Fighting” does not denote misery.
We do battle every day of our lives, and the suicide rate is still lower than than the murder rate by a wide margin.
~~~