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Post Category → feminism
The Hysteria of Irrelevance
The hysterical woman in this video reaches far beyond its political framework.
Yes, it is a political rant, but much more importantly, it’s a statement about what it feels like to live as an obese and unattractive middle-age female in the throes of an existential meltdown over feelings of irrelevance and invisibility.
To some this is quite sad.
To people like me, it’s a chapter in my next book about the stratospheric value of youth and beauty.
As you watch, ask yourself why else anyone would ever acknowledge her?
In deference to what’s left of her sanity, one can certainly understand the motivation to assert her existence to the world, a place that otherwise sees right through her.
In this sense, her rant is an assertion of her existence.
I have to admit it’s been a while since I last witnessed such a bizarre manifestation of self-loathing.
Most of the time it’s just a bridge jump and an obscure Obituary notice someplace you can’t even Google.
Nonetheless, it was entertaining, and therefore, accomplished its end no matter how pitiful or embarrassing to her constituency.
College Debt’s a Bitch. Now What?
As we all know, morality is relative.
The key to survival these days is the ability to compartmentalize.
Compartmentalization is an unconscious psychological defense mechanism used to avoid cognitive dissonance, or the mental discomfort and anxiety caused by a person’s having conflicting values, cognitions, emotions, beliefs, etc. within themselves.
It’s easier for some than others.
Psychopaths are particularly good at it.
Anyway, in my world [my socioeconomic demographic] such women abound.
The same applies to men, by the way.
Many of these women are fresh out of college with nowhere to go because their degrees were in areas so general that no one could place them on any job application I’ve ever seen.
As for interests, they like to work out, travel, and basically, live life to its fullest.
I’m not familiar with this reality outside of science fiction, but when you back out the human element, it begins to make sense.
“I’m 25, beautiful, reasonably well educated and follow the Rich Kids of Instagram. I’m not all that into getting up and going to some dead end job, and making millions is a lot easier said than done. So what do I have to sell that someone might be interested in buying?
It’s not land because I don’t own any. My car’s shot. And I have a bunch of college debt.
But I have an ass from Hell, which is worth more than some luxury yachts in the minds of many.”
This is backing out the human element looks like, and for many, feels like.
But who cares when you’re dealing in commodities?
Life is fast. Live well, no matter what that looks like is the mantra.
These are not normal, well adjusted kids from wealthy suburban enclaves with law degrees from places like Yale and job offers at a top firms in D.C.
What are you thinking?
How Does Billy Bob Thornton, 61, Do It?
Baby Boomer, Billy Bob Thornton, was born in Hot Springs, Arkansas on August 4, 1955. He is an American actor, filmmaker, singer, songwriter, and musician.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3757208/Why-beauties-fall-Hollywood-s-unlikely-lothario-Billy-Bob-Thornton-charmed-Angelina-Jolie-Amber-Heard.html
In the above article you’ll read all about how Billy Bob managed to nail so many beautiful young women.
But as I have always said, women don’t see a whole lot with their eyes unless it involves themselves or other women.
This is because women for the most part are drawn to the darker mysteries of intellect, power, success and surrender – usually in that order.
I know. Shocker.
Aniston Goes Nuclear at Middle Age
Jennifer Aniston is tired of being judged on her appearance.
I don’t blame her.
At some point we all bend over whether we like it or not.
Bottom line here is you can’t have everything, always.
We get youth and beauty, but no money or experience.
Or we get them all at the same time, and then land in jail or rehab or dead.
But the way it usually works is we acquire money and experience over time, but fall apart physically, even if it just looks that way.
For people [like Ms. Aniston] who leveraged their looks to sell a brand, it’s a battle she will lose no matter how much she bitches about being objectified.
Nobody cares what her reaction to aging happens to be.
They only care about what she looks like, as she knows, hence the attitude.
“All Middle-Aged Men Want To Be Thought Of As Cool…”
This statement is thrown around a lot these days, mostly by older women who are sick to death of older men acting like juvenile delinquents.
But I can assure you, I know just as many 40-60-something women who make them look like choir boys.
~~~
Okay, enough with the stereotyping.
It’s boring, mostly because it’s true.
