In women, experience isn’t a carbon credit for lost time.
There’s very little to say about this that hasn’t already been said a thousand times, so I’ll just post the link from The Daily Beast, written by Samantha Allen.
You can also type “Madonna” into the search bar on this site for further commentary on the Queen of Pop or whatever.
No one would accuse Madonna of being a slouch, resting on her laurels and so on…
She works incessantly, travels the world tour after tour after grueling tour.
But no matter how much Madonna tours, she is still 57, not 25.
Hello memo.
The harder she tries to be chronologically seamless, the farther away she lands.
Racing with the devil is a fool’s errand someone who loves her obviously neglected to mention.
Grills? Seriously?
If my 83-year-old mother wore grills, I’d have her committed.
But for Madonna, it’s an unintended tragic pantomime she can afford to ignore.
Delusion, after all, isn’t against the law.
But even Madonna can’t buy back the bad press.
Sadly, she’s become an embarrassment to the Baby Boom.
Not her accomplishments, not her work ethic, not her contribution to the world of Pop.
But everything else.
If my generation’s greatest fear is maintenance of personal dignity, Madonna is our crucible.
So again, it’s all about money, honey, delusion notwithstanding.
Baby Boomers are the generation born between 1946 and 1964.
If you’re a member, you’re somewhere between the ages of 51 and 69.
So juveniles by today’s standards.
Many of us sit squarely in the middle, which means we’re either in – or fast approaching – our 60’s.
We’re in shape, financially independent, technologically savvy.
What better than to appeal to an affluent demographic that has become increasingly larger and more important as our population ages?
In an historical context, we’ve set new precedents, as people our age were, at one time, either dead or walking billboards for Mr. Rogers.
That was then.
Now, thanks to designers like Louis Vuitton [and others, like John Varvatos], we can finally buy clothing that feels the way clothing felt back in the days when we were young, rebellious and filled with hope and promise.
It was a brilliant move.
Louis Vuitton has strategically positioned itself as a classic, upscale choice for the affluent Baby Boomer generation.
No wonder my wardrobe collection looks a lot like it did back in 1978.
Brace yourself for an Aspen makeover, as people start looking a lot like they did back when when they couldn’t afford it – not to mention good concert tickets to see David Bowie.
Okay, so in addition to Vuitton, here are my top favorite designers for men [in no particular order]:
Vince
Alexander McQueen
Belstaff
Dolce & Gabbana
Armani
Prada
Gucci
James Perce
John Varvatos
Maison Margiela
Saint Laurent
Hudson Jeans
Ralph Lauren [Black label]
…and of course, Converse.
http://www.marketwatch.com/story/first-wives-say-i-dont-to-second-marriages-2013-10-24
Why are wealthy divorced women more likely to decide to remain single? “It’s much harder for divorced males to be alone than females,” says Fran Walfish, a psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, Calif. Unlike men, she says, “a woman’s ego cannot bear to tolerate a man using her for her money. She needs to know she is loved—rich or poor—flaws and all.”
~~~
Wait for it!
More than 83% of divorced men back on the dating market would consider marriage within the next five years, according to a survey of 5,000 millionaire members of the dating site MillionaireMatch.com.
Only 5% said “never again,” and 11% said they would consider remarrying after five years.
Divorced female millionaires were at the opposite end of the scale: A mere 32% said they would consider remarrying in the next 5 years, and 70% said they’d never marry again or would wait 10 years or more.
Shocked?
I’m not.
Here’s why:
1] Women bond, while men isolate.
2] Older men can date women any age, regardless of motive [both motives], while women require a specific motive.
3] An older man’s vitality is replenished through exposure to youth and beauty. For women, it’s the opposite. Youth and beauty remind them to check their wills.
4] Love is not at the top of an older man’s list of must-haves in a relationship. It is the opposite for women which is why they bond with other women and call it a day.
5] Men need challenges. Without them there is no purpose to live.
As most people know by now, there’s a phrase coined for 45-plus women on the dating scene – the Plankton Generation.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2022102/Why-struggle-single-women-45-meet-soulmate.html
It refers to women who are barely visible, and are “hanging at the bottom of the food chain” when it comes to attracting a mate.
