Why are Middle-Aged Men Committing Suicide in Record Numbers?

In 2013, 78 per cent of the 6,233 suicides registered in the UK were men. That’s a rate of 19 deaths per 100,000 population.

That more men take their own lives than women is not new. But in 1981 the men’s total was only about double, or just under, the women’s.

Now it’s nearly four times as many.

Since 2007, in fact, baby boomers have had the highest rate of suicide of any age group in the United States.

Historically, people between the ages of 40 and 64 have had one of the lowest rates.

To complicate matters, baby boomers are now sliding into the over-65 demographic, an age group that historically has had one of the highest suicide rates.

Making matters worse, suicides among middle-aged men with mental health issues have soared by 73% since 2006, which may be attributed to a combination of alcohol, job loss and debt, as compiled by the University of Manchester’s National Confidential Inquiry into Suicide and Homicide by People with Mental Illness.

Oh boy. Want more?

“Our findings show that within mental health care, middle-aged men are particularly at risk,” said Prof Louis Appleby, the director of NCISH who was formerly the government’s mental health tsar and leads the national suicide prevention strategy. “The problem is not simply that they don’t seek help – they are already under mental health care – so we have to understand better the stresses men in this age group face.”

How about this?

More men in the UK have died by suicide in the past year than all British soldiers fighting in all wars since 1945.

I’m neither a Sociologist or Psychiatrist. In fact, my only authority in this area is interpersonal exchange and an open heart, for which I have earned several Doctoral Degrees.

Men my age and socioeconomic niche are, generally speaking, over-achievers. They made their “piles” working hard, passionately over many years.

Many have been married and divorced a few times over.

The majority have children somewhere.

Now they’re smack in the middle of the Baby Boom generation, with nowhere to go and nothing to do that they haven’t already been done a thousand times before.

Only this time around, they’re older – a lot older – with far less time to enjoy life the way they did when the journey started.

It’s a small window of opportunity in which to reinvent oneself before everything becomes a hobble along a windswept beach on the edge of oblivion.

With this as a backdrop, here are my 5 top reasons middle-aged men off themselves:

1] Loneliness

Heterosexual men in mid-life are dependent primarily on female partners for emotional support.

One reason for this is that they’ve never explored anything beyond sports stats with their “friends.”

Women, on the other hand, maintain their independent relationships throughout life – divorce notwithstanding – which is one reason they outlive us.

To wit, suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts were three times higher among divorced men, and two times higher among separated men compared to married.

This is the quintessential dichotomy about men: While we love sex, we love relationships more.

2]Reluctance to seek help

Professor Shirley Reynolds, from Reading University, said one of the reasons for the rise in suicides is the fact only around ’15 per cent of men with depression and anxiety seek help’.

Most men my age practice intimacy-avoidance. They’d rather swallow a pack of Gillette straight razors than open up about clinical depression.

For one thing, depression is not manly. Men don’t suffer depression unless it’s tied to warfare, in which case it’s called PTSD, an acceptable acronym.

Anything else is an indication that you’re either gay and in denial, or didn’t get into enough fistfights when you were a kid.

In either case, you’re screwed in the eyes of middle-aged frat boys who are themselves gay, and in denial.

3] Money

Okay, I know a few people who put bullets in their heads when the market crashed in 2008.

Not having any money after have a shit-ton of it sucks more than just about anything else, excluding colon cancer, which is a close second.

You lose your house, your cars, your vacations…and usually, your wife.

So now you have nothing at age “60” and have no interest in starting over at Dairy Queen.

I get it. Use the gun. 30 years mopping floors or flipping burgers just isn’t worth it.

Plus you’ll never get laid again as long as you do happen to live.

4] Feminism

Many men bought into the notion that marrying super-achiever women – the ones who handle all of the traditionally male responsibilities – was a novel idea…until the women in question left them for real men who could buy and sell them a thousand times, which earned their respect.