Older men who can afford to “act out” [when I was a kid, they called it “acting up”], do so because they can.
And because they can, they do. Not all, but those who can afford the fallout.
This is how many gold-diggers spot their marks, by the way.
Anyone who can afford to stand out does so for reasons that have pretty much everything to do with the fact that they can do so with impunity.
The same is true of divorced older women who go on jaunts to Cancun with their single – and married – girlfriends only to come back knocked up by teenagers at beach raves.
Understand that, from an actuarial point of view, there is nothing ahead that remotely resembles “I’m getting hotter,” or “Aging is an abstraction.”
It’s in your face and it’s mouth is wide open.
What better to do than go back to a time before all the existential crap laid its wicked hands on you and stick it to time, even if you’re still sticking it to yourself.
Affluent older men [and women] do, in fact, buy sports cars and motorcycles, drug themselves silly, engage in risky sexual encounters, do stupid shit like jump out of airplanes, climb mountains and play with gold-diggers as though they were domesticated animals.
It happens to all of us at some point along the way, when time is slipping so fast you start with the opiates to slow the shit down.
Not to bury the lead here, but it’s obvious by now that both genders play the same game.
Perhaps it could be argued that for men aging is a tougher pill to swallow.
The hunter/predator/drone paradigm only works when the joints are nimble and quick to react.
But women who take on traditionally male roles suffer similar fates as time beats down the doors, wreaking havoc on once vibrant skin, teeth hair, nails and everything else for that matter.
Neither gender fares particularly well where the body is concerned.
The bottom line is this:
Older women want men – within their age demographic – to kick the older man/younger woman habit so they can have a fair shot at settling down with one of them.
And while there are ample studies that suggest older women are just fine being alone or in the company of friends, it is only so when faced with the alternative of an average older man.
This is why we see so many of them revisiting adolescence on Spring Break before finding themselves empty, depressed and alone.
See, men are superficial enough to keep this thing going until the day they die.
Women, on the other hand, can only keep it going long enough to prove a point before moving to Florida, joining a book club, and outliving men by 10 years.
Revenge at last.
[Depending on your point of view].
Every Woman Over 50 Should Practice Bisexuality [According to Huffington Post Article]
A 2014 article in the Huffington Post written by Arlene Schindler suggests that older women should explore their bisexuality as an alternative to their oftentimes frustrating experiences with men.
One path is referred to as “affectional bonding” or AB.
No wonder they outlive us.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arlene-schindler-/cuddle-parties_b_4800176.html
The findings of the latest National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles (NATSAL) reveals that the number of women reporting same-sex partners has increased from 1.8% to 7.9% over the past 20 years. Sexual lifestyles in Britain have changed substantially in the past 60 years, with changes in behavior seeming to be greater in women than men, most notably the continuation of sexual activity into later life.
After enough time passes and older women find themselves unable to establish relationships with quality, age appropriate men, “affectional bonding” begins to make sense.
According to the article, most women are already naturally bi-curious when it comes to sex; 60 percent were sexually attracted to other women; 45 percent had kissed a woman and 50 percent had fantasies about the same sex. This suggests that women may be more capable of finding people attractive, no matter what orientation they claim. Additionally, it becomes more pronounced as they get older. Approaching mid-life, “AB” makes a lot of sense.
And now, for the anti-male punchline:
Ladies, tired of the hairy chest? Try the softer touch. Has erectile dysfunction got you down and disappointed? Try reframing your options. With affectional bonding, enjoy everything you ever wanted without the messy clean-up.
You can read the rest of the article for yourself and draw your own conclusions.
OVERVIEW
Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you know by now that nothing is a panacea.
Single-hood is tough because you feel emotionally disconnected from the world. It can drain your spirit, fracture your faith in humanity, jade your perceptions.
But the same can be said of toxic relationships.
So we struggle to find balance no matter where it takes us.
Having said this, for men in my particularly peer group, I suggest you contact your attorney and investment counselor before doing anything where the consequences are more expensive than a transient escape.
What’s So Gross About Madonna?
In women, experience isn’t a carbon credit for lost time.
There’s very little to say about this that hasn’t already been said a thousand times, so I’ll just post the link from The Daily Beast, written by Samantha Allen.