It’s a derisive term, frankly, and one I’m not crazy about using.
But like most things in life aging-related, there’s no nice way of putting it.
Having said this, there are upsides depending on how you define “attracting a mate.”
I’ll explore those here…
~~~
It has been my experience that while older women find it difficult to find mates who fit their preferred profiles, they are better adapted to accepting – and making the very best of – the realities of aging.
According to Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, a noted Yale professor of psychology women’s lives get better with age, not worse. Rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide in women go down, not up, as women grow older, and she contributes that to the natural strengths women possess — coping skills, empathy, ability to listen, patience — which help them to tackle new problems and situations that arise as they age. It also gives them the courage to pursue new paths.
Men, on the other hand, have tremendous difficulty accepting aging.
First, they have a tendency not to maintain close friendships with other men, nor do the friendships they do have involve any meaningful degree of emotional intimacy and support.
Women, on the other hand, cherish and nurture their friendships with other women which helps them navigate life’s many stages.
“Contrary to women, men do not celebrate older age as a time of joy, love, and fulfillment for all they have worked for and grown to be over their lifetimes,” as Dr. Nolen-Hoeksema states.
Note: Among the older adults, who were facing the adversities that come with aging, the men showed less inclination to use these important coping skills compared to the women. In other words, older women were more likely than older men to tap their mental, emotional, and relational strengths to deal with adversity, which in turn left them less vulnerable to depression and anxiety in the face of difficulty.
Contrary to popular opinion, women over 50 tend to find their confidence and increased levels of satisfaction from within… not from without.
Even in the face of our cultural obsession with youth and beauty, older women place a greater emphasis and pride on their own maturity, experience and wisdom.
But, make no mistake: “women over 50 think they’re looking pretty good, too:” according to Dr. Nolen-Hoeksema’s study, women’s body images actually become more positive as they move from their 20s, 30s and 40s, into midlife.
While many men consider this deluded thinking, it works in women’s favor given their level of self-acceptance.
Put another way, while women may not get their immediate needs met, they more than make up for it through friendships and outside interests.
A few of the websites and blogs that are especially effective at reflecting the interests and concerns of women over 50 include:
The Art of Aging
Aging Abundantly
Fab After 50
The National Association of Baby Boomer Women (NABBW)
The Huffington Post/Aging
Fab Over Fifty
ThirdAge
wowOwow (Women on the Web)
StyleSubstanceSoul
MarryingGeorgeClooney
DailyPlateofCrazy
Good luck finding this many for men.
Writer Barbara Hannah Grufferman asked her friends on Facebook, Are women better at aging than men? and here’s what a few of them had to say (reprinted with their permission):
Barbara Briggs Ward: I think the tide has turned. Women are more in charge of their aging. They are no longer giving in to it. They run; walk; try new careers; eat well; find new loves. Age no longer means slowing down and retreating. Age does not define a woman-for better or worse. It only opens new doors for them. And I think all of this has given women an edge over the men who are used to doors always being open.
Denise Taylor Tremaine: You don’t ever hear, or rarely, of women going through a mid-life crisis… we handle everything with grace.
Kim Okerson: I agree that the social pressure on women is far greater, but it is up to each of us to have the grace and dignity to accept that our age is state of mind.
Connie Katon Wingo: The emotional impact of aging is difficult for men, I’d say. In their youth, they were able to have the perception of controlling their environment. Their identities as men were so often tied to their sexual perception and themselves. Their sex drive slows down, and for a great deal of men their “manhood,” is tied into their perception of their sexuality. Also, as men begin to age in the workforce, their roles begin to change and coping with the feeling of obsoleteness is frightening, possibly causing men to feel more insecure about aging.
Melody George: I dont think one gender has it over another on aging. I think with men and women it is equally daunting or exciting depending on the person.
Whatever your thoughts are on this… here’s the fundamental truth: the more we stick together, the happier we will be.
The unfortunate fact is that sticking together is something men simply don’t do well.
FINAL COMMENTS
As for the coping skills that older men do happen to have at their disposal, please note the following:
1] The ability to purchase and/or attract youth and beauty with money and power.