It’s been my experience that women want men to be men in the traditional sense no matter what they say to the contrary. I’m not talking about some archaic master-servant relationship, but one where the man is clearly the head of the household everyone look up to.

But these days older men are caught in a cross-fire of conflicting expectations about what it means to be a man. This usually means that when things go South, they don’t have the coping skills to handle the downward spiral.

The bottom line here is that men should take care of themselves first – and everyone else – second.

5] Irrelevance

Okay, so your career is winding down, the kids are out of the house, and your ex-wife is a colossal bitch. What the hell are you going to do with yourself? You already proved to the world that you could become CEO of some star-up and make a pile of money.

Now what?

That job is done, but when people ask you what the hell you’re doing with yourself, you have nothing to say. This means you’re only as good as your last performance – which, by the way, was 10 years ago. Not good. Very bad, in fact. Particularly at society cocktail functions.

Men are inextricably tied to what they do professionally, so if you’re not doing what you were once doing, then what the hell are you doing?

Men need an answer.

If they don’t have one, they dwell on what to say to people.

This often leads to introspection, as in the meaning of life kind of crap and then hookers, drugs and a shotgun blast to silence the noise.

Believe me, older men need a good back story to survive. Otherwise, the only thing anyone will be interested in is conning them out of whatever money they happen to have left over from their glory days.

SUMMARY

Getting older sucks. The best you can hope for is money in the bank, good health, and a competent psychiatrist.

Note that money was the first on my list of must-haves because without it you’re probably better off dead.

How else are you going to afford the psychiatrist?

~~~

For more information, here’s a good article on depression in older men:

http://www.fiftyisthenewfifty.com/mid-life-crisis-depression-or-both/

Straight Talk from Boomer and “Pretender” Chrissie Hynde [63]

press session for Chrissie Hynde: Stockholm

There’s just something about the tenor of my generation’s words that always resonates with me.

I can’t imagine why.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/music/news/pretenders%E2%80%99-chrissie-hynde-no-regrets-about-rape-comments/ar-AAdVJVW

Up Next!

“Isn’t It Time You Older Guys Start Winding It Down?”

No.

How many times have I heard this from spouses who feel left behind by men who’ve decided to make the most of middle-age?

“Why are you spending so much time in the gym?”

“You had your youth. Let go!”

“Acceptance is the key to happiness!”

“You’re no longer a child!”

Grow up!”

I could go on and on with this bullshit… [and I will].

~~~

Based on a true story, the following dialog takes place between a friend of mine and a woman who’s middle-aged husband is either in the gym, meal-prepping and/or planning adventure vacations that involve rock climbing, mountain hikes, kayaking, swimming and yoga.

While all this sounds great, it isn’t as much so for a woman who thought she married a very different man who would embrace the last few decades of his life with more circumspection.

SPOUSE TO FRIEND:

“I don’t know what’s happened to my husband. He used to be such a normal man.

Now all he does is workout and prepare his meals at home, as if a little bread’s going to hurt him.

Why is he doing this? He’s almost 60!

Look at me! I’m not 25 anymore. And I’m okay with that.

Why isn’t he?

And those ridiculous handstand push-ups he does all the time are for kids, not full grown men.

It’s embarrassing!”

FRIEND TO SPOUSE:

“Maybe he just wants to stay fit and healthy so he can do all the things he did when he was younger.

What’s wrong with that?”

SPOUSE TO FRIEND:

“What’s wrong with that is that we aren’t young anymore.

I think he’s having some sort of midlife breakdown, thinking he can go back to where he was, instead of accepting where he is!”

FRIEND TO SPOUSE:

“Maybe you’re just feeling left out, or about to be left behind. His priorities have changed. He wants to live a healthy lifestyle, and now you’re feeling pressure to do the same thing.

Maybe you think he’s going to leave you, or have an affair?”

SPOUSE TO FRIEND:

“Listen to me you idiot! He needs to grow up and accept the fact that there’s a time and place for everything in life.

He should be doing more reflecting than pumping weights!