You can also type “Madonna” into the search bar on this site for further commentary on the Queen of Pop or whatever.
The “Plankton” Generation – Revisited
As most people know by now, there’s a phrase coined for 45-plus women on the dating scene – the Plankton Generation.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2022102/Why-struggle-single-women-45-meet-soulmate.html
It refers to women who are barely visible, and are “hanging at the bottom of the food chain” when it comes to attracting a mate.
It’s a derisive term, frankly, and one I’m not crazy about using.
But like most things in life aging-related, there’s no nice way of putting it.
Having said this, there are upsides depending on how you define “attracting a mate.”
I’ll explore those here…
~~~
It has been my experience that while older women find it difficult to find mates who fit their preferred profiles, they are better adapted to accepting – and making the very best of – the realities of aging.
According to Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, a noted Yale professor of psychology women’s lives get better with age, not worse. Rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide in women go down, not up, as women grow older, and she contributes that to the natural strengths women possess — coping skills, empathy, ability to listen, patience — which help them to tackle new problems and situations that arise as they age. It also gives them the courage to pursue new paths.
Men, on the other hand, have tremendous difficulty accepting aging.
First, they have a tendency not to maintain close friendships with other men, nor do the friendships they do have involve any meaningful degree of emotional intimacy and support.
Women, on the other hand, cherish and nurture their friendships with other women which helps them navigate life’s many stages.
“Contrary to women, men do not celebrate older age as a time of joy, love, and fulfillment for all they have worked for and grown to be over their lifetimes,” as Dr. Nolen-Hoeksema states.
Note: Among the older adults, who were facing the adversities that come with aging, the men showed less inclination to use these important coping skills compared to the women. In other words, older women were more likely than older men to tap their mental, emotional, and relational strengths to deal with adversity, which in turn left them less vulnerable to depression and anxiety in the face of difficulty.
Contrary to popular opinion, women over 50 tend to find their confidence and increased levels of satisfaction from within… not from without.
Even in the face of our cultural obsession with youth and beauty, older women place a greater emphasis and pride on their own maturity, experience and wisdom.
But, make no mistake: “women over 50 think they’re looking pretty good, too:” according to Dr. Nolen-Hoeksema’s study, women’s body images actually become more positive as they move from their 20s, 30s and 40s, into midlife.
While many men consider this deluded thinking, it works in women’s favor given their level of self-acceptance.
Put another way, while women may not get their immediate needs met, they more than make up for it through friendships and outside interests.
A few of the websites and blogs that are especially effective at reflecting the interests and concerns of women over 50 include:
The Art of Aging
Aging Abundantly
Fab After 50
The National Association of Baby Boomer Women (NABBW)
The Huffington Post/Aging
Fab Over Fifty
ThirdAge
wowOwow (Women on the Web)
StyleSubstanceSoul
MarryingGeorgeClooney
DailyPlateofCrazy
Good luck finding this many for men.
Writer Barbara Hannah Grufferman asked her friends on Facebook, Are women better at aging than men? and here’s what a few of them had to say (reprinted with their permission):
Barbara Briggs Ward: I think the tide has turned. Women are more in charge of their aging. They are no longer giving in to it. They run; walk; try new careers; eat well; find new loves. Age no longer means slowing down and retreating. Age does not define a woman-for better or worse. It only opens new doors for them. And I think all of this has given women an edge over the men who are used to doors always being open.
Denise Taylor Tremaine: You don’t ever hear, or rarely, of women going through a mid-life crisis… we handle everything with grace.
Kim Okerson: I agree that the social pressure on women is far greater, but it is up to each of us to have the grace and dignity to accept that our age is state of mind.
Connie Katon Wingo: The emotional impact of aging is difficult for men, I’d say. In their youth, they were able to have the perception of controlling their environment. Their identities as men were so often tied to their sexual perception and themselves. Their sex drive slows down, and for a great deal of men their “manhood,” is tied into their perception of their sexuality. Also, as men begin to age in the workforce, their roles begin to change and coping with the feeling of obsoleteness is frightening, possibly causing men to feel more insecure about aging.