2] The distraction from existential pain using bigger homes, Aspen vacations and sports cars as leverage.
3] Hunting and fishing trips that get them out of the house and into the arms of escorts.
4] Online porn.
5] Routine testosterone therapy and plastic surgery.
Normal, well-adjusted older men have age-appropriate wives, children and grandchildren, for God’s sake.
They have vacation homes where everyone comes together at holidays and embraces all that life has given them.
They aren’t consumed with death and irrelevance – or both.
Their families are their relevance.
I know this is lost on most of you who read this blog, but these people do exist.
Of course, they’d bore you to death long before loneliness or depression took you down.
Many millennials don’t even want to be identified as such, with 60 per cent not considering themselves to be part of the ‘millennial generation.’ Instead, 33 per cent say they are part of Generation X~~~
Millennials attribute negative traits to their generation and the Silent Generation and Boomers see themselves in a positive right, describing their generation as patriotic, responsible, hard-working and moral.
Generational identity was strongest among the baby boomers, with 79 per cent of those within the applicable age group identifying with the ‘baby-boom’ generation.
Around 30 per cent of Generation Xers – those ages 35-50 – said their own generation was self-absorbed and wasteful, and 20 per cent of the baby boomers said the same about their age cohort.
press session for Chrissie Hynde: Stockholm
There’s just something about the tenor of my generation’s words that always resonates with me.
I can’t imagine why.
Up Next!
I don’t want to make this personal as I don’t know Megyn Kelly outside of her nightly broadcasts.
But something has changed in her over the past 6 months.
Maybe it’s that she’s harder than usual.
It reminds me of the psychological shifts in older men after starting a regimen of weekly testosterone injections.
They’re overall demeanor becomes more aggressive, engaging and intense.
With this as a backdrop, I wasn’t entirely shocked when Kelly blitz-attacked Donald Trump in the first of the Republican presidential debates.
Her approach was not that of an honest journalist seeking answers to complex questions, as much as it was blatant grand-standing on behalf of Megyn Kelly.
I don’t care what her political views happen to be.
What I do care about is having to deal with another out-of-control narcissist commanding the airwaves when we already have Donald Trump.
Pathological narcissists on the level of Ms. Kelly view people like Trump as “competitors” who steal focus from them.
So she acted out in order to seal a position of equal footing.
That’s the pathology at work, and it’s gender-neutral if it makes you feel any better.
It’s also how she got to where she is in life [think Wolf of Wall Street] and why she needs a house-husband, not another Type-A personality like her 1st husband.
“I wanted a wife and she wanted a wife — we both needed someone to cook and clean and support us. She has very much a Type A personality. I couldn’t imagine her staying at home. She needed more of a Type B husband.” Dr. Dan Kendall, her 1st husband.
~~~
Most affluent older men I know tend to date and marry beautiful young women who are nurturers, not Alphas climbing corporate ladders.
The last thing they want is more competition.
After all, there’s only so much room on stage for a star, and the most successful couples I know keep the spotlight focused.
If you have any problem with this particular arrangement, the door’s over there.
Spouses must understand and accept the fact that narcissists are always and forever number one – no matter how much they love you.
Most women I know get used to this in a hurry, particularly if they want to keep the Range Rovers.
The same with men who marry women like Megyn Kelly.
They are either okay with their role as house-husband to a super-achiever, or they’re wanna-be famous writers looking for an opportunity to exploit their wives’ celebrity so they can become superstars themselves and then marry yoga instructors half their age.
~~~
I’m sorry to say that after her on-air antics the other night, my respect for Megyn Kelly is greatly diminished.
I know that anyone interested in journalistic stardom has to have a shit ton of self-confidence.
But when self-confidence is not the first thing that comes to mind…well, only Donald Trump can pull that off.
Here’s a great article on the subject by Robert Ringer titled “Megyn Kelly, Queen of Narcissism, Gets a Pass.”
http://robertringer.com/megyn-kelly-queen-of-narcissism-gets-a-pass/
FINAL NOTES
Alpha older women like Megyn Kelly are able to attract and marry handsome men their exact age – or younger – who play a subordinate role in their lives.