Stop and smell the roses. Ponder his image in quiet lakes, skim rocks across the water, and reflect.

We should be walking hand-in-hand along the banks of lagoon, deep in spiritual contemplation, connected to the earth as we prepare for death in a positive, healthy way…”

FRIEND TO SPOUSE

“And you think he’s insane?”

Does “Low T” Cause Depression [or is aging a nightmare no matter how you look at it?]

Testosterone is the male sex hormone responsible for the development of many ‘masculine’ traits.

It encourages fat loss and muscle development, as well as sex drive, aggression, and energy levels.

In other words, the more testosterone, the more “Alpha.”

“Low T” has the opposite effect: Use your imagination. It’s bad.

Numerous health problems, including depression are heavily linked.

~~~

However, the relationship between depression and testosterone is very confusing because they are very similar.

If your “T” levels are low you’ll will suffer low energy, zero sex drive, crappy mood, endless irritability and difficulty sleeping – all of which characterize depression.

Some guys I know attack the problem with hormone replacement therapy.

In fact, most do…with varying degrees of success.

It cheaper than psychotherapy, and with faster results.

Nonetheless, “Low T” is not always the cause of depression, though it might be responsible.

For men who aren’t depressed and have lots of time and money on their hands, increasing testosterone might be an effective way to boost mood to even higher levels, improving drive, libido and motivation.

There’s always a higher high, after all.

But like other indulgences, it can become a one way street.

In other words, once you start, there’s no going back because eventually, the body stops producing it, not that you give a crap.

Most older men don’t care about anything but now, because there isn’t anything else.

Oh God, am I depressed?

~~~

CLEARING UP THE CONFUSION

If you’re depressed but don’t know why, you might start by asking yourself why someone with so much feels like he has so little?

This is a therapy question, by the way.

On the other hand, if you also have difficulty gaining muscle, losing fat, keeping your blood pressure in check, or losing your ‘morning glory,’ “Low T” may be the culprit.

Three other factors may play a role in depression:

1] Vegetarian diets low in protein.

2] Dark offices low in sunlight.

3] Physical inactivity.

~~~

Okay, so let’s say you aren’t a fan of hormone replacement therapy, and want a natural way to achieve similar results.

Exercise – Compound movements, like squats and bench press, and HIIT (high intensity interval training).

Sleep – This is where your testosterone is produced and why rest and recovery are so important. Make sleep a priority in your life. Keep your room dark and cool, and avoid caffeine before bed.

Vitamin D – Vitamin D is responsible for helping your body to regulate numerous other hormonal processes. The easiest way to get it is sunlight. If there is no sunlight where you live – or you’re stuck in an office for 12 hours a day – supplement. It’s no surprise that all those existentialists came from countries bereft of sunlight.

Magnesium and Zinc – Magnesium and zinc support healthy testosterone production and prevent testosterone from being converted into zinc. You can Google it.

Saturated Fat – As shocking as this may sound, the most important ingredient in terms of your diet is saturated fat. It’s no longer believed to cause heart problems, but it will increase your levels of good ‘HDL’ cholesterol, which also happens to be what your body uses to make testosterone and other sex hormones. Try a glass or two of full fat milk if your stomach can handle it. It might improve your mood.

Protein – Protein is the building block of muscle. Now you know why vegetarians look like crap. Protein produces anabolic hormones [like testosterone] that encourage muscle growth, among other benefits.

ONE VARIANT

Avoid Plastic – Random, perhaps, research on ‘xenoestrogens’ isn’t pretty. These are substances act like estrogen in the body and significantly lower testosterone.

Along with our more sedentary and indoor lifestyles, this is thought to be one of the big reasons that men today have lower testosterone on average.

To avoid xenoestrogens, don’t eat out of plastic containers, and definitely don’t microwave anything in plastic.

ON A FINAL NOTE

The Stones famously lamented “it’s a drag getting old,” and it’s no surprise that Baby Boomer do struggle with aging more than the generation preceding it.

Boomers — those born between 1946 and 1964 — are the generation most likely to report being in treatment for depression, at 14 percent, according to the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index. That compares to 11 percent among Generation X (born 1965-1979), “traditionalists” born before 1945, and Millennials (born 1980-1996).

This makes complete sense to me because Traditionalists lived their lives in throes of World Wars and Millennials aren’t old enough to feel their age.

Note: Baby Boomers are more likely to have been diagnosed with depression (21 percent) than any other generation (Gen X: 18 percent, Millennials: 16 percent, traditionalists: 15 percent).

This aside, Boomers are also more open to discussing their mental health issues than older Americans who refused to admit to having any psychiatric problems at all – a key reason Boomers need therapy in the first place.

Are Scalpels, Silicone and Sex Parties a Necessity for “Good Marriage?”

Louise Van Der Velde, 44, actively encourages her relationship therapy clients – mostly in their 40’s and 50’s – to turn to the scalpel and silicone to keep their husbands from cheating.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2814399/Women-forty-need-knife-stop-men-cheating-Expert-claims-surgery-way-stop-wandering-eyes.html

Ms. Van Der Velde also hosts some of London’s most exclusive sex parties, which she claims also save marriages…as if the silicone wasn’t enough.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3202497/Can-sex-parties-REALLY-save-marriages-Woman-arranges-raunchy-shindigs-frequented-huge-celebrity-names-says-deceit-wanting-sexually.html

As if this wasn’t enough, here’s a beat down on Courtney Cox for undergoing cosmetic enhancements that ms. Van Der Velde says is necessary for older women to maintain their appeal.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3206106/Courteney-Cox-51-unrecognizable-puffy-face-LA-event-making-appear-work-done.html

Apparently, once women enter their 40’s, they have to begin an aggressive plastic surgery regimen, workout 3 hours a day, and then attend sex parties in the evenings [with their husbands] if they want to keep their marriages in tact…

~~~

Comments on the first link:

As an older man who runs in circles where 40-year-old women look 25 [for reasons that have little to do with genetics and everything to do with money], I can assure you that all of them know the stakes for non-compliance. If they aren’t exemplary, they’re traded.

Why is this?

Answer: CONDITIONING.

Wherever they go, whatever they do, they see other successful men in th company of beautiful young women. It’s often referred to as “living life to the fullest,” to which they feel entitled.

For older women who use the same phraseology on dating profiles, it means I expect to be taken to Monaco on your dime.

Most of them are smoking hot for a reason. the rest are deluded and deleted.

Not long ago I attended a cocktail party/fundraiser hosted by a wealthy couple I don’t know.

When I was introduced to the man’s wife, i assumed she was 20 years younger than she was. Her skin was flawless, her body taut and perfectly proportioned and her teeth the stuff of cosmetic dental ads on TV.

How could a 48-year-old woman possibly look like this?

Money and the complete absence of stress.

In other words, she set herself up for a certain lifestyle in exchange for maintaining a specific physical aesthetic.

A small price to pay, indeed.

One look at her lifestyle, including framed photos of she and her husband at their Aspen “compound” was all most people need to see.

Comments on the second link:

People get bored, even with older women who manage to look half their age, and sometimes, especially.

The reason for this is that women who are willing to do pretty anything for money are also perceived to be morally and ethically malleable.

If lifestyle is the sole focus of one’s existence, then sex is just another lateral move in an otherwise relative universe.

Put another way, if men expect women to be beautiful at their expense, they also expect them to be sexual at their expense.

Thus, the sex parties attended by attractive and very affluent couples who deserve to “live life to its fullest.”

Why in Hell would anyone want to have sex with the same woman all the time? It’s ridiculous, right?

So now they have sex with ten times that number and it improves their marriage – marriage [again] being relative.

The women are willing to do what’s necessary, while the men do what they feel entitled to with women who are little more than objects, anyway.

No wonder they order them around like slaves.