Melody George: I dont think one gender has it over another on aging. I think with men and women it is equally daunting or exciting depending on the person.
Whatever your thoughts are on this… here’s the fundamental truth: the more we stick together, the happier we will be.
The unfortunate fact is that sticking together is something men simply don’t do well.
FINAL COMMENTS
As for the coping skills that older men do happen to have at their disposal, please note the following:
1] The ability to purchase and/or attract youth and beauty with money and power.
2] The distraction from existential pain using bigger homes, Aspen vacations and sports cars as leverage.
3] Hunting and fishing trips that get them out of the house and into the arms of escorts.
4] Online porn.
5] Routine testosterone therapy and plastic surgery.
Normal, well-adjusted older men have age-appropriate wives, children and grandchildren, for God’s sake.
They have vacation homes where everyone comes together at holidays and embraces all that life has given them.
They aren’t consumed with death and irrelevance – or both.
Their families are their relevance.
I know this is lost on most of you who read this blog, but these people do exist.
Of course, they’d bore you to death long before loneliness or depression took you down.
Megyn Kelly Needs a “Wife”
I don’t want to make this personal as I don’t know Megyn Kelly outside of her nightly broadcasts.
But something has changed in her over the past 6 months.
Maybe it’s that she’s harder than usual.
It reminds me of the psychological shifts in older men after starting a regimen of weekly testosterone injections.
They’re overall demeanor becomes more aggressive, engaging and intense.
With this as a backdrop, I wasn’t entirely shocked when Kelly blitz-attacked Donald Trump in the first of the Republican presidential debates.
Her approach was not that of an honest journalist seeking answers to complex questions, as much as it was blatant grand-standing on behalf of Megyn Kelly.
I don’t care what her political views happen to be.
What I do care about is having to deal with another out-of-control narcissist commanding the airwaves when we already have Donald Trump.
Pathological narcissists on the level of Ms. Kelly view people like Trump as “competitors” who steal focus from them.
So she acted out in order to seal a position of equal footing.
That’s the pathology at work, and it’s gender-neutral if it makes you feel any better.
It’s also how she got to where she is in life [think Wolf of Wall Street] and why she needs a house-husband, not another Type-A personality like her 1st husband.
“I wanted a wife and she wanted a wife — we both needed someone to cook and clean and support us. She has very much a Type A personality. I couldn’t imagine her staying at home. She needed more of a Type B husband.” Dr. Dan Kendall, her 1st husband.
~~~
Most affluent older men I know tend to date and marry beautiful young women who are nurturers, not Alphas climbing corporate ladders.
The last thing they want is more competition.
After all, there’s only so much room on stage for a star, and the most successful couples I know keep the spotlight focused.
If you have any problem with this particular arrangement, the door’s over there.
Spouses must understand and accept the fact that narcissists are always and forever number one – no matter how much they love you.
Most women I know get used to this in a hurry, particularly if they want to keep the Range Rovers.
The same with men who marry women like Megyn Kelly.
They are either okay with their role as house-husband to a super-achiever, or they’re wanna-be famous writers looking for an opportunity to exploit their wives’ celebrity so they can become superstars themselves and then marry yoga instructors half their age.
~~~
I’m sorry to say that after her on-air antics the other night, my respect for Megyn Kelly is greatly diminished.
I know that anyone interested in journalistic stardom has to have a shit ton of self-confidence.
But when self-confidence is not the first thing that comes to mind…well, only Donald Trump can pull that off.
Here’s a great article on the subject by Robert Ringer titled “Megyn Kelly, Queen of Narcissism, Gets a Pass.”
http://robertringer.com/megyn-kelly-queen-of-narcissism-gets-a-pass/
FINAL NOTES
Alpha older women like Megyn Kelly are able to attract and marry handsome men their exact age – or younger – who play a subordinate role in their lives.
Alpha older men like Donald trump are able to attract and marry beautiful younger women who play a subordinate role in their lives.
As we age, money and power are always leveraged against youth and beauty in the struggle for balance.
SYMPTOMS OF NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER
Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:
- Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., expects to be recognized as superior)
- Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
- Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
- Requires excessive admiration
- Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
- Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
- Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
- Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
- Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes