Is Madonna Really Wearing a Mouthful of Grills?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3336303/Madonna-sports-chic-fedora-bizarre-teeth-grills-enjoying-Spanish-Thanksgiving-lookalike-son-Rocco-duo-sport-hair-style.html

No one would accuse Madonna of being a slouch, resting on her laurels and so on…

She works incessantly, travels the world tour after tour after grueling tour.

But no matter how much Madonna tours, she is still 57, not 25.

Hello memo.

The harder she tries to be chronologically seamless, the farther away she lands.

Racing with the devil is a fool’s errand someone who loves her obviously neglected to mention.

Grills? Seriously?

If my 83-year-old mother wore grills, I’d have her committed.

But for Madonna, it’s an unintended tragic pantomime she can afford to ignore.

Delusion, after all, isn’t against the law.

But even Madonna can’t buy back the bad press.

Sadly, she’s become an embarrassment to the Baby Boom.

Not her accomplishments, not her work ethic, not her contribution to the world of Pop.

But everything else.

If my generation’s greatest fear is maintenance of personal dignity, Madonna is our crucible.

So again, it’s all about money, honey, delusion notwithstanding.

Cantankerous Senior Syndrome [CSS]: Tough Talk to the Undead

If you’re a cantankerous old coot, stoop-shouldered, brittle and in competition with cyanide gas for personality of the year, I’m not surprised.

Chances are your career is in the rear-view mirror; your wife of 50 years no longer recognizes the fearless and inspired man she once married; and the creeping specter of invisibility and irrelevance shadow you like ghoul with a scythe.

I bring this up in response to a recent encounter at my health club with a member of the undead.

Note: The following is a true story and one well worth broaching with a psychiatrist should you happen to find allusions to your own psychopathology in any of it.

~~~

“Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman, before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into air.” John Quincy Adams

~~~

“Once upon a time …” Jacob Grimm

~~~

Subtlety is not one of my virtues.

But I am also not without compassion, empathy or remorse.

So while I’m not a particularly soft touch, I’m no sociopath.

To wit, the other day I found myself at the gym doing some lower back exercises when I noticed to my immediate left an older gentleman performing an exercise that, to be perfectly honest, defied explanation.

He was bent over at the waist holding two rubber grips, attempting to perform what I assumed to be bicep curls.

Mindful of the crusty and often paranoid nature of many such men, I made friendly inquiry into exactly what it was that he was trying to accomplish.

“Are you working your back?”

“No! I’m working my biceps as you can see!” he said with a huff.

I have to admit that I don’t do well in situations like these.

I was trying to be helpful and his response to me didn’t sit well.

Most people would take the hint and drop it, but I’m not most people.

I went in.

“You realize you’re working your back with those limited motion pulls, right? Your biceps aren’t even engaged.”

With that, I thought the man was on the precipice of a seizure as his face turned a dark shade of scarlet.

“I teach physical therapy! I know exactly what I’m doing!!!” he yelled like a man at a Devil’s Crossroads.

“Really?” I went on.

“Then don’t you have the vaguest idea what you’re doing?”

He threw down the grips and stormed off back into his own Private Idaho, I assume.

What he failed to appreciate was the fact that I acknowledged him at all.

~~~

I bring this up because many older men die long before they’re technically declared dead by a coroner.

You can hear it in their voices, see it in their fading stature and presence, feel in the acerbic tone of their discourse.

Whatever once stood firm is not translucent, vaporous almost.

This man was no more than his late 60’s, and yet came across as a man dragged by his ears straight from Purgatory to endure another day of irrelevance in broad daylight.

Life does not have to be this way.

I know men 10 years his senior who stand tall, push hard, maintain relevance in every way.

They do not crumble under the pressure of years, but rather, they take stock of their blessings and carve them into lasting monuments that light the way for succeeding generations.

I have never heard a single criticism or missive from a young man or woman about any older person who maintains dignity and strength in the face of time. Never. Not once.