Alpha older men like Donald trump are able to attract and marry beautiful younger women who play a subordinate role in their lives.
As we age, money and power are always leveraged against youth and beauty in the struggle for balance.
SYMPTOMS OF NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER
In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:
Louise Van Der Velde, 44, actively encourages her relationship therapy clients – mostly in their 40’s and 50’s – to turn to the scalpel and silicone to keep their husbands from cheating.
Ms. Van Der Velde also hosts some of London’s most exclusive sex parties, which she claims also save marriages…as if the silicone wasn’t enough.
As if this wasn’t enough, here’s a beat down on Courtney Cox for undergoing cosmetic enhancements that ms. Van Der Velde says is necessary for older women to maintain their appeal.
Apparently, once women enter their 40’s, they have to begin an aggressive plastic surgery regimen, workout 3 hours a day, and then attend sex parties in the evenings [with their husbands] if they want to keep their marriages in tact…
~~~
Comments on the first link:
As an older man who runs in circles where 40-year-old women look 25 [for reasons that have little to do with genetics and everything to do with money], I can assure you that all of them know the stakes for non-compliance. If they aren’t exemplary, they’re traded.
Why is this?
Answer: CONDITIONING.
Wherever they go, whatever they do, they see other successful men in th company of beautiful young women. It’s often referred to as “living life to the fullest,” to which they feel entitled.
For older women who use the same phraseology on dating profiles, it means I expect to be taken to Monaco on your dime.
Most of them are smoking hot for a reason. the rest are deluded and deleted.
Not long ago I attended a cocktail party/fundraiser hosted by a wealthy couple I don’t know.
When I was introduced to the man’s wife, i assumed she was 20 years younger than she was. Her skin was flawless, her body taut and perfectly proportioned and her teeth the stuff of cosmetic dental ads on TV.
How could a 48-year-old woman possibly look like this?
Money and the complete absence of stress.
In other words, she set herself up for a certain lifestyle in exchange for maintaining a specific physical aesthetic.
A small price to pay, indeed.
One look at her lifestyle, including framed photos of she and her husband at their Aspen “compound” was all most people need to see.
Comments on the second link:
People get bored, even with older women who manage to look half their age, and sometimes, especially.
The reason for this is that women who are willing to do pretty anything for money are also perceived to be morally and ethically malleable.
If lifestyle is the sole focus of one’s existence, then sex is just another lateral move in an otherwise relative universe.
Put another way, if men expect women to be beautiful at their expense, they also expect them to be sexual at their expense.
Thus, the sex parties attended by attractive and very affluent couples who deserve to “live life to its fullest.”
Why in Hell would anyone want to have sex with the same woman all the time? It’s ridiculous, right?
So now they have sex with ten times that number and it improves their marriage – marriage [again] being relative.
The women are willing to do what’s necessary, while the men do what they feel entitled to with women who are little more than objects, anyway.
No wonder they order them around like slaves.
When women have the money, they order young men around like slaves. Money doesn’t care. It’s an equal opportunity destroyer in this context.
Comments on the third link:
Courtney Cox has been through hell and back.
This aside, celebrities have it the toughest because people are always comparing them today with photographs taken 30 years ago and then wondering what happened?
Age happened.
I know how difficult this is to grasp, but as we age, celebrities age as well.
Courtney Cox in a vacuum looks great.
But none of us look great next to our college graduation pics.
Sorry.
One of the four options you have for any problem is Radical Acceptance (Linehan, 1993). Radical acceptance is about accepting of life on life’s terms and not resisting what you cannot or choose not to change. Radical Acceptance is about saying yes to life, just as it is.
~~~
I have a personal trainer who pushes me hard. Really hard. Three days a week we train for an hour, followed by 30 minutes of “homework” [support exercises] I do on my own. If I were 25 this would be a slam-dunk. Add 3 decades to that and not so much.
The problem for me is that I still resist where I am.
Let me restate that: I resent where I am, and, therefore, I resist it.
Case in point: On Friday we were doing vertical box jumps. I say “we” because I like to grab a bunch of kids half my age to do things like this with me to gauge my abilities against people who should be able top smoke me, but often don’t. It kind of my way of figuring out where I am in the scheme of things, athletically. Anyway, I had just completed a 36” jump when they decided to raise the bard 4 inches. Okay, I thought to myself, no big deal. It’s only 4 inches. I can nail this.
Side note: Truly athletic Boomers in the range of 60 are virtually non-existent. The ones who are, “juice” [i.e., take steroids], which makes up for some of the lost time, but never enough of it. But I don’t “juice,” which means I’m working with what I was born with and carved out over time.
So, back to the box jumps.
Two 20-something athletes before me barely made the jumps, and feeling immortal [I assume], I decided it was time to set the record straight on misconceptions about older men.
I approached the box knowing that I had done several sets before it, without incident, in spite of the soreness in my hamstrings from the previous Wednesday’s leg workout. My knees weren’t tucking the way they should have, but screw it, I was going in.
I raised my hands above my head as I readied myself to force them down to my sides, propelling me upward, when I stopped.
Something wasn’t quite right. I had to get my head in this if I was going to clear the edge of the monolith in front of me.
So I took a few seconds to compose myself, breathe, and visualize the jump.
This time, I approached the box with more determination and focus, as an audience stood around to watch this eccentric older man battle reality with a vengeance.
Again, I approached the box, raised my hands, took a deep breath…and jumped.
On the way up I could feel my left hamstring tighten slightly and all hell broke loose. My right leg cleared the edge perfectly, but my left foot hit the side of the box, forcing my shin into the hard foam cover a block of wood, and forcing me forward. The entire box collapsed with me along with it. I rolled twice and then stood up like a champ with a growing hematoma [a solid swelling of clotted blood within the tissues] on my left leg the size of a grapefruit.
I received applause for the effort and follow-through, but came away with the realization that not only was I not 25, but that I was in over my head.
While I could still outperform most guys my age by a wide margin, the kids were blowing me away.
“Not in everything!” I told myself, because it was true.
But what I failed to consider was the fact that, with the proper training, many of them would leave me in the dust. I was simply better trained no matter what the age difference happened to be.
This is textbook denial.
While I do accept the fact that I am older, and thus, less able to accomplish the feats of athleticism I could decades ago, I still try, thinking that I will somehow conquer the odds and land on my feet, instead of the floor.
Some will argue that without the belief in oneself, nothing would ever be accomplished. But there is a difference between running a Fortune 500 company and doing a 40” box jump.
Yea, I like the irony in that, too.
~~~
Here is reality for me in a few bullet points. If I don’t practice radical acceptance on a daily basis, I’ll end up in a mental institution.
Here we go:
1] Age.
Unless you’ve been here, walking a planet for damn near 60 years is an existential nightmare.
You have to get past the fact that time is not a figment of your imagination, so no matter how much you deny it, it keeps marching with or without you.
2] Skin, teeth, hair and nails.
Suffice to say, just looking at a high school photograph of yourself next to a recent photo-op at a gala is enough to trigger a 911 call.
Get a grip. It happens to all of us, and no one likes it.
3] Energy, recovery and fitness.
You’re no longer a kid no matter how much testosterone pellets you have imbedded in your butt.
This means that your physical condition is subject to the passage of time – no matter what the quacks who prescribe the aforementioned testosterone tell you.
4] Your children are younger than you are.
This one is particularly difficult for many because, on a certain level, they feel like children themselves.
But radical acceptance teaches us that no matter how strong one’s delusions happen to be, reality doesn’t give a damn about fantasy – and in this context – neither do your kids.
5] Sex.
You may have noticed that your sex life is – let’s just say – different than it used to be.
There are workarounds, of course.
ED meds will soon be stacked next to aspirin bottles at CVS, and medical science has a quick fix for everything else.
But the intense desire to copulate like a wild animal is now a more subtle compulsion that encourages us to think before we act.
This is an adaptation that helps preserve wealth in the middle years when faltering egos are most susceptible to the exploits of gold diggers.
~~~
If you need more, fill them in for yourself.
I’m not that masochistic.