When women have the money, they order young men around like slaves. Money doesn’t care. It’s an equal opportunity destroyer in this context.

Comments on the third link:

Courtney Cox has been through hell and back.

This aside, celebrities have it the toughest because people are always comparing them today with photographs taken 30 years ago and then wondering what happened?

Age happened.

I know how difficult this is to grasp, but as we age, celebrities age as well.

Courtney Cox in a vacuum looks great.

But none of us look great next to our college graduation pics.

Sorry.

Clear and Present Signs of Exercise Addiction in Older Men [and women]

I know a few older men [and women] who would rather die than miss a workout.

This is because missing a workout is worse than death.

http://breakingmuscle.com/sports-psychology/are-you-addicted-to-exercise-the-tell-tale-signs

~~~

There are quite a few exercise-addicted older men with whom I share a gym acquaintance.

It could be argued that I myself am an exercise addict to the extent that I train 6 days a week for 1 hour, sometimes 2, rather than 5 or 6!, which is not uncommon to many.

Most of the men in question are single – always single – principally because there is no room for anything – or anyone – else.

Even pets.

Exercise releases endorphins and the hormone Serotonin, which one tends to get used to – or addicted to – as the case may be.

Eventually the highs take over one’s life and everything else becomes meaningless.

Just ask anyone at AA what it feels like not to have drugs at their disposal.

~~~

John [not his real name] is 58 years of age and prides himself on his ability to run 5 miles before hitting the gym, where he performs hand stand push-ups and double-under jumping jacks to the amazement of everyone around him.

In this sense, he’s his own circus act.

His thin, muscular frame, and gymnastic abilities, earn him the respect and admiration of his peers, which is all he needs to side-step existential pain.

For a little while he can forget about his aging wife, his kids, his financial obligations.

In essence, he becomes someone else.

But eventually he has to go back to the “other” reality.

For some the transition is seamless.

For others, it’s like that classic Twilight Zone episode where the old woman lives through television re-runs of herself as a beautiful young actress, imagining that nothing has changed.

A married man with a family doesn’t have that luxury.

Now visualize a single man with time on his hands, and exercise addiction become a full-blown psychosis.

No wonder I see the same anorexics, bulimics and exercise addicts appear at my gym day after day, year after year; until one day they show up on crutches after a hip replacement – or just disappear altogether.

When people inquire as to their whereabouts, the refrain is always the same:

“They died doing what they loved.”

I guess one could say the same of heroin addicts.

Every addict has an excuse for dying, though they don’t couch it that way.

In the end, there is a razor thin line between exceptional fitness and clinical addiction.

ARE YOU AN EXERCISE ADDICT?

Seven factors are assessed and it’s something for you fitness junkies to consider:

Tolerance: Do you need more and more to achieve the same effects?

Withdrawal: Do you experience increased agitation, fatigue, and tension if you don’t exercise?

Intention Effect: Do you exercise for longer than intended on most trips to the gym?

Lack of Control: Do you have difficulty scaling back the duration and intensity of exercise?

TimeSpent: Do you spend huge amounts of time on fitness related activities?

Reduction of Other Pursuits: Is exercising too much affecting other parts of your life? (social, work, relationships)?

Continuance Despite Injury: Do you train even when you are injured?

Final Notes:

It’s been my experience that all exercise addicts my age would answer yes to all of the above.

Adding fuel to the fire, they “supplement” their fitness regimes with testosterone injections, HGH and anabolic steroids when the effects of aging begin to present.

This helps perpetuate the cycle long after nature fails them.

But longevity isn’t the name of the game in this world.

Escape is.

~~~

A few highlights from the article that all of us who have, at one time or another, crossed the line into exercise addiction know well:

1] We are often sick, injured or depressed.

2] We define our happiness by our bodies and level of fitness.

3] Our relationships suffer [or don’t exist at all]

4] We train like pros, but aren’t [so why?]

Training in proper measure is one of life’s most rewarding [and sensible] choices.

It’s not easy, and it does require major adjustments in lifestyle habits, but it must be balanced against everything else in life.

From personal experience, I can attest to the fact that if you don’t keep an eye on BALANCE, your life will get smaller and smaller and smaller until it’s just you and a bunch of codependent addicts enabling the cycle of addiction as the world passes you by.

Then again, if you can afford to run down the clock without having to worry about friends, family, spouses [or even a dog], we’ll all just do what we always do, which is use you as examples of what exercise addiction looks like, and why therapy is a better alternative.

Two-Marriage Rule the “Natural” Course Among a Certain Demographic

Today’s testimonial is going to infuriate a lot of people, but what I’m about to tell you is the absolute truth.

In my world, it is commonplace for young men to marry and procreate with their college sweethearts, before divorcing them once the kids are grown, money’s in the bank, and younger women are coming out of the woodwork.

This is where the Two-Marriage Rule comes into play.

~~~

When a man reaches a certain age – and level of achievement – he expects payback.

The translation of “payback” goes something like this:

Scenario One:

“I’ve done it all: Married out of college, had kids, made money…and now what? My kids are gone, I’m semi-retired and what I’m sleeping next to looks nothing like the woman I married. But I don’t want to leave my wife because I still love her, in spite of the fact that I’m not exactly thrilled about the sex. She’s also beginning to make me feel old and irrelevant. What I need is a mistress in order to keep my marriage in tact. Then I’ll have everything.”

Scenario Two:

“I’m leaving my wife for a beautiful young woman I met at an art opening, who makes me feel the way I did when I met my current wife back at Georgetown.”

~~~

In both scenarios, the theme is the same: The man wants what he once had in order to feel the way he once felt.

Neither scenario is exclusive to men, by the way.

Women often have affairs because their own physical and emotional needs are not being met, which brings me to the question of why is everyone so damn bored?

~~~

From the perspective of older men, the reasons are academic:

1] An age-appropriate wife of 50-something is not the same as an age-appropriate wife of 20-something.

In the former, the man begins to visualize tombstones.

In the former, he gets a new lease on life with 1000 times the cash.

From the perspective of older women, the reasons are more complex:

1] While age-appropriate mates in their 50’s don’t trigger existential meltdowns the way they do in men, they do trigger boredom when men begin to take their wives for granted.

SOLUTION

The Two-Marriage Rule

For men who marry and procreate out of college, there should be an agreement between the couple that after 25 or 30 years together, the marriage is null and void.

The couple can then decide to either renew it or walk away without financial consequence, enabling the man to live with a younger woman in relative comfort for the balance of his life [and vice-verse].

SUMMARY

Life kinda’ sucks where marriage is concerned.

No one can be everything to everyone all the time, particularly after enough of it has passed.

People get bored, and because most of us are entitled, we expect more.

On the other hand, there are couples who are willing to age gracefully, allowing time to exact its pound of flesh without a fight.

Their expectations are more balanced, and their lives a linear trajectory that reads like a novel – beginning, middle…end.

Of course, I don’t personally know any of these people, but I’m told they exist.

FINAL NOTE

While older men derive vitality from beautiful young women, older women experience precisely the opposite in the company of young men.

However, women are far better at acceptance, which they encourage in one another through their uncanny ability to bond with other women.

If men were better at this both genders would experience the same longevity, with a slight advantage to men who find young women who aren’t gold-diggers.

I’ll leave you with this article from the Telegraph:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/10980731/What-do-young-women-see-in-much-older-men.html

More Bad News on [Unnecessary] Testosterone Supplementation in Older Men

From UCSand Diego health comes more bad news on “Tes.”

http://health.ucsd.edu/news/features/Pages/2015-01-09-mens-sexual-health-facts.aspx

~~~

I know it sucks, but aging happens.

The best we can do is [as we all know, but fail to do anyway is…]:

1] Eat healthy, balanced meals.

a] I eat 5/day.

2] Exercise regularly [particularly strength training for maximum lean mass].

a] I do 3 days of strength training and 3 days of crossfit style cardio.

3] Get plenty of rest [and recovery time between strenuous workouts]

a] I cycle my workouts to help recovery and avoid over-training.

4] Hydrate [because as we age our bodies aren’t as reliable when it comes to reminding us]

a] I have remind myself all the time to drink water! My body doesn’t tell me until it’s too late.

5] Avoid tobacco, excessive alcohol consumption and drugs – over the counter and otherwise.

a] A cigar once in a while, or wine in moderation is fine. 16 Vicodin over vodka tonics is not.

6] Avoid stress of the toxic kind. There’s a difference between good and bad stress.

a] Bad stress is something like divorce, terminal diagnosis, or a stock market crash. Good stress is everything else.

7] Have as much sex as you’re comfortable having without stroking out, which won’t be a problem if you’re following the aforementioned guidelines.

a] I’m a huge proponent of keeping an active sex life. The endorphins alone are worth the experience, and they’re organic.

8] Stay relevant. Technology rules the earth. The very least you can learn to do is turn on a computer.

a] I’ve noticed that older men who are clueless about technology are the most dependent people I know.

9] Read, study, learn. The mind is a terrible thing to waste, but even tougher to retrain once it’s been sitting around doing nothing for long enough.

10] Maintain friendships. Women are great at this, men not so much – which is probably why we die prematurely.

~~~

Middle-Aged Married Men and the “Other” Women in Their Lives […and vice-versa]

Houston, we have a problem.

Infidelity is an enormously complicated issue – or an enormously simple one, depending on how you look at it.

Nonetheless, the “faithful” continue to surge.

“…there are almost definitely at least 187,000 faithful spouses who would still vehemently argue that Houston has about 187,000 too many adulterers.”

http://www.houstonpress.com/news/should-the-ashley-madison-hack-have-houstonians-worried-7608927

Want the actual membership numbers across the fruited plain?

Check them out here:

http://247wallst.com/special-report/2015/07/02/10-cities-with-the-most-adultery/2/

If you’re interested in knowing where The Impact Team plans to dump the exposed member names, IP addresses, home addresses, and sexual predilections, check here:

http://pastebin.com/Kty5xBiv

~~~

So why did all this happen in the first place?

There’s always been infidelity. It’s not like it suddenly surfaced in the 21st century.

But why has it reached such epidemic proportions?

1] Is marriage, as an institution, dying?

2] Is feminism to blame?

3] Has sexual morality finally reached a point where its considered relative?

4] Have couples who married in their 20’s finally outgrown one another?

5] Has the Internet contributed to cultural addiction to higher highs?

In my view, it’s all of the above.

~~~

If you ask older men why they stray, their responses are usually the same: “I’m no longer attracted to my aging and obese spouse [in so many words].”

If men are programmed to perpetuate and spread their genes, then the go-to female is going to be young, and probably, beautiful.

It kinda sells itself.

But this is also the most infuriating to women as both genders grow old at the same rates, yet women still prefer men within 5 years of their age.

Needless to say, this places them at a distinct disadvantage, as they often find it almost impossible to find suitable mates.

They either choose much younger partners [who usually play the role of gold-digger], or spend the rest of their lives in the company of female friends, traveling the world and finding new avenues of interest.

There are exceptions, but once women pass a certain chronological point, it’s over.

So how exactly do couples prevent this from happening?

They have to keep pace with one another.

When middle-aged men become bored with their middle-aged wives, it’s most often because they have fallen out of shape, and with it, the youthful vitality that attracted the men to them in the first place.

Most men understand – and accept the fact – that both genders age, but in cases I’m most familiar with, the man cannot accept the fact that while he is in the gym every day, she’s on the couch.

The once collegiate volleyball player is now a frumpy matron, which breeds resentment.

“I’ve accomplished so many things in my life and this is what I’m left with???”

He wants the woman he married, albeit a more mature version, while she just wants a place to rest her head.

Clearly, one of them has given up.

Even in cases where neither party was particularly athletic, but one decides at middle age to get in the best shape of his or her life, the expectation is that the other will do the same, rather than wallow in self-pity and divorce papers.

In the end, couples have to grow together…and in the same general direction.

They owe it to one another if the perpetuity of their marriages means anything to them.

But people do change, and sometimes, you just have to accept the fact that the woman you married back at Georgetown is not the same woman today.

This is where couples either sit down and renegotiate the terms of their marriage, or move on.

The rest split apart while staying married for the sake of children, finances, and the passive love one acquires after so many years with the same person.

Marriage, like aging, is not for the faint of heart.

It’s a battle to the finish line both literally and figuratively.

The question you have to ask yourself is…Is it one worth fighting?

Note: “Fighting” does not denote misery.

We do battle every day of our lives, and the suicide rate is still lower than than the murder rate by a wide margin.

~~~

Top Ways Parents Embarrass Their Kids [and everyone else for that matter]

At some point, we have to get a grip.

I’m not a parent to human beings, so I freely admit to ignorance on this subject.

However, I do spend a lot of time around people who do have kids, many of whom struggle with the dichotomy of social relevance as it relates to adulthood.

In general, the objective is to be yourself without coming off as someone in denial, which requires a high degree of self-actualization.

This is a big problem for divorced, middle-aged men and women back on the dating scene who hit on people half their age.

I said “men and women” lest you think older men are the default scapegoats for all things juvenile.

Note: I said “hitting on,” not being “hit on.” There’s a difference.

Digression aside, many older women compete with their daughters on every level, including wardrobe, where they conduct raids on their closets on the weekends.

The following article sites several examples of this phenomena:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3170885/The-ways-parents-embarrass-children-revealed-celebrities-guilty-it.html

~~~

As an older man, I pretty much do the same things I did as a young man.

I go to the gym, listen to loud music, wear the same clothes I did back in the 70’s [except these have different labels and are ten times the price], and generally speaking, and generally speaking, live my life the way I always have: my way.

Having said this, I also pay my own bills and have a clean record with law enforcement, so kiss off.

That last flippant comment is something that would have passed my lips back in high school, by the way.

I suppose i should have substituted “kiss off” with “I’m not concerned what others think of my behavior or lifestyle.”

But like I said, my way.

In the end, you have to know the difference between who you are and how you’re perceived.

If self-actualization isn’t one of your strong suits [I’m calling out you narcissists], you’ll end up a sad stereotype in the eyes of youth in general.

~~~

HOW TO PULL OFF YOUTHFULNESS WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE AN IDIOT

Lesson #1: Don’t dress [or act like] Madonna

Lesson #2: Understand that you and your kids are two different ages. In other words, you’re a lot older than your kids. Some of you may have to start with more basic exercises to get the hang of this.

Lesson #3: Kissing your kids in front of his friends is about as embarrassing as things get in the mind of an adolescent, so don’t do it.

Lesson #4: “Youth speak” is ONLY done if you can pull it off without sounding like you’re trying to fit in. If you don’t know the difference, stick to the Queen’s English.

Lesson #5: Kids don’t like stories unless they are infants. Older kids don’t have your attention span as evidenced by the soaring Adderall sales.

Lesson #6: Teach your kids to clean up after themselves. Picking up their crap every 5 minutes looks like you work for them. Think of it this way: Would their friends pick up after their friends?

Lesson #7: Under no circumstances should you try and connect with them on social media. Let them come to you. If they don’t, blow it off.

Lesson #8: Know technology. I can’t emphasize this enough. This generation’s genesis is in technology. If you don’t know it, it’s kind of like not knowing about food.

Lesson #9: No matter what people tell you to the contrary, kids already know more about sex than before their 14th birthday. So don’t bother.

Lesson #10: Getting wasted in front of younger people including one’s kids – is about the most demeaning thing an adult can do, unless you’re Keith Richards, in which case it’s cool because he’s kind of immortal in that way.

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