They are the way forward for all of us, to follow as beacons of hope while navigating the passage of years.

I honor all of them. Hats off.

This is what aging is supposed to look like, to be.

This is its gift to us all.

On a related note, there is a 78-year-old man [guy] at my gym who hangs out with the rest of us in a way that feels almost timeless.

Has he had his share of ailments over the decades? Yes.

As he said to me, “I may have been through hell and back in this lifetime, but what I learned from all of it is that none of us are perfect, but almost as few have the courage to persevere.”

Amen to that.

POSTSCRIPT

Aging is a bitch.

Nothing works the way it once did.

Joints ache, muscles take longer to heal.

You look in the mirror and see the lines, the changing face of time.

These are things that none of us can escape.

What we can escape is how we approach the war, and yes, a war it is.

life is not for the faint-hearted.

And while youth and beauty have their own unique merits, no one ever appreciates it until it’s gone.

And by then, pray you have a mentor who can help you get through it one piece.

In the end, I guess you could say that my attempt to contribute something to the aforementioned man’s life on that gym floor is the same contribution I attempt to make on the lives of men half my age.

Getting older is a time in life for sharing, for giving back, for making the world a better, more inspired place for everyone.

Irrelevance, like I said, should not be the job of the coroner.

Why [some] Middle-Aged White Americans Are Dying Before Their Time

© Credit: Peter Hince/Getty Images Man at Sea Side Holding Bottle of Beer, Mid Section Credit: Peter Hince/Getty Images

What you’re looking at is a cliche that massacres every tenet of urban survival.

You know what I’m talking about.

This notwithstanding, I know very few middle-aged men who look like this guy.

Most of us have too much self-respect to allow ourselves to fall into complete ruin.

I might also add that I live in a very small world, given the the preponderance of obesity in America.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/health/medical/middle-aged-white-americans-are-dying-more-than-they-should-be/ar-BBmLBvP?li=BBgzzfc

In a nutshell, this study [see article] concludes that middle-aged Americans, classified as those between the ages of 45 and 54 – emphasis on those with less education – were more likely to die in middle age due to suicide or alcohol and drug poisoning.

The culprit, according to the study, is the 2008 financial collapse.

But the study also found that black, Hispanic and all other older Americans (65 and up) have continued to see longer lives.

Why is this?

The article doesn’t address it, but I can: Money.

In other words, if you weren’t screwed completely in 2008, you’re probably going to live a long healthy life.

6 KEY ELEMENTS

It’s been my experience that 6 key elements must be in place in order for an older man to stay at the top of his game.

…and all of them are tangentially related to money.

So here goes [surprise surprise]:

1] Financial security

Notes: Money is always thicker than blood. It’s first in line followed closely by everything else.

You’ll need enough to cover the cost of a nice place to live, a reliable car, a health club membership…and, of course, Whole Foods.

The rest of your life can take care of itself if Whole Foods doesn’t break you first.

2] Supportive wife or partner

Notes: If you’ve been married a long time and your wife is out of shape, she will probably want you to be out of shape so she doesn’t have to worry about being dumped.

This is a bigger problem than you might imagine and a bigger hurdle than many of you will even want to consider after seeing #1.

3] Healthy lifestyle

Notes: Wife/partner or not, a healthy lifestyle is the only way to age well. Not aging well is not worth the ride. It’s also 10 times the cost.

4] Culture group that supports and encourages your objectives

Notes: People who live healthy lifestyles tend to hang around others who share their values.

If the group you’re in begins to remind you of your own demise, find another group.

Remember, life doesn’t give a crap what you do. It only sees the bottom line.

Any psychiatrist will tell you this for $200.00, but you’ll have to be able to fork over $200.00, plus additional therapy if coping with not having enough becomes a problem.

5] Comfort with technology

Notes: Generally speaking, the older men I know are very comfortable with technology.

While this may stand out as incongruous with the previous 4 bullet points, it’s everything but.

While technology helps keep us relevant, being on a first name basis with the people at the Apple store can be as expensive as gambling addiction.

6] Don’t isolate

Interacting with others is crucial to one’s mental health.

Some guys talk about leaving everything behind and heading off into the sunset on a wing and a prayer.

Of course, Icarus tried the same thing and it didn’t end well.

I guess he couldn’t afford therapy.

Affluent Older Men Remain Targets of Scorn for Dating Beautiful Young Women […as if we give a crap]

Duncan Bannatyne, 66 & Nigora Whitehorn, 35

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/11695827/Why-does-everyone-hate-it-when-rich-old-men-date-young-attractive-women.html

The fact that Bannatyne is rich and his girlfriend a native of Uzbekistan is all people need to know before piling on.

The familiar refrain from women is laced with the same tired adjectives: ““Cringe” “puke” “vomit” “creepy” in any order.

From young men it’s the all-too-familiar realization that “rich guys still get the girls.”

And feminists consider it a complete betrayal: “Women prostitute themselves and somehow betray those women who, for example, choose to tough it out in the workplace.”

I understand the vitriol, the envy.

I understand that it’s life out of order, and that it is threatening to those who want a predictable, linear story.

But that world is long gone, except in smaller enclaves outside of big cities where groups like Quakers live as people did 200 years ago.

From all of these stories – and there are more than I could possibly count in a lifetime – there are a few things I’d like to share with the detractors:

To young men —

1] Rather than hurling invective at your older brethren, you should relish the fact that in exchange for a life well lived, you earn bigger dividends down the road.

To young women —

2] For those with enough youth and beauty to barter, the 60-hour work week is a thing of the past.

To feminists —

3] Life’s a food chain.

The “Plankton” Generation – Revisited

As most people know by now, there’s a phrase coined for 45-plus women on the dating scene – the Plankton Generation.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2022102/Why-struggle-single-women-45-meet-soulmate.html

It refers to women who are barely visible, and are “hanging at the bottom of the food chain” when it comes to attracting a mate.

It’s a derisive term, frankly, and one I’m not crazy about using.

But like most things in life aging-related, there’s no nice way of putting it.

Having said this, there are upsides depending on how you define “attracting a mate.”

I’ll explore those here…

~~~

It has been my experience that while older women find it difficult to find mates who fit their preferred profiles, they are better adapted to accepting – and making the very best of – the realities of aging.

According to Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, a noted Yale professor of psychology women’s lives get better with age, not worse. Rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide in women go down, not up, as women grow older, and she contributes that to the natural strengths women possess — coping skills, empathy, ability to listen, patience — which help them to tackle new problems and situations that arise as they age. It also gives them the courage to pursue new paths.

Men, on the other hand, have tremendous difficulty accepting aging.

First, they have a tendency not to maintain close friendships with other men, nor do the friendships they do have involve any meaningful degree of emotional intimacy and support.

Women, on the other hand, cherish and nurture their friendships with other women which helps them navigate life’s many stages.

“Contrary to women, men do not celebrate older age as a time of joy, love, and fulfillment for all they have worked for and grown to be over their lifetimes,” as Dr. Nolen-Hoeksema states.

Note: Among the older adults, who were facing the adversities that come with aging, the men showed less inclination to use these important coping skills compared to the women. In other words, older women were more likely than older men to tap their mental, emotional, and relational strengths to deal with adversity, which in turn left them less vulnerable to depression and anxiety in the face of difficulty.

Contrary to popular opinion, women over 50 tend to find their confidence and increased levels of satisfaction from within… not from without.

Even in the face of our cultural obsession with youth and beauty, older women place a greater emphasis and pride on their own maturity, experience and wisdom.

But, make no mistake: “women over 50 think they’re looking pretty good, too:” according to Dr. Nolen-Hoeksema’s study, women’s body images actually become more positive as they move from their 20s, 30s and 40s, into midlife.

While many men consider this deluded thinking, it works in women’s favor given their level of self-acceptance.

Put another way, while women may not get their immediate needs met, they more than make up for it through friendships and outside interests.

A few of the websites and blogs that are especially effective at reflecting the interests and concerns of women over 50 include:

 The Art of Aging

 Aging Abundantly

 Fab After 50

 The National Association of Baby Boomer Women (NABBW)

 The Huffington Post/Aging

 Fab Over Fifty

 ThirdAge

 wowOwow (Women on the Web)

 StyleSubstanceSoul

 MarryingGeorgeClooney

 DailyPlateofCrazy

Good luck finding this many for men.

Writer Barbara Hannah Grufferman asked her friends on Facebook, Are women better at aging than men? and here’s what a few of them had to say (reprinted with their permission):

Barbara Briggs Ward: I think the tide has turned. Women are more in charge of their aging. They are no longer giving in to it. They run; walk; try new careers; eat well; find new loves. Age no longer means slowing down and retreating. Age does not define a woman-for better or worse. It only opens new doors for them. And I think all of this has given women an edge over the men who are used to doors always being open.

Denise Taylor Tremaine: You don’t ever hear, or rarely, of women going through a mid-life crisis… we handle everything with grace.

Kim Okerson: I agree that the social pressure on women is far greater, but it is up to each of us to have the grace and dignity to accept that our age is state of mind.

Connie Katon Wingo: The emotional impact of aging is difficult for men, I’d say. In their youth, they were able to have the perception of controlling their environment. Their identities as men were so often tied to their sexual perception and themselves. Their sex drive slows down, and for a great deal of men their “manhood,” is tied into their perception of their sexuality. Also, as men begin to age in the workforce, their roles begin to change and coping with the feeling of obsoleteness is frightening, possibly causing men to feel more insecure about aging.

Melody George: I dont think one gender has it over another on aging. I think with men and women it is equally daunting or exciting depending on the person.

Whatever your thoughts are on this… here’s the fundamental truth: the more we stick together, the happier we will be.

The unfortunate fact is that sticking together is something men simply don’t do well.

FINAL COMMENTS

As for the coping skills that older men do happen to have at their disposal, please note the following:

1] The ability to purchase and/or attract youth and beauty with money and power.

2] The distraction from existential pain using bigger homes, Aspen vacations and sports cars as leverage.

3] Hunting and fishing trips that get them out of the house and into the arms of escorts.

4] Online porn.

5] Routine testosterone therapy and plastic surgery.

Normal, well-adjusted older men have age-appropriate wives, children and grandchildren, for God’s sake.

They have vacation homes where everyone comes together at holidays and embraces all that life has given them.

They aren’t consumed with death and irrelevance – or both.

Their families are their relevance.

I know this is lost on most of you who read this blog, but these people do exist.

Of course, they’d bore you to death long before loneliness or depression took you down.

What “Normal” Looks Like for Rich, Big City Boomers

Buzz Bissinger, 60 with Caitlyn Jenner, 65

I thought this picture was interesting, so I decided to share it with you.

I have nothing more to say…other than the fact that enough money and success have a way of opening doors to behavior that might otherwise remain hidden behind pleated khakis and anonymous Internet hook-ups.

~~~

Why are Middle-Aged Men Committing Suicide in Record Numbers?

In 2013, 78 per cent of the 6,233 suicides registered in the UK were men. That’s a rate of 19 deaths per 100,000 population.

That more men take their own lives than women is not new. But in 1981 the men’s total was only about double, or just under, the women’s.

Now it’s nearly four times as many.

Since 2007, in fact, baby boomers have had the highest rate of suicide of any age group in the United States.

Historically, people between the ages of 40 and 64 have had one of the lowest rates.

To complicate matters, baby boomers are now sliding into the over-65 demographic, an age group that historically has had one of the highest suicide rates.

Making matters worse, suicides among middle-aged men with mental health issues have soared by 73% since 2006, which may be attributed to a combination of alcohol, job loss and debt, as compiled by the University of Manchester’s National Confidential Inquiry into Suicide and Homicide by People with Mental Illness.

Oh boy. Want more?

“Our findings show that within mental health care, middle-aged men are particularly at risk,” said Prof Louis Appleby, the director of NCISH who was formerly the government’s mental health tsar and leads the national suicide prevention strategy. “The problem is not simply that they don’t seek help – they are already under mental health care – so we have to understand better the stresses men in this age group face.”

How about this?

More men in the UK have died by suicide in the past year than all British soldiers fighting in all wars since 1945.

I’m neither a Sociologist or Psychiatrist. In fact, my only authority in this area is interpersonal exchange and an open heart, for which I have earned several Doctoral Degrees.

Men my age and socioeconomic niche are, generally speaking, over-achievers. They made their “piles” working hard, passionately over many years.

Many have been married and divorced a few times over.

The majority have children somewhere.

Now they’re smack in the middle of the Baby Boom generation, with nowhere to go and nothing to do that they haven’t already been done a thousand times before.

Only this time around, they’re older – a lot older – with far less time to enjoy life the way they did when the journey started.

It’s a small window of opportunity in which to reinvent oneself before everything becomes a hobble along a windswept beach on the edge of oblivion.

With this as a backdrop, here are my 5 top reasons middle-aged men off themselves:

1] Loneliness

Heterosexual men in mid-life are dependent primarily on female partners for emotional support.

One reason for this is that they’ve never explored anything beyond sports stats with their “friends.”

Women, on the other hand, maintain their independent relationships throughout life – divorce notwithstanding – which is one reason they outlive us.

To wit, suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts were three times higher among divorced men, and two times higher among separated men compared to married.

This is the quintessential dichotomy about men: While we love sex, we love relationships more.

2]Reluctance to seek help

Professor Shirley Reynolds, from Reading University, said one of the reasons for the rise in suicides is the fact only around ’15 per cent of men with depression and anxiety seek help’.

Most men my age practice intimacy-avoidance. They’d rather swallow a pack of Gillette straight razors than open up about clinical depression.

For one thing, depression is not manly. Men don’t suffer depression unless it’s tied to warfare, in which case it’s called PTSD, an acceptable acronym.

Anything else is an indication that you’re either gay and in denial, or didn’t get into enough fistfights when you were a kid.

In either case, you’re screwed in the eyes of middle-aged frat boys who are themselves gay, and in denial.

3] Money

Okay, I know a few people who put bullets in their heads when the market crashed in 2008.

Not having any money after have a shit-ton of it sucks more than just about anything else, excluding colon cancer, which is a close second.

You lose your house, your cars, your vacations…and usually, your wife.

So now you have nothing at age “60” and have no interest in starting over at Dairy Queen.

I get it. Use the gun. 30 years mopping floors or flipping burgers just isn’t worth it.

Plus you’ll never get laid again as long as you do happen to live.

4] Feminism

Many men bought into the notion that marrying super-achiever women – the ones who handle all of the traditionally male responsibilities – was a novel idea…until the women in question left them for real men who could buy and sell them a thousand times, which earned their respect.

It’s been my experience that women want men to be men in the traditional sense no matter what they say to the contrary. I’m not talking about some archaic master-servant relationship, but one where the man is clearly the head of the household everyone look up to.

But these days older men are caught in a cross-fire of conflicting expectations about what it means to be a man. This usually means that when things go South, they don’t have the coping skills to handle the downward spiral.

The bottom line here is that men should take care of themselves first – and everyone else – second.

5] Irrelevance

Okay, so your career is winding down, the kids are out of the house, and your ex-wife is a colossal bitch. What the hell are you going to do with yourself? You already proved to the world that you could become CEO of some star-up and make a pile of money.

Now what?

That job is done, but when people ask you what the hell you’re doing with yourself, you have nothing to say. This means you’re only as good as your last performance – which, by the way, was 10 years ago. Not good. Very bad, in fact. Particularly at society cocktail functions.

Men are inextricably tied to what they do professionally, so if you’re not doing what you were once doing, then what the hell are you doing?

Men need an answer.

If they don’t have one, they dwell on what to say to people.

This often leads to introspection, as in the meaning of life kind of crap and then hookers, drugs and a shotgun blast to silence the noise.

Believe me, older men need a good back story to survive. Otherwise, the only thing anyone will be interested in is conning them out of whatever money they happen to have left over from their glory days.

SUMMARY

Getting older sucks. The best you can hope for is money in the bank, good health, and a competent psychiatrist.

Note that money was the first on my list of must-haves because without it you’re probably better off dead.

How else are you going to afford the psychiatrist?

~~~

For more information, here’s a good article on depression in older men:

http://www.fiftyisthenewfifty.com/mid-life-crisis-depression-or-both/

Does “Low T” Cause Depression [or is aging a nightmare no matter how you look at it?]

Testosterone is the male sex hormone responsible for the development of many ‘masculine’ traits.

It encourages fat loss and muscle development, as well as sex drive, aggression, and energy levels.

In other words, the more testosterone, the more “Alpha.”

“Low T” has the opposite effect: Use your imagination. It’s bad.

Numerous health problems, including depression are heavily linked.

~~~

However, the relationship between depression and testosterone is very confusing because they are very similar.

If your “T” levels are low you’ll will suffer low energy, zero sex drive, crappy mood, endless irritability and difficulty sleeping – all of which characterize depression.

Some guys I know attack the problem with hormone replacement therapy.

In fact, most do…with varying degrees of success.

It cheaper than psychotherapy, and with faster results.

Nonetheless, “Low T” is not always the cause of depression, though it might be responsible.

For men who aren’t depressed and have lots of time and money on their hands, increasing testosterone might be an effective way to boost mood to even higher levels, improving drive, libido and motivation.

There’s always a higher high, after all.

But like other indulgences, it can become a one way street.

In other words, once you start, there’s no going back because eventually, the body stops producing it, not that you give a crap.

Most older men don’t care about anything but now, because there isn’t anything else.

Oh God, am I depressed?

~~~

CLEARING UP THE CONFUSION

If you’re depressed but don’t know why, you might start by asking yourself why someone with so much feels like he has so little?

This is a therapy question, by the way.

On the other hand, if you also have difficulty gaining muscle, losing fat, keeping your blood pressure in check, or losing your ‘morning glory,’ “Low T” may be the culprit.

Three other factors may play a role in depression:

1] Vegetarian diets low in protein.

2] Dark offices low in sunlight.

3] Physical inactivity.

~~~

Okay, so let’s say you aren’t a fan of hormone replacement therapy, and want a natural way to achieve similar results.

Exercise – Compound movements, like squats and bench press, and HIIT (high intensity interval training).

Sleep – This is where your testosterone is produced and why rest and recovery are so important. Make sleep a priority in your life. Keep your room dark and cool, and avoid caffeine before bed.

Vitamin D – Vitamin D is responsible for helping your body to regulate numerous other hormonal processes. The easiest way to get it is sunlight. If there is no sunlight where you live – or you’re stuck in an office for 12 hours a day – supplement. It’s no surprise that all those existentialists came from countries bereft of sunlight.

Magnesium and Zinc – Magnesium and zinc support healthy testosterone production and prevent testosterone from being converted into zinc. You can Google it.

Saturated Fat – As shocking as this may sound, the most important ingredient in terms of your diet is saturated fat. It’s no longer believed to cause heart problems, but it will increase your levels of good ‘HDL’ cholesterol, which also happens to be what your body uses to make testosterone and other sex hormones. Try a glass or two of full fat milk if your stomach can handle it. It might improve your mood.

Protein – Protein is the building block of muscle. Now you know why vegetarians look like crap. Protein produces anabolic hormones [like testosterone] that encourage muscle growth, among other benefits.

ONE VARIANT

Avoid Plastic – Random, perhaps, research on ‘xenoestrogens’ isn’t pretty. These are substances act like estrogen in the body and significantly lower testosterone.

Along with our more sedentary and indoor lifestyles, this is thought to be one of the big reasons that men today have lower testosterone on average.

To avoid xenoestrogens, don’t eat out of plastic containers, and definitely don’t microwave anything in plastic.

ON A FINAL NOTE

The Stones famously lamented “it’s a drag getting old,” and it’s no surprise that Baby Boomer do struggle with aging more than the generation preceding it.

Boomers — those born between 1946 and 1964 — are the generation most likely to report being in treatment for depression, at 14 percent, according to the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index. That compares to 11 percent among Generation X (born 1965-1979), “traditionalists” born before 1945, and Millennials (born 1980-1996).

This makes complete sense to me because Traditionalists lived their lives in throes of World Wars and Millennials aren’t old enough to feel their age.

Note: Baby Boomers are more likely to have been diagnosed with depression (21 percent) than any other generation (Gen X: 18 percent, Millennials: 16 percent, traditionalists: 15 percent).

This aside, Boomers are also more open to discussing their mental health issues than older Americans who refused to admit to having any psychiatric problems at all – a key reason Boomers need therapy in the first place.

Two-Marriage Rule the “Natural” Course Among a Certain Demographic

Today’s testimonial is going to infuriate a lot of people, but what I’m about to tell you is the absolute truth.

In my world, it is commonplace for young men to marry and procreate with their college sweethearts, before divorcing them once the kids are grown, money’s in the bank, and younger women are coming out of the woodwork.

This is where the Two-Marriage Rule comes into play.

~~~

When a man reaches a certain age – and level of achievement – he expects payback.

The translation of “payback” goes something like this:

Scenario One:

“I’ve done it all: Married out of college, had kids, made money…and now what? My kids are gone, I’m semi-retired and what I’m sleeping next to looks nothing like the woman I married. But I don’t want to leave my wife because I still love her, in spite of the fact that I’m not exactly thrilled about the sex. She’s also beginning to make me feel old and irrelevant. What I need is a mistress in order to keep my marriage in tact. Then I’ll have everything.”

Scenario Two:

“I’m leaving my wife for a beautiful young woman I met at an art opening, who makes me feel the way I did when I met my current wife back at Georgetown.”

~~~

In both scenarios, the theme is the same: The man wants what he once had in order to feel the way he once felt.

Neither scenario is exclusive to men, by the way.

Women often have affairs because their own physical and emotional needs are not being met, which brings me to the question of why is everyone so damn bored?

~~~

From the perspective of older men, the reasons are academic:

1] An age-appropriate wife of 50-something is not the same as an age-appropriate wife of 20-something.

In the former, the man begins to visualize tombstones.

In the former, he gets a new lease on life with 1000 times the cash.

From the perspective of older women, the reasons are more complex:

1] While age-appropriate mates in their 50’s don’t trigger existential meltdowns the way they do in men, they do trigger boredom when men begin to take their wives for granted.

SOLUTION

The Two-Marriage Rule

For men who marry and procreate out of college, there should be an agreement between the couple that after 25 or 30 years together, the marriage is null and void.

The couple can then decide to either renew it or walk away without financial consequence, enabling the man to live with a younger woman in relative comfort for the balance of his life [and vice-verse].

SUMMARY

Life kinda’ sucks where marriage is concerned.

No one can be everything to everyone all the time, particularly after enough of it has passed.

People get bored, and because most of us are entitled, we expect more.

On the other hand, there are couples who are willing to age gracefully, allowing time to exact its pound of flesh without a fight.

Their expectations are more balanced, and their lives a linear trajectory that reads like a novel – beginning, middle…end.

Of course, I don’t personally know any of these people, but I’m told they exist.

FINAL NOTE

While older men derive vitality from beautiful young women, older women experience precisely the opposite in the company of young men.

However, women are far better at acceptance, which they encourage in one another through their uncanny ability to bond with other women.

If men were better at this both genders would experience the same longevity, with a slight advantage to men who find young women who aren’t gold-diggers.

I’ll leave you with this article from the Telegraph:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/10980731/What-do-young-women-see-in-much-older-men.html

Middle-Aged Married Men and the “Other” Women in Their Lives […and vice-versa]

Houston, we have a problem.

Infidelity is an enormously complicated issue – or an enormously simple one, depending on how you look at it.

Nonetheless, the “faithful” continue to surge.

“…there are almost definitely at least 187,000 faithful spouses who would still vehemently argue that Houston has about 187,000 too many adulterers.”

http://www.houstonpress.com/news/should-the-ashley-madison-hack-have-houstonians-worried-7608927

Want the actual membership numbers across the fruited plain?

Check them out here:

http://247wallst.com/special-report/2015/07/02/10-cities-with-the-most-adultery/2/

If you’re interested in knowing where The Impact Team plans to dump the exposed member names, IP addresses, home addresses, and sexual predilections, check here:

http://pastebin.com/Kty5xBiv

~~~

So why did all this happen in the first place?

There’s always been infidelity. It’s not like it suddenly surfaced in the 21st century.

But why has it reached such epidemic proportions?

1] Is marriage, as an institution, dying?

2] Is feminism to blame?

3] Has sexual morality finally reached a point where its considered relative?

4] Have couples who married in their 20’s finally outgrown one another?

5] Has the Internet contributed to cultural addiction to higher highs?

In my view, it’s all of the above.

~~~

If you ask older men why they stray, their responses are usually the same: “I’m no longer attracted to my aging and obese spouse [in so many words].”

If men are programmed to perpetuate and spread their genes, then the go-to female is going to be young, and probably, beautiful.

It kinda sells itself.

But this is also the most infuriating to women as both genders grow old at the same rates, yet women still prefer men within 5 years of their age.

Needless to say, this places them at a distinct disadvantage, as they often find it almost impossible to find suitable mates.

They either choose much younger partners [who usually play the role of gold-digger], or spend the rest of their lives in the company of female friends, traveling the world and finding new avenues of interest.

There are exceptions, but once women pass a certain chronological point, it’s over.

So how exactly do couples prevent this from happening?

They have to keep pace with one another.

When middle-aged men become bored with their middle-aged wives, it’s most often because they have fallen out of shape, and with it, the youthful vitality that attracted the men to them in the first place.

Most men understand – and accept the fact – that both genders age, but in cases I’m most familiar with, the man cannot accept the fact that while he is in the gym every day, she’s on the couch.

The once collegiate volleyball player is now a frumpy matron, which breeds resentment.

“I’ve accomplished so many things in my life and this is what I’m left with???”

He wants the woman he married, albeit a more mature version, while she just wants a place to rest her head.

Clearly, one of them has given up.

Even in cases where neither party was particularly athletic, but one decides at middle age to get in the best shape of his or her life, the expectation is that the other will do the same, rather than wallow in self-pity and divorce papers.

In the end, couples have to grow together…and in the same general direction.

They owe it to one another if the perpetuity of their marriages means anything to them.

But people do change, and sometimes, you just have to accept the fact that the woman you married back at Georgetown is not the same woman today.

This is where couples either sit down and renegotiate the terms of their marriage, or move on.

The rest split apart while staying married for the sake of children, finances, and the passive love one acquires after so many years with the same person.

Marriage, like aging, is not for the faint of heart.

It’s a battle to the finish line both literally and figuratively.

The question you have to ask yourself is…Is it one worth fighting?

Note: “Fighting” does not denote misery.

We do battle every day of our lives, and the suicide rate is still lower than than the murder rate by a wide margin.

~~~

November 2024